I like my reddit posts the same way I like my boyfriend's pants

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The three guys at an interview joke just posted here reminded me of another version we used to tell about 20 years ago.. is it a repost? I don't know, probably yes, but does anyone really care ;) ?

Three guys interviewing to be a detective.

The final step is with the chief inspector who says, "Ahh, so you wanna be detectives, eh? The first skill you need is perception, let's see how you guys do with that"

He calls them into his office one by one.

The first guy goes in and ...

It's my cake day, so better post a joke about cakes... Why couldn't the Teddy bear finish his birthday cake?

Because he was already stuffed...

Sorry, I'll do better next year - definitely Muffin that I will repeat again!

A cop pulls over an old lady for speeding on a highway. He asks for her driver's license and registration.

When she opens her wallet, he notices a conceal-carry permit.

He asks, “Ma’am, do you have a weapon in your possession at this time?”

She responds "I'll bet you $100 you can't guess the answer to that question" as she slaps a crisp bill on her dashboard.

The cop rubs his chin an...

I made a virtual bubble wrap to keep you all busy during quarantine. There might be some irregular bubbles, but that is normal.

>!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!Nev!< >!er !< >!Gon!< >!na !< >!Giv!< >!ve !< >!You!< >!Up,!< >!Nev!< >!er !< >!Gon!< >!na !< >!Let!< >!You!< >...

I searched Reddit and this joke hasn't been posted.

USPS came out with a Donald Trump stamp. They were Yugely popular at first, but suddenly went out of circulation, because they wont stick to the envelopes.

This enraged the president, and he demanded a full investigation, blamed the democrats and JINA and the lame-stream media.


<...

Did you know if you rearrange all the letters in Post Office

They get really annoyed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife said if this post gets 1000 upvotes she'll give up her anal virginity tonight!

Please don't. She's out of town on business for the next week.

Depressing pickup lines.

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you a toaster?
Because I really want to take a bath with you.

Are you a noose?
Because I really want to hang with you.

Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me.

Are you anti-...

A pretty girl kissed me today

I wish I could post this in another subreddit.

I was going to post a time travel joke

But nobody upvoted it.

I just got fired from the post office

My supervisor took me into his office and we actually had a really good conversation. He told me that I wasn't meeting expectations in my current position, and that they didn't have any other jobs open at the moment. I said that I could see where he was coming from, and that I had no hard feelings. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I only post on Reddit when I'm on the Toilet.

That way, I'm only shitposting.

I wanted to post a joke about Sodium but I was like Na, people won’t Understand.

Want to hear a joke about Sodium hypobromite?


NaBrO.

I'd post a joke about a Cow but...

I'm sure you guys would Milk it in the comments.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wasn't sure if I should post this here, because it's only funny under certain circumstances

certain circumstances

funny

My son wanted me to post this: What's the opposite of a Neanderthal?

A: A Neandersmall

Some Reddit posts are like one night stands

You make a comment in the post and then never hear from it again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND A HILLBILLY WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

Suddenly, there was a beeping sound. The German pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at her questionly.

"That was my pager," she said. " I have a microchip implanted under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The Japanese woman lifted her...

I posted my best joke, but no one likes it.

It seems everyone has already reddit.

I was going to post a joke I have seen here before, ...

But I figure you guys already Reddit.

I Accidentally Put a Two-Inch Post in the Wrong Place

Good thing it was only a small misstake

I saw someone post their 6yo's pirate joke today. Here's my 6yo's pirate joke...

Why can't a pirate say the alphabet?

Because they always get lost at C.

How can you get the attention of a pervert?

Mark the post with an NSFW tag

What do you call a fight at the post office?

A P.O. box.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Post in front of a bar. Complete 3 challenges win 10000$

A man sees the post and goes in to ask the bartender about it. The challenges are simple.

1. Drink two bottles of vodka.

2. Behind the door there's a crocodile with a loose tooth. Take out the tooth.

3. There's a stubborn girl in a room upstairs. Give her an orgasm.

He...

My first post

*I’m not drunk, just road trippin*

My first posted joke.

It's about 2 in the morning and the wife wakes up and notices her husband is not in bed next to her. She puts on her robe and goes down to the kitchen to find her husband sitting at the table with a cup of coffee, a single tear under one eye. "Honey, what's wrong?" she asks. He replies, "Do you reme...

It's my cake day people say i have to post something funny

Something funny

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was going to post a joke about my penis...

...but the moderators said it was too short.

I got an email notification about a joke being posted in Reddit

I clicked delete, but my email client wouldn't let me send it to trash. Apparently, jokes can only be recycled, not sent to trash

Do you remember when everyone was worried about Post Malone?

Everyone thought he was on drugs or something, but I’m sure he’s fine. We should just Leave Malone.

Once a hobbit gets to around 125 years old, they are very likely to die. And a little known fact is that, when they do, they are generally found to have a raging, post-mortem erection!

That's right, old hobbits die hard.

First post please be nice

And English man a Chinese man and an Australian man were in a hot air balloon and it started to got down, the English man said quick we need to get rid of stuff we don't need so he throws out a tea pot and a mug, and says "we have to many of these in our country" the Chinese man throws out some ch...

I'll take this down if people want me to. I don't know where else to post this, so I figured here is ok. How do you get to Germany?

You go straight down the road and take the 3rd Reich.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and...

My teacher always starts her class by reading one of the posts from r/jokes, but today she’s absent.

So instead, a subreddit.

I wanted to throw a party for my cake day, so I sent an invitation to every redditor on r/jokes. However, the post office lost all my invitations.

I didn't repost, so no one got my joke.

Since we are posting our kids’ jokes ...here’s my 5 year old’s ..

My dad texted a joke for me to show my son (how do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on him . Ha.)

So I ask my son “How do you catch a unique rabbit?”

He says “you grabbit! ” he was super proud and honestly , I like his better

PSA: Posts related to illegal drugs will no longer be allowed.

We don't crack jokes here.

First post - have mercy

I wanted to research bestiality, but I felt I was going down a rabbit-hole.

I wanted to post a joke about Jonestown here

But the punchline is too long.

My girlfriend left a post-it on the fridge saying "This isn't working"

But the light comes on and the food's still cold, so I don't know what she's on about.

A cop stops a Harley for travelling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name

'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a
break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then
presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that h...

My favorite high stakes parkour artist hasn't posted in months.

Not only is it a cliffhanger its most likely a cliff faller.

A thrice divorced woman is giving love another try ...

Her first love abused her with his fists. The second one ran away. The third one completely failed in bed. But she still feels lonely and doesn't want to stop believing in love, so she posted an ad on a newspaper with her story that she was still available. A few days later, she heard the doorbell r...

I was going to post a joke here about self-isolation but then decided not to.

It was kind of an inside joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Wife took a DNA test for her kid

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks strange so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.

Husband: What's up?

Wife: According to DNA t...

Lately, I've seen a post about red flags to look out for when looking for a job

All I can say is dont go looking for a job at chinese government buildings because there's always a red flag

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two friends are walking their dogs--a Dalmatian and a Chihuahua--when they smell something delicious coming from a nearby restaurant.

The guy with the Dalmatian says, "Let's get something to eat."

But the guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can’t go in there, we have dogs with us."

So the first guy says, "Just follow my lead." He puts on a pair of sunglasses and walks into the restaurant.

"Sorry," says the owner,...

I posted a very good joke on this sub yesterday

But nobody reddit

I feel like I can always tell when there’s an Australian commenting on my Reddit posts.

Have you ever... ever felt like this?

My mom just posted in our family group: "It's our fat ones birthday today!"

She is referring to our cat.

10 minutes later, I get a message from my dad: "Happy birthday kid."

Teach a man a joke, and he will laugh for a day

Teach a redditor a joke, and they will repost it for a lifetime.

Post Malone

Did he have any PREQUELS?

This post is sponsored by Uncle Tom’s rice.

It’s like Uncle Ben’s, but a bit more racist

Colonel comes up to the guard post and asks if anything happened during the last shift

"Nothing much sir" says the private on duty "just the spade handle got broken"
"And what were you doing with the spade that it broke, private?"
"Just burying the guard dog, sir"
"What happened to the guard dog, private?"
"It was run over by the firetruck."
"What bloody firetruck?"
...

I hate spelling errors.

You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.

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