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I absolutely HATE when people make a post subtly implying it's their cake day, just so people can wish them.

You won't catch me doing that today.

Please don't post any more school shooting jokes, consider them rule 10 - overly offensive.

Let's give each other time to heal and get back to the reposts we all know and love (just kidding) - but enough is enough of these.

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My Gf says I can get anal on my cake day if this post reaches front page

Please upvote because I want to rearrange the whole house furnitures to make them perfectly symmetric from every angle

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We should have a TV show where illegal immigrants hunt down sex offenders for a chance at citizenship

We can call it "Alien vs Predator"

\[EDIT\]: Wow I can't believe the amount of people who would want to make it a reality. *Netflix if your seeing this post you know what to do.*

**If you want, you may follow this post - I may update it in the future if something exciting happens.** <...

I think this one was here but saw it a few years ago so i decided to post it.

Little Jimmy was once playing with his dinosaur toys on the backyard, when his older brother Tony walked towards him with a brand new baseball bat, ball and glove.

Jimmy noticed it and gasped "Tony, how did you get all those cool toys?!"

"Simple" Tony chuckled "Just go to an adult, and...

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.

When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcef...

It absolutely bothers me when some attention seeking people make posts and comments indicating that it's it their cake day just so that people wish them.

I'm just glad I'm not one of those people

A football quarterback, soccer wing forward, baseball designated hitter, volleyball setter, hockey winger and cricket batsman walk into a bar...

# POST REMOVED

**Rule 10 -** Overly ***offensive*** content

The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker among themselves, is that, they don't speak the same language.

For instance, take the simple phrase - Secure the building.

The Army would post guards around the place.

The Navy would turn out the lights and lock the doors.

The Marines would kill everyone inside and set up headquarters.

The Air Force would take out a five year lease ...

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My Ex called me a sex machine

Well. her exact words were "fucking tool" but I knew what she meant.


Taken from Tinder bio post...

Why are there two “d”s in “Reddit”?

The second one’s a repost.

Why are shooting stars so fast? (x-post from /dadjokes)

They’re traveling light.

Did you hear Humpty Dumpty’s egg business posted record profits in Q3?

He had a great fall.

What do you call a threat of violence posted on a bulletin board?

Under a tack.

Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?

It was about a weak back.

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Why is Putin and Zelensky neighbors?

Apparently a big dick needs a great set of balls next to it.

(Came up on my own :,))





Edit no. Unknown- Thank you for redditors who pointed out the mistakes in my post. Sadly, I can’t change the title. It is “Are” instead of “Is”.

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I almost didn't post this joke, but I decided you deserve it.

The doctor and his wife were having a heated argument at breakfast. As he stormed out of the house, the man angrily yelled to his wife, “You aren’t that good in bed either!”

By midmorning, he decided he’d better make amends and called home. After many rings, his wife, clearly out of breath, a...

Posting this for a friend who thinks this a funny joke.. what do think? (NSFW)

Nobody: What do you call a girl who doesn’t give head?

Me: Idk

Nobody: an Uber

Have you ever noticed the tags that you can use when posting on r/Jokes?

For some reason, people can't use the OC tag in their posts.

Old army joke

A major arrives at a remote post. “Where’s your lieutenant?” he asks a private.

“Sir, there isn’t a lieutenant assigned to this post.”

“I was told there was.”

“No, sir, no lieutenant here.”

“I’m pretty sure there is.”

The private thinks about it for a moment. “Well...

She posted “thinking about him” on her instagram story

& all 17 of us felt special.

Chuck Norris, Zelensky, and God all walk into a bar.

The Bartender looks up, "Were were just about to start a new drinking game I've been working on. I call out a bragging point, and each one willing to meet it, chugs their drink. The last man standing due to matching every post and surviving every drink, gets the pot. Everyone else has to split the t...

A Navy recruit has his first day on the submarine.

A Navy recruit has his first day on the submarine.
He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.
"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."
The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer...

What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it?

Post office

A r/Jokes front page post walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "Have I seen you before?"

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Are pirates ass men or tit men

Ass men. It’s all about the quality of the booty, not the size of the chest.

Came up with this a few months ago and keep forgetting to post it.

I was on a date and mentioned to her how I saw a great post on Reddit. She said she’s never heard of Reddit.

I replied that I’m not sure I can date someone who’s never heard of Reddit.

Then she said: “Ok…now do you want anything else or shall I bring you the check?”

Why do people keep posting the same joke on here?

Because they’re hoping people haven’t Reddit already.

Here's an oldie but goodie that hopefully hasn't been re-posted a thousand times:

A man is making love to his boss's wife and she passionately whispers in his ear, "Kiss me!"

He says, "Are you out of your mind? I shouldn't even be doing THIS!'


I read that in Bob Newhart's autobiography years ago and it has always stuck out as one of those weird jokes that halfwa...

What do a top Reddit Post and an Army Veteran have in common?

They're both reposted.

(Got to say this out loud) Knock knock...

- Who's there?

- I eat map

- I eat map who?

- Ewwww (etc, etc)


This is posted on behalf of our seven year old. It's his favourite joke.

I was gonna post a Meatloaf joke but I thought better of it.

I would do anything for upvotes but I won't do that.

The story of how I met Mr Ache.

There once was a man, funnier than anybody else. People knew him as Mr Ache. Some would travel from far and wide to learn the art of telling a joke from this guy. He might just have been the funniest guy who ever lived.

One day, I decided I wanted to make a post on r/Jokes. I packed up my thi...

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My girlfriend left me last week, so I posted all the nudes she ever sent me onto r/nudes.

The mods removed them though as they go against the rules.

They don't allow reposts.

Why Werewolves don't post on Reddit?

Someone might give them their free "Silver"

Why should you always post jokes in American English?

They can reach a wider audience.

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After masturbating post nut clarity hit hard

I guess you could say I came to my senses

I just came up with this

A photon us going through airport security. The security guard says "that's not a lot of luggage" the photon says "I'm travelling light.

I wanted to post a joke about sodium

But then I was like “Na, people won’t get it”

Was going to post an original joke my parents made 27 years ago

But r/jokes won't let me post my selfies

Not sure if posted already

A guy walks into a bar

Man:”my wife just cheated on me and I just wanna drink myself to death”

Waiter:”I can’t serve you and help you commit suicide”

Man:”What would you do if you were in my situation”

Waiter:” I’d kill the guy that slept with my wife”

Man:”That’s ...

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Inspired by post on reddit/ technology

Police stop a guy.
-Name
Wankbreak
-Excuse me?
Wankbreak....Fred Wankbreak.
-Listen mate you're coming down to the station if you carry on like that.
No seriously I work in the Warehouse over there give them a ring they'll vouch for me.
Cop sighs but can do without the paperwork...

The hobbits Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin, sat in Fangorn Forest to hear the first annual post-Sauron "Ent Comedy Jam" .... (An original LOTR-themed meta-joke for you.)

The hobbits Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin, sat in Fangorn Forest to hear the first annual post-Sauron "Ent Comedy Jam."

With them was Gandalf, returned from over Sea with Frodo in tow just for the occasion. No one in living memory – at least now that the elves were all in the Undying Lands to...

The Test

This joke was told to me 20 years ago by a friend of my Dad’s.

The President of the USA decides to run an exercise to test the effectiveness of the CIA, the FBI and the LAPD with a simple task - a bunny rabbit will be let loose in a designated forest and he will send in one agency at a time ...

Most of the posts here are medium.

They aren’t rare and they are definitely not well done.

The problem with telling jokes about the post office

It’s always he next day when people get it

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Speaking of foreskins.....

A baby boy was born back in 2015 with a rare condition called Ablepharon-macrostomia syndrome that left him without eyelids.  This happened in my small resort town in upstate NY, it turned that there was a world-renowned plastic surgeon in town and he performed a surgery to correct the condition. Du...

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Reddit advice on relationships

Reddit advice on relationships no matter the question: “leave them, it’s a red flag!”. The Redditor then feels satisfied, having posted sound advice, and goes to sleep alone in their single-mom’s basement.

I used to rip off famous comedians' jokes to post on Reddit for easy karma.

I still do, but I used to, too.

A chicken and an egg are in bed having a post coital cigarette.

With a sigh of disappointment the chicken says, “Well that answers that age old question.”

I hate it when people make posts calling out about their cakeday

I also hate it when they call me a hypocrite

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