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A fat man goes to a unique Health Centre that advertises weight loss and sex.

Intrigued by the ad, he goes in and asks the receptionist what this is all about.
She replies 'Well sir, it's exactly as we said, we have several formula and you can lose weight and have sex'
'Oh my' he says 'Let me try the first option then'
'Fair enough, that will be the door on your l...

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There has been lots of skepticism on whether advertised Penis Enlargement methods actually work. However recent studies proved that "virtual" Penis Enlargement (VPE) does work.

Your penis doesn't actual grow in size, but appears larger to your partner. The most effective VPE, was shown to be Money.

I don’t know why marvel hasn’t tried to advertise on the hulk.

He’s a giant banner after all.

TIL that in the '60s, Liverpool FC tried to get Yul Brynner to advertise their own-brand aftershave.

Sadly, it was doomed to fail because...

Yul never wore cologne.

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You can tell how good a house is to rent just by looking at the advertisement outside.

If there’s an i between the “TO LET” sign, you know it’s a shit hole.

How does the French Military advertise its surplus WW2 rifles?

“Brand new, only been thrown onto the ground once.”

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"I saw a job advertised for a fanny waxers assistant. Job includes removing ladies panties and prepare for waxing and rub oil in after waxing.

When I asked about the job they said I had to go to Cornwall. I said is that where the job is? No they said, that's where the back of the fucking queue is!!"

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A girl promised to have sex with me if I would advertise bathroom cleaner on r/jokes

I refused of course because my moral principles are extremely strong.

Just as strong as new Cif multi-action cleaner in the 750ml spray bottle, now available in Original, Lemon Fresh or Forest Pine!

Three guys go in for a job interview.

The first guy goes in and kicks ass, best job interview he’s ever done in his life. End of the interview comes around, the interviewer says:

“By the way, do you notice anything strange about me?”

“Yeah,” says the guy… “You don’t have any EARS, man!”

“I’m sorry, says the intervie...

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I was offered sex with a 24 year old Instagram model last night. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner.

Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available in lemon scent or vanilla.

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You cant spell ADVERTISEMENTS without...

SEMEN between the TITS.

My dad bought an eraser that advertises as “erases big mistakes”

I’m sweating right now

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A man was trying to lose weight

A man was trying to lose weight and stumbled upon an advertisement by a company that advertised weight loss of 10 pounds over the course of just one week. He decided he had nothing to lose so he decided to give it a try.

The very next day his training sessions started. He was greeted by a stu...

My brother asked if i could help him come up with a way to advertise the new vacation resort he was opening up.

I said "Brochure."

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What's the similarity between a dick and a McDonald's burger?

They're both smaller and less-filling than advertised.

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Someone was interviewing a shop owner who just placed an advertisement on the paper

"Do you have any response to your advertisement that you were looking for a night guard?"

Shopowner: "Yeah, we got robbed last night."

Notre Dame joke: A priest advertises a job to ring the bell at Notre Dame and the only applicant is a hunchback with no arms...

The priest asks "How can you do the job? You can't pull the rope!" Hunchback: "I have a plan - but we have to go to the top of the tower to where the bell is." So they climb all those stairs to the top of the tower. The priest says "Ok, what's your plan?"

The hunchback runs and jumps at the b...

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There was a cat, a cow and a horse who lived on a farm.

It was a massive farm in Virginia which spanned a few acres, and every day the three animals would work on the farm. Even though it was exhausting, it was very rewarding.

One day, the cat decided to take the day off. While the cow and the horse worked on the farm, the cat sat down and watche...

How did the new trucking and RV car dealership advertise its coming soon business?

It put out an extra long trailer in front of the establishment on tv

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A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds "Wife Wanted".

The next day, he received hundreds of replies, all reading the same thing: "You can have mine."

If you advertise your big new TV by putting the box out in the trash, I'm gonna steal it.

My cardboard fort only needs a few more pieces.

Don't want to advertise it but I'm on reddit and I have friends

All ten seasons. (Message me if interested)

Edit : sold to some stranger.

A bank tried to advertise its new current accounts

Unfortunately, there was no interest.

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There was a youth who lived in Russia.

He was orphaned at the young age of 5. He only had one mother, Mother Russia. With no one to take care of him, he was left to fend for himself. He was poor and worked in the coal mines, to earn a mediocre salary to last him a day or two.

One day after a hard day at work, he walked down a si...

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A man is walking down the street when he sees an advertisement for his favorite boxer, Mike Tyson.

He stops and reads the text on the poster.

**Come meet Mike Tyson! First 20 people can get punched by the man himself!**

Knowing that he didn’t want to pass up this opportunity, he shows up to the ring, 45 minutes early.

The building was already packed full of fans waiting to se...

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A Lowe's Hardware bathroom

is just an advertisement

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Why does sex sell?

You can't spell "advertisements" without "semen" in between the "ti ts"

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I saw an Irishman while visiting Montreal.

When I asked what he was doing there he replied “I saw an advertisement that said “Drink Canada Dry” so I thought I’d give it a go.”

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A man is walking the Las Vegas strip, and runs into the most beautiful women he has ever met.

He starts talking to her, and to his luck he finds out she is a prostitute. So, he asks her.
"How much for a hand-job?"
"$5,000" she replies.
"$5,000?? You must be nuts, no way."
"Walk with me." She replies. He agrees and they walk for a moment to end up in front of a res...

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Why do Irishmen never move from Canada back to Ireland?

Because they saw the advertisement "Drink Canada Dry," and they've been trying ever since.

How do you advertise a boxing match between a Hispanic construction worker, and a Catholic priest.

Alien vs predator

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How do terrorist advertise their suicide mission?

Suicide bombers get 72 virgins.

How did the Stasi advertise?
Snitches get bitches.

Personally, i think that Tide pods are even better than advertised.

I mean, anything that can clean your clothes and the gene pool in the same product...

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A 40 years old man goes to a circus show

He went there to remind himself of his most precious childhood memories, but mostly because the flyers advertised a pretty peculiar act.

The clowns, the animals, the magicians, all did their part but by the end of the show enters a little old man in his seventies, wearing a bathrobe. The old ...

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Google really does spy on us

This is why I don't trust smartphones. My friend and I were talking about repairing his roof over the next week, because the recent storm took off a few portions. The next day I saw advertisements all over Facebook telling me there are hot shingles in my area looking to get nailed.

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I recently saw an advertisement for a double entendre contest

So I entered my friend

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Advertisement aren't always what they seemed.

I was a single obese man watching TV.

A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week.

So I thought, what the hell and signed up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at my door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about h...

I was driving down the road when I passed a strip club that advertised it had "high caliber women".

To this day I still can't understand why they wouldn't want someone under 45 working there.

How has there not been a class action lawsuit against the major diaper companies?

Those things have never held the 22-37 pounds they advertise.

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A college advertising lecture is taking place. The speaker is presenting his anti-drug PSA.

He says:

- I am the author of a simple, yet effective campaign against drug use.

He shows the poster he designed. It shows two circles, one big and the other small. The big one is titled "This Is Your Brain", the small one is titled "This Is Your Brain on Drugs". The speaker says:
<...

How do you advertise a French rifle?

Never fired, dropped once.

My favorite Clean Joke

A small-town parish priest realizes that he is getting too old to ring the bell in the tower and advertises for a bell ringer. A few days later there's a knock at the door and the priest answers only to discover a man standing there with no arms. "Can I help you?" the priest asks, to which the man ...

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What's the best way for a prostitute to advertise?

Word of mouth.

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Newspaper personal advertisement section:

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of y...

A farmer had advertised his farm and was showing it to a prospective buyer

A farmer had advertised his farm and was showing it to a prospective buyer. As they walked along a fence line the buyer saw bee hives and stopped. He said, "Those hives are pretty close to the road."

The farmer explained that the bees just made honey and have never stung anyone.

The bu...

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I was offered $5,000 to sell my account to an advertisement firm

It was a tempting offer, but in the end I had to decline. My morals are strong and intentions are good, just like the wonderful people at Nestle.

I recently entered a competition to see who had gained the most weight and lost the most hair.

Obviously, it wasn’t called that. It was advertised as a ‘School Reunion.’

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A guy fuels up his car in a gas station advertised with "Free Sex With Every Fuel Up"...

So after fueling up his car and going inside to pay the man asks the cashier, "where is my free sex?" "Well there is a catch" replies the cashier "you have to guess a number from 1-10 if you get it right then you get the free sex" so the man answers 7. "Ah so close it was 8" replies the cashier. A f...

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A sign in the window of a bar advertised for a Piano Player...

...and one day a scroungy looking old guy entered the bar asking about the job.

The bartender was put off by the man's looks, but pointed him to the piano in the corner.

As the old man began to play, the room was filled with the most beautiful, melodious music anyone in the bar had eve...

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You cant spell advertisement

Without semen between the tits

My wife told me this just now, I'm busy trying to scratch out my eyes from the back of my head

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Tinder is actually the opposite of a porn advertisement

There are actually tons of hot singles near me, but none of them are interested in me.

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My grandfather's favourite joke

First time posting here, my grandfather's funeral was yesterday, and in honor of him I thought I would share his favourite joke of all time. My grandfather worked in advertisement, and his favourite jokes had to do with bad advertising. His favourite? Women's dresses, half off.

Rest in peace...

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TV ad for Benson's Nails

Benson runs a nail factory and decides his business needs a bit of advertising. He has a chat with a friend who works in marketing and he offers to make a TV ad for Benson's Nails.

"Give me a week," says the friend, "and I'll be back with an ad."

A week goes by and the marketing execut...

How did the inventor of the car advertise his new "horse-less carriage"?

He said it goes without a hitch!

I just opened up a big can of worms.

They just sit there....the worms. Hardly the chaos that’s advertised.

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I was watching TV last night

And an advertisement came on with the sweet sound of Sarah McLachlan singing her hit ballad “Angel” and a video of little African children COVERED in flies. A 1-800 number popped up on the screen and said, “for just 22 cents a day...” I had heard enough! I picked up the phone to call, I just had to ...

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Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife

Very Long Read:

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversa...

The Coronavirus has shut down theater

Due to social distancing, the Shakespearean Theater Company had to cancel all of their live shows. Before self-quarantining, they decided to do one last performance of Romeo and Juliet and livestream their production over the internet. In order to reach a wide audience, they advertised there show o...

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Why do marketers in the human body employ meiosis over mitosis when making their advertisements

Because sex cells!

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