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Advertise Jokes

I don’t know why marvel hasn’t tried to advertise on the hulk.

He’s a giant banner after all.

Elon Musk has come up with a fool proof plan of destroying Apple because they refuse to advertise on Twitter.

He plans to buy it.

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You can't spell advertisements without

semen between the tits

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A powerful Emperor advertised for a new Chief Samurai. Only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai,

Number One Samurai, "Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.

The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and "swish"; the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!

"What a feat!" said the Emperor. "Number Two Sam...

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(Old joke) A supermarket opened up next to a small grocer and to show how much cheaper they were put a big sign out the front advertising butter.

The grocer used to sell butter for 50p a packet, but the supermarket advertised it for 49p. The next day the grocer put a big sign on the front saying:

Butter: 48p

The supermarket couldn't afford to lose face so the next day it was loudly advertising:

BUTTER, ONLY 47p

How...

I was offered a good hot time today by a hot 21 year old redhead In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner.

Of course I said no as I have high moral standards and very strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available in scented lemon or vanilla.

Personally, i think that Tide pods are even better than advertised.

I mean, anything that can clean your clothes and the gene pool in the same product...

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A man placed an advertisement, "Wife wanted". The next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same thing: You can have mine

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A pregnant woman boards a bus. After taking a seat, she notices a man smiling at her. She feels self-conscious and changes her seat, but he seems even more amused. She moves a third time, and he starts to giggle. On her fourth move, he bursts out laughing.

They both get off the bus at the next stop. The pregnant woman is furious and demands an explanation. "What exactly is so damn funny?" "I'm sorry, ma'am," replies the giggling man. "But I couldn't help noticing you're pregnant, and when you first sat down, you sat under an advertisement which read '...

A church advertises a job for a bell ringer

Several people apply and the minister decides to have auditions to see who rings the bell the best. The last applicant comes in and the minister immediately notices that he has no arms.

"Tell me, son, how do you intend to ring the bell with your disability?"

"It's no problem," the app...

I advertised a python for sale in the paper

a man rang up and said “What size is it?”
I replied “It’s quite big”

“How many feet?” he asked,

“None, it’s a snake...”

Lodger: "But you advertised that one could see for miles from this room!"

Landlady: "Well, so you can. You can see the moon through the skylight, and ain't that miles away?

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I recently saw an advertisement for a double entendre contest

So I entered my friend

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A man went to Harley Street in London having seen an advertisement for a Gynaecologist's Assistant.

Naturally interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details.


The clerk pulled up the file and read: The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynaecologist.


You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regio...

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I keep seeing advertisements encouraging people to donate blood...

But every time I try to donate they have too many questions for me, like:

"Who's blood is this?!"
and
"Where did you get it?"

What’s the most attention grabbing way to advertise a political candidate?

Poll dancing

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Job advertisement

A company was searching for someone to pack items. The only requirement for the job was to be able to count to ten.

The first applicant comes in and is asked to count to ten.

>10 - 9 - 8 - 7 - 6 - 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1

Well, that's backwards. Can you also do it in the correct ord...

How does the French Military advertise its surplus WW2 rifles?

“Brand new, only been thrown onto the ground once.”

How do you advertise a boxing match between a Hispanic construction worker, and a Catholic priest.

Alien vs predator

My brother asked if i could help him come up with a way to advertise the new vacation resort he was opening up.

I said "Brochure."

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How do terrorist advertise their suicide mission?

Suicide bombers get 72 virgins.

How did the Stasi advertise?
Snitches get bitches.

How do you advertise a French rifle?

Never fired, dropped once.

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A girl promised to have sex with me if I would advertise bathroom cleaner on r/jokes

I refused of course because my moral principles are extremely strong.

Just as strong as new Cif multi-action cleaner in the 750ml spray bottle, now available in Original, Lemon Fresh or Forest Pine!

A man advertises in the paper "help wanted"

"need someone with a keen eye for detail for touch up of property."

The next day, he gets a call from a lady enquiring about about the position. She arrives later that day and he's floored by her beauty: blonde, leggy, bodacious.

She asks him "what's needing done, sugar?"

He rep...

A bank tried to advertise its new current accounts

Unfortunately, there was no interest.

I recently entered a competition to see who had gained the most weight and lost the most hair.

Obviously, it wasn’t called that. It was advertised as a ‘School Reunion.’

Don't want to advertise it but I'm on reddit and I have friends

All ten seasons. (Message me if interested)

Edit : sold to some stranger.

How did the new trucking and RV car dealership advertise its coming soon business?

It put out an extra long trailer in front of the establishment on tv

A young baker buys a shop

He is very excited as this is his first venture since qualifying. He sells ok on everyday items like bread, but runs into trouble with his 'special items'. One day he makes beautiful cakes, however his customers only want pastries that day. So the next day he makes pastries, but now they want muffin...

TIL that in the '60s, Liverpool FC tried to get Yul Brynner to advertise their own-brand aftershave.

Sadly, it was doomed to fail because...

Yul never wore cologne.

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What's the best way for a prostitute to advertise?

Word of mouth.

If you advertise your big new TV by putting the box out in the trash, I'm gonna steal it.

My cardboard fort only needs a few more pieces.

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Advertisement aren't always what they seemed.

I was a single obese man watching TV.

A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week.

So I thought, what the hell and signed up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at my door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about h...

There is a restaurant that advertises that it will serve you anything you want, but if they can't, then they will gift you $5000 as an apology.

A man passing by sees this message advertised at the entrance, and believes this to be bullshiet, but decides to try it out anyway.

He enters and a waiter takes him to a table. The waiter asks, "What would you like to eat today, sir?"

Man: "I would like an elephant's ear and a muffin ...

The sunglasses I ordered were much darker than advertised.

I blame a lack of transparency

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You cant spell advertisement

Without semen between the tits

My wife told me this just now, I'm busy trying to scratch out my eyes from the back of my head

How do you advertise a motor home?

A trailer

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A traveler checked in at a hotel that advertised widely as offering

everything a client might desire.  The traveler at once called room service.  "I want to have brought to my room," he said, "a young virgin
between the ages of 18 and 19, who must have blonde hair and blue eyes. I also want sent up 4 pieces of strong rope, each exactly 4 feet in
length, and a ...

[OC] My nickname is Subway.

I advertise 6 inches but you get a bit less.

When I put up my artificial Christmas tree every year I hate bending all the branches back in to shape. This year I advertised on Craigslist for a "fluffer."

Boy, did I get a lot of weird responses.

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I just saw a church advertisement

They've been under the same establishment for 2,000 years!

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What deal did the undead entrepreneurial cattle farmer advertise?

Shit for Brains

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What do you call a food advertisement wandering in the desert?

A Nom ad

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A girl came to me today...

...and told me she will have sex with me if I advertise some random liquid detergent. Of course I said no, after all I'm a powerful man with high standards. As powerful as the new Ajax detergent, which offers a unique freshness, activated on air contact.

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A man is walking the Las Vegas strip, and runs into the most beautiful women he has ever met. [NSFW]

He starts talking to her, and to his luck he finds out she is a prostitute. So, he asks her.

"How much for a hand-job?"

"5,000$" she replies.

"5,000$?? You must be nuts, no way."

"Walk with me." She replies. He agrees and they walk for a moment to end up in front of a re...

Why did the hotel refuse to give out the advertised “continental breakfast?”

The continent was Africa.

My dad bought an eraser that advertises as “erases big mistakes”

I’m sweating right now

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Why do gametes make great advertisers?

Because sex cells

An organic bakery advertises that they hire the best people for the job, regardless of criminal history...

I think they should have thought about their name alittle more at Dave's Killer Bread.

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Tinder is actually the opposite of a porn advertisement

There are actually tons of hot singles near me, but none of them are interested in me.

A bishop advertises a job to ring the bell in his tower.

The only job applicant is a hunchback with no arms. Bishop: "How can you do the job? You can't pull the rope!" Hunchback: "I have a plan - but we have to go to the top of the tower, where the bell is." .. So they climb all those stairs to the top of the tower. Bishop: "Ok, show me your plan."
...

What does McDonalds and your tinder hook-up have in common?

They don’t look as good as advertised but you’ll eat them anyways.

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"I saw a job advertised as a fanny waxers assistant"

Job includes; removing ladies knickers, prepare fanny for waxing and rub oil in after waxing. When i asked at the job centre, they said i had to go to Cornwall. I said, "why is that where the job is?" No they said, "thats where the fucking back of the queue is!!"

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Someone was interviewing a shop owner who just placed an advertisement on the paper

"Do you have any response to your advertisement that you were looking for a night guard?"

Shopowner: "Yeah, we got robbed last night."

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A guy fuels up his car in a gas station advertised with "Free Sex With Every Fuel Up"...

So after fueling up his car and going inside to pay the man asks the cashier, "where is my free sex?" "Well there is a catch" replies the cashier "you have to guess a number from 1-10 if you get it right then you get the free sex" so the man answers 7. "Ah so close it was 8" replies the cashier. A f...

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Saw an advertisement for a free TV

It said "Volume stuck on high, free to first person who wants it."

I thought to myself "Man, I cant turn this down!"

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I was offered $5,000 to sell my account to an advertisement firm

It was a tempting offer, but in the end I had to decline. My morals are strong and intentions are good, just like the wonderful people at Nestle.

Three guys go in for a job interview.

The first guy goes in and kicks ass, best job interview he’s ever done in his life. End of the interview comes around, the interviewer says:

“By the way, do you notice anything strange about me?”

“Yeah,” says the guy… “You don’t have any EARS, man!”

“I’m sorry, says the intervie...

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You can tell how good a house is to rent just by looking at the advertisement outside.

If there’s an i between the “TO LET” sign, you know it’s a shit hole.

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Slogan for a Sperm Bank Advertisement

"You squeeze it, we freeze it!"

There's a special place in hell for false advertisers.

I heard women's pants are half-off at the clothes store. But when I got there, all the women were fully clothed.

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Sex toy companies should target their advertisements at virgins.

It's an untapped market.

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