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Wife: "I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Husband: "The good news."

Wife: "The good news is that your car's airbag worked perfectly."

A guy isn't feeling well, and goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?"

The guy says, "I guess I'll get the good news first."

The doctor replies, "You're going to get something named after you."

Sad News: The founder of /r/jokes has passed away

RIP Larry Tesler, the UI designer that created Cut, Copy and Paste, died age 74

Doctor: Do you want the good news first, or the bad news?

Man: Good news first please, doc!

Doctor: We’re naming a disease after you

Good news, bad news

Doctor: I've got some good news and some bad news. What would you rather hear first?

Patient: Gee, I don't know...gimme the good news first I guess.

Doctor: The operation was 100% successful

Patient: That's great news! So what's the bad news?!

Doctor: We amputated the wr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BREAKING NEWS! Viagra as treatment for sunburns...

It doesn't cure it but it sure keeps the sheets off of your legs at night...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In breaking news, Trump’s personal library has burned down.

The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist, he hadn’t even finished coloring the second one.





Edit: Wow! Thank you for all of the awards, I didn't anticipate that. Some people need to relax though. This is just a freakin' joke, not the agenda of a movement.

Also,...

Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall

On the condition he gets to install windows.

Doctor: “Sir, I have some bad news, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards”

Me: “and?”

People in North Korea are so brainwashed by the government and the state controlled national news thinking their country is great. Outsiders know better.

That is why I am glad to live in the greatest country in the world, The United States of America.

So I went on r/news today..

[removed]

Did you hear the shocking news about Yahoo this morning?

Apparently they still have 500 million users.

It turns out, 'Fox News' has no actual coverage of foxes.

I was also disappointed by BBC news.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and gets bad news.

"You've got a rare disease and you've only got 6 months to live," the doc tells him. The patient is incredulous and tells the doctor he's going to get a second opinion.

He finds another doctor a few days later and after a battery of tests, this doctor gives him the same bad news. Patient is ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was watching the news this morning when the presenter said..

"A man has been arrested after half a million indecent images of children were found at his home in Bradford. Our reporter Gary O'Donoghue has more."

Gary, you filthy bastard.

Bad news: a message in German sent 110 years ago by homing pigeon was just found.

Worse news: it was an acceptance letter to art school.

A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client and said to him, “Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.”

The art collector replied, “I’ve had an awful day; let’s hear the good news first.”
The attorney said, “Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. I think she could be right.”
Saul repli...

Antiwork did an interview on Fox News to try to create a good public image of their sub

It didn't work.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yo mama so fat, they did a story on how fat she was on the channel 3 news

I switched to channel 7 and you could still see her ass in the corner of the screen

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bad news

The doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration.
'You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remov...

A doctor says, "I have bad news, and very bad news." "What's the bad news?" Asked the patients. "You only have 24-hours to live." "And the really bad news?"

I should have told you yesterday.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

News story reminds me of old JFK "golden toilet" joke

Read in the news that thieves had been charged with stealing a $6 million gold toilet and it reminded me of this "classic."

For some reason one of the characters in this joke when it was told to me was JFK. The accent maybe made it more humorous.

JFK is on a talk show telling the story...

As the patient recovers from laser eye surgery, the surgeon comes in asks if they want the good news or the bad news first......

The patient excitedly replies, “I’ll take the good news first.”

The surgeon tells them, “Well, you’re about to get a new dog!”

Sad news. I broke up with my girlfriend Lorraine because I was seeing another girl named Claire Lee…

But the good news is that I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone

some goods news and some bad news.

a patient went into the doctor's office for his physical. when the patient asked how his health was, the doctor replied "well, i have some good news and some bad news". ever the optimist, the patient said "give me the good news first". the doctor smiled and said "well, the good news is that you are ...

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My friend told me, “I’ve got great news. My wife is pregnant.”

Me: Excellent. Do you know the sex?

Him: Of course we know “the sex”. How else would she get pregnant?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BREAKING NEWS: A man was admitted to the hospital today with 25 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum.

Doctors have described his condition as stable.

My wife is threatening to kick me out of the house because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor.

More on this after the break.

Great news! I got the whole plane to myself!

The large group going to the psychics convention all cancelled at the last minute.

Why did the Fox News Christmas tree catch fire?

They left it too close to the gaslight.

The bad news is, I dropped my cactus today

The worse news is that I caught it

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Son takes his father to the doctor. The doctor gives them the bad news that the father is dying of cancer.

Father tells the son that he has had a good long life and wants to stop at the boozer on the way home to celebrate it.

While at the pub, the father sees several of his friends. He tells them that he is dying of AIDS.

When the friends leave the son asks, "Dad, you are dying of cancer. W...

In breaking news, Triple Crown winner Justify has turned down an invitation to White House.

When asked why he answered, “If I wanted to see a horse’s ass, I would have finished second.”

Sad news....I lost my job as a stage designer,

I wasn't very happy but left without making a scene.

Roe vs Wade is in the news again.

Right now, it's the two main forms of Houston transportation

Good news and Bad News

Doctor: So, I have good news, and bad news.

Patient: Alright, I want the good news first.

Doctor: Okay. You have 24 hours to live.

Patient: WHAT?! What can be worse than that?!

Doctor: I've been trying to contact you since yesterday

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Good News/ Bad News

A man walks into his doctor's office. The doc says "Have a seat." The man sits down and the doctor says " Well, I have good news and bad news. Which one would you like first?"
The man thinks for a second and says "I guess ill take the bad news first. Let's just get it over with."
The doctor re...

Good news bad news

Doctor: I’ve got good news and bad news, what would you like first?

Patient: Uuummm I’ll take the bad news first, just to get it out of the way.

Doctor: you have Dimentia, and it seems to have progressed pretty quickly.

Patient: Okay now give me the bad news, just to get it out ...

How many /r/news mods does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They like to keep their subscribers in the dark.

Boss, I have good news and bad news

Whats the bad news?

Im retiring today

Whats the good news?

Im retiring today

Breaking news: Germany is advising people to stock up on sausages and cheese.

This is starting to look like the Wurst Käse scenario.

Breaking News: There was a break in at the police station today and the toilet was stolen.

The police have nothing to go on.

The news said there is a necrophiliac on the loose

Look alive, folks!

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in the Bay Of Fundy, Nova Scotia , a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties. "We know it's late, sir, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the Mounties.

"Tell me! Did you find her!?" the husband shouted.

The Mounties looked at each other. One said,

"We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news.. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, the ashen husband said "Give me the bad news first."
<...

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Joke #3481 A man receives the bad news that he's going to die in the morning

Through an unfortunate miracle of medical science, a man receives the worst news possible from his doctor.

"I'm sorry, but tomorrow morning at precisely 7:23, you're going to have a brain clot that will kill you."

The man is stunned. "But I don't even feel sick!"

The doctor exp...

Sad news, my obese parrot died today.

Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.

Breaking News Trump’s personal library just burned down

The fire consumed both books and he hasn’t even finished coloring the second one

Did you hear the news that Trump's personal library burnt down?

Unfortunately, both books were permanently destroyed.


Do you know the what the real tragedy is?
He didn't even finish colouring the second one.

I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The doctor said "I have good news and bad news..."

The good news is that your dick grew 3 inches.
The bad new is it's malignant

A woman placed an ad in a news paper. 'I am looking for a male partner who needs to meet these three requirements.

1. He shouldn't beat me.
2. He shouldn't leave me.

Third and most important.

3. He should be great in bed.


One week later, her door bell rang, and she opened the door to find a man.

The man said, "Hi, I'm Peter. I don't have hands, so I can't beat you. I don't hav...

BREAKING NEWS: Scientists have discovered an amazing fact about icebergs...

More below.

The father of Private Smith has deceased, and the drill instructor is tasked to break the tragic news to the young man...

The father of Private Smith has deceased, and the drill instructor is tasked to break the tragic news to the young man. He has the platoon to line up in front of the barracks and addresses them:
"Platoon, atten-shun! Each soldier that's got a dad take two step forwar- SMITH, where the hell d'yo...

Just saw on the news that Apple is suing Samsung:

They claim that the Galaxy S3 has copied concepts used on the iPhone 6.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vladimir Putin was being briefed by one of his top generals.

"I've good news and bad news for you this morning, sir."

"Let's hear the good news," the president replied.

"Intelligence reports indicate that the latest additions to the Ukranian arsenal are damaged and outdated, and many won't pose any threat to us at all."

"That's excellent!...

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Fuck, got some shitty news today..

Found out that cock fighting is done with roosters.
Six months of training wasted.

I was reading in the news that a dwarf got pickpocketed...

how could anyone stoop so low

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Doc : I have some bad news and some good news.

Doc : I have some bad news and some good news.

Me : Okay, give me the bad news.

Doc: Well it’s all how you regard something like this, but you show very definite signs of homosexuality.

Me: Oh, come on. What in the world is the good news?

Doc: The good news is I think...

Breaking News: Local Kindergarten reports major Peek-a-Boo accident.

All involved were rushed to the ICU

"Son, I have some good news and some bad news."

"OK..." he hesitated.

"Well, the good news is...I got you a replacement hamster." I said.

"A...replacement..?" he stopped, as a tear ran down his cheek.

"Yes, and that leads me to the bad news," I added, "You are adopted."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two 70 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.

One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there...

Jim and Edna are both mental patients. One day Jim jumps into the swimming pool but, doesn't come up for air. Quick as a flash, Edna sees her friend in trouble, so dives in and pulls him out.

Later, the hospital director calls Edna into his office and sayes "Edna, Ive got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we are releasing you as you are obviously sane 'saving anothers life'. But unfortunately, the bad news is that Jim hanged himself in the bathroom ..."
"Oh no' Edna ...

One day, the pope's assistant comes up to him with good news and bad news

The Pope asks him what's the good news first.

"We have Jesus Christ himself on the phone"

and then the Pope thinks to himself, well how could there be bad news? Jesus is calling him! Naturally curious, he asks for the bad news.

"He's calling from Mecca."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump looks out on the snow covered White House Lawn, and notices that someone has pissed “Trump Sucks” in the fresh snow.

Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the SS says “Mr President, I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is we’ve done a dna test on the urine, and found the culprit. It turns out it’s Mike Pence’s.” “That traitor”, shouts Trump. “I’ll have him hang...

An excited kid rushes home to tell his dad the good news.

He tells his dad he got a part in the school play. The dad congratulates the son and asks what part he got. Son says I’m playing the part of a man who’s been married to the same woman for 25 years. Dad says nice son, just keep at it, maybe next time you’ll get a speaking part.

Good news + Bad news + Good news + Bad news

A woman was nervously waiting at the airport for her husband to return from his skydiving lesson. The pilot approached her: "I'm sorry, but there's been an accident. I have some bad news, some good news, some more bad news, and some more good news.

The bad news is your husband fell out of the...

I asked my daughter for the news

I asked my daughter to bring me the newspaper. she said I'm too old fashioned and brought me her iPhone. Not getting too much into details, the fly is now dead, the iPhone is broken and my daughter is crying

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A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

’About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50....

I dropped my knife and cut off a toe

After the surgery to reattach it, the doctor comes in.

Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.

Me: Tell me the bad news first doc.

Doctor: The bad news is they mistook a piece of candy for your toe.

Me: No way. Whats the good news?

Doctor: The good news is the ...

As she watches the news, an elderly woman calls her husband in concern.

She knows he is driving home, so she calls his cell phone.

"Dear, please be careful on the road today! I just heard on the radio that there is a driver going the wrong way down the highway."

Her husband replies, "Oh, it's not just one. There are hundreds of them!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

U.S. news......

In U.S. news, a Woman tries to cut of her lovers penis but instead she missed and cut his thigh.



She is currently being charged with a misdaweiner.

A man has his mother-in-law move in with him when she lost her job.

About a week later, he returns home from his job and finds her laying on the floor, unconscious. He calls 911, the ambulance comes and takes her off to the hospital.

He calls his wife and tells her she may have to cut her business trip short, but he'll keep her posted.

He gets to the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was hunting when a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over & discharged, shooting him in the genitals.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.

"Well, sir, I have some good news & some bad news.

The good news is that you are going to be OK.

The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, & we were able to r...

Breaking news: Yevgeny Prigozhin of the Wagner Group has installed Linux on his computer.

He's trying to stay away from Windows.

How do you distinguish between a news reporter and a chemist....

Ask them to pronounce "lead".

What's the difference between herpes and news about the British royal family?

It's easier to get rid of herpes.

While on vacation, the warden of a supermax prison gets a phone call from the subordinate he left in charge, who has good news and bad news.

*"The good news is one of the serial killers we had serving multiple life sentences escaped."*

"How is *that* good news??"

*"Well after breaking out he stole a car and led police on a high-speed chase that ended when he wrapped the car around a tree at 120 miles an hour. He was killed ...

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They say makeup sex is the best, which is great news for me.

Because all my sex is made up.

An 88-Year Old Woman was interviewed by the local News after getting married for the fourth time...

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation.

“He’s a funeral director,” she answered.

“Interesting,” the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little ...

Good news! Now that OnlyFans is getting rid of adult content

Your local restaurants will be able to hire servers again.

A man sits down next to a woman at the bar

He orders a beer and notices the TV above the bar showing the 5 O'clock news

The news is covering someone standing on the edge of a bridge with the police trying to talk him down from jumping

The man at the bar looks to the woman next to him and says "I bet you $10 he jumps"

Th...

BREAKING News: Government declares Halloween a nationwide statutory holiday. All workers eligible.

For the first time ever, Halloween will be staffed by a skeleton crew!

"I have good news and bad news," a defense attorney told his client....

First the bad news:

The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with that found at the crime scene."

Oh, no!" cried the client. "What's the good news?"

"Your cholesterol is down to 140."

I actually thought the Titan sub implosion was uplifting news [NSFW]

It was the first time in human history a billionaire had killed a teenager in international waters and the only reason they shared DNA was due to being related.

One time I asked a news reporter what the name of his three sons were...

He replied, "My oldest son is Jackson"

"Jeremiah is the middle child"

"And THIS JUSTIN"

After every president’s annual physical, the doctor always delivers the same news.

“Mr. President, the good news is that you have both sides of your brain. The bad news is that on the left side, nothing is right; and on the right side, nothing is left.”

Good News! I've just become the leap frog world record holder

On the downside I'm now banned from ever entering any mosque again!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hurricane is headed for a small town. The news says that everyone needs to evacuate. A religious man in the town says "I'm not going to leave my home, God will protect me".

The hurricane hits, and it's bad. There's mass flooding, and the police come to the man's door and tell him he needs to leave. The man says "I'm not afraid, God will protect me." The police give up and leave him.

The water rises in his house, so the man is forced to climb onto his roof. Just...

After the iceberg collision, the captain of the Titanic gathers the crew and tells them "I have bad news and good news."

"The bad news is that our ship has began to sink.

The good news is that we shall win eleven Academy Awards."

Two Irish men came down to give Mrs. O'Mally some bad news.

"We have some terrible news about your beloved husband, he fell into a vat of beer and drowned."
"Oh my poor Patrick" she moaned "At least he died a sudden death and didn't suffer."
"Well I don't know about that Mrs. O'Mally, he got out three times to go pee."

Have you heard the news?

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

A doctor tells his patient "I have good news and bad news"...

"Ok, tell me the bad news first" says the patient.

"Well, you have incurable cancer" the doctor says.

"Oh my god, what could be the good news?"

"Well, you won't have it for very long"

Breaking News

At Miami International Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator.

Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement which h...

Breaking News: In a press media briefing, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz has stated...

"Since we cannot beat our competitors, we have resorted to beating our customers".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Good news bad news

Guy goes in to see his doctor and the doctor says “I’ve got good news and bad news. “
Guy says” well gimme the bad news first”
Doc says “You’ve only got three months to live. “
Guy says “wow! How could there be any good news after that. “
Doc says “Well you see that young pretty nurse in...

Trump steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter

Donald Trump steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees “Donald Trump Sucks” written in urine across the snow.

Well, he's is pretty ticked off. He storms into his security staff’s HQ, and yells “Somebody wrote an insult i...

Breaking World Cup News.

Ivan Toney has denied that the recent betting allegations cost him a place in the England Squad and states he is gutted he will not be involved in Monday's 2-2 draw with Iran..

A man and his blond wife were watching the news when a story came on about a plane crash.

The news anchor said that six Brazilian soccer players were on the plane and none of them survived. The wife started crying uncontrollably. The man was very concerned and asked his wife why she was so upset. She replied, "I don't know how many a brazillion is, but it sure sounds like a lot!"

A man went skydiving...

A man went skydiving for the first time.
The pilot went to find the man’s wife. “I’ve got some bad news, some good news, some even worse news and some better news.”
“Oh, my gosh...what happened?”
“Your husband fell out of the plane. The good news is that he had a parachute on. The worse ne...

I heard on the news that there is a guy stealing tires from police cars.

I understand the police are working tirelessly to solve the crime.

I should steal a news van. It's the perfect crime.

How are they gonna report it?

A man is watching the news

and the news anchor says that a gorilla has escaped the local zoo. Crikey the man thinks to himself as he spots a gorilla in his garden tree. He calls the zoo who send an animal catcher to come get the gorilla. He rolls into the driveway in a large van. He opens the van door and inside he has a poli...

BREAKING NEWS from the courtroom! Amber Heard confesses to having a child with Charlie Sheen. The child went to live with his father and took his name.

Both parents agreed the child should be sheen and not heard.

Doctor- “I’ve got good news and bad news...

“Take one of these pills every day for the rest of your life and all your symptoms will disappear.”

Man- “That’s great! But I see there are only three pills in this bottle.”

Doctor- “Yeah, well... I was getting to the bad news.”

What's the difference between a Shakespeare comedy and Fox News?

One's The Taming of the Shrew, the other is the shaming of the true.

BREAKING NEWS!! Cheese Factory Explosion...

De-Brie is everywhere!

Did you hear.. corduroy pillows are making it all over the news lately?

(Really?)

Yeah. They're making lots of headlines

Good news!

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What's new?" the bartender asks. "Good news, actually! I got home and the wife said that the police had stopped by today and wanted to interview me," the guy replies. "I don't even remember applying for a job there."

Bad news. I got fired from my job at the bank today.

I mean, it was an easy mistake... An elderly woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Sad news…

At the Nestle factory today a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath…

He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The Milky Bars are on me" everyone cheered.

Dr: “I’m afraid I have bad news and worse news”

Dr: “I’m afraid I have bad news and worse news”
Pt: “Give me the worse news first”
Dr: “You have cancer”
Pt: “Oh no! What’s the bad news?”
Dr: “You also have Alzheimer’s”
Pt: “Well, at least I don’t have cancer”

My girlfriend has an onlyfans account and it’s doing really well

I just have to figure out how to break the news to her

The Pope calls a huge meeting of all the Cardinals, Bishops & and Arch-Bishops to Vatican City…

He says to them, “I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I got a call from Jesus, He has returned and is ready to save those worthy of being saved. “

Everybody is thinking, “This is EXCELLENT news! What could possibly be the bad news?!”

He then says, “The bad news is that...

In other news..... Police arrested a musician for stealing

Police apprehended a musician for stealing the right half of the piano.

He was in treble.

Doctor's news

Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.

Patient: I'll take the bad news first.

Doctor: I'm really sorry to have to tell you this but there was an error in your chart and I'm afraid we cut off the wrong leg.

Patient: WHAT THE HECK?!? That's not bad news. That's TERRIBLE news. Wh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Breaking news: An entire shipment of Viagra has been stolen

The police is looking for a gang of hardened criminals

Xi and Biden have a bet

Xi wagers that in 100 years time China would be the dominant superpower, while Biden is confident that the USA will remain uncontested.

So after their terms ended and they reached the end of their mortal coil, they were cryogenically preserved in Switzerland and woken up in 100 years.

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BREAKING NEWS Thieves have allegedly broken into the laboratory at Pfizer to try and steal the new Covid-19 vaccine...

They apparently took a case of viagra instead. The police are looking for a group of hardened criminals.

Good news / Bad news type thing...

Good news: My test came back negative.

Bad news: It was an IQ test.

Any more oxymorons?

* Only choice
* Civil war
* Definite possibility
* Grow smaller
* Random order
* Old news
* True fiction
* Virtual reality
* Working vacation
* Exact estimate
* Original copies
* Pretty ugly
* Fully empty

Bad news

George had responded to a call from his lawyer, insisting that they meet at once. He arrived at his lawyer's firm, and was ushered into his office.

"Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked.

"Well, if those are my choices, I guess I'll take the bad news fi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Breaking News:

In a shock move,The English Cricket Board have announced tennis World No.1 Novak Djokovic as temporary batting coach.

"We acknowledge he doesn't no fuck all about Cricket, but we couldn't overlook the fact it took Australia two weeks to get him out."

Did you know that 20 pirahnas can demolish a small child down to the bone in under 30 seconds?

In other news, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

(My nephew told me this joke yesterday, totally deadpan! Thought it was worth sharing!)

I want to start watching the news

But its so far into the series. I feel like Ill never catch up

A woman got a paternity test done and received the news on Christmas day.

Turns out Philippe is Navi's dad

Breaking news!

The Russian flagship Moskva has been upgraded to a submarine!

very sad news

after caring for my cat for years, i had to put her down

she was getting heavy

My doctor told me some troubling news today.

He said: “Your body has zero magnesium.”

So I replied: “0mg”

Stop spreading the fake news that women are forced to wear hijabs.

It's their free choice between wearing them or getting stoned to death.

News Flash........... News Flash.

Isis suicide bomber kills himself & 78 other family members after deciding to work from home.

Breaking News!

I just dropped a ceramic plate.

News has just come in that The Mars Rover has discovered a member of the feline species while exploring.

Unfortunately, Curiosity killed the cat.

Dear Fox News.....

I have yet to see any news about foxes.

Sincerely, Disappointed viewer.....

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