My girlfriend has an onlyfans account and it’s doing really well

I just have to figure out how to break the news to her

Good News! We’ve discovered the cure for cancer!

Bad news: It’s eugenics.

You might be a lame news network if

you get banned from a courtroom for stalking the jurors.

A lawyer and his friend from the Czech Republic were camping, when they heard a rustling sound.

They looked behind them and saw a huge male grizzly bear jumping out at them from behind a bush. The two friends fled for their lives, and the bear chased them.

The lawyer escaped, but his friend wasn't so lucky. The lawyer watched in horror as his friend was swiped by the bear's mighty paw a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was hunting when a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over & discharged, shooting him in the genitals.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.

"Well, sir, I have some good news & some bad news.

The good news is that you are going to be OK.

The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, & we were able to r...

I just found out I'm colorblind.

The news came out of the purple

The Photographer.

A Los Angeles agent representing a wealthy photographer called and asked to speak to his client.

"Brittany, I have some good news and I have some bad news."


The photographer replied, "You know, I've had an awful day, Jack, so let's hear the good news first."


The ...

Dr: “I’m afraid I have bad news and worse news”

Dr: “I’m afraid I have bad news and worse news”
Pt: “Give me the worse news first”
Dr: “You have cancer”
Pt: “Oh no! What’s the bad news?”
Dr: “You also have Alzheimer’s”
Pt: “Well, at least I don’t have cancer”

My doctor assessed my condition and grimaced. He said, "I give you two weeks max."

"Bad news," I replied, "and my name is Tom."

Putin

It was in the news recently that Putin was visiting a school in Moscow to promote the nations power on the world wide stage.
The children were allowed to ask questions before lunch.

Little Alina speaks up and says to Putin...

“I have two questions”

“Why did Russia take Crim...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Papal Ailment

The Pope had become very ill and was taken to many doctors who were all quite skilled in the latest medical techniques. None of them could figure out how to cure him, or even what ailed him. Finally, a wise old physician was brought in. After an hour, he came out and told the cardinals that the Pope...

Breaking news

Italy is planning to launch 2 new communications satellites in the next year.

They're named Data-1 and Dissa-1.

Hospital patient lying in bed: "Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

Doctor: "Yes, I'm sorry. We had to amputate your arms."



[A brief sketch from an ancient episode of 'Not The Nine O'Clock News']

Asked my eye doctor if he had my test results. He said there’s good news & bad news.

He said, “The good news is we’ve discovered why you’ve been so lethargic & slovenly lately…The bad news is we’ve discovered your lazy eye has spread to the rest of your body.”

They held a beauty pageant for all those Fox News blondes...

And named the winner "Miss Information".

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