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Email Jokes

A zookeeper lost a pair of mongoose to a storm and needed to replace them. He began writing an email to his supplier...

“Dear sir, please send me two mongooses at once.”

That didn’t sound right, so he tried again.

“Dear sir, please send me two mongeese at once.”

That still didn’t sound right, so he gave it one last attempt:

“Dear sir, please send me one mongoose. And while you’re at it...

Best Little Convent in Texas (email forward from 2007)

A man was driving down a deserted stretch of Texas highway when out of the corner of his eye he notices a sign. It reads:


     SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS


     HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION


                   10 MILES


     He thinks it was just a figment of his...

An Arab student emails his dad:

*An Arab student emails his dad:*

Dear Dad,

Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.

Your son, Nasser.

...

Why didn't Leia email Obi-Wan the Death-Star plans?

The Jedi Code forbids attachments.

A young lady from my office just sent me an email

saying "ithinktherearesomeproblemswithmykeyboardcanyoupleasegivemeanalternative"

Oh boy am I excited, but what does "ternative" mean?

If you get an email with the subject "knock knock", dont open it.

It's a Jehovah Witness working from home.

Maybe if we all emailed the Constitution to each other…

…the NSA will finally read it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hillary's emails would make the perfect construction material for building the great Trump Wall...

Since no one can get the fuck over them.

I was reading my emails...

The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said;

"Mr. Morgan I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I'm afraid you're just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you ...

What does Forrest Gump have his email password set as?

1Forrest1

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend just emailed me

"thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative"

Does anyone know what "ternative" mean?

They should build the wall with Hillary's emails

Because nobody can get over them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker...

So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus

All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh...

But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Probably old, but I got it in email and it made me chuckle.

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her
return, her father cursed her heavily. "Where have ye been all this
time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why
didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother
through?""

The gir...

Just got an email from Google detailing how they have devised a way to read maps backwards...

Turns out to be spam

Got an email asking me to invest in Egyptian architecture.

Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

How do people from the South respond to emails?

Reply Y’all!

My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I couldn’t open any of the files.

I always have trouble with emotional attachments.

My friend just emailed me a compressed nsfw video

sigh... *unzips*

I had an email from the state lottery telling me I'm a loser

I didn't even buy a ticket!

What does the Trump administration use instead of emails?

Alternative fax.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bit dated, but it gave me a chuckle nonetheless. (Blatantly stolen from a grandma email.)

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If...

How do you keep your husband from reading your email?

Rename the folder instruction manual.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My granpa shared this joke with me many moons ago in an email chain I just found in my inbox, I thought I’d share it with yous.

A new ArmyCaptain
was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghanistan Desert.

During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel behind the mess tent.

He asks the sergeant why the camel is kept there. The nervous sergeant said, "Well sir, as you
kno...

I asked my magic 8-ball which email client to use. It told me...

Outlook not so good.

I was at a restaurant and a cute waitress was flirting with me. She gave her email and told me to hit her up sometime. I tried to email her the next day but the internet was down.

I couldn’t connect to the server

A zen student asked his master: “Is it okay to use email?”

“Yes”, replied the master, “but with no attachments.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My buddy sent me some pornographic films in an email attachment.

Sigh *unzips*

A man checked his office email on Monday morning. He saw an email from this co-worker that said "Do you have any naked pictures of your wife"? Angry, he replied” I certainly do not!"

A short while later he got a second email "Want to buy some"?

Be careful about emails from weird addresses with long links or strange files attached

They could be from your parents

I got an email today from someone, and in their email signature, they put their pronouns "them/they"

So when I responded, I hit "reply all"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandfather sent me this in an email this morning.

Frank is 85 and lives in a Senior Citizens Home. Every night after dinner he goes to a secluded garden behind the home to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mildred, age 82, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed....

Perfume and cologne can now be transferred via email.

They go into your scent folder.

Johnny’s email

A man walks into his office box on a Monday morning.
He checks his e-mails and sees one from his neighbor’s kid, little Johnny.

It reads, "Do you have any naked photos of your wife?"
Outraged the man replies, "NO I DO NOT!"

Shortly after he receives a second e-mail from Little J...

My girlfriend sent me this email today: "Helpmyspacebarisbrokencanyougivemeanalternative?"

The hell's a ternative?

An Email from God

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of His best angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.

When she returned she told God, yes it is bad on Earth, 95% is bad and 5% is ...

For my cake day, here's the oldest joke in my email, sent to me in 1996.

In honor of my cake day, I'm sharing the oldest joke in my email archive, that was sent to me on September 17, 1996.



Three unrelated men happen to die on the same day and go to heaven. St. Peter meets them at the gates and says "Congratulations! You've all made it to Heaven. Now, de...

Check your emails more often

Turns out my DNA ancestry results came back 100% Nigerian and I’ve been neglecting my royal prince cousin for years

WARNING: There's an email going round...

...offering Processed Pork, Gelatin, and Salt in a Can.

If you get this email, DO NOT OPEN IT.

It's spam!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Email Joke

It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.

Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to me...

Wrong email

A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida o...

The Email

After being nearly snowbound for two weeks last winter, a Seattle man departed for his vacation in Miami Beach, where he was to meet his wife the next day at the conclusion of her business trip to Minneapolis. They were looking forward to pleasant weather and a nice time together.



...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you have an email address?

An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.

The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that...

I should never have given my real email address to Rolex.

Now I'm forever placed on some kind of watch list.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old email-chain joke: The firefighter and the little girl.

Found this one while going through old emails from my mom, circa 2006...



A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The...

My email password has been hacked.

That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.

I asked a monk if they were allowed to send emails

He said yes as long as there are no attachments

How do you send an encrypted email to Marcel Marceau?

Using S/MIME.

This furniture store keeps emailing me...

All I wanted was one night stand!

I just received an email titled $50 TO SEE JUSTIN BIEBER LIVE

I'm really the wrong person to email for these kind of ransoms.

Someone just sent me an email about potted meat.

I didn’t open it, it looked like Spam.

I received an email about an online course on Map Reading & Navigation.

They say it's so good you'll be able to read maps backwards.

But I soon realized it was just spam.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

MEXICAN MAID - Joke taken from a FW email

The [Mexican maid-NSFW](http://imgur.com/a/Y31qa) asked for a pay increase.

The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

She asked, “Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?

”Maria: “Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze. ...

Why didn't the email subject line go to the party?

It had no body to go with.

PSA: IF YOU RECEIVE AN EMAIL SAYING, "You've won two free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert!" DO NOT OPEN IT.

It contains two tickets to a Justin Bieber concert.

“Can you please stop sending me Spam emails?”

“I’m a vegetarian.”

Hacker sent me an email that he has hacked into my computer.

I said "prove it" and he sent me the username and password of my email, bank and social media accounts.

I replied "Thank you, that was the easiest Forgot Password process I have ever come across".

I sent an email to my friend in Mexico...

He never got it, guess I sent it to the wrong Juan.

A mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl as a roommate.

During his meal, his mother couldn't help but notice
how pretty his roommate was. She had long been
suspicious of a relationship between the two and this
had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening while watching the
two interact, she started to wonder if there's mo...

Melinda broke up with Bill through email

The email read as follows:


Bill,



I think it's time for us to see other people and move on from each other.


-M

Sent from my IPhone

Just got a scam email sent to me..

It was titled "Squadron 42 Update"

Why do you have to use email to communicate with a flat earther?

You can't reach them with fax.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

*emailing dick pic

Computer: Insert file

Me: ok *browse the file

Computer: Try again

Me: *did it again

Computer: Try again

Me: *tries again

Computer: Harder!

Me: what?

Computer: what

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I keep getting emails about penis enlargement.

The ones from my wife are starting to get personal, but it's the ones from my mother that really hurt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just got this in an email: The ITALIAN Funeral...

The ITALIAN Funeral...

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.Behind the second hearse was a...

Got an email from boredhousewife423 saying she was looking for some action

I sent her my laundry. That'll give her something to do

When Tom Hanks is finishing an email...

...he doesn't need to write a signature after he gives thanks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got an email at work that really made me feel like I had Impostor Syndrome

But I talked to my therapist and he said I wasn't good enough to have that, so I feel much better now.

\[I'd like to think that is original, but I am sure I am unwittingly riffing on something I heard... more impostor syndrome!\]

Are you allowed to send an email to a friend in prison?

you can do that, but you are not allowed to attach a file.

What does Hillary's emails and a racist post have in common?

[removed]

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's an email going around

offering processed pork, gelatin, and salt in a can. If you get this email, do not open it.

It's spam.



Crap looks like /r/jokes is going to delete my joke

"These are jokes. Some of them are old, and as such reflect the tone of the times. Some of them are new, and just as...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Got an email from my Son's grade school today ...

Seems my little boy got sent to the Principal's office for giving his Teacher the finger.

The school staff still can't figure out who it belongs to and how he got it.

A Nigerian businessman emailed me to invest in his mining business

Edit: thanks for the gold stranger

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's an email going around that claims to include a nude photo of Hillary Clinton

Don't open it. It contains a nude photo of Hillary Clinton.

Why couldn't Anakin Skywalker upload his pics to email them to Padme?

Because attachments are forbidden.

I asked my Spanish colleague if he could include me on an email

He replied, “CC”

Just got the email "Webinar on how to avoid frauds is cancelled"

And the fee is non-refundable.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) Things have been going great since my doctor told me I can masturbate whenever I want.

His email said I could have a stroke at anytime.

What's the most embarrassing part about Hillary Clinton's emails?

The Nigerian Prince actually came through with the money transfer.

Why are prisoners not allowed to have email?

Don't want to risk someone attaching a file.

How do pirates sign off their email?

Regaaaaarrds!

Just had an email from Trip Advisor.

They recommend LSD.

On Soviet Twitter, you cannot sign in with email

You can only use your ussrname

A monk was checking his emails.

A woman saw this and looked at him weirdly,
Soon she approached him and asked
"is it okay for monks to use emails?"
The monk said "Ofcourse its okay for Monks to use Emails,
As long as there are no attachments"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bus stops... [NSFW]

and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-mor...

The testicular cancer society called me and said, “Did you get our email?” I said No.

They said, “Then you better check your junk.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Conference calls are like emails

So just send a FUCKING EMAIL

I made my Google email password as 'Saitama'.

Google said 'Your password is VERY STRONG'.

The fence builder hates getting emails about his materials.

He's tired of seeing Re: Posts

You shouldn’t take a lawyer’s advice over emails

Because that would be...





E-legal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Free Porn.

If you get an email with a link called "free porn"

Don't opin it, It is a virus wich deactivates your spelcheck

and fcuks up you riting, I also receibed it but lukily I dont

vatch porn so I dint opin it, plaese warm yu frends.

Email Blunder

A young married couple just got news that they were able to purchase their dream house in miami. The man tells the wife he'll go down a day early and make sure everything is in order, then she can fly down the following day. Upon arriving and making sure everything is how it should be, he emails his...

I tried to print a Phishing email

Now my printer wont stop jamming.

Who is the patron saint of emails?

St Francis of a CC

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is it called when you email someone a dick pic?

Junk mail

What did one unsent email say to the other?

Does it feel a little drafty in here to you?

A man asks his buddy to check up on his cat

A man asks his buddy to check up on his cat and his mother as he is going on vacation for a month. The trip is goin well when one day he receives an e-mail from his friend that reads: "Your cat was hit by a truck and died".

He immediately calls his friend to ask what exactly had happened and ...

Joke making the email rounds - Relevant to the union discussions

A unionized public employee, a teabagger, and a CEO are sitting at a table. In the middle of the table is a plate with a dozen cookies on it. The CEO reaches across and takes 11 cookies, looks at the teabagger and says, 'Watch out for that union guy. He wants a piece of your cookie."

Source u...

Hillary's emails finally lead to an arrest.

Roger Stone was arrested for his communications with the Trump campaign regarding Wikileaks and Hillary Clinton’s emails.

Never open email or accept friend requests from Hormel Foods...

It could be SPAM.

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