What do you call an Indian food delivery service?

A Curryer

Don’t know what was wrong with the delivery driver this morning.

He was all smiles until I signed his touch screen thing, then he got all shouty and mad.

I was so scared I dropped my sharpie and just closed the door.

My door to door fruit delivery business failed badly because of my poor people skills.

I was driving people bananas.

What does a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist have in common?

Both have to smell it, and neither one can eat it.

My rapper friend has started a really successful gardening tool delivery business.

He’s got hoes in different area codes.

Started a new job as a delivery driver today.

When i got to my first address there was a little sticky note left on the door saying "Dear Delivery Driver, we are out, please hide in garage".

That was eight hours ago and still nobody has found me.

Deep in the back woods of Letcher County Kentucky, a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.

Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, 'Here, you hold this high so I can see what I am doing!'

Soon a baby boy was brought into the world. 'Whoa there', said the doctor, 'Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down, I think there's another...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I've decided to start a pie delivery service from my car.

Apple pie is $3.75 / slice, cherry is $4.25, and banana cream pie is $4.75. Those are the pie rates of the car-I-be-in.

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There, did I manage to ruin both jokes?

Look, anything is funny with the right delivery.

Except abortion jokes, which by definition have no delivery.

What gyneacologists and pizza delivery guys have in common?

Both can sniff it,but cant taste it.

I have a delivery van set as my profile picture on dating websites.

I just want the ladies to know what they’re getting into.

How is an ambulance like pizza delivery?

If they're late it ends up cold.
(Been at least a month since this one made the rounds).

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I never tip the cute pizza delivery drivers and always complain that they're rude, even when they're nice...

That way, I know I'm fucking them.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

To all the wonderful delivery men and woman doing their best to make sure we all get our gifts on time this year,

Get the hell off Reddit and deliver my gifts you lazy cunts. Is this a game to you?

My girlfriend told me she would love me to be a pizza delivery guy

I asked her why and she said she wants a guy that comes in 30 minutes instead of 5.

A sailor has just signed up to join a Transatlantic trade crew for their latest voyage...

The rest of the crew have worked together for years, so he's the only newbie. Initially, it seems to be a pretty ordinary job.

However, after the initial work of loading the ship and leaving the harbor was done, he noticed something weird.

During lunch or dinner, whenever most of the c...

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Gay men would make great Amazon Delivery guys...

They know how to handle large packages & have no problems delivering loads in the rear

A new CEO takes over at a struggling company and decides to get rid of all the slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. He can't believe this guy would just stand around on the job. The new CEO walks up to the guy leaning against the wall and asks, "What are you doing here?" "I'm just waiting to get paid," responds the man. Furious, the CEO asks "H...

A Chinese delivery guy has a regular customer that he thinks is gorgeous.

He sees her at least once a week, and after a long while he finally works up the nerve to ask her out on a date. She agrees, and a week later the two meet up for dinner. Everything goes well and they wind up back at her place. Soon, it starts getting hot and heavy as they kiss and remove their cloth...

How did the lumberjack know his lumber delivery was incomplete?

He kept a log.

I murdered the pizza delivery man for messing up my order and had to cover it up.

I ordered another pizza to calm my nerves and the second delivery man noticed the body, so I had to kill him too. Now I feel even more nervous so I ordered yet another pizza. I think it’s starting to become a domino effect.

On walking into the company, the CEO noticed a young guy leaning Against the wall

On walking into the company, the CEO noticed a young guy leaning Against the wall, doing nothing. He approached the young man and calmly said to him, “How much do you earn?”

The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less, “I earn Rs.25,000...

Someone stole £5000 worth of Red Bull from a local delivery truck.

How do these people sleep at night?

Dad joke while in labor and delivery

Wife is getting induced so we are currently at the hospital and while talking to the nurse she asked how many kids she had. To which she replied 3 as any seasoned Dad would do I decided to introduce a joke that had me cracking up in my head so I turn and look and say 3 kids with a frown that’s an od...

While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn't seem amused...

**It must have been the delivery.**



edit:

* I meant to note that I originally posted this as a comment in another joke, but thought I'd try it as a stand-alone joke

* This is literally a true story. She gave birth to an amazing little girl on Tuesday evening.

They say that jokes are all about the delivery

I think that is codswallop because no one finds FedEx or DHL funny.

If Hooters had a delivery option

Would it be called Knockers?

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Mr. and Mrs White are in the delivery room of the hospital

waiting for the arrival of their newborn son. As the child emerges from the birth canal, a puzzled look comes over the doctor's face, as the child has jet black eyes, a flatter nose, and a few strands of black hair. He notices that Mr. and Mrs. White both have blue eyes and blonde hair. "This chi...

Two men steal food delivery trucks,

Later they get pulled over by the police who recognized the stolen trucks.
They get the first man out and start punishing him by putting the olives that were in the truck inside his ass.
The man starts laughing and can't control himself, so a policeman shouts at him " WHAT'S SO FUNNY ? "
Th...

What do you call a delivery girl who dated an FBI agent?

A Fed Ex

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I asked my son what he wanted to be when he grew up. He told me he either wants to be a pizza delivery guy or a pool cleaner.

Little bastard must have found my porn stash.

I'm new to this Tinder thing, is delivery an option?

Or is it "pick up" and "Eat out" only?

An angry baby was born in the delivery room.

He was fuming, looking around the room and angrily pointed at the first man he saw and asked, "Hey you, are you my father?!" The man responded, "No, I'm your doctor."


The angry baby then pointed at another man and asked, "Hey you, are you my father?!" The man responded, "No, I'm the nurse...

I had a delivery from Hermes today.

He asked if I could give him the time, so I said it was between 8am-1pm

I created my own delivery company!

But now I'm not sure what to do with all the disembodied livers

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Apparently, there's a new sex position called, "delivery man"...

You stay in all day and no-one comes...

What happens when a hospital runs out of labor and delivery nurses?

They have a mid-wife crisis.

A man on the floor in a factory stands, not doing any work.

A man on the floor in a factory stands, not doing any work.

CEO comes up and asks his salary.

The man replies - $1000

The CEO pulls out his wallet, gives the man $1,000 and says - here's your month salary. I pay people to work here. Get out and never come back !

The man l...

Why are teen boys the best delivery guys?

Because they always deliver their load in under 8 seconds.

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Indian man were waiting outside the delivery room.

The matron comes out and explains that the hospital has accidentally mixed up the babies.

The Scot goes straight in and picks up the brown baby.

The Indian says "Are you sure that's your baby?"

The Scot says "No, but there's no way I'm going to risk leaving here with an Englis...

I asked a girl to rate me out of 10 the other day

She said "you're an 8 on a scale of 10"

I still don't understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton

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Nelson Mandela amd the delivery guu

One day Nelson Mandela is at home chilling out max and relaxing all cool when there is a knock at the door. Nelson gets up and answers the door to find a little Japanese guy on his doorstep with a great big car transporter full of brand new cars parked on his drive. As soon as the door opens the Jap...

Stop dreaming about pizza delivery by drone.

It's a pie-in-the-sky idea.

The Doctor comes out of the delivery room into the waiting room, holding the newborn infant girl, and says to the father excitedly,

"Oh my goodness, you won't believe it! Your daughter was born with the most incredible powers! She can fly, watch!"

The Doctor then proceeds to give the baby a little toss into the air, where it comes down with a sickening thud.

"OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING?", the father screams, horr...

You murder one pizza delivery driver, and then you have to murder another pizza delivery driver.

That's the domino effect

Grocery store meat departments are starting drone delivery but customers think it's risky.

Its a high-steaks situation

A man was arrested after running a red light and hitting a Chinese food delivery car.

He is charged with careless driving and wonton destruction.

After many years of studying at a university, I’ve finally become a PhD…

or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as people call it.

A delivery driver asked me what time it was…

I said, “Somewhere between 8am and 5:30pm”.

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New CEO

The board of directors at one company decided to hire new executive staff in order to increase the company's profits. The new CEO was a very tough guy who made it his mission to rid the company of slackers. One time he notices a guy in the hallway leaning against the wall picking his nose. As there ...

I told my husband there are 100 days until our baby's delivery

He said "That's a really long time. You should really use Prime next time".

The Pizza Delivery Guy

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr.Smith. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Mr. Smith asked: "What is the usual tip?"

"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing ...

Did you hear about the Pepsi delivery drivers who were fired?

They tested positive for coke.

Jim had been out for a few days with the flu. Back at work,...

...he ran into a friend of his, who asked him, "Jim, how are you feeling?"

"I'm better, thanks. You know, it was a wonderful experience," Jim replied.

"Wonderful? How can the flu be wonderful?"

"Well, I learned that my wife really loves me. You know, whenever the mailman came by...

A man rushes his pregnant wife into the delivery room

As the doctors are getting her ready to give birth, one of them informs the man that a machine that transfers some of the pain of birth from the mother to the father had been developed. They ask the man if he would want to take on some of the pain to make his wife's burden easier.

The man agr...

I ran two of my friends over with my delivery truck.

Now they're my flatmates.

I'm going on a date with a delivery man.

He said he'll arrive between 3pm and 7.30pm.

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Baby Delivery

A lady was in the delivery room starting to deliver her baby. As the head came out it was dark and had an afro. The doctor said, "Madam, have you ever slept with a black man?"

"Well, yes, but only once."
"Once is all it takes" he replied.


Then the torso came out and it was ye...

Did you hear the Germans now have breakfast delivery drones?

They call them the LuftWaffles

Why did the apple salesman fire his delivery boy?

He was driving him bananas.