The 105+ Best File Jokes

Could you imagine if trump actually moved the files from govt servers to a private server?

That would be Hillaryous.

Edit: My first reddit silver! Thank you kindly!

Edit2: reddit gold?! You all are too good to me!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just downloaded porn but the file is compressed

sigh.... *unzips*

A man filed a report to the police that his bag was stolen.

Upon leaving the man's apartment, the officer found the man's bag at the bottom of the stairwell.

It was a brief case.

Why did the musician's wife file for a divorce?

She was sick of the domestic violins.

I like my girls like my file system...

FAT and 16.

My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I couldn’t open any of the files.

I always have trouble with emotional attachments.

During his presidency, there were some files that even Obama couldn’t touch.

The \*For Biden\* files.

What is a pdf file

And why is my uncle under arrest for being one

Why did the coffee file a police report?

Because it got mugged!

Why do computers hate going to their file storage?

Because it's a hard drive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mickey Mouse was in divorce court and the judge was looking over his file. Judge: So, Mickey it says here you want to divorce your wife because she’s been acting crazy?

Mickey: No, haha I said she’s fucking Goofy

I used to sell office supplies to the mafia, file cabinets and label makers and such

I was involved in very organized crime

What is a microwave's beep sound file called?

Micro.wav

The Twitter Files...

... are now the X-Files

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boobs are like JPEG files

Enlarging loses some quality.

A hillbilly walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for divorce...

Attorney: "May I help you?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces".

Attorney: "Well do you have any grounds?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I got about a hundred acres."

Attorney: "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"

Hillbilly: "No, I don't have a Cas...

A wife files an accidental death claim for her husband. It gets denied. She calls the insurance company demanding to know why the policy wasn't honored. The agent reviewed the notes and informed her the policy wasn't covered because he'd died from a heart attack, to which she replied:

"My husband didn't have a heart attack on purpose!"

if you added the letters S and E to the X files

it would be the X-ES Files. haha excess files. way too many files lol

Be careful about emails from weird addresses with long links or strange files attached

They could be from your parents

What's a pirate's favourite file type?

.rar

I suggested an awesome product name and slogan for marketers of a data file decompression utility, but they wouldn't take me up on it.

The company's stupid focus groups thought it was inappropriate.

I mean, come on, what's wrong with:

"SIGH unzips"?

I heard Microsoft tried to change the file path separator in Windows

but it received tons of backslash from the community.

--
Source: Aaron Peterson, Twitter.

My wife filed for divorce because I am a weather reporter.

That was not what I predicted

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old save file on my N64 says a lot about my self confidence back then

Named myself "DumbButt"

I'm happy to report that I am now a happy adult, replaying my favourite game as SmartAss

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An upset man has filed a lawsuit against Nirvana over the band's iconic 1991 album cover.

Sounds like a baby just trying to grab some money.

FYI: The .gif file format is pronounced "jiff"

I know because I joogled it.

What does a Jedi use to open files?

Adobe-wan Kenobi

When I met a girl I liked, I used to put all my favorite things about her surrounded by curly braces inside a Javascript file.

I feel bad about it in hindsight. Now I know it's wrong to objectify women.

Why did Thor file a police report?

Because someone stole his thunder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Vodka Christmas Cake recipe so here goes. Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get tired of typing this up every year!

*(Made mine this morning!!)*

1 cup sugar,
1 tsp. baking powder,
1 cup water,
1 tsp. salt ,
1 cup brown sugar,
Lemon juice,
4 large eggs,
Nuts,
1 bottle Vodka,
2 cups dried fruit.

Sample a cup of Vodka to check qual...

what do you call a really small computer file full of pastry recipes?

Little bytes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mickey Mouse finds out his wife is cheating, and files for divorce.

He comes home from work one day and says: "Honey, I'm hooooome!"
Thereafter no response. That's weird. He thinks to himself.
He goes about his business, and begins putting his things away when he hears a sound. It's his bead creaking coming from upstairs in his bedroom.
Someone is in my ro...

My friend wouldn’t stop talking about file compression

So I told him to “*zip it*”

A chess grandmaster blundered his rook by moving it from the E file to the F file instead of the G file

What a rook-e mistake!!!

My wife said if I don't lose weight then she'll file for a divorce.

Who wants to come over for a pizza tonight?

Why did the burglar file for unemployment?

Everyone was home last year.

Why did the NRA file for bankruptcy?

Because classes are being taught virtually

My dad’s palaeontology files are filling up the family computer

They’re hundreds of trilobites

How do Frenchmen share files?

Pierre to Pierre.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions."

He gets her name, address etc. And then asks, "What's your occupation?"

"I'm a prostitute," she says.

The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "Let's try to re-phrase that."

The woman sa...

The co-founder of Adobe who developed the PDF file format has died.

The funeral viewing will be a closed casket since it's too much trouble trying to open it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was young my mom grounded me for having a file on pc with the name "boobies pics"

I never understood why bird watching was wrong

Got arrested today and the cops said they needed to take my fingerprints and put them on file. But when we got to the station, the sergeant said they'd run out of fingerprint ink.

So they just asked for 6 digit passcode instead.

I think they're trying to PIN something on me.

Why can't jokes be saved in a .csv file?

Because they are comma delimited.

(Comedy limited)

Found a weird .exe file on your computer? Beware!

Could be a set up.

[NSFW] Why did the gardeners wife file for a divorce?

Because he didn't want to de-flower her

Back in the DOS days, I wrote a single file program that was a hit.

baseball.bat

Italy's national airline, Alitalia, filed for bankruptcy last week.

I've heard a rumor General Electric's aircraft division might be bidding to acquire it.

Supposedly, the new company would be called Gen-Italia.

A stationery store was broken into. Box files, wall calendars and appointment diaries were stolen.

Police suspect highly organised crime.

If R. Kelly was a computer file...

He'd be a .pdf file

Baby, I hope you are an ISO file

cuz I wanna mount you.

A friend just got an intellectual property lawsuit filed against him.

He told a «your mother» joke to someone, and the target of it claimed he’d come up with that joke first, and demanded compensation.

I have no idea which way it’ll swing, but I’m gonna bring popcorn to the trial where a judge decided whether someone’s mother is fair use or public domain…

Wrote a free file compression program.

I made zip.

What did Giuliani say when asked if he was going to file more lawsuits?

Darn tootin'

You can actually file a lawsuit against the federal government in the United States. It's a myth that you can't. All you have to do is simply take some specific medication.

And that medication, my friends, is Sudafed®

A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and ...

Got asked to help unlock a PDF file today...

I said no way, we should be concentrating on locking them up!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Files in a pint

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman wander into a little old pub in Kildare. They each ask the barman for a pint of Guinness. After the pints are placed onto the bar, three bluebottles drop into each man’s freshly poured pint.

The Englishman pushes his pint away in disgust and orders up...

What do a fish and a file have in common?

You shouldn't pet a fish.

A man is at a police station to file a case.

The cop asked, "¿Mataste al persona?"

To the man replied, "I don't speak Spanish, can you repeat it in English please?"

Cop: "¿Estabas allí cuando ocurrió el asesinato?"

Man: "I don't speak Spanish Sir, I can't understand what you're saying at all."

Cop: "¿Conocías al víc...

Hackers took over our system and won't give us back access to our files until we tell them how good looking they are.

It's a handsomeware attack.

Only 10% of Americans file their taxes correctly.

It's hard to believe that 95% of us can't do simple math.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited.

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited.

Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship.

Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly. "My sales approach was to appeal to the custom...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband who filed against his wife appear in court to explain their reasons for seeking a divorce.

The judge is incredulous at the husband's grounds stating "She's a poor housekeeper", so he asks the husband to provide him more details.

"Well Judge. Every time I go to the kitchen to take a piss in the sink, it's always full of dirty dishes!"

I opened my GIF file and there was something wrong with it. The computer screen became blank and the GIF came to life. The man from the GIF rushed toward me , said something and sprinted out of my room

He said "I'll be back in a GIPHY"

How does Lady Gaga unzip files on windows?

RAR, RAR-ah-ah-ah.

Where do you file uncategorized rocket items?

Under missile-enious.

If you search "pig" on Google Images, every image has the same file type.

They're all .jpigs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A school bus full of Catholic girls drives off a cliff and they all die.

A bus filled with 18 year old sheltered Catholic school girls drove off a cliff and they all died. So they all form a single file line in front of the gates of heaven and saint Peter says to the first girl "have you ever touched a man's penis?" And the girl says "yes but just with the tip of my fing...

If Rolex had an app on PC what would be Its file name?

Rol.exe

Sorry for the trash pun, thought about it while walking in front of rolex

Sitting down at my work desk, all my files are gone...

... and I'm asking myself : Who let the .docx out?

Miss piggy has filed for divorce from Kermit the frog...

...cause Kermit converted to Judaism and can no longer eat pork.

Brooks Brothers just filed for bankruptcy

so now I might never be able to use this $50 gift card on one sock.

Time files when you're having fun

Meanwhile one frog to another, "Times fun when you're having flies"

How to hide your important files from people without making Hidden folders

1. Go to your Desktop and make a new folder named Internet Explorer
2. Change the folder's icon to Internet Explorer
3. Keep it in your favorite corner of the desktop

Now, no one will open internet explorer!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you send your nudes in a compressed file...

...they have to unzip to see you naked.

Do you file your nails?

I throw mine away.

How did the MP3 file say goodbye to the WAV file?

Audios.

Getting a file out of the archives

Coworker: "Hey, can you get this file out of the archive for me?"

Me: "This is the fifth time this week you've asked for a file from the archive."

Coworker: "I know. I'm sorry. But please, I really need that file."

Me: sigh \*unzips\*

Every time someone is arrested for a crime in Florida, they have to write a long text file describing their motivations for the crime and how it was carried out, so the police can add it to their registry.

Which is why all the stuff that happens in Florida seems so weird without the con-text.

3 moles are digging underground in a single-file line.

The first mole stops digging and says, “I smell syrup!”

The second mole lifts up its head and says, “I smell honey!”

The mole in the back yells, “I smell mole-asses!”

How do you call the actor in the male leading role from the X-files if he commits a murder?

a Mulderer .

What do I do with this large file I want to send to you?

Zip it!

No, really... Zip it!

What message does a Quantum-Computer return when you're viewing a file?

"Do you want to save those changes?"

What's a furry's favorite file storage format?

.rawr

My friends secretly downloaded a 700MB exe file into my laptop.

I think it's a huge setup.

Why aren't MS Word files allowed here?

Rule 4: No docx-ing

Dinosaur file transfer

How does a dinosaur send files from one computer to another?

First, he puts them in a .RAR

The Devil sat at the gates of hell... (Story Joke)

An old man suddenly arrived in a burst of flames, looking confused and lost. The Devil looked at his paperwork, and frowned. He was unable to find this old man’s data file.

“This can’t be right,” the old man grumbled, looking at the Devil, “I’ve been a good man my whole life.”

The Dev...

I got sent a 50gb .zip file from my friend. I don't know what's it's for but

sigh *unzips*

Gillian Anderson of the x files just lost custody of her 12 year old boy following a long legal battle.

She is now Gillian Withouterson.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A large group of first year medical school students filed into a lab...

...during their first week, for the first meeting of their gross anatomy class where they would be examining human cadavers. The professor walked to the front of the room, and addressed the students:

"The most important quality you will need as a physician is unfazability. Nothing can '...

Why do police have file cabinets?

For organized crime.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I found an archived file of pornographic images today.

*unzips*

I need to file a complaint about a hostile work environment

The elevator keeps telling me I’m going down.

I never use TurboTax to file my taxes.

I'm just not Intuit.

Man, it's gonna take FOREVER to decompress this file

Sigh. *unzips*

How to audio files say hi to one another?

They just .wav

If I kept a record of how many steps I walk every day in a file...

Would it be called a Pedofile?

I created an MS word file and named it "ME"

Now, I hope God will save ME.

I just found out about these things called "mods" that can alter game files.

They're absolutely game changing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Italian funeral

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man wal...

Why did the farmer’s wife file for divorce?

She came home to see him plowing with a hoe.

What do you call it when two Frenchmen share files?

Pierre-to-Pierre transfer.

Bosnian X-Files

In Sarajevo hospital, at intensive care unit, a patient would die every single Friday at exactly 11 PM, in the very same bed, no matter what their medical condition may have been.

Doctors became extremely worried because they couldn't determine causes of their deaths.

Time passed on a...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.