Could you imagine if trump actually moved the files from govt servers to a private server?

That would be Hillaryous.

Edit: My first reddit silver! Thank you kindly!

Edit2: reddit gold?! You all are too good to me!

Filed an official complaint to McAfee today...

Their Antiviral package doesn't include Coronavirus. I want a refund.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Vodka Christmas Cake recipe so here goes. Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get tired of typing this up every year!

*(Made mine this morning!!)*

1 cup sugar,
1 tsp. baking powder,
1 cup water,
1 tsp. salt ,
1 cup brown sugar,
Lemon juice,
4 large eggs,
Nuts,
1 bottle Vodka,
2 cups dried fruit.

Sample a cup of Vodka to check qual...

I file a lawsuit against the airport because I lost my bag in there.

Let’s just say that I lost the case.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A large group of first year medical school students filed into a lab...

...during their first week, for the first meeting of their gross anatomy class where they would be examining human cadavers. The professor walked to the front of the room, and addressed the students:


"The most important quality you will need as a physician is unfazability. Nothing can '...

During his presidency, there were some files that even Obama couldn’t touch.

The \*For Biden\* files.

My wife emailed me a photo of our first date together. But I could not open the file ..

I have trouble with emotional attachments

The French have come up with a more efficient way of sharing files electronically.

It’s a Pierre-to-Pierre network.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The worst joke I can remember [nsfw] Warning: this joke is long and terrible

A woman was driving through a remote section of desert at night, thoroughly lost. Suddenly, a coyote ran into the road ahead of her! Slamming on the brakes, the woman was astounded to see a man come running from out of the darkness toward the coyote. In one smooth motion, the strange man took his...

Where do you file uncategorized rocket items?

Under missile-enious.

A man filed a report to the police that his bag was stolen.

Upon leaving the man's apartment, the officer found the man's bag at the bottom of the stairwell.

It was a brief case.

What do you call a computer technician who is a creep?

A PDF file

I opened my GIF file and there was something wrong with it. The computer screen became blank and the GIF came to life. The man from the GIF rushed toward me , said something and sprinted out of my room

He said "I'll be back in a GIPHY"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where does a dyslexic porn addict keep his files?

On his hard diks.

Why did the coffee file a police report?

He got mugged!!

The other day I downloaded the maps of Wales, England, Scotland and Northern Ireland for an assignment...

was shocked to see that the total file size was 1GB.

Getting a file out of the archives

Coworker: "Hey, can you get this file out of the archive for me?"

Me: "This is the fifth time this week you've asked for a file from the archive."

Coworker: "I know. I'm sorry. But please, I really need that file."

Me: sigh \*unzips\*

My parents are both mimes, but they’ve recently filed for divorce.

They just don’t communicate.

A hillbilly walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for divorce.

Attorney: "May I help you?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces".

Attorney: "Well do you have any grounds?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I got about a hundred acres."

Attorney: "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"

Hillbilly: "No, I don't have a Cas...

What's T-rex's favorite file extension?

.rar

Be wary of a Florida senior with a gun.

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.

She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!”. Th...

This compressed file contains a dirty joke.

Sigh *unzips*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New HR policy

Dear Employee:

As a result of the reduced budget, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.


Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase...

If Rolex had an app on PC what would be Its file name?

Rol.exe



Sorry for the trash pun, thought about it while walking in front of rolex

My operating system just deleted half my files.

I knew I should’ve never installed ThanOS.

Knock Knock:

Priest: Knock Knock

Choir Boy: Who's there?

Priest: Pedal

Choir Boy: Pedal who?

Priest: Pedal-file

Choir Boy: I don't get it?

Priest: You soon will

Only 10% of Americans file their taxes correctly.

It's hard to believe that 95% of us can't do simple math.

Why does the Vatican Buy Encryption Software?

To hide all their .pdf files

If you search "pig" on Google Images, every image has the same file type.

They're all .jpigs.

How did the MP3 file say goodbye to the WAV file?

Audios.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day Bill was out raking leaves when he saw a hearse drive by...

followed by a second hearse, followed by man solemnly walking a dog, and then a line of two hundred men walking in single file.

Intrigued, Bill questioned the man following the second hearse, “Who is that in the first hearse?”

The man replied, “My wife.”

Bill said, “I’m sorry. W...

How do clowns store files?

They store them on a flash drive with 32 gigglebytes of space.

I've been in jail 3 times and filed for bankruptcy

I hate playing Monopoly

If you send your nudes in a compressed file...

...they have to unzip to see you naked.

3 blonde friends were were training to become detectives

3 blonde friends were were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, the head cop shows the first blonde a mugshot for 5 seconds and hides it.

Cop: This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
Blonde 1: That's easy, he only has one eye.
Cop: Wel...

The IRS has made a major announcement.

All Marijuana Dealers must file a joint tax return.

Where did Epstein keep his friends’ contact info?

PDF files

There are three friends named Mad, Brain, and Fight...

One day Fight went missing and his friends Mad and Brain started searching for him.


Then Brain said, "Mad, let's file a missing person report with the police."


When they were about to walk into the police station, Brain said, "Mad, you go and make the report. I will wait for yo...

Husband files for divorce. In the court, judge asks why, he says - she doesn't satisfy me.

The wife replies - the entire neighborhood is satisfied, he is the only one always complaining.

Back in the DOS days, I wrote a single file program that was a hit.

baseball.bat

3 moles are digging underground in a single-file line.

The first mole stops digging and says, “I smell syrup!”

The second mole lifts up its head and says, “I smell honey!”

The mole in the back yells, “I smell mole-asses!”

Do you file your nails?

I throw mine away.

As a new years resolution, my wife suggested I should remove excess fat...

So I filed for divorce!

Found a weird .exe file on your computer? Beware!

Could be a set up.

What genre would Trump's autobiography be filed under?

Fan fiction.

My friends secretly downloaded a 700MB exe file into my laptop.

I think it's a huge setup.

The police recently arrested a man selling "secret formula" tablets he claimed gave eternal youth.

When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud.

He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983....

A man went to jury duty. During a break in deliberations he and a female juror he had been flirting with snuck into the coat closet and she started giving him head. Someone knocked on the door, startling him, and he knocked himself out cold on the closet shelf.

When the jury filed back into the courtroom, the judge noticed one was missing. “What happened to my 12th juror?”
The jury foreman replied, “Head in-jury your honor, but I hear he just came to.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

*emailing dick pic

Computer: Insert file

Me: ok *browse the file

Computer: Try again

Me: *did it again

Computer: Try again

Me: *tries again

Computer: Harder!

Me: what?

Computer: what

A young man and a young woman met at a party, fell in love and moved in together.

Soon, some say too soon after that, they got married. As the newlyweds didn’t have a car, the mother of the bride decided to gift them the family heirloom, a 1965 Mustang GT350 that the brides grandfather had been racing back in the day.

For a while all was well and the bride and the groom sp...

What message does a Quantum-Computer return when you're viewing a file?

"Do you want to save those changes?"

Dinosaur file transfer

How does a dinosaur send files from one computer to another?

First, he puts them in a .RAR

Christers

Three buildings in town were overrun by squirrels—the town hall, the hardware store, and the church. The town hall brought in some cats. But after they tore up all the files, the mayor got rid of the predators, and soon the squirrels were back.
The hardware store humanely trapped the squirrels an...

Where was the evidence found that led to the arrest Jeffrey Epstein?

In a PDF file

If you add S to EX files...

You get EX-S files. Get it? Excess files haha

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die.

They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them "Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. Please form a single-file line." And they do so. St. Peter turns to t...

Last week I went to the AT&T headquarters in Dallas to file a formal complaint about their poor wireless coverage

When I walked into the lobby no one was there. There was a front desk with a few phones and computers. Taped to the back of one of the monitors was a note:

"Currently no receptionist in this area"

Why did the document go to jail?

It was a .pdf file.

What program do Jedi masters use to open pdf files?

Adobe Wan Kenobi

How to audio files say hi to one another?

They just .wav

if you added the letters S and E to the X files

it would be the X-ES Files. haha excess files. way too many files lol

I never use TurboTax to file my taxes.

I'm just not Intuit.

I got sent a 50gb .zip file from my friend. I don't know what's it's for but

sigh *unzips*

A man walks into his new job.

He notices a two drawer filing cabinet that is unmarked sitting by his desk, he turns to his coworker and asks.

"Whats in the filing cabinet, I never need actual files."

"The top drawer is not for your eyes, its top secret."

The man asks "Can you at least tell me what is in the ...

I like my girls like my file system...

FAT and 16.

What do you call it when two Frenchmen share files?

Pierre-to-Pierre transfer.

If everyone on Earth stood in a single file line around the equator

most of them would drown.

Khrushchev was giving a speech when a heckler in the audience shouted "Why did you never speak out against Stalin?"

Straight away Khrushchev bellowed "WHO SAID THAT?" and there was a rattle of safeties being taken off by his bodyguards. Nobody spoke. Khrushchev bellowed even louder "**WHO. SAID. THAT?!**". He gave a signal, one gesture of his hand. More armed men filed into the hall and stared intently down e...

What's a furry's favorite file storage format?

.rawr

JESUS WAS BORED so he went to God, his father and asked him, "Dad, give me something to do, I am bored! "

"Take a file and smooth the top of the Himalayas," said God.
After 7,000 years Jesus came back again. "And now what can I do?" he asked God again.
God gave him a spoon and told him to empty the Indian Ocean.
After 7,000 years, he was back again. "It's done... and now?" he asked God. ...

What does David Bowie call his OpenDocument files?

space.odt

The attorney filed a motion for a new trial. The judge barked angrily "On what grounds!?"

"Your honor," the lawyer explained, "my client has discovered some money that I didn't know he had."

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer.

They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.

Finally God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. Th...

I need to file a complaint about a hostile work environment

The elevator keeps telling me I’m going down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mickey Mouse files for a divorce.

A few days later he gets a call from his lawyer, who says

“Mickey, I’m sorry, but you can’t divorce Minnie just because you think she’s crazy.”

Mickey replies

“I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she was fucking Goofy.”

Why do police have file cabinets?

For organized crime.

Man, it's gonna take FOREVER to decompress this file

Sigh. *unzips*

My boss told me to file 100 pages of paper.

And i accidently did 150 pages.


What can i say... I am an overarchiver.

How to hide your important files from people without making Hidden folders

1. Go to your Desktop and make a new folder named Internet Explorer
2. Change the folder's icon to Internet Explorer
3. Keep it in your favorite corner of the desktop

Now, no one will open internet explorer!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fuck all of my word files disappeared...

who let the .docx out?

Why did the Amish woman file for divorce?

Her husband was driving her buggy

Why Jesus never loses his files?

Because Jesus saves...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I found an archived file of pornographic images today.

*unzips*

One dark night in Dublin, a fire started inside the local chemical plant . . .

In a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the...

There are only two types of files. SWF and NSWF

Shockwave files and non-shockwave files

Sitting down at my work desk, all my files are gone...

... and I'm asking myself : Who let the .docx out?

A conductor harassed a woman on his bus

Charges were filed and the judge sentenced him to death by electric chair.


But it had no effect because he was a bad conductor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy sees a huge funeral procession in the center of town...

He sees a huge police escort, followed by 2 hearses, a man walking a German Shepherd and 100 people waking single file behind this parade...

The procession stops for a minute and he goes up to the man and asks? What the hell is going on???

The man quietly answers...

My wife is ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind
the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking
a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men
walking in single file.

The Jewish man couldn't stand the curio...

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