Top Reddit posters should use their karma to help the environment.

They are already experts at recycling.

I was gonna break up with an ex-girlfriend because she had a Linkin Park poster on her wall

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter

At a police-station there is a poster saying wanted

A blonde walks by, sees it, walks into the police station, and asks: is that job still available?

Dear posters of r/Jokes, could you try to be a bit more original?

My friends are really tired of hearing the same jokes over and over again.

A strict submarine captain is reassigned to a new submarine...

... after a few days of laying down new rules, enforcing them strictly, and allowing the crewmen nary a minute off, he saw derogatory posters about him taped around the craft.

Calling for his first officer, he said:
"First Officer, I demand that the submarine be scoured, and every one of t...

I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’

You've probably seen our posters.

So this guy wants to ask this girl to the dance...

So he makes a poster and everything and asks her. She says yes. Later on, the guy goes over to the girls house to pick her up and the two drive to the dance together. They have fun laughing and joking and dancing and the guy asks if she can get her something to drink. She says yes and he goes to get...

What do you call a fake poster?

An imposter.

My favourite joke: Now Hiring

A dog sees a "Now hiring" poster outside of a computer store. The poster reads:

"Must be able to type. Must be able to program. And must be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer."

​

The dog takes the poster in his mouth, and walks in. The manager spots the d...

How do you put a poster up?

You ADhere it

(I thought of this myself but I wouldn't be surprised if it has been posted before)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I didn't make this 4 years ago. This might not be the worst joke. I'm posting again for the ones who read the original by the original poster...this is my version to pay homage

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-known porn star, and the other is a lazy ass. Lazy ass doesn't have a job and just likes to sit around the house. One Sunday, the porn star is angry and thirsty. He decides to make the brother do something useful....

I saw a poster that said, 'Have you seen my cat?

I rang the number and told them I haven’t.

I like to help where I can.

A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner.

“Ringling Brothers is coming to town this week,” she said. “The poster says they have a dancing bear. I always wanted to see one of those.”

“Maybe next year,” says the man. “Work’s really busy this week.”

The next night at dinner, the man can barely sit down before his wife starts talk...

Why was the poster so upset?

Apparently his back was against the wall and he felt like he was under... a-tack...

Boss hangs a poster in office

Boss hangs a poster in office
‘I am the boss, dont forget’

He returns from lunch,
finds a slip on his desk,
‘ur wife called, she wants her poster back home..!!’

How many /r/twoxchromosomes posters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Ten. 1 to screw in the lightbulb, and the other 9 to provide emotional support.

OK It's that time again: Horribly offensive jokes. Post them here. I'll start. DISCLAIMER: Don't read this thread if you're easily offended. (the opinions of the posters may not reflect the opinion of the submitter)

TLC is going to premiere a new reality show to air after Kate Plus 8.

Its called Casey Minus One.

Selling Coke.

The disappointed salesman of Coke returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. B...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First Time Poster, Go easy on me ... "Hamster"

So.. A guy walks into bar and takes a seat ....

The Barman approaches and says what are you having boss?

The Man replies .. I don't have any money pal ...

Barman says if you don't have any money you can stay here ...

The guy says ...what if i told you i have a hamster th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Police officers stops car towing, no idea for better title

first time poster, not sure if its re-post sorry if it is, translated as im not from english speaking countrie

Driver of old Yugo (old shitty car) had stopped on highway because of engine problem and started to stop cars for towing to nearest exit, there happened to Ferrari driver to stop and...

What's the difference between the jokes from today and next week's jokes?

The posters.

There was once a little boy

For his 2nd birthday he was given a little tractor with pedals. He loved it so much that it started an obsession with tractors.

By his fourth birthday, he already had 30 tractors of different sizes and colours.

As soon as he learnt how to read, he started filling his shelves in his bed...

I really love Bruce Willis. I have all of his movies, hundreds of posters, and multiple autographs

You might say that I'm a die-hard fan

Question- what's the worst possible poster you can hang in an STD testing clinic?

[answer](http://image.shutterstock.com/display_pic_with_logo/947257/308963732/stock-vector-creative-vector-inspirational-poster-with-motivational-quote-think-positive-motivational-design-308963732.jpg)

I started up a poster design company called "Original Poster"

We don't deliver.

Erwin the Bounty Hunter

Erwin the bounty hunter rides into town with a box strapped to his horse behind him. He rides up to the mayor, holds up the "Wanted" poster, and says, "I've got Bart the Bandit here just as you requested: 'Dead and alive'."

The mayor replies, "The poster says 'Dead OR alive', not 'Dead AND al...

Jimbo and Jon, two cowboys see a wanted poster for Indian scalps...

The poster says there will be a fifty dollar reward for each scalp brought back. So Jimbo and Jon decide to try and make some money.

They get supplies together and head straight into Apache territory hoping to find a couple unsuspecting Indians. The first day they manage to sneak up on one an...

Alan Loved his tractors

Alan has been a fan of tractors since he was a young boy. He grew up on a farm and was obsessed with the giant machines. He ate, slept and drank tractors, his room was covered with posters of them, bed sheets, t-shirts, the whole works.

He met a girl, fell in love and eventually got married....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a poster of a sexy pepper?

A jalapinup

A poster at the door of a church said, "If you are tired of your sins, come in."

Someone used lipstick to write her number beneath it and added "Call me, if not."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking down the street when he sees an advertisement for his favorite boxer, Mike Tyson.

He stops and reads the text on the poster.

*Come meet Mike Tyson! First 20 people can get punched by the man himself!*

Knowing that he didn’t want to pass up this opportunity, he shows up to the ring, 45 minutes early.
The building was already packed full of fans waiting to see Tyso...

school hallways

so I overheard this during school today

friend 1: hey I saw a poster for schrödinger's cat the other day

friend 2: neat

friend 1: it was wanted dead and alive

There was once a boy who loved tractors

He adored them. He had a tractor bed, tractor posters on his wall, tractor toys and pop up books filled with tractors.

As he grew he always knew that working with tractors is what he wanted to do. And so with his love for tractors he aged, before finally getting his dream job, driving a tract...

I thought I saw someone I knew putting up Rick Santorum posters

but I couldn't get a propaganda at him.

Another movie reboot

Pam and Doug were walking past a movie theatre when Doug pointed and said “hey look they’re remaking that old PG-13 classic, but it looks like this time they’re giving it an R!”

Pam looked over and, sure enough, there was a big poster for Planet Of The Rapes

A politician was running for mayor of his small town...

The competition is tough. He is worried he will lose. This was his dream job, he wasn't going to give in. He had one trick up his sleeve.
He printed a few hundred posters of various sizes. He decided he would save money by hanging them himself. He walked around the town and hung posters up. It di...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Friends were out drinking in a bar for their weekly drinking session.

Their names are Brad and Josh. They have been drinking at the same bar on the same day of the week every single week for 4 years now and the bartenders usually just close the bar and leave the doors unlocked for them to leave when they want to.

Brad lives in a bungalow just across the street ...

The man and the missing girl

A man got up one day and did his usual, went out in the morning to the shop for a few essentials. As he shopped he saw a poster about a missing girl...

“Young girl, teens, with blue eyes and blonde hair. Always smiling” it read.

He continued with his day, and the next, and the next....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A college advertising lecture is taking place. The speaker is presenting his anti-drug PSA.

He says:

- I am the author of a simple, yet effective campaign against drug use.

He shows the poster he designed. It shows two circles, one big and the other small. The big one is titled "This Is Your Brain", the small one is titled "This Is Your Brain on Drugs". The speaker says:
<...

How many people does it take to change a lightbulb in a Facebook group?

* 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
* 15 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
* 8 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
* 18 purists who use candles and are...

Barry worked on a farm

He was absolutely obsessed with farm machinery, particularly tractors. He loved working on them, driving them, ploughing with them, and at the end of the day cleaning them.

His room was filled with tractor posters, he often completed puzzles of tractors, built and painted small model tractors...

A 2nd painter was hired to help paint a room...

The new painter walks up to the Old painter who is sitting at the front of the house with his hands covering his face.

New painter asks "What's wrong."

Old painter says with an exhausted voice "The client can't make up his mind on what color he wants the room to be. One day he wants bl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This kid loves tractors and it’s his favourite thing in the world.

He has everything relating to tractors, bed sheets, toys and posters, the lot. He would always talk about them every moment he possibly could.

Anyways his dad for his 8th birthday he takes his son to the farmers market. The kid was in his element, he sees every possible tractor he could imag...

How to communicate with God

A poster is found in all French churches. The translation is:

"By entering this church it may be possible that you hear "the call of God". However, it is less probable that He will call you on your mobile. Thank you for turning off your phones. If you want to talk to God, enter, choose a qui...

"Bot Rule" has extended past reddit, and taken over the muggle and wizarding worlds

Giant posters all over the country let everyone know that the population is now under *Bot Rule*.

Any opposition to *Bot Rule* is met with swift punishment

Sickened, Harry Potter waves his wand at the nearest poster, rearranging the letters of the twisted sign.

"This spell's tro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The horse and the donkey

WARNING: If you are not from Europe you might not get this. Feel free to go on.

&#x200B;

&#x200B;

So the donkey meets his old pal the horse after many many years.

H-"Hey mate, how's life?"

D-"Can't complain, all is good, what about you?"

H-"I am fine...

Drawing pictures on a date

The owner of a large furniture store in the midwest arrived in France on a buying trip. As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance with a beautiful young lady. However, she only spoke French and he only spoke English, so each couldn't understand a word the other spoke.

He to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there's a guy born without a body...

He was born as a head, nothing else. The doctors said he would never live, but somehow, he did. He had a rough childhood, but he learned to get around, rolling where he needed to, putting up with the teasing and looks. He just tried to fit in as best he could.

By the time he's in high schoo...

As a young boy, Joe was completely obsessed with tractors.

He had pictures of tractors all over his bedroom walls; he had tractor toys, tractor T-shirts, a tractor carpet, and duvet cover, the whole works.
He ate, drank and slept tractors.

On his 17th birthday he was thrilled to get an invitation to go to a tractor factory nearby and test-drive ...

[Long] The FBI, Scotland Yard, and the KGB are competing to find out who is a better investigative agency.

They release a rabbit in the woods, and whoever finds it quickest is declared the best investigative agency.
The FBI agent goes in first and investigates. He follows trails, asks questions to the other animals, and sets up Wanted posters throughout the forest. He continues this for a week until ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day during the family lunch the youngest..

.. son Paul asks his father:
- Daddy, what is the difference between potential and reality?

Daddy turns to his wife and gives her a question: 
- Would you sleep with George Clooney for 1 million $?
- Certainly, I would never waste such opportunity, - tells the wife

Daddy turns...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Jewish friends pass a Catholic Church...

Two Jewish friends pass a Catholic Church on which a large poster addresses non-Catholics: "Come to us, accept Catholicism, and you instantly get $30,000 in cash!" While walking away, the two friends become engaged in a debate about whether the offer is meant seriously. A week later the two friends ...

A racehorse walks into a bar .....

One day, a race horse walked into a bar fresh after winning his biggest event of the year. He sits down at the bar, orders a drink and looks over to see a donkey sitting on the other side of the room. The race horse gets up from his stool and decides to say what's up, and they began talking and real...

Legalising weed

My campaign for legalising weed is going well, I've placed posters everywhere, I call it _Propaganja_.

What's brown and sticky?

My poster of Beyonce

20 Things to do Before You Die...

1) Look at see through glass and when someone is on the other side shout "OH MY GOD, I'M HIDEOUS!"
2) Bring a big chair into the elevator facing away from the door and when someone walks in, dramatically turn and say 'we've been expecting you.'
3) Walk up to someone, hand them a potato, look t...

A couple of Scottish lads were out one night and they pass a small sign for a comedy act.

One friend squints to read it and says, "come on, let's check this out"

The other friend turns to him and says, "Aye, don't go in. He's not funny."

"How d'ya know, have you seen him before?" asks the enquisitive friend.

"Probably." he says, pointing at the tiny sign, "Look, he's...

Recruiting Pilots

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited.

As he and his staff were standing near ...

Tractor fan

I once had a friend called Sam. When we were young, Sam had an obsession with tractors. He loved them. He had toy tractors, tractor bedsheets, tractor memorabilia - anything to do with tractors fascinated him.
For his 12th birthday, his mother decided to take him to a tractor convention and Sam w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bookseller in German-occupied Copenhagen came up with a new idea to help sell books...

He displayed a book and poster in his shop window saying "English In 50 Hours, Learn English Before The Tommies Arrive."

He was immediately ordered by the Nazis to remove it.

On the next day he put up a new book and poster in the same window that said "German In 50 Hours, Learn German ...

Confessions Of A Heavy Thinker

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than a social thinker.

I began to think alone – “to relax,” I told myself – but I knew it wasn’t true. Thinking bacme more and more i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Bar's Basement Challenge

Three guys walk into a bar and see a poster:

*The Basement Challenge*

*If you can sit in my basement for a day, I'll give you free beer forever.*

*Signed*

*Pappy O'Hooligan*

They tell the bartender they're in and he leads the first guy downstairs.

The first ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All the Children

EDIT: found the original post - turns out it got 9K upvotes and 2 gold... forgive me for being an accidental karma whore ;)

EDIT2: original poster: u/joschon

Let me introduce you to All The Children jokes - bear in mind this is a sort of repost as I saw this a while back (months) and t...

The Clown Joke (WARNING: Very Long)

Once upon a time – which is a terrible way to start a joke – there was a little boy named Billy.

Billy was six years old, and for the whole of his short life, he had been utterly and intensely obsessed with clowns. He had clown bed sheets and clown posters; he had clown toys and clown-themed...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fat man is watching television

He is desperate about his weight situation, all of the sudden he sees an advertisement about losing weight on a tv channel, the woman on the tv shows 3 lose weight secrets that can be deliver to your house but without knowing what the actual product is, she also mentions to be aware of the third on...

I spent this past weekend baby-proofing my house...

I'm not having a baby, but I hung up a bunch of anime posters to make sure that I never do.

I used to be a huge fan of tractors.

When I was younger I loved them in all shapes and sizes. This was until I went to the county fare when I was 10, and the farmer refused to let me sit in his tractor. I ran home and cried my eyes out, tore all the tractor posters off my wall and that was that.

11 years later standing in the do...

A buddy and I were thinking of starting a band called 'Yard Sale'.

Just think of all the free publicity posters!

"Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully,"

...and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week," said the divorce court judge.

"That's very fair, your honor," the husband replied, "and every now and then I'll try and send her a few bucks myself."

EDIT: Format

EDIT(2): I didn't make this joke, I got it from a thread and pos...

joke

Two friends were walking by when they saw a poster with a joke on it. It said "Are you cold at the moment? Come to the corner, it's 90 degrees."

"Wow," said the first friend. "That's acute joke."
"Eh, not really." said the second friend. "Actually it's all right."

Have you heard about Terry the tractor lover?

He was the ultimate tractor enthusiast, his bedroom was plastered with tractor posters, his bed was adorned with a tractor bed spread, tractor toys littered the floor and tractor maintenance DVDs dominated his shelves.

Shortly after Terry's 18th birthday (where he of course had a tractor bir...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.