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A gas station owner in Arkansas was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read: *** "FREE SEX w/fill-up ... just guess the right number between 1 & 10.” ***

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank, and asked for his FREE SEX.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his FREE SEX.
The redneck guessed ‘8’. The proprietor said, "You were close. The number was ‘7’. Sorry, but no FREE SEX thi...

Woman stopped me at the station and said for twenty bucks she'd do things my wife would never dream of ...

I gave her twenty bucks and she ironed three shirts.

What's the difference between an old bus station and Mr. Krabs with breast implants?

One's a crusty bus station, while the other's a busty crustacean

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Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station

in a remote part of Ireland. Paddy, who knows nothing about golf, says "Top of the morning to you sir!"

Tiger nods and bends over to pick up the nozzle. As he does so two tees fall out of his pocket.

"What are those?"

Tiger replies, "These are called tees. They are for resting m...

I saw a homeless man sleeping outside the train station this morning.

Not wanting to disturb him, I crept over and put a Starbucks coffee cup on top of his box.

He immediately woke up and said, “Thank you.”

“No problem.” I smiled.

He looked at me again and said, “It’s empty.”

I said, “I know, it’s meant to be a chimney.”

Why has no electrician ever gone to the International Space Station?

They don't think it's safe. None of the wiring runs to ground.

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Two aliens landed in the desert near a petrol station that was closed for the night.

They approached one of the pumps assuming it was an earthling and the younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, we come in peace. Take us to your leader.'

The pump, of course, didn't respond.

The younger alien was stumped. The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.' But t...

A woman smelling strongly of hard liquor wakes up in a police station, dazed and confused.

She asks the first police officer she sees, "Why am I here?"

"For drinking," replies the officer.

=====

"That's great," says the woman, "when do we start?"

What did one space station say to the other?

You know what? I don’t like your attitude.

A guy runs into the police station and shouts:

"you have to lock me up please, lock me up!"
The office looks at him and asks: "why what did you do?"
The guy:" I hit my wife on the head with a hammer"
The officer:" and she's dead!?"
The guy:"If she died I wouldn't have come here"

Why did the crazy Mexican train driver run over the station master?

Because he had a locomotive

I saw a crippled man in a wheelchair at a gas station once.

He bought a couple of scratch off lottery tickets, scratched the surface with his coin, and shouted with glee, “I won ten thousand dollars!”. Well I was broke, and I needed gas money to get to my shift at work. I asked the crippled man, “excuse me sir? Is there any possible way I could have ten doll...

I don’t usually brag about going to expensive places

But I just left the gas station.

There is a sign at a gas station that said, 'We take Visa, Mastercard, Discover Card, and American Express.'

After I filled up they took my Visa, Master Card, my Discover Card, and my American Express.

The toilet was stolen from the police station.

The cops have nothing to go on.

A police officer called the station on his radio.

“I have an interesting situation here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."

“Have you arrested the woman?”

“No, the floor’s still wet.”

A man's car breaks down in the middle of the night. He knows the area well and realizes that the quickest way to the nearest service station is through an old graveyard...

He's walking along the headstones when in the distance he hears a faint tapping noise. As he gets deeper into the graveyard, the eerie tapping gets louder and louder. He very anxiously turns a corner and sees the source of the tapping is an old man with a hammer and chisel, hunched over a headstone....

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Cletus gets his first job at a small town gas station.

One day, a big old station wagon with Texas plates shows up. He had never seen a car from Texas come in before, so he was impressed. He walks up to the driver’s side. In the front seat we’re two big cowboy looking dudes. The diver says “Fill er er up, son”. Cletus nods and heads towards the rear of...

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I bought a chilli dog and a thumb drive at a gas station...

Ya know, for shits and gigs.

A snail went to the police station

A snail went to the police station to report that he had been mugged

When he got to the front desk he said

“ excuse me officer but I have been mugged by 2 tortoises “”

The officer said

“ can you describe the incident “

The snail said

“ no officer sorry , ...

Someone stole all the pencils at the police station

Detectives have no leads.

went to the gas station to pump up my car tire... and the guy charged me 50 cents. I said “it was only 20 gents last week”.

He said “that’s the price of inflation”

Wife strikes again but stronger than before!

A fireman comes home from work one day and tells his wife, "We had a wonderful system at the fire station:

Bell 1 rings, we put on our jackets;

Bell 2 rings, we slide down the pole;

Bell 3 rings, we're on the trucks.

From now on, we're going to run this house the same...

I saw a woman at the gas station pumping gas and trying to light a cigarette

I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire

The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire...

My local gas station started charging money just to put air in your tires

When I commented that this had been free for decades, the attendant just looked at me and said "that's inflation for you".

The phone rings at the local police station. “Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Craig. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, policemen descend on the neighbor’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.

Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave.

The phone rings at ...

Do you remember when air was free at the gas station, and now it's $1.50? You know why?

Inflation


Holy smokes this blew up, THANK YOU all for the awards and the silver!!

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A mob dragged a man into a police station for running over 11 people, while shouting "Monster!" "Murderer!" "Killer! ".

The policeman dispersed the crowd and began to interrogate the suspect.

The policeman : Tell me what happened.

The suspect : Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to either crash the car into a group of 10 people or to swerve into th...

Two doctors were at the subway station, heading for another work day

When they noticed an old man hunching and limping around.

— Poor guy - says one doctor — Yet another victim of sclerosis.

— Sclerosis? - asks the other one — I don't think so. That's clearly rheumatism.

— You can't be serious - replies the first one — How are you even a doctor i...

Recently the police were called to the residence of an elderly couple. The Chief radios the station that the wife has shot the husband.

The Sgt. at the station stammers "What? Why?" The Chief calls back "Well, apparently she warned him about walking on her freshly mopped floors one more time..." Sarge is in utter disbelief "Did you go and arrest her??" Chief said not yet. Sarge asked what the hell he's waiting for. Chief radios back...

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Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

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Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!"
...

Two English gentlemen are commuters, using the Tube to the City. They get on and off at the same stations, and having done it for years they occasionally nod greetings or even exchange a “good morning.”

One of them looked really unhappy one day and the other said “I know we haven’t been introduced but if you don’t mind me saying it you do look a bit peaky.”
“My false teeth are killing me.”
“Hmmm. If you let me have a good look I may be able to help you.”
“Oh please do...”
“Give me a da...

A man on a train gets up and moves to the doors..

..a conductor notices and says "Sorry sir, this train doesn't stop at the next station on a Sunday night." Seeing how disappointed he is, the conductor says "It does slow down going through the station though, perhaps there is a way I could help you if you like."

So as the train slows down th...

I was mugged at a bus station, and burst in to tears.

A police officer came up to me and said 'I'm fining you £60'.

I said, 'oh, for crying out loud'

The police officer said 'yes'

A Blonde decides she want to join the police...

She goes down to her local station & starts applies to join.


The Sergeant calls her over & says, 'before you join, I need to ask you a few questions'


1st Question: 'What's 2+2?'


Blonde says: 'that's easy 4'


2nd qstn: 'What the square root o...

Did you hear about the guy who swapped the labels on the pumps at the gas station?

It was an April Fuels joke.

At the tube station earlier I saw a homeless man sitting on the floor with a three legged dog next to a sign that read: “Help, I’m starving.”

He can’t be that hungry, he hasn’t even finished his dog.

One Adam Twelve

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard.
Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was ...

Why won't a pimp let his hookers use gas station bathrooms?

Because of the "no merchandise beyond this point" sign.

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The telephone at the antarctic research station is ringing.

A male voice on the other end of the line:

"Are their five-foot penguins?"

"No."

"Fuck. Then I just ran over a nun.

An arm with no body crawls into a military recruiting station.

The sergeant looks on in amazement as the arm hops onto his desk, grabs a pen and writes;

“I’m here to enlist!”

“You can’t enlist, you’re just an arm!”

The arm quickly wraps itself around the sergeant’s neck and puts him into a submission hold; letting him go just before he pas...

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A blind and elderly German man is on a train.

When the train approaches the station of his destination, he gets up from his seat, tries to make for the door, but almost walks into a pole.

Another passenger yells," Careful, there's a pole in front of you!"

The old man breathes in, stands tall with all the vitality of his youth, a...

A man runs into the police station one day saying he witnessed a murder.

The police quickly follow him to a field, expecting to see a body, but all they see is a crow.

The man says “There was definitely more than one crow here”

A New Yorker Asks for a Cab Ride to Chicago

A man gets in a cab at 33rd St. and Park Ave. and says, "I need to get to the Palmer House."

The cabbie says, "The Palmer House Hotel?"

The man says, "Yeah."

The cabbie says, "That's on Wabash in Chicago."

The man says, "Yeah."

The cabbie says, "I'm not gonna drive...

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A traffic cop stops a man for speeding

Policeman: "Can I see your driver's license?".

Man: "I don't have it, they suspended it for speeding."

Policeman: "Can you show me the registration document of the car?".

Man: "It's not mine, I stole it".

Policeman: "You stole this car?".

Man: “Exactly. But wait a...

Sloth gets mugged

A sloth gets mugged by three turtles. At the police station the cop asks him if he got a good look at the muggers. The sloth replies "I don't know, it all happened so fast".

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A Marine returns from duty in Iraq and is immediately reassigned to a remote location in Afghanistan

That evening he arrives at his new post; a run down mosque in the middle of the mountains.

As he switches over with the marine currently stationed there, he realises there is no clean water, no toilet, just him, his weapon, the insects, and a pile of straw on the floor as a bed.

The ne...

Penguins car is overheating…..

A penguin has some car trouble...

A vacationing penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

After dropping the...

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Heard on the Underground

A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers...
1) "Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cro...

Someone broke into our local police station and stole all the urinals.

Police say they have nothing to go on.

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Did I tell you about my trick for getting to the front of the line at gas stations?

I call it my gas trick bypass.

A bus driver was called into court for killing 24 children and 6 adults

The judge asks the bus driver "why did you kill all those innocent people?"

The bus driver, looking a little sad, says "I didn't mean too, It was by mistake!"

"How did it happen?" Asks the judge.

"Well-" said the bus driver, "I was driving to a bus station but suddenly, on the r...

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It was a dark and rainy night…..

Our hero’s car had broken down right in front of an old looking mansion.

After knocking, an old Chinese man came to the door. “ I was wondering if it’s at all possible you might have a room for me for the night. I will be out of your hair the next morning and on my way to the service stati...

Just A Man Shopping With His Wife

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the follow...

The police bring a phone to the station for questioning. They soon find out his shocking crime.

He was charged in connection with battery.

Working at a gas station, I never knew I was an "essential working until the pandemic started

I guess nobody cared who I was until I put on the mask.

Did you hear about the lobster that got a job at pizza hut?

He's working in the crust station.

I was driving down the highway after a long day's work.

Traffic was light, not much of a problem.
I was listening to the radio and thinking about my evening.
It's not that I was distracted, I just never expected it to happen
Sure enough, on the road was some leftover glass from an accident that morning.
And I drove right over it. ...

Vaccinating your kid is like banning fire from a gas station

A good idea

Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, owned a cattle ranch,

Unfortunately, their bull died. They needed to purchase a new one, but they only had $500. The brunette said she'd go to the nearest town to see if she could buy a bull for less than $500. She told her sister that if she could find one, she'd send a telegram to tell her to come in the truck to pick ...

[Police Station] Me: I want to talk to the thief who broke into my house last night Police: Why do you want to talk to him?

Me: I just want to know how he got into my house without waking up my wife. I’ve been trying it for years

I called into a Russian radio station to request that they play some U2...

They shot me down :(

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Camel in the Camp

There was a major that got newly stationed in a base in the middle east. As he inspecting the base, he saw a camel tied to a post. Confused, he calls the nearest private.

"Private Doe!"
"Sir! Yes, sir?"
"What is this camel doing here at our base?" Asks the Major
"Sir, the camel is he...

They developed a toilet for the space station for two reasons:

Number one, and, of course, number two.

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I ran into the gas station with my mask on saying, "This is a Stick Up!"

The clerk laughed.

The man paying for a coffee laughed.

The lady grabbing a candy bar laughed.

They thought I was joking, so I quickly made a small purchase.

When the cashier had the drawer open, I said hand me the large bills and a carton behind the counter.

The c...

A man was brought to the police station to describe the suspect for a police sketch but is hesitant because the perpetrator was actually him.

His conscience urges him to tell the truth. It might as well be his self-defining moment.

I saw a graffiti artist spraying a police station in a thick font.

Now that is bold.

What mythical creature keeps time for trains at the station?

A metro-gnome

Got arrested today and the cops said they needed to take my fingerprints and put them on file. But when we got to the station, the sergeant said they'd run out of fingerprint ink.

So they just asked for 6 digit passcode instead.

I think they're trying to PIN something on me.

Murphy in London

Murphy found himself in the London underground subway station, at four o’clock in the morning. He walked along to the escalator, on the escalator it is written, “Dogs must be carried on the escalator.” he thought, “God, where am I going to find a dog at this hour of the night?”

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2 short and cute NSFW Jokes

1st -
Question: How does Herman Melville (from Moby Dick) finish off all of his sex stories?

Answer: ||"And there she blows!"||


2nd -
Question: Why does the gas station attendant have a long lasting relationship with his girlfriend?

Answer: ||Cause he always knows how ...

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One spooky night on Halloween...

Chris, an urban adventurer. was looking to have some fun.

He decided that since it was Halloween, it would be the perfect time to explore a spooky house. He asked the locals if they knew of any, and they informed him of this abandoned mansion not to far from where he lived. He was warned cou...

Border Crossing

A young man comes up to the border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The border guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?" "Sand," answers the young man. The guard is a bit skeptical and asks the young man to turn over the bags for inspection. The guard empties the bags,...

A bear wanders into a police station

He was just there to bear witness

A police officer, was scheduled for all-night duty at the station...

... he was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom, and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said "Honey, would you go down to the all-nigh...

What do you call a train station for cofee...

An expresso!

A radio station said to call their hotline to win a prize

All I got was a burnt hand

So I went to this Vietnamese Resturaunt

...when I saw some patrons stomp out angrily muttering about someone being rude.  It smelled so good I was undeterred.  There was a soup station where they put it all together in front of you.  I asked the host how.it worked and he pointed and said "pho queue over there"

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Why did the ex-pornstar get fired from his job at the gas station?

As soon as the tank was full, he’d rip out the nozzle and spray gas all over the car.

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The case of the missing condoms

A girl I was friends with in high school called me crying today. She had a question she needed to ask a guy friend. She said her boyfriend had just bought a box of a dozen condoms and now there are only six left, but they only had sex three times. When confronted her boyfriend said that sometimes...

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My girlfriend phoned me while I was on the graveyard shift.

"There are three blokes standing outside," she whispered nervously. "I think they're going to break in to our house!"

"If they force their way in," I replied, "don't let them have anything good. Alright?"

"OK!" she snapped. "I'll try my best."

I said, "No TV, no PlayStation, non...

Three men are standing at the train station.

They are talking to each other and they don’t even notice that the train already came and is now already moving. They all run towards the door, and two of them manage to jump on the train, but the third one stays on the platform. An observer comes to the man and says: “wow, your friends are fast!” T...

A certain TV station was a hosting a contest and I happened to be the first caller

The host said, "Congratulations on being our first caller, all you have to do is answer the following question correctly, to win our grand prize."

"That's fantastic!" I shouted in delight.

"Feel confident?" she asked. "It's a basic maths question."

"Well, I've got a master's in ...

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One day 3 frogs were out on the piss

One drink turned into five which turned into too many, and the next thing you know the 3 frogs are messing about in a public fountain. The police are called and they’re arrested.

Down at the police station, the frogs are taken in one by one for questioning. The first frog is called into the r...

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Two policemen are walking down the street and they find a mirror.

First one picks it up, looks at it and says: "Holy shit man, this dude looks so familiar."
Other one looks at it and says: "Man you're right! We better take this to the captain!"
When they come to the police station they show the mirror to the captain and ask him if he knows this man. Captai...

Missing Wife

A man calls into the police station and says, "My wife is missing." The officer asks, "How long has she been gone?" "A month," the man replies. "Why did you wait so long to report it?"

"Well," says the man, "until yesterday I thought it was just a dream."

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Billy was the first person in his small town to go to college.

After he’d been there a few weeks, he lost all his money at a fraternity card game. He thought about his options and had an idea.

His father had just written him to ask how things were going. Billy wrote back and said, “Dad, you won’t BELIEVE what they can do at this school! They can teach...

My rich cousin's hummer-porschaghini (Long)

So I have this cousin who is absolutely loaded and he had this idea he would pay the best mechanic around to build him custom car.

He wanted the body of a Lamborghini, with the engine of a Porsche, and all the amazing features of an original hummer. He decided to call it the Hummer-porschagh...

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A man walked into his doctors office, and asked him for 3 viagra pills

A man walked into his doctors office, and asked him for 3 viagra pills.

The doctor asked, "Why only 3?"

The man said, "Well, Friday my secretary is coming over, Saturday my girlfriend is coming over, and Sunday, my wife is coming home form her vacation".

The doctor said, "That's...

A young man was showing of his new sportscar to his girlfriend

she was thrilled at the speed.

"If i do 200 km/h, will you take all of your clothes off?"

The girlfriend felt adventurous, and said "yes, of course"

He brought the car up to the 200 km/h benchmark. However, he was unable to keep his eyes on the road and the car swerved, then ...

A man is sitting in a taxi in Newcastle on his way home to Sunderland. He realises he recognises the taxi driver- and with great enthusiasm mentions this. "I know you! You picked me and the missus up that time from the train station and took us to the airport! Remember?"...

The taxi driver, who sees hundreds of different people every day, smiles politely and replies "Maybe.", rather unconvincingly. A typical, though nevertheless unbearable awkwardness follows whereupon the driver says "Riddle me this...". The passenger sits up straight and prepares for thinking.
...

What does a redditor in the military say when his station is bombed?

Damn, this post blew up

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A radio station in Ireland is taking calls to find a word that is commonly used but isn't in the dictionary yet...

The first caller get's through,

"Hello! What word do you think should be in the dictionary?"

"Goan!"

"Goan? Can you use it in a sentence?"

"Yeah, go'an fuck yerself!" The caller then begins laughing until the station can cut off his call.

After several more calls t...

A woman was pumping her gas on an extremely hot day.

As she pulled the nozzle from her car, some splashed on her arm and a random spark ignited the gas. As her arm was burning, she called for help to have someone try to quell the flame before it grew too high. To her luck, a couple police officers walked out from inside the gas station and immediately...

I remember when I was a kid and air pumps at gas stations were free, now they cost a quarter

Damn inflation

Apparently I’ve been banned from the gas station for playing ‘The Who’ too loudly on my car stereo...

I won't get fueled again.

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.

"He's a funeral dir...

Today when travelling to work there was an announcement at the train station.

The speakers above announced: "Sorry everyone, we are having a bus replacement service today."

I walked over to the ticket counter and gave the worker a can of beans.

He said "Why have you given me this?"

I replied "Well, sorry, but this is my money replacement service."

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk I have a work station...

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Remember the good old days when you can walk into a gas station with $1 and walk out with two bags of chips, beef jerky, and a drink?

Nowadays, there’s cameras everywhere.

*Teacher to Student* T: "Use the word 'centimeter' in a sentence"

S: ‟My grandma was arriving at the train station so i was centimeter”

T: ‟No, no, that‘s ‘Sent to meet her‘. Okay, try another one. Use ‘contagious‘ in a sentence please”

S: ‟I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!”

Why don't fire stations have poles any more?

Brexit.

A man joined the Navy and was stationed on a sub

A man went to the Navy and was stationed on a sub.

This submarine had a system in which service members were stationed at a certain place.

On the third day of his career, he was moved to a different station for work.

On the fourth day, it happened again.

On the fifth day,...

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With Apologies To Abbot And Costello

There were these two kids who ran away from their home in Why, Arizona. One was a tall, white kid. The other was a short, Asian kid. After running away from home, a police officer notices them. They were caught milking baby gila monsters for their venom. The cop didn't want to send them to juvi...

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Apparently there's a sperm shortage in the UK

Probably because all the wankers have gone to the petrol station

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A fireman is sitting in front of the station when he sees a little boy coming down the street in a little red wagon. He's put little ladders on the side and a garden hose is coiled in the front.

The kid is wearing a fireman's helmet and the wagon is tied to a dog and cat who are pulling the wagon.

"That sure is a nice fire truck you got there."
"Thanks," the boy says.

The fireman looks more closely and sees the boy has the wagon tied to the dog's collar and the cat's test...

I'm the captain now...

I work for a large shipping company. While in international waters, a small boat collided with our giant ship. Next thing we know, we're over run with armed people. I saw one in the captains quarters and they were talking. The captain shook his head no and pointed to a sign. The armed men calmly got...

Why did the bee cross its legs?

It was looking for a BP station.

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?

Are they afraid someone will clean them?

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A woman found out that her husband was cheating on her while stationed in Saudi.

So she sends him this care package. He is excited to get a package from his wife back home. He finds that it contains a batch of home made cookies and a VHS tape of his favorite TV shows. He invites a couple of his buddies over and they're all sitting around having a great time eating the cookies an...

I remember a time where you could walk into the gas station with a quarter and leave with a candy bar and a coke.

Now there are cameras everywhere.

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While a Teacher was educating her class on how to recognize con artists she noticed one of her students looking down

She pauses her lecture and walks next to the desk of the gloomy child.

"Dear what seems to be the problem?" She asks

The student looks up and says "my mother is in the hospital and my dad is in the police station"

"Oh dear god, you should be at home instead of school! Here I'll ...

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Soon after 9/11, an Arab leaves behind a suitcase at a train station

Standing nearby is a blond-haired blue-eyed white man who immediately notices this. He walks up to the suitcase and the zipper's not completely closed, so he takes a peek inside.

He sees electronic gizmos, what looks like a timer, and a huge pile of cash. He grabs the suitcase and chases down...

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A radio station

ran a contest for listeners to pick English words that are no longer in use but should be brought back. A caller called...


Hi, my name is Dave


Hi Dave. What's your word?


Goan, spelt G O A N


Ok it's not in the dictionary. How do we use this?


Goan...

Three lawyers and three engineers are travelling by train to a conference.

The three lawyers buy a ticket each while the engineers by only one. The lawyers laugh at the engineers crying how can three people travel by train using only one ticket. The engineers respond with “you’ll see”.



They all board the train and the lawyers take a seat while the engineers ...

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A local radio station was running a competition

A local radio station was running a competition - words that weren't in the dictionary yet could still be used in sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali.

DJ: "96FM here, what's your name?"

Caller: "Hi, my name's Dave."

DJ: "Dave, what's your word?"<...

I’m a nurse in a hospital’s children’s ward. One night, I was at the nurses’ station when I heard a little boy in his room talking. He kept the patter up for some time-

Finally, I got on the intercom and said softly but firmly, “All right, Johnny, it’s time to go to sleep now.” There was quiet in the room, and then he said, “OK, God, I will.” I didn’t hear a peep from him until late the next morning.
(True story)

Prague just installed new Covid-19 testing stations.

They named them Czech points.

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Two aliens land at a deserted gas station...

Two aliens land at a deserted gas station. They climb out of their space ship and all they can see is a gas pump.

The first alien looks right at the gas pump and says “Take me to your leader”.

Not surprisingly the gas pump says nothing.

The alien repeats “Take me to you lead...

Why did the Bernie supporter show up to the polling station at 8:30 when the polls had already closed at 8:00?

He didn't know he had to vote bi den.

We had a friend who liked to take photos of himself doing life-risking stunts for fun. We always discouraged him, but one time he got hit by a train at a railway station because of a stunt.

That time, it was painfully clear to us that he had definitely crossed the line.

I asked a guy at the station, when was the next Train coming ? " Have a look up online " he said. So I replied..

.." That's a bit dangerous, isn't it ? "

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A guy wants to experience some deep soul searching solitude...

He manages to hire an old abandoned sheep station in outback Australia. Tens of thousands of vast empty hectares stretching out to all the horizons.

As soon as the chopper drops him off, flies away and the dust settles, the quiet falls upon him. The distance recedes out endlessly in front of...

So I was standing at a bus station having a smoke

And I was horrified to see the bus leave the bus station without me....

I could have sworn I put the handbrake on!!!!

A young Nun who worked for a local home health care agency was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, there was a gas station just one block away.

She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up.




The attendant regretfully told her that the only gas can he loaned had just been loaned out, but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly.
...

Hole in the police station wall

Last night I drove past my local Police Station on the way home from work and saw there was a massive hole in side of the building!!!

Police were looking into it.

A giant fly has attacked the local Police Station

Police have called in the SWAT team

NASA had a supply of rib eye on the last flight to the international space station to see how meat cooked in space. They called it their most important mission.

Because the steaks were never higher.

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What do you call a firefighter not on the first floor of the fire station during an emergency?

A part time stripper

An Estonian visits russia

He departs from Tallinn, the journey goes as planned until, 2 hours and a half in, he realizes he needs petrol otherwise he won't get to russia, so he stops at a gas station near narva, and decides to get a snack and go to the bathroom. So before filling up his car he gets off, walks to the gas stat...

Two old rednecks were sitting outside of a gas station...

Between them there was an old hound dog laying on the concrete, licking it's balls.

One redneck was looking at the dog and said "I really wish I could do that!"

The other redneck looks down and says, "Well, you can try, but he'll probably bite ya."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

While traveling through the country, an old couple drives into a gas station.

The gas station attendant asks the old man, "Where you folks from? I know everybody in this town."

The old man says, "We're from Nebraska."

Hard of hearing, the old lady nudges her husband, "What did he say, honey?"

The old man answers her, "He asked us where we are from." ...

A woman stands in a bus station and thinks to herself: "should I go by bus or by taxi?

If I go by taxi, it doesn't matter. If I go by bus, there are 2 options; either I'll sit, or I'll stand. If I stand, it doesn't matter. If I sit, there are 2 options; either I'll sit next to a boy, or I'll sit next to a girl. If I'll sit next to a girl, it doesn't matter. If I sit next to a boy, the...

I was in the petrol station queue and there was a bloke in front of me his right arm was browner than the other...

He saw me looking, so I nodded to his arm and asked if he was a taxi driver.

He replied, "No. I'm a vet."

Two physicists and two mathematicians are invited to a conference at university

(You may think you’ve heard this before but I’ve got a twist on the ending)

The four guys meet up and find a train to the conference.

At the train station, the physicists buy two tickets each, but the mathematicians only buy one.

They board the train and begin talking, but when...

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