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Four cannibals apply for a job in a big corporation…

„Well“, says the boss, „if I hire you guys, you have to promise to not eat any of our staff.“

The cannibals promise that they will not eat anyone and get hired.

Everything is going well for a while, and one day the boss calls them into his office.

“You’re working well and all, ...

A Chinese doctor can't find a job in an America, so he opens his own clinic...

Six months later, a lawyer walks by the clinic and notices there's a sign outside that says "TREATMENT COST $20, IF WE CAN'T CURE YOU GET $100 BACK."
The lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic. The doctor comes right up to him as he enters.

Doctor: "W...

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There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail with illegible addresses…

One day, a letter came addressed in shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:

“Dear God,

I am an 83-year-old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which...

I’m not having much luck with jobs lately.

I wasn’t suited to be a tailor.

The muffler factory was just exhausting.

I couldn’t cut it as a barber.

I didn’t have the patience to be a doctor.

I wasn’t a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it.

The paper shop folded. Pool maintenance...

I quit my position as a scuba diving instructor the first day at my job.

Deep down, I realized it wasn’t for me.

A University of Alabama graduate gets a job

He shows up to his first day of work, and the boss hands him a mop and a bucket.

"Hey! I will have you know I'm a graduate of the University of Alabama!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," the boss said, "let me show you how to use those."

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A powerful Emperor advertised for a new Chief Samurai. Only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai,

Number One Samurai, "Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.

The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and "swish"; the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!

"What a feat!" said the Emperor. "Number Two Sam...

My wife and I are both unemployed. My mum died in a car crash. We have three children and we're all staying in my grandma's place, and my grandma died this week. My dad has to work at 73. I'll do any job to take care of my family. Please share.

Sincerely,

William, Prince of Wales

Job Fair I

I got a job at a company that makes fire hydrants, but I had to give it up. There was no place to park.

Then I went to work for a company at prints calendars. But I knew from the start that my days were numbered.

So I went to work for a moving company. They told me to vacate the premis...

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I got a job in my first porno this morning.

I’m the husband leaving for work.

Got a new job as a garbage man but I was worried as there’s no training.

The boss said I’ll pick it up as I go.

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

A friend of mine had a job at the zoo circumcising elephants.

The pay was poor, but the tips were huge

A man applies for a job at the circus

“What can you do?” asks the owner

“Really good bird impressions”

“Sorry we’ve got someone who can do those already”

“Oh well” said the man sadly, as he flew out of the tent.

What four elements are you not allowed to bring to your job?

Nitrogen, sulfur, fluorine, and tungsten…because they are NSFW.

The theory goes, that surnames often come from the job of your ancestors.

What on earth did "Dickinson" do?!

(Credit to Jason Manford)

If I take a job at a railroad...

will they expect me to know the job or will they train me?

A group of dwarves get jobs as coal miners

After a week or so, one of the workers really stood out and was getting special treatment from the supervisor, Moe. The other dwarves complained to HR and threatened to go on strike.
The supervisor was called into the office and reprimanded. He explained that he was only trying to keep the harde...

The new job

A Miami man seeking employment is passing in front of a job recruiting office when is stops to read some of the jobs being offered.


Suddenly he notices an intriguing offer.

“WANTED: GYNECOLOGIST’S ASSISTANT”

NO EXPERIENCE NEEDED

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES,

HELP TH...

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A young Geordie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job. The manager asked "Do you have any sales experience?" The young man answered "Aye, I was a canny salesman back in Newcastle."

The manager liked the Geordie so he gave him the job. His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked "OK,...... so how many sales did you make today?" The Geordie said "Just the one like" The manager groaned an...

what do you say to the liberal arts student that just gotten a job

Can I get the cappuccino to go?

I quit my job at the Helium factory today

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.

I got fired from my job yesterday for saying smoking or non smoking

But apparently the correct terms were cremation and burial

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

A nurse went to the hospital for her first day on the job

Due to a miscommunication she did not know the name of the ward she had been assigned. Instead she was told to take medicine to the ward since the supervisor was running late

Upon reaching the spot, she saw there were only 3 men in the hospital beds. Starting her shift, she began to hand out ...

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I woke up to a cheeky blow job this morning.

That’s the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.

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Billy arrived at his new job, the local garden center/general store.

Mr Howard said "Just watch how I interact with the customers, Billy, and follow my lead. We need to upsell."

"Ok," says Billy, "I'm all ears."

A man walks in and mills around the store for a while, then comes up to the counter with a packet of grass seeds.

Mr Howard engages the ...

A dog goes to the Job Centre

A dog goes to the job centre and asked for assistance in finding employment.

The employee at the Job Centre says "Bloody hell! A talking dog! You should get a job at the circus!"

The dog replies "Why's that? Are they after a plumber?"

Cannibal chief: What's your job?

Victim (already in cooking pot): I'm a news editor.

Cannibal chief: Good news, you'll soon be editor-in-chief.

The job market

Talked to a man about a job.
"How much are you paying?"
"Starting pay is $10/hr but it goes up to $15 in 6 months. When can you start?"
"Oh, in about 6 months..."

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I got fired from my job today for having sex at work.

My boss reamed me out and I said, "What was I supposed to do, she was just lying there naked!"

He shouted, "The autopsy! The fucking autopsy!"

Then he fired me and called me the worst Veterinarian ever.

I saw an add in the paper for a job at a mirror factory and I thought...

...now that's something I could see myself doing.

I got a job recreating the faces of early hominids

I mostly work with Pleistocene.

What's the worst job for a talkative Italian?

A surgeon

I have trouble keeping their jobs these days...

First I was working at a potato farm, but then I was sacked.

Next it was the tuna factory, but then I was canned.

Next I tried being a lumberjack, but then I got axed.

Next I found an opening at the crematorium, but then I was fired.

Next I screwed up at the gun manufactu...

So an IT guy is really bad at his job and decides to quit and start a Nu Metal band.

It was named: System Always Down

I'm applying for a job in the circus as a lion tamer

My stage name is Claude Balzac.

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If sex can get a woman pregnant, what can a blow job get a woman?

Jewelry

Why did the producer of Dirty Jobs get fired?

He was a Mike Rowe manager.

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Guys without balls applies for a job

"You're hired! Report tomorrow at 8am"
\- Thanks! There's just one detail I'd like you to know about me. I lost my balls during the war. But I can otherwise function perfectly fine.
"Ah ok, then you can come tomorrow at 9am"
\- Sir, I appreciate the consideration, but I do not expect ...

Have you heard about the gynecologist who quit his job?

Yeah so he became a mechanic.

Went to school and for the first test, he had to disassemble then reassemble an engine.

He got a %150. He got confused and asked his teacher how he got that grade.

Teacher says, "I gave you %50 for taking it apart, %50 for reassembling it and runnin...

I applied for a job at the gynaecology clinic today.

I’d heard there was a lot of openings there.

I had 180 people under me at my first job and I was only 14 years old.

I mowed the town cemetery.

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible"

"Well I'm your man" I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong they said I was responsible"

What are the only things that will do their job after being fired?

Bullets

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A husband got a new job

A husband got a new job and had to go on his first ever business trip.

This was especially tough because he and his wife made love every other day and he was going to be gone for a week.

He didn’t want his wife to miss him, or miss out on her regular orgasm, so he decided to buy her a ...

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What did the prostitute say when she walked off the job?

I just don't have it in me anymore.

Why did the programmer quit his job?

Because he didn't get arrays.

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What's the difference between a shitty job and a dirty job? (OC)

A shitty job has a micro-manager and a dirty job has Mike Rowe as the manager.

^(I'll see myself out.)

An Irishman goes for a labouring job on a building site

The foreman thinks to himself "I'll catch this thick paddy out" and asks the Irishman "what's the difference between a joist and a girder?"

The Irishman thinks for a second and replies "well, you see sir, Joyce wrote Ulysses while Goethe wrote Faust".



\>note, this works best...

I once had a job drilling holes for water.

It was well boring.

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Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally, sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska, as far from humanity as possible.

He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it, and a huge, bearded man is standing there. “Name’s Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Hav...

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Nearly lost my job as a roofer when I was caught masturbating on my first day at work

Luckily my boss said I could wipe the slate clean...

A church advertises a job for a bell ringer

Several people apply and the minister decides to have auditions to see who rings the bell the best. The last applicant comes in and the minister immediately notices that he has no arms.

"Tell me, son, how do you intend to ring the bell with your disability?"

"It's no problem," the app...

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A Newfoundlander shows up for a job interview in the middle of Alberta.

The foreman can tell right away by how he talks and thinks to himself, "Oh no, I don't want to hire a Newfoundlander.." so he comes up with an idea on the spot;

"Before I hire you, I want to see if you can pass a quick cognitive test. I'll give you a pen and paper, and you try to abstractly d...

(Dirty) What is the difference between a job and a wife?

The job still sucks after ten years

I once got a job at a company that makes fire hydrants.

I have to quit. There was no place to park.

Four doctors are talking. "The British doctor says, medicine is so advanced in Britain that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he was looking for a job."

The German doctor replies: "That's nothing. In Germany, we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he was looking for a job."

The Russian doctor replies: "Well, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he was looking for a job."

The...

I got a job cleaning horse manure.

Well, the ad promise a stable income.

I got a new job delivering pizzas.

Nobody really likes liver on pizza anyways.

A woman got a job at a horseback riding academy

One day, she was appointed to give a tour to one of the schools' wealthiest donors.

The donor in question was an old man; his eyes were failing but despite that handicap he was impressed with the academy developments.

When they reached the stable to examine the horses, she took him fi...

Job

Two smart, attractive, well-educated young law graduates, Sally and Edith, were competing for a prestigious job.

As part of the job interview each was asked why she wanted the job.

Edith answered that she wanted to work for a firm with a reputation of being concerned with truth and j...

What do job hunting and incels have in common?

They both expect years of experience from a first timer.

Boss told me as a security guard its my job to watch the office

Im on season 6 but I’m not really sure what its got to do with security.

I almost lost my job as a DJ at a country music station

I accidentally played the same three songs for five hours. Fortunately, our listeners didn't seem to notice.

I got fired from my job for assuring my clients that I will never let them down

I guess being an elevator operator isn’t my forte

Two eagles walk into a law firm looking for a job

The hiring manager asks, "So why should I hire you two?"

And the eagles say, "Well, we've been eagles since the day we hatched from our eggs. You're never going to find a para-eagles better than us!"

They said "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have"

So now I'm sat in a disciplinary meeting, wearing a Batman costume.

Did you hear about the guy who lost his job at Pepsi?

He tested positive for coke.

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8 years ago today, I shared the worst joke I ever created. I reposted it 4 years ago. Here it is again for those that missed it.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to g...

I hate my job and I hate my company...

"I could tell you 100 things I hate about my company"
"Okay, thats a start, why won´t you write it down on a piece of paper?"
"And then what?"
"Burn it, it might free your mind"
"If you think it helps...sure thing doc"
<<next day>>
"So, did it help with your...

Elon is firing Twitter employees with bad posture

I have a hunch I might be next.

I was working a job on a boat transporting people and cars when a magical godmother with gossamer wings surprised me with a really good party for me with rides. Then I found out I still had to pay admission. It was only a couple bucks, though.

A Very Fair Fairy Ferry Faire Fare.

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Why do men love blow jobs so much?

It's the only way to get inside of a womans head!!

A Pole-ish joke

Two engineers…….

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said one, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, ...

I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me."

So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.

Eventually, he called me on my phone and said, "Bring it back here right now!"

I replied, "£100 and it's yours."

An Israeli friend told me that being an IDF isn't just a job..

It's an occupation...

Job interview

Interviewer: How do you explain this 4 year gap in your resume?

Candidate: I was in Yale.

Interviewer: Congratulations! You are hired.

Candidate: Thank you. I really need this Yob.

As a teenager I had a summer job pumping gas….

As a teenager I had a summer job pumping gas. One week an older guy drove up and said he wanted a fill-up. Then he got out of the car with an umbrella, opened it, and followed me around as I worked, holding the umbrella over my head to keep the sun off me. I awkwardly thanked him as he paid his tab ...

A blonde at a job application

Interviewer: Okay before we move forward with your application. We're just gonna ask you a few simple questions.

Blonde: Okay no problem fire away!

Interviewer: What's 2+2?

Blonde: Oh that's easy! 4!

Interviewer: Very good! And what's the square root of 100?

Blonde...

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I posted an ad looking for someone to do odd jobs for me.

A guy replied, offering to jerk me off with his feet, armpit, or elbows.

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A taxi driver, new on the job, picks up his first customer

The driver then started to head to the location designated by the passenger. A few minutes had passed and the whole trip had been quiet ever since. The radio wasn't even turned on.

The passenger is very interpersonal so he started to strike a conversation to break the silence.

"Hey, ma...

Selling coffins must be a hard job.

It's the last thing any of us need.

I got a job at Chipotle by telling this joke during my interview.

What do Mexicans use to cut their pizza with?

Little Ceasars.

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Told my wife that I was so stressed, only a blow job would help.

She asked, where I was going to find a dick to suck at this time of night?

I was fired from my travel agency operator job today



The order said we need to pick up a 'Thompson Camp', so I sent a bus.

It turned out it was just one guy, but his last name is Camp.....

\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*

This is almost a real story.... Do you know any folks with that last name?

Did you hear about the Lumberjack who abruptly stopped doing his job?

He just woodn't.

Taxi driver: "What I like most about my job is the independence. I'm my own boss. Noone tells me what to do, I make my own decisions."

Me: "Take the next left."

I got fired from my job at the suicide hotline

Apparently they aren't familiar with the reverse psychology approach

I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job at the highway department

But when I got home...

All the signs were there.

I told my wife that I wanted to get a new job making perfume

She replied "That makes scents."

Why did the bee fail to get the job at a honey factory?

His application was nothing but buzz words

Robocop lost his job on the Police force..

He's found new employment advertising for a barber shop

Shave now.. or there will be stubble

The ring leader hired the best safe cracker for their bank job...

In criminal circles he was known to crack any safe and the police never caught him. When the day of the heist came, they entered the bank, secured the building, corralled the hostages in the bank managers office and the safe cracker proceeded to the locked vault.

After a few quick inspection...

Did you hear about the hunchback who lost his job?

He doesn’t ring any bells?

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My friend said, "Congratulations on your new job. How did you get it?" I mumbled, "The same way the Virgin Mary got Jesus." He laughed, "A miracle?!"

I groaned, "No. Sex that I can't tell anyone about."

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What do you call an equestrian that has never received a blow job?

A Headless Horseman!

Did you meet Steve Jobs' dirty brother?

Han Jobs

Billy Bob wanted a job as a signalman on the railways.

Billy Bob wanted a job as a signalman on the railways. He was told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

The inspector asked, "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?"

Billy Bob replied, "I would switch the points for one of...

Garbage can

An old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school.

He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment.

Then a new school year began.

The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came dow...

A warrior's job is to fight in wars

A gladiator's job is to make people smile

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Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from many men.

It was laid out over five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return....

My friend losr his job making calendars.

He took to many days off.

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Quit Your Job. Sell Your House. Go to Vegas.

This guy was sitting in his cubicle one day doing paperwork for his company when he heard a voice out of nowhere. "Quit your job. Sell your house. Go to Las Vegas." He was a little freaked out by the mysterious voice, but managed to finish out his day, go home, and go to sleep.

The next day h...

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A blind man interviews for a job at a lumber company and the interviewer doubts the man’s abilities. He says, “how could you possibly be qualified for this job?”, to which the man replied, “I can tell any type of wood just by the smell. “

A blind man interviews for a job at a lumber company and the interviewer doubts the man’s abilities. He says, “how could you possibly be qualified for this job?”, to which the man replied, “I can tell any type of wood just by the smell. “
The interviewer doubts this and sets up a test of the m...

A despondent young woman who had lost her job and her house had decided to commit suicide.

She was walking along a bridge across the harbor, getting the nerve to jump in, when a young man saw her.

"Don't do it!" he called out. He looked at her and realized she was incredibly beautiful. He came closer.

"What's wrong?" he asked. The woman told him.

"Okay, here's the thi...

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.

The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What does two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says...

My job as a waiter pays really well….

I bring a lot to the table

Just got fired from my job as a set designer.

I left without making a scene.

After watching Finding Nemo, a man runs out to the pet store and buys a clown fish

He brings the fish home and puts it into the tank, but after a few days notices that it doesn't seem at all settled in its new home.


He remembers that in Finding Nemo, the clownfish live in an anemone, so he returns to the pet store and asks the clerk if they have any for sale. The cler...

A girl looking for a job

A girl graduated from an engineering university and was looking for a job, but she did not find any opportunity, but one time she met a person, a zoo manager , and he offered her a job with a very good salary, and the job is to dress up as a zebra and stay in the cage for visitors see it because the...

A homeless man walks into a job interview..

A homeless man walks into an interview for a truck driver position, the interview goes well.
The inteviewer said: well, I you meet our standards, just the last thing; what is your email address?
By which the homeless man replied: Sir, I don't own a computer, so I don't have an email address....

So I was rubbing down this broad at my massage therapy job, and I asked if her husband was paying.

She asked if i was a misogynist.

I said "Listen honey, its pronounced masseuse."

I got my first job as an accountant at 22, right out of college. Suddenly, the week after I turned 30, they fired me.

13 years of loyal service to the company, down the drain.

I want to get a job cleaning mirror's

It's something I can see myself doing

Bubba

Once When Bubba got a new job, he says to his new boss, “Boss, I know everyone in the whole world!”

His boss doesn't believe him, so he says “No you do not know everyone in the whole world.”

Bubba says “Yes I do!”

Bubba's boss says “Well prove it!”

Bubba says...

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister decide to see who’s best at his job.

So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together.

The priest begins. “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the mi...

I got fired from my job today.

It started when I was looking for a job on a streets, and I found a hiring sign for a car wash that was asking for help from Sign Designers. I decided to apply and they accepted me! The Car Wash I was working for was offering wheel cleanings for $4 dollars for the weekend. So I was asked to make a s...

I told my parents about a crazy job I wanted to take for minimum wage.

They said:
That makes absolutely no cents.

My brother has a government job

He gets 42 cents per hour.

I remember staring down at the dead patient, and realising that I had failed my job as a doctor.

I was so scarred by that day that I've never examined a man's prostate since.

I once had a job testing barbells, but I had to quit.

I couldn't handle the pressure.

A rookie carpenter is on his first day of a new job...

The foreman greets him at the job site and tells him his first task will be to nail some sheathing on a roof. The rookie grabs a hammer and nails and gets to work.

The foreman watches the rookie work for a while, and when he's finished he calls him over. The foreman says, "I think your nickna...

Paddy goes for a job at a chemical factory.

Factory Manager: "Have you worked with chemicals before?"

Paddy: "Yes!"

Factory Manager: "Can you tell me what nitrate is?"

Paddy: "I'm hoping it is going to be Time and Half."

My wife quit her job last year...

To pursue a career in, what I can only assume, is a pyramid scheme. I was worried at first because I don't understand how anyone can make money selling *only* fans, but she raked in 100k last year so I guess she's got a knack for it.

Tip for giving a hand job.

Use your head.

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Man goes to a job interview

A man goes to a job interview. The interview is nearing the end and going great when the interviewer asked the man “what do you think your biggest weakness would be?”

Man: “my biggest weakness? Well I guess I’d have to say my honesty.”

Interviewer: “your honesty? I don’t think you bein...

A Photographer was killed on the job.

His photography subjects tried to warn him but apparently a giant wheel of coagulated milk crushed him.

A job interview

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer ...

My friend lost both his jobs today

He was a driver for Amazon but also moonlighted as a stand up comedian. They both fired him for thr same reason too.

They said he needed to work on his delivery.

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The leprechaun and the golfer

A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him.

Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.<...

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Can the mods of this sub do a better job of monitoring who is allowed in here please?!

We have a new member, an elderly woman. She's been privately messaging people, sending them naked pictures of herself in nasty poses along with close ups of her unmentionables. She is offering an Iphone 11 in exchange for sexual favors. I am especially bothered because it turned out to be an Iphone ...

John was in the fertilized egg business.

He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
...

My uncle is mad that he lost his job to an illegal immigrant

It took him forever to find a job that neither requires a third grade education nor a background check.

There was this man in Russia who drove trains for a living.

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but one person died. He went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, ...

Did you hear about the cemetery maintenance man who fell ill on the job?

He's in grave condition

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You can always trust an Asexual to get a job done.

They never fuck around.

What's my job as an editor at a publishing house like?

Well, to cut a long story short.

Why was the mattress happy to be temporarily fired from its job?

It was just happy it wasn’t being laid *on* for a change.

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(NSFW)I'm quitting my job to sell double sided dildos

I hear it's a good way to make ends meet.

A hot girlfriend is like a job

It’s easier to get one once you already have one…

“I love my job!” exclaimed the farmer. “All you do is boss me around all day!” complained one of his sheep. “What did you say?” challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...

“You herd me.”

The Worst Way to Die

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, *"Tell me about the day you died."*

The man said, *"Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was ...

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A man and a woman are working together on a job site

The man realizes he forgot to grab his 2 pound hammer and he and the woman are too far away from each other to understand what either of them are saying, so he tries to signal her.

To represent his need for the 2 pound hammer, he points at his eyes, makes a number 2 with his fingers and a wav...

I absolutely hate my job at the can crushing facility.

It's soda pressing.

Last night I paused the film to make a cup of tea.

I’ve now lost my job at the cinema.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A son ask his dad "Dad, how can I take the next step with my girl? We kissed and all, but I don't know how to proceed... "

His dad answers "Listen to me son, do what I did with your mother. I treated her to a romantic dinner, took her home and brought her to her room. We're there, I look at her, and she looks at me. I look at her she looks at me, I look at her she looks at me, I move her panties away and put it in! " ...

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I got an internship for an insurance company.

My job was to review applications, I would receive a notification that a position was open, receive a stack of applications every day, and be expected to vet them and send the up the line for review.

My first day on the job my boss stepped to the desk I was working at, looked at my stack of a...

I uninstalled Facebook as i got depressed of seeing my friends post their relationship and marriage

I uninstalled LinkedIn as i got depressed of seeing my colleague post their job change and promotion

I uninstalled instagram as i got depressed of seeing my friends travel and enjoy their lives.

But I'll never uninstall reddit because you guys are more miserable than me .

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