The size of the wildlife at construction sites is huge.

I mean, just look at the size of those cranes.

A teddy bear applies for a job at a building site...

... The foreman is a bit surprised, but the teddy bear is quite insistent, so Monday rolls around and the teddy bear is put on the payroll, and issued with a hard hat, a safety jacket, a pick and shovel.

The teddy bear works hard all day, and the foreman is pleasantly surprised. In the evenin...

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What’s JC Denton’s favorite porn site?

Deus xvideos

After seven years and half a million karma I will share the 5 unwritten rules of posting on this site:

1.


2.


3.


4.


5.

What's an Alabaman's favorite dating site?

23andMe

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What do you call an Indian Dating site?

Connect the Dots.



yeah idk don't judge i'm fucking bored

Barry's job was to write articles for a massive online news site run by the mafia...

He absolutely hated his job, but he had to stay because they would kill his family if he left. He had to write articles about the mafia’s crimes, and because the company had all the lawmakers bribed, they were untouchable even though they openly admitted to their crimes.





The ...

I didn't believe when they told me my brother was a construction site thief

But when I got home, the signs were there

There was a construction site

There’s 3 labourers, ready for their morning job.
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Chinese man.

The boss tells the Englishman, when I get back from lunch, I want this pile of dirt moved over there further.

To the Irishman, after he’s moved it, you need to spread the soil.

To ...

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What's the difference between a fitness blog and a porn site?

One's all about proteins, whilst the other is more about amateur teens

What sounds do frogs make on this site?

Reddit! Reddit! Reddit!

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I started a dating site for older people.

OK Boomer

Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.

Paddy says to Murphy, “I’m gonna get the day off. I’m gonna pretend I’ve gone mad!” He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts “I’m a lightbulb, I’m a lightbulb!”

Murphy watches in amazement.

The foreman shouts: “Paddy, go home. You’ve gone mad.”

So Paddy leaves the ...

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I genuinely just copied and pasted this off the weight watchers website

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I just created a web site for English girls who got a sunburn at the nude beach.

It's called Redtit.

I was walking past a building site when the guy hammering the roof called me a "paranoid little weirdo"

In morse code

Why do people hate reposts on this site?

Cause they’ve already reddit!

I didn’t want to believe my friend was stealing from the road construction site.

But I went to his house to confront him and all the signs were there.

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There's a porn site that makes you watch at least 10 minutes of dwarf MILF content before you can access anything else.

That's their bare mini mum.

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A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says… “Hang on! You're a duck!”

"I see your eyes are working.” replies the duck.

"And you can talk!!” exclaims the barman.

"I see your ears are working, too.” says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"C...

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I accidentally clicked an ad for one of those fetish porn sites...

It was fucking shit!

Why is this site named Reddit?

Because the other site really Blueit.

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Roger was very thin because he was afraid to spend a lot of money on food. He looked forward to the day when his grandfather would die and leave him a fortune.

His grandfather was blessed with both a sense of humor and a sense of justice. So he planned that when he finally died all he would leave to Roger was a cookie.

But what a cookie.

It was made with butter, churned from milk from a yak milked by a virginal milkmaid on the highest field o...

I’m starting an online dating site for men who want to meet someone just like their mother.

It’s called Oedipal Arrangements.

Of all the dating sites I've tried, I found the most success on Google.

I just typed in "single girls" and got 49 million matches!

I'm done with dating sites

I'm only dating pizza delivery guys because at least I know they have a car, a job and, pizza

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A man starts a new job on a construction site.

The site is 500 miles away from anybody else but it pays good so he's happy to start. On his first day the foreman is showing him around the job site. Where he will be working, sleeping, and everything else. 


While on tour, the man notices a line of men waiting to go behind a wooden fence...

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Have you ever had sex in a camping site?

It's fucking intense.

You can't run through a camp site.

You can only ran because it's past tents.

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I went on one of them sex sites, and I managed to line up a threesome!

A couple of no-shows but I still had fun

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2 lovers are walking by a grave site when the mood hits them ....

They can't contain themselves and decided to duck into the yard for a little enjoyment of each other. Looking around they decided to head over to one of the flat stones on the ground and do their business. A few days later the woman complained about her lower back hurting, being that she was mainl...

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An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese guy are hired at a construction site.

The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian, "You're in charge of sweeping."

To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shovelling."

And to the Chinese man he says, "You're in charge of supplies."

So the foreman goes away for a couple of hours and when ...

Did you hear that they make a webpage for people who suffer from chronic eye pain?

It’s a site for sore eyes.

Trump is a genius threatening to attack historical cultural sites in Iran

He knows that the Iranians won't find any of these in the US to retaliate

What do you get when you cross a social media site with a Chinese investor?

[redacted]

What kind of lizard would you find on this site?

A karma chameleon.

I shared my opinion on this site.

I regreddit.

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Just been on the web site BIGBUSTYCOONS.COM

Those guys really know how to run bus companies!

I made a web site for older people to hook up.

It's called Carbon Dating.

A big storm pulled my entire back fence out of the ground, I need some help fixing it.

Anybody on this site have experience in reposting?

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Pornhub is now donating money to bee preservation for every video you watch on their new site...

I guess I’m gonna go single-handedly save the bees!

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A hot single woman wants a strong relationship

She makes a post on a dating site saying that she is looking for a nice guy who wont hit her, wont run away, and is good in bed. A week later, her doorbell rings. She opens the door, looks down and sees a guy with no arms and legs in front of her .he lady is confused and asks the guy who is he and w...

If you’ve been on reddit for a while you know theres a serious side, and a fun side to the site.

Both of which you shouldn’t take seriously

An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman are working on a building site...

High above the city, they sit together, eating their lunch as they do every lunchtime.
The Englishman, Arthur, opens his lunchbox and picks out his sandwiches.

"I say! roast beef sandwiches. I'm sick of roast beef sandwiches! If I've got roast beef sandwiches tomorrow, I shall throw myse...

In the year 2045 Elon is tired of importing ice-cream from Earth to the Martian colonies.

The next day he puts a group of dairy cows on a rocket to Mars.

But inter-planetary customs officers make him hold the rocket in orbit while they inspect the cows. Earth leaders don't want to lose the tax revenue from exporting ice-cream and are looking for a reason to reposes his cattle. ...

Whats the difference between a tick and the Eifel tower?

Nothing, they are both Paris sites.

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A woman applies for work at a construction site.

Her skills and recommendations are superb, so the foreman is ready to offer her the job. "We are kinda rough here. And we use body parts in our "sign language" to get around the noise and distance on the site."

"No problem," she replies, "all part of the job."

Soon, the foreman is on...

Earlier today I was working on a new house in town...

I was in charge of the fencing. The construction site was almost finished, and it was only this and the landscaping remaining. I did the first couple posts, but then I went to lunch, and when I came back, they were gone. I did as much as I could until the day ended, and I went home. I came back the ...

Have you heard about the new dating site for elderly people?

They call it Carbon-14.

The Blonde And The Farmacist

**The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on ...

Women on dating sites are so confusing!

They ask for a "genuine guy" then block you when you send.........proof

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"Your one and only job is to supply the miners"

The foreman told the asian man before leaving the job site.

Upon the foreman's return a week later he noticed one of the job site workers lackadaisically lounging in the sun.

"Hey Bob! How are ya? Why arent you workin boy?" said the foreman.

"Im too hungry to work. That chinama...

A Russian, a Mexican, and a Korean all show up to a construction site and get hired.

The boss says that for their first day on the job, the Russian is in charge of concrete, the Mexican is in charge of wood, and the Korean is in charge of supplies.

The boss then leaves and comes back a few hours later to check up on his new workers.

He walks over to the Russian, and al...

Today at the construction site we had an accident. I was hit in the head by a can.

Lucky for me it was a soft drink

Seeking inspiration, a screenwriter goes to the holy place of Golgotha in Jerusalem, believed to be the site of Jesus's crucifixion. Finding a quiet spot, he begins to write. Unfortunately, a group of thieves sneak up behind him, knock him out, and steal his laptop.

Another victim of a cross site scripting attack.

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I signed up to a dating site for men who have sex with fruit.

Their motto was 'Guys who cum in pears, come in pairs'

Three men stop for lunch

Three men stop for lunch on a construction site while working on the 10th floor. The first one, Chang from China says "I am so bored with what I have been having for lunch. If I have noodles again for lunch, I am going to jump off the building" And he opens his lunch to find noodles, and promptly ju...

This is the first time in 5 years of using this site I remembered that it's my cake day. Im using this post to see the little cake emoji on it. That is all. ( included joke to qualify )

A man walks into a bar. He says ow.Thank you.

What do you call a dating site for santas?

The semicolon, it connects independent clauses

A politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and ...

A new business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.

They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, “Rest in Peace.”

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.

After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, “Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather...

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During lunch break on a high rise construction site....

...Dave says, "Hey Daryl tell the crew how you made a fast $50 this morning!"

"It was weird!", says Daryl. "I was on the 23rd floor and bumped a brick off the edge, I immediately yelled out "FALLING BRICK!!!. There was a lady standing at the bus stop below, she heard me, stepped to the side a...

Did you hear about the archeologist who accidentally destroyed his dig site?

His career is in ruins.

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Once upon a midnight dreary

Once upon a midnight dreary,

While I pron surfed,

Weak and weary,

Over many strange and spurious of ‘hot xxx galore’

While I clicked my fav’rite site,

Suddenly there came a warning,

And my heart was filled with a mourning,

Mourning for my dear amo...

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President George Bush was in the Oval Office wondering which country to invade next, when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, President Bush" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Archie, up ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada eh? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well Archie," George replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your ar...

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Went camping last weekend and woke up at three in the morning to the most amazing site of the milky way galaxy.

Where the fuck is my tent?
Sight,fuck

A worker was suspected of stealing

Every day the security guys would check his wheelbarrow when he was leaving the factory site. They never found anything. It took them weeks to realize that he was stealing wheelbarrows.

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I caught my son googling really sketchy porn sites, and I was completely heartbroken.

We are strictly a Bing family.

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A brand new lumberjack is being shown around the work site where he will be felling trees.

The foreman takes him to the barracks, "Here's where you'll be sleeping, son, you have the top bunk over there" and motions to the corner of the room, "Up at 5 a.m., lights out at 10 p.m." The new hire looks at the shabby conditions but thinks he can put up with it for the pay he'll be receiving....

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Porn sites should be .cum not .com

I’m serious. It would help with the disambiguation thing

A woman is deciding between three suitors which one to be with. She says to the three men, "we are still young and inexperienced, go out there and travel around the world, we'll see when you come back."

So the first guy goes to Europe and tours the different countries there.

The second guy goes to Europe, then Asia, then Africa, then Australia and basically goes everywhere.

The third guy doesn't go anywhere.

6 months later they all meet up and the first guy says, "I went to all...

A family goes overseas on a camping holiday

The 2 kids become friendly with a wild skunk. Over the course of the holiday they build up the skunks trust and they are able to handle it, pet it, feed it and play with it. They love the skunk and the skunk loves them.

On the last day of the holiday, the family is packing up their camp site ...

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Duck at a construction site

A duck is working at a construction site as a brick mason.

After work one day the duck decides to walk over to the bar.

He sits down at the bar, turns to the bartender and says, “I’ll have a rum and coke.”

The bartender exclaims, “Woah a talking duck!”

“Yeah, what about ...

As the foreman was inspecting the workmen on site, he was surprised to find one worker hanging from a rope in the middle of the room repeating, "I'm a chandelier, I'm a chandelier."

The foreman gives him a stern talking-to as the other men watch, and then orders him back to work.

During his next inspection of the same room, again the worker is hanging from the rope doing exactly what he was told not to.

Furious at his disobedience the foreman fires him on the spot...

Strong Young Man

A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, the older worker had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I...

A dude goes for a job on a building site. The Forman asks him...

"The two criteria for this job," he begins "can you make a pot of tea?"


"Sure. When I make tea it's the world's greatest."

"Can you drive a forklift?" Asks the Forman

"£UCKING...HELL! How big is the teapot?!"

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Bill is laying bricks on the 20th floor of a construction site

When he accidentally knocked a brick, causing it to fall off the edge!
He quickly yelled out "Falling Brick!"

Looking down, he notices that a rather well-dressed businessman has stepped out of the way of the brick and is making his way up to him. "You saved my life mate, here's $100" sai...

There is a new site for senior citizen dating.

Its called "I've fallen in love and I can't get up."

an american tourist visits dublin.....

An American tourist was in Dublin for the first time. He was driving his rent-a-car through the north inner-city and wanting to walk into town to see some sites, he pulled up at the side of a kerb.

Being a tourist, he wasn't 100% sure if he was allowed to park there, so he got out of the car ...

3 men on construction site

3 men are on a construction site of a highrise during lunch

1st guy opens up his lunch box and sees a ham sandwich. He says "ham ham ham that's all I get. If I get another ham sandwich I'm jumping off this building and killing myself."

2nd guy opens up his lunch box and sees a turkey ...

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My friend told me recently that she had to delete her dating site profile

She told me she had been getting too many requests from law enforcement officers on there. I asked her how many she had gotten, and she replied "today was the 11th one". I looked at her funny, and said "11's not really a big number. Why stop at 11?"

She answered "because i refuse to Fuck 12"

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A duck walks in to a bar..

A duck walks into a bar, looks up at the bar tender and says "I'll have a beer".

The bartender says "Hey, a talking duck!!! Where did you come from!?"

The duck says "I'm working the construction site across the street".

And the bartender says, "Well what are you doing, workin...

I'm starting a business that is half bowling alley and half safe injection site.

It's going to be called "Pins & Needles".

I got banned from a Christian dating site

I suppose "hung like Jesus" *was* a poor choice for a username.

With the number of reposts on this site

"Reddit" is a pretty accurate name

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I prefer illegally downloading bangbros videos over watching free sites.

It feels more like I'm the one fucking the porn stars.

A time traveler comes back from the year 2045

I encountered a time traveler today. During my self isolation he came to the door dressed in a hazmat suit. I was of course alarmed when I opened the door to such a site. He quickly explained who he was and asked if he could have just a few minutes of my time. I didn't believe anything he was sa...

The foreman at my bridge construction site is always rushing things. But when I got the beams set ahead of schedule he didn't believe me.

Nobody expects the span is in position.

My wife told me I spend too much time on Reddit.

She told me that she’s going to slam my head into the keyboard the next time she catches me on this site.

I told her I’m the King of the Castle. I’m the man. I’m th mdjsinxnsks xnxn an . Kfizkn, xnxk’cj’O&:9m
&:&ndjchsnapn :!.kskn !&/9nmsosk/ raeqbsn

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There's a new helper on a construction site.

As he has very little experience, he is given to a mean old fitter. All day long the old fitter is, pick up the crap, bring me my wrench, and the kid gets fed up and said "what makes you so special, why you have to tell me what to do all the time?" The fitter says, "because I am smarter than you", "...

Do you want to hear a construction site joke?

I'm working on it

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What's the world coming to? I'm now under investigation just for wolf-whistling at attractive girls who walk past the building site....

Fuck knows who's going to fix that schools roof now.

So an Irishman, a Mexican, and a Blond are sitting down for lunch at their construction site....

The Irishman opens his pail and says, "CORNED BEEF! My wife always makes me corned beef....If she makes it tomorrow, I'm gonna jump off the platform and kill myself." The mexican open his lunch pail saying, "Tacos... my wife always makes tacos. If she makes it again I'll kill myself too." The blond ...

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So I've heard google are planning to make a porn site...

It's called Google Faps.

Famous people and their mothers

*Issac Newton's mother--* "But did you wash the apple before eating it?"

*Archimedes's mother--* "Didn't you have any shame running naked in the street from? And, WHO is this girl Eureka???”

*Thomas Edison's mother--* Of course I am proud that you invented the electric bulb. Now tu...

A man is in court. The Judges says,"on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?"

"Guilty", said the man in the dock. At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "You dirty rat!" The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise. The Judge continued "..... and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by bea...

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Did you hear that Virginia's Governor and First Lady actually met on a dating web site?

It was called OKKKCupid.

What do You call a crowdfunding site for cannibalistic monsters?

Windigogo!

Four guys were working on a construction site

They were talking about life and one of them misstepped on the scaffolding, fell from the fourth floor, hit his head and died on the spot.

His friends were all shaken. They called 911, took all legal actions they should and their friend's body was removed.

One of them, noticing they fa...

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3 guys having lunch on a high rise construction site.

As they open their lunchboxes

1st guy says. Bologna sandwich again! If my wife packs me another bologna sandwich tomorrow I'm jumping off this high rise and killing myself.

2nd guy opens his lunch up. Ham and cheese again! If my wife packs me this lunch again I'll jump with ya!
...

Jungle Drums

An anthropologist went to study a far-flung tropical island. He found a guide with a canoe to take him upriver to the remote site where he would make his observations. About noon on the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums. The anthropologist asked his guide, "What are those dr...

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Why do porn sites have a share to Google+ option?!

I don't want my friends knowing i use Google+

Three young friends, seeking a fortune, adventure together to Egypt where a new pyramid has been discovered.

Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavated. The friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never before used.

It is through this entrance that they find a secret passageway, one that is made at...

John Oliver have created few years back the site where you can "Scream something into the void". Sadly that site is now deleted, but I have found an alternative.

It's called the customer support.

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Wedding night (slightly offensive to kangaroos)

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been (sexually) with another woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides make a profile on a dating site.

She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entir...

A man worked at construction site...

...and is brought to emergency room with concussion and skull fracture.

His wife, furious, comes to hospital.

"What happened?!"

"Well, I yelled: "John, throw me the hammer!"..."

"And then what?! You didn't catch it?"

"In matter of fact *I did*. But then I remember...

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