This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"



The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"



The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.



When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.


...

Late one night a police officer was patrolling a desolate area popular with young couples doing more than just sitting in the dark.

Catching his attention was a couple in a car with the interior light on. Moving closer, the cop could see a young man behind the steering wheel reading a newspaper. In the backseat a young blonde was knitting.

The lawman walked up to the vehicle and knocked on the driver-side window. The star...

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A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange

:Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. It was revoked when I got my 5th DWI.

Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of...

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'...

Somebody stole my Microsoft office, and they're going to pay.

You have my word.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walked into his doctor's office...

...complaining that he thinks he might have a tapeworm. The doctor made a physical examination and listened to the symptoms, and concurred with the self-diagnosis.

"I want you to come back tomorrow to start treatment. And bring an apple, and an orange and a Mars Bar" said the doctor.

D...

The opposite of Microsoft Office is...

Macrohard Onfire.

Working at an unemployment office must be so tense.

Even if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.

Eric is looking for a new desk for his office and he spots one that looks perfect in an antique shop window. He goes inside and asks the shopkeeper how much it is.

“That desk is going for £2000,” says the shopkeeper.

“$2000 for an old desk? That’s outrageous!” exclaims Eric.

“Ah,” says the shopkeeper, “but this is a magic desk.” He turns to the desk and asks, “Desk, how much money do I have in my pocket?”

The desk taps one of its legs on t...

What does the president do when he finds a fly in his office?

He calls in the SWAT team!

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office.

Fifteen minutes later my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

I was in a line at my local post office this morning when

two masked men entered.

TOTAL PANIC.

Then they said...this is a robbery.


We all calmed down

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An employee was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and
important document here and my Secretary has gone for
the night. Can you make this thing work?"

“Certainly,” said the employee. He turned the machine
on, inserted the paper and pressed the start button.
“Excellent, excellent!” ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A student visits the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, “What’s your name, son?” He replies: “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The principal looks up and asks him, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”

The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter and the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”

A soldier runs up a hill and around a corner before slamming into an officer.

“Where do you think you’re going, son?”
“Sorry, Captain! It’s crazy out there and the firefight was so heavy. I got scare and tried to go AWOL.”
“Who you calling “Captain?” I’m a general!”
“Wow!” exclaimed the soldier. “I didn’t realized I’d run that far back.”

[At parole hearing] Officer: Why should you be released early?

Man: I’m ..

Officer: Go on.

Man: I think...

Officer: Yes?

Man: Can I please finish my sentence?

Officer: Sure. Parole denied.

Mike Pence walked in to the Oval Office earlier with some bad news for President Trump.

"Mr. President, unfortunately 3 Brazilian tourists in New York have been diagnosed with coronavirus."


"That's terrible!", exclaimed Trump. "What are we going to do?!"


"Wait...how many is a Brazilian again?"

I just won a reward for most secretive person in the office.

I can't tell you how much that means to me.

I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper.

I think he must be plotting something.

How many police officers does it take to change a light bulb?

None they just beat the room for being black

I took my 8-year-old to the office on ...

I took my 8-year-old to the office on Take Your Child to Work Day. As we were walking around,she started crying and getting very cranky,so I asked her what was wrong. As my coworkers gathered around,she sobbed "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?"

A Blonde working in an office...

she glanced out the window and noticed a car , towing a small rowboat parking beside an empty field. She thought nothing of it and continued to work.

She looked out again towards the field and seen a blonde woman getting out of the car, removing the boat and dragging it into the field. "What ...

My boss said, “Why are all the women in your office crying?”

I said, “You told me to bang some heads together.”

He said, “Talk about taking things too literally!”

So I went ahead and gave a two hour lecture on taking things too literally.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Office..

My boss called this morning and shouted,

“Where the fuck are you? It’s 8:30 and you were supposed to start at 8.”

“Relax, I’m in my office.” I replied.

“Quit the shit!” he roared. “I’m standing in your office.”

So I went, “Oh, sorry mate, I forgot to tell you about my new...

A man who needs legal help goes to a lawyer’s office

After being escorted inside, he sits across the desk from the lawyer. The man needs legal help, but he wants to make sure he can afford it first. “Can you tell me how much you charge?” he asks.

“Of course,” the lawyer replies, “I charge $800 to answer three questions.”

“Don’t you think...

Bill, Donald, and George are out playing golf and discussing the peculiarities of the office.

George starts talking about all the bills he was able to sign at the presidential desk in the oval office and Trump smiles at him and slaps his back. " I got that beat George, the party has turned it into an altar now, they would follow me to hell and back."

Trump gets his club out as he is r...

A man came into a doctor's office with a hacking up a lung, coughing up gobs of mucous into a handkerchief.

The staff tried to find out what was wrong and get more info from the man but he was clearly speaking a foreign language and no one could seem to identify what it was. A nurse happened to walk by the man and heard what was going on. She immediately got on her phone and soon a translator was at the m...

A guy bursts into a psychiatrist’s office wearing nothing but saran wrap underwear.

The doctor takes one look at him and says, “Well, I can clearly see your nuts.”

Future Employer: How good are your Microsoft Office Skills?

Me: Mark my word, I excel in it. Just give me access to it and I'll show you all the powerpoints.





(pls don't bully if it is a dumb joke, first post here)

A psychiatrist's secretary walked into his office and said, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he's invisible."

The psychiatrist replied, “tell him I can’t see him.”

I just upgraded the office network after-hours and left home for the day. I haven't heard anything from the employees who started work this morning.

I guess you could say I've created Schrödinger's network - until I go there I won't know whether everything's working, or if they're cut off from the outside world.

A man goes into his bosses office

Man: I was just checking in to see if I could get the day off to help my wife do the yearly christmas cleaning?

Boss: Absolutely not.

Man: Thank you so much, I knew I could count on you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to the doctor’s office this Tuesday

He said, “Listen, you gotta stop masturbating...”

I asked him: “why’s that?”

“Because you’re at the doctor’s office.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Wendy's manager named Kenney was sitting on his ass in the office during a shorthanded lunch rush, surfing Reddit.

YOU'RE THE JOKE, KENNEY. I CAN SEE YOU. EVERYONE CAN SEE YOU. GET OFF /R/MILF AND GET OUT HERE.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into the doctor's office with a piece of lettuce hanging out of his ass

The doc takes one look and he says, "Jeeze, it looks like we have one heck of a problem here." The guy responds "this is just the tip of the iceberg."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You want to arrest me for nudity, officer?

Then you shouldn't expect me to cum quietly.

A man goes in to the doctor's office to cancel an appointment.

Lady at the desk tells him that it's a $200 charge for cancelling without one week notice.

Guy asks how much does it cost to reschedule and the lady says it's free.

"Ok so I need to reschedule for two weeks out"

"Is three weeks ok?"

"Perfect"

"Alright, you're set f...

A police officer knocked on my door around 8 last night to tell me it looks like my wife has been hit by a truck.

I explained that I agree, but she is a great mother, and is super nice.

A military function is being held where all officers of the Army, Navy and the Air force are present.

The Army and Navy officers were describing the Air force as the Cinderella of the military.

To this, the Air force officer replied" I don't know a lot about Cinderella except the fact that she had two ugly sisters".

A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer.

The Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."
Man: "No sir, I was going 60."
Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80."


Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."
Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!"
...

What do you call Jim from The Office rolling down a hill?

A tuna roll

An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs.

The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."

At the doctors office...

Doctor: Your physical results came in. Dont eat anything fatty.

Man: What like Burgers, bacon, fast food?

Doctor: No fatty, dont eat anything.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I caught my Boss having sex with his secretary in his office

"Close the door!" he said angrily.

"Can't you see that we are having a debriefing!".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is sitting at the doctor's office.

The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. "Why?" "Because," the doctor says. "I'm trying to examine you."

What’s the difference between a police officer and a 100m sprinter

Sprinters rarely beat the black guys

A man wearing only saran wrap walks into a psychologist's office...

...and tells the psychologist he needs help. The psychologist, shocked, answered, "Sir, I agree. Even from here I can clearly see your nuts."

Fishes just finished it's box office run

It flopped.

An officer and a lawyer were having a discussion in court.

Lawyer: "A woman shot her husband because he stepped on her freshly mopped floor."

Officer: "That is correct."

Lawyer: "Officer, can you explain why it took you 20 minutes to arrest the woman once you got there?"

Officer: "The floor was still wet."

I was feeling bad about the future today, but then I installed the new version of office.

It improved my outlook.

A man runs into a doctor's office, shouting "Doc, I need your help!"

The doctor asks what's wrong, the guy says "I think I'm a moth".

The doctor says "Sir, I'm a dentist, you need a psychiatrist. Why did you come in here?"

"The light was on."

US Presidents have been impeached before, but Trump may be the first to be forcefully removed from office.

To remove him would be unpresidented.

I walked into the doctor's office the other day.

He told me to sit down; I obliged.

He then told me to pick a star sign, any star sign, which was slightly weird but I obliged.

"Capricorn!" I exclaimed until he quickly responded with:

"Nah you have cancer!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is.

All his professionallism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off...

But Officer, I would never drink alcohol while driving!

I only drink when I'm stopped at a red light.

A man walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He replied: “Shingles.”

So she wrote down his name, address and phone number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse came out and asked the man what he had. The man said: “Shingles!"

So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told him to wait in the examining room....

Why was the journalist crumpled up on the office floor in tears?

Because the editor removed his colon.

A man took his 6-year-old daughter to his office on 'Take your kid to work day'

As they walked around the office, the girl turned visibly upset and soon started crying. Her father asked her what was wrong

As everyone gathered around, she sobbed "Daddy, I'm getting bored walking around the office. Please show me those clowns you said you work with"

How many conservation officers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Change?! What do you mean, "change"?

(Credit Grand Designs)

A junior in office dialled his boss's extension by mistake

A junior in office dialled his boss's extension by mistake & said: "Hey, send a coffee in my cabin in 2 minutes."

Boss (shouting): "Do you know who you are talking to?"

Junior: "No!"

Boss: "I'm the BOSS!"

Junior (in same tone): "Do you know who you are talking to?"...

Mike walked into a Post Office just before Valentine’s Day

He couldn’t help noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.  Then the man got out a bottle of Channel perfume from his pocket and started spraying scent over the envelopes.

By now Mike’s curiosity had got...

If Adam Sandler was an informant for the CIA, what would you call his case officer?

Adam's handler

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy takes up a new job.

On Monday he calls in and says, ‘I can’t come in today, I’m sick.’ He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, ‘I can’t come in today, I’m sick.’

The boss asks the foreman about him and he replies, ‘He’s great. He does the work of two men. We need him.’
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three pregnant women are sitting in the waiting room of a doctor's office, knitting to pass the time.

The first one pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and take one. The other two ask what it was.

She says, "Calcium. Strong bones for baby and mommy!"

Satisfied, they all return to their knitting.

A few minutes later, the second one pulls out a bottle of pills and takes one. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A military officer by the name of Major Bed had arrived in Thailand for an undercover job...

For the job to be an utmost success, he needed to get plastic surgery to change his identity a bit as well as a new ID. He found a renowned doctor who also made fake ID's and made an appointment for the next day.

After he made the appointment, he had the full day to fuck around so he decided ...

A police officer was brought to the stand to testify on behalf of his partner who was accused of making a wrongful arrest.

“Your honor,” the cop began “my partner on duty has always been my closest friend and my most trustworthy work associate. I trust this man with my life and I believe that speaks volumes for his character.”

“Objection, your honor!” Said the plaintiff’s lawyer.

“Sustained,” said the judg...

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Will Mayor Pete’s campaign office be phoning voters

By making Butti calls?

A police officer called into the station from his squad car.

"I have a homicide here," he says. "A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped." " Have you arrested her?" asks the sergeant. "No, not yet. The floor's still wet."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An unkempt teenager with his pants hanging half off his bottom walked into the local welfare office to pick up his welfare payment.

He marched up to the counter and said,

"Hi. You know, I just H A T E drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We Just got a job ope...

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There was a man who worked for the Post Office

... whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.
The letter read:
Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small p...

Heisenberg gets pulled over by a cop on his way to work. The officer approaches his window and says "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?"

"No, but I know where I am"

A Blonde Woman Asks For A $5000 Loan

A blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan.

The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"

The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce."

The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Ro...

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A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you."

The man replies, "Boobs!"

A local business owner was looking for office help.

The owner put a sign in the window that read: “Help wanted. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer, and must be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer.”

A short time later, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign, and went inside.
After going inside, the dog looke...

A priest walks in to his stock broker’s office. When their business is concluded, the broker sighs and says, “Father, I must confess for I have sinned. I once cheated on my wife.” The priest nods his head and says, “there’s nothing I can do here, we will have to step outside.”

Confused, but eager to get it off his chest, the broker leads him to the door. As soon as they pass through the exit, the priest says, “Don’t worry, my son. Say three Hail Marys and don’t do it again.” The broker is relieved, but also curious. “Father, why couldn’t we do this in my office?”
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Adolf Hitler is discussing plans to invade the Soviet Union with his officers. In order to save cost, Hitler doesn’t want to supply rain gear. He asks his senior officer, “Is it still snowing there”

The senior officer replies, “It’s just a little hail, Hitler.”

A man telephoned an airline office in New York and asked, "How long does it take to fly to Boston?" The clerk said, "Just a minute..."

"Thank you," the man said and hung up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) Guy walks into the Doctors Office and says....

"DDDDDoc, I've beeeeen stutttttttering for yeeears, and IIII'm tired of it. Cccccan yyyou helllp me?"

The doc says, "Well, I'll have to examine you to see what's going on." So he examines him, and says, "Well I think I know what the problem is.

The guy says, "Weeell wwwhat is it, dddoc...

Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?”

pulls out mirror and say: "Yes, it's me.”

As a security guard, my Boss said my job is to watch the office

I’m on season 6 so far, and not sure what this has to do with security.

A blonde's office computer had technical issues

IT support came over to the desk and said he needed password to access her account.

"It's 'MickeyMinnieBatmanSupergirlWonderwomanLondon'" she replied.

"A bit unusual for a password, how did you come up with it?" the support dude asked.

She went "Because computer said the passwor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did a sexy but unqualified Japanese woman get voted into public office?

Erections.

An officer running a speed trap stops a car on the interstate for going dangerously slow.

He walks up to the car and sees two very old women. The driver with very thick glasses, and one very pale, wide eyed passenger.

"Ma'am I have to tell you, it's very dangerous going so slow on an interstate."

"What do you mean too slow? The speed limit is 10" as she points to a sign. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was sitting in my office...

I was sitting in my office when a case came in. So I finished two bottles from it. I was tough, so tough I wore my clothes out from the inside.

Suddenly a tall blonde walked past my window. I knew she was tall because I was on the second floor.

The phone rang and I knew something was w...

In office we were discussing the suspense account.

I inquired about the thriller account.

TBH I don't know if I'm getting fired or not.

“Officer, where do the hackers go?”

“I don’t know, they ransomware.”

If Rammstein had been office workers,

Would their lyrics have been

Do,

Do not,

Do not reply all,

Do not reply all,

Do not reply all,

Or I will take your soul?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man walks into a Dr.’s office with a duck on his head. Dr. says, “May I help you?”

Duck says, “Yeah – get this guy off my butt!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

6 life lessons

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sherlock Holmes is looking for evidence at a crime scene with another officer.

Sherlock: I heard the suspect fed the victim an excessive amount of laxatives. Tell me if you find any feces in the area.

*30 minutes later, the office comes back empty handed *

Sherlock: So you didn’t find any?

Officer: No shit, Sherlock.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

That's how the fight got started...

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A police officer sees an old lady dragging two large garbage bags down the sidewalk...

He takes a closer look and sees that one of the bags has a small tear in it and $20 bills are escaping from the hole every few yards. The officer approaches the lady and asks what's in the bags. "This one's filled with $20 bills", she replies. "Where did you get all that money?", the policeman enqui...

"Hello. Is this the Sheriff's office?"

Floyd: "Hello. Is this the Sheriff's office?"

Sheriff: "Yes."

Floyd: "I'm calling to report about my neighbor, Virgil Smith. He's hiding marijuana in his firewood! I don't know how he gets in in the logs, but he's hiding it!"

Sheriff: "Thank you very much for the call, sir."
...

An Aurora Colorado police officer walks into a bar...

Just kidding he was black out drunk and passed out in his car instead.

A space bar walks into a psychiatrist’s office and says "You gotta help me, Doc!"

The doctor replies, "What seems to be the problem?"

"I constantly feel depressed."

The Nurse Asked My Family's Medical History Today at the Doc's Office

Nurse: "Do you have siblings?"

Me: "Yes, a younger brother.

Nurse: "Does he have any medical issues?"

Me: "He broke his finger on his right hand hitting someone in a bar fight."

Nurse: "Oh, okay. Anything else?"

Me: "He's battl...

I was pulled over last night and the officer asked me if I had a police record.

I told him “no but I have a couple albums by Sting.

I think Harry Potter would fit in well working at the post office...

Apparently he's got the rare gift of being able to speak Parceltongue.

What sound did the Boeing CEO make when he was tossed out of his office?

*BOEING*

As an immigration officer, I might not always agree with you.

But I can see where you are coming from...

Funny office trends

People putting names on food in the fridge.

Today I had a tuna sandwich called Linda.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to work for Disney, but their offices were always so hot during the summer.

I guess they don't give a shit about fans.

Joe Biden recently said his kid's won't have offices in the white house.

Mainly because he also won't have an office in the white house.

Never get stuck behind the devil in a Post Office queue

For the devil can take many forms

Donald Trump’s last words in office:

« I’m not Orange, Impeached. »

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus.

They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his hea...

A man gets pulled over by the police...

A man was stopped by the police around 2 am. The officer asked him where he was going at that time of night.

The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then aske...

What do police officers and women have in common?

Their careers will advance quickly if they have big busts!

A naked man walks into his psychiatrist's office

and the doctor says “I used to think you were crazy, now I see you’re nuts.”

A young boy comes running down the street looking for a cop. He finds one and then begs "Please, officer, come back to the bar with me, my father's in a fight." Well, they get back to the bar and there's three guys fighting like you wouldn't believe.

After a while the cop turns to the kid and says "Okay, which one's your father."

The kid looks up at the cop and says, "I don't know, officer, that's what they're fighting about."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year is 1939, and the USSR is invading Finland.

The Soviet army is marching through the Finnish swamps when they hear shouting from the other side of a nearby hill:

"I bet one Finn can beat ten Soviets!"

The Soviet officer laughs at this and sends ten of his best soldiers to deal with this guy. After a couple of minutes of shooting ...

The GP calls Jeffrey into his office.

Jeffrey says: ‘I slept with my girlfriend’s sister and I’m afraid I have an STD.’

‘Don’t worry’ says the doctor ‘we all make mistakes.’

Yeah I know but that’s not the biggest problem, I think I passed on to my girlfriend.’

‘Dammit so now we all have it!!’

Putin calls the head of a Russian space program to his office:

*Putin* - We need to increase prestige of motherland! Send a man to the Sun!
*Head of space program* - Ummm, but Sun is a star mine president... it’s burning and they will burn to death there!
*Putin* - Do you think I’m an idiot?! Launch them at night!

A mother and her daughter went to the doctor's office...

The mother asked her doctor to examine her daughter.

"She has been having some strange symptoms and I'm worried about her" the mother said.

The doctor examined the daughter carefully. Then he announced,"Madam, I believe your daughter is pregnant."

The mother gasped,"That's nonse...

But Officer...

One Sunday, sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car...

A cop stops a Harley for travelling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name

'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a
break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then
presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a Police Officer and God have in common?

Both scare the shit out of you, even though they shouldn't.

A patient is at the doctors office and the doctor tells him he has bad news and worst news

Patient: Alright doc give me the bad news

Doctor: Unfortunately you have AIDS

Patient: That’s terrible news, I can’t believe it. What could the worst news possibly be

Doctor: Well the worst news is you have Alzheimers

Patient: That’s unbelievable doc, you were right t...

A police officer finds some drugs...

Officer: Sir, we got 100g of cocaine.

Senior: How many grams did you say?

Officer: 50g of cocaine.

Senior: Wait, didn't you just say 100 grams?

Officer: I meant 15g of cocaine.

Senior: So is it 100 or 50 or 15g of cocaine?

Officer: What cocaine?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the police officer paint his penis black?

So he could beat it at work without penalty.

One night, a Boston police officer knocked on a woman's door.

"Ma'am", he said, removing his hat, "I'm here about your husband. We have bad and good news".

"Please, give me the bad news first", the woman replies.

The officer replied: "I'm sorry, but somone stabbed your husband, cut his skin off and threw his corpse in the harbor."

The woma...

A blonde got tired of blonde jokes...

One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last ni...

I got early to the office and switched the letters N and M in some keyboards, some will say I'm a monster...

But others will say I'm a nomster

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Soviet Premier Brezhnev, as is his habit, looks out the window of his Kremlin office at the morning sun.

"Good morning, Comrade sun" he says. The sun answers, "Good morning, Comrade Premier."

About noon Brezhnev looks up through the skylight and says, "Good day, Comrade sun." The sun dutifully answers "Good day, Comrade Premier."

In the afternoon Brezhnev peers out his window at the set...

Saw an office sign the other day, it said Ditcher, Quick & Hyde...

...Divorce lawyers

For the 10th year in a row, my coworkers voted me “the most secretive guy” in the office.

I can’t tell you how much this award means to me.

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