A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?" ...

Depressing pickup lines.

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you a toaster?
Because I really want to take a bath with you.

Are you a noose?
Because I really want to hang with you.

Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me.

Are you anti-...

I’m gonna go ahead and make a racist comment by saying..

I think the 400m relay is a better race than the 100m sprint.

Click here to get rickrolled

>!You!< >!probably!< >!expected!< >!a!< >!rickroll,!< >!but!< >!NOBODY!< >!EXPECTS!< >!THE!< >!SPANISH!< >!INQUISITION!<

Thanks for all the upvotes! As long as the majority of you liked this i can ignore any critic in the comme...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sick of all the comments I get when I wear my daisy dukes..

“Why are your legs so hairy” and “Sir, your penis is hanging out”

6 was afraid of 7 because 789. But why did 7 eat 9?

Because he needed 3² meals a day.

No matter what you think of the celebrities commenting on how we handle the current crisis, you should ALWAYS listen to music producers.

They give sound advice.

In exactly 3030 years, there's a chance things could be really good, and theres a chance things could be really bad

I guess it will be 5050



I feel like I can always tell when there’s an Australian commenting on my Reddit posts.

Have you ever... ever felt like this?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Using one ply toilet paper is like reading mean Reddit comments.

Found the asshole.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Reddit user, a Reddit user, and a Reddit user walk into a bar.

The first one orders a coke. Five minutes later the second one orders a coke and the whole bar starts cheering, another five minutes later the third one orders a coke and the whole city erupts in thunderous applause.

Edit: whoever wasted money on giving me silver, I'd like you to know that I'...

My grandfather died while commenting on a Facebook post

I’ll not see the likes of him again

Believe it or not, I started my day the same way nerds start their responses in reddit comments.

Well actually

What did the back-then USA president commented about the USSR during a press conference at the mere start of the Cold War?

"If those reds wanna be commies, then **SO BE IT**"



My first actual english joke-pun, please don't be harsh xD

So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "Caution, I'm a maneater". I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "Excuse me, Miss...about your shirt."

She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted, "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat and how I actually eat men. I can't help my weight you know. I have feelings too and your comments can really hurt."

I looked at her, confused and said,"That'...

When a guy walks into a room full of other guys he usually comments on how its a sausage fest...

So I wonder do girls walk into a room full of girls and comment on how its a fish fest or total clam jam?

How do you know if a person is sad and bored af?

You'll probably see one in the comment section.

Me [45M] and my boyfriend [18M] went out. We got nasty looks, comments and derision thrown at us all day.

It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

Jussie Smollett has made some scathing comments on the new indictments against him.

According to him, it’s all based on fake noose.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four older gentlemen are out golfing, sharing about their lives and eventually the topic of their children's professional success is brought up. The first guy steps up, hurriedly takes his shot, wiffs the ball off into the woods, and starts walking to find his ball without saying a word...

The second man steps up to take his shot and confidently reports, "My son is doing pretty well. He's just been promoted to manager of the car dealership he works at. In fact, he's doing so well gave the last lady he was seeing a brand new sports car." Then he takes takes a swing and drives the ball ...

How do you know your comment ruined someones joke?

\[deleted\]

I'd post a joke about a Cow but...

I'm sure you guys would Milk it in the comments.

Answer in comments

What’s the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

My ex still misses me

But her aim is getting better.



comment if u know where that is from

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