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My favourite sex position is called "WOW" ...

It's where I flip your MOM over

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The FBI had an open position for an assassin

**The FBI had an open position for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you wil...

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What sex position is banned in Alabama?

Doggy style.

Never turn your back on family.

The head of human resources is interviewing a potential candidate for the open position of corporate attorney.

“Would you consider yourself an honest lawyer?” the HR person asks in the interview.

​

“Honest?” the lawyer responds. “Let me tell you how honest I am. My father sold everything he had to put me through law school. After my very first case, I paid him back in full.”

&...

Eventually, Quasimodo dies and the Bishop immediately decides to hold auditions for the position of Notre Dame's bellringer.

After all, nobody lives forever. The bishop posted flyers all over Paris and the French countryside in the hopes that somebody, anybody could be half as good as Quasimodo was.

At the end of the day after a long week of holding auditions for disappointment after disappointment, the Bishop i...

He proposed marriage, because she promised she will make him try different positions

Now he is a husband, a driver, a cook, a gardener and a plumber.

My mom used to tell me not to laugh at other's condition because we may be in their position one day.

So I laugh at Bill Gates' condition everyday.

What's my favourite position you ask?

Behind someone...

With clear handwriting in the exam hall obviously.

TIL the Reverse Cowgirl position is frowned upon in West Virginia.

It just ain't right turning your back on family.

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** Two mathmeticians deciding about sex positions **

"Wanna be numerator or denominator?"

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An asthmatic flea gets assigned a new job position

They assign her to work on Jack's moustache.

She goes to work one day, then the next, but after a while she can't take it anymore and goes to complain to her boss.

"You know," - she says. - "I love the job and all, but I have asthma and Jack is a smoker, so I can't work there anymore."...

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.

The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools, your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and w...

A salesman position

(English is not my mother language so ignore any grammatical mistakes) :)

A guy is interviewed for a salesman position, the interviewer asks the guy to take his laptop saying "let's see if you can convince me to buy this laptop, I want you to walk in again thinking of me as a customer."...

I signed up for a soccer team and they asked me my favorite position.

I told them missionary style but lately I've had a hard time scoring.

A navy captain is alerted that a pirate ship is coming towards his position

He asks a sailor to get him his red shirt.

The sailor asked, “Why do you need a red shirt?”

The Captain replies, “So that when I bleed, you guys don’t notice and aren’t discouraged.” They fight off the pirates eventually.

The very next day, the Captain is alerted that 50 pirate ...

What does a pulley like best about its position?

Being the center of a tension.

New position

I was watching tv when my wife called out to me from the kitchen and asked if I might want to try a new position. I yelled back "hell yeah"!

So she replied "Fantastic , so you come stand at this sink, and i will lay on the couch"

Next time you are with your girl try this new position.

It's called the bucking bronco. It's where you go doggy style then lean over and whisper another girls name in her ear and see how long you can stay on...

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How much does it cost to have sex with a male deer in the missionary position?

Under a buck

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So which sexual position produces the ugliest baby?

I don’t know! Go ask your fucking mother!

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My favorite sex position is the JFK:

I spray all over her while she screams and tries to jump out of the car.

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My wive’s favorite sex position is the missionary

That’s when she’s laying down on her back, legs spread open & I’m in Africa.

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What’s a dyscalculic’s favourite sexual position?

96, of course!

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We had an open position with 60 applicants. I said, "I don't have time to review all these resumes. Just hire the one with the biggest tits!"

Larry starts Monday.

A matematician, a philosopher and an accountant are applying for an important position within a prestigious company

During the interview the CEO askes each of them a simple question: how much is 2+2?

The matematician: Definitely 4, no doubt about it!

The philosopher: The answer in itself is not important, what matters is why did the question manifest itself.

The accountant, leaning forward an...

My violin tutor told me my fingering was good but my positions could be better.

And then we started the lesson.

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Did you hear about the joke about ideas for sex positions?

Never mind, it’s too suggestive.

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What's Ronald McDonald's favorite sex position?

The Cooter Pounder.

You can tell a woman likes you by the position of her ankles

..if her ankles are behind her ears, then she really likes you!

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3 guys are in the running for a position as a field agent for the CIA.

(This is long and on mobile, hope you enjoy)

For the final test the supervising agent picks up the first guy from his house and after driving around for a while and arriving at their destination, the first guy looks up and asks what is going on because they were back where they started, in t...

Worker- Can I get a raise? Boss- Because of the fluctuational predisposition of your position's productive capacity as juxtaposed to the industry standards, it would be monetarily injudicious to advocate an increment.

Worker- I don't get it !

Boss- That's right.

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My favorite sex position is call the wow....

Its where you and 39 other buddies get together and send everything you got at one poor person for 2 hours

Despite having no qualifications for such a position, we hired an impoverished prostitute to become our son's math tutor.

It's the thot that counts.

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In Feudal Japan, there was a system that determined who sat in the highly favored front position of carts.

You had to call Shogun.

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My favorite sex position.

So me and my girl were talking about previous lovers and what our favorite sex position was in our last relationship as well as our ex's favorite. So she went first and said that her ex-boyfriend's favorite position was doggy-style because he could grab her by her hips and really get in deep. She sa...

AN UGLY POSITION

Q: What's the position to make ugly babies?

A: Idk, ask your parents.

So why do you think you qualify for this interrogation position?

Me: I posses expert knowledge on this topic that allows me to always discover the truth.

Interviewer: And what is that knowledge?

Me: Look at the hips

Interviewer: Why would that help?

Me: Hips don't lie

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What sex position makes the ugliest babies?

Your mom didn't warn you?

[OC] Which football position does a very mean stick figure play?

Offensive Line Man.






Looking for some wording help on this dad joke. Another alternative I thought of has to do with a stick figure that has a shield, with the punch line being “Defensive Line Man”

A guy applies for a position as a lumberjack

The interviewer asks him, “So where did you work previously?”

He answers, “The Saharan Forest.”

“Saharan Forest? Don’t you mean the Saharan Desert?”

“Yes, I suppose that’s what they’d call it now.”

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My wife and I tried this amazing new sex position today

It’s called “me alone in the bathroom with my phone”

Position matters most

Three pregnant women are at a clinic having a chat about their future children.

The redhead says "i was on top so I'm having a girl!"

The brunette replies with "I was on the bottom so I'm going to have a boy"

The blonde hears this and begins to think about things then suddenly...

Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to get back to the airpo...

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3 men are in training for a position with the CIA...

All 3 of them have passed every written assessment, cleared all of the physical trials, and only have to face one final test.

The first of the three walks into the room and faces the panel of examiners. They hand him a gun and tell him all he has to do now is prove his loyalty by entering the...

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Steps for the Rodeo position on bed:

1-Start on top

2-Tell your girlfriend/wife something in the lines of ''I fucked with your sister/best friend'' or ''It was better with your sister/best friend''

3-Hold on as long as you can.

Have fun =)

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I stormed into the boss's office and demanded to know why I had been overlooked for the position of Head of Accounting...

He shot back, "Because you're the fucking janitor, Gary."

I had an interview for a position as a car salesman.

The interviewer handed me his laptop and said, “Here, sell this to me.”
I took the laptop and stuck it in my bag and left. Three hours later he called and asked for his laptop back. I said, “You want to buy it back?”

"What's your favourite position?" asked my date.

I said, "It's the spider."


She said, "I don't know it."


"Well," I said, "it's when I stand in a corner of the room and you scream naughty things at me."

Why'd the prostitute get turned down for the office position she applied for?

Cuz she sucked at her last job.

My son finally landed a position as a software engineer. He proudly told me that his new job title will be “Java Developer.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that means he’ll be making the coffee.

Husband (feeling frisky): How about we change positions tonight?

Wife: OK, you stand here and do the dishes and I'll sit on the couch and fart.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's a Star Wars fan's favorite sex position?

Hand Solo

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Have you heard about this new sex position called The Rodeo?

It's where you put your woman down on all fours, mount her from behind, reach over to feel her tits and then whisper in her ear, "Your sister's boobs are better."

You then try to stay on for 8 seconds.

A plastic surgeon applies for a programming position

Because he heard they needed back end development.

Kevin Spacey is trying to get a new position in Vegas,...

Blackjack Dealer

Because they hit on anything under 17.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife said if I didn’t stop talking about work she’d leave me. She got sexy and asked my favorite position to help.

I guess “ceo” was the wrong answer. She’s leaving me.

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I want to make a Russian coffee table book based on sex positions using cross stitch images. I will call it...

The commie suture.

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I met a beautiful lady last night, took her back to my place and we went at it all night, all sorts of weird and wonderful positions.

In the morning, she told me she had a confession.

"Thats the first time I've done that" she said.

"Sex?" I replied.

"Yeah, you see I hope you don't mind but I used to be Christian, and was never interested in sex with a man."

"That's fine, I don't mind" I said.

She...

Four professionals are interviewing for a math-intensive position in a company

The shortlist of applicants includes a mathematician, a physicist, an engineer, and an accountant.

To begin each interview, the representative from HR poses a simple math problem to warm up the candidates. What is 45+18?

The mathematician immediately responds "63".

The physicist...

I regret getting a manager position at soda factory...

It's so-da-grading.

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What is a monitor's best sex position?

16:9

A curious son notices a change in the U.S flag’s position and decides to ask his mom

Son: Mom, why is the flag at the top of the pole today?

Mom: Because there hasn’t been a mass shooting all week Billy.

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(My piss poor attempt at political humor): What do you call a bunch of British politicians about to have a meal before resigning from their positions?

A full English Brexit

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Apparently, there's a new sex position called, "delivery man"...

You stay in all day and no-one comes...

A man calls the White House and says he wants to apply for the President's position.

"Are you an idiot", the White House staff says.

"Oh sorry Im not. Is that a criteria?", he replies.

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Why do trombone players have the best sex

They always get two holes in seven positions

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If my life was a sex position it would be reverse cowgirl

Because noone will look me in the eye and I'm not in control

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I think I watch to much porn. My wife said what position do you want to try?

My answer was POV.

Entry level position available!

3 years forklift experience required

5 years general labour required

Class 5 drivers license required

2 years kitchen experience required

4 years retail services required

2 years hospitality services required

4 years janitorial services required

3 yea...

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NSFW. How does a redneck find out his girlfriend favorite sex position?

He walks down the hall and ask their father.

A lot of people love the 69 position, personally I'm a fan of the 68...

That's where you blow me and I owe you one!

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The sexual position known as 69 should be called 96

With our economy, the cost of eating out has gone up

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Based on statistics, the most used sexual position among married couples is doggy style

The husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Justice League has a vacancy and the number 7 is interviewing to fill a superhero position...

Batman: Thank you for coming, 7. Its been rough since the Flash took off and we're having a hard time finding someone to replace him. Let's get right to it. What is your first power?


Number 7: Well, for my whole life I've been in prime condition and I don't anticipate that changing anytim...

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What is the Catholic Church’s position on homosexuality?

Only if it’s under 12

We already know Roy Moore's positions on crime and immigration. But, what about his position on children?

Missionary, mostly.

An engineer, a physicist, and an accountant were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation.

The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with: “How much is two plus two?” The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the boardroom and announcing, “Four.”

The physicist was interviewed next, a...

It's best to hire people with anger issues into high positions

Most of them have already had management training

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I was wondering why the book about sex I bought had positions like the "hammer and sickle" and "government mandated equality"

Then I realized I was reading the Commie Sutra.

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I asked my wife if she wanted to try a new sex position called the 68.

I asked if she wanted to try the 68.

Wife: What's a 68?

Well it's when you go down on me, and I'll owe you one.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into sexual position

Apparently that's "misconduct" for a special needs teacher.

Did you hear about the career agency that offered Jesus a position?

They heard he had hire powers.

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Sex positions

Two rednecks were sitting in a bar discussing their favorite sex positions. One of them says, “I think rodeo would have to my favorite”. The other one says, “I’ve never heard of that one, what is it?” So the first guy says, “You sit on your wife’s back with your hands on her boobs and say, ‘these fe...

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Sex positions for small penises

Fuck! This isn't Google search. How do I delete this post?

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[Spoiler] In Game of Thrones, what is Jon and Dany's favorite sexual position?

Lannister style

So I asked my friend, "I hear your husband applied for a position in the government"

Me:"What is he doing now?"

Friend: "Nothing"

Me: "But I thought he got the job!?"

Friend: "Yes he did."