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Position Jokes

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The position formerly known as 69 is now called 96.

Due to the economy, the cost of eating out has gone up.

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The new position is called Brexit:

It's when you promise to pull out but you don't:

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My favourite position is called "WOW" ...

It's where I flip your MOM over

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TIL the position is frowned upon in West Virginia.

It just ain't right turning your back on family.

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What position *guarantees* the ugliest baby?

Go ask your mother.

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Have you heard about the new position called the Liz Truss?

That's when you give her a weak Pound, then immediately leave the House.

What is the most dangerous position in chess?

C4

I quit my position as a scuba diving instructor the first day at my job.

Deep down, I realized it wasn’t for me.

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Little girl lands position as construction boss.

**A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.**


**The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing ...

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Why do most men like the for ..?

...most men hate up...

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My favorite position is the JFK

I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.

During the winter war, the Soviets where attacking a Finnish position

At first the Soviet command sends five soldiers in, and they all get killed by The enemy.

A Finnish soldier then yelled to the Soviets “Is that all you’ve got? I’m only one here.”

Then the Soviet command sends in 15 soldiers, who all, again, is killed by the enemy.

The Finnish s...

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positions for small penises

! This isn't Google search. How do I delete this post?

A girl promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is. He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts. Embarrassed she stands up and apologizes. She squats down for another go but farts again,

she gets up and apologizes again.
Before she can have a third go, her boyfriend gets up and goes to walk out saying “yeah this isn’t really for me, I’m not having 67 more of those in my face”

I just finished the book “101 mating positions”, and I was really disappointed.

Turns out—-it’s a book about chess.

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My wife asked if I'd like to try a new position

She said it's called "".

I said "yeah, I can get behind that".

I play a brand new position in baseball!

Left Out

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.

The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools, your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and w...

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The FBI had an open position for an assassin

After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the ci...

Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government?

Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?

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Before getting married, my wife and I used all sorts of positions, but it wasn’t until after being married for years that we discovered the Quantum Super position…

… where it’s rather hard to tell if my wife is alive or dead.

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Applying for a sales position

A man goes to apply for a job in a big Walmart. He's interviewed by the personnel manager and asked:

\- Do you have sales experience?

\- Yes sir, I worked selling clothes.

The manager decides to give him a test, so he says:

\- Come to work tomorrow at 9 AM. You'll work al...

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What position makes ugly babies?

Idk, ask your parents.

Four professionals are interviewing for a math-intensive position in a company

The shortlist of applicants includes a mathematician, a physicist, an engineer, and an accountant.

To begin each interview, the representative from HR poses a simple math problem to warm up the candidates. What is 45+18?

The mathematician immediately responds "63".

The physicist...

I'm considering taking a position to translate old Mongolian poetry

The job has its prose and Khans

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Three men, aged 40, 60 and 80, discuss their lives

The 40-year old says: "When my wife and I were just married, we'd do it every single day. Any position you could imagine. But now I'm lucky if we can average once a week".

The 60-year old man responds: "Once a week? Just wait till you get to my age. Once a month is what I consider an active s...

First day as a pilot. Control tower: Can you give me your position? Me: I am next to a cloud that looks like a lion. Control tower: Can you be more specific?

Me: Simba

Kevin Spacey is trying to get a new position in Vegas,...

Blackjack Dealer

Because they hit on anything under 17.

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My favourite position in bed is at the bottom

Because all i do is up

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What’s your favorite position?

Mine’s reverse missionary—where I pin you down and tell you god’s not real.

My girlfriends favourite position is 6.9

Personally, I prefer it without the period.

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How to prepare for a new management position

A guy walks into a café with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of manure in the other.

He says to the waiter,
\- 'I want coffee.'
The waiter says,
\- 'Sure thing, coming right up...'
He gets the guy a tall mug of coffee, and the guy drinks it down in one gulp, picks up...

A person doing a survey called me and asked, “What’s your position on drugs?”

Me: Usually slumped on a beanbag chair.

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My favorite position is 99...

Where we both fall asleep next to each other and the first one to is morning.

My grandmother used to tell me not to laugh at other's condition coz we might be in their position one day.

So I started to laugh at Jeff Bezos everyday.

A physicist, a statistician, and an accountant all apply for the same position...

The interviewers first call in the physicist. "We have only one question," they tell him. "What is 500 plus 500?" The physicist, without hesitation, says "1000."
The committee sends him out and calls in the statistician. When the statistician comes in, they ask the same question. The statisticia...

"Can't attack that position. My men are exhausted."

Spoken by a NATO general it means his soldiers are too tired and would not be able to attack without heavy losses.

Spoken by a Russian general it means his supply of men has been exhausted i. e., there are no alive men left to send.

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What is the best-known position in the Harry Potter universe?

Dobby style.

What job position do tree trunks have?

They are branch managers

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It has been determined, the most used position for married couples is the doggie position...

The husband sits up and begs.


The wife rolls over and plays dead.

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A man goes to a job interview for a salesman position.

In order to prove he can do the job, the man is given a box of 100 toothbrushes, and told to come back when he's sold them all. He leaves, and returns in 2 hours and says "I sold them all." The interviewer is dumbfounded. "I have never had anyone sell that many toothbrushes that quickly! You get t...

What position does the Messiah play in Hockey?

Goalie...Jesus saves man))))))

A terrorist commander is interviewing for a suicide bomber position...

"So good news-there is a sudden vacancy. We couldn't track down any of your recs, which is great. I just have one final question-where do you see yourself in the \*glances at watch\* next five minutes?"

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My most common position is 96

It's where me and my wife lie on the bed with our backs facing each other as she is not in mood ..

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Apparently, there's a new position called, "delivery man"...

You stay in all day and no-one comes...

"What's your favourite position?" asked my date.

I said, "It's the spider."


She said, "I don't know it."


"Well," I said, "it's when I stand in a corner of the room and you scream naughty things at me."

I just left my position as tire pump salesman

Couldn't handle the pressure...

She asked what my favourite position is?

I said :- CEO

I just accepted a senior management position on the old MacDonald farm

I'm the CIEIO

What position does Kool-aid Man play in baseball?

Relief Pitcher :^)

Literary position.

Years ago, my grandparents took me on a vacation to Disneyland. Grandma was excited for me when we boarded the plane, she exclaimed that I was lucky, because I got the Shakespeare seat.

"Why is it the Shakespeare seat Grandma?"

"You are in seat 2-B, so it's the Shakespeare seat."
<...

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She asked me which position do I really like ?

I said CEO, virgin staying strong.

The marriage counselor suggested we try different positions.

I said, "We can't be too long, my wife is on the way."

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My favorite position is the 69. What's yours?

"The 68."

"What's the 68?"

"It's when you go down on me - - and I owe you one."

*Interview for position of Astronaut*

Interviewer : Where do you see yourself in 5 years ?
Candidate : Not on earth hopefully.

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My girlfriend and I only ever have in the position

She said I misunderstood her when she told me she "likes it ruff"

A man was being interviewed for a job position.

Had you any illness?

No - said the man.

Any accidents?

No.

But you walked in here on crutches. Surely you must had an accident.

Oh that. That one wasn't my fault. The dolphin did it on purpoise.

An applicant is being interviewed for an engineering position

Interviewer: Your resume says that you can solve math problems quickly.


Applicant: Yes


Interviewer: Okay, what is 35 x 8?


Applicant: 250!


Interviewer: That's way off.


Applicant: Well, it is, but as my resume said, I'm a quick solver.

What is Naruto's favorite football position?

Kyuu-bi

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A man was interviewing for a position with the CIA (Part 1)

He turns up to the interview and there are two other guys.

The first guy gets taken in for an interview and is asked: Who killed Jesus Christ? He replies "The Jews".

The second guy gets taken in and is asked the same thing, to which he replies "The Romans".

The third guy (our gu...
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