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My favourite sex position is called "WOW" ...

It's where I flip your MOM over

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The FBI had an open position for an assassin

**The FBI had an open position for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you wil...

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Two guys are talking over a beer, discussing various sex positions. The first guy says his favourite position is the "rodeo". The other guy asks what the position is, and how to do it?

The first guy says, "You tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours and then do it doggy style. Once things start to get underway and she's really enjoying it, lean forward and whisper in her ear - 'Your sister likes this position too'..... Then try to hang on for 8 seconds."

What’s a jew’s favorite football position?

Quarterback

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I invented a new sex position " The G.R.R.Martin"

I give her the best foreplay and when she's ready to finish it's all just a slap in her face.

He proposed marriage, because she promised she will make him try different positions

Now he is a husband, a driver, a cook, a gardener and a plumber.

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.

The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools, your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and w...

TIL the Reverse Cowgirl position is frowned upon in West Virginia.

It just ain't right turning your back on family.

A salesman position

(English is not my mother language so ignore any grammatical mistakes) :)

A guy is interviewed for a salesman position, the interviewer asks the guy to take his laptop saying "let's see if you can convince me to buy this laptop, I want you to walk in again thinking of me as a customer."...

My mom used to tell me not to laugh at other's condition because we may be in their position one day.

So I laugh at Bill Gates' condition everyday.

Eventually, Quasimodo dies and the Bishop immediately decides to hold auditions for the position of Notre Dame's bellringer.

After all, nobody lives forever. The bishop posted flyers all over Paris and the French countryside in the hopes that somebody, anybody could be half as good as Quasimodo was.

At the end of the day after a long week of holding auditions for disappointment after disappointment, the Bishop i...

The head of human resources is interviewing a potential candidate for the open position of corporate attorney.

“Would you consider yourself an honest lawyer?” the HR person asks in the interview.

​

“Honest?” the lawyer responds. “Let me tell you how honest I am. My father sold everything he had to put me through law school. After my very first case, I paid him back in full.”

&...

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What sex position is illegal in Alabama?

Reverse cowgirl, because you never turn your back on family.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I found my new favorite sexual position.

It's called The JFK. It's when you explode all over a woman while she is screaming and trying to open the car door.

You can do it in a hotel room, as well, but then you call it The Louis C.K.

What does a pulley like best about its position?

Being the center of a tension.

New position

I was watching tv when my wife called out to me from the kitchen and asked if I might want to try a new position. I yelled back "hell yeah"!

So she replied "Fantastic , so you come stand at this sink, and i will lay on the couch"

A man and his clothing store

A long time ago there was a man who sold secondhand women's clothing at a small shop on the main road of a small town.
Now, this man, Theodore, had one joy in life: Arranging the mannequins in a way that made each garment look it's best, and placing them in the front window.
As he had gotten ...

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My wive’s favorite sex position is the missionary

That’s when she’s laying down on her back, legs spread open & I’m in Africa.

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What’s a dyscalculic’s favourite sexual position?

96, of course!

What's my favourite position you ask?

Behind someone...

With clear handwriting in the exam hall obviously.

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So which sexual position produces the ugliest baby?

I don’t know! Go ask your fucking mother!

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** Two mathmeticians deciding about sex positions **

"Wanna be numerator or denominator?"

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We had an open position with 60 applicants. I said, "I don't have time to review all these resumes. Just hire the one with the biggest tits!"

Larry starts Monday.

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An asthmatic flea gets assigned a new job position

They assign her to work on Jack's moustache.

She goes to work one day, then the next, but after a while she can't take it anymore and goes to complain to her boss.

"You know," - she says. - "I love the job and all, but I have asthma and Jack is a smoker, so I can't work there anymore."...

A matematician, a philosopher and an accountant are applying for an important position within a prestigious company

During the interview the CEO askes each of them a simple question: how much is 2+2?

The matematician: Definitely 4, no doubt about it!

The philosopher: The answer in itself is not important, what matters is why did the question manifest itself.

The accountant, leaning forward an...

A navy captain is alerted that a pirate ship is coming towards his position

He asks a sailor to get him his red shirt.

The sailor asked, “Why do you need a red shirt?”

The Captain replies, “So that when I bleed, you guys don’t notice and aren’t discouraged.” They fight off the pirates eventually.

The very next day, the Captain is alerted that 50 pirate ...

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How much does it cost to have sex with a male deer in the missionary position?

Under a buck

You can tell a woman likes you by the position of her ankles

..if her ankles are behind her ears, then she really likes you!

Next time you are with your girl try this new position.

It's called the bucking bronco. It's where you go doggy style then lean over and whisper another girls name in her ear and see how long you can stay on...

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What's Ronald McDonald's favorite sex position?

The Cooter Pounder.

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My favorite sex position is the JFK:

I spray all over her while she screams and tries to jump out of the car.

Worker- Can I get a raise? Boss- Because of the fluctuational predisposition of your position's productive capacity as juxtaposed to the industry standards, it would be monetarily injudicious to advocate an increment.

Worker- I don't get it !

Boss- That's right.

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I asked a friend of mine how often he changes positions during sex...

...he replied “zero, if anything changing positions gives them a chance to escape!”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear about the joke about ideas for sex positions?

Never mind, it’s too suggestive.

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My favorite sex position is call the wow....

Its where you and 39 other buddies get together and send everything you got at one poor person for 2 hours

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Despite having no qualifications for such a position, we hired an impoverished prostitute to become our son's math tutor.

It's the thot that counts.

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3 guys are in the running for a position as a field agent for the CIA.

(This is long and on mobile, hope you enjoy)

For the final test the supervising agent picks up the first guy from his house and after driving around for a while and arriving at their destination, the first guy looks up and asks what is going on because they were back where they started, in t...

AN UGLY POSITION

Q: What's the position to make ugly babies?

A: Idk, ask your parents.

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In Feudal Japan, there was a system that determined who sat in the highly favored front position of carts.

You had to call Shogun.

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My favorite sex position.

So me and my girl were talking about previous lovers and what our favorite sex position was in our last relationship as well as our ex's favorite. So she went first and said that her ex-boyfriend's favorite position was doggy-style because he could grab her by her hips and really get in deep. She sa...

My violin tutor told me my fingering was good but my positions could be better.

And then we started the lesson.

So why do you think you qualify for this interrogation position?

Me: I posses expert knowledge on this topic that allows me to always discover the truth.

Interviewer: And what is that knowledge?

Me: Look at the hips

Interviewer: Why would that help?

Me: Hips don't lie

A guy applies for a position as a lumberjack

The interviewer asks him, “So where did you work previously?”

He answers, “The Saharan Forest.”

“Saharan Forest? Don’t you mean the Saharan Desert?”

“Yes, I suppose that’s what they’d call it now.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What sex position makes the ugliest babies?

Your mom didn't warn you?

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My wife and I tried this amazing new sex position today

It’s called “me alone in the bathroom with my phone”

Position matters most

Three pregnant women are at a clinic having a chat about their future children.

The redhead says "i was on top so I'm having a girl!"

The brunette replies with "I was on the bottom so I'm going to have a boy"

The blonde hears this and begins to think about things then suddenly...

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3 men are in training for a position with the CIA...

All 3 of them have passed every written assessment, cleared all of the physical trials, and only have to face one final test.

The first of the three walks into the room and faces the panel of examiners. They hand him a gun and tell him all he has to do now is prove his loyalty by entering the...

Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to get back to the airpo...

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Steps for the Rodeo position on bed:

1-Start on top

2-Tell your girlfriend/wife something in the lines of ''I fucked with your sister/best friend'' or ''It was better with your sister/best friend''

3-Hold on as long as you can.

Have fun =)

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I stormed into the boss's office and demanded to know why I had been overlooked for the position of Head of Accounting...

He shot back, "Because you're the fucking janitor, Gary."

I had an interview for a position as a car salesman.

The interviewer handed me his laptop and said, “Here, sell this to me.”
I took the laptop and stuck it in my bag and left. Three hours later he called and asked for his laptop back. I said, “You want to buy it back?”

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Why'd the prostitute get turned down for the office position she applied for?

Cuz she sucked at her last job.

My son finally landed a position as a software engineer. He proudly told me that his new job title will be “Java Developer.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that means he’ll be making the coffee.

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What's a Star Wars fan's favorite sex position?

Hand Solo

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My wife said if I didn’t stop talking about work she’d leave me. She got sexy and asked my favorite position to help.

I guess “ceo” was the wrong answer. She’s leaving me.

Husband (feeling frisky): How about we change positions tonight?

Wife: OK, you stand here and do the dishes and I'll sit on the couch and fart.

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Have you heard about this new sex position called The Rodeo?

It's where you put your woman down on all fours, mount her from behind, reach over to feel her tits and then whisper in her ear, "Your sister's boobs are better."

You then try to stay on for 8 seconds.

"What's your favourite position?" asked my date.

I said, "It's the spider."


She said, "I don't know it."


"Well," I said, "it's when I stand in a corner of the room and you scream naughty things at me."

A plastic surgeon applies for a programming position

Because he heard they needed back end development.

Four professionals are interviewing for a math-intensive position in a company

The shortlist of applicants includes a mathematician, a physicist, an engineer, and an accountant.

To begin each interview, the representative from HR poses a simple math problem to warm up the candidates. What is 45+18?

The mathematician immediately responds "63".

The physicist...

A man calls the White House and says he wants to apply for the President's position.

"Are you an idiot", the White House staff says.

"Oh sorry Im not. Is that a criteria?", he replies.

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I want to make a Russian coffee table book based on sex positions using cross stitch images. I will call it...

The commie suture.

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I met a beautiful lady last night, took her back to my place and we went at it all night, all sorts of weird and wonderful positions.

In the morning, she told me she had a confession.

"Thats the first time I've done that" she said.

"Sex?" I replied.

"Yeah, you see I hope you don't mind but I used to be Christian, and was never interested in sex with a man."

"That's fine, I don't mind" I said.

She...

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What is a monitor's best sex position?

16:9

I regret getting a manager position at soda factory...

It's so-da-grading.

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Apparently, there's a new sex position called, "delivery man"...

You stay in all day and no-one comes...

Kevin Spacey is trying to get a new position in Vegas,...

Blackjack Dealer

Because they hit on anything under 17.

A curious son notices a change in the U.S flag’s position and decides to ask his mom

Son: Mom, why is the flag at the top of the pole today?

Mom: Because there hasn’t been a mass shooting all week Billy.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

(My piss poor attempt at political humor): What do you call a bunch of British politicians about to have a meal before resigning from their positions?

A full English Brexit

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If my life was a sex position it would be reverse cowgirl

Because noone will look me in the eye and I'm not in control

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I think I watch to much porn. My wife said what position do you want to try?

My answer was POV.

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Three men go to hell and they’re pissed

“Surely we weren’t that bad?” they ask themselves. “There has to be something we can do to get out of here.”

Satan suddenly appears and says “Oh, but there is! Withstand ten whippings from my trusty whip here and you’re free to go. I’ll even let you pick something to cover your back with”
...

Entry level position available!

3 years forklift experience required

5 years general labour required

Class 5 drivers license required

2 years kitchen experience required

4 years retail services required

2 years hospitality services required

4 years janitorial services required

3 yea...

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NSFW. How does a redneck find out his girlfriend favorite sex position?

He walks down the hall and ask their father.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Based on statistics, the most used sexual position among married couples is doggy style

The husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do trombone players have the best sex

They always get two holes in seven positions

It's best to hire people with anger issues into high positions

Most of them have already had management training

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The Justice League has a vacancy and the number 7 is interviewing to fill a superhero position...

Batman: Thank you for coming, 7. Its been rough since the Flash took off and we're having a hard time finding someone to replace him. Let's get right to it. What is your first power?


Number 7: Well, for my whole life I've been in prime condition and I don't anticipate that changing anytim...

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The sexual position known as 69 should be called 96

With our economy, the cost of eating out has gone up

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I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into sexual position

Apparently that's "misconduct" for a special needs teacher.

We already know Roy Moore's positions on crime and immigration. But, what about his position on children?

Missionary, mostly.

An engineer, a physicist, and an accountant were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation.

The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with: “How much is two plus two?” The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the boardroom and announcing, “Four.”

The physicist was interviewed next, a...

A lot of people love the 69 position, personally I'm a fan of the 68...

That's where you blow me and I owe you one!

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A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything!"

His friend replies, "That's great! Did you get a blowjob?"

"No, I never found the head."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was wondering why the book about sex I bought had positions like the "hammer and sickle" and "government mandated equality"

Then I realized I was reading the Commie Sutra.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I asked my wife if she wanted to try a new sex position called the 68.

I asked if she wanted to try the 68.

Wife: What's a 68?

Well it's when you go down on me, and I'll owe you one.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Five Minute Management Lesson

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What is the Catholic Church’s position on homosexuality?

Only if it’s under 12

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Sex positions

Two rednecks were sitting in a bar discussing their favorite sex positions. One of them says, “I think rodeo would have to my favorite”. The other one says, “I’ve never heard of that one, what is it?” So the first guy says, “You sit on your wife’s back with your hands on her boobs and say, ‘these fe...

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