Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross...

“Something for this I have.” Yoda says. He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, th...

What's the toughest part of being a vegan?

Apparently keeping it to yourself.

What part of a contract entitles you to free gifts?

The Santa Clause.

When you die and go to heaven..... which part of your body goes first?

A nun teaching religion was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to heaven..... which part of your body goes first?

Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think its your hands."

"Why do you think its your hands, Suzy?" said the Nun.

Suzy ...

(NSFW) Whats the worst part about eating a vegetable?

Putting her back in the wheelchair.

I'm a programmer, my wife works part-time in tech support. (NSFW)

Last Friday night, we felt a little frisky, so we made a trip to the bedroom. For her, everything went great. For me... Not so much. An hour later, I had yet to climax once.

So my wife had a brilliant idea. She went to our living room, grabbed some books we'd bought so we could teach our kids...

When you die, the last part of your body to stop working are your pupils.

They dilate.

A man applies to be a superhero as a part of the X-Men

When asked what his super power is, the man replies "Hindsight".

The doctor says "That won't be of any use to us".

The man replies, "Yes, I see that now".

Don't spell "part" backwards.

It's a trap.

A boy named Carol had a particularly rough childhood because of his uncommon name. He always got a lot of teasing and abuse at school. Eventually, he overcame his hang-up and married his high-school sweetheart.

When their first child was born, he let his wife name her.

She named the baby girl "Love" inspired in the same spirit as Carol's unique name.

Unfortunately, Love grew up and endured much of the same teasing that Carol did, because of her strange name.

She came home from school...

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Did you know that the softest part in a woman's body is that area between her anus and her vagina?

No matter how hard you smash your eggs in there they would not crack.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations,

The British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be d...

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Some would say that the most sensitive part of your body when masturbating is your genitalia.

But it's actually your ears.

The ceiling might not be my favourite part of the room...

...but it’s up there!

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks, "What part is it?"

The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
"The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."

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If you have one big shit, and divide it into 3 equal parts and throw 2 of them away. What are you left with?

One turd.

My favorite part of the bible is when God gives everyone free will...

 

 

..and then he kills them all in a flood for not doing what he tells them.

I hate when people make jokes about body parts

Eyelash out when I hear them

What is the most musical part of a humans body?

The Eardrum

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Did you hear about the mechanic that was caught having sex with car parts?

He got off with a suspension.

Wife at work part 2

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”

What phrase is 5 words long, makes you a part of a secretly hated society, is as infective as a virus and stays in your memory forever, but is only mentioned on occasion?

“I just lost the game”

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[Long] The Life of Parmish [Part 1]

There were once two young brothers from India, Parmish and Dudah, who decided one day to travel the world. They went to London, France, China, Japan, and many other countries. They ate all the exotic food they came across and explored many different cultures and experiences.

At their last st...

What is the worst part about having to go to a daycare as a police officer

There is always at least one kid napping and a bunch resisting a rest

What do you call the bad part of an Italian town?

The spaghetto

What human body part is long, hard, bendable, most useful when erect, and contains the letters p,n,e,s,i?

Your spine

A young woman was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback soon came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the
horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would shout out a wild "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a-" so loud that it echoed off the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local servic...

Napoleon might be remembered for being short, but if there was one part of him the ladies remembered best...

...it was the Bonaparte.

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Do you know what the toughest part about being a gay, black, police officer is?

The discrimination.

What’s a woman’s favorite body part?

I can’t remember what it’s called but it’s on the tip of my tongue.

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How do you call the part between grandma's tits?

Her pussy

What's the worst part about eating a clock?

It's very time consuming.

What's the best part of living in Switzerland?

I don't know but the flag is a plus

My wife keeps insisting that I tell her my favorite body part and vegetable

I told her eye yam but she doesnt listen

Best part of getting an amnesia

Finding tons of original jokes on reddit.

What's the worst part of getting stoned with cannibals?

You've got to be really specific when you ask them to pass you a joint.

Whats the best part of killing a hooker?

The second hour is free.

A multi part joke my dad used to tell.

Why did the turtle cross the road ?
To get to the Shell station.

Why did the turtle go to the Shell station?
He needed Turtle Wax.

Why did the turtle need Turtle Wax?
He wanted to camouflage his shell.

Why did the turtle want to camouflage his shell?
He wanted to hi...

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A 70 year old man went to his doctor’s office complaining about a pain in his private parts.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “We will start with a sperm test. Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow.” The next day the 70 year old man reappears at the doctor’s office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what...

Why is Orion's Belt the best part of the constellation?

Because anything else would be more than a waist of space.

What's the best part about dating a homeless girl?

You can drop her off anywhere.

What’s the best part of fingering a gypsy on her rag?

You get your palm red for free

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Can you imagine being part of a discussion on ant puns?

I cAnt even Anticipate that bAnter

A 17-year-old boy who works part time at Pizza Hut drives up to park in front of his house in a beautiful Porche

Naturally, his parents know that there’s no way he earned enough with his after-school job to buy such a car.
“Where did you get that car?” his mom and dad screamed in shock.

“I bought it today,” replied the teen calmly.

“With what money young man?” his mom demands. “We know how mu...

What is the best part of painting?

Cleaning the brush. You just beat the devil of of it.

The worst part of buying a feng shui book...

is trying to figure out where to put it.

What's the most profitable part of owning a lemonade stand?

Selling the antidote.

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Changing diapers is the hardest part about having kids

You can't half ass it.

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What’s the worst part about getting a rectal cavity search at the airport?

They don’t let you jerk off!

The best part of a euphemism?

You can take it any way you want it...

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What is the hardest part about roller skating?

Telling you’re parents your gay.

There’s this lady who repairs guitar parts for young musicians.

Now she has the body of an 18 year old.

Do you know what the hardest part of becoming a vegetarian is?

To quit cold turkey.

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Three men with tiny body parts meet up...

One has tiny hands, one has tiny feet, and one has a tiny penis. They all think theirs are the tiniest in the world. So they go to Guinness World Records to make it official.
The first guy walks in, and comes out with a plaque in his hand and a big smile on his face, and says, “I have the tinies...

Did you hear about the raffle that a local necrophiliac club was having? They were selling a lot of tickets until the cops shut them down on the grounds that it's illegal to sell parts of a corpse.

Ironically, the police never would have found out about it if the title wasn't "A Dead Giveaway"!

What's Chris Brown's favorite part of any song?

The beat

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Just took part in a blindfolded masturbating competition.

Fuck knows where I came.

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Which is the most sensitive part of your body when you're jerking off?



Ears. You need to know whether your mom is cumming or not.

I am from Taiwan. I am not good at English spelling but I tried my best.

A Sunday School teacher is teaching kids about Heaven and asked the class their thoughts on which part of them would get to Heaven first.

Little Suzy says it's her heart, because she's so caring and loving. Angie says it's her brain, because she's smart and uses it to help people.

Tommy looks around and say "No, no, no. It's not your brain or heart. I know the answer to this one. It's your feet."

"Why your feet?" asked t...

Today I found out I’m part Jewish and part German

Maybe that’s why I hate myself so much

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I was once a part of a nine-member sex cult who aimed to please this one main red-hot guy. I was then kicked out from it but my life still revolves around the main guy and I remain friends with the others.

Guess my relationship with them is Plutonic.

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What’s the best part about turning 50?

My mom is so old that she can’t make it down the stairs to catch me jerking off.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement:

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as “Lawyer,” and the party of the second part, also known as “Light Bulb,” do hereby and forthwith agree t...

In most parts of the world a woman is a mother,a daughter,a sister.

In Alabama,you can have all at once.

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A charity worker stopped me in the street and asked if I fancied taking part in a marathon.

I was going to decline but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties.


I thought, fuck me, I might win this

The worst part about spanking a kid in Walmart....

The worst part about spanking a kid in Walmart is not knowing who’s kid it is.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW What is the warmest part inside a dead woman's body?

My penis.

Quasimodo Part 2

After Quasimodo’s funeral the next Sunday, his identical twin brother Farsimodo that no one knew he had was so distraught that he vowed to take up his brother’s mantle. Realizing that the funeral got out right before he had to ring the bells for the first time, he made a mad dash for the spires of ...

You know what the best part of organized sports is?

Yeah me either

The worst part about kissing a perfect ten...

... is the cold feeling your lips get from touching the mirror.

a car's weakest part

the nut holding the steering wheel

A pastor was giving the children's message during church. For this part of the service, he would gather all the children around him and give a brief lesson before dismissing them for children's church.

On this particular Sunday, he was using squirrels for an object lesson on industry and preparation. He started out by saying, "I'm going to describe something, and I want you to raise your hand when you know what it is." The children nodded eagerly.

"This thing lives in trees (pause) and eats...

Whats the most unrealistic part of the Harry Potter series?

That a ginger has two friends at school

What do you call an experimental organ that’s part of the digestive system?

In-testin

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I get really pissed off at racists who say I’m cheap because I’m part Jewish.

It’s because I’m part Scottish.

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What's the worst part about dating a Japanese girl?

The breakup: You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic?

Going inside to ask for a coathanger.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the toughest part of being vague?

I mean, like... well, you know, right?

What is the worst part of having a mental illness?

People expect you to behave as if you don't.

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What's a dracula's favourite part of sex

Edraculating

Say it out loud

What do you call the part of the city where unsuccessful writers live?

The writers' block.

My mom got part of her colon removed.

Now she has a semicolon!

What's the worst part about owning a Corvette?

Trying to keep your chest hair from getting stuck in your gold chain.

Aren't you excited that Breakdancing will be part of the 2024 Paris Olympic games?

I'm head over heels!

The other day, I saw a rose making fun of a tulip that had a bump on it's stem, so I stepped on the rose. I'm just doing my part...

...to stop cyst stemic racism.

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