The 70+ Best Part Jokes

What's the hardest part when your ex tells you she is HIV positive

Trying to act surprised.

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The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to...

What is matthew mcconaughey' least favorite part of interstellar?

"The girls get older, but he stays the same age"

-first attempt at a original joke (apologies if its a repost that I'm unaware of)

When the human body dies, what's the last part to die?

The pupils. They dilate.

What's the best part about having a hooker die on you?

The second hour is free.

Don't spell part backwards

It's a trap

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My wife asked me what my favourite part of a blow job is.

I should not have said the 5 minutes of peace and quiet.

What part of a vegetable can't you eat?

The wheelchair.

What's the toughest part of being a vegan?

Apparently keeping it to yourself.

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The Dragonborn is pissed I won't teach him the first part of Unrelenting Force.

I don't see what all the fus is about.

As part of the merger, the PGA will control holes 1-8 and 12-18.

The Saudis do 9-11.

When you die what body part dies last?

The pupils, they dilate

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What's the most sensitive part of a man's body during masturbation?

His ears.

The best part about being an abortionist..? [NSFW]

I haven't had to buy dog food in a long, long time.

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Most important body part..

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who is in charge.

Brain said "I should be incharge because I run all the body's systems. So without me, nothing would happen"

Blood said "I should be incharge because I circulate oxygen all over the body. Without me y...

A man had a terrible accident and badly damaged his jaw. The surgeons use part of the man's leg to build a new jaw bone, after hours of surgery and weeks of therapy he makes a full recovery but

He now talks with a limp

The best part about being Russian, is getting to vote in American elections.

Which is nice, because we never get to vote in our own.

What's the scariest part about climate change?

The atmosfear.

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What's the hardest part breaking up with a Japanese girlfriend?

You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.

Johnny and Susie were playing naked, wondering why they have different “parts”

When Johnny got home he asked his mother why he had a stick and Susie had a hole. Johnny’s mother said “oh son, you have a Ferrari, and Susie has a garage; the time will come and you’ll park your Ferrari in her garage”

When Susie got home she asked her father why she had a hole and Johnny had...

What’s the cheapest part of a house?

The roof tiles, because they’re on the house.

My grandfather was part of Antifa back in the 1940s.

Back then they called it the US Army.

I told my wife I was taking part in No Nut November...

She said she was excited for me to see how she feels the other 11 months of the year.

The best part about being married is not having to worry whether or not about I’m getting laid tonight

I already know it’s not gonna happen!

What's the best part about being 111 years old?

There's no peer pressure.

A 17-year-old boy who works part-time at Pizza Hut drives up to park in front of the house in a beautiful Porsche.

Naturally, his parents know that there’s no way he earned enough with his after-school job to buy such a car.

“Where did you get that car?” his mom and dad screamed in shock.
“I bought it today,” replied the teen calmly.
“With what money young man?” his mom demands. “We know how much a...

What's the best part about summer in the U.S.?

3 months of no school shootings.

50 Jokes for 50 US States Part V

# California

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) and the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) want to see who is the best at catching perps. So, a rabbit is released into the forest, and each of them has to catch it.

In goes CIA. They place...

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You know what the worst part of investigating a haunted porn set is?

You never know what’s ectoplasm and what isn’t.

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An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked, what happened and the man expla...

What’s the best part of fingering a gypsy on her period?

You get your palm red for free.

I got frostbite and had part of my foot amputated. Then my girlfriend left me.

She was lack-toes intolerant.

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A charity worker stopped me in the street and asked if I fancied taking part in a marathon.

I was going to decline but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties.

I thought, fuck me, I might win this

What's the hardest part of being a vegan?

Waking up at 4.30 am to milk the almonds.

What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?

Your spine

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What’s the worst part about being short?

Your nose is closer to your ass.

I met the man who invented the part of a map that explains what each symbol means.

What a legend.

What's the worst part of an apple addiction?

You can't see a doctor about it.

the Beastie Boys are releasing a five part anthology.

Parts a-d are free.

But you gotta fight for your right to part-e.

A mathematician And an engineer decided to take part in an experiment.

They were both put in a room and at the other end was a naked woman on a bed. The experimenter said that every 30 seconds they could travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician stormed off, calling it pointless. The engineer was still in. The mathematician said “Don’...

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The Most Important Body Part

One day the different parts of the body were having an
argument to see which should be in charge.

The brain said "I do all the thinking so I'm the most
important and I should be in charge."

The eyes said "I see everything and let the rest of you
know where we are, so I'm the m...

The Beastie Boys have released a 5 part documentary! Parts A through D are freely available to download, but

You have to fight for your right to Part E!

What’s the worst part about being an atheist?

No one will know you were right.

(I’d like to remind you this is simply a joke)

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What’s the best part about turning 40?

My mom can’t get down stairs so well anymore so I can finally jerk off in peace.

What's the most frustrating part about being a sheep farmer?

Every time you try to take inventory, you fall asleep.

Don't cut off the skin, it's the best part!

Said the priest to the rabbi.

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question: "When you die and go to Heaven... which part of your body goes first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said "I think it's your hands.” "Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?" Suzy replied "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first.” “What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and...

Whats the best part about dating a homeless chick ?

U can drop her off anywhere

The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"

The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" Flora blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question."

The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" "That's easy," says Johnny. "I...

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What's the worst part about being gay?

You cant think straight.

"This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.

"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."

The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.

"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.

Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross...

“Something for this I have.” Yoda says. He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, th...

My friend started selling his own body parts to make money

First it was just one of his fingers to pay some bills off. When he realised how much he could make he sold even more body parts. Sitting in his mansion, rich enough to afford not to work, he asked me what I thought about him selling even more body parts.

I told him, I think you should quit w...

50 Jokes for 50 US States Part II

# Alaska

An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage. The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked, 'Where were you on the night of October to April?'

Disclaimer: This is not my joke. And I sure hope that its not a repost from any of the subs. I am sure that there will be numerous va...

The most ironic part about working at the unemployment office is...

If you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.

I've just done my part to help the environment.

I unplugged 6 electric vehicles that no one was using.

The worst part about spring...

Getting sued by the Fine Brothers for having an allergic reaction.

The worst part about being a giraffe

is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.

Credit. The Joke Cafe

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations,

the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be d...

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What's the best part about dating a black girl?

You don't have to meet her father.

NSFW A dog and a cat are having an argument about who is the favorite with humans. The dog says, “humans like us more; they even named a tooth after us (the canine). Naming an important body part after us proves they like dogs more.”

The cat smiles and says, “Guess what? You are not going to win this one”

What body part makes the best student?

The eye, because it’s a good pupil!

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What's the most sexual part on an elephant?

It's foot, because if it steps on you...you're fucked!

What's the most important part of the Popemobile?

The catholytic converter.

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What is the hardest part of rollerblading?

Telling your parents that you are gay.

Steve Winwood once asked me to be a part of his band

Ultimately, I declined his offer after remembering what my dad always told me.

"Son, remember to never play in traffic."

What's a pyromaniacs favorite part about Tinder?

The Matches.

The best part of getting a divorce is the food fight at the end

I love me a good old custardy battle

What's the worst part about working at a gynecology clinic?

Customer Cervix

What part of a flower is the brightest?

The light bulb.

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