I met the man who invented the part of a map that explains what each symbol means.

What a legend.

Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross...

“Something for this I have.” Yoda says. He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, th...

What's the toughest part of being a vegan?

Apparently keeping it to yourself.

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What is the hardest part of rollerblading?

Telling your parents that you are gay.

After you die, what part of your body is the last to stop working?

Your pupils. They dilate.

The worst part about working at the unemployment office?

When you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

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Golf Joke...What do you call the part of the body in between the vagina and rectum?

The driving range, because that’s where you hit your balls

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what’s the worst part of a family thanksgiving in Alabama?

the sexual tension

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Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

Nsfw. Jesus n Moses are walking down the beach comparing powers. Moses goes to Jesus, "Check this out." He faces the ocean n parts it clear down the middle. Jesus with a smirk, "ok ok, put it back n watch this."..

Jesus begins to walk out on the water and starts to sink. Jesus walks back n says to Moses "I don't get it, I can usually walk on water." Moses, laughing. "Probably because you got them holes in your feet."

A blind man went to a restaurant.

menu sir? asked the owner. I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order. The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork, and returned to the blind man.
The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and...

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A young lady, as part of a survey, asks a pilot about the last time he had sex. The pilot said "1959 ma'am. " Taken back by this answer, she said “That long ago?”

“Oh” the pilot replies “I guess so.” Looks at his watch and says, “but it’s only 2105 now.”

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What is the most sensitive part of a man’s body when he masturbates?

His ears

All last night, it sounded like my neighbors were practicing for their part in an orchestra.

I had to call the police to report domestic violins.

When wearing a bikini, women reveals 96% of their body.

But the men are so polite, they only look at the covered parts.

What is the best part about Switzerland?

I don't know but the flag is a big plus.

When you die and go to heaven..... which part of your body goes first?

A nun teaching religion was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to heaven..... which part of your body goes first?

Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think its your hands."

"Why do you think its your hands, Suzy?" said the Nun.

Suzy ...

I'm a programmer, my wife works part-time in tech support. (NSFW)

Last Friday night, we felt a little frisky, so we made a trip to the bedroom. For her, everything went great. For me... Not so much. An hour later, I had yet to climax once.

So my wife had a brilliant idea. She went to our living room, grabbed some books we'd bought so we could teach our kids...

Whats the worst part about eating vegetables?

Putting them back in their wheelchair when your done.

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What is the best part about having sex with a vampire?

They can't get you pregnant.

Not because their sperm is dead.

But because they can't come inside without an invitation.

Thank you for coming to my haunTED talk

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WHAT'S THE BEST PART ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH HOMELESS PEOPLE?

Afterwards you can drop them off anywhere!

What part of a contract entitles you to free gifts?

The Santa Clause.

What's pirate favorite part of the body?

Their Booty

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Some would say that the most sensitive part of your body when masturbating is your genitalia.

But it's actually your ears.

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Did you hear about that baby that was born without one of his eye-lids? they used part of his foreskin to replace it.

He’ll be alright, just a little cock-eyed.

One of the soprano girls in my choir class says she can't sing her part.

She says she descant.

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All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all ...

What’s the most expensive part of building a roof?

The overhead cost

Visitor: My favorite part of the zoo is the cage that says 'World's most dangerous animal' and it's just a mirror in it

Zookeeper: Yup, thought-provoking stuff. \*Whispering into phone\* The leopard's escaped again

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I once had a small part in a porn movie.

It was cold that day.

A man applies to be a superhero as a part of the X-Men

When asked what his super power is, the man replies "Hindsight".

The doctor says "That won't be of any use to us".

The man replies, "Yes, I see that now".

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations,

The British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be d...

What phrase is 5 words long, makes you a part of a secretly hated society, is as infective as a virus and stays in your memory forever, but is only mentioned on occasion?

“I just lost the game”

My favorite part of the bible is when God gives everyone free will...

 

 

..and then he kills them all in a flood for not doing what he tells them.

Which part of the body makes the worst jokes?

The Cornea

Don't spell "part" backwards.

It's a trap.

Best parts of having a zombie SO

They never complain.

They dont cheat.

You never feel inadequate, they're always moaning

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Injuring a part of your body makes you realize how many movements use that body part.

Like spraining your wrist and then having difficulty masturbating with your other hand.

In what part of Egypt do people tell lies?

Denial River

What is a cow's least favorite part of being a detective?

The steak-out.

Ibises are actually part of an undercover terrorist organisation, and I know who their leader is...

...Osama Bin Chicken.

This may go over your heads if you're not Australian. We call Ibises 'bin chickens'.

The ceiling might not be my favourite part of the room...

...but it’s up there!

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Did you hear about the mechanic that was caught having sex with car parts?

He got off with a suspension.

What's the best part being with a gypsy on her period?

When youre done you get your palm read

Apparantly part of a Hong Kong politician's ear was bit off.

I'm glad Mike Tyson is giving his all to these protests

Mr. Potatohead sat reminiscing about a time when he still had all his parts intact

Where did the ears go?

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I was once part of a 10v1. It was a hard-fought battle

We eventually managed to beat down that fucker.

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks, "What part is it?"

The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
"The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."

A young woman was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback soon came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the
horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would shout out a wild "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a-" so loud that it echoed off the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local servic...

The best part of being rich and famous is someone else does your dirty laundry.

They hang all your Versace, Armani, Epstein and Gucci, no questions asked.

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If you have one big shit, and divide it into 3 equal parts and throw 2 of them away. What are you left with?

One turd.

What is the most musical part of a humans body?

The Eardrum

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An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. ...

What human body part is long, hard, bendable, most useful when erect, and contains the letters p,n,e,s,i?

Your spine

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What's the worst part about sleeping with an Asian woman?

In an hour you'll be horny again

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Mailman is making his rounds on his very last day of work. After 25 years on the same route the day had finally come. He was a good mailman and well liked. Therefor many of his regulars had little cookies and parting gifts for him. All was going well until he got to the Smith residence.

When he came to the door and was about to deliver the letters, Mrs. Smith opened the door in a sexy lingerie holding a plate of cookies and invited him in. The mailman, not wanting to be rude took a few cookies, stepped inside and said thank you. As he was about to leave, she said " oh no, we're...

Napoleon might be remembered for being short, but if there was one part of him the ladies remembered best...

...it was the Bonaparte.

What do you call the bad part of an Italian town?

The spaghetto

I hate when people make jokes about body parts

Eyelash out when I hear them

Wife at work part 2

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”

What's the worst part about eating a clock?

It's very time consuming.

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[Long] The Life of Parmish [Part 1]

There were once two young brothers from India, Parmish and Dudah, who decided one day to travel the world. They went to London, France, China, Japan, and many other countries. They ate all the exotic food they came across and explored many different cultures and experiences.

At their last st...

What’s a woman’s favorite body part?

I can’t remember what it’s called but it’s on the tip of my tongue.

Whats the best part of killing a hooker?

The second hour is free.

The most expensive part of having kids?

all the wine you have to drink

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Do you know what the toughest part about being a gay, black, police officer is?

The discrimination.

My Alg II teacher told us this one (Part 1)

There was a man named Boodro who lives in Louisiana. He has had just gotten done crab fishing and had went into town with a bucket full of crabs. His friend Tibbideux comes out of a nearby store, and sees his bucket. Tibbideux says, "Hey, what's in that bucket?" And Boodro replies, "I got crabs in t...

What is the worst part about having to go to a daycare as a police officer

There is always at least one kid napping and a bunch resisting a rest

A boy named Carol had a particularly rough childhood because of his uncommon name. He always got a lot of teasing and abuse at school. Eventually, he overcame his hang-up and married his high-school sweetheart.

When their first child was born, he let his wife name her.

She named the baby girl "Love" inspired in the same spirit as Carol's unique name.

Unfortunately, Love grew up and endured much of the same teasing that Carol did, because of her strange name.

She came home from school...

What's the worst part of getting stoned with cannibals?

You've got to be really specific when you ask them to pass you a joint.

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How do you call the part between grandma's tits?

Her pussy

Best part of getting an amnesia

Finding tons of original jokes on reddit.

My wife keeps insisting that I tell her my favorite body part and vegetable

I told her eye yam but she doesnt listen

Why is Orion's Belt the best part of the constellation?

Because anything else would be more than a waist of space.

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A charity worker stopped me in the street and asked if I fancied taking part in a marathon.

I was going to decline but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties.


I thought, fuck me, I might win this

A multi part joke my dad used to tell.

Why did the turtle cross the road ?
To get to the Shell station.

Why did the turtle go to the Shell station?
He needed Turtle Wax.

Why did the turtle need Turtle Wax?
He wanted to camouflage his shell.

Why did the turtle want to camouflage his shell?
He wanted to hi...

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Headache & testicles

Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.

He eventually decides to go and see a Doctor.

The Doctor says, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.

The bad news is that it will require removing your testicles.

You have a very rare condition...

The worst part of buying a feng shui book...

is trying to figure out where to put it.

What's the most profitable part of owning a lemonade stand?

Selling the antidote.

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Can you imagine being part of a discussion on ant puns?

I cAnt even Anticipate that bAnter

A 17-year-old boy who works part time at Pizza Hut drives up to park in front of his house in a beautiful Porche

Naturally, his parents know that there’s no way he earned enough with his after-school job to buy such a car.
“Where did you get that car?” his mom and dad screamed in shock.

“I bought it today,” replied the teen calmly.

“With what money young man?” his mom demands. “We know how mu...

A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint. The barkeeper says, "You're on here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"

The horse replies, "I don't think I am" and vanishes from existence.

See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'I think, therefore I am'. But to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be putting Descartes before the horse.

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What’s the worst part about getting a rectal cavity search at the airport?

They don’t let you jerk off!

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Changing diapers is the hardest part about having kids

You can't half ass it.

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Three men with tiny body parts meet up...

One has tiny hands, one has tiny feet, and one has a tiny penis. They all think theirs are the tiniest in the world. So they go to Guinness World Records to make it official.
The first guy walks in, and comes out with a plaque in his hand and a big smile on his face, and says, “I have the tinies...

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What's the hardest part of having a "it's not working" conversation with your japanese girlfriend?

You need to drop the bomb twice

A guy was boarding a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight

“This is exciting!” the guy thought. “I’ve always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I’ll be able to see him in person.” Suddenly, the man realized his seat was right next to the Pope!

In the beginning, the gentleman was too shy to speak to His Holiness.

Shortly after take-off, the Po...

The best part of a euphemism?

You can take it any way you want it...

Do you know what the hardest part of becoming a vegetarian is?

To quit cold turkey.

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Which is the most sensitive part of your body when you're jerking off?



Ears. You need to know whether your mom is cumming or not.

I am from Taiwan. I am not good at English spelling but I tried my best.

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