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What's the most sensitive part of a man's body during masturbation?

His ears.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A charity worker stopped me in the street and asked if I fancied taking part in a marathon.

I was going to decline but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties.

I thought, fuck me, I might win this

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A man in Melbourne walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of cabbage. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter...

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old bastard outside wants to buy half a head of cabbage."

As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man had followed and was standing right behind him, so the boy quickly added, "...and this gentleman kindly o...

What's the worst part about being an egg?

You only get laid once and it's by your mum.

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

The wheelchair

I was trying to pull a girl in a bar, so I asked her 'What part of my body is as long as your thigh, contains over 120 muscles, and is an anagram of "pensi"?'

It was as she pulled my pants down in the bedroom five minutes later that I revealed the answer was my spine.

Just been arrested by the police after recently being given the part of Romeo in my local theater.

The script clearly said ‘Enter Juliet from behind’.

Do you want to know the real reason I can’t be part of a threesome?

I can only handle disappointing one person at a time.

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What is the worst part about your cake day?

No one gives a fuck.

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Wife: Harry what the heck? I thought you were fixing the fucking sink!

Husband: Well yeah, I'm watching a video on how to do it.

Wife: And when does that part come?

Husband: Probably after he finishes fucking her.

The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"

Flora blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question." The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" "That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye." "Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That’s correct." She then ...

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An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "W...

"Sorry, we don't serve your kind around these parts" says the bartender.

A tachyon walks into a bar.

I like math for the most part...

But graphing is where I draw the line.

What’s the most important part of telling a pizza joke?

It’s not delivery, it’s DiGiorno

What do you call a 1 armed man who does karate?

Partial arts

What's the worst part about a self-deprecating joke?

I'm too stupid to make one.

What part of the body hurts the most when it snaps?


Sean Connery auditioned for the "City Bank" commercials, but didn't get the part.

Also, he only ever asked his wife once to "come sit on his lap"

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The worst part about church is that you’re constantly switching between sitting, standing and kneeling, says a confessant.

why can’t the priest just pick a position and fuck me already!

What part of Italy has the highest crime rate,

The spaghetto

I sold all my body parts to feed my gambling addiction.

Maybe I should quit while I’m a head

The best part of insomnia is...

It's only 10 more sleeps until Christmas!

You know what the worst part of Grandma's dementia was?

When she forgot about Dre.

What body part varies in size, smells, and gets sore if you blow it too much?

A nose.

A guy walks into a car part store...

He says to the man behind the counter, "I need a gas cap for a Geo Metro."

The guy behind the counter thinks for a second and then says, "I think that's a fair trade."

What’s the male ghosts favorite part of a female ghost?

Her boooooobies.

"This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.

"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."

The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.

"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.

I live in such a sketchy part of town that I don’t let my kids go out at night.

They might just rob someone.

Hear about the pimp who wanted to do his part to support the victims of a disaster?

He sent THOTs and prayers.

The hardest part of making skimmed milk

Is throwing the cows across a lake

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations,

the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be d...

I got a part in a movie called Cocaine.

I only have the one line.

What's the worst part about being an anti-Vaxxer parent?

Having to deal with the terrible twos and the mid life crisis at the same time.

What is Forrest Gump’s favorite part of US currency?

The pen-nay

What is an astronaut's favorite part of a computer?

The space bar.

What’s the worst part about hooking up with an italian girl.

She’s never impressed with your meat/balls.

What’s the hardest part of giving birth to a shampoo bottle?

Head and shoulders

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Right now I'm part of one of the largest networks on Earth.

The sewer-connected butts.

The worst part about being really good at keeping secrets is that...

Nobody knows.

Don't say "Part A" backwards.

It's a trap!

What was Matthew McConaughey's least favourite part of Interstellar?

When the girl gets older, and he stays the same age.

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Can you graft skin from your backside onto another part of your body?

Ass skin for a friend...

“He looks just like his grandfather”—- a sweet thing to say about a new baby in most parts of the world.

In Alabama, it’s an accusation.

Do you know the funniest part of doing an office conga-line?

When you look back and realise you’re doing it alone and you’re not in an office, you’re in a psychiatric hospital.

What do noodles call the shady part of town?

The Spaghetto.

What do you call someone who’s part Jew?


What’s the best part about living in Switzerland?

Well, actually I’m not sure, but the flag is a big plus.

I just replaced a bunch of parts on my Chevy muscle car and made it a Pontiac muscle car.

Now it’s a trans Trans-Am.

What’s the toughest part about being Batman?

Knowing that you’ll never make your parents proud.

What's the best part about summer in the U.S.?

3 months of no school shootings.

What's the hardest part about buying a new boomerang?

Trowing away the old one!

What do you call the sketchy parts of Italy?

The Spaghettos :)

Bad part about being a bomb disposal technician.....

It takes me 6 hours to open my Christmas presents.

What's the worst part about making out with a 1/10?

The mirror making your lips cold.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The worst part about self loathing is...

I could get help, but fuck that guy.

Why was "Morgen" the only spoken part of a greeting?

It was "Guten" free

What’s the hardest part of raising unvaccinated kids?

Finding a reliable necromancer.

My daughter made a giant pair of shears from outdated computer parts in art class at school

She called it “Cutting hedge technology”

Times are tough and I wanted to make some easy extra cash for the holidays, so I took on a part time job as a postman. However, I quit on my first day, right after they handed me my first letter to deliver...

I looked at it and said, “This isn’t for me.”

What's the best part

About a hooker dying on you?

The 2nd hour is free.

What was the best part of dating in Soviet Russia?

The red flags never came as a surprise.

An elderly woman wants half a head of lettuce... (2 part joke)

An elderly woman wants half a head of lettuce at a grocery store, so she tells the young man at the checkout, "I would like to buy half a head of lettuce." The young man says, "I'm sorry we only sell whole heads of lettuce." The old woman says, "Well you see I'm old, and I don't eat very much, and...

You can't perform a religious ceremony with only using a few parts of a ladder

Two rungs don't make a rite

What’s the best part about being a flight attendant?

Walking down the aisle and saying “trash” to everyone’s face

I'm a fruit. If you take away my first letter, I'm a body part. If you take away my first and last letter, I suck. What am I?


The worst part about being both black and Jewish?

Is you have to sit at the back of the oven

I broke part of my Shin Bone off today...

Tibia Continued.

Why are windows the saddest part of a house?

Because they are always surrounded by pane

What do you call a tower made of body parts?

Body Building.