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A Navy Chief rolls onto base and sees two marines, one is digging a hole and the other marine is filling in a hole behind him.

A Navy Chief rolls onto base and sees two marines, one is digging a hole and the other marine is filling in a hole behind him. He doesn’t think much of it until lunch when he goes for a walk and sees the two still at and a whole line of freshly dug and filled in holes. He walks up to them.

C...

Vladimir Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon. The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...

"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."

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Three army officers decide to camp near their base for a night...

There hiking up a hill when a massive storm rolls in, they need shelter, luckily for them they find a small, super run down, old, musty, cabin.

They enter the cabin, and it’s a disaster...

Everything is overturned, animals had clearly screwed the place.

But the storm was inten...

After a day of entertaining the troops, the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders meet with the base commander to discuss the rest of the evening.

“Would you girls like to mess with the enlisted men or the officers this evening?” the commander asks.

​

“I don’t think it matters to the ladies,” the head cheerleader says, “but I’m sure a lot of the girls would like to get something to eat first.”

Whats the difference between an Alkida Base and a Pakistani School?

I don't know man, I just fly the drone.

An American Major arrives at an isolated military base...

... He is quizzing a private.

"Where is the lieutenant?"

"Sir there is no lieutenant assigned to this post."

"I was told there was".

"No there isn't".

"I'm quite sure there is".

The soldier thinks for a moment and says, "Well Major. Allow me to ask a questio...

An Australian sergeant seconded to a US army base, for cultural integration.

An Australian sergeant got seconded to a US army base, for cultural integration.

When he arrived, most of the men were away sweeping a neighbouring region.

But a Security Patrol still guarding the base was out close by when it came under unexpected and intense attack.

All rem...

A base Christmas joke.

Why do engineers confuse Halloween and Christmas?

Because 31 OCT= 25 DEC.

What do you call a loud military base?

A FORTissimmo

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Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help.

After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. "The good news is I can cure your headaches; the bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your s...

The front page is filled with memes in reference to that guy being dragged off of a plane. I can't remember the last time the entire reddit user base was so...

... United.

Last night I made it to base 16

Had a lot of hex

A boy is sitting in class learning about logarithms

The teacher asks the class, "how do we change bases?"

The boy excitedly raises his hand and says, "ask her nicely"

I feel like 2nd base is a really

Touchy subject

How do you neutralize Lords of Acid?

With some Ace of Base.

On a hot, windless day the president was out touring a new wind farm. Frustrated by the lack of good video footage, the president knocks on the base of a turbine and asks, “Why won’t this thing spin for me?”

“Oh, its not a huge fan.” The developer explained.

What's the difference between a terrorist base and a children's hospital?

I don't know, they just pay me to fly the drones.

Thymine is a nitrogenous base found in RNA.

No U.

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said one, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, and announced, "Twenty...

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A low-ranking general gets transferred to an all- male military base in the middle of nowhere in the Middle East.

There's not a woman for miles. After a few weeks there, the general develops certain tensions that need to be released, so he summons his adjutant and asks the adjutant what the men do in this situation.

The adjutant nods and tells the general "There's a camel in the tent at the edge of the ...

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Jack tells his doctor that he can no longer sustain an erection. After a complete examination, the doctor tells Jack, "The problem is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There's really nothing I can do unless you're willing to try an experimental treatment."

"We would take the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis."

The thought of going through life without ever having sex again was too much for Jack, so he agreed to try the treatment.

A few weeks after the operation, Jack was given the green light to try...

A survey showed that England had the highest Star Wars fan base in the world...

I guess the fourth is really with them.

What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major

What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

What do you get if you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A flat minor.

What do you get if you drop a piano on a beehive?

B flat.

What do you get if you drop a piano on a Morris Marina?

An episode of Top Gear.

Donald Trump's advisers worry he could lose support from his base, so they suggested he change his hairstyle to better connect with white, rural voters...

...he's going to mullet over.

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Two soldiers are returning back to base after a night out.

On the way, one of the two gentlemen has the urge to shit. He tells his comrade “Dude I really have to shit. Can we try to find somewhere quickly?” The other replies “No dude we’re gonna be late.” Our desperate soldier can't hold it anymore so he says “I’m going in the garden here. Don’t look.” “Ok”...

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Three men go before the Queen to be rewarded for their service.

Three British soldiers gruesomely wounded in Afghanistan meet the Queen, who wishes to reward them for their loyal service.

The first soldier is in a wheelchair. He has very long arms. The Queen takes one look at him and says "Measure this man from fingertip to fingertip and pay him 1,000 po...

The best pizza I ever had was just a plain dough base

Nothing topped that.

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"No Jews Allowed"

A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:

'Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send...

Why does the military stockpile hydrochloric acid?

To neutralize their enemy's strongest bases.

There are 10 types of people in this world

Those that understand binary, those that don't and those who didn't expect this joke to be in base 3.

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The goat at the base of the hill

A man is new to town and steps in the local pub for a drink. After a couple drinks he decides to ask the bartender

"Where are the women around here? I need to get laid."

The bartender says "You're not gonna find any around here, but there is a goat at the base of the hill..."
...

On the base a Private First Class (PFC) was working in the car repair shop. The phone rang.

He answered. The man on the phone asked, "When will my car be fixed?"

PFC: "Can't talk now I am working on some annoying General's car."

General: "Do you know who this is?"

PFC: "No."

General: "This is the ANNOYING GENERAL!"

PFC: "Well, do you know who this is...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A new soldier, fresh out of boot camp, is deployed to a remote base in Afghanistan.

After about a week, the young soldier is approached by his Staff Sergeant.

"Private, how is everything?" he asks.

"It's ok sir, it's just so desolate out here. Some of the guys have been deployed here for months... there's no women anywhere... what do they do.... you know, for women...

First base, second base, psh. I get home runs.

As soon as they see me, they're out of the park.

There was a bad accident at the Air Force base.

A jeep ran over a bag of popcorn and killed two kernels.

A man sees a sign that says "Free Steaks" at the base of a mountain.

"How'd you get those steaks?" The man asked to a hiker, with 3 steaks in his pack.

"You have to get to the top of the peak to get them"

"Man those are some high steaks.."

What do you get when you combine an equally strong acid and base?

Net neutrality.

An acid and a base walk into a bar

The police later arrested the two for a salt.

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My coach told me to make it to third base

He was pissed, but his daughter loved it.

Why does it take longer to get from 2nd base to 3rd base than it does to get from 3rd base to home?

Because there is a short-stop between...

Which Halloween costume has the hardest time getting to third base?

The Headless horseman

Why did the paint job in the Autobots home base look so nice?

Because Optimus Primed!

A base-12 number system is good in theory

but it dozen stand a chance in practice.

It was early morning at the military base...

... and the first sergeant was calling out names for the daily work parties listed on a piece of paper:


"Ames"


"Here!"


"Jenson"


"Here!"


"Jones"


"Here!"


"Magersky"


"Here!"


"Seeback"

No answer....

A Colonel's wife was walking her dog in a military base.

She was pleased by the snappy salutes she received from a couple of soldiers who passed by.

The effect was lost when she overheard one soldier ask the other, "who is she?" and the other answered, "Don't know...but it is the colonel's dog!"

Some acids walked into the enemy base...

Threat Neutralized.

I can't find the army base, so I've typed the address into my GPS.

Apparently I need to go left, left, left, right, left.

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Erectile dysfunction...

Bob can't get an erection so he goes to the doctor.
The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery.
Bob asks what the surgery is and the doctor tells him they take some muscles from the ...

What group of creatures go by the base-8 code number 3.110375524210264302151423063050560067016321122011160210514763071...?

Octopi.

My baseball coach told me to steal first base..

So I grabbed it and ran as fast as I could!

I was playing baseball with my friend Tandra and she was pitching. I hit the ball straight into left field and made it to second base.

That's a double on Tandra.

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Why don't blind people base jump?

It scares the fuck out of the seeing eye dogs.

Twenty thousand years into the future...

The astrobiology intern suddenly perks up at his station.
Intern: "Professor, we're receiving a periodic transmission from the direction of the Fr36 planetoids. I've converted the transmission into base 10 numerals and it keeps saying 14-5-22-5-18 7-15-14-14-1 7-9-22-5 25-15-21 21-16"
Professo...

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A koala bear and a lizard are sitting in a tree smoking a joint...

The koala bear eats a lot of eucalyptus and is a little bit bigger so his tolerance is pretty good. The lizard however is a lightweight and loses his shit very quickly. He says to the koala bear “I’m gonna need a drink of water.” So he walks down the branch and takes a drink out of the river. All of...

I'm not native speaker, how would you rate this ?

A student is taking the chemistry class. The subject is acids and bases. An another student can't figure out whether NH3 is an acid or a base. The student tells him "Oh, it's so basic! How can't you know that ?"


Or should I say, is it a proper joke ?

In baseball, why does it take longer to get from second to third than any other bases?

Because there's a short stop in between.

Why aren't jokes in base 8 funny?

Because 7, 10, 11.

One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers.

One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers. They traveled to a Hydra base surrounded by four barriers.

When they got to the first barrier, Hulk smashed it.

When they got to the second barrier, Tony Stark fired up his Iron Man suit and blasted a hole through it.

When they got to the t...

Felons would be a really valuable voting base...

After all, we know they have conviction.

I couldn't get past first base with the native girl

she had her reservations

A woman joins the army....

A woman was walking through a store when she noticed a colorful flyer pinned to a billboard. It reads:

JOIN THE ARMY NOW! You will receive benefits such as:
• Free college education
• Many veteran benefits
• Experience in many fields of work
• Travel
• Any free car after a sp...

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A soldier is being shown round his new base in Egypt.

A soldier is being shown round his new base in Egypt. The soldier guiding him shows him were the basic things are. Beds, toilets, where to get food etc. Eventually the soldier ask "look this is all very well but, what do you do for sex?" And his guide responds "we use the camels." The soldier thinks...