You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base ...

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.

One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force pl...

A soldier looks at the sky and suddenly yells: "we gotta act fast, it's about to neutralize our base!". His commanding officer says: "What the hell are you talking about, we ain't even at war!?"

The soldier replies: "Acid rain".

So, I'm on base when my sergeant calls me into his office.

He hands me the keys to his SUV and says "Look, I know it's not a new vehicle, but they recently stopped making this model. It's important to me that it not get damaged. I need you to take it and get it washed off-base." I'm taking the duty really seriously, but when I drive by the woods I see th...

I don't think log base 3 is possible...

The log is always the base of the tree

Vladimir Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon. The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...

"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."

You guys ever see the barcode at the base of a condom?

No? Guess you don’t need to unroll it that far

A commander is stationed at a military base

The commander told a soldier to check their position on the map.

Solder: "Sir! We're under a tack!"

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A Navy Chief rolls onto base and sees two marines, one is digging a hole and the other marine is filling in a hole behind him.

A Navy Chief rolls onto base and sees two marines, one is digging a hole and the other marine is filling in a hole behind him. He doesn’t think much of it until lunch when he goes for a walk and sees the two still at and a whole line of freshly dug and filled in holes. He walks up to them.

C...

There are 10 types of people...

People who have no idea where this is going

People who think this is a binary joke

And people who get that this joke is actually in base-3.

After a day of entertaining the troops, the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders meet with the base commander to discuss the rest of the evening.

“Would you girls like to mess with the enlisted men or the officers this evening?” the commander asks.



“I don’t think it matters to the ladies,” the head cheerleader says, “but I’m sure a lot of the girls would like to get something to eat first.”

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Three army officers decide to camp near their base for a night...

There hiking up a hill when a massive storm rolls in, they need shelter, luckily for them they find a small, super run down, old, musty, cabin.

They enter the cabin, and it’s a disaster...

Everything is overturned, animals had clearly screwed the place.

But the storm was inten...

What do you call a loud military base?

A FORTissimmo

Whats the difference between an Alkida Base and a Pakistani School?

I don't know man, I just fly the drone.

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I wrote a book, and the first sentence reads, “There I sat in Central Park, staring at the base of the Empire State Building across the street.”

The title of the book is “I’ve Never Been to New York But I Love Hearing New Yorkers Get Mad At This Shit”

The front page is filled with memes in reference to that guy being dragged off of a plane. I can't remember the last time the entire reddit user base was so...

... United.

An American Major arrives at an isolated military base...

... He is quizzing a private.

"Where is the lieutenant?"

"Sir there is no lieutenant assigned to this post."

"I was told there was".

"No there isn't".

"I'm quite sure there is".

The soldier thinks for a moment and says, "Well Major. Allow me to ask a questio...

A base Christmas joke.

Why do engineers confuse Halloween and Christmas?

Because 31 OCT= 25 DEC.

On a hot, windless day the president was out touring a new wind farm. Frustrated by the lack of good video footage, the president knocks on the base of a turbine and asks, “Why won’t this thing spin for me?”

“Oh, its not a huge fan.” The developer explained.

An Australian sergeant seconded to a US army base, for cultural integration.

An Australian sergeant got seconded to a US army base, for cultural integration.

When he arrived, most of the men were away sweeping a neighbouring region.

But a Security Patrol still guarding the base was out close by when it came under unexpected and intense attack.

All rem...

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said one, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, and announced, "Twenty...

Last night I made it to base 16

Had a lot of hex

I feel like 2nd base is a really

Touchy subject

What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major

What's the difference between a terrorist base and a children's hospital?

I don't know, they just pay me to fly the drones.

Three military wives were at the base PX in Fort Hood fighting over the last toaster on the shelf. The first one says "My husband came back from Afghanistan with a Purple Heart and a Bronze Star. I deserve it."

The second one says "No. My husband came back from Afghanistan with a Purple Heart, a Bronze Star, and the Congressional Medal of Honor. I deserve it."

The third one says "Well, my husband came back from Afghanistan in a body bag. NOW GET YOUR MITTS OFF THAT TOASTER!"

Thymine is a nitrogenous base found in RNA.

No U.

A boy is sitting in class learning about logarithms

The teacher asks the class, "how do we change bases?"

The boy excitedly raises his hand and says, "ask her nicely"

How do you neutralize Lords of Acid?

With some Ace of Base.

What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

What do you get if you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A flat minor.

What do you get if you drop a piano on a beehive?

B flat.

What do you get if you drop a piano on a Morris Marina?

An episode of Top Gear.

A survey showed that England had the highest Star Wars fan base in the world...

I guess the fourth is really with them.

Donald Trump's advisers worry he could lose support from his base, so they suggested he change his hairstyle to better connect with white, rural voters...

...he's going to mullet over.

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Two soldiers are returning back to base after a night out.

On the way, one of the two gentlemen has the urge to shit. He tells his comrade “Dude I really have to shit. Can we try to find somewhere quickly?” The other replies “No dude we’re gonna be late.” Our desperate soldier can't hold it anymore so he says “I’m going in the garden here. Don’t look.” “Ok”...

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Three men go before the Queen to be rewarded for their service.

Three British soldiers gruesomely wounded in Afghanistan meet the Queen, who wishes to reward them for their loyal service.

The first soldier is in a wheelchair. He has very long arms. The Queen takes one look at him and says "Measure this man from fingertip to fingertip and pay him 1,000 po...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new soldier, fresh out of boot camp, is deployed to a remote base in Afghanistan.

After about a week, the young soldier is approached by his Staff Sergeant.

"Private, how is everything?" he asks.

"It's ok sir, it's just so desolate out here. Some of the guys have been deployed here for months... there's no women anywhere... what do they do.... you know, for women...

Why does the military stockpile hydrochloric acid?

To neutralize their enemy's strongest bases.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The goat at the base of the hill

A man is new to town and steps in the local pub for a drink. After a couple drinks he decides to ask the bartender

"Where are the women around here? I need to get laid."

The bartender says "You're not gonna find any around here, but there is a goat at the base of the hill..."
...

The best pizza I ever had was just a plain dough base

Nothing topped that.

On the base a Private First Class (PFC) was working in the car repair shop. The phone rang.

He answered. The man on the phone asked, "When will my car be fixed?"

PFC: "Can't talk now I am working on some annoying General's car."

General: "Do you know who this is?"

PFC: "No."

General: "This is the ANNOYING GENERAL!"

PFC: "Well, do you know who this is...

There was a bad accident at the Air Force base.

A jeep ran over a bag of popcorn and killed two kernels.

Why does it take longer to get from 2nd base to 3rd base than it does to get from 3rd base to home?

Because there is a short-stop between...

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My coach told me to make it to third base

He was pissed, but his daughter loved it.

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Landing on the Moon

In 1969, in the months leading up to the Moon landing, the Apollo 11 astronauts trained in a remote moon-like desert in the western United States. One day as they were training, the astronauts came across an old Native American.


‘What are you doing here?’ the old man asked.


‘We...

Why would the military use acid?

To neutralize the enemy base.

What do you get when you combine an equally strong acid and base?

Net neutrality.

An acid and a base walk into a bar

The police later arrested the two for a salt.

I can't find the army base, so I've typed the address into my GPS.

Apparently I need to go left, left, left, right, left.

Which Halloween costume has the hardest time getting to third base?

The Headless horseman

It was early morning at the military base...

... and the first sergeant was calling out names for the daily work parties listed on a piece of paper:


"Ames"


"Here!"


"Jenson"


"Here!"


"Jones"


"Here!"


"Magersky"


"Here!"


"Seeback"

No answer....

Why did the paint job in the Autobots home base look so nice?

Because Optimus Primed!

A base-12 number system is good in theory

but it dozen stand a chance in practice.

Some acids walked into the enemy base...

Threat Neutralized.

A Colonel's wife was walking her dog in a military base.

She was pleased by the snappy salutes she received from a couple of soldiers who passed by.

The effect was lost when she overheard one soldier ask the other, "who is she?" and the other answered, "Don't know...but it is the colonel's dog!"

What group of creatures go by the base-8 code number 3.110375524210264302151423063050560067016321122011160210514763071...?

Octopi.

I was playing baseball with my friend Tandra and she was pitching. I hit the ball straight into left field and made it to second base.

That's a double on Tandra.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don't blind people base jump?

It scares the fuck out of the seeing eye dogs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.

Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.

He eventually decides to go and see a Doctor.

The Doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicle...

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