Look Like Jokes - 55 Hilarious Look Like Jokes

Why do sperm cells look like commas and apostrophes?

They often interrupt periods and lead to contractions.

My wife said I look like a Greek god.

Her actual words were "Put your clothes on, we're in a museum" but I know what she meant.

My friend once told me, "Your wife and daughter look like twins!"

I replied, " Yeah well, they were separated at birth"

A woman walks into a pharmacy one day and says to the pharmacist, "I’d like a poison that’ll kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes."

The pharmacist says, "Ma'am, not only can I not do that for you, I’m going to have to call the police and report you."

The woman removes something from her pocket and hands it to him. He looks at it and discovers that it’s a picture of her husband making love to the pharmacist's wife.
...

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Why do Apples new headphones look like tampons?

Because they're made exclusively for cunts.

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What does the scrotum of a catholic priest look like?

Stupid question, even a child knows that.

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Looks like f***ing up here

A man, his wife and a good-looking stranger are stranded on a desert island. The wife quickly loses interest in her husband and begins flirting with the good-looking stranger. The three start to build a watchtower.

The stranger offers to take first watch. While the husband and wife gather dr...

She said "If we had kids I wonder what they would look like?"

I said "If we have kids, they'll be wondering what I look like."

"You look like a million bucks",

said Bill Gates disappointedly to his wife.

I'm not sure what the first church on the moon will look like...

But I'm sure the mass will be the same.

What does it look like when someone is drowning?

lol

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what does a nun's asshole look like?

Holey.

I look like a cop but I'm actually a stoner...

I went to the convience store the other day to get rolling papers. I said to the clerk, "Papers, please." He gets upset and yells "Hey man I'm a citizen!"

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Why do penises look like mushrooms?

Because they grow on fun guys
-credit to my wife for this one

I look like a Greek God

painted by Picasso.

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"Dad, what's a vagina look like?"

Reddit's new API pricing has forced third-party apps to close. Their official app is horrible and only serves to track your data. The CEO has blatantly lied and only wishes to exploit the unpaid members of the Reddit community.

Follow me on Mastodon or Lemmy.

Why do iPhone cameras look like a stove top?

Because Tim Cooks.

Wife to husband on their son's 10th birthday: Honey, Kevin still doesn't look like either of us. Why is that?

Husband: Of course he doesn't! Don't you remember when we were leaving the hospital and he had soiled his diaper? You told me to go change him. And I did!

"What do I look like?"

A man comes home from work and is greeted by his wife.
"Honey, my car got a flat, can you fix it for me?"
"What do I look like", He asks "The michelin tire guy? Get me a beer." And goes and watches TV/

The next day his wife greets him again after work.
"Honey, the dishwasher is on t...

I asked my optometrist why he was starting to look like an eyeglass?

And he said it was in order to make a spectacle of himself.

My father told me, "Work until your bank account look like a phone number."...

My available balance is $9.11.

A farmer is trying to grow hydroponic potatoes, but he starts them in test tubes. This results in the potatoes being long with a round bulge at the top, so they look like male genitals.

The farmer tries to sell them to anyone and eventually even posts them online, where he surprisingly starts getting more orders than he can fill; and all from Russia. He’s surprised but grows another batch and they sell out again. He starts worrying there might be something illegal going on so he go...

This morning, I said to my wife: "you look like a million bucks!"

"All green and wrinkled!"

I'm sleeping in my car tonight.

I opened a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats.

Prophets are going through the roof.

My family says I look like a hobbit in all my pictures.

What can I say? I'm very frodogenic.

Somebody told me that I look like a vampire.

I looked in the mirror but I just don't see it.

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Walmart when they collide...

The first old guy says to the second guy,

'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.'

The second old guy says,

'That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little des...

Someone said I look like Thor from The Avengers

They have only seen The End Game

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Do I look like Fucking...

W- can you help me in the garden?
H- do i look like a fucking gardener?
W- well can you help with the door?
H- do i look like a fucking carpenter?
Man leaves for work. Comes back later and it's all done.
H- see I knew you could do it!
W- wasn't me. It was John the neigh...

At first I didn’t like my mustache, because it made me look like a total dad.

But it’s growing on me.

Some would say that putting decorative soaps that look like food in their bathrooms is cute.

But it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

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A wife is tired of all the problems that need fixing in her house

She asks her husband, "Can you please fix the leak in the bathroom? ", the husband says "Do i look like a plumber?"

She asks him "Well can you please fix the light in the living room, its been flickering for ages?", he replies "Do i look like and electrician?"

Growing tired she asks hi...

What would a run on sentence ending in chameleon look like if you took away all the preceding words?

Comma comma comma comma comma chameleon.

Girl you look like trash...

Let me take you out

What do I look like?

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work ...

People tell me I look like my dad.

He’s blind too :(

:Girl, you look like an Angel fallen from Heaven.

:Awwn, that's sweet.
:Nah, you literally are Satan.

After 50 years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister or brother…

the man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.

"Yes, you were son," his mother said as she started to cry softly. "but it didn't work out and they brought you back."

I Look Like a ..

The broccoli says
'I look like a small tree',
the mushroom says
I look like an umbrella',
the walnut says
look like a brain'
and the banana says
"Can we please change the
subject?'

What does Antarctica look like without ice?

Don't worry, we'll find out in a few years

What does a website for orphans look like?

Pretty empty, there’s not even a homepage.

What does a Trump voter in the hood look like?

It’s impossible to know, that’s why they wear them.

Someone told me I look like a Greek god:

Incredibly vain, melodramatic fool who’s parents are probably siblings.

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My wife went into a coma recently and the doctor said it doesn't look like we have many options.

After a month in a coma, my wife's doctor comes to me and says that there's a way to awake her from this coma but it's rather unconventional.

I asked the Dr what needed to happen and he tells me that the only way to wake her is by oral sex.

After about 5 minutes I come out of room conf...

What’s the least amount of costume needed to convincingly look like a bear?

Bear Minimum

My wife spoke to me while staring into her mirror, she said 'I'm old, getting fat and look like I haven't slept for a week, I need a compliment'

I said 'Your eyesight is perfect'

How did Epstien's killers make it look like a suicide?

They used A LOT of coverup

You look like a trillion German marks in 1929.

Huge but also worthless

A newly married couple

A newly married couple make their way to bed and everything is going well until...

"Ooh! Oh! Look at that! What's wrong with it?" cries the bride.

"It's just my junk!" says the groom, offended.

"Yes, but's what's wrong with it? They're not supposed to look like that! It's all tw...

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Doctor! Doctor! My brains look like my testicles!

I’m sorry, son. It’s a serious case of cerebral ballsy.

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We should have known that this year was going to look like ass

After all hind sight is 2020

Edited from my previous post

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People have been saying that I look like my cousin

I used the man filter on my face and look the spitting image of my cousin.

I showed it to her and she's pissed off with me now.

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A man got a haircut that made him look like a penis.

Between you and me, that guy's a real dickhead.

What does South Korea look like after a nuclear war with North Korea?

Not a Seoul there.

Bob Kraft doesn’t look like a Bob...

He looks more like a john to me

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