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"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."

I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014 at 10:37 am.

I’m not having much luck with jobs lately.

I couldn’t concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn’t suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn’t cut it as barber; didn’t have the patience to be a doctor; didn’t fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn’t see any future as a his...

How much do Chinese dumplings weigh?

Wonton.

A women called me ugly until she found how much money I make.

Now she’s calling me ugly and poor.

My rock collection isn't worth much...

But it has sedimental value

A guy walks into the bar of a restaurant and goes to the bartender and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender replies "$1".

The customer completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender "Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire cheesecake for desert?"

The Bartender reply's "$5". The guy still amazed then orders everything and after he is done eating his ...

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Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day, he comes across a Harley with a "for sale" sign on it.

The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years. "Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and i...

My wife told me I spend too much time on Reddit.

She told me that she’s going to slam my head into the keyboard the next time she catches me on this site.

I told her I’m the King of the Castle. I’m the man. I’m th mdjsinxnsks xnxn an . Kfizkn, xnxk’cj’O&:9m
&:&ndjchsnapn :!.kskn !&/9nmsosk/ raeqbsn

Why do pirates love Reddit so much?

Everything starts with “R” followed by a slash.

Dad joke: What's blue and doesn't weigh very much?

Light blue.

I love eggs so much, that I recently switched over to ostrich eggs.

Have you seen those eggs? They’re huge, they’re basically the equivalent of 24 chicken eggs. Let me tell you, I love eggs so much, that I could eat them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I started eating an ostrich egg each day, and that’s more than enough to fill me up for the day.

As much ...

A blonde goes up to a priest and asks,"Do you know how much it is to rent a church singing group?"

He replied,"Do you mean a choir?"

She snaps back,"Ok,acquire a church singing group."

How much coke did Charlie sheen snort?

Enough to kill two and a half men!

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Why are female orgasms so much different from men's?

Because their O varies.

How much room do you need to make a fungus?

As mushrooms as possible

I just told my best mate how much I love Beyonce.

She said 'whatever floats your boat'. So I said no, that's buoyancy.

How much room is needed for fungi to grow?

As mushroom as possible.

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I took so much camp counsellor dick

I got a woodworking badge

How much will the EU loose after brexit?

About 1 GB.

A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. "How much is that Barbie in the window?" he asks the shop assistant. "Which Barbie? responds the worker.

"We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95 and Divorced Barbie for $395.00."

The guy asks, "Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others?"...

My friend used to boast about how much super glue he could eat

He now keeps his mouth shut

If Britain leaves the EU, how much space will be freed up?

1GB

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Q: How much juice could a Beetlejuice juice if a Beetlejuice could juice beetles?

A: A Beetlejuice would j... ohhh shit

I recently got an alcohol tester fitted to my wallet to make sure I don’t drink too much when I’m driving.

It’s a picture of my wife, when she starts looking good I know I’ve had too much.

My wife got onto me the other day, claiming I spent too much time moistening food while cooking

Thinking the accusations as ridiculous, I asked:

"Baste on what?"

My grandfather said, "Your generation relies too much on technology."

I replied, "No, *your* generation relies too much on technology" and turned off his life support.

I haven't cut my hair in a long time. Initially, when it started getting a bit long, it was irritating and I doubted whether it was worth the effort. But lately it's not been so much of a hassle anymore. Maybe long hair isn't so bad after all...

Seems like it's growing on me.

My brother tried to argue that earthquakes are much worse than volcanoes because volcanoes are cool.

I shook my head and told him his argument is on shaky ground.

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I may not have much else going for me, but at least I know I've got a cute butt.

Whenever I finish talking to a woman and I start to walk away they always say, "Finally! Thank you!"

You're welcome, ladies.

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I decided to calculate how much semen I've ejaculated in my lifetime...

I figure the average male ejaculates 3ml of fluid every time, based on an internet source.

I then figure I started at age 12, and then I guessed my daily average discharge rate would be around 2 times per day in my lifetime since age 12, and I am now 30.

So, doing some math, I've come ...

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I asked a Hooker once as to how much she gets paid for an Anal.

She said $1000.


I felt bad for my Wife. She doesn't even get a warning.

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An uneducated man decides to give college a second chance. He walks up to the Dean of his local community college and says, "I want to learn something new, I haven't learned much and I want to learn more,". "Great, which class would you like to take?" said the Dean.

"Which classes do you offer?" responded the man.

"We have all sorts of classes, from science to logic," said the Dean.

"What's logic?" asked the man.

"Well, I can use information to assume something." Said the Dean.

"How?" asked the Man.

"Take this scenario, d...

Words and phrases can change so much over time

‘Black market’ meant something entirely different 200 years ago.

How much to pirates pay for corn?

A buccaneer

A man walks into a barbershop and asks, “How much for a haircut?”

"Twelve dollars,” says the barber.

“And for a shave?”

“Ten dollars.”

“All right,” says the man, settling into the barber chair. “Shave my head.”

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Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, "You died in your sleep, Bob." Bob was stunned, "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!"

St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken."

Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.

The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.

A ro...

Why is working at the abortion clinic so much fun?

They bring out the kid in you.

How much does a Chinese dumpling weigh?

Wonton (credit: seen on SAT FB group)

The doctor asked me "How much do you drink?"

Me - About 5-6 drinks

Doc - Oh. That's slightly more per week, but ok

Me - Ah, per week, then about 30

Doc - 30 beers per week?! That is too much!

Me - Oh. I have to count beers too?

How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?

A buccaneer

If you like Saturn so much

Then why don’t you become an astrophysicist and engineer, study it in depth, design new craft to fly there and examine the planet, write multiple research papers, give regular talks and become the worlds leading expert on Saturn.

How much cake do you feed a snake?

Only a slither

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How much do I hate having diarreha?

Shitloads

How much thyme does Mike Tyson put into his spaghetti?

About twenty minutes

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Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too much...

It scared the shit out of me.
So today I decided I'm never reading again.

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Three women are at an exclusive health club in Miami. They are debating how much to tip the towel boy.

Edith says, “I’ll give him five bucks.” Esther says, “I’ll give him ten.” “What about you, Rose, what are you going to tip him?” asked Edith. “I’m going to give him sex,” she said.
“Huh? Are you crazy?” asked Esther.
“No. In fact, I was wondering about this yesterday. So I called my husband,...

A guy ate so much toast, he got bored of it.

The next day, he overtoast.

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