My friend thought he was being smart, and said “Onions are the only food that makes you cry”.

So I shoved a carrot up his ass

What Type of Drink Makes you Lose Weight?

Lighter fluid

I was in my room and saw a group of 10 ants running around frantically. I felt bad and made a small house for them out of cardboard. This technically makes me their landlord and they are my ..

Tenants

What phrase is 5 words long, makes you a part of a secretly hated society, is as infective as a virus and stays in your memory forever, but is only mentioned on occasion?

“I just lost the game”

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Husband: Babe can you tell me something that makes me feel good and bad at the same time?

Wife: Out of all your friends you have the biggest dick.

Puns makes me numb.

Math puns make me number.

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What's 6 inches long, pink and makes my girlfriend moan all day?

Her fucking tongue

If pronouncing my v's as b's makes me sound Russian

Then soviet.

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On the first night of their honeymoon, the new bride tells her husband, "I have a confession to make. I'm not a virgin. I've been with one other guy." "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" "Tiger Woods, the golfer." "Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can understand that."

The couple then makes passionate love.

When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

"I'm hungry. I'm calling room service."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to...

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A young newlywed couple finally makes it back to the honeymoon suite.

As they started to undress, the groom takes off his socks and the bride sees these huge gnarly growths on the groom's toes. She asks him what they were.
Groom says "When I was little I had a case of tolio." Bride says, "Don't you mean polio?". "Nope, tolio" he replied.

Then he takes off ...

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A boy makes money from his Mom's lover

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.

Unknown to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hide her lover in the closet.

The boy now has company.

Boy: “Dark in here.”
Man: “Yes it is.”
Boy...

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There's a porn site that makes you watch 30 minutes of dwarf-MILF action before you can access any other content.

That's the bare mini-mum.

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A man invents a device that makes food come to life

He's been working on this project for years, his family, those he trusted enough to tell, never believed in him. "Now they'll see" he thought. His device was ready and he got out a small piece of ham from the refrigerator and placed it into the containment chamber. He crossed his fingers and pushed ...

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A sperm cell contains about 37.5 MB of information. There are about 100 million sperm cells per ml; the average ejaculation is about 2.25ml, and takes about 5 seconds. This makes the average bandwith of the human penis 1687 TB/sec

I know, that's a lot of information to swallow.

My gf asks me,"Honey,do these pants make me look fat?"

"No"I said,"Your fat makes you look fat"

And that's when the fight started

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Did you hear Mary Poppins stopped wearing lipstick whilst giving head?

Apparently the super colour fragile lipstick makes the dicks atrocious.

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A man says to his wife "honey, I bet you can't tell me something that makes me both happy, and sad, at the same time..."

Without almost no hesitation "you have the biggest penis, out of all of your friends."

What do you call a pain reliever that makes you curse?

I be profane.

Man makes a toast

Man hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!”

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, , “I won the prize for the Best toast of the night”

She said, “Aye, did ye ...

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What makes Hitler and Jake Paul different

Hitler knew when to kill himself

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They say alcohol makes you horny.

But I can’t even get my dick in the bottle.

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My mom doesnt want me to play videogames because she said it makes you violet

Well I don't believe her bullshit. I'm light brown.

Why is an engineer able to toast bread five different ways but cannot make French toast?

This makes Why's dad proud.

My wife makes a great stew

Really gonna miss her though.

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Guy walks up to his wife and tells her to say something that makes him both happy and sad.

She thought about it for a minute and replied, “out of all your friends you have the biggest dick”

What do you call it when someone makes fun of your facial hair?

A side-burn

What do they call a chemist who makes sodas?

A fizzycist.

What makes Switzerland a great country?

I’m not sure, but the flag is a big plus

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Masturbation makes you deaf

Click the L button bellow to hear why. It's just a 30 seconds audio.



\[L - button\]

Who says beer makes you dumb?

It made budweiser.

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