Why are NSFW tag still a thing?

Like any of us still have a job.

Why is prostitution illegal?

Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them

The bar staff asks why the non-linear structure?

Quentin Tarantino walks into a bar.

Why do mermaids wear seashells?

They out grew their b-shells.

Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?

Because it didn't habanero.

Why are hurricanes usually named after women?

Because when they come, they are wild and wet. But when they leave, they take your house and your car.

Why haven’t aliens visited our solar system yet?

They checked the reviews.. only 1 star

Why does Batman leave his lower face visible?

So cops can see that he's white

6 was scared of 7 because 7,8,9 but why did 7 eat 9?

Because you are supposed to eat 3 squared meals per day

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mate down the pub asked me last night “why do you have so many sex noises saved to your phone?”

I said, "It's for sound effects during sex."

He asked, "Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?"

I replied, "No, I work in a morgue''.

At the parole hearing, the officer asked, "Tell me, why should you be released early?" The inmate responded, "It’s bec..."

Officer: Yes?

Inmate: I think I have..

Officer: Go on.

Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?

Officer: Sure. Parole denied.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is every American receiving a $1200 check?

Because Trump always pay off the people he's fucked.

Why are crimes in the 'Deep South' so hard to solve?

There's no dental records & all the DNA matches...

Why is dark spelled with a K instead of a C

Because you can’t C in the dark

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?

"Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays $15.

When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs.

When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!" The girls laughs too.

When the dad gets home the parr...

Passenger: why should I have to wear a mask if yours works?

Passenger: why should I have to wear a mask if yours works?

Driver: damn good point *turns off headlights*

Passenger: what are you doing it’s dark

Driver: chill the other cars have them on

You know why women's eyes are so noticeable these days?

It's the mask era.

Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics?

because they practice at the best schools

Why are there two "d"s in reddit?

The second one's a repost

My little daughter came to me all excited, shrieking, “Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I’ll be in October!” Playing along, I laughed, “Oh I don’t know princess, why don’t you tell me?” She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers...

It’s now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won’t say where she got them...

Why does 0 = 1?

Cos 0 = 1

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft.

The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds. It concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.

After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. The...

Why was my post removed

Can someone from admin please explain to me why my post was removed?

I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over.

Why are women so bad at parking cars?

Because for the last 200 years they’ve been told that three inches are actually six.

Why was the antivaxxers 5 year old crying?

Mid Life crisis

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked a friend why she prefers Russian porn

She said because Russian porn gets me Soviet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

why are black people so good at basketball?

because they practice

Why were the ants unaffected by the covid virus?

They have lil anty bodies.

Why was Pavlov’s dog’s hair so soft?

Because he conditioned it

Boss: Why do you-

Me: *sshhh*

Boss: What is your biggest wea-

Me: *sshhh*

Boss: (whispering) you're hired. Welcome to the library.

A Chinese kid asks his father, "Dad, why do they say, that all Chinese people look alike ?"

He replies, "I'm not your dad."

I saw a 5 legged woman crying and I asked her why

She said she could never get shoes to match. I tried to console her so I said “at least your knickers fit like a glove”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Chinese people love IPhones and Apple products?

Because the greatest gifts are the ones your children made.

(inspired by u/lorenzomofo 's comment on a
r/nextfuckinglevel post)

Why do golf announcers whisper?

Because they don’t want to wake up the people watching.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Jews get circumcised?

Because Jewish women refuse to touch anything that isn’t at least 10% off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do people refuse to wear masks?

Because they can't stand the smell of the shit that comes out of their mouth.

Why do British people say British like Bri ish?

Because they drank the t.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do cumshots drip into belly buttons?

It's sea men trying to get to the navel base.

Why do men usually die first?

Because we want to.

Why was 00000111 afraid of 00001000

Because 8-bit 9

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?









Because when he asked them their favorite composer, they said Bach Bach bach

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A king summons three of his most loyal subjects to a meeting

The king looks at the first man, who was named Rand.

"Rand, kiss my hand!" he orders.

Rand obeys him and kisses his hand. The king looks at the second subject, who was called Lee.

"Lee, kiss my knee!"

Lee obeys and kisses his king's knee. The king turns in the direction o...

Why'd the gardener get banned from the hospital?

He kept watering the vegetables.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches...

A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches. He goes to a bunch of doctors, runs any test imaginable, and no one can figure out why. One day a doctor tells him- “I think we figured out a solution, but you’re not going to like it. If we cut off your balls, the constant headache will stop”. ...

Why do police get to protests early?

To beat the crowd.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is homosexuality still not accepted?

Because too many people are fucking assholes.

6 was afraid of 7 because 789. But why did 7 eat 9?

Because he needed 3² meals a day.

Why do white girls always travel in odd numbers?

Because they literally can’t even.

Why do North Koreans draw the straightest lines?

Because they have a supreme ruler

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Boomers make the best sugar daddies?

They're the best at fucking future generations.


Edit: u/squee45 for the superior punchline.


Edit 2 electric bugaloo: You all wanted to know what the original punchline was, so it was "they're the best at fucking the next generation"

Do you know why cowgirls are bowlegged?

Because cowboys eat with their hats on.

My wife said, “Why don’t you stop with your terrible jokes and write a book instead?”

I said, “That’s .....a novel idea.”

Why are E.T's eyes so big?

He saw his phone bill

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

They’re really good at it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Trump keep fucking america?

Because it's cheaper than fucking his wife.

Why doesn’t Batman have super vision?

Because his parents died

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do blonde girls have bruises around their belly buttons?

Because blonde guys aren't that smart either.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mom asked me to bring her something hard to write on.

I have no clue why she got so mad. It's pretty fucking hard to write on sand.

why did 10 have PTSD?

because he was stuck right between 9/11

When I got my license I didn't have money for a car, so I robbed a bank. Anyway, as I was being dragged off to jail my mother wanted to know why I did it. So I told her the truth:

"I did it for the car, ma!"

I don't know why the beautiful attendant at IKEA reported me to the police

All I asked was, "How much for one night stand?"

Why did dracula get tested for covid-19?

Because of his coffin

Why is the Invisible Man the worst lawyer?

He can never appear in court.

Why did the capacitor kiss the diode?

He just couldn’t resistor.

Why can't Barbie get pregnant?

because Ken comes in a different box

I don't know why people claim that Redditors don't have girlfriend. For instance, I got one.

She just goes to another school.

One day, Pete complained to his friend, “My head really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor.”

His friend said, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply tell it the problem, put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose it and tell you what you can do about the issue you’re having. It only costs $...

Why cant you tell a Kleptomaniac a joke?

Because they take things, Literally

I don't know why so many people thought Cats was a bad movie.

They played it on my flight home and there were only two walkouts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl walks into the confession stand in a church...

Girl: “Forgive me father for I have sinned.”

Priest: “What have you done my child?”

Girl: “I called a man a son of a bitch.”

Priest: “Why did you call him a son of a bitch?”

Girl: “Because he touched my hand.”

Priest: “Like this?” (as he touches her hand)

Gi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are circumsized penises so popular among Jewish girls?

They love anything that's 15% off

Just a joke lol

I don’t get why everyone says I’m a misogynist

I don’t massage people - that’s a woman’s job

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

...because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between a cooking pot and his best friend?

They're both cauldron

Why I Fired My Secretary

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.


I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me.


As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alon...

Why I won’t be voting for Trump or Biden

I’m Indian

Why did the chicken cross the road?







To take a photo in front of a church.

Why does a photon not weigh much?

Because it's light.

Why wouldn’t the Italian chef’s car start?

Because he had gnocchis.

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put on the wrong socks this morning.

Do you know why Hindu worship Lord Ganesha first

Because we have to first address the elephant in the room

I don't know why people say that pee is stored in the balls.

I mean, there's a vas deferens between the two.

Why are sperm donations more expensive than blood donations?

They are hand made

Why don’t atheists pay taxes?

Because they belong to a non-prophet organization.

Why are telescopes pointed away from earth?

Because they search for intelligent life

Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie?

He was too far out man

Why should you never fight a dinosaur?

Because you’ll get jurasskicked!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why wives and condoms are the same

Because both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He couldn't see himself doing it.

Why was the Blonde staring at the orange juice?

Because it said "Concentrate"

Why do you see a lot more old people attending church than you see young people?

Cramming for the final.

Why did Bill Barr gas protestors?

So the chicken could cross the road

Do you know why pirates are called pirates?

Because they arrrrrrrr

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don't professional boxers have sex before a fight?

They probably don't like each other.

If the Klu Klux Klan leaders are wizards, why don't they cast a spell to kill all those that oppose them?

I guess it's because they don't have access to black magic...

Why did the French chef commit suicide?

He lost the huile d’olive

Why did the cannibal have a medieval peasant and JK Rowling over for dinner?

They wanted to eat serf and terf.

Two Canadians die and end up in Hell.

Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to He...

Why does the military only allow dress shirts at its ceremonies?

Because civilian casual tees are unacceptable.

Why are firetrucks red?

Why are firetrucks red?
Well because firetrucks have six wheels, six is half a dozen. Usually when someone is using half a dozen and a dozen, they are referring to eggs. Eggs come from chickens, a male chicken is a rooster, roosters are often on steeples, steeples are are tall, like a mast on a ...

Did you hear why those two crows went to jail?

Attempted murder.

Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?

Because they got in a fight and 2021

Why do catholic nuns have more clothes than other nuns?

Because their clothes are mass produced...

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don’t work!

A man murdered his wife and was sentenced to death.

There was a crowd waiting around the gallows to watch. As the hangman put the noose around his neck, he was asked, “Do you have any last words?”

The murderer said, “Yeah, I have a joke that I came up with while I was waiting.

“So, I hadn’t showered for a week by the day I killed my wif...

Why was Jesus bad at hockey?

He kept getting nailed to the boards.

Why is nostalgia like grammar?

We find the present tense and the past perfect

Why did the spanish take his anti-anxiety pills ?

For hispanic attacks.

Why was the Mexican prescribed Xanax?

For Hispanic attacks.

Why are women like a KFC?



By the time you're finished with the breast and the thigh all you have left is a greasy box to pop your bone in.

Why can't vegans rap ?

Cuz they can't take beef

Why do Women and Children evacuate first during any type of disaster

So men can think of solutions in silence

Do you want to know why the republicans won't impeach Trump?

Because they believe in carrying a baby to full term.

Why did Jesus go to the beauty salon?

To get his Nails done.

Why are geologists so good at getting laid?

They know the best dating techniques.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do some people masturbate so often?

Because it cums in handy.

Why do the French eat snails?

Because they hate fast food.

Why do golfers wear 2 pairs of socks?

Just in case they get a hole in one!

Why is Kim Jong-un so violent?

Because he doesn't have a Seoul.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The best joke I’ve ever heard which never fails to make me smile whenever I remember it.(NSFW)

Three explorers get lost in a huge jungle. After wandering around for days, they are found and captured by a jungle tribe. The tribesmen take the explorers to their leader and drop them at his feet. The chieftain looks at them for a moment and says, “ The three of you will die unless you manage to d...

Why can’t Stevie Wonder see his friends?

Because he is married

Why did the Siamese twins go to England?

The other one wanted to drive.

Why did the bunny work in the brewery?

he knew a lot about hops

My 4yo's first real joke: Why did the clown go to the doctor?

Because he was feeling funny!

#prouddadmoment

Why do sharks only swim in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?

Because every time she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat.

Why wasn't there any McDonald's in the Roman Empire

There was too much Greece

Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”

Because every play has a cast

Why use shampoo...

...when you can use real poo?

Why is there so much blood when I'm on my cycle?

I'm never mountain biking again.

Why do brits stir coffee clockwise and italians do it anticlockwise?

To dissolve the sugar

Why don’t the bri-ish pronounce the t?

They fooking drank it all.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American was talking to a Japanese friend on why he wouldn't eat french fries and hamburgers...

The Japanese friend said: "In Japan normally we don't eat a lot of unhealthy stuff because it'll make us fat".

The American said: "Why do you care about being fat?"

The Japanese friend said: "You don't want to know what happened last time when we had a fat man in Japan..."

Why did the clock get kicked out of the library?

It tocked too much.

Why did the cycles collapse?

It was two-tired

Why are there so many vampires in Europe and not in Africa?

Vampires are killed with holy water and they bless the rains down in Africa.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don't blind people pick up after their guide dogs?

Because they can't see shit.

Why was Snape so upset when Lily Potter was wrongfully terminated?

She was never able to receive her Severus package.

A man walks into an Indian restaurant.

The waiter asks, “have you ever ordered here before?”

The man replies, “No, I haven’t.”

The waiter continues, “We’re a little different here. Before you order, I need you read and sign this form,” and he hands a piece of paper to the man.

The man squints at the paper and reads t...

Why is a skateboard a good investment?

Because you can flip it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time?

...it was Luke warm.

Why do brass instruments have huge holes at the front of them?

So you can have sax with them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”

"We're taking United” was the reply. "We got a great rate!”

“United?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old,...

Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear?

To keep his ankles warm.

Why does Santa always carry a big sack?

Because he only comes once a year

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do people identify as non-binary?

Otherwise it's just fucking 1's and 0's.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Gordon Ramsay like having sex without a condom?

Because its fucking raw

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is it legal to have sex at age 16, but pornsites are all 18+ ?

because you can only check the answers after you've done your homework

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can you never hear bunnies having sex?

Because they have cotton balls.

Why couldn't the PC gamer stop crying?

He refused to be consoled.

Why aren’t there any painkillers in the jungle?

Because the parrots eat ’em all.

Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game?

Because all of the fans left.

Why couldn't the juggler perform on the big stage?

He didn't have the balls

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the limp Donkey cross the road ?..ahh forget it

.. sorry for such a lame ass joke.

Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?

Cause then it would be a foot silly

Boy: Why are girls so much hotter than boys?

Girl: Coz boys have two 5watt bulbs and one 40watt tube, whereas girls have two 500watt bulbs and one 3000watt oven.

Hey y'all, I tried my best to convert this from Hindi to English.

Why do people from Russia walk so quickly?

They're Russian

Why i love being Russian

I get to vote in the US election



FYI: I am actually British and never have stepped foot in Russia

Why did the old lady fall down the well?

She didn't see that well.

(courtesy of my 8 year old!)

I asked Siri “Why I’m still single?”

She opened the front facing camera

Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors?

So they can see the battlefield

Why are witches not wearing any underwear?

Better grip on the broom

Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?

He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.

Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?

He was out standing in his field.

Why should you never give the Devil a wig?

Because there’d be hell toupee.

Why did the camera flash go to jail?

It was charged with battery.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is sex referred to as a dessert?

because it ends in a creampie

My wife asked me why I carry a gun around the house

I said “decepticons.”

She laughed, I laughed, my microwave laughed.

I shot the microwave.

Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?

Pencils posed an issue; 2B or not 2B

Why did Helen Keller’s dog run away?

You’d run away too if your name was nyuhddiaiahf.

Why are rich people bad at running a bakery?

Because they don’t knead the dough

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is Semen white but urine is yellow?

So you can tell if you’re cumming or going!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do nice guys finish last

Because their girlfriend cums first

Why was the pregnant cat arrested?

Littering

Why didn't Barca fans eat anything this morning?

Because they 8-2 much last night.

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