What sort of running does a Tory do?

They run this country into the ground.

What sort of fact does a Historian and a Painter enjoy?

An ARTY-Fact

What sort of music does bubble wrap not like?

>!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!P...

A secretary is helping her boss sort through job applications to pick a winner

The first thing the boss does is close his eyes, pick out 5 at random, and throw them in the trash. Puzzled, the secretary asks "why did you do that?"

The boss responds, "I dont want to hire an unlucky person"

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There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone...

because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else.

So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to p...

Three guys just met eachother and they have a conversation about different sorts of paste

The first guy says: "I know everything about tomato paste, because I own an Italian restaurant."

The second guy says: "I know everything about toothpaste, because I am a dentist."

The third guy says: "I know everything about copy-paste, because I am a Redditor."

What's the worst part about sorting by new?

The jokes

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There was a businessman whose wife was REALLY into sex.

He was a hardworking guy but still managed to satisfy his wife's needs.

One time he had to leave for another country for a business meet. He would've been gone for a week.
He knew his wife's sex drive and didn't want to take risks so he thought he should gift her something so she can sat...

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A man goes home with a woman he met at the bar.

When they get back to her place, she says, "I didn't want to tell you before, but I've got a fetish. I'd love it if you fucked me with your big toe."

The man, an agreeable sort, goes ahead and does it. Has a pretty good time. But a few days later, he notices his toe is red and inflamed, then...

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My friend who used to live in russia became a father today. His son had a mutation of a sort that made him have 3 balls instead of 2.

I immediately saw the opportunity and replied to him "chernoballs" .......he hates me now
Jason im sorry if u read this

My wife said last night "You treat our marriage like it's some sort of game"

Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance

r/Jokes won't allow you to sort by new anymore...

Since everything is made of 100% recycled content.

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What sort of pornography does chickens watch?

Hen-tai

A kid get in trouble and as punishment is made to wear an “I am a Vegan!” t-shirt for the day. It is a horrible experience and they get called all sorts of names and things are thrown at them and they are even kicked a few times..

All that before they even left the house!

What sort of biscuits fly?

Wee plain ones.

She went missing !

Husband: My wife is missing. She went mountain biking yesterday and has not come home!

Officer: Age?

Husband: I'm not sure. Somewhere between 25 and 35. We don't do birthdays.

Officer: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

OFFICER : Weig...

What sort of dice has its opinions formed by preconceived notions?

A prejudice

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Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

An Irish dad calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.”

“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”

The son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “...

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What sort of compensation do you get from a prostitute?

A going down payment

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A man requested a female painter to paint him in the nude.

"No" the talented artist said. "I don't do that sort of thing.

"I'll increase your fee two times," he said.

"No, no thanks!!"

"I'll give five times as much as you normally get."

Okay, said the artist, "but you have to let me at least wear my socks. I need somewhere to...

What sort of grades did Tommy Wiseau receive in school?

Oh, high marks.

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A Frog Walks Into a Bank

A frog walks into a bank, and sees the teller’s name is Patricia Whack. The frog says, “Hi Miss Whack, I’d like a loan of $50,000 for a vacation. You see, my name is Kermit Jagger, and my dad is Mick Jagger.” Surprised at the situation, Patricia replies, “Uh, well sir, I’m going to need some sort of...

I sorted by top of all time and copied and pasted the best joke here

I was just about to hit submit and a tow truck came along and hitched onto the back of my car. I jumped out and screamed, *Why are you towing my car?* The tow driver just stared back at me with this dead look in his eye, not saying a thing. *At least tell me where you're bringing my car*, I begged. ...

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A man driving down the road sees a sign in front of a house that says “$5 for talking dog”

The man is perplexed and decides to pull over to investigate. After parking he walks up to the porch where a man is sitting in a rocking chair enjoying the day.

The driver asks “I saw your sign about a talking dog? Where can I see this dog?”

To which the man rocking simply points to th...

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Genius Kid

An old man is sitting out on his deck one day when he sees a young boy walking down the road with a roll of duct tape under his arm.


"Where are you going?" asks the old man

"To catch some ducks" says the kid

"You can't catch ducks with duct tape" replies the old man.
...

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After a terrible cruise shipwreck, famous beauty and actress Scarlett Johansson finds herself alone on a deserted island. Hours pass, and only one other man makes it to the island with her. They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was, of course.

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed this guy learned how to provide food and shelter, and started taking care of her, and she took care of him in return. Eventually she started really caring about him. After all, there wasn't anyone else on the island. He eventually built a cabin, had a...

What do you call a drive full of sorted data?

Information in formation

Why did the Hispanic man keep purchasing trains?

I'm not quite sure myself honestly but he has to have some sort of locomotive.

Two Canadians Die and End Up In Hell

Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hel...

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An American man walks into a restaurant in Spain and looks at the menu.

He doesn't speak a lick of Spanish, so he defaults to a passing waiter for advice on what to get. "I would recommend the *cojones*," the waiter says. "Our house specialty. The dish is sourced fresh from the bull killed by one of our bullfighters in the ring today."

So the man orders the cojo...

What sort of drugs did Daffy Duck do during his career?

Quack cocaine.

My brother became a step father to a teenage girl, and I found her throwaway reddit account and she's answering all sorts of questions right now.

That's a niece on alt AMA.

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What sort of Bees make Milk?

Boobees

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A man was talking to his therapist about finding the right woman. A man was sitting in his therapist’s office telling him about how he finally managed to find the right woman, after a whopping 3 divorces.

He says, “well the first wife was quite the fireball and we had good chemistry, but she was a fitness instructor and during sex always yelled ‘HARDER! STRONGER! KEEP UP THAT HEART RATE!’ and at some point I just couldn’t keep up... so we split.”

“Well,” said the therapist, “what about the sec...

A Scotsman, an Irishman, and an Englishman...

A Scotsman, an Irishman, and an Englishman are each sentenced to a year in solitary confinement; before being locked away, each is to be granted a year's supply of whatever he wants to help him get through the long, long spell alone.

The Scotsman asks for a year's supply of whiskey; it's give...

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A husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?"

"We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

"Yes", she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a...

An elephant escapes from the circus

It wanders around and eventually ends uo in an old lady's garden eating the vegetables. The old lady came out and had never seen an elephant before nor did she know what it was. Panicked she ran inside and called the police

"Hello, what is your emergency" said the operator

"There is so...

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Guy walks into a Doc's office

He says, "Doc I got this feeling something's eating away at my guts."

The Doc takes a look and says, "Oh no... What you've got is a rare hookworm. The thing is we can't just pull it out. It's hooked in there nice and good. We've got to coax it into coming out so we can grab it. Now you're jus...

Three engineers are trying to figure out what sort of engineer God is

The mechanical engineer says "God must be a mechanical engineer. Look at how perfectly our joints are assembled and how fluid our movements are!"

The electrical engineer says "Not at all, God must be an electrical engineer. The bio-electric processes in our brain exceed anything we can invent...

At Friday night services, Morris goes to his friend Irving and says,"I need a favor..."

"I need a favor, I'm sleeping with the Rabbi's wife. Can you hold him in synagogue for an hour after services for me?" Irving is not very fond of the idea but being Morris' life-longfriend, he reluctantly agrees.
After services, he strikes up a conversation with the Rabbi, asking him all sorts o...

A solider had recently found out that he had cancer, and the diagnosis was making him feel miserable and struggle to carry out his duties. After failing to polish his boots properly, the drill sergeant called him forwards.

“Why haven’t you polished your boots properly?” He yelled. “What’s wrong with you? Can you make your kit presentable or not?”

“Cancer”, the soldier replied sadly.

“Good!”, the sergeant shouted, much to the soldiers surprise, before marching off.

The next day, the soldier was cal...

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A big Welsh is sitting in a bar...

A big Welsh is sitting in a bar, ranting as he downs his pints. He pounds his hand on the bar, says "You see this bar? I built this bar with me own two hands, a finer piece of work you'll newver find, but do they call me Jones the bar-builder? No!!" and he downs his pint and buys another.

He ...

Jane and Erica are talking in heaven

"How did you die?" Jane asks Erica.
She replies, "I froze to death."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says Jane.
"It wasn't too bad, after a while you start to get a sort of peaceful feeling, just before you black out. How did you die?"
"Well," she says, "I suspected my husband was cheat...

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A Serious Accident

A man wakes up in a hospital after a serious accident. He looks around and sees the doctor coming up to him. The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you will be able to walk again without rehabilitation. The bad news is that due to the severity of the accide...

A guy goes into a restaurant. It is quite full, so he goes and sits down at a table vis-à-vis a man reading a newspaper.

He waits and waits a long time without being served and he starts to glance over to the bowl of soup, which is seemingly untouched by the guy with the newspaper.

After a while his hunger gets too bad, he grabs the bowl and the spoon and starts eating. It doesn't taste very good, it seems to ...

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A priest lived in a church with three nuns...

One evening the priest decided that he wanted to take a bath. He went to the washroom, filled the tub with water, and then undressed before he realized that he forgot to bring his soap.
He wraps himself in a towel around his waist and goes back to his room to retrieve his soap, grabbing an extr...

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A dwarf with a speech impediment goes into a stud farm, 'I'd like to buy a horth' he says to the owner of the farm.

'What sort of horse?' said the owner.

'A female horth' the dwarf replies. So the owner shows him a mare. 'Nithe horth.' says the dwarf,

'Can I thee her eyeth?' So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes. 'Nithe eyeth.', says the dwarf,

'Can I thee her teeth?'...

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The wife and I walked passed a swanky, expensive restaurant last night.

She said "The aroma of their cooking from there is absolutely gorgeous"

Being a spontaneous sort of guy, I thought I would treat her. So I turned her around and we walked past it again.

I have a joke for all you sorting by new.

A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.

An **optimist** sees light at the end of a tunnel.

A *realist* sees a freight train.

The ***train driver*** sees three morons standing on the train tracks.

I asked my girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in

She said cheque books.

A new leaked government tape shows that a Mars rover saw some sort of feline life form on Mars.

However, before they could get any more info, Curiosity killed the cat.

I just got a new guard dog. He's blind, can't hear, and has no teeth. The bad guys aren't afraid of him, and he doesn't do anything to justify his existence.

In fact, he's sort of like the Federal Trade Commission's "Do Not Call List".

Oh wait...gotta go. My phone is ringing again.

My Girlfriend is the sort of girl Men whistle at...

She looks like a sheep dog.

The secret to success

There are all sorts of tips for a successful life but I have found the one guaranteed to bring you success and wealth.

To truly be successful it is important to only work half days.

And the best part of it? What makes this such a great plan? It’s that it doesn’t matter which 12 hours y...

Depressing pickup lines.

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you a toaster?
Because I really want to take a bath with you.

Are you a noose?
Because I really want to hang with you.

Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me.

Are you anti-...

If you put sugar in tea ..

what do you put in sugar ?





A spoon.


Note: not sure if its a repost , heard it from a friend who loves jokes of this sort.

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Apparently 3 out of 5 Americans live next to some sort of sexual pervert.

Not me, I live next to a sexy senior citizen with a prosthetic leg!

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smelly and colored dick

One guy comes straight from a fast food restaurant with a hamburger in one hand and a cup of cola in the other. Equipped like this he goes straight to the toilet. Standing in there he tells another guy that he can't put his drink or his food down because of a lack of space. So he asks the other man ...

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High School on Valentine's Day

A high school thought it might be a fun activity to let the teenagers cut out paper hearts, put the name or wish of their valentine on the card anonymously, and hang them on a chainlink fence at the entrance of the school. Of course someone had to take them all off afterwards. So the day following V...

They put all sorts of wild patterns on pants these days.

Britches be crazy.

I tried sorting r/Jokes by new

But all the results were from 13 years ago.

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Man goes to the doctor and says... (dirty/swearing)

Man says, ‘Dr, Dr, I think I may have gonorrhea!!’

Dr: ‘Don’t stress, we’ll fix you up with some antibiotics before you leave.’

Man: ‘No Dr, you don’t understand, I’ve been fucking the maid and I think she may have it too.’

Dr: ‘Ah, I see. Ok, make her an appointment also’.
...

It's been a strange sort of day.

First I found a hat full of money... and then I was chased by an angry weirdo with a guitar.

An old joke about the Gurkhas

During the second world war a company of Germans were in the desert when a voice called out from behind a sand dune: "One Gurkha can kill five Germans!" Irritated by this the German captain sends a couple of soldiers round to sort out this man out, nobody disrespects the German army.

Moments ...

What sort of mint do anarchists hate?

Governmint

Politicians these days.

A politician visited a remote little rural village and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.

“We have two big needs,” said the village headman. “First, we have a hospital but no doctor.”

The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while and then said: “...

A wife being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text:

"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile.

If you are eating, send me a bite.

If you are drinking send me a sip.

If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!

The husband replied, "I am on the toilet. Please advise."

When I am tasked with sorting through a stack of résumés, I throw about half of them in the garbage.

I do not want unlucky people working in our company

Wrote this joke in a dream last night.

(The title has nothing to do with the joke, but probably should)

Steve and his son, Toby, go next door to see Alan who is packing to move out of town.

Steve: “Sorry to see you go, man, who knows when we’ll see each other again!”

Alan: “Yeah man, but life is full of change, you ...

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I found a new way to piss off grammar nazis

Well, sort've.

I was sorting out my loose change when I dropped a 1p coin and saw it roll into a drain, which everyone around me thought was hilarious.

Laughing at my ex-pence.

A miner moves out west to California...

A miner moves out west to California. Having spent a few years in Colorado, he has a pretty good idea of the sort of lifestyle miner's live; up from dawn 'til dusk in the mines, and then up from dusk 'til dawn drinking and playing card games.

So, to his surprise, when he moves to Bluster's Bl...

A joke from Taiwan slightly adapted to suit the world better

At a high school reunion, a group of people were having a chat, looking back on their childhood.

One of the guys said: "I used to look really pretty and my mom always took care of my looks, so everyone thought I was a girl."

Another replied: "That definitely caused a lot of troubles!"<...

What sort of document do you have to sign before you can work in a convent?

A Nun-Disclosure Agreement

I have an OCD sort of condition

Its called CDO

There are two sorts of people: those who say there is no such thing as infinite recursion, and those who say...

"There are two sorts of people: those who say there is no such thing as infinite recursion, and those who say...

Who is ZOZI?!

I got all sorts of letters around christmas saying "merry christmas and goodluck for ZOZI" and "best of luck for ZOZI"

A businessman is hurrying home on the motorway after a hard days work...

when he is stopped by a policeman.
"Do you know you were driving 30 mph over the limit?" asks the policeman.
"Eh, actually no, officer, it's a big car and it just sort of coasts along... you know."
"And what were you planning on doing if you met Mr Fog?" demands the policeman.
"Well," sa...

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A man was diagnosed as bipolar, without any sort of medical examination

He was caught fucking a female polar bear and a male penguin.

My wife asked me, “If I die, will you re-marry?”

I replied, “I don’t know love, I don’t think about those sorts of things.”

“Well If you did, would she live in our house?” she asked

I said, “I don’t know, I haven’t thought about it!”

Then she asked “Would you let her wear my clothes?”

I replied “Nah she’s not your size”

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When nuns are admitted to Heaven they go through a special gate and are expected to make one last confession before they become angels.

Several nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of their last sins before they are made holy.

And so," says St. Peter, "have you ever had any contact with a penis?"

"Well," says the first nun in line, "I did once just touch the tip of one with the tip of my finger." ...

What sort of chicken caught the sun?

Tannedoori.

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Took my wife to the doctors today to sort out her tourettes. Turns out she doesn't have tourettes.

I am a cunt and she really does want me to fuck off.

I thought I was losing my eyesight while scrolling Reddit in the middle of the night.

Apparently there are a lot of blurry images if you're sorted by New in All at 3 in the am.

Once management wants you fired, you’ll be fired

A king had 10 wild ferocious dogs. He used them to torture and kill any minister that misguided him. A minister once gave an opinion which was wrong and which the king didn't like at all. So he ordered that the minister to be thrown to the dogs.

The minister said, "I have served you loyally f...

I’m a magician of sorts. I steal candy bars using sleight of hand.

You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve.

There once was a Roman named Vitus, he developed the first form of haircoloring. It was a sort of paste that changed his blonde hair to red. However, a side effect was incredibly bad breath.

This became known as the first confirmed case of Gingervitis.

An alien lands today...Nov. 4, 2020

Alien: Take me to your leader

Me: Your going to have to wait 10-12 business days for us to sort that out.

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A woman was driving through a remote section of desert at night and was thoroughly lost.

Suddenly, a coyote ran into the road ahead of her. Slamming on the brakes, the woman was astounded to see a man come running from out of the darkness toward the coyote. In one smooth motion, the strange man took his pants down, grabbed the coyote by it's back legs and began furiously sodomizing the ...

One day God calls down to Noah and says, "Noah me old mate, I want you to make me a new Ark".

Noah replies, "No probs God, me old Supreme Being, anything you want after all you're the boss...

But God interrupts, "Ah, but there's a catch. This time Noah, I do not want just a couple of decks, I want 20 decks one on top of the other".

"20 DECKS!", screams Noah. "Well, OK Big ...

Cat Calls

A veterinarian surgeon had a bad day, but when he got home from tending to all the sick animals, his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner. After dinner, they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed.

At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang. "Is ...

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Warning: no pun alert, I repeat: not a pun

A man from Serbia was working in Germany for about ten years now and he was getting nostalgic for his home country so he went to the boss and said to him: " Boss, I have been woking hard all of these years and I would like to have a 2 week vacation to return to Serbia". Boss approved his wish so he ...

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Toilet paper is sort of like the Starship Enterprise

it circles Uranus looking for Klingons

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A Rare Dish

This is a long one.

An English cook is trying to build up his skills as a chef. He's been working for years learning all sorts of rare and unique dishes to serve at his mentor's restaurant.

One day a wealthy guest at the restaurant asks to meet the cook and says "While I enjoyed the me...

What sort of scientists does Soda Stream employ?

Fizzyscists

Two nuns, who were in Africa to spread the gospel, ran out of gas with their jeep just outside a remote village they had visited.

One of the nuns remembered they had a small gas station of sorts in the village, so they decided to walk back and get some gas for their jeep. They couldn’t find any can in the car, but one of them grabbed a potty from their sanitary equipment and said it would suffice, and off they went. As they re...

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If Korean pop is kpop, what sort of music does Drake make?

Crap

Scam artist caught!

Police arrested scam artist John Young who tricked people into buying some sort of substance which he himself described as an ‘elixir of immortality’. Upon questions police discovered that John had a criminal record and had been previously arrested for the same felony for previous times: In 2004, 19...

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A woman and her wealthy lover traveled across Europe

They started their tryst in Amsterdam, before traveling to Barcelona, then Cologne, and Dublin. After months of travel and steamy sex, they ended in Zurich.

It was a sorted affair.

Piece of British humour for you.

A woman goes to the funeral home to visit her late husband whose funeral is the next day.

Upon seeing the body, she says to the funeral director, “Oh, no, you've dressed him in a blue suit! He hated blue and I've given all his other suits to charity!”

The funeral director says, “I'm no...

What sort of girlfriend a potato wants?

A sweet potato


Alright, yeah. I'm really that desperate.

I attended an online class to learn how to be a pirate.....

Actually it was sort of a webinAHRRRR

What sort of Spanish sporting event would Jesus hang out at?

La Crosse

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A guy is sorting shelves at a grocery store when

A guy is sorting shelves at a grocery store when a new old.lady approaches him and asks, "where's the broccoli?"

He says, "sorry we're out of broccoli"

She walks away and comes back ten minutes later and asks them same thing to the same guy.

He's a little confused but remains po...

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Help, my wife is missing!!!

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over 170 centermeters tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never ...

I was sorting the sub by new.

Nothing came up.

There must be a typo in the "sort by" options.

I chose "new" but they're all reposts. Should be "knew" instead

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a man is talking to a therapist

therapist: why did you find your siblings annoying?

man: my brother was so loud.. he literally didn't stop yelling from the second he was born to the moment he died.

therapist: wow, that must have broken some sort of record.

man: nah, five minutes is nothing.

I went to the doctor

I said, "I'm suffering from hereditary diarrhea!"

He said, "that sort of thing doesn't run in the family"

I said, "well it's in my genes!"

My son is sort of like rapunzel

But instead of letting his hair down he lets everybody down.

My daughter was having problems with her G string and didn’t want her daddy’s help sorting it out.

Good thing I’m learning violin too and could help.

Mom told me I could be anything I wanted when I grew up

But apparently identity theft is some sort of a crime

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Some Gorillas are getting drunk in the Belgian Congo... (NSFW)

So some gorillas are having some beers and goofing off at the edge of the forest in the Belgian Congo, clowning on each other, doing impressions, etc. one of them looks toward the bordering savanna and notices a lion intently stalking a distant antelope.

“Check out Mr. King of the Jungle ove...

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A guy walks into a birthday party

Everyone brings the birthday girl all sorts of gifts but this one uncle of hers decided to bring them nothing but a walnut. The parents were so furious that they decided to shove the walnut up his ass but the guy was crying laughing the whole time. The parents asked him why, and he said that his fri...

Husband - My wife is missing. She went out yesterday and has not come home...

*Police Sergeant*:
What is her height?

*Husband*:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

*Sergeant*:
Colour of eyes?

*Husband*:
Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

*Sergeant*:
Colour of hair?

*Husband*:
Changes a couple times a ...

2 guys are going on a safari trip to do some wildlife photography. They met up in the morning and surveyed each other's outfits...

They were both wearing the same sorts of khaki shorts and shirts, wide brimmed hats, but whilst one had the traditional hiking boots on his feet, the other had on a pair of track running shoes.

"Why are you wearing running shoes on a wildlife safari?"

"Y'know, in case a lion attacks u...

My wife sorted out some clothes she no longer wears, I said what are you going to do with them? she replied give them to charity, I said why don't you just throw them away, she replied, there are a lot of starving women out there that will appreciate them.

I replied, anyone that fits into your clothes are definitely not starving.

Typical Camp Commander

A new camp commander was appointed and while inspecting the place, he saw 2 soldiers guarding a bench. He went over and asked them why do they do it.

"We don't know. The last commander told us to do so, and so we did. It is some sort of regimental tradition!"

The new camp commander sea...

What sort of elf lives in a can?

A sprite

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a brothel...

Which is well known for its good looking ladies and good food.
He walks up to the desk and slams £1000 on the counter "I'd like the toughest most over cooked steak you do and the ugliest girl you have for one hour. But she needs to tell me she has a headache and to do it myself" The madame looks ...

So there is a Priest, a Rabbi, and an Atheist in a boat fishing.

The priest says "Oh heavens, I forgot my lures back on land" and steps out of the boat, walks across the water back to the land, and grabs his lures before walking back to the boat.

The atheist was astounded, but before he could make sense of the situation, the rabbi says "Oh Hashem help me, ...

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