What do you call an Arab who has been injured in a bombing?

An ambulance, you racist!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, Donald Trump, and Jane Fonda?

Jane Fonda went to Vietnam.

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What does sex and the U.S. Military have in common?

When you pull out at the wrong time you end up wasting 20 years and a lot of money

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What do you call a nun on a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile

What's the difference between the Taliban and Texas?

The Taliban requires women to wear masks

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A man’s walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. “Twenty bucks,” she says. He’s never been with a prostitute before, but he decides what the hell.

They are going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them—it’s a policeman.

“What’s going on here?” asks the officer.

“I’m making love to my wife,” the man answers indignantly.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” says the cop, “I didn’t know.”

“Well,” said the man, ...

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What do you call a man with a small penis?

Justin

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My mate broke his leg so I went to see him at home. I walked in and what do I see? He had two gorgeous older sisters, and they're TWINS ! I had never met them before, apparently they live at the uni and were visiting.

Anyway, so I went up to my friend's room, “How are you mate?”

“Yeah I’m okay. But do me a favour mate. Go fetch my socks from downstairs. My feet are freezing.” he tells me.

So I rushed downstairs and found his two sisters perched up on the couch, right where his socks lay.

I sa...

What's the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man?

Iron Man stops the bad guys.
Aluminum Man just foils their plans.

What’s an example of a palindrome?

Daughter: What's an example of a palindrome?

Dad: Mom.

Daughter: Ugh. Fine. Mom, what's an example of a palindrome?

Mom: Dad.

Daughter: OHMYGOD WHY WON'T YOU GUYS HELP ME

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Hey ladies, what do you call a guy that doesn’t eat pussy?

You don't.

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What do dildos and tofu have in common?

\>: they are meat substitutes:<

A joke my 8-year old made up: What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?

A chicken

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“What’s your name, son?” a principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.”

“Do you have a stutter?” asked the principal. The student answered, “No sir, but my dad has a stutter and the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”

What is a pdf file

And why is my uncle under arrest for being one

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Jane had developed a certain attraction to Tarzan. So during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex. "Tarzan not know what is sex" he replied. Jane then explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said ...."Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."

Stunned by his response, Jane said: "Tarzan you have it all wrong, you don't shag a tree to get yourself off. Tell you what, I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothing, got completely naked and laid down on...

What's better than enchiladas?

n+1 chiladas.

(sharing this joke I came up with tonight while making enchiladas, because my family didn't find it funny).

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What do you call a boner at a funeral?

Mourning wood.

What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?

A mass murderer

What's smarter than the average bear?

50% of all bears.

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What did one saggy boob say to the other?

If we don't get some support soon people will think that we're nuts!

What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn't a dad?

***A faux pa.***

What do you call a person who saw an apple store getting robed?

An iWitness.

My girlfriend left me because of what she described as my "weird pasta fetish"

Now I'm feeling cannalonli

What is the best male contraceptive?

An empty wallet.

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What do you call a haunted pair of breasts?

BoOoOoOoOobs

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"G'Day mate, Aussie help line here..........What's the problem,.... Cobber?"

"I'm in Darwin with my Sheila and she's been stung on the minge by a wasp, and now her pussy has completely closed up."



"Bummer, mate...!!!"



"Thanks mate, I hadn't thought of that. Bye."

Does anyone know what the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?

Icy dead people

What do Excel, incels and some people who casually eat figs have in common?

They get confused and incorrectly assume it's a date.


(Edit)
Thank you for the awards.



As people have pointed out, this joke seems to have originated from a venn diagram, but seeing as I heard it a different way and we can't post venn diagrams on this sub, I don't ...

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What do you call boobs that everyone is allowed to touch?

Communititties

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What do Tetris and sex have in common?

There’s no winning, it’s just about how long you last


Edit: stop saying I obviously don’t have sex. We’re on reddit. Isn’t that obvious by now?
Also ty to all the absolutely hilarious comment, y’all have made my day

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What's worse than waking up with a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced

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A Jew walks into a church to see what it's all about

Before the pastor begins his sermon he exclaims: "Jews are not welcomed in this church! All Jews must leave immediately".

The Jew gets up, walks to the podium on which is standing a magnificent statue of Jesus, picks it up and says: "come on Yossle we are not welcomed here"

What do schools and the anti-vax movement have in common?

Both are raising the world’s average IQ

Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"

Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"

She points up and says: "3 pulls"

Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.

Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
...

You're being chased by a Lion, you're on a horse to the left of you is a Giraffe and on the right a unicorn what do you do?

You stop drinking and get off the Carousel.

What is the difference between BTS and Logan Paul?

BTS is a boy band from Asia; Logan Paul is a boy banned from Asia.

What's the difference between Black Eyed Peas and Chickpeas?

Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song and Chickpeas can only Hummus one.

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What do you call the sexuality where you're attracted to men and women but neither are attracted to you?

Bi-yourself.

A man compalins to his wife about not having anyone to play golf with. His wife said "Well what about your friend Clyde?" The men replied "Would you want to play with someone who cheats on his score and moves the ball when you aren't looking?" "No, I guess not" replied his wife. The man said....

"Neither would Clyde"

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A mother comes home from work to find that her kids are hiding behind the couch. She asks what's wrong, and the kids reply that Aunt Sally was in the house naked.

So she goes to her bedroom to investigate, and she finds her husband lying on the bed naked and sweaty. She asks, "What's going on?" He replies, "I'm having a heart attack."

She says "I'm going to call 911" and runs to the bathroom to get an aspirin. In the bathroom closet however, she disco...

Q: What does a selfish cow say?

A: Meeeeee

What did 0 say to 8?

Nice belt

What’s a pirates favorite element on the periodic table?

Gold. What the hell would they need argon for?

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What is the similarity between a bank and sex?

In both cases, you lose interest after a withdrawal.

What's the difference between Mariah Carey and Marie Curie?

One glitters, the other glows

What weighs more? A gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

Water. Butane is a lighter fluid.

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods.

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods when they came upon a bridge across a crocodile infested river.

The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer "What are the odds of us making it across that bridge safely?" The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a s...

What do they call 'Karens' in Europe?

Americans.

What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can’t hear an enzyme. (Credit to Dorothy Parker.)

Forward, it’s heavy. Backwards, it’s not. What is it?

A ton

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What do you say to console a grammar nazi?

"Their, they're"

My wife was hinting at what she wanted for our anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0-100 in 3 seconds."

I got her a weighing scale.

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Last week, after a one night stand with a woman, she had the gall to get up and use my toothbrush without even asking first. I told her, "That's disgusting!" She replied, "Well, we just had sex, so what's the big difference?"

I answered, "The difference is, I was gonna use the toothbrush again."

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What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex makes your whole day,

Anal sex makes your hole weak.










Edit: added “whole”
Props to a fellow redditor for correction. u/rex-natchez!

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A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him, so he walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing...

She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole and you’re a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.”

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached the lady, again with the same request.

She said, “I’m on the 14th, you are a hole...

What kind of car is the same frontward and backward?

A Toyota.




First post ever on Reddit. I hope I did it right.

What is a Canadian's favorite board game?

Sorry!

What do you call 2 pirates that like each other?

a pirate ship


i know it sucks but i literally made this on the spot like a couple mins ago and thought to share it

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What do you call the space between 2 artificial breasts?

Silicone Valley......

I'll leave and close the door behind me

A farmer saw a plane full of politicians crash near his farm. When the police arrived, they asked the farmer what happened.

Farmer: They crashed near my farm and I buried all of them.

One of the police men asked with shock; "are you sure they were all dead"?

Farmer: Some of them were screaming, "we are still alive".

But I couldn't believe them.

You know, these politicians. They can lie.

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NSFW What's the difference between eating pussy and drinking Bud Light?

Pussy only tastes like piss for a few seconds.

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You're living. You have mass. You occupy space. Do you know what that means?

You matter.

What do BMWs and Vacuums have in common?

They both have a dirtbag inside them.

What is big, long, red, spews a liquid from an opening, generates a lot of excitement among people, adults get to have a big one and children get to have a smaller one, makes people wet and is usually associated with "hot", and is related to/contains words that begin with F and end with U,C,K?

A firetruck :D

I’ve asked thousands of people what LGBTQ+ stands for.

Nobody has given me a straight answer.

My grandfathers favorite joke: what’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

The drug dealer can’t wash the crack and resell it

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What do you name a dog with steel balls and no hind legs?

Sparky

What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.

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What’s the difference between Joe Biden and Donald Trump?

Biden actually pulls out after promising to

A group of dogs is a pack. A group of crows is a murder. What is a group of Karen's?

A Home Owners Association.

What is an alcoholics least favorite part of a baseball game?

The bottom of the 5th.

What do you get when you spell “man” backwards?

Flashbacks.

What's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn't beat cancer.

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What's the most sensitive part of your body when masturbating?

your ears

If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?

**Big hands.**

What do you give to someone who hasn't moved a muscle in over a year?

A trophy

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So a penis walks into a bar,

So this penis walks into a bar, right? And the bartender says, “Why the fuck is there a giant walking penis in my place of business? What morbid Lovecraftian monstrosity is this, where a male sex organ has taken an anthropomorphic form and moved frictionlessly to my very own bar? What does this crea...

A joke I remember making up when I was 7 : What do you get when a giant steps on a house?

Mushrooms

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"Dad, what does 'gays' mean?"

Me: You know how mum and dad love each
other? Well, two men can love each other the same
way.

Daughter: So what is 'penetrating gays'?

Me: Er.. read me the whole sentence.

Her: "She stared at him with a penetrating gaze."

Me: Oh.

I’m about to go to a funeral for the first time, and I still have no idea what to expect.

Remains to be seen.

Why are married women heavier than single women?

Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Husband: Honey, I invited a friend home for dinner. Wife: What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, all the dishes are dirty, and I can't cook meal. Husband: I know all that. Wife: Then why did you invite the friend?

Husband: Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married.

What kind of workouts did Jesus do?

Cross-fit

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A man obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people...

At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.

Before he faces his sentence, he's offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him. The next day, he's led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and... nothing hap...

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What is a penis?

There is a little boy and a little girl in the woods. The little girl asked the boy, "What is a penis?" The boy replied, "I don't know." At that time he hears his mom calling him for lunch. He goes home and eats his lunch. Then he sees his dad on the couch. He goes up to his dad and asks him, "What ...

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I was desperate and I couldn't get a date with a girl to save my life until...

I swiped right on a blind date, a profile picture. She asked me to pick her up, so i did, but I wasn't expecting much. I went up to the door expecting 400 lbs of desperation, but she answer the door 5 foot 2 with baby blue eyes, strawberry blonde curls and all the right curves in all the right place...

What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?

An immediate cessation of funding and a stern rebuke from the ethics committee

What do you call an Australian in space?

An Austronaut

An Australian, and Irishman and a Brit were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar. The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before when suddenly the Irishman cried out:

My God! I know who that man is - it's Jesus!" The others looked again, and sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table.


The Irishman calls out across the lounge: "Hey! Hey you! Are you Jesus"? Jesus looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head. "Yes, I am J...

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What does a rubix cube and a penis have in common?

The more you play with it the harder it gets.

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What do you call a license to cum?

A spermit

While Donald Trump is out there, causing a fuss, what is his opponent doing?

He is just waiting around like an average Joe, Biden his time.

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Anal sex and this joke: what do they have in common?

A misused colon

A man goes to Heaven and meets Jesus.

While Jesus is showing him round, he spots a broken clock. 
“What’s that there for?” he asks. 
Jesus says “that’s Mother Teresa’s clock it has never moved because she has never lied.”  
“Just over here is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. He lied twice, so it has moved twice.”  

“Where is Don...

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Have you ever noticed what a woman's asshole does when she has an intense orgasm?

He's probably out, drinking with his buddies...

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A man invites some of his fetish club over for breakfast....

They are catching up on life and swapping stories about work, their grandkids’ birthdays, their recent stock market fortunes, and so on, when the subject of what they’re most proud of comes up.


Gerald, a 35 year old dentist, proudly exclaims, “Of everyone here, I by far, have the larges...

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ below 70?

A politician.

NSFW What kind of meat does a priest eat on friday?

Nun.

What will the 10th movie in the Fast and Furious franchise be called?

Fast10

Your seat belts

What does McDonalds and your tinder hook-up have in common?

They don’t look as good as advertised but you’ll eat them anyways.

A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and ...

I asked an old man, "Even after 95 years, you still call your wife 'Darling', 'Honey', 'Love'. What's the secret?".

OLD MAN: "I forgot her name 10 years ago and I'm scared to ask her"

What’s black and doesn’t work?

Decaf coffee

What do french people call Marijuana?

Oui'd

What do noodles say when they finish praying?

Ramen

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A woman gets off a roller coaster at an amusement park. Feeling dizzy from the ride, she immediately falls to the ground, unconscious.

She wakes up to find a man rubbing her breasts. "What are you doing?" she asks.

"I was just reviving you," replies the man. "When I saw you unconscious on the ground, I lightly slapped you, but nothing happened. I rubbed your wrists, but nothing happened. I even gave you mouth to mouth, but s...

Today, I shocked the hell out of the postman by opening the door completely naked.

I’m not sure what surprised him most: my nudity, or the fact that I know where he lives.

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What do you call a morgue that doubles as a porn set?

A creamatorium.

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You know what's funny about bathing suits?

If a man swims in a bathing suit that only covers his private parts, he will almost always be swimming competitively. If a woman swims in a bathing suit that only covers her private parts, she will almost always be swimming casually.

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare.

What’s worse than a bull in a China shop?

A hedgehog in a condom factory

What happened to the Indian girl that didn’t want to eat her dinner?

She got sent to bed for naancompliance

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What does Sigmund Freud and Samuel L Jackson have in common?

For them, everyone is a motherfucker

Boss: This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?

Me: That it's only Wednesday

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Q: What do you call 500 neo-Nazis at the bottom of the ocean?

A: A good start.

Q: What do you call 500 triathletes at the bottom of the ocean?

A: A bad start.

A man meets his Tinder date at a carnival.

"There's so many games!" he said, "What do you wanna do?"

"I wanna get weighed." she says, shyly looking at the ground.

They go to the GUESS-Your-WEIGHT booth and she wins a stuffed animal.

"What next?" he asks.

"I wanna get weighed." she says, confidently looking at him....

What do you call a man with no arms or legs?

Matt

What do Paul the Apostle and Jack the Ripper have in common?

They have the same middle name.

My friend and I frequently give conjugal visits to an all-female prison, to remind the inmates what it's like to have a selfless guy go down on them.

It just gives us some scents of perp-puss.

What did the Reddit user say after setting off a bomb in a bank?

Edit: Wow this blew up! Thanks for the gold!

What is Forrest Gump’s email password?

**1Forrest1**

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I always ask what LGBT stands for...

But i never get a straight answer.




Ps: I'm very aware of its meaning(since im very gay).

What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom!

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Penguin blowjob

I asked a prostitute for sex but she refused because I only had $5. She instead offered me a 'penguin blowjob'.
I had no idea what it was but thought for $5, that was a pretty good deal.

She took off my belt and lowered my trousers and underpants to my ankles and began sucking. As things ...

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A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism.

Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government.

We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people....

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What do you call the fat around an asshole?

A politician

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

Your mom

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What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with big tits?

One is a crusty bus station,
the other is a busty crustacean

What is the difference between choking fetish and necrophilia ?

About 15 seconds

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years?

Church

What do you call the fear of giants?

FeeFiPhobia

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What do you call someone who's sexually attracted to Greek cheese?

A Feta-shist

Teacher: “children, what’s your biggest fear?”

Tom (5): “snakes!”

Emily (6): “lions!”

Stanley (5): “the unbelievable senselessness of life, and that we will all die a terrible death in our nightmares!”

Lilly (6): “Stanley!”

What's the most Canadian Battery?

Triple Eh!

What's the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

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What do toilet paper and the USS Enterprise have in common?

They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons!



Happy Star Trek day

Jesus on the cross

It's the day of Jesus' crucifixion, and Peter is consoling Mary at the bottom of the hill in Golgotha. Suddenly, Peter hears Jesus calling to him, summoning him up the hill.

Frantically, Peter sets off to make his way to his Savior. Unwillingly, he is stopped by two guards. Again, Jesus call...

A guy walks into a bar, slumps into a chair, and orders a beer. The bartender says, "What's wrong, pal? You look down."

The guy sighs and says, "I am down. My wife is mad at me, and said she wouldn't talk to me for a whole month."

The bartender says, "Gee, that's too bad. When does that start?"

"Start? Today's the last day."

Mohammad, a child of Arab parents was enrolled in a school in New York. On the first day, his teacher asked, ‘What is your name?’ The boy replied, ‘Mohammad’.

‘From now on your name is Harry as you are in America,’ she said.

In the evening, when he came back, his mother asked, ‘How was your day Mohammad?’ He said, ‘My name is not Mohammad. I’m in America and my name is Harry.’ His mother slapped him and said angrily: ‘Aren’t you ashamed of trying t...

What is the difference between a Snow man and a Snow woman?

Snow balls

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What do pussies and Burger King have in common? [NSFW]

It’s generally frowned upon to eat them in the middle of a McDonald’s.

What’s the difference between juice and cider?

A date can’t end with you in juice.

Did you hear what Emma Watson's new pronouns are?

(Her, My & He)

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What organ can expand to 10 times it's size...

What organ can expand to 10 times it's size...

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered so the teacher picked on a random student

Little Mary stood up and said, "You shoul...

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes."

I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?"

He said, "A Christian."

I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?"

He said, "Protestant."

I said, "Me, too! What franchise?"

He said, "Baptist."

I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Bap...

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?

Polaroids!

Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.

He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to...

What do Timon and Pumbaa order at Italian Restaurants?

>!The Tuna Piccata!<

What do you get when sodium attacks chloride?

A salt

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What do the mafia and vagina have in common?

One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit

What do you call a blonde with one brain cell?

Gifted.

What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?

Pregnant.

What do you call a line of men waiting to get a haircut?

A barberqueue

Whats it called when a king and queen have no children?

A receding heir line

A man is sitting in a new sports car when a little girl pulls up beside him on her new bicycle she just received for Christmas. She knocks on his window, which he rolls down to see what she wants.

"Wanna race, mister?" she asks, ringing her bell and twirling the elastic streamers on her handlebars.

"Sure," the man laughs. The light turns green and he floors the pedal. The car takes off like a shot and he leaves the little girl in the dust.

A few seconds later though, he sees som...

What is the the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic is using a feather... Kinky is using the whole chicken.

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So Joe had these headaches...

The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to rem...

Teacher asked some students, what's the fastest thing in universe;

First student said, that the light is fastest, because light can reach 290000+ kilometers per second.

Second student argued that thinking is faster than light, because our brain can send thoughts within milliseconds.

Last student simply stated, that diarrhea is faster than speed of tho...

What’s the difference between a Pakistani elementary school and an Al-qaeda outpost?

I dunno man I just fly the drone.

What's with all these people supporting ivermectin?

Don't people know it's just a ploy by big farmer??

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the horny hen say?

Any cock’ll doodle do!!

*courtesy of my 62 year old roommate*

What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind?

A maybee.

What four words can completely destroy a man's confidence?

Is it in yet?

What room doesn’t have ghosts?

Living room.

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A man takes a walk with his new girlfriend who he's been dating for three months

About 20 minutes into the walk, they pass a park and see two bunnies mating. The woman says "how does the male bunny know that the female bunny is ready for sex?" The man says "it's natural, the male can smell it".

The couple continues to walk for another 20 minutes and they pass a forest whe...

What do u call a fish with a bow tie?

So*fish*ticated

What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a bird?

A bird can still tweet.

What's a rimjob on an airplane called?

Skyrim

What do you call a bee that lives in America?

A USB...

What's the difference between an American and a computer?

American don't have trouble shooting.

What' brown and sticky?

A stick!

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What did the redditor say after robbing a jewellery store?

Edit:OMG thanks for the silver

Edit 2:WTF OMG thanks for the gold

EDIT 3:OMFG THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE PLATINUM

EDIT 4:HOLY CRAP THANKS FOR THE ARGENTIUM!!!

What do aliens spread on their toast?

Space jam.

What do Polish men give their wives on their wedding day that’s long and hard?

Their last name.

Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?

A naked woman jumps into a taxi. The taxi driver stares at her, looking her over from top to bottom. The woman is offended and asks the taxi driver "What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"

The taxi driver responds: "Oh, it's not the fact that you're naked that bothe...

What’s yellow and comes in the morning to brighten every parent’s day?

The school bus.

An Indian has a seat between two Pakistani's on board an airplane.

It's quite obvious to each of the three men know where they are from. The Indian asks, "Pardon me gentleman, you wouldn't mind me sitting between you to do you? This is my seat after all."

The Pakistanis look at each other, and then look back at him. One of them smiles and says, "Not at all! ...

What’s a pirates favorite letter?

In best pirate voice “me hart will always belong to the CCCCcccc!!!”

What do parents say when the find out their son got arrested for setting a building on fire

“That’s arson!”

There are three guys on a boat, and they have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with – what do they do?

They throw one cigarette overboard, and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

What did the drummer name his twin daughters?

Anna 1 , Anna 2

What’s brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dr. Dre

What's the difference between a politician and a crook?

No, seriously, I can't tell.

A French, a German and an Italian spy are captured one day. The captors grab the French spy, take him to the next room and tie his hands behind a chair. They then proceed to torture him for 2 hours before he finally cracks, answers all questions and gives up all of his secrets.

The captors then grab the German spy. They tie his hands behind the chair in the next room too and torture him for 4 hours before he finally cracks and tells them what they want to know.

They then grabbed the Italian spy. Once again, they tie his hands behind the chair and begin torturing.4 h...

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My wife was screaming and yelling at the tv, “Don’t go to church you stupid bitch,” I said “what are you watching?”

She said, “Our wedding video.”

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What do you call someone who is really good at giving blowjobs?

The head master.

Mom: What did you do at school today?

Me: We did a guessing game

Mom: But I thought you had a math exam.

Me: That's right!

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