The 149+ Best Think Jokes

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I think we should stop turning normal names like "Karen" into slurs

It's a real Dick move.

I'm a 5G installation engineer and people are constantly accusing me with bizarre conspiracy theories, such as how 5G is giving them headaches, or killing their sperm. I think they are completely crazy.

4G must've fried their brains.

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A 7 year old & 4 year old are in their bedroom. “You know what” says 7 year old “I think its time we started swearing…

A 7 year old & 4 year old are in their bedroom. "You know what" says 7 year old
"I think its time we started swearing.
When we go downstairs for breakfast I'lI swear first then you".
"OK" says 4 year old.
Mum asks 7 yr old what he wants for breakfast. "I'II have Coco pops, bitch"....

What do you think is history's SHORTEST joke? My submission is Miss Piggy's 2 worder :

"Pretentious? ...*MOI ?"*

I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me,

because she calls me her sixty-second lover.

I don't think women should have kids after 35

That's just too many kids.

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A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

’About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50....

I met a girl at a bar and we went back to hers and started making out on the sofa, she gave me a cheeky look and said ''I think we should take this upstairs''

Ok, I said, you carry one end and I'll get the other, be careful getting through the doorframe and we'll come back down for the cushions.

I think my girlfriend's a secret drug dealer

I just answered her phone, and this man said "is that dope still there?"

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This is a joke I wrote myself. It’s long, but I think it’s pretty good, personally…

This is a story about three friends who had known each other their whole lives.

They did everything together. You could not find one without the other two nearby. But, as so often happens, after graduation, they all went their separate ways. One of the friends went on to become a very success...

My Asian waiter just handed my food to the wrong customer because he's racist and thinks all white people look the same.

Wait, nevermind. That wasn't my waiter.

People in North Korea are so brainwashed by the government and the state controlled national news thinking their country is great. Outsiders know better.

That is why I am glad to live in the greatest country in the world, The United States of America.

Alyssa: “I’ve had it up to here with you, John! You think I talk like a pirate and you never buy me flowers!

John: OOGAA BOOGA

Dear Dad, $chool i$ great. I’m making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying hard. I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on

Dear Son,
I kNOw astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, Dad

I think my family is racist

I brought my Asian girlfriend home for dinner and my wife and kids were very rude to her.

My wife threatened to leave me due to my obsession with 'The Monkees'. I didn't think she was serious.

And then I saw her face...

If you can't think of a word, say "I forgot the English word for it."

That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot.

i think the story of Noah's life was a bit boring

But it did have a nice arc

A guy sees a lamp, rubs it, and a Genie comes out. The genie is so happy that he decides to grant one wish. The guy thinks about it and says "I want to be a powerful man in the world, and have a beautiful wife"

The next morning the guy awake in a unfamiliar room, and a beautiful woman said to him

"Wake up John, it's a busy day, we have a car tour in Dallas"

Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside

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Donald Trump is president. I think if George Washington were alive today, he'd look around and say, "What the fuck is going on? "

"How am I still alive?"

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I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license and all just because of a stupid police officer...

The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:

Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."

Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you ...

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times, and she won't think twice...

Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.

Because elephants never forget

Wife: Now that we've been married 20 years, how old do you think I look, honestly?

Husband: From your skin I'd say 28, from your hair 25, from your figure 29.

Wife: Oh, what a lovely thing to say.

Husband: Hang on, I haven't finished adding it up yet.

Do you think Jeff Bezos sleeps naked?

...or with pajamazon?

This is a joke we tell in Armenian, I think it comes out well in English too.

Little Johnny is in school one day when his teacher tells the class that she wants to hear each of them say a little about their families, and specifically what is needed in their lives.

The first student is a little girl, she stands up and says "my family is mostly happy but what we really n...

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“Doc, I think my son has gonorrhea,” a patient told his urologist on the phone. “The only woman he’s screwed is our maid.”

“OK, don’t be hard on him. He’s just a kid,” the doc soothed. “Get him in here right away and I’ll take care of him.”

“But, Doc, I’ve been screwing the maid, too, and I’ve got the same symptoms he has.”

“Then you come in with him and I’ll fix you both up,” replied the doctor.
...

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When you think about it, a vagina is a lot like a university.

They're both a lot easier to get into, if you're rich or an athlete.

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A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway an...

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The maid told her mistress :"I think I deserve a raise"

Mistress : Give me reasons why you need a raise?"

Maid "I cook better than you"

Mistress :" Who told that?"

Maid " Your husband did."

Mistress "Hmmm"

Maid "I clean the house better than you"

Mistress :" Who told that?"

Maid " Your husband did."
...

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One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years sees an unusual speck on the horizon."It's certainly not a ship", he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer Suddenly, emerging from the surf, comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She approaches the stunned guy and says: "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
"Ten years," replies the stunned man.
With that she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, takes a long...

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If a girl is uncomfortable watching you masturbate, do you think:

A. She is a prude and you have no future together.

B. You two should spend more time together so she can get used to that level of openness.

C. She should have sat somewhere else on the train?

I think my cat might be a communist

He won't shut up about Mao.

My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid. She thinks I'm following or even stalking her

She is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

There is a horse. The horse says "I don't think." and disappears.

This is a reference to the Descartes quote "I think, therefore I am."

But if I had explained that earlier, it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

I said to my wife, “I can’t think of a four letter word that means identical.”

Her: Same.

Me: Maybe we should get a thesaurus?

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Just after my wife had given birth, I asked the doctor, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?"

He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."

I think my local garage is ripping me off...

does anyone else think £500 for a Tesla exhaust is a lot?

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet.

I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

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I'm starting to think Jews really do run this country

but don't want to jump to conclusions, this my first time visiting Israel

"Doctor, I think I'm going deaf."

Doctor said, "Describe the symptoms."

\- "Well, Homer is bald, Marge has blue hair..."

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A farmer is worried that his sex life with his wife is getting a bit dry They go to see a therapist, who asks them what they think the problem is.

The wife says, "I just don't have time for it, I'm too busy cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry and everything else. Sex is starting to lose its appeal".

The farmer is disheartened to hear this, but listens to the therapist, who tells him, "You need to change things up a bit. You'll just hav...

I think my neighbour is stalking me. I caught her Googling my name. At least I think she was...

The focus on my telescope is a little shaky.

I really think OSHA should make an OnlyFans account

They're some of the leading experts in NSFW content after all

My girlfriend thinks I’m terrible in bed.

Kind of an unfair judgement to make in less than a minute.

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My girlfriend said she didn't think it was possible to seriously injure yourself by masturbating

But I managed to pull it off.

After 3 years, the wife starts to think...

...that their child looks different, so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the child is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you

Husband: What’s up?

Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not o...

If any of you here are thinking of getting married, consider the following before you do.

On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.

On the other hand, you don’t.

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With the way I see Asian people driving, it got me thinking...

Pearl Harbor might have been an accident.

I think the wife's got me a build-it-yourself scale model of a horse for my birthday next month.

I've just found a big piece of it hidden in her bedside drawer.

I can't see an end. I have no control and I don't think there's any escape. I don't even have a home anymore.

I think it's time for a new keyboard.

The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” I said, “If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my girlfriend mate.”

He said, “Why? Is she a stunner?” I said, “No, she’s an optician.”

I don’t think my girlfriend likes my schizophrenia meds

Because every time I take them she goes away

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A Nun was taking a bath when there was a knock at the door. "Who is it?" She asked. The voice back replies "It's the blind man, can I come in?" The Nun thinks for a moment and says "yes that's fine". The door opens and the man says.

Nice tits, where you want me to hang the blinds?

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On their 50th anniversary, a woman asks her husband, "What did you think of me when you first met me?"

The husband replies, "I wanted to fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry." The woman then asks, "What do think of me now?" The husband takes a good slow look, running his eyes up and down all over her body. Finally, he answers, "I think I did a pretty good job."

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women, I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific so I said

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

I think my wife has weekly sessions with the devil on how to be more evil.

I don't know what she charges him for it though.

Edit: Considering the attention, I should attribute this to the great Emo Phillips:

"People come up to me concerned... I'll reproduce"

"People come up to me and ask, Emo, do people really come up to you?"

"I len...

As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself...

maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.

I call my wife Bambi. She thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes...

But in reality it's because I want someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle

Whenever I’m in trouble, I think, 'what would Jesus do?'

Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for three days.

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Isn't it weird when sometimes you're thinking about someone and then they suddenly appear?

Anyway, my dad just caught me masturbating

Doctor: I think the patient is dying. What’s his blood type?

Nurse: B positive.

Doctor: Okay. I think the patient is going to make it.

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Up the mountain, a japanese asked the wise man: "Master Akira, why every western man thinks that we, japanese, all look alike?"

"I am not Master Akira."

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People keep grouping all Trump supporters with these Nazi movements recently, which I disagree with and think is quite silly.

After all, the Russians fought *against* the Nazis.

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I think every man at some point has tucked his penis between his legs and pretended he has a vagina.

I just wish I'd known that my girlfriend was doing it for the first six months of our relationship.

I’m seriously thinking about re-marrying my ex-wife…

But I’m pretty sure she’ll figure out I’m just after my money.

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My gf said men only think with their penis.

I told her to go ahead and blow my mind.

My wife thinks I don't give her enough privacy.

At least that's what she said in her diary.

I heard Reddit likes puns so I posted ten of them thinking at least one would reach the first page

No pun in ten did

I was thinking...

If a parent is trying to put his child to sleep and the child is refusing, wouldn’t it be illegal because technically the child is resisting a rest?

But then I realized it’s a lose-lose situation and it’s illegal either way because if the child willingly goes to sleep it makes it a kid nappi...

I think my deaf girlfriend is falling in love with a deaf friend of hers.

I’ve been noticing——the signs aren’t good.

Why do some people think Jesus was black?

Cause he is our father, and he never came back.

No one believes seniors . . . Everyone thinks they are senile

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared...

TIL in 1974 Russians accidentally blew up their own submarine, thinking it was an enemy

Oops, wrong sub

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "surely I can't look that old.".

Well . . . you'll love this story..

from a lady called Claire

"My name is Claire..
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.

I noticed his degree on the wall, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall , handsome, dark...

Think Mayweather/Mcgregor is going to be the biggest fight of the year?

Just wait until my girl finds out I paid $100 to see it.

I used to have a rare psychological disorder that made me think I was various bodies of water.

I'm well now.

I was thinking the other day ...

So I shouted, "Thomeone help! I can't thwim!"

A woman said to her husband: "I just dreamt that you gave me a necklace of pearls. What do you think it means?"

The man smiled and said: "You'll know tonight." That evening, the man came home with a small package which he gave to his wife. She embraced him, and then slowly and unwrapped the package. It contained a book entitled, The Meaning of Dreams.

I’m sitting here thinking about leaving my husband. He hasn’t been intimate with me since our son died. I would leave right now,

But the ambulance is still in the drive way blocking my car.

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Rihanna was asked; "why do you think Chris Brown was denied a visa in Australia?"

She replied:

"Beats the hell outta me"

A friend told me my thinking is too one-dimensional.

I can't imagine y.

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I think there is a reason I can’t find my girlfriends Clitoris

But I just can’t put my finger on it.

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During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"

He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."

I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."

He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

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I think my coworkers are gay

Every time I walk by, they mumble "what an ass"

How old do you think I am?

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday.

She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results.

On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around.
As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you
don't mind me asking, but how old do you thin...

Doctor: You might have a phobia of marriage. Do you think you have the symptoms?

Man: Can’t say I do.

Doctor: Yes. That’s the main one.

I call my girlfriend Bambi. She thinks it's because she's cute.

I just really hope her mom gets shot.

An original joke walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Welcome to /r/Jokes! I don't think I've seen you here before." Original joke replies...

"Don't worry. Within a week or two, I'll be a regular here!"

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I used to think all black people had boomboxes

then I realized that was just a stereo type

I stayed up all night trying to think of a joke.

And then it dawned on me.

"Son, I don't think you're cut out to be a mime."

"Was it something I said?" Asks the son.

"Yes."

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A man asks his doctor: "Do you think I'll live to be a hundred?"

The doctor asks the man "Well, that depends. Do you drink?"

"Oh, no sir! I abstain from all alcohol. Soda, too. I just drink plenty of fresh water."

"Do you smoke?"

"No, sir! Never smoked in my life, and I stay away from any place with second hand smoke."

"Do you eat a lo...

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"I can't think until after I ejaculate,"

I came to realize.

*edit:* thank you for the awards! My mom's going to be so proud I got my first ones on a pun about post-nut clarity!

If you think a microwave spying on you is bad, just remember

Your vacuum has been gathering dirt on you for years.

I sat next to baby on a ten hour flight. I didn’t think it was possible for someone to cry for ten hours straight.

Even the baby was impressed I pulled it off.

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I don't understand why everyone thinks the KKK are racist.

Every week at our meetings there's always tons of black people hanging around.

I like to think I’m a pretty good man. I give over 50% of my paycheck to Charity.

But when she’s not working I give it to Destiny.

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Whenever I hear of a Putin General I think of this really piss poor joke:

A soldier shows up for military training, but realizes he forgot to bring his gun.

The sergeant hands him a stick and gestures to the training field.

"You'll have to use this, soldier. If you need to shoot someone, just aim your stick at them and shout 'Bangity bang-bang'. If someone g...

A lost dog strays into the jungle one day. From a distance, a lion sees this and thinks to himself, "Hmmm, this guy looks edible, I've never seen his kind before". So the lion starts running towards the dog with menace but the dog notices this and starts to panic.

As he's about to run he sees some bones on the ground next to him, gets an idea and says loudly, "Mmm... That was some good lion meat!"

The lion screeches to a halt and says, "Woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can" and then runs away.

Over in a tree, is...

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My wife has been complaining that someone has been sexually harassing her at work, but I think it's her fault

Honestly, what does she expect working from home

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I just sold viagra to a guy who thinks it's adderal.

He's going to have a very hard test tomorrow.

the joke is originally in persian but i think it works in english too

kid:"hey mom are you adding carrots to that soup?"

mom:"yeah, i know you dont like carrots but dont worry, you wont taste the carrot at all"

kid:"then why do you add carrots?"

mom:"because it makes it tastier"

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I think I enjoy the rodeo position the most

Its where you get your girl down on all fours and mount her from behind then you reach around cup her tits and whisper in her ear.

"Boy these feel almost as nice as your sisters."

then you try and hold onto 30 seconds.

My wife left me because she thinks I'm too insecure.

No wait, she's back. She just went to make a cup of tea.

One morning Snow White said to her prince, "I haven't visited the seven dwarves in ages. I think I'll visit them for a week."

The next day, Snow white came back to the castle in a huff.

"Why are you back so early?" asked the prince.

"Grumpy harassed me," replied Snow White.

"What happened?"

"Well, as soon as I entered the cottage, he told me my hair smelled nice."

"That doesn't sound like...

I think my family is racist

I've been nervous for weeks, but I finally decided to introduce them to my Spanish girlfriend

My kids refused to talk to her and my wife started crying and told me to pack my things

I think I've been hacked by Russia

Edit: I not hacked. Motherland do no such thing. Have good day.

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A wife says to her husband, "I called the surgery saying I think I'm pregnant, and they said to bring in a specimen. What do they mean?"

He says "I don't know, but Mary next door has been pregnant loads of times, so why not go and ask her?"

So off she goes, and she comes back later with a fat lip, a thick ear, a nosebleed, a black eye, and half her clothing ripped to shreds, and her husband says "What in the name of Jesus, Mar...

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Everyone thinks I have a nice butt

When I walk by, I always hear people wisper under their breath, "what an ass!"

Same thing... right?

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I think butter substitutes are better than butter

But only margarinely

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I think you'll like this joke, even though it's a little long

An Elderly Irish lady visits her physician
To ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.
"What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor.
"Not a chance" she replied. "He won't even take an aspirin".
"Not a problem," said the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra.”
"What on Earth is Iri...

I'm thinking about opening up a Swedish restaurant but my chef isn't actually Swedish

Do you think anyone will notice I'm using an artificial Swedener on my food?

People think that “queue” is just “q” followed by 4 silent letters

But those letters aren’t silent.

They’re just waiting their turn.

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I have a bumper sticker that says, "honk if you think I'm sexy"...

I just sit at green lights until I feel good about myself.

I think my wife’s cheating on me with my best friend.

He’s been miserable lately. Poor guy.

Not everybody thinks Cleopatra is beautiful

But that's how Julius Caesar.

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I never used to think I was very sexy. I always hated my eyes, ears and nose.

Then one day, I came to my senses.

I think I have a fetish for the last paragraph of an essay. How do I know?

I just came to that conclusion.

How do you think the unthinkable?

With an Itheberg

- Mike Tyson

Americans always have something to complain about, then suddenly they'll move on. Remember when people were up in arms about cupcakes, bathrooms, statues, police, riots, clean water? So when you think this "Wall" thing will last forever, just remember...

People will eventually get over it.

I think there should be a vote recount.

It’ll be awesome to see Trump lose twice.

A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.

"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife, and they carry on shopping.

A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.

"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,...

Robert Kennedy Junior is running to become US President, and I think Americans should give him a shot.

And a couple of boosters, just to be sure.

A guy was watching TV and his wife came in and said, "The car won't start. I think there's water in the carburetor."

The guy was annoyed and said, "You don't even know what a carburetor is, let me diagnose the problem...where's the car?" And his wife said, "In the pond in front of our house."

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Guys, I think my girlfriend might be a psychic.

Last night my phone died while I was out, so I used my brother's phone to call her.
And she answered, "What's up, sexy?" Before I even said a word!

A religious man was thinking about how good his wife was to him, so he prayed to god to give thanks.

To the man’s astonishment, the booming voice of god spoke to him.

**Man:** God, I’m so grateful that you gave me my wife. If I may ask, my Lord, why did you make her so beautiful?

**God:** I made her so beautiful so that you could love her, my son.

**Man:** And why did you mak...

They currently think the person who ruined the Tour de France might have been German.

Well, she did try to take down a whole race...

I think it’s a mistake to call childbirth delivery.

It should be called takeout instead.

I think I'm failing my marine biology class

My grade is below C level.

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If you think that your computer, laptop and phone spying on you is scary then think again,

Because your vaccum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see's a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!

So he turns on his lights
and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five
old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the
back, wide eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him,
"Officer, I don't understand, I was ...

How do you think the unthinkable?

Thteer it thtraight into an itheberg.

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“If you don’t do it you might regret it” said the heart. “But you might get hurt” spoke the brain. “We think you should go for it” said the guts

“Just what the HELL was that?!?” protested the anus.

Do you know what Mexicans think about Trump's wall?

Who cares, they'll get over it..

My wife broke up with me yesterday because I'm a compulsive gambler and ever since, all I can think about is...

...how to win her back.

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I think I need to find a new doctor, after my last prostrate exam

It’s never comfortable to be prodded up the butt, but I got suspicious when the doctor said, “I need to go deeper, this may hurt a bit”, and then he put both of his hands on my shoulders.

A horse walks into a bar; the bartender asks, "Hello, do you want a beer?" The horse responds, "I think not," and promptly disappears.

Now, admittedly, this joke only makes sense if you are familiar with the French Enlightenment philosopher, Rene Descartes, who famously said, "I think, therefore I am." The horse thought not, and therefore wasn't...

But if I had explained that first, I would have been putting Descartes before...

I don't think I'm strong enough anymore for my job as a personal trainer

So I guess I'll hand in my too weak notice

I think I banged a Chinese celebrity

She kept screaming "I'm Wei Tu Yung" like I was supposed to know the name.

What do you call a German taxi driver who thinks Germany is above all?

An Über driver.

If you think Omicron's bad..

Just wait until Megatron shows up.

Some people think filling animals with helium is wrong...

I don't judge. Whatever floats your goat.

If I had a penny for every time someone said they think I have OCD...

I'd have 1,526 pennies.

I’m thinking of a career where I estimate crowd sizes at different outdoor events.

I wonder how many people are in that field.

My dad CLAIMS to have invented this joke. I think it's too good and don't want to give him credit, but I can't find it online.

This story takes place in 1860. Back 150+ years ago, presidental candidates didn't have nearly the luxuries current candidates do. The didn't stay in five star hotels or travel by private jet - they stayed with normal families on their campaigns and in exchange for a place to stay, would do chores a...

When I see lovers' nαmes cαrved in α tree, I don't think it's sweet.

I just think it's surprising how mαny people bring a knife on a dαte.

EDIT I removed comments with α since some of you didn't like it.

Also this is an old joke . Look some posts from several years ago. https://twitter.com/biiimurray/status/361654153811996672.

http://www.su...

Three men are chatting when the first says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a plumber.

"I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A pipe."

"I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician," says the second. "I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A box of fuses."

"I think my wife is having an affair with a horse," says the thi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw a hot girl in class today, I kept thinking to myself “don’t get a boner.”

Then she did and my day was ruined.

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