This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A big city doctor visits an Native American tribe full of men and he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?"

"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey....

A young student looking for a job goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store.

The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid says “Very little.”

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was l...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

my wife asked me if I wish she had been born with big tits.

I told her that I find big tits on babies disturbing.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.


That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife said, “I dreamed they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for a hundred dollars and the thick ones went for two hundred dollars.”

Chuckling, I asked, “How about the ones like mine?”

She retorted, “Those, they gave away.”

Not to be outdone, I said, “I had a dream too. I dreamed they were auctioning off pussies. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the tight little ones went for two thousand.”

Sh...

I went to the bar last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.

I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

A blind man visits Texas. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. “Wow, this bed is big!”

“Everything is bigger in Texas,” says the bellhop.

The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge barstool and orders a beer. A mug is placed between his hands. “Wow these drinks are big!”

The bartender replies, “Everything is big in Texas.”

After downing a few, the bl...

One time last year when I was in Baltimore out late, I got jumped by three big black guys.

They were real nice, car started right up with no problems, and they even helped me get back to the interstate.

Two guys are walking through the woods one day when they stumble across a big deep hole.

The first guy peers into it and says, "Wow! That looks deep."

The second guy says, "It sure does. Let's throw a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is. We'll be able to tell the depth by how long it is before we hear the noise of the pebbles landing."

So they pick up a few pebbles...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A professional gambler wins big and dies of an aneurysm.

When he gets to the afterlife, he finds himself at the back of a miles-long line to get into Heaven.

Drawing on his experience, the gambler immediately thinks of a way to get ahead of everyone else. He taps the old man ahead of him on the shoulder...

"Want to make a bet while we wait?"...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I have this thing for girls with big butts

Chloroform.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why are pirates all sexually frustrated?

Because they’re looking for booty but all they ever find is big chests.

Orion's Belt is a big waist of space.

Bad joke. Only three stars.

How big is the average fence?

Around a yard.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife told me I had a small penis, so I said it was big enough to hurt her.

“There isn’t a woman in the world that would be hurt by that thing,” she said.

I then showed her a video of me fucking her sister.

Two men were walking through the woods when they came across a big deep hole.

Two men were walking through the woods when they came across a big deep hole.

'Wow ... that looks deep,' says one. 'Let's toss a few pebbles in and see how deep it is.'
They threw in a few pebbles and waited, but there was no sound.

'Gee - that is a really deep hole. Let's throw one...

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

"One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why is Santa’s sack so big

He only cums once per year

If you think I'm a big Supertramp fan..

you should take a look at my girlfriend!

I call my wife Bambi. She thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes...

But in reality it's because I want someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle

There was once a big cat that loved flowers so much he became one.

His name was Dan de lion.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If a blind girl says you have a big penis

She's probably pulling your leg

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"Babe, a tiny penis isn't such a big deal.."

"I don't know Jenny.. I kinda wished you didn't have one at all.."

The Italian government has decided to put a big clock similar to Big Ben in the leaning tower of Piza.

Now they’ll have the time as well as the inclination.

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?

A pool table.

Q: What is big as a house, makes a lot of smoke and noise, takes down 20 liters of gas per hour, and cuts an apple into three pieces?

A: a Soviet machine designed to cut apples into four pieces.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife is doing a sponsored parachute jump tomorrow and I am genuinely terrified that the chute won't open.

Last time something that big hit the earth, the fucking dinosaurs got wiped out.

What do you call the Ant Man when he becomes super big?

giANT man.

I’d like to give a big shout out to all the sidewalks out there...

...for keeping me off the streets.

I found this big hammer laying around in Norway so I've been tossing it around.

Boy am I Thor.

What is big, grey and not important?

An Ir-elephant

Some people don’t know why the black hole picture is such a big deal...

Honestly, they just don’t get the gravity of it.

I like using big words I don't know the meaning of

I think it makes me sound very photosynthesis,

Two orphan children are on the run after stealing a big basket of tangerines from the store

They run into the cemetery to hide, but drop two at the gate
Child 1: It's fine! We have plenty more in the basket. Hurry! We must hide!


They find a bush to take cover and begin counting out the tangerines...
"One for me, one for you, one for me, one for you"


They...

Too big

I told my wife the other day that my stomach was getting too big. She said, "Why don't you diet?" I said, "The color is fine it's just too big!"

There once was a lady from China, who had a great big....

...cargo liner.
Shipping drinks of crushed fruit
90 sailors to boot
She had a boat load of sea-men 'n cider

My wife and I decided that in our marriage, I would make all of the big decisions, and she would make all of the little ones.

Married 30 years. No big decisions yet.

You know I gotta say, I’m a big fan of shields.

They’re really something I can get behind.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I don't know why sex with customers is such a big deal

Well, anyway, I lost my job at the cemetery.

What is big, yellow, and can’t swim?

A school-bus.

What do you call a white man with a big d*ck?

Michael Jackson

What's big, red and bad for your teeth?

A brick

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The other day I saw a big-breasted bikini barista working in a coffee stand

So I pull into the drive through and order a small coffee, just as an excuse to get a closer look at her 36DD boobs. She hands me the coffee & says "That'll be $9!"

​

Shocked I asked her why it costs so much. She shrugged & responded "All drink prices are based on ...

Why does China have such a big population of 1bn people?

Because their condoms are "Made in China"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A big brute of a Navy SEAL dies and goes to heaven...

As he’s standing at the pearly gates, Saint Peter beckons him to come nearer.
St. Peter: What is it exactly that you did back on earth?
Navy SEAL: We’ll I’m a big, badass motherfucker, I have 218 confirmed insurgent kills, blown up strongholds killing hundreds of ISIS leaders. Even taken two b...

Did you hear about the guy that fell into the big hole in the ground with water at the bootom?

He couldn't see that well

A bear walks into a bar and says he wants a whiskey and .................... a coke. The bartender says no problem but what’s with the big pause?

The bear says I don’t know I was born this way

I didn’t think it was any big achievement, but...

This doctors note says I haven’t used my muscles in so long, I’m getting a trophy!

What's the difference between Big Ben and the Queen of England?

One is inhuman, intricately decorated, and exists only to mark the passage of time.

​

The other one's a clock.

Two guys found a big hole in the middle of the woods.

First guy says, "Man would you look at that hole, wonder how deep it is?".

Second guy replies, "Good question, let's throw something in there and listen for it to hit the bottom".

So the guys throw in a rock and wait. Nothing.

Next they try a big heavy tree branch. Nothing a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I caught a big dildo while I was fishing today

I mounted it

What do both Paul Walker and Vin Diesel have in common?

Both of their last big hits were trees

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If Medusa had big boobs, she’d be highly ineffective towards men.

But then men quickly become hard when they look at her.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a spider with a big dick?

Daddy nine legs.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why don't boxers have sex before a big match?

They're just friends.

Why do the Lannisters have such big beds?

They push twins together to make a king.

What’s big red and will kill you if it falls out of a tree?

A fire truck

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was a big metal fan back in high school.

Back in high school I was a big metal fan.

At the beginning of the summer holidays I was at this awesome house party.

It was just high school kids in the house so we were able to turn the volume way up and had a pretty awesome playlist: Metallica, Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, Iron Mai...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The big misunderstanding

A young German man is sitting all day in his room, playing video games. His granddad berates him:

When I was your age I was living crazy life. I went to Moulin Rouge, drank all night without paying, climbed on the scene to dance with the girls, slapped one of them and went home with the other...

My d*** is as big from A to Z

-Look on your keyboard...

I'm part of a big band group called The Megabytes.

Our thousandth member recently joined, finally readying us for our debut live performance.

It'll be our first gig.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why don't more guys marry ladies with big vaginas?

A girl like that is hard to come by.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A big rubber dildo hits the windshield of the family car

Daughter in the back says: "what was that?"

Mother answers: "nothing sweetheart.... Just a big fat bug"

Daughter replies: "it had a huge dick though!"

A girl is at the doctor. The doctor is about to use the stethoscope and says "Big Breath"

The girls says "Yeth, and I'm only thixteen"

My doctor is a very big liar.

He told me I had an auto-immune disease.

Well guess what?

I got hit by a car and that still hurt like hell and left me with multiple fractures.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man saw a lady with big breasts

He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes." Eventually the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."

What do you call a female pop star with big nipples?

Areola Grande.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was talking with my friend and he asked my how big my dick is

I told him "3 inches, but that's ok. Some girls like it that wide."

Big Jim could tell how any animal was killed and with what weapon...

Big Jim would go to the tavern every night and proclaim he could tell how any animal was killed and with what weapon. If he could do it, he would get a free drink. After a long night of correctly identifying deer killed with arrows, and bears taken down with guns, Big Jim was exceptionally drunk and...

Why did the big moron fall off and the little moron didn't?

Because he was a little moron.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A big time mafia boss gets out of prison much earlier than expected...

The first thing he does is he gets back in touch with his trusted lawyer.


He says to the lawyer "Remember when I stashed away all that money in floorboards of Luigi's Pizza place?, let's go pay our old pal a visit and make a withdrawal, I wanna move the load someplace else"

<...

My Doctor just advised me to quit drinking. This is going to be really difficult and a big adjustment...

I’ve been with this Doctor for 35 years.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man goes to the doctor because his penis is too big...

The doctor has a look and says yes, that’s too big at 25 inches, but I don’t want to operate on you. However, he continues, there’s a frog in the forest nearby, and if you ask her to marry you, she’ll say “no” and your penis will be 5 inches shorter.

The man goes into the forest, finds the f...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was a couple who were big over-spenders. They always dreamed to spend holidays in Hawaii, but never able to save any money to do so.

One day they came with an idea. Each time they make love, they will put a 10 note into a piggy bank. They bought the piggy, and followed that procedure for about a year.

After that time, they decided that there is enough money for their dream vacation and broke the piggy bank.

The ...

A man goes to heaven, and to his surprise, he sees a huge wall covered in clocks.

A man goes to heaven, and after walking through the gates, he gets escorted to a waiting room. In the room, he sees a huge wall, covered in clocks. Each clock has only one hand, and each hand has a name written on it. Some clocks are moving rather slowly, while others go a full circle in less than t...

My wife just told me that in 9 months, I’m in for a big surprise!!

I can’t wait for Santa to come now!!

How big is the specific ocean?

Sorry, could you be a little more pacific.

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman each placed a bid for a big government construction job.

"I'll do it for 30 million," said the Englishman. "How is that figure broken down?" asked the civil servant in charge of the scheme. "10 million for the labour, 10 million for the materials and 10 million for me," said the Englishman.


The Irishman was called in next and said, "I'll do ...

I'm not a big fan of one liners.

I prefer people who can handle their cocaine.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was this guy at a bar looking at his drink but not drinking. He stayed like this for half an hour. A few minutes later, a big built truck driver walks in and sits next to him and takes the drink from the guy & gulps it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver perplexed asks the guy, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a grown ass man cry."

"No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his tears.

"Today is the worst day of my life.

...

Did you hear about the big fight at the campground?

It was in tents

At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang?”

The professor replied, “Sorry. No Time.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man and his wife were getting dressed for a big event. After putting on her dress, she asked her husband, "does this dress make my ass look fat?"

The husband sighed, and asked his wife, "Honey, do you promise me you won't get mad, no matter how I answer?"

His wife said, "I promise, I'll never bring it up again."

The husband looked her over and said, "I fucked your sister."

At a costume party- Guy: What are you? Girl: I’m a Harp Guy: that looks a little big to be a harp.

Girl: Are you calling me a Lyre?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and sees a big jar full of money on the counter

He asks the bartender about it, and he replies, "Oh, it's for this ongoing... I guess you'd call it a contest."

Intrigued, the man asks how it works.

"Well, you put $100 in and then you'll win the whole jar if you complete three tasks."

The jar is quite large and full to the b...

I'm not really a big fan of boat puns

But frigate

I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, she said yes with a big smile.

The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Pat and Mick were walking down the street when Pat fell into a big hole filled with milk.

Mick runs over to the hole and asks:

“Pat, is it pasteurised?”

To which Pat replies:

“Nah, it’s only up to my knees!”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My friend likes to stick big Macs up his butt.

I think he has ass-burgers syndrome.

A: I'm in a big trouble!

A: I'm in a big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don't have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can't afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need...

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers

Whilst working out earlier I found a hole in my trainer big enough to put my finger in

But apparently she doesnt like that, and now I'm banned from my gym.

Why shouldn’t you ask big favors of certain diagnosed patients?

They usually come with conditions

Slogan for a cattle farm that's struggling to survive after being pressured by big pharma

We're doing rBST.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Once upon a time, a noble knight and his horse got lost in a dark forest

Once upon a time, a noble knight and his horse got lost in a dark forest when he suddenly came across a fairy. The fairy says: "Oh noble knight, you're the first human being to find me in 300 years. So as a reward, I'll grant you three wishes."

The knight takes some time to think, he already ...

Big bird's flock rejected him because of how tall he was...

He was ostrich-sized.

Did you hear about the 50 plus year old Sci Fi fan with big nipples?

Areola 51

I don‘t think antivaxxers are such a big problem.

I was just walking through the subway when I saw 2 homeless people vaccinating themselves.

A poor man & a man in a big black SUV arrive at the pearly gates...

Saint Peter immediately opens the gates for the man in the SUV and throws him a Big Party. A couple hours later he remembers the poor man still waiting. The poor man asked why he didn't get a celebration. St. Peter said we get poor people hear every day. But it's not very often we get a politician ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My girlfriend told me she was glad that she finally met a nice guy with a big dick and a fat wallet.

I should have never introduced her to my dad.