A blonde and a redhead have a ranch...

They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I’m planning a charity event for people who struggle to achieve an orgasm

If you can’t come, let me know

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more! .

Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I com...

I went for an interview at IKEA.

The manager greeted me by saying, "Come in, make a seat."

What's the difference between acne and a catholic priest?

Acne waits till 14 to come on your face.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I told a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs...

"Really?" she said, "Go on then...try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she lost patience and demanded "Come on, what day was I born?" “Yesterday." I replied.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm having a meeting at my house for people who have trouble reaching orgasm.

Let me know if you can't come.

A cowboy walks into a saloon.

He sits down at the bar and orders a whiskey. He chugs it down and says "TGIF!". A Mexican walks in, shakes his head, and says "SPIT!". A few minutes go by and the cowboy has downed his third whiskey. He stands up and declares, "TGIF!". The Mexican looks at the cowboy with a puzzled look, "SPIT" he ...

How do you cancel an appointment with a sperm bank?

Tell them you can't come.

A man stumbles upon a lamp on the beach, rubs it, and a genie comes out.

"I shall grant you three wishes- but keep in mind that anything you wish for, your mother-in-law will get the same, two-fold."

The man thinks. "OK. For my first wish, I'd like to have a villa with an ocean view."

The genie says "OK, but your mother-in-law will have two."

"That's...

New Teslas don't come with a new car smell

They come with an Elon Musk.

"Come forth and I shall grant you eternal life" God said

But John came 5th and won a toaster.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why condoms come in packs of 3, 6 and 12!

A man walks into the pharmacy with his 8-year old son.

They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called Condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boy pensiv...

Look, No Nut November jokes are pretty lame right now but

in December their time will come

Two Priests are walking down the street when a drunk man comes up to them.

He says to the first Priest "I'm Jesus Christ."

The Priest replies "No son, you're not!"

So he says to the second "I'm Jesus Christ."

He says "No son, you're not."

The drunk says "Look I can prove it."

He takes the two Priests into the bar.

The bartender tak...

How come Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?

Because they’re the one who make the toys.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.


That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This German shepherd comes and takes a shit on my lawn every day.

Yesterday, he brought his dog along.

Girl: “Come over”

Guy: “Im coming over”

Girl: “We should stop using walkie talkies in bed, over”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?

Your salary, it comes once a month, lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come it means you are fucked.

Why haven't aliens come to our solar system?

They checked our reviews.

One star.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man came home to his wife who had the BDSM equipment out [NSFW]

Wife: "Come and play with me"
Man: "Okay..."

He tied her down, and one of the things the woman was into was using objects that aren't meant for sexual use for her pleasure.

So, the man went into the backyard and got a wooden post from the fence.

He walked back in and slid th...

The punchline comes first.

What's the worst part about time travel jokes?

My mom used to feed me by saying: “Here comes the train!” I always ate everything.

Otherwise she wouldn’t untie me from the tracks.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So this guy with premature ejaculation comes out of nowhere

That’s it... that’s the whole fucking joke.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An English and an Irish farmer are arguing at their fence over Politics when along comes a chicken and lays an egg right on the fence boundary.

The English farmer exclaims "It's my egg, because it's my Chicken", and the Irish farmer replies with "Well, the egg is mostly on my side of the fence, so it's mine". They argue back and forth about an hour, until the Irish farmer comes up with a solution.

"To see who the strongest farmer is...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man is walking on the beach when he discovers a bottle containing a genie. He rubs it and a genie comes out, promises to grant him one wish. He says, "Peace in the Middle east, that's my wish." The genie looks concerned, then says "No, I'm sorry, that's just not possible."

"Some things just can't be changed. Do you have another wish?" The guys says "Well... for my whole life I've never received oral sex from my wife. That would be my wish." The genie pauses for another moment and then says, "How would you define peace?"

What is it called when you die and come back as a hillbilly?

**Reintarnation**

A priest and a permanently drunken bus driver from the same village come to the pearly gates and request entry to heaven.

St. Peter says to the priest " You wait two years," and to the bus driver, " You go straight in."

The priest protests, " How come? I have been preaching every Sunday for so many years - and he is nothing but a drunken bus driver."

St. Peter replies, "Listen, when you preached, they all...

What do you call it when a hillbilly dies and comes back as something else?

Reintarnation

Nurse comes in and tells the doctor “there is a man in the waiting room that says he is invisible. What should I tell him?”

Doctor replies, “tell him I can’t see him today. “

I went to a sperm bank to become a donor.

Apparently they did not want me, they just told me to beat it.

Where do little jokes come from?

A dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Kid Comes Home From School

He tells his father his mathematics teacher wants to see him. His father asks why and kid says "well he asked me what is 6x7 and i said 42 then he asked me what is 7x6 and i said what the fuck is the difference?" his father says "ok i will visit your teacher when i have time.".

&#x200B;<...

I asked a co-worker to come over late at night. She said she wanted to keep our relationship professional.

I said, "Okay, you can pay me."

Sherlock and Watson are browsing the market, when they come across a stall selling lemons.

"I wonder," says Watson, picking up a lemon and examining it closely. "Exactly where do these fruits come from?"

"Well," says Sherlock, plucking the lemon out of Watson's hands. "It's a lemon tree, my dear Watson."

What comes after 69?

Mouthwash

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the Doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The Doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and seeming a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

"Breast-fed," she replied.

"Strip down to your waist," the Doctor said.

She did.

He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and...

A mother is cooking dinner when she hears her son come back from school...

"How was you English test today?" She asked

"It was easy except I had trouble on this one difficult question"

"What did it ask?" The mother replied

"It asked for the past tense of think"

"What did you answer it as?" The mother says.

"I couldn't really figure it out...

Engineer and Anti-vaxxer come to the bridge

Anti-vaxxer says to the engineer: Is it safe to cross the bridge?

Engineer: It is 99,97% safe to cross that bridge.

Anti-vaxxer: I'd rather swim.

I was surprised to find that "Trailer Park Barbie" doesn't come with bruising on her body

Then I realized battery not included

A man was riding a bus, minding his own business

A man was riding a bus, minding his own business, when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breastfeed her baby..

The baby wouldn’t take it, so she said,
“Come on sweetie, eat it all up or
I’ll have to give it to this nice man next to us.”

Five minutes later, the baby was s...

I was watering the plants when my wife said "Can you come inside and unlock your phone after you're done watering the plants? There's something I need to see."

I have been watering the plants for the last four days.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A boy comes home from school and tells his father that his homework is to learn the difference between theory and reality...

The father says ‘son, that’s easy. I’ll give you an example. Go into the kitchen and ask your mother if she would sleep with the plumber for a million dollars’.


After a short while the son comes back from the kitchen and says ‘father, I have spoken with mother and she said she would sleep...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was just invited to come to a benefit for legless women.

I hear the place is going to be crawling with pussy.

The final episode of Game of Thrones should end in a huge musical number where everyone comes back to life for some reason and nothing is explained and no real ending is given.

That'll cause riots.

HER: come home

HIM: can't i am arrested for double homicide

HER: my parents aren't home

HIM: about that

A teenager comes home from a party and is drunk

His mom is knows this and asks "are you drunk?" The kid denies it, shakng his head and saying "I'm not drunk." The mom comes up with a test and says, "alright then, tell the time." The kid walks over to the clock and says "I'm not drunk."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man comes home from work with lipstick on his shirt.

His wife demands he tell her how exactly he managed to get lipstick on his shirt because it certainly wasn't hers.

He says 'It's pretty simple really, I wiped my dick on it'.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A young whale asks his father "hey dad, where did i come from?"

"From the sperm in my balls" The dad replies.

"Thanks dad"

"You're whale cum son, you're whale cum"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Man calls his boss and says "I can't come in today, I'm sick"

"How sick are you?" His boss asks.

"I've just fucked my sister, sick enough for you."

When it comes to what I like most about dad jokes, I will say this:

this

Wife: Do you want to come home at lunchtime today for a quickie?

Me: It's pronounced "quiche"

How come churches don't have Wi-Fi?

Because they don't want to compete with an invisible power that actually works.

The one place you can come outside but never go back in.

Your Mom's uterus.

What kind of wine comes in a Box?

Cardbordeaux

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A son comes out as gay

Son: I'm gay

Dad:*clenches fist*

Mom: don't

Dad*sweats profusely

Mom:......

Dad: hey gay I'm dad

A police officer pulled over a lawyer who had failed to come to a complete stop at a stop sign.

The lawyer argued his case that the spirit of the law was simply that the maneuver be safe and since he hadn't caused an accident his actions complied with the law.

The officer disagreed and informed the lawyer he would issue him a ticket.

"I will accept that ticket if you can explain ...

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back to you?

A stick

A great way to come out to your family:

“I like my women like my coffee.

I don’t like coffee.”

[NSFW] Where does virgin wool come from?

Sheep the Shepherd couldn’t catch.

What comes out when a cheese factory explodes?

'De Brie

My math teacher asked me in class today "What comes after 69"?

Apparently mouthwash isn't the answer.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I once had a girl break up with me because I wasn't into the whole pissing fetish. No half measures when it comes to that fetish.

Either urine or you're out.

Two Americans were walking in the Arabian desert one morning, when they come across a mosque.

They hadn't had food or water for days, and thought maybe the people in the mosque would give them some.

"Ok, Joe, we will tell these people we are Muslims, and maybe they will give us some food and something to drink. You'll be Hassan, and I'll be Muhammed", said Roger.

"No way, man. ...

Little Johny comes in to school one morning wearing a brand new watch...

His best friend, little Tommy, wants to know where the watch is from, so Johnny tells his story: “I was coming from the bathroom to my bedroom when I heard a strange noise from my parent’s bedroom. I walked in and saw them bouncing up and down. Dad said I could have anything I wanted as long as I di...

A fella is on safari in Africa when he comes across an elephant.

It's lying on the ground in distress. He investigates and finds a thorn in its foot.


He removes it and the elephant happily trots away.
20 years later the man in standing in London watching a circus procession pass by.


When along comes an elephant, as it gets level...

A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, “Something has just come up. I need to go fishing with the boss for the weekend.

We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas? I’ll be home in an hour to pick them up.”

He hurries home, grabs everything, and rushes off. Sunday night, he returns. His wife asks, “Did you have a good trip?”

“Oh yes, great! I think I r...

An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house.

As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:

COLD BEER: $5.00
HAMBURGER: $10.00
CHEESEBURGER: $15.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $18.50
HAND JOB: $250.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money, the old golfer walks ...

The same image comes to most people's heads when someone say speakers.

Stop with the stereotypes.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The son comes home with an ear piercing in his left ear. The father looks at him and says:

- Son, there are two types of men who have a earing.
Gays and pirates.
Now i'm gonna look out this window and you better hope i see a ship

Kid comes back from school crying

Kid: mom, the mean kids at school called me hairy. What do i do?



Mom: MARIO, THE DOG IS TALKING AGAIN!!

Only good thing to have come out of my accident and becoming paraplegic is realising what my dream job is

Stand up comedian

Parents come for their son to tell him a secret.

Parents: "You are adopted."

Son: "What?? Who are my real parents??"

Parents: "Oh, we are, but your new ones are waiting outside."

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife died.

My mother used to say "never come back home late at night"

I never disobey her. I come back early in the morning.

How come when NASA shows pictures of their black hole, it’s “breaking news”

But when I show pictures of mine it’s an “HR violation”

I called my boss to say, ‘sorry I can’t come in today, I’m sick.’

He asked, ‘how sick are you?’

I said; ‘well, I’m in bed with my sister’

A woman comes home from work...

A woman comes home early from work and finds her husband screwing a goat.

The husband says, “I’m so sorry honey, this is the pig I fool around with when you’re not around.”

The wife responds, “That’s not a pig, that’s a goat!”

The husband replies, “I wasn’t talking to you.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Where do Jews really come from?

They came from Jupiter.

How do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter, it's not going to come.

Saint Peter decides to take a day off work, and Jesus takes his place. St. Peter explains that he should ask any person who comes to the gates a little about themselves before they enter. Then you decide whether or not they should be allowed into heaven.

It's a slow day, but most people are allowed to enter. Then a frail old man shows up. Jesus urges him to sit down and starts asking some questions. . "What did you do for a living", Jesus asks.

"I was a carpenter", the man replies.

"Did you have any family", Jesus asks.

"I had a...

A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the da...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop, hop, hop, when he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed. Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest."

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed. The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run, run, run. Hop, hop, hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep. This sheep is about to shoot up heroin. The ra...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

On Christmas Eve, a postman is collecting letters from the post box when he comes across a letter addressed to Father Christmas

Intrigued, he opens it, to find, scrawled in orange crayon, the words

"Dear Santa,

My family is very poor, so this year I don't want any presents. Please could you just send me £20 so I can give it to my parents?

Love Kevin".

Touched, the postman searches his pockets, wh...

Why wouldn’t the Moon come to the Sun’s funeral?

He isn’t a mourning person

[Long] Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the ground. So large that they can't see the bottom of this hole. "I wonder how deep it is.", the first man says. The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into hole. They wait and listen....

....nothing. "Wow!", they both exclaim. "Let's try something else.", says one man to the other. They spot a large rock nearby, and with a struggle, they get the rock to the hole. They roll it in, wait and listen....still nothing. " My goodness! How deep this hole must be!", says one man. " Let's try...

I go in hard but come out soft, and I never mind if you want to blow me. What am I?

Bubblegum.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Man comes running home to his wife

He says "Wife! Wife! I've won the lottery - pack your things!"
Wife says "Oh my god! What should I pack? Summer or Winter clothes?"
Guy says "Don't care - just FUCK OFF!"

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He st...

3 men died and they come to gates of heaven...

St. Peter asks the first one: "How many times did you cheat your wife?"
The man says: " Many times, about 15"
St. Peter gives him keys of an old VW Golf IV and lets him into heaven
He asks the second man the same thing: "How many times did you cheat your wife?"
The second man says: " Onl...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old."

"Oh yeah?" quipped her husband. "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?!"

She laughed, "Your name never came up in the conversation."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

When it comes to sex it's all about quality over quantity.

Which is why I never watch the stuff that isn't HD.

I remember back in the day I use to go to the store with $2 and come back with 2 bags of chips, 3 candy bars, a pack of starbursts, and a soda...

But nowadays they have cameras everywhere

A man goes on vacation and comes back home with stomach pain...

He goes to see a doctor, and after some testing, the doctor informs the man that he has worms in his stomach. The man begs the doctor for a remedy; so the doctor tells him to go to the market and get the sweetest watermelon he can find. After that, the doctor tells the man to go home, remove his clo...

I was trying to come up with a good joke about the drinks at the party

But it was lacking a punch line.

I can’t think of a sperm whale joke right now.

But I guess it’ll come to me

Sometimes someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race and changes your life forever.

We call these people cops.

A worker on the Titanic comes to the captain.

Worker: Sir we have hit an iceberg.

Captain: So?

Worker: I don't think you understand. Just let that sink in.

Mum asks Lucy what she wants for her birthday, Lucy replies I want a Barbie and a G.I Joe, mum says but Barbie comes with Ken.

No says Lucy, she comes with G.I Joe,

she fakes it with Ken.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother a question

"Is it true what Rita just told me?" "What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter. "Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. ...

What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?

A tea bag!

A guy comes running into a bar and shouts

"Barman! Quick! A dozen shots of whiskey!"

The barman pours all 12 shots and the guy slams all of them down in less than a minute.

The barman says "Woah slow down fella. You're gonna be sick drinking that much so fast!"

The guy says "Well, when you have what I have you gotta dri...

So I'm at the nuclear missile facility and my boyfriend texts me "Hey Anna, wanna come over? ;)"

The general asks me for target coordinates for a missile launch so I do a search.

Using satellite imaging, I find the perfect spot and fire straight away.

Me: "General, we've launched a nuclear strike at these coordinates."

He looks at me in extreme confusion.

General: "W...

I cannot believe no ones come up with a cure for anorexia yet.

I thought it would be a piece of cake!

Q: Why did Star Wars episodes 4,5, and 6 come before 1,2, and 3?

A: Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My kid asked me “Dad, where did we come from?”

Well I decided that if he starts asking these questions he’s old enough for the sex talk, So I explained everything to him, Better hear it from me than anybody else, After I was done I asked “So what made you ask this question?”

He said” Well my friend James said his family came here from Ire...

When it comes to the DCU, Mr. Freeze truely was the superhero.

I mean, justice can't be spelt without "Just ice".

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man is standing on the edge of a roof, about to jump. Another one is watching him. A passerby comes and asks the man on the ground "Go and help him, he is going to jump!"

The man on the ground says: "Don't worry. He is a stuntman, this is a trick", so the passerby stays to watch him.

Then comes another passerby. After asking them to stop the jumper, he receives the same reply as the previous passerby and stays to watch. The situation repeats a few times until ...

A guy is crawling through the desert, about to die of thirst and he comes across a magic talking snake...

The snake tells the guy his name is Nate and he'll happily grant him three wishes, so the guy asks for water. Nate slaps his tail on the ground and a gallon of fresh, pure water appears, which the guy proceeds to drink.

"What's your second wish?" Nate asks. The guy thinks for a second and say...

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead come to a raging river.

They meet a wish granting wizard just before it. The brunette goes first, “I wish to be strong enough to swim across.” She grows bug muscles and swims across.
The readhead next, “I wish to be handy enough to build a boat to get a cross.” Her wish is is granted, she cuts down a tree hollows it in...

After a magnitude of research I’ve come to the conclusion that...

Vaccinated kids are more likely to have autism. Why? Because they’re the ones alive.

A panda walks into a bar. Orders a meal and quietly eats it. When the bartender comes with the check, the panda pulls out a shotgun, shoots the bartender, and prepares to leave the bar. The bartender, on his last breath, screams “Why?!”

The panda pulls out a dictionary, points to the entry on pandas, which reads:
Panda (n.) – Eats shoots and leaves.

"Here comes Santa Clause, here comes Santa Claus..." Okay, I get that part...

But why am I supposed to write down "Santa Claus lane"?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Little Johnny comes home from school one day...

and he says to his mother, "I had sex with a teacher today."

His mother is mortified and replies, "I think you had better tell your father and see what he has to say about that!"

So Johnny goes into the other room and says "Dad, I had sex with a teacher today."

"Well good for yo...

People get so heated up about if the milk comes first in tea or cereal

Personally i prefer to put the tea in first, then the milk, then the cereal.

Coffee lovers come in many

But tea lovers come infuse

How come Thanos is so buff and strong?

He's a member of Snap fitness.
Sorry, had to blow the dust off of this joke.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A priest is sitting inside the church, when a guy comes in and asks to be confessed.

“Very well, my child,” says the priest, as he leads the man into the confession booth, “Tell me about your sins.”

“Well, Father,” says the guy, “On Monday, I was at my girlfriend’s house, and, well… the two of us alone, the house empty… I sinned, Father.”

“Don’t worry, child,” says the...

First joke I've ever come up with. So far nobody has laughed

I went to the opticians and they were telling me about revolutionary technology to allow us to see out of different parts such as our arms, nose and even our ass. Intrigued, I asked "when will this technology would be available?" The optician replied "arm and nose is coming in 2019, hindsight is 20...

I've come to the realization that suicide would solve all my problems...

... if I could just get the right people to try it.

It's amazing how far humans have come since the caveman days

when people used to communicate by writing on walls....oh wait, we still do.

Do you know who’s making a come back?

The measles.

A woman comes home late in the night and goes quietly in the bedroom.

To her surprise, she sees male and female feet peeking out from under the blanket. Shocked and raging, she gets her baseball bat and beats and beats until all movement stops. After that she goes into the living room and sees her husband laying on the sofa. He turns to her half asleep: "Oh, you're ho...

A Guy comes home to find his wife.... NSFW

A guy comes home to find his wife nude from the waist down, sliding down the bannister. He asks her what she is doing. She says she's warming up dinner.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them.

But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up ...

What do you call it when lies come out of your ass?

Sham poo

What kind of dessert comes out of a musical volcano?

Bach Lava

Whenever i see a woman driving a bus, i smile to myself and think how far we have come in the whole equality thing compared to just a few short years ago

Then i wait for the next bus.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It has come to light that a lit cigarette burned down Notre Dame

Upon hearing the news the Pope responded:
"Not surprised. Fags have been destroying the church for years"

A woman comes home from work, and her doting husband asks her how work was...

"Are you being sarcastic?"