This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I’m planning a charity event for people who struggle to achieve an orgasm

If you can’t come, let me know

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm having a meeting at my house for people who have trouble reaching orgasm.

Let me know if you can't come.

What's the difference between acne and a catholic priest?

Acne waits till 14 to come on your face.

I went for an interview at IKEA.

The manager greeted me by saying, "Come in, make a seat."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I told a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs...

"Really?" she said, "Go on then...try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she lost patience and demanded "Come on, what day was I born?" “Yesterday." I replied.

Girl: “Come over”

Guy: “Im coming over”

Girl: “We should stop using walkie talkies in bed, over”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more! .

Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I com...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This German shepherd comes and takes a shit on my lawn every day.

Yesterday, he brought his dog along.

New Teslas don't come with a new car smell

They come with an Elon Musk.

Look, No Nut November jokes are pretty lame right now but

in December their time will come

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?

Your salary, it comes once a month, lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come it means you are fucked.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.


That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house a...

"Come forth and I shall grant you eternal life" God said

But John came 5th and won a toaster.

Two Priests are walking down the street when a drunk man comes up to them.

He says to the first Priest "I'm Jesus Christ."

The Priest replies "No son, you're not!"

So he says to the second "I'm Jesus Christ."

He says "No son, you're not."

The drunk says "Look I can prove it."

He takes the two Priests into the bar.

The bartender tak...

Why haven't aliens come to our solar system?

They checked our reviews.

One star.

My mom used to feed me by saying: “Here comes the train!” I always ate everything.

Otherwise she wouldn’t untie me from the tracks.

A cowboy walks into a saloon.

He sits down at the bar and orders a whiskey. He chugs it down and says "TGIF!". A Mexican walks in, shakes his head, and says "SPIT!". A few minutes go by and the cowboy has downed his third whiskey. He stands up and declares, "TGIF!". The Mexican looks at the cowboy with a puzzled look, "SPIT" he ...

What is it called when you die and come back as a hillbilly?

**Reintarnation**

How do you cancel an appointment with a sperm bank?

Tell them you can't come.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why condoms come in packs of 3, 6 and 12!

A man walks into the pharmacy with his 8-year old son.

They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called Condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boy pensiv...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man came home to his wife who had the BDSM equipment out [NSFW]

Wife: "Come and play with me"
Man: "Okay..."

He tied her down, and one of the things the woman was into was using objects that aren't meant for sexual use for her pleasure.

So, the man went into the backyard and got a wooden post from the fence.

He walked back in and slid th...

A mother is cooking dinner when she hears her son come back from school...

"How was you English test today?" She asked

"It was easy except I had trouble on this one difficult question"

"What did it ask?" The mother replied

"It asked for the past tense of think"

"What did you answer it as?" The mother says.

"I couldn't really figure it out...

I was surprised to find that "Trailer Park Barbie" doesn't come with bruising on her body

Then I realized battery not included

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A boy comes home from school and tells his father that his homework is to learn the difference between theory and reality...

The father says ‘son, that’s easy. I’ll give you an example. Go into the kitchen and ask your mother if she would sleep with the plumber for a million dollars’.


After a short while the son comes back from the kitchen and says ‘father, I have spoken with mother and she said she would sleep...

Where do little jokes come from?

Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.

(I made this up myself, I’m really proud of it)

When it comes to what I like most about dad jokes, I will say this:

this

Engineer and Anti-vaxxer come to the bridge

Anti-vaxxer says to the engineer: Is it safe to cross the bridge?

Engineer: It is 99,97% safe to cross that bridge.

Anti-vaxxer: I'd rather swim.

I went to a sperm bank to become a donor.

Apparently they did not want me, they just told me to beat it.

A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, “Something has just come up. I need to go fishing with the boss for the weekend.

We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas? I’ll be home in an hour to pick them up.”

He hurries home, grabs everything, and rushes off. Sunday night, he returns. His wife asks, “Did you have a good trip?”

“Oh yes, great! I think I r...

Little Johny comes in to school one morning wearing a brand new watch...

His best friend, little Tommy, wants to know where the watch is from, so Johnny tells his story: “I was coming from the bathroom to my bedroom when I heard a strange noise from my parent’s bedroom. I walked in and saw them bouncing up and down. Dad said I could have anything I wanted as long as I di...

An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house.

As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:

COLD BEER: $5.00
HAMBURGER: $10.00
CHEESEBURGER: $15.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $18.50
HAND JOB: $250.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money, the old golfer walks ...

I called my boss to say, ‘sorry I can’t come in today, I’m sick.’

He asked, ‘how sick are you?’

I said; ‘well, I’m in bed with my sister’

How come when NASA shows pictures of their black hole, it’s “breaking news”

But when I show pictures of mine it’s an “HR violation”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So this guy with premature ejaculation comes out of nowhere

That’s it... that’s the whole fucking joke.

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle

Because his wife died

I go in hard but come out soft, and I never mind if you want to blow me. What am I?

Bubblegum.

A man comes in a bar everyday for a couple of weeks, orders 2 shots of whiskey and leaves...

One day the barkeeper asked him why he never wants to drink something else? The man replied: „My best friend moved to australia a couple of weeks ago and we both decided to go to a bar everyday and drink 2 shots of whiskey so it‘s like we’re drinking them together.“ The barkeeper was amazed and said...

A man was riding a bus, minding his own business

A man was riding a bus, minding his own business, when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breastfeed her baby..

The baby wouldn’t take it, so she said,
“Come on sweetie, eat it all up or
I’ll have to give it to this nice man next to us.”

Five minutes later, the baby was s...

Parents come for their son to tell him a secret.

Parents: "You are adopted."

Son: "What?? Who are my real parents??"

Parents: "Oh, we are, but your new ones are waiting outside."

"Here comes Santa Clause, here comes Santa Claus..." Okay, I get that part...

But why am I supposed to write down "Santa Claus lane"?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Little Johnny comes home from school one day...

and he says to his mother, "I had sex with a teacher today."

His mother is mortified and replies, "I think you had better tell your father and see what he has to say about that!"

So Johnny goes into the other room and says "Dad, I had sex with a teacher today."

"Well good for yo...

[Long] Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the ground. So large that they can't see the bottom of this hole. "I wonder how deep it is.", the first man says. The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into hole. They wait and listen....

....nothing. "Wow!", they both exclaim. "Let's try something else.", says one man to the other. They spot a large rock nearby, and with a struggle, they get the rock to the hole. They roll it in, wait and listen....still nothing. " My goodness! How deep this hole must be!", says one man. " Let's try...

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He st...

A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the da...

Q: Why did Star Wars episodes 4,5, and 6 come before 1,2, and 3?

A: Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop, hop, hop, when he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed. Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest."

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed. The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run, run, run. Hop, hop, hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep. This sheep is about to shoot up heroin. The ra...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My kid asked me “Dad, where did we come from?”

Well I decided that if he starts asking these questions he’s old enough for the sex talk, So I explained everything to him, Better hear it from me than anybody else, After I was done I asked “So what made you ask this question?”

He said” Well my friend James said his family came here from Ire...

I've come to the realization that suicide would solve all my problems...

... if I could just get the right people to try it.

A guy is crawling through the desert, about to die of thirst and he comes across a magic talking snake...

The snake tells the guy his name is Nate and he'll happily grant him three wishes, so the guy asks for water. Nate slaps his tail on the ground and a gallon of fresh, pure water appears, which the guy proceeds to drink.

"What's your second wish?" Nate asks. The guy thinks for a second and say...

How come Hurricanes are usually named after women?

At first they are wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house, your car, and sometimes your kids

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother a question

"Is it true what Rita just told me?" "What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter. "Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. ...

Whenever i see a woman driving a bus, i smile to myself and think how far we have come in the whole equality thing compared to just a few short years ago

Then i wait for the next bus.

A panda walks into a bar. Orders a meal and quietly eats it. When the bartender comes with the check, the panda pulls out a shotgun, shoots the bartender, and prepares to leave the bar. The bartender, on his last breath, screams “Why?!”

The panda pulls out a dictionary, points to the entry on pandas, which reads:
Panda (n.) – Eats shoots and leaves.

What kind of dessert comes out of a musical volcano?

Bach Lava

A wise old man once told me that great fortune comes from within.

So I sold my kidneys.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A priest is sitting inside the church, when a guy comes in and asks to be confessed.

“Very well, my child,” says the priest, as he leads the man into the confession booth, “Tell me about your sins.”

“Well, Father,” says the guy, “On Monday, I was at my girlfriend’s house, and, well… the two of us alone, the house empty… I sinned, Father.”

“Don’t worry, child,” says the...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them.

But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up ...

What do you do if you come across an elephant

Wipe it off and apologize

First joke I've ever come up with. So far nobody has laughed

I went to the opticians and they were telling me about revolutionary technology to allow us to see out of different parts such as our arms, nose and even our ass. Intrigued, I asked "when will this technology would be available?" The optician replied "arm and nose is coming in 2019, hindsight is 20...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It has come to light that a lit cigarette burned down Notre Dame

Upon hearing the news the Pope responded:
"Not surprised. Fags have been destroying the church for years"

I cannot believe no ones come up with a cure for anorexia yet.

I thought it would be a piece of cake!

A woman comes home late in the night and goes quietly in the bedroom.

To her surprise, she sees male and female feet peeking out from under the blanket. Shocked and raging, she gets her baseball bat and beats and beats until all movement stops. After that she goes into the living room and sees her husband laying on the sofa. He turns to her half asleep: "Oh, you're ho...

Ma comes marching into the kitchen and hollers, "Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!"

Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."

Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."

Pa moseys out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse!"

Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"

P...

When you go into the restroom you are Russian. When you come out of the restroom you are Finnish. So what are you inside the restroom?

European.

A lady was expecting the plumber. He was scheduled to come at 10 A.M. Ten o’clock came and went with no plumber.

She concluded he wasn’t coming, and went out to do some errands. While she was out, the plumber arrived. He knocked on the door; the lady’s parrot, who was at home in a cage by the door, said, “Who is it?”

​

He replied, “It’s the plumber.”

​

He thoug...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A recent study shows that masturbation is twice as effective as sex when it comes to stress relief.

One in hand is worth two in the bush.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back after you throw it?

A stick

A man is on a flight at cruising altitude when a female flight attendant comes by with a cart. She looks at him, smiles, and asks, “Would you like some headphones?”

The man responds, “Yes, but how did you know my name was Phones?”

The receptionist got a bit shocked when a nun comes running out at full speed, with an expression that could only be described as pure horror.

Receptionist: What in gods name happened to her? The receptionist asked the doctor.

Doctor: Well, I told her she was pregnant.

Receptionist: Pregnant? A nun? Was she really?

Doctor: Of course not, but atleast I managed to cure her hiccups...

Tyrone' s 1st day in the first grade he comes home crying

When his mother ask why he replays.
"The teacher told us to say our abc' s and all the little white boys could say them and I could only get to e why is that."

Mom says "cause u black and they white."

Next day Tyrone is crying again .

"What's wrong today Tyrone" his mothe...

What comes after 15 sodium atoms?

Batman

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A polar bear cub comes home from school one day and says to his mother...

“Mom, are you sure I'm a purebred polar bear? I'm not part grizzly bear or anything?"

She says, "Of course you're 100% polar bear. I'm a polar bear, your dad's a polar bear, you're a polar bear."

The next day after school, he asks his father. "Dad, am I a purebred polar bear? Are you s...

What does the Australian army soldier say when the American army leader says, “did you come here to die!”

He said, “Nah mate, came ere yesterdie”

Come and get me. I am only 16 year old and barely legal.

Sadly I am a car.

Yesterday my teacher asked me what comes after 69

Apparently mouthwash isnt the answer

When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings

you know she's a keeper.

What goes up must come down. But what doesn’t?

Gas prices

I can’t think of a sperm whale joke right now.

But I guess it’ll come to me

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man comes across 10 naked black men

They are all completely black from head to toes except for one of them who has a pink penis.

“Why are you black gentlemen completely naked?” he asks.

“We’re not black, we are mine workers. We are covered with soot. We are naked because it’s very hot down the shaft so it’s easier to wor...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Want to come over and watch porn...

... on my flat screen mirror?

A child comes to a carnival on the night before his 14th birthday.

They go to the "I bet I can guess your age" booth. The man says, "13 years old."

"Aw, man. You got me." said the kid.

"Nice try.", the man said. "Come back next year."

"I will!" the kid said in response.

A few hours later, he comes back to the stand.

"I've seen you...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A couple moves in together and brings their pets. The man says “before you moved in, my cat used to throw up and shit everywhere, now when I come home the floors are spotless.”

The woman responded “yeah it’s weird, my dog used to whine because he was hungry all the time but not since we moved in.”

A man comes home drunk...

As he stumbles in trying to be quiet as possible not to wake up the wife...he's too drunk and knocks over a stool startling wife from sleep...

Wife, from bedroom: Bob, is that you? what was that ?

Bob: Oh nothing honey, just a stool. Be right there...

As he stumbles into the bed...

I'm awful when it comes to Jenga.

The odds are just always stacked against me.

Mrs. Jones, can Tommy come out and play?

Now Billy you know Tommy doesn’t have arm or legs.

I know. We want to use him as second base.

How do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter, it's not going to come.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

In the spirit of Easter I’ve come up with the perfect idea for a date

Go for our last supper of the week on Thursday, nail each other all day Friday so that we can’t walk on Saturday until we rise again on Sunday

If a mole working within the FBI were to come up with a joke what kind would it be?

An inside joke.

Didn't come up with this one but I love it

So I was living with my abusive aunt and uncle on their ranch. They would get mad easily and beat me for almost nothing and they often try to catch me doing things I'm not supposed to. One day my uncle came home with a new donkey named Dirty. He was really expensive and my aunt hated him but she cou...

A boy came to his mother and asked her "Mom, where did I come from?"

The woman explained intercourse, insemination, conception, pregnancy and birth to her son in easy-to-understand terms. However, he still was puzzled, so she asked him "Do you understand what I said?"

The boy replied "Yes, I do, but what I want to know is where I came from. Jimmy in my class s...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A boy comes home after school one day.

His mother notices that he’s got a big smile on his face.
She asks, “Did anything special happen at school today?”
“Yes, Mom. I had sex with my English teacher!”
The mother is stunned. “You’re going to talk about this with your father when he gets home.”


Well, when dad comes home...

A man comes home one night to find his blonde wife reading his personal journal.

“I can explain everything,” he begins. She interrupts him midsentence and exclaims, “You’re darn right you’ve got some explaining to do, and you can start with telling me who April, May, and June are!”

A woman comes to a gynecologist for a checkup.

She seems to be very embarrassed and uncomfortable.

"Haven't you been examined like this before?" asks the doctor.

"Many times," she giggles, "but never by doctor."

A professor told his class "Fame will come to you only after you succeed". A blonde girl asks

Who is seed?

A man asks a bartender, what time do you close? My girlfriend's trying to come...

Bartender: Aren't they all?

A man is sitting at a bar during a costume party when a friend comes up to him and says,

“You were supposed to dress up like something that symbolized your love life.”

​

“I am,” the man says.

​

“You look like Abe Lincoln,” the friend responds.

​

“Yup,” he replies, taking a sip of beer. “My last four scores were s...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

On my first day in prison, my cellmate said to me, "If you ever come close to me, I'll fucking skin you alive. When we're sleeping, you don't fucking touch me. You hear me? Don't ever talk to me, either." I thought, "Fucking great."

"First day in here and I'm already married."

Why are octopi easily duped when it comes to eating seafood?

They’re suckers for sushi

How come nobody at the kings table laughed when he farted?

Because noble gases don't cause reactions.

How does one get their wife to come back to them?

Play country music backwards.

Why is it easy to come up with nicknames for a tree?

Because they stick.

I came up with this one, I hope it's good cause it's my only achievement in life.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Isn't it strange when you're thinking about someone and then they come out of no-where?

Anyway, my dad just walked in on me masturbating.

Here comes the bride.

There once was a woman who married a rich banker. She was married for several years and then her husband died. After a period of mourning she became married again, this time to an actor. Her actor husband became ill and died. Again after mourning she married and presently she is married to a Pastor...

Sir Lancelot comes into a hotel...

... and makes a reservation for one night.

How come more people don't understand that: If you think everyone else is being an idiot, it's actually probably you.

They're all idiots.

I predict, in years to come there’ll be a nuclear war in the Middle East, which’ll leave only one country and the Persian Gulf .

Just Kuwait and sea.

When it comes to Hitler, history hasn't been very kind to him. But people seem to forget that he.....

.....did kill Hitler

A sailor comes back one morning after a long time at sea

His best buddy died on the ship, so he goes announcing the news, first thing, to his widow. One thing led to another and they are starting to undress, but she suddenly stares at him and stops, asking:

-Why are you only half mast?

-It’s mourning wood

I come from a family of failed magicians..

I've got two half sisters.

I went to a wedding and they played "The Twist" so I did the Twist, then they played "Macerena" so I did the " Macerena then they played "Come On Eileen"

So I was told to leave

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old couple comes into a Ford dealership looking at getting a new truck

Salesman walks them around to a brand new single cab pickup, after all its just the two of them, they won’t need much space.

They hate driving in the big city, so the salesman’s driving, old man rivers in the middle and his wife on the right.

They ride around for a bit and the salesma...

Today, I tested 10 people to come up with a pun and see if they could make me laugh

No pun in ten did

When it's rainy, Donald doesn't want to come

But when it's Stormy...

A sick man comes to a doctor. After an inspection, the doctor says "I have very bad news for you."

The man asks "What is so wrong?"

The doctor answers: "I missed all the lectures about your illness back in med school."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What does a chemist say when he comes out of the closet for being bisexual?

Iodine, Americium, Bismuth.

Why are sheep biased when it comes to car sales?

They only buy and sell Ram

A housewife comes running from the kitchen and grabs her husband

"We have to make love right this moment," she declares, pulling his clothes off.

Not one to waste an opportunity, the man stands at attention and gets to work.

After the deed is done, the man says, "That was pretty good. But why all of a sudden?."

"Oh," the wife replies, "my egg...

Every time I toss five coins, they would come up on the same face.

Must be a coin-cidence.

Two cannibals come across a dead body,

and they don't have a big enough knife to cut the body so they make a deal one starts at the head and the other starts at the foot.

They are eating a little while and the one at the head asks the other one how it is going and he answers, "I'm having a ball."

The first guy says, "You ...

A man comes into his new job on his first day.

When he got there, his boss called a meeting. "This is Cadassi. I hope you will make him feel welcome." His co-worker then asks, "Where are you from?" He replies, I am from 13.4443° N, 144.7937°E, or as you know it, Guam. Another co-worker leans over to the first and whispers, "That was very S.Pacif...

Guy comes home from the bar with a duck under his arm

His wife asks "Where the hell have you been?" and the guy says "This is the pig I've been screwin'" Wife says "That's not a pig you drunk!", guy says "I wasn't talking to you"

Two drunk guys out drinking come down to their last $5

One of the Drunk guys wants to use the $5 to get more drinks, the other drunk guy wants to use the $5 for food because he’s starving. The guy who wanted more drinks had a great idea.. He said to his drunk friend, “How bout we take the five dollars and we’ll go buy a hot dog, then we’ll go to a bar ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One weekend, a husband is in the bathroom shaving when the local kid Bubba he hired to mow his lawn, comes in to pee.

The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is. "Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!" The ...

The punch line comes first

I have an idea for a time travel joke where

A guy goes to a fancy dress party and one of the guests says to him “what have you come as, and why is your wife on your back?”

He replies “I’m a tortoise and that’s Michelle”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old man comes home with his new Viagra pills…

He walks in the door and says “Honey, are you up for some super sex?”

She replies “I’ll take the soup.”

I invented a new golf ball that will automatically go into the hole if it comes within 4 inches.

Note to self: Don't carry them in your back pocket.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why does May come after April?

Because that's when Parliament is *really* gonna fuck her.

8-year old Billy comes home from school with a note from his teacher.

It says, "Billy stole a pencil from the student next to him." Billy's father is furious. He goes to great lengths to lecture Billy and let him know how upset and disappointed he is, and he grounds the boy for two weeks.

Finally, he concludes, "Anyway, Billy, if you needed a pencil, why didn't...

My girlfriend said “come over, nobody’s home”

Nobody was home

What do you call a man who comes through your letter box ?

Bill.

Where do baby Pokemon come from?

Pokeballs