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Flush It Jokes

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A police officer stopped me and searched my pockets. Found a bag of weed. "What have we here?" "It's not mine officer." He scoffs.

"I'm serious! I was cursed by a leprechaun, you know what scallywags they are. Now, every single time I flush this chronic down the toilet it magically reappears in my pocket."
"Bullshit."
"Try me!"
He frowns, but follows me as we head to the bathroom in this cafe. I take out the cannabis a...

A man with drugs was caught by the cops in the bathroom

The man says, "I swear, it's not mine! I found it here and tried to flush it down the toilet, but every time I flush the drugs down it magically reappears in my hand!"

"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Show me."

The man tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The ...

Why does Karl Marx's toilet play music every time you flush it?

Because of the violins inherent in the cistern.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I Think My Toilet Has Anger Issues

Whenever I flush it, it completely loses its shit.

I always used to lick the bowl clean.

Until my parents told me to flush it like everyone else.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Toilet humor I know you haven't heard before.

So, I can guarantee this isn't a repost because it just happened to me. But I guess to put it in joke form I'll just tell it like this:

So this man decides to buy a bidet for his toilet. He gets it installed, and over time (with a couple surprises) he gets pretty comfortable using the control...

A cop gets called out to a bar on suspicion of a man selling drugs in the bathroom

Upon arrival, the cop finds a man with a bag of cocaine in his hand about to flush it down the toilet. The cop stops him and asks him, “is this bag yours?”

The man replies “I’m sorry officer I swear someone handed me these and ran. I kept trying to flush them down the toilet but they keep app...

My wife gets mad when I lick the bowl

"Knock it off! The kids are watching you for God's sake...

... Just flush it like a normal person!"

New bathroom

I was shopping for a new bathroom this week, and was shown an amazing toilet that plays ABBA songs when you flush it.

What a loo.

A kid walks out of the bathroom.

He sees his mom mixing up some cake batter. The kid says " hey mom, can I lick the bowl ? " The mom says "No !! . Flush it like everyone else."

A boy walks out of the toliet and into the kitchen where his mum was baking a cake

He asked "can I lick the bowl mummy?" And the mother replied "no flush it like anyone else"

I always used to ask my mom if I could lick the bowl...

... She'd always say "No! Just flush it like a normal person!"

A man is busted for pot

So one day, a man is pulled over in what seems like a routine stop. When the officer gets to the car, he smells marijuana and the following exchange happens.
Officer: "do you have any pot on you?"
Man : "yes officer, but it's not my fault. I can't get rid of it."
Officer : "what do you mea...

A salesman is assigned a new route that takes him to Texas for the first time...

After finishing his first sales meeting in Texas, It was getting late so he checked into a hotel and went to its restaurant for dinner. He ordered a small beer. The waitress brought him a huge mug.

“Waitress” he said, “I ordered a small beer.” She said, “ This is Texas. In Texas that’s a sma...

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