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The Supreme Court has been making some rash decisions lately…

One could almost say they’ve been acting Ruth-lessly.

Making babies

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said,
'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-t...

What turns making fun of a ginger into a hate crime?

Dyslexia

Disney isn’t making a second season of Obi-Wan Kenobi

Because there Kenobi-Wan.

I think we should stop making jokes about fat people

They obviously have enough on their plate already

A woman takes her car to a mechanic and says "my car is making a horrible noise"

The mechanic replied, "have you tried removing that Imagine Dragons CD?"

Three guys making a movie

Christopher Nolan: I'll produce

Leonardo Dicaprio: I'll act

Matthew McConaughey: I'll write I'll write I'll write

Yesterday I saw two teenagers making out in the park, reminds me of my teenage days….

reminds me of my teenage days when I used to see other teenagers make out in the park

I was seeing this girl and we were making out on her sofa, she said I think we should take this upstairs.......

I said ok you get that end, I'll get this end and we'll come back downstairs for the cushions.

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"Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin"

"Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop"

My wife left me because I kept making jokes about her going bald.

Well that’s hair loss

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A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband...

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I sa...

My wife said I should stop making stupid puns and take her abortion more seriously.



I won't let this d-fetus.

A Redditor became a chemist and decided to seek his fortune making breath mints.

He made one set of mints that were saturated in caffeine. It made him a significant amount of money but people complained about being a little too agitated by them.

He followed up with a heavily alcoholic variety, which was very well received and made him millions, but which had the unfortuna...

Netflix has been making some questionable decisions on its content

Then again, I've seen Stranger Things

my wife told me to stop making animal metaphors because it makes me a bad person

she should get off her high horse!

Why did Nintendo start making farm equipment?

Because now they're playing with plowers.

I can't believe there's so many conspiracy theories in the world. This is really not the time to be making up so many.

Not now while Trump is still sitting president.

saw a comedian in Russia making fun of Putin

The jokes weren't great, but I liked the execution

My favorite memory from childhood is making sandcastles with my grandfather...

...until my mother took the urn away.

A couple who were making wedding preparations die in a traffic accident.

When they arrive at heaven, the man finds an angel and explains the situation, asking if they could arrange a wedding in heaven or not.

-Let me have a look, the angel says.

After a few months, it comes back to the couple and tells them:

-Everything's set, you guys can marry.
...

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I once made the mistake of making fun of a Florida man's wife; he walked up, slapped me in the face, and said...

KEEP MY COUSIN'S NAME OUT YO FUCKIN MOUTH!

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Making pizza is a lot like having sex...

If you’re going to use barbecue sauce, you better know what you’re doing.

The breast implant recall is making some women upset.

But I think they are making a mole hill out of a mountain.

Making Babies

A couple went to the hospital for their baby delivery. The wife was very sickly and fragile. The deliver had to be a Caesarean section. The husband was pacing the hallways while the wife was in surgery. The nurse finally came out of the delivery room with a little package wrapped in a blue blank...

Elon Musk has been making bad decisions since getting his hairplugs

He needs toupee

My boyfriend asked me to stop making jokes about killing myself

"Don't worry", I said, "I won't be doing it for much longer."

As an American, I am deeply offended whenever I hear non-Americans call America a nation of fat idiots . . .

. . . then I remember that we had a national panic when they quit making Twinkies.

My son was making dinner in the kitchen so I said to him, "That’s a nice ham you’ve got there!"

"It’d be a shame if someone put an ‘s’ at the front, and an ‘e’ at the end!"

Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town...

After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel. The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager: 'Go upto the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the differ...

My friend made a mistake the other day and said "Making mistakes is how we learn in life"

I replied "Your mom must've learned a lot then!"

Stallone: I’m making a movie about composers. I’m playing Vivaldi.

VanDamme: I’ll be Mozart.

Schwarzenegger: Stop it guys I’m not saying it.

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(NSFW) My wife keeps making jokes about squirting orgasms

At first I didn't get it, but then it hit me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats good on pizza but not on pussy?

crust.





edit: yall keep making better jokes in the comments LMAO

possible answers : red sauce, white sauce, yeast, cheese, senior discount (wtf), crabs, hot sauce, mushrooms. damn yall are just funnier than me lol

How do you call making fun of Jada Smith in front of Will?

A bald move.

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I just saw a clip of some Ukrainians making Molotov cocktails using empty bottles of Jager. They’re making…

….JAGER BOMBS!!

i'm making a sitcom about a group of deaf friends who live together in new york

it's called signfeld

An old man was roaming the desert when he reached a village...

Last year on my first cake day, I shared one of my grandmother's long jokes. I think of making it a tradition, so here's another:

An old man was walking in the Sahara desert with his donkey when he reached a village. The people welcomed him with everything they could, offering him hospitality...

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A middle-aged guy and his date are making out hot and heavy

A middle-aged guy and his date are making out hot and heavy in the movies when his toupee slides off.
As he's groping around for it, his hand goes between her legs, up under her skirt, and lands on her tw*t.
She says, “That's it! That's it!"
He says, "It can't be. I part mine on the side....

Just want to give a shoutout to my church for finally getting through to me and making me a firm believer.

In atheism.

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Just a friendly reminder to show respect to Ramadan

Yes, yes. I know we all like to have a good laugh about certain things. But Ramadan is a very important and sacred time for Muslims. And as a non-Muslim, I have since learned that we need treat it with some respect.

See, my next door neighbour is a Muslim. Ever since the start of Ramadan, I h...

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