This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just can't ever see myself putting anything up my own butt

So I got a mirror.

I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.

She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde is putting together a puzzle.

She calls her boyfriend at work and tells him that she needs him to come home to help her.

He keeps telling her that he can’t leave work right now, but she’s very insistent.

“Well, what’s the picture on the box?” He asks.

“It’s a tiger.” She says.

“Then just try to make a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired for putting my dick in the pickle slicer...

They fired her too

How do you stop a kidnapper from putting you in the back of a van?

Just call shotgun, now you've got the window seat.

Did I tell you I am putting together an expedition to capture the legendary Sasquatch?

If we're successful, it'll be no small feat.

Heard that the government is putting chips in people

I call dibs on Cheddar and Sour Cream

Two guys in a health club, one is putting on lace panties.

"Since when do you wear womens pants?"

"Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!"

Two policemen are walking through a park and see how a young man is putting an apple core in a plastic bag.

Then he takes another apple, eats it and puts the core in the bag again.

So they approach him: "Excuse me, why do you return the apple cores back in the plastic bag when there's a garbage bin next to you?"

He says: "When I get home, I'll take the apple seeds out of them and eat them. I...

A mom takes her daughter to the doctor

The doctor says, “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”


The mother says, “It’s my daughter Suzie. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings.”


The doctor gives Suzie a good examination, and then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I don’...

I was putting the batteries in my mouse

Until the owner of the pet store kicked me out

I used to think that putting ketchup on my glasses was a great way to clean them.

But in Heinz sight, I don't think that was such a good idea.

I tried to impress a woman by putting my foot on the pedal..

Turns out, she’d seen a bin open like that before.

I've been fired from work for putting in too many shifts

Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think

Common English Mistakes

Common English Mistakes

-mixing up there, their, and they're

-using the wrong too, to, or two

-putting commas in the wrong place

-enslaving innocent people and stealing their riches

-using apostrophes for plurals

A guy got mad at me for putting a tiny hole in his suit.

Those astronauts are an angry bunch.

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After having their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough,...

...as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly al...

In a Bar a hostess was putting up a show..She kept taking of layers of her clothes, Whenever she removed a layer, people clapped like mad. In the end, she removed the last layer, But nobody clapped..

...Because nobody can clap with 1 hand

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