The 118+ Best Fail Jokes

We should've known communism would fail.

There were a lot of red flags.

What did Chuck Norris do when his parachute failed to open?

Brought it back for a refund.

I signed up for Binary 101, but failed it miserably.

I had no idea it was a Level 5 course.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The best joke I’ve ever heard which never fails to make me smile whenever I remember it.(NSFW)

Three explorers get lost in a huge jungle. After wandering around for days, they are found and captured by a jungle tribe. The tribesmen take the explorers to their leader and drop them at his feet. The chieftain looks at them for a moment and says, “ The three of you will die unless you manage to d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy has a tapeworm in his intestine and tries many doctors but everybody fails to remove.Finally he tries an alternative doctor whom everybody recommended heavily and visits him.

The doctor says: Come back tomorrow with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The patient is confused but does as he’s told.

The next day he shows up with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The doctor proceeds to insert both bananas and the Snickers bar up the man’s ass.

The doctor then says ...

Pope Francis, Donald Trump, Joe Biden, and a little boy are crossing the Atlantic on an airplane when the engines fail.

They find three parachutes.

Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps out of the plane saying, “The world needs a great person like me!”

Joe Biden grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world”, so he jumps off the plane.

At this point, the Po...

An engineer who was unemployed for a long time decided to open a medical clinic. He puts a sign outside the clinic: "A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; we'll pay you $1,000 if we fail."

A Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.

Doctor: "I have lost my sense of taste."

Engineer: "Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

Doctor: "This is Gasoline!"

Engineer: "Congratulatio...

My professor told me that I’m failing my ethics class

So I slid 20 dollars across the table and said _what about now...?_

If I got 50¢ for every math test I've failed

I would have $7.20 by now

I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting between two identical twins.

It was impossible to differentiate between them.

It’s very rare that a defibrillator fails.

But when it happens no one is shocked.

If I had 50c every time I failed a maths test...

I'd have $6.30 right now

Bill Gates: "Why don't you tell me why Bing failed"

Bill gates: So why don't you tell me why Bing failed.

Board: We feel there was a public nescience towards Bing.

Bill gates: Nescience? Let me Goog- Oh I see what you mean.

The soviet union was doomed to fail

The red flags were everywhere.

A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.

His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded

"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant busi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rural farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady.

He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing do...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just failed a fire safety course when they asked what steps I would take in case of an explosion.

Apparently “Fucking large ones” wasn’t an acceptable answer.

A Frenchman, an Englishman, a Russian, and a Ukrainian are on a a plan when the plane's engines fail and it starts to go down.

The pilot grabs one of the parachutes and jumps from the plane. The remaining passengers see that there is only one chute left, and quickly do the math.

The Englishman stands up, straightens his tie, says "God save the Queen!" and jumps from the plane.

The Frenchman, not wanting to b...

A failed rapper, a failed rock star, and a mediocre country singer walk into a bar

He tells the bartender "anything but Budweiser."

Why did Jeffrey Epstein's English teacher fail him?

Because he never finished his sentences...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do I ever fail to satisfy my girlfriend sexually?

A small part of me says yes.

My atheist friend failed algebra class because he couldn’t calculate exponents

He doesn’t believe in a higher power.

I failed my math exam because I couldn’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 as Roman numerals

IM LIVID

I failed my photography exam.

I just couldn't focus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a failed golfer and a failed parachutist?

One goes *whack, fuck*; the other goes *fuck, whack*.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Failed my biology test today...

They asked, "What is commonly found in cells?" Apparently "black people" wasn't the correct answer.

What did Vizzini say to his wife after failing to have children?

INCONCEIVABLE

A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.

First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.

I think I'm failing my marine biology class

My grade is below C level.

TIL Steve Irwin had a failed "Crocodile Hunter" sunscreen brand.

Apparently it didn't protect you from harmful rays

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Professor: April, you are failing my class.

April: Oh, Professor. My parents will be so mad. I’m sure we can fix this. I’ll do annnything to pass.

Professor: {gulp} anything?

April: YES! Anything you can dream up.

Professor: Will you…… study?

Failed Pick-Up Lines:

Damn girl, are you a toaster?

Because a bath with you would send me to heaven..

What kind of shoes commonly fail drug tests?

High heels

I failed my final exam on Greek mythology.

It's always been my Achilles elbow

McDonald's tried to create a beef version of the McRib, but failed.

Hopefully, they learned from their McSteaks.

Why did Dracula always fail job interviews?

He could never answer, "Where do you see yourself in five years?"

Why did my parents fail math class?

Because instead of dividing, they separated

President Trump attempts suicide, fails because of broken rope.

Fake noose.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Spiritual Magic Fail

Jesus and Moses are hanging out at a lake when Moses asks Jesus, "When was the last time you've used your powers, feels like it's been ages!"

Jesus replies, "It's definitely been awhile but let's test them out!"

Moses stands up, rubs his hands together and points them at the lake and s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I am hosting a charity event for people who fail to reach climax during sex

If you can't come, let me know

I failed my chemistry lab exam.

I was in the middle of performing a chemical reaction but I got sued by the Fine Bros.

Obama, Oprah, Trump and a little girl are on a plane. The engines fail...

... the pilots have already parachuted out the plane. The four mentioned are the only ones remaining on the plane. But there are only three parachutes.

Oprah quickly steps forward and says to the little girl; "I'm taking a parachute. I'll build a school for girls in your honour, it'll benefi...

I knew I was going to fail my maths test when I entered the classroom

So I did a 360 and left.

My Bakery kickstarter failed.

I just couldn't raise the dough.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two young engineers failed their thermodynamics class

Since it's their last exam before graduation, they beg their professor for a second chance. The professor agrees and set a special oral examination for the following week.

When they get there the professor asks them to enter the classroom for the test one at a time. The first enters and the t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young university student is failing her history class

So she decides to see if she can, shall we say, convince her professor to give her a passing grade. She does her hair and makeup, puts on a skimpy dress and heels, and goes to his office.

"Professor," she says, "I'm afraid that I might fail your class."

"That's true," he says, barely ...

What did the failed assassin say to the other?

«Do you wanna have a stab at it?»

Why did Count Dracula fail art class?

He could only draw blood.

The FBI never fails...

The phone rings at the FBI headquarters:

\- “Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!”

\- “Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor’s house.

They search the shed where t...

What do you call it when a russians wifi fails?

Internyet

Thanksgiving An old couple had been married for 50 years. Every morning (without fail) the man produced a massive fart when he got out of bed and then laughed like a madman.

Also every morning, his wife would admonish him: "One of these days you're going to fart your guts out."

It's Thanksgiving morning. The old man is sleeping in and the old lady is in the initial steps of preparing the turkey. While she has a handful of turkey innards, she gets an idea:

...

An Brit, a Frenchman, a Mexican, and a Texan are in a flight when one of the plane's engines fails.

The crew throw all the luggage on the plane off to lighten the load, but they are still too heavy. The pilot goes on the intercom and says that 3 people need to jump off the plane to save everyone else. The Brit stands up and says, "God save the king!" before jumping to his death. Next, the Frenchma...

What do you call a failed abortion?

Survival of the fetus

Why did the bee fail to get the job at a honey factory?

His application was nothing but buzz words

If you're ever skydiving and your parachute fails to open don't panic

You will have the rest of your life to try and fix it

I started carrying a knife after a failed mugging attempt last year...

All my attempts have been pretty successful this year.

I tried to beat up the composer, but failed. Apparently I wasn’t…

…Rachmaninov.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An attractive blonde was failing math class...

She approached the professor, distraught, and asked if she could speak with him.

He, of course, was eager to assist.

She then sat down, and started to explain ...

'Professor, when I was 8, my appendix burst and they had to take it out.

I then wrecked my bike and they had...

Our friend Les is really upset because he failed his French Lit exam.

The result made Les Miserable.

Why did the lifeguard fail to rescue the hippie drowning in the ocean?

Because he was too far out, man.

After attempting to climb Everest and failing, John has severe frostbite, hypothermia and goes into a coma.

After a lengthy and dangerous mountaintop rescue he's rushed to the nearest hospital, where after several days he finally wakes and is greeted by the Nepalese doctor.

Sir, I have bad news and good news. John, ever the optimist asks for the good news first.

Okay, the good news is the ...

I failed Calculus when we reached differentials...

I guess I should have known my limits. I could barely derive anything from what the teacher taught us.

Why did Chewbacca fail his driving test?

He made a few Wookiee errors.

Why did the Mexican fail his writing class?

Because he refused to turn in his essay!

What's an absolutely fail-proof way to make a Redditor curious?

[removed]

“If you would like a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve our quality of life…

…please press 3.”

Why did Anakin fail to answer the trivia question?

He was stumped.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was driving down I-35 last Tuesday, not really paying attention, and I failed to notice that traffic had stopped. I slammed the brakes, but it was too late and I rear ended the vehicle in front of me.

A young woman stepped out of the car , scowled at me , and yelled "Well, ram me in the ass as hard as you can, why don't you?"

Later, I told the judge that this was the precise moment that the miscommunication began.

Why did the pirate fail his Physics class?

He constantly tried to walk the Planck.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the hot dog vendor fail sex-ed?

He didn't know what condiment.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I failed my driving test today. I was driving down a country road with the examiner, when a rabbit ran out right in front of the car.

I remembered my instructor said you should never swerve or try to avoid an animal, because it's dangerous and you can end up causing a more serious accident.You should always just hit it and keep on driving.

Had to chase that little bugger for miles across the fields before I finally got it!

They Told Me I Failed The Drug Test

I told them I just ate a poppy seed bagel.

They asked about the marijuana and cocaine.

I told them it was an everything bagel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If a man fails to blow up a building, but gives good sex advice, what will people say about him?

This Guy Fawkes.

Heard Jesus failed NNN…

People keep on saying that he’s coming.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kid failing English

A kid is failing English, and the teacher sends multiple notes home requesting to speak with his parents but doesn't get a response. One Saturday, the teacher decides to stop by the kid's house. When she knocks on the door, the kid answers.

Teacher: "Hi, Johnny, can I speak to your mother?"...

Did you hear about the failed attack on Castle Hysterectomy?

It was impregnable

Why did the teenager fail their philosophy class?

Because they just, like, Kant understand.

Guys, if your marriage fails don't just blame her. It takes 2 people to make a toxic relationship.

Blame her and her mother.

2 scientists walk into a bar, the first one says “I’ll have H2O” the second one says “I’ll have water also” the first scientist walks off, furious that is assassination attempt had failed.

You have to be moderately smart to understand it...

Why wasn’t the number 3 allowed back into school after failing his Spanish test?

Because there’s No Trespassing!!

I’ll show myself out

Why did Anakin Skywalker fail as a lawyer?

His arguments didn't have a leg to stand on.

What happens when a computer engineer fails flirting with a waitress?

Error in connecting to the server

I come from a family of failed magicians

I have 2 half sisters

Catholics fail trigonometry because they're afraid of sin

Irish people fail trigonometry because they can't tan.

Everyone else fails trigonometry just cos.

Everyone knows Harry Potter graduated from Hogwarts, but not many people know that Harry Styles failed to do so.

He was expelled after starting wand erection.

Little Johny failed fourth grade so badly that the school put him in third grade

He failed third grade even worse that they had to put him in second grade.

Upon hearing the news that he failed second grade even more spectacularly and had to be demoted to first grade, his dad whispered to Johny's mom:

Tighten your underwear, he is coming back !!

i came up with this one and i think its a little silly. what do you call it when a missile fails to reach it’s destination?

projectile dysfunction

10 out of 11 medical students failed in their medical exams.

In the end, 9 of them recommended the same thing..

Colgate

My IT friend tried to flirt with a waitress and failed miserably

I guess it wasn’t the first time he couldn’t connect to the server

What do you get when a veterinarian fails to heal your sick cow?

Uncured Meat.

A woman has a failing marriage, and she feels bad about it.

Her husband won't listen to her or acknowledge her, or anything. All he does is sit on the couch watching football and waiting for meals. The woman decides to go to the pet store to find a pet.

At the store, she sees all sorts of animals, such as fish, dogs, cats, parrots, and even a horse. S...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Hitler fail as an artist?

He refused to mix colors.

Why do all german exchange students fail math?

Because nobody wants to see their final solution.

I remember staring down at the dead patient, and realising that I had failed my job as a doctor.

I was so scarred by that day that I've never examined a man's prostate since.

A father, finally exasperated looking at his son's failed test scores, shouted: " Son, if you fail your exams one more time today, don't you EVER call me your father again!!"

"Yes, father.", the son replied meekly.

After the exams, the son came home.

"How were the exams, son? Do you think you managed to pass this time?"

"NO PROBLEMO, DUDE!"

There’s one test I will never fail

A blood test I always get an A+

Why did the Mallard fail as a comic?

His humor was too fowl.

What gets four As and a B but still fails in schooling?

ALABAMA

If something doesn't exist, it isn't. if someone fails to do something, they didn't. if liquor isnt the solution to anything, what does that make it?

A solven't.

What do you call it when you fail to break your addiction to mid-day rests?

Re-naps

Doctor: I'm terribly sorry, but your kidneys are failing.

Me: I can't believe this is happening.

Wife (sobbing): How will we tell our son?

Me: ... I'll tell him.

[Later at home, sitting down with son]

Me: Bad news kid, your knees are failing.

A Jewish boy was failing math.

His mother had tried everything. Special classes, private tutors and even a summer at a math camp. Nothing worked. Desperate, she decided to send her son to a Catholic school one of her friends had recommended.

The boy came home the first day, slammed his coat on the table, ran to his room a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just failed etymology AND entomology class.

I'd tell you how much that bugs me, but I can't find the word for it.

Why did the restaurant on the moon fail?

The food was decent but it had no atmosphere.

A guys parachute fails to open.

While he is still falling and awaiting his death, he looks down and sees another person coming from down there right in his direction.

As they both meet, the man says: "Hey, can you repair my parachute?" The other answers: "No sorry, I usually only repair gas leaks.."

Why do rednecks fail calculus?

Because they are really bad at integrating.

What do you say when hydroelectric power fails?

"Dam, I guess that didn't work!"

Freddie Mercury went to school to be a pilot, but he failed the license test.

He flew, a little high, a little low and any way the wind blows…

Teacher to student: I'm sorry Steve but i have to fail you on your french, you are just terrible...

Teacher:what do you have to say for yourself?

Student : Gracias

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I fail all my dates!

I was out with this girl right? We spent the night in a bar talking and it was pretty cool. Then the waiter came with the bill. She saw it, she made a move to pay and she goes like ''what do I owe?''. Well I looked at ther and I go ''Pretty girls never pay!'', she looks at me and she smiles, then I ...

What do you call a failed gathering of crows?

Attempted murder

Why does the communist economy always fail?

Because they cease the means of production.

Science teacher fail.

Little Johnny is on a field trip with his science class; they're in the woods.
Johnny spies a snake. He asks "Hey teacher, is this snake poisonous"?
The teacher responds "No, that snake is not poisonous".

Johnny catches the snake. He proudly shows it off to his classmates. The snake tur...

Why did the wither skeleton fail his test?

Because his answers were netherrite.

Why do January 6 deniers never last very long in Dungeons & Dragons campaigns?

They always fail their Constitution checks.

Did you hear the one about Schroedingers failed early experiments with ice boxes?

He titled his paper “Ice Ice Maybe”.

What happens when you fail at No Nut November?

Nuttin'.

I don't want to fail my hernia exam ....

But my test tickles.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.