After having failed his exam in Logic, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my grade as is and go. If you howev...

What do you call a failed abortion?

Survival of the fetus

I just found out that I failed my Binary 101 exam.

I had no idea it was a Level 5 course.

2 scientists walk into a bar, the first one says “I’ll have H2O” the second one says “I’ll have water also” the first scientist walks off, furious that is assassination attempt had failed.

You have to be moderately smart to understand it...

If I had 50c every time I failed a maths test...

I'd have $6.30 right now

A teenager fails his math test

As a father was passing by his son's bedroom, he was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed, ‘Dad.’

With trembling hands he opened the envelope and read the letter.

“D...

If I had 5 dollars for every math test I have ever failed then

I would have 37 dollars.

What is it called if you fail to successfully perform the Heimlich maneuver?

Two people choking.

My girlfriend warned if she can’t practice on me she’ll fail her masseuse course

She’s putting way too much pressure on my shoulders

The Sword in the Stone is a tale of legend. Only the true King could remove the sword. All that failed did so for one reason.

They did not have arthurization.

a german kid fails his art class

and his dad changes his last name

A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.

His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded

"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant busi...

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My historian friend was telling me about how the Japanese would kamikaze when all else failed.

That's just plane suicide

The soviet union was doomed to fail

The red flags were everywhere.

Why America failed to save the world from Coronavirus



Thor is in Asgard

Ironman died

Captain is now old

Hulk doesn't have much power. Rest of the Avengers are suffering from Corona and China ate Spiderman and Batman.

Why did Jeffrey Epstein's English teacher fail him?

Because he never finished his sentences...

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A Japanese man told his dad about his failed knee surgery.

His dad replied, "No Knee"?

I failed math so many times at school,

I can’t even count.

Nation's attempt to impound water fails as barrier breaks loose

Citizens: Dam!

It is very rare for a defibrillator to fail.

When it happens, though, nobody is shocked.

The leper failed his driving test.

He left his foot on the clutch.

Told this joke every summer as a camp counselor; never failed

This cheerio works 9-5 at a factory doing the same mundane task every day of every year. One day, this smoking hot frosted cheerio walks in and the normal cheerio falls for her instantly. He walks up to her and says:

“Hey, want to grab something to eat later?” And she says:

“Actually,...

I failed the math quiz yesterday on the elevator

It was wrong on so many levels.

I have an exam tomorrow for my “Women in Saudi Arabia” class, and I’m sure I am going to fail.

It covers everything.

in the wake of the pandemic and failing ratings, AMC's The Walking Dead has changed it's format.

it will now be a reality show shot solely inside America's nursing homes.

What is your go to never fail joke for parties?

I assume that this will become nsfw, but we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.

A thrice divorced woman is giving love another try ...

Her first love abused her with his fists. The second one ran away. The third one completely failed in bed. But she still feels lonely and doesn't want to stop believing in love, so she posted an ad on a newspaper with her story that she was still available. A few days later, she heard the doorbell r...

BREAKING: The President's recent suicide attempt failed last night when the rope broke. His statement:

"Fake noose."

I failed my Spanish language exam.

Sacre bleu

If I had 50 cents for everytime I failed a math test..

I would have $6.38.

A Jewish boy was failing math.

His mother had tried everything. Special classes, private tutors and even a summer at a math camp. Nothing worked. Desperate, she decided to send her son to a Catholic school one of her friends had recommended.

The boy came home the first day, slammed his coat on the table, ran to his room a...

I failed my test on Canadian Geography today

I knew Nunavut

Science teacher fail.

Little Johnny is on a field trip with his science class; they're in the woods.
Johnny spies a snake. He asks "Hey teacher, is this snake poisonous"?
The teacher responds "No, that snake is not poisonous".

Johnny catches the snake. He proudly shows it off to his classmates. The snake tur...

I don't want to fail my hernia exam ....

But my test tickles.

I got sent home from work today because I failed the temperature test today.

I dropped my pants and bent over.

They should have said it was a thermal scan!

Why did the terrorist blonde fail to blow up a van?

She burned her mouth on the exhaust pipe.

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A man goes fishing every Saturday without fail.

He Wakes up Saturday morning at 6 am, gives his wife a kiss and says goodbye, makes a flask of tea and sandwiches and puts his fishing gear into the car, then of he drives to the lake.

One Saturday morning he awakes at 6 am, kisses his wife and says goodbye, makes his tea and sandwiches, pops...

I tried to convince my friend that influenza is more dangerous than coronavirus, but failed.

I provided a lot of evidence, but it all just flu over his head.

I failed my Shakespeare test because I forgot to study and I used the wrong pencil.

I couldn't tell whether it was 2B or not 2B.

I failed an eye test the other day

I asked the doctor what that meant about my eyes






He said, "they don't look good"

A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

Student, "Sir, do you really know everything about this subject?"

Professor, "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?"

Student, "OK. So I'd like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you can't gi...

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Why did the father of 12 fail his driving test?

It was the parallel parking...he could get in but he wasn't able to pull out properly

Dad: you are no longer my son if you fail the exam

3 Days later

Dad: How's your exam?

Son: Who are you?

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Professor: "You are failing your ethics class."

Me: *slides a $50 across the desk*
"How about now?"

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Why did John Cena's porn career failed?

According to the cameramen of pornhub, he started great but when it was time to do the money shot, no one could ever see him coming.

As my parachute failed and I was falling, I realized why.

The seller said no strings attached.

Why do Catholics and Irish people always fail trigonometry?

Because the catholics are afraid of Sin and the Irish people can't Tan.

I failed my calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.

I couldn’t differentiate between them.

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Do I ever fail to satisfy my girlfriend sexually?

A small part of me says yes.

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Chuck Norris once owned a toilet paper company that failed.

It failed because Chuck Norris takes shit from no one.

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What position do people in a failed marriage have sex in

96

We should've known communism would fail.

There were a lot of red flags.

I failed my grammar exam today.

Apparently, "before Christmas" was not a good example for present tense.

What happens when you fail at No Nut November?

Nuttin'.

A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.

First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.

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A couple at the doctors and the doctor tell the woman she’s pregnant...

... the man says “there’s just no way we always use protection without fail every single time we have sex”

The doctor says, sir, let me tell you a story;
There once was a hunter who took his gun with him everywhere he went, he was never without his gun. One day he accidentally picked up h...

Why did the atheist fail algebra?

He never recognized a higher power.

What do you call it when a russians wifi fails?

Internyet

A man goes to buy a parachute

He asks the cashier,
“what happens if the parachute fails to deploy?”

The cashier responds: “ Oh, Just pull the reserve chute, you will be fine.”

The man asks again: “What if the reserve chute fails???”

The cashier responds: “ Well, In that case bring it back and we will giv...

Doctor: I'm terribly sorry, but it seems your kidneys are failing.

Me: I can't believe this is happening.

Wife (sobbing): How will we tell our son?

Me: ... I'll tell him.

\[Later at home, sitting down with son\]

Me: Bad news kid, your knees are failing.

Just failed to get a job as a mountain goatherd.

It was a pretty high baa.

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Hitler's Game

During the Second World War hitler and his troops storm into a village and gather the people in the village to the square. Hitler wanted to shoot the people there but decided it was too boring. He came up with a game where the wifes would need to identify her man only by touching his dick. If she fa...

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An old Japanese sword smith meets his three sons at a shrine, and explains his final wish.

"I refuse to die until I am a great-grand father." He says. "Until you all three of you have given me a great-grand child, I will live on. When each of you grant me this, I will give you all a sword, each matching your personalities." After I give you the swords, I will die.

The child of the ...

Due to inflation a man had to carry a wheelbarrow filled with $1 billion dollars, all in $1 bills

All the banks fail so he has to store his money in a wheelbarrow

He carries the wheelbarrow around town looking for things to buy with his enormous amount of money

He can’t buy anything since even the simplest thing like an apple or a banana cost $2 billion dollars

One day he...

If you're ever skydiving and your parachute fails to open, don't panic.

You will have the rest of your life to try and fix it.

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I just failed a fire safety course when they asked what steps I would take in case of an explosion.

Apparently “Fucking large ones” wasn’t an acceptable answer.

A priest, a fisherman, and an engineer were sentenced to death by guillotine.

The executioner told the priest he could say/do one more thing before he was executed. So the priest prays to God to spare his life. So as the priest was being executed, the guillotine got stuck. Now according to the law, if the guillotine fails to kill the person, they are set free.So, the priest w...

A man is pulled over by a cop.

The officer walks up to the car, gets the driver's license and registration, and tells him he was stopped because he failed to come to a complete stop at the stop sign.

The driver replies, "I slowed down. There was no one coming, so I drove on through."

The officer replies, "You are re...

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A college girl was desperate to pass a poetry class for which she was almost failing...

For the final exam, the professor announced the challenge of the year: he wanted the students to write something confident. Philosophical. Something that really meant "no worries."

Everyone went home and stayed up all night writing their final exam poetry, the girl including.

The next ...

Kidnapper called my boss after kidnapping his mother in-law..

And said - If you fail to deliver the money, we will release her.

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You hear about the dude who failed Masturbation 101?

He couldn't get a grip on it.

Why did Stalin fail out of school?

He didn't get high enough Marx.

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I failed to get into the male pornstar industry

Apparently I have shortcomings

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Thought you'd like to know.

A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called, and that on a few occasions when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog o...

I am so forgetful that I always forget to pack my calculator before my math tests. But I am so smart that I have only failed them a few times...

So few that I can count on my fingers

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Why did the Nazi fail driver’s ed?

He used his signal for two left turns but failed on the Third Reich.

Why do boats that are an inch across always fail?

Because they're cap-sized

There is a good chance you’ll fail your calculus exam if you are sitting between identical twins.

Because it’s hard to differentiate between them.

TEACHER: you're currently failing english, are you reading for extra credit?

**ME:** I'm reading Animal Farm, the author is so good.

**TEACHER:** orwell?

**ME:** yeah... I meant the author is so well.

What did the terrorist do when his kidneys failed?

Dial-ISIS

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I just took my Pornography 101 final exam. It wasn't hard.

I failed

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Yesterday I failed No Nut November

I guess I should have seen it cumming.

Famous Quotes from US Presidents

“The harder the conflict, the greater the triumph.” ― George Washington

“Honesty is the first chapter of the book wisdom.” ― Thomas Jefferson

“If tyranny and oppression come to this land it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.” ― James Madison

“Try and fail, but don...

I was a failing engineering student. Today I finished creating a robot with speech capabilities.

Between you and me, that's saying something.

A husband and wife are doing a crossword puzzle.

Husband: Programs for mobile devices. 4 letters

Wife: Apps

Husband: Adolescent, 4 letters

Wife: Teen

Husband: Contraction meaning failed to perform, 5 letters

Wife: Didn't

Husband: Take a life, 4 letters

Wife: Kill

Husband: Religious songs, 5 l...

So I am already busy earning my second million.

Because earning the first million failed

Why does a failed physicist smokes marijuana?

Because as he gets high he increases his potential.

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A panda walks into a bar

He asks the bartender for a sandwich. Upon consuming it, he pulls out a pistol and shoots the bartender, then leave.

After a chase ensued the police begin to apprehend the panda. However, due to his size, they can't do it without the panda's co-operation, and every time the police try to rest...

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Failed my biology test today.

They asked, "What is commonly found in cells?"

Apparently "black people" wasn't the correct answer.

I come from a family of failed magicians

I have two half sisters.

Why did Elon Musk fail to go to Mars

Because he is very down to Earth

Drove an hour to pick up a woman for a date...

...she can’t drive, doesn’t have a job, and is failing college.

So yes...she’s attractive.

Why did Anakin Skywalker fail survival school?

Because when he was truly lost, he did not seek the higher ground

What did King Arthur say when his wife asked if he failed No Nut November?

"Yeah, I Camelot"

I don’t understand why the young people today fail to see the dangers of communism.

I mean come on, there are so many red flags!

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed.

The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the esca...

The inventor of glass coffins was asked would his failing business ever succeed.

He replied. Remains to be seen.

Why did Bush's exit plan fail?

He was caught between Iraq and a hard place.

I failed my math exam because I couldn’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 as Roman numerals

IM LIVID

I failed my python breeding class because of a late assignment.

My homework ate my dog.

As the police put the handcuffs on me, my mother said, “Dan, I’ve failed you as a mother.”

“Mum, my name is Dave.”

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Two friends from Australia were on a flight from Sydney to London

An hour into their flight the pilot makes an announcement:

Pilot: ladies and gentlemen I must inform you that one of our four engines have failed. Not to worry though, the plane can fly fine with three engines, it just means a half hour delay to our arrival time, our sincere apologise.
...

Did you hear about the failed lawnmowing business?

They just couldn't cut it in their field.

If I had a dollar for everytime I failed a test

I could finally pay off my student loans

TIL that in the '60s, Liverpool FC tried to get Yul Brynner to advertise their own-brand aftershave.

Sadly, it was doomed to fail because...

Yul never wore cologne.

A blonde is taking her driving exam

She gets into the car and the teacher fails her immediately.
- What do you mean? I just got into the car.
- Yes, but you got into the back seat.

As a dyslexic person who frequently fails to board the proper means of public transportation...

Whoops, wrong bus.

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Why do most people fail ninja school?

Because they show up to class.

There once was a pirate captain who was regarded as the bravest person in his ship .

Every battle, when his crew reported to him that there was an enemy ship, he would say, “Bring me my red shirt!” Every time he wore that red shirt, his ship would defeat the enemy without fail.

This went on for a long time. Eventually, one deckhand became curious. “Captain,” he asked, “Why do...

Why do all german exchange students fail math?

Because nobody wants to see their final solution.

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