A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.
Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive. The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.
Ten years ...
Twin sisters in a Newfoundland nursing home were turning 100 years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the 100 year old twins.
One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.
Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.
The deaf sister said to her twin "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!" said the other.
"Now get a little closer to...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back...
The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the so...
A new guy starts work at a bakery.
He's handed his rota and his eyes lighten up: "Great, it's dinner-roll day!". The supervisor is puzzled to see such enthusiasm for so mundane a task as baking dinner rolls, but sure enough, the new guy goes to it with zest and panache and is soon turning out dinner rolls the like of which the superv...
My girlfriend is turning 32 soon...
I told her not to get her hopes up.
"After all," I said, "we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute."
When she asked what in the world I was talking about, I pointed out, "This is your thirty-second birthday."
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A boy turns 14 and asks his dad if he could have a car as his present.
Dad asks "Can your d reach yor a* hole?" The boy stretches as much as possible, but doesn't make it. "No, dad, it doesn't" he replies. Dad says " Well, you're not grown up enough for a car. Let's see again next year." The boy turns 15 and asks his dad for the same present. Dad asks "Can your d ...
It’s kind of silly we’re trying turning plants into burgers
Haven’t cows been doing that for like, forever?
The local journalist heard about a man turning 100 years old who had never had any alcohol in his life.
The journalist decided to interview him to highlight the health benefits of abstaining.
On the day of the interview the journalist is led into the old man's house by his caregiver. The caregiver took him to the old man who was bedridden and hooked up to an oxygen tank.
"So you've never...
Turning grandpas ashes into fireworks
Call it going out with a bang.
The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast
honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
I'm a 50 y/o woman and without a hair saloon I'm turning grey. This deprives me of my dignity.
I think I'll have to dye alone.
Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings.
As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home. Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea. On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming. The mother thou...
A gentleman is preparing to board a plane when he hears that the Pope is on the same flight.
Imagine his surprise when the Pope sits down in the seat next to him.
Shortly after take-off, the Pope starts a crossword puzzle. Almost immediately, the Pope turns to the gentleman and says, “Excuse me, but would you know a four letter word ending in ‘u-n-t’ that refers to a woman?”
I'm pretty sure the coronavirus has got me turning into a dog.
I lie around the house all day, my main method of exercise is walking around the neighborhood, and the mailman coming by is one of the most exciting parts of my day.