Three ghosts were talking about what was keeping them from being promoted from ghoul to specter.
The first confessed, "I have a weakness for boooooooooooooobs."
The second admitted, "I drink too much boooooooooooooze."
The third said, "I lack situational awareness."
Why do many people keeping buying Mudéjar art?
Because it is Moor-ish!
>!I realise that this joke is relying on fairly uncommon words like Mudéjar, Moor and moreish - which will reduce how many people will enjoy the joke. But I didn't think that should stop it from being shared. Words explained below!<
>!Mudéjar art: Refer...
Why did Sweeney Todd’s wife have such a hard time keeping her restaurant staffed?
Ship captain is in charge of keeping ship's log.
He notes "NE wind, calm sea, today first mate is drunk." After seeing that first mate asks captain to remove the note about him as it would harm his career. "No, I can't do that" declines the captain "we only write the truth in the log." Seeing there is nothing he can do first mate drops the issue. ...
What did Master Yoda attribute to keeping his sanity during all those years of solitude?
He said whatever you can do to pass the time anything to make the day-go-ba
An employee at the local grocery store was primarily responsible for keeping frozen goods well stocked.
At first, he only had a few items to manage, such as bagged ice, frozen pizza, and ice cream. However, as time went by, he found that his daily "to do" list from management was getting longer and longer, sometimes even including things outside the frozen section. At his breaking point, he went to hi...
I have trouble keeping their jobs these days...
First I was working at a potato farm, but then I was sacked.
Next it was the tuna factory, but then I was canned.
Next I tried being a lumberjack, but then I got axed.
Next I found an opening at the crematorium, but then I was fired.
Next I screwed up at the gun manufactu...
The perpetrator killed the victim by keeping him in a temperature chamber set to 1C
The sentence was first degree murder.
Why are city-dwelling gnomes very good at keeping time?
Because they are metrognomes.
A man decides to put his life savings into opening an aquarium...
A young man took every penny he had and used it to open an aquarium. He worked tirelessly, growing it from a small roadside attraction into the greatest aquarium ever. Over a lifetime, he amassed the largest collection of sea life ever assembled. He and his team conducted scientific research and ran...
A joke (long)
A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper.
The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?"
The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."
The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it ...
Little boy keeping the shop...
A little boy was keeping his dad's shop while he was away. There were lots of candies kept in jars for sell. They were known to be so delicious that kids couldn’t resist themselves from buying candies. One day a passer by asked him, if he was keeping the shop, to which the boy said yes. Seei...
There was a mohel who had the odd habit of keeping the foreskins in a box in a closet.
One day he noticed that they'd naturally tanned into very supple leather, so he took the boxful to a bag maker, to see if anything could be done with them. The craftsman told him to return in a month.
When he did, he was presented with a shaving kit.
"All of that leather, and this was ...
For those of you that don't already know, I have been admitted into hospital and they are keeping me in.
I have only gone and poisoned myself. What I thought was a large spring onion turned out to be a daffodil bulb. They said I should be out sometime in the spring.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.
One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.
Edit: Yes, yes MILLIONS. I wasn't sure if those sources were true or not when I posted.
Also, the spam from the Trump people is great. I feel like I'm on the *real*...
If it's one thing you don't have to worry about keeping out of your mouth...
it's Jada Pinkett Smith's hair.