A little British boy raises his hand to ask his teacher a question

"Miss, My mother says freedom is the most beautiful thing in the world. What does freedom mean?"

The teacher seeing the importance of this question for the sweet, innocent child, thinks quickly about how best to respond.

She smiles sweetly and says "Why don't you come up and tell the c...

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts,’ which on the one hand is great,

but on the other, it’s just not right.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day, when the daughter said, "My hands are freezing cold!" The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up."

The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day, the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said, "My hands are freezing cold!"

The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up."

He did and warmed his hands.

The following da...

So the Doctor hands me the Baby and tells me my wife didn't make it.

So I politely return the Baby and ask for the one my wife made.

What do you call a C₆H₁₂O₆ molecule that can use its right and left hands equally well?

Ambidextrose

Gotta hand it to babies...

...because their short, stupid little arms can't reach anything

You've got to hand it to Trump, he defeated ISIS...

...they gave up operations after Trump shows he can kill more Americans than they ever could.

As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked me with tears in his eyes and said...

“You know, one would’ve been enough!”

A‌‌n America‌‌n soldier‌‌, servin‌‌g i‌‌n Worl‌‌d Wa‌‌r I‌‌I ha‌‌d jus‌‌t returne‌‌d fro‌‌m severa‌‌l week‌‌s o‌‌f battl‌‌e o‌‌n th‌‌e Germa‌‌n fron‌‌t lines.

Th‌‌e soldie‌‌r ha‌‌d bee‌‌n grante‌‌d res‌‌t an‌‌d relaxatio‌‌n an‌‌d wa‌‌s o‌‌n ‌‌a trai‌‌n tha‌‌t wa‌‌s boun‌‌d fo‌‌r London.

Th‌‌e trai‌‌n wa‌‌s ver‌‌y crowded‌‌, s‌‌o th‌‌e soldie‌‌r walke‌‌d th‌‌e lengt‌‌h o‌‌f th‌‌e trai‌‌n i‌‌n hope‌‌s o‌‌f findin‌‌g a‌‌n empt‌‌y seat.

Th‌‌e on...

I bought a second hand time machine next Sunday.

They don’t make them like they’re going to anymore.

- I just spilled sodium hydride on my hand.

-Does it hurt?

-NaH

What has 12 Legs, 12 hands and 12 Eyes?

12 Pirates

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

PRO TIP: if you are exposed to mace and/or tear gas DO NOT MASTURBATE, EVEN AFTER YOU WASH YOUR HANDS SEVERAL TIMES.

this is not a joke I’m suffering!

I was enjoying a sandwich on a cliff, but it fell from my hands.

I thought to myself...

“This sub has gone downhill”.

What do women and hand grenades have in common?

If you take off the ring, your house is gone.

Mother Superior is in the convent, when she hears a knock at the door. She opens the door and is shocked to see two leprechauns standing at the threshold, hats in hand. The first leprechaun speaks, "Mother Superior, would you be having any leprechaun nuns in this convent?"

"No, my son. We have no leprechaun nuns in this convent."

"And mother, do you have any leprechaun nuns in all of Ireland?"

"No my son, I don't believe there's a single leprechaun nun in the whole church!"

The first leprechaun rounds on his companion and shouts, "AH TOL' YE YOU'D...

for any women thinking about father's day presents: most men appreciate things done by hand

or mouth

Depressing pickup lines.

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you a toaster?
Because I really want to take a bath with you.

Are you a noose?
Because I really want to hang with you.

Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me.

Are you anti-...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sailor and an airman were in a base restroom at the same time. Both used the urinals. After completing his business, the sailor zipped up his fly and turned to leave. The airman glowered at him. "In the Air Force, they teach us to wash our hands after using the restroom."

"Oh yeah?" the sailor replied. "Well, in the Navy they teach us not to piss on our hands."

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00

He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "I am." The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

A monk joins an abbey ready to dedicate his life to copying ancient books by hand

After the first day though, he reports to the head priest. He's concerned that all the monks have been copying from copies made from still more copies.

"If someone makes a mistake" he points out "It would be impossible to detect. Even worse, the error would continue to be made"

A bit s...

The best thing about using alcohol hand gel isn’t just the hygiene, it's that everyone walks around now looking like they’re...

...about to hatch a dastardly plan...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Hitler’s alligator pine for his right hand man

He'd had the left one for breakfast

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.

In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, “My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to the market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road. The basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke.” The moral of the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

She sexily unbuttons her shirt, removes her bra, pushes him down and placed his hand on her bare chest.

"$100. Just $100 and I'll do anything you want."
His eyes glow bright: "Anything?"
"Anything." She whispers into his ears.
Excited, he springs up, pulls out his wallet, gives her 5 brand new $20 bills and says: "Here is $100! Now give me $500!"

I walk to the sperm bank reception and say: "here it is" as I hand the sample to the receptionist

She responds with "thank you for coming"

Handjobs [nsfw]

A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu:

"Cheeseburgers: $5

Fries: $3

Handjobs: $10."

He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs?"

"Yes, I am," she replies seductivel...

A stickman, who robbed a bank, was finally caught after being cornered in an alley. The police told him, “hands in the air!”

The stickman: lol

I had decided to write a letter by hand the other day when my pencil broke.

I tried to finish but it was pointless.

Robin Hood hands over stolen goods to the poor man

Man: Wow thank you robin hood, now i'm rich!

Robin: *squints* you're what?

They tell us to tap elbows instead of shaking hands.

Then they tell us to sneeze into our elbows.

I made a clock. The big hand is a butcher's knife, the small hand is a paring knife, and the clock face is a sharpening stone.

There's never a dull moment.

I don't have four hands

but I have forearms

Some people aren’t shaking hands because of COVID 19.

I’m not shaking hands because everyone is out of toilet paper and hand sanitizer.

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I’m starting a second hand sex toy drive

It’s called Toys for Twats.

Whenever I wash my hands in public, I like to sing "Down with the Sickness".

People get "Disturbed" from this.

Hand joke

Why can your hand never be 12 inches long?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and orders a Screwdriver, so the bartender hands him an apple

Confused, the man says "Bartender, I would like the drink." The bar tender shakes his head no and says "Just eat the apple."

The man takes a bite out of the apple and to his surprise he says "Wow, this tastes like vodka!" and the bartender says "Turn it around." So the man turns the apple aro...

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand down a horse's throat?

A mechanic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was masturbating today and my hand fell asleep –

that’s got to be the ultimate rejection.

Yesterday, I paid a random stranger to put their hands inside my mouth.

Y’know, the dentist?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome…

I guess now it's clear why everybody calls me handsome.

What goes back and forth, makes white stuff, and feels different if you use your other hand?

A toothbrush

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Both a surgeon and a tattoo artist have to have a steady hand,

With the surgeon it's the difference between life and death, with the tattoo artist it's the difference between a beautiful mermaid and a fat bitch with an fish up her ass

With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.

A coronaissance, if you will.

After eating fries covered in ketchup, I accidentally rubbed my eyes without washing my hands. Luckily, I'm able to see just fine.

You know what they say. Heinzsight is 20/20.

Me: *slapping my older brother in the face with his own hand*

Me: stop hitting yourself haha, why do you keep hitting yourself

Sister-in-law: ~crying~ is this why you wanted an open casket

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walking down the street saw an old woman carrying two bags in her hands, one of which was filled with money.

He asked her, "Where did an old woman like yourself get a bag of money?"

She said, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to take a piss they stick their dicks in a hole in my fence and piss all over my flowerbed. It became a problem, so I sat next to the hole with...

If my current career doesn’t work out I’m going try my hand as a honey farmer.

It’s my plan bee.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b\*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b\*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don...

Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket?

Or are you just happy to be within six feet of me?

Being left handed I was always told I was more creative but all I noticed was that I smudge the words when writing with pencil.

I guess it’s a blessing and a cursive

If any one on this sub is thinking of getting married soon, please consider this carefully

On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.

On the other hand, you don't.

Way too much time on my hands so I decided to make a bong out of a pineapple and paper towel tube. Didn't want to leave the house, so tried to smoke oregano, but found it really hurt my throat. Tried black pepper, but it just made me sneeze...

Moved on to some ground ginger, but the smoke made my eyes water.

Went on the internet where it says banana peels can be smoked, but couldn't get them dry enough to combust.

Checked under the sofa cushion, found an old bent up cigarette, placed it in the bowl, took a deep hit and real...

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A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says… “Hang on! You're a duck!”

"I see your eyes are working.” replies the duck.

"And you can talk!!” exclaims the barman.

"I see your ears are working, too.” says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"C...

During my prostate exam the doctor put his hands on my shoulders and said "Dave, it's normal to get a hard-on while doing this."

"My name is not Dave," I replied.
"Yes, I know," said the doctor, "I am Dave."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I call my hand Handy and my foot Footy. What do I call my dick?

Useful. Because it always comes in Handy.

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little frisky. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and smiling, he says to her: “Honey, would you take me upstairs?”

Horrified, she replies: “Are you mad? My parents will see us!”

“Oh come on! Who’s gonna see us at this hour?” he asks, grinning at her.

“No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?”

“Oh come on! There’s nobody around, they’re all sleeping!”


“No way. It’s just too ri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot…

Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m."

He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.

The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.

They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay."

She's there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats al...

Why can't T-Rexes clap their hands?

Because they're extinct.

I asked my dad to hand me a newspaper

He said "oh, just use my iPad."

Poor fly didn't know what hit him.

What do you call Bill Clinton's VP programmatically tapping his foot and clapping his hands?

Algorithm

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's difficult living with a hand for a penis...

But my condoms fit like a glove.

A woman is walking hand-in-hand with her husband on Christmas Eve In Moscow

They're having a nice night when, suddenly, they start to feel a bit of precipitation on their faces.


The woman looks at her husband and says, "Look, dear, it's raining."


Her husband tells her, "No, dear, it's snowing." Well, this argument goes back and forth for a few minu...

My wife asked for help with a puzzle. She said to hand her pieces with rocks and water.

I said shore.

I saw a man with one arm shopping at a second hand store.

I told him "you're not going to find what you're looking for."

My friend always has the most ridiculous stories. Yesterday he called me and said he had his hand up a rabbit.

I said, "Get out of hare?!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes to Las Vegas to gamble and he loses all his money. He doesn't even have enough for a cab, but he flagged one down anyway. He explained to the driver that he would pay him back next time and gave him his phone number, but the driver told him, "Get the fuck out of my cab."

He walked all the way to the airport and got home.

Some times rolls by and he decides to go back to Vegas again and this time he wins BIG.

He gets his bags and is ready for the airport with all his new winnings.

There are a line of cabs and at the very end he sees the driver fro...

What do you call flammable gel that's made from horse hands?

Neighpalm

The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.

The Pope says to Trump, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they...

It's dark, gloomy with a slight bit of fog. The little girl grips the man's hand tightly as an owls hoot echoed through the rustling trees...

"I'm scared" said the little girl.

"You're scared?!" Said the man. "At least you don't have to walk back alone!"

DIY Hand Sanitizer

If you mix Tabasco in you hand sanitizer it will not only kill germs but also teach not to touch your face and eyes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So my mate rubs his hands over my freshly shaved head and laughs "Feels just like my wife's arse!"

I rubbed my hands over my head and blinked in surprise. "You're right, it absolutely does."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND A HILLBILLY WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

Suddenly, there was a beeping sound. The German pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at her questionly.

"That was my pager," she said. " I have a microchip implanted under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The Japanese woman lifted her...

An Indian bakery was handing out bread to help relieve people affected by corona

I’m pretty sure they were naan profit

A teacher was getting fed up with one of her student’s bad hand writing-

She said “Your hand writing is absolute chicken scratch! I can barely read it. How are you going to get a job if your employer can’t read what you write?”

He said “Don’t worry, Miss. I’m going to be a doctor.”

I dont really trust left handed people

they are sinister

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was once getting a hand job from a blind girl

She said "this is the biggest dick I've ever put my hands on"
I said "no, you're just pulling my leg!"

I can count on one hand how many times I have been to Chernobyl

It’s 7

An old woman hears a knock on her door and opens it to see a man standing there, hat in hand.

“I’m terribly sorry but I ran over your cat with my car.”
The old woman breaks down in tears and starts crying uncontrollably.
The man says “I know it won’t be the same but I’d really like to replace your cat.”
The woman stops crying for a moment, looks up, and says “I don’t know........ h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer "That'll be five dollars", says the bartender, and the guy throws 20 quarters onto the floor. Reluctantly, the bartender picks up the coins and serves the beer.

The next day, the guy comes into the bar, asks for a beer, throws 20 quarters onto the floor, etc.

The next day, again.

On the fourth day, he asks for a beer, and hands the bartender a 10$ bill. The bartender takes advantage of his chance for revenge, throws 20 quarters onto the floor ...

The CDC is recommending people bump elbows instead of shaking hands. This is ridiculous advice.

Everyone knows that's how you spread elbowla.

I like to hold hands at the movies...

which always seems to startle strangers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl is about to have a heart surgery, holding hands with her boyfriend and talking

G: I love you Mike.

B: I love you more.

Girl gets put to sleep and the surgery begins.

A few hours later, she wakes up, and only her dad is next to her.

She asks : Where is Mike?

Dad answers : You don't know who gave you his heart?

Girl is shocked and start...

Saw an old friend yesterday. As a joke I grabbed his hand and made him hit him self while I joked, "Why are you hiring yourself? Stop hitting yourself!"

His wife screamed and cried and the funeral director asked me to leave. Goddamn Philistines....

They say you should sing Happy Birthday when cleaning your hands, but I find Uptown Funk to be much more effective

Don't believe me? Just wash

Quarantine Joke: What's the difference between 144 rolls of toilet paper, and a hand job?

Ran out of toilet paper

Since we’ve all started washing our hands...

...next week we will begin shapes and colors.

My doctor told me to sing a song while washing my hands

I sang American Pie and now my hands are bleeding.

How does someone with a prostethic hand tell the difference between left and right?

Righty tighty, lefty loosy.

What did the throwing star say when his friend asked if he could lend a hand?

Shuriken

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The Thief says: “Give me your money.” The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: “But, wait! You can’t do that, I am a Congressman!”

The thief replies: “Oh, sorry. Give me MY money.”

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.

The real reason I dont like shaking people's hands now isn't because of the virus...

It's because everyone is out of toilet paper....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hand Jobs $20 (NSFW)

A man walks into a sandwich shop and looks at the menu board. It reads

Grilled Cheese - $3
Ham and Cheese $5
Roast Beef - $6
Hand jobs -$20

A beautiful blond with huge tits comes to the register and says "what will you have handsome?"

"Are you the one that gives the han...

A teacher asks the class to name something they are not good at, beginning with the letter O. One student raises his hand and answers...

Spelling


(Stephen Cookson)

Everyone says 6:30 is their favorite time, hands down.

But I also like 3 and 9 o'clock, they're both all right.

I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.

“You’ve given me one too many.”

“That one is a freebie.”

Did you hear that New York State developed its own hand sanitizer to combat COVID?

They filled small bottles with water from the Hudson River. That stuff can kill anything.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An employee was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and
important document here and my Secretary has gone for
the night. Can you make this thing work?"

“Certainly,” said the employee. He turned the machine
on, inserted the paper and pressed the start button.
“Excellent, excellent!” ...

Corona isn't Trump's fault. Ebola wasn't Obama's. SARS wasn't Bush's...

...and only a handful of cases of herpes was Clinton's.

Being an Amputee is a blessing and a curse...

On one hand, I have fingers. On the other hand, I don’t.

Q: If you had one cricket ball in one hand and another cricket ball in your other hand, what would you have?

A: A bloody big cricket.

My wife waved her hands at me and said: Hey! Have you been listening?

I told her that this is a rude way to start a conversation

This Coronavirus fear is getting out of hand...

I accidentally sneezed on my monitor, and my antivirus software started running.

At the movie theater a man noticed a young woman sitting all by herself. He was excited to see she had both hands under her skirt and was playing with herself furiously.

He moved to the next seat to her and offered his help. She agreed, and the man started fingering her like crazy.

When he became tired and withdrew his hand, he was surprised to see her go back to work on herself with both hands.

"Wasn't I good enough?" he asked sheepishly.

"You...

Why doesn’t Bernie Sanders like hand sanitizer?

Because it protects the 0.01%

I saw a couple walking and holding hands during the quarantine..

It mad me sad to see two people hate each other so much.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Hellen Keller masturbate with just one hand?

She uses the other one to moan.

Today I learned Italians have more than 250 specific hand gestures to communicate non-verbally, I asked my German friend if they had anything like it in Germany..

He said they have one but they are not allowed to use it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do I feel about people hoarding toilet paper? Well on the the one hand

I have shit because I couldn’t buy toilet paper

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Taking the "hands on" approach to self isolation turned out to be globally recognized advice from Pornhub.

[NSFW]

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bus full of Nuns falls off a cliff and they all die.

They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them "Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. Please form a single-file line." And they do so. St. Peter turns to ...

I’ve washed my hands so much

That I uncovered a cheat sheet from the sixth grade.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God has two last gifts to hand out to Adam and Eve.

"The first gift I have is the ability to pee while standing up." God says

"Please Lord, let me have this gift. It will be so much easier for me to take care of the animals, and tend the fields, without having to sit down to pee. My darling Eve, please let me have this amazing gift." Adam begg...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I gave up on selling Second-Hand toiletpaper

I guess nobody wanted to buy that shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend said we couldn't have sex while she had her period, but I walked in on her masturbating

caught her red handed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and orders a Jack and Coke.

The bartender reaches behind the bar and grabs a dark red apple, and hands it to the customer.

Dumbfounded, he says “Hey man, what the hell is this? I asked for a Jack and coke!”

The bartender said “Just go a head and take a bite.”

So the man took a bite and his eyes widened “W...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At work we were all out of toilet paper. A co-worker suggested I use a dollar.I ended up with shit all over my hand and half way up my arm...

Well, you try wiping with three quarters two dimes and a nickel

My wife stopped me on the way out the door with my viola case in hand.

Wife: Where do you think you're going?

Me: I got a gig.

Wife: A gig? I thought all your gigs got cancelled?

Me: I got a new one.

Wife: Who hires a violist when we're all quarantined?

Me: The health department. They want me to walk down the street playing my viola ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was younger, I stole a cookie after Sunday school. As I was creeping away, I was caught red handed by a priest.

I was fucked.

Show me a fella with poor hand washing technique

and I’ll show you a man who finishes in under 20 seconds

Man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer

For good clean fun

I’ve got too much thyme on my hands

My hours are only parsley filled. I have anise and a nephew that I babysit, they are gingers, while my hair is salt and pepper. I guess these puns are kinda vanilla, but they’re just going to keep cumin. What’s a superheroes favorite garnish? Capers! If I keep it up you might spray me with mace. A g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If I was addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex,

would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

I hear the guy who invented hand sanitiser is doing well thanks to the coronavirus

I bet he's rubbing his hands together at the thought

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Shaking hands increases the risk of contracting Coronavirus

Michael J. Fox is fucked.

An 85-year-old man was told by the Doctor that he needed a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a sperm sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man ...

Why doesn't Mr. Spock give hand jobs?

Because his Vulcan grip will make you limp.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man hands his wife two aspirin and a glass of water...

She looks at him and says "What the hell are these for? I don't have a headache."

He smiles and says "Great. Let's fuck!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say that a man who keeps his hands in his pockets...

Feels cocky all day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community...

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'si...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Girl: “Forgive me father for I have sinned.”

Priest: “What have you done my child?”

Girl: “I called a man a son of a bitch.”

Priest: “Why did you call him a son of a bitch?”

Girl: “Because he touched my hand.”

Priest: “Like this?” (as he touches her hand)

Girl: “Yes father.”

Priest: “That’s no reason t...

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