A redditor is defusing a bomb.

EDIT: I didn't expect this to blow up!

What did the suicide bomb teacher say to the class?

"Now pay attention, im only going to demonstrate this once."

If "womb" is pronounced "woom", "tomb" is pronounced "toom" then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced

“BOOM"

I hope that blew your minds

An American walks into an Irish pub, he asks the bartender for an Irish Car Bomb.

The bartender grimaces, "Excuse me?"

The man smiles, "It's a drink, you don't have those? Irish car bombs?"

The bartender lights up and replies, "Oh I have something similar, one moment!"

He then takes two tall shot glasses side by side, fills them with vodka, and lights them af...

What did the reddit user say after detonating a bomb inside a bank?

EDIT: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!

Where did Sally go during the bombing

Everywhere

A suicide bombing instructor addresses a group of new recruits.

"All right lads pay attention cos I'm only gonna show you this once"

A nuclear bomb was dropped on Alabama

One family was killed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Step One. Implant a tiny bomb in your head and prepare the detonation button.

What happens next will blow your mind.

Yesterday was my first day on the job defusing bombs, and I had to cut some wires

Turns out, I’m colorblind

What did the English general say after a successful bombing raid on a city in southern France?

Be careful. At this point, they don't have much Toulouse.

The chances of a bomb being on your plane is one in 300 million, but the chances of two bombs being on your plane is one in 60 billion...

which is why, when I fly, I always carry a bomb.

Which car does a terrorist choose to plant a car bomb?

A Citroën C4.

Where did the boy go when the bomb went off?

Everywhere

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man settles in his seat next to the window on a plane, when another man sits down next to him and seats his Black Labrador Retriever in-between them. The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why he's allowed on the plane. The second man explains that he's a DEA-Agent, Sniffing-dog.

His name is Sniffer, and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work."

The plane takes off, and once it has levelled out, the agent says "Watch this. He tells Sniffer to 'search'". Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposef...

If "womb" is pronounced "woom", "tomb" is pronounced "toom" then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced

"BOOM"



I hope that blew your minds

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My history teacher told us that if a nuclear bomb was closely approaching, being flexible would be very helpful.

It's so that you can bend your body and kiss your ass goodbye.

What do you get when you drop a bomb in a French kitchen?

Linoleum Blownapart.

What does a redditor in the military say when his station is bombed?

Damn, this post blew up

If 2020 were a bath bomb...

It would be a toaster.

Remember when some guy put a bomb in his shoe and tried to get on an airplane?

Now we all have to remove our shoes just to get past security and get on a flight. I wish that had been a woman with a bomb in her bra.

I always bring a bomb with me on an airplane

Because the probability of there being *two* bombs on an airplane is nearly zero.

With all the bombings in Kabul, Afghanistan, authorities are planning to rename the city

They’re aiming for Kabum

What did the clean Uranium bomb say to the DIRTY plutonium bomb?

P u

A crazy scientist asked strangers on Reddit to help him make a bomb

Edit: Wow this exploded! I didn't expect that, Thank you guys!

Scientists have invented a bomb that explodes when the temperature hits absolute zero

It's called the "0K Boomer"

“Pro-life supporter bombs abortion clinic; multiple dead”

And they say America doesn’t do satire

If you say AT&T backwards

You sound like a Canadian Bomb Technician.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man applies for a government job

A man goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"OK, have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."

The...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish pilot and Chinese pilot are flying together for the 1st time.

An hour into the flight, the Jewish pilot says to his Chinese counterpart “I don’t like the Chinese.”

Stunned, the Chinese pilot replies “Why don’t you like the Chinese?”

“Well” says the Jew, “the Chinese bombed Pearl Harbor.”

Even more stunned, he replies ”The Chinese didn’t bo...

I had to use a yardstick to stop a bomb explosion...

Drastic times call for drastic measures

So yesterday there was a bomb at my school

It was a blast!

Did you hear about the two atomic bombs that got into an argument?

They had a fallout.

I am going to become a bomb defuser.

It is one job where....

Either i'm right.

Or suddenly its not my problem anymore.

My sister asked for a bath bomb for her birthday, so I gave her a toaster.

Same thing if you think about it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bomb went off near Hitler and some shrapnel got in his eyes. He went to the optometrist and when asked why Day was wrong he said

I can Nazi

What happens if your cake day bomb ends the world?

Karmageddon.

Get to the bunker, a nuclear bomb is dropping

"You can't force me in a bunker, I am an American, I have rights"

IAMA professional bomb diffuser. Ask me anything.

edit: wow, this blew up

A Finn, Swede and Norwegian were on a plane. The pilot announced: "Too much weight! Too much weight!"

The Norwegian dropped an orange off the plane. The pilot repeated: "Too much weight! Too much weight!"

The Swede dropped a banana peel. Yet again there was the request: "Too much weight! Too much weight!"

The Finn dropped a bomb. When the plane finally landed, the Finn, Swede and Norwe...

Bomb Compliments

“You da bomb!”

“No, you da bomb!”

It’s a compliment in America but an argument in Al Quaida meeting.

I've spent my life savings building the world's first Apathy Bomb and it just blew up in my face.

And here I am posting OC on r/jokes. Stupid thing didn't even work.

“You’re the bomb!” “No, you’re the bomb!”

In America, a compliment.

In the Middle East, an argument.

What’s the easiest way to sneak a bomb onto a plane?

Buy a galaxy note 7

Recently my rug got destroyed due to multiple explosions.

I guess you could call it a carpet bombing.

Q: Where do suicide bombers go after they die?

A: Everywhere

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After having their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough,...

...as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly al...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day Jewish man went for a hike

He hikes all the way up to a viewpoint overlooking his city. There he meets a Chinese man, they greet each other and after some conversation the Jewish man asks:

"where are you from?"

"From China" the chinese man responds.

"I don't like you Chinese you bombed pearl harbour!" s...

I made a bomb today with the help of my Twitch viewers!

"Wow this really blew up! Thanks guys!"

Did you hear about the terrorist who strapped bombs loaded with Coronavirus to his chest?

He blew up and went viral.

What is an example of a Facebook paradox?

Discovering one of their user's is trying to build a bomb and having to decide between reporting him to the FBI or serving him ads for digital timers

How do you defuse a time bomb?

Help i need answers really qui

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes on vacation and leaves his neighbor to watch his cat

The man comes back home and his neighbor meets him at the door.

"Dude, your cat got hit by a car and died while you were gone."

The man is distraught, "man, you can't just drop a bomb straight up like that! You've gotta soften the blow!"

"Soften it how," the neighbor asks.
...

Why can't you trust a duck with bomb defusal?

They quack under pressure.

Two newspaper bosses are sent into a huge bank vault and find it stacked to the ceiling with piles of 24-karat bars. They can keep them for good, but only if they are able to diffuse a bomb first...

Editor 1: Thanks for the gold.

Editor 2: This blew up.

Whats a suicide bombers worst fear?

Dying alone

How does an ecoterrorist operate?

He plants a bomb

I like my coffee how I like bombs

Arabic

There was three guys and they decided to chuck something out of an aeroplane. The first guy dropped out a dagger. The second guy dropped out a boulder and the third guy dropped out a bomb. The first guy went home and he saw his dad crying in the yard and he asked his dad “what’s wrong?”

The dad says “a dagger fell out of the sky and hit my wife on the head and now she’s dead.

The second guy went home and it’s the same story, he asks his dad “what’s wrong?”

“A boulder fell out of the sky and hit my wife in the head and now she’s dead”

The third guy got home, a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Someone just shoved a bomb into a bull's ass.

Just abominable.

What do you get when you put a bomb in a bada-Bing?

Bada-Bing-bada-boom!

Two Traitors Heading for the Capitol Building

Passenger asks "That bomb in the trunk was made by amateurs right?"

The driver responds "yup."

Passenger asks, a bit nervously, "Well what happens if that bomb just goes off?"

The driver responds with great confidence, "No problem at all".

"We have another one under the b...

What’s the explosive a miner uses?

The bomb-diggity.

What do you call a fruit with bomb?

POMOGRENADE

What do you call a swimming terrorist?

A bath bomb

Why wont ISIS bomb my local Walmart?

...because its not a Target.

I tried to make a living as a comedian, but I constantly bombed every sets.

So I joined Al Qaeda instead.

Suicide bombing is one of my favorite pastimes.

Once you try it, you'll never go back.

I hate planting bombs now.

Everything is blown out of proportion.

I make bombs for a living

Business is booming

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

I've told this story to many naive greens before me, so self-absorbed in their own notions of human conflict and the meaning of war. Whenever I finish the tale they're always pale as Lyndon B's corrupt lyin' ass. I can't blame 'em. This story kept me up throughout my whole deployment in those damn j...

Did you hear about the guy selling bombs disguised as prayer mats?

Prophets were going through the roof

Suicide Bombing School

Imagine a school where suicide bombing Is being taught, the teachers would say to the students.
.
Please, pay attention, I'm only going to do this once!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

K-9 Super Dog

My dog, Enforcer, has extremely sensitive olfactory receptors. I have trained him to be able to detect everything from bombs and drugs to cancer.

We do a lot of training for the police and the process can be very annoying. There is always at least one officer that doesn't believe a dog can d...

What do you call a dish that makes your taste buds explode?

A bomb appetit...



My friend forced me to tell the world about my dumb joke.

God, I'm awful, sorry about that!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A British fighter pilot was shot down over German occupied airspace during WWII and...

...was captured by the Nazis on the ground. He was beaten up pretty bad in the dogfight and parachute landing, and they had to amputate his leg, so he begged them "Please, if you have to take my leg, can you drop it over my base the next time you send a bombing mission?"
The Nazis figured there w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[nsfw] A monkey is walking through the jungle when he spies a sleeping lion...

The monkey says, "King of the jungle, eh? I bet I could fuck that lion right up the ass. That'd make ME king of the jungle!" So he lifts up the lion's tail and starts going to town.

The lion wakes up and roars, "WHAT THE HELL???" and starts chasing the monkey through the jungle. After about 2...

3 men are on a hot air balloon

3 men are on a hot air balloon but it’s losing altitude. They need to get rid of things quickly.

The first man grabs some planks of wood and throws them off the side of the balloon.

The second man throws 3 heavy rocks off of the balloon.

The last man drops a bomb off the side....

My grandpa survived both the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings.

Being in Australia helped.

Why did Oppenheimer invent the atomic bomb?

Because he wanted the world to lighten up.

I was going to make a joke about a defective bomb.

But it probably won't blow up.

I had to put a bomb inside a bull today. So I guess you could say he’s

__*Abominable..*__

A man is planning on taking a vacation but is afraid of flying

He is afraid of someone bombing the plane, so he asks a statistician what the odds are of a bomb being on a plane. He says the odds are one in a million and he shouldn’t worry about it.

He asks what the odds of 2 bombs being on the same plane are, and the statistician says the odds are so lo...

If the ISIS decided to suicide bomb in Hawaii

will they shout "allahu akbar" or "aloha akbar?

Who's the only soldier who doesn't have to give a salute to a 4-star general as he passes, and can give an order to that general and be absolutely certain that it will be carried out immediately?

A bomb tech specialist at a dead run.

What did the explosives specialist say when he was about to hit the switch on his first bomb?

Please let this blow up

The odds of getting on a plane with a bomb on it are 950,000 to one -

The odds of getting on a plane with two bombs on it are closer to 700,000,000 to one So, to be safe, I always bring my own bomb.

S. W.

What did the bullet say to the bomb?

OK Boomer.

What are bombing instructors in Jihad camps getting tired of hearing?

"Ok Boomer"

Two Italian guys, Dino and Marcello, go fishing on a boat

Suddenly, Dino spots an old WWII bomb floating towards them.

Dino screams "Marcello! Look! It's a mine!"

Marcello -scared- replies "Okay okay Dino, you can a have it!"

A bomb just went off in a paris cheese shop

There is de brie everywhere!

What is my age ?

The new mathematics school teacher on the very first day asks a very complicated question.

Teacher: Let me see if you can answer this question :

"A train in Russia covers a distance of 600 kilometres in 4 hours . A bomber flies over a City in the Middle East and drops a huge bomb. A...

I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making

by making you an otter you can't defuse.

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