What did the suicide bombing instructor says to his trainees?

"Look carefully Son, I am gonna show this once"

What did the Reddit user say after detonating a bomb inside a bank?

Edit: Wow! This blew up and thanks for the Gold kind strangers!!

If "womb" is pronounced "woom", "tomb" is pronounced "toom" then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced

"BOOM"



I hope that blew your minds

What did the cook say to the bomb defuse technician?

We are running out of Thyme.

I made a bomb today with the help of my Twitch viewers!

"Wow this really blew up! Thanks guys!"

So I asked a bomb defusion specialist about the stresses of his job...

...he said there aren't any because either he's right or it's suddenly not his problem.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After having their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough,...

...as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly al...

What do you get when you put a bomb in a bada-Bing?

Bada-Bing-bada-boom!

An airplane dropped a shipment of oranges, knives and bombs onto an island......

He then proceeds to land the plane to retrieve the items. While walking down the road, he notices a beggar laughing with joy. He asks him, "Why are you laughing?" The beggar responds, "I was walking down the road and oranges fell from heaven!"

After getting the oranges, he continued walking ...

If "womb" is pronounced "woom", "tomb" is pronounced "toom" then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced

"BOOM"

I hope that blew your minds

Two newspaper bosses are sent into a huge bank vault and find it stacked to the ceiling with piles of 24-karat bars. They can keep them for good, but only if they are able to diffuse a bomb first...

Editor 1: Thanks for the gold.

Editor 2: This blew up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Someone just shoved a bomb into a bull's ass.

Just abominable.

Did you hear about the terrorist who strapped bombs loaded with Coronavirus to his chest?

He blew up and went viral.

Where did sally go during the bombing?

Everywhere

How do you defuse a time bomb?

Help i need answers really qui

Suicide bombing is one of my favorite pastimes.

Once you try it, you'll never go back.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl

You have to drop the bomb twice before she finally gets it

Why can't you trust a duck with bomb defusal?

They quack under pressure.

I tried to make a living as a comedian, but I constantly bombed every sets.

So I joined Al Qaeda instead.

“You’re the bomb!” “No, you’re the bomb!”

In America, a compliment.

In the Middle East, an argument.

I hate planting bombs now.

Everything is blown out of proportion.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Job Interview

A guy goes into the US postal service to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"OK, have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."

Th...

What do you call a fruit with bomb?

POMOGRENADE

I like my coffee how I like bombs

Arabic

Scientists have invented a bomb that explodes when the temperature hits absolute zero

It's called the "0K Boomer".

Donald Trump is visiting a school

He enters one of the classrooms and asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a tragedy.

One little boy stands up and says, "If my best friend was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy."

"No", says Trump. "That would be an ACC...

Suicide Bombing School

Imagine a school where suicide bombing Is being taught, the teachers would say to the students.
.
Please, pay attention, I'm only going to do this once!

Did you hear about the guy selling bombs disguised as prayer mats?

Prophets were going through the roof

There was three guys and they decided to chuck something out of an aeroplane. The first guy dropped out a dagger. The second guy dropped out a boulder and the third guy dropped out a bomb. The first guy went home and he saw his dad crying in the yard and he asked his dad “what’s wrong?”

The dad says “a dagger fell out of the sky and hit my wife on the head and now she’s dead.

The second guy went home and it’s the same story, he asks his dad “what’s wrong?”

“A boulder fell out of the sky and hit my wife in the head and now she’s dead”

The third guy got home, a...

There is a ticking time bomb...

what did you expect this to blow up?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbour, get outta here."

The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour...

I've wondered what atom bombs were made of, my friend summarized it for me.

"Atoms."

Did you hear about the bomb that went off in the Newcastle terrarium?

It was turtle annihilation

If the ISIS decided to suicide bomb in Hawaii

will they shout "allahu akbar" or "aloha akbar?

What did the explosives specialist say when he was about to hit the switch on his first bomb?

Please let this blow up

What did the bullet say to the bomb?

OK Boomer.

A basketball player, a Mexican, and a terrorist are all on a plane. Long

The plane is going super slow so they all got rid of some weight. The basketball player said, "I have a ton of basketballs, I don't need this many," and threw some off the plane. The Mexican said, "I have a ton of tacos, I don't need this many," and threw some off the plane. The terrorist said, "I h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got arrested and put on a watch-list at an air port.

All i did was yell "This shit is the bomb!" after trying a Snickers bar.

A jihadist tried stand-up comedy.

He bombed.

Where'd Sally go when the bomb went off?

In her pants.

What do you call an explosive cow in the winter?

An a-bomb-in-a-bull snowman!

I make bombs for a living

Business is booming

What are bombing instructors in Jihad camps getting tired of hearing?

"Ok Boomer"

COVID Humor

Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerato...

Why did Oppenheimer invent the atomic bomb?

Because he wanted the world to lighten up.

My grandpa survived both the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings.

Being in Australia helped.

I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making

by making you an otter you can't defuse.

I bought this old Russian car from a guy down the street from me... Little did I know it was fitted with a bomb and warning sound.

The explosion was like Lada-bing, Lada-Boom.

I had to put a bomb inside a bull today. So I guess you could say he’s

__*Abominable..*__

The terrorist behind the underwear bomb died today.

Which is good. Because no one likes a guy who goes off in his pants.

I was going to make a joke about a defective bomb.

But it probably won't blow up.

What do you get when you drop a nuclear bomb over Paris?

French fries.

What's the difference between 9/11 and the Oklahoma City Bombings?

Once again, foreigners can do it better, cheaper, and more efficiently.

I didn't know whether a small bomb belonged to me or my infant son who harvests coal for a living. So I asked:

"Is this minor mine mine or my minor miner's?"

An English man ,a Scott’s man ,and an Irish man got on a plane.

The English man had a brick the Scott’s man had a knife and the Irish man had a bomb.
Midway through the flight the English man dropped his brick and when he got home he found his mother crying in the garden. He asked what is wrong and she said your dad was sitting in the garden and it hit him ...

I'm trying to convince my cousin not to bring a bomb to school.

He thinks it'd be a real blast.

At work today we got a call saying there was a bomb in the building

So me being a security guard and my friend went to go check it out. They said it was a grey bag and when we found it we saw it was full of sandwiches.

Friend: “do you see any wires?”

Me: “no”

Friend: “is it ticking?”

Me: “no it’s cheese and ham”

I tried posting a joke about a malfunctioning bomb earlier

But it never blew up

When it comes to atomic bombs

You have to go double or nothing

Why did the statistician take a bomb on a plane?

Because the odds of there being 2 bombs on the plane was practically 0

How many super sayians does it take to skrew in a lightbulb?

Just one but it takes 54 episodes, 2 failed spirit bombs, Killins death and an exploding planet and will be continued next time...

Remember, if a Communist is blowing up something, it is not your bomb or my bomb

it Tsar bomb

Do you know why you should always bring a bomb in your hand luggage when you’re flying?

Because the chances of one person bringing a bomb, is very low.
But the chances of two people bringing a bomb, is almost impossible.

Why wont ISIS bomb my local Walmart?

...because its not a Target.

If you activate a bomb, how do you deactivate it?

Quick answers please.

A mathematician is afraid of flying due to small risk of a terrorist attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with him in his hand luggage.

“The probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero!”

Airport security agents do a great job preventing people smuggling bombs on their heads...

You've got to take your hat off to them.

Did you hear about that new terrorist movie?

It was a box office bomb

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish man and a Chinese man are in a bar.

Suddenly, the Jewish man punches the Chinese man in the face.

"Ow! Why did you do that?" asks he Chinese man.

"That's for Pearl Harbor," says the Jewish man.

"But the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. I'm Chinese!" says the Chinese man.

"Chinese, Japanese, what's the differen...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you ever learn about how the WWII Kamikaze pilots were chosen?

The bombing of Pear Harbor had been planned out a year in advance.

Until Japan put the plan into action they held studies on their pilots and soldiers

After some psychological tests they found the troops that were suicidal and were hoping being in war would get them killed

And ...

The odds of getting on a plane with a bomb on it are 950,000 to one -

The odds of getting on a plane with two bombs on it are closer to 700,000,000 to one So, to be safe, I always bring my own bomb.

S. W.

An explosives expert liked to blow up bombs beside the city's underground septic lines. One day, while planting a device, he made a fatal mistake...

The newspapers called him a sewer side bomber.

A man is driving along a country road and sees a sign; "$5 for talking dog, take next left."

Thinking this is some sort of joke, the man decides to check it out. So the man takes the left onto a a farm, and a farmer comes out.

F: You here about the dog?

M: Yeah, does the dog really talk?

F: Sure does, come here and I'll show ya.

The man and the farmer walk to the...

Teacher: What comes before 10?

Student: I have a bomb

My wife said she wanted new kitchen appliances or some new bath bombs for our anniversary.

I compromised and bought her a toaster.

I hear Marks and Spencer are embracing the wartime spirit.

Personally I think it's a step to far, bit if it takes bombing Germany then so be it.

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