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If "womb" is pronounced "woom", "tomb" is pronounced "toom" then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced

"BOOM"



I hope that blew your minds

If "womb" is pronounced "woom", "tomb" is pronounced "toom" then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced...

"BOOM"

I hope that blew your minds.

It would be r/funny if this post blows up.

I got fired from the bomb squad today :(

It's too bad really.....

I had a blast working there!

Where did Susie go when the bombs dropped?

She went everywhere

What do you call an Arab who has been injured in a bombing?

An ambulance, you racist!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandfather was a USAF pilot during the war. He personally flew 16 bombing runs over Japan, two of which were over Tokyo itself. But at the end of the war, they slung him out of the USAF. They didn't even give him his service medal.

I always thought he was hard done by. Everybody else in the Korean war got their service medal.

What did the Reddit user say after setting the bomb off in a bank?

Edit: Wow! This blew up , thanks for the Gold!!

What do you call a prehistoric bomb?

A stick of Dinomite.

A teacher asked the students a question about bombs, which left them stumped...

So, the teacher asked a new clear question.

A redditor is defusing a bomb.

EDIT: I didn't expect this to blow up!

I watched a documentary about the first test of the A-bomb.

It was a real blast from the past.

I just realized why all my abortion jokes bomb...

...because they never deliver.

*ba dum pish*

As opposed to dead baby jokes, which never get old.

After a bad day at work, where does a bomb technician go?

Everywhere

Zelensky and Putin meet in Belarus to discuss a possible armistice when a suddenly a bomb goes off

There is a lot of confusion and when security finally manages to get to the presidents, both of them are in a horrible shape and need to be put in an artificial coma.

After 10 years, they both wake up in the hospital and are visibly confused. No doctor or nurse was around, so they decide to p...

You Da Bomb! No, you Da Bomb!

In the US, a compliment.

In the middle east, an argument.

I’m in Ireland for St. Patrick’s day and asked for an Irish Car Bomb.

The bartender began berating me about how much of an uncultured American I am, how I shouldn’t even be allowed to drink with the Irish, and really ripping into me because I got the name wrong. Apparently in Ireland the drink is called a 9/11.

A bomb fell on the cemetery last night

Reporters say: all dead, no survivors

Bomb diffusal tech on being asked how he deals with the stress of the job

“It’s not stressful, I’m either right or it’s suddenly not my problem.”

What’s an Emo’s favourite type of bath Bomb?

A toaster

What's the difference between an ISIS K bomb maker and an Afghani aid worker?

How should I know I just fly the drone

What did the Big Boy Atomic Bomb say to the Nuclear Bomb when they met?

Nuke, I am your father.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A redneck birth control

After having the 10th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough since they could not afford another kid.

So the husband went to his doctor and told him the he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy th...

A suicide bombing instructor addresses a group of new recruits.

"All right lads pay attention cos I'm only gonna show you this once"

Why are Russians bombing cities

For the Ruble (this is my first, please don't kick me)

I don't understand why the police train up bomb dogs to work at the airport

They're all colourblind and always cut the wrong wire

Back in my day we had to fly those bombs to the target. They didn't ride on these fancy rockets.

Ok bomber.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Redneck vasectomy

After the birth of their 9th child, a redneck couple decided they'd had enough because they couldn’t afford a larger bed. The husband went to the veterinarian and asked to be snipped. "Me'n my cousin don't want no more kids"

The vet told him he could get a vasectomy, but it was expensive. "Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm Iranian and was forced to work the border near a Viagra bomb field.

I was stuck between Iraq and a hard place.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His co-pilot is Chinese.

His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together, and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.

Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, 'I don't like Chinese.'

'N...

Two Ukrainian spies have infiltrated into Moscow and have set up for their plot to kill Vladimir Putin.

They are laying in wait for Putin's private car to pass by, having planted a roadside bomb.

One says to the other, "He is supposed to arrive in 5 minutes. Is everything ready?".


"Yes."

An hour later, no car has passed by.


"Are you sure you got the time right?"...

If you find a bomb that blows up when stepped on, please let me know.

It's mine.

An American walks into an Irish pub, he asks the bartender for an Irish Car Bomb.

The bartender grimaces, "Excuse me?"

The man smiles, "It's a drink, you don't have those? Irish car bombs?"

The bartender lights up and replies, "Oh I have something similar, one moment!"

He then takes two tall shot glasses side by side, fills them with vodka, and lights them af...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A suicide bomb instructor is training a class.

Ok!! Everybody! Pay very close attention now! I can only demonstrate this once!!!

A farm was bombed and only one cow survived.

All the udders died.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My history teacher told us that if a nuclear bomb was closely approaching, being flexible would be very helpful.

It's so that you can bend your body and kiss your ass goodbye.

what do you call a terrorist shrimp?

A bomb in-acean

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes into the US Postal Services to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?" He replies, "Yes - coffee." "Have you ever been in the military service? "Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years." The interviewer says,"That will give you 5 extra points towards employment." Then he asks,"Are you disabled in any wa...

What do you get when you drop a bomb in a French kitchen?

Linoleum Blownapart.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cows and ideologies (long)

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots...

Even a broken bomb timer is right once

Then never again

My sandwich had a bomb inside

I think I might have explosive diarrhoea

It is 1939 and the Soviet army is marching onwards to Finland.

As they pass the border, they hear a Finnish voice over the hill;


"One Finnish soldier is better than 10 Soviet soldiers!"

The Soviet general laughs, as he sends 10 men on the hill to capture it. There is gunfire for a minute and then everything goes silent for a moment, and they ...

A man drops a brick, a knife, and a bomb out of the window of a helicopter.

Joe has decided to go for a walk in the park. As he travels the park, he sees a kid crying. Concerned, he asks what's wrong. The kid says, "A brick fell and landed on my foot!". After making sure the kid was okay, Joe keeps walking. Soon, he sees a kid who is pale as a ghost. Concerned, he asks what...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Visiting the brothel

A man who’d lost his wife a while back was tired of being lonely and decided to visit a brothel for some companionship.

The madam sent him upstairs with one of the girls who asked him what he was looking for.

The guy said that he’d been married to the same woman for years and that thei...

I Can't stop watching doomsday films like The End of the World (1916), The War of the Worlds (1953), Strangelove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), The day the Earth stood still (1951) The Omega Man (1971)

It's like there's no tomorrow.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just saw a clip of some Ukrainians making Molotov cocktails using empty bottles of Jager. They’re making…

….JAGER BOMBS!!

The chances of a bomb being on your plane is one in 300 million, but the chances of two bombs being on your plane is one in 60 billion...

which is why, when I fly, I always carry a bomb.

Which car does a terrorist choose to plant a car bomb?

A Citroën C4.

Bomb Jokes

Are you a bomb? Cause I'd like to get away from you!

Why did Zelensky become a comedian?

He wasn’t afraid of bombing.

The military has invented a new missile that turns everything in its vicinity to gold

They’re calling it the Automic bomb

Why wont ISIS bomb my local Walmart?

...because its not a Target.

Air Force weatherman

So, my uncle Mark was a weatherman for the air force and one day during a briefing, the Colonel said, "I think we should all thank Mark here for the wonderful weather that we've been having for our bombing runs."
So my uncle says, "I'm in prediction, not production. I think we need to thank the ...

What did the English general say after a successful bombing raid on a city in southern France?

Be careful. At this point, they don't have much Toulouse.

My sister asked for a bath bomb for her birthday, so I gave her a toaster.

Same thing if you think about it.

A nuclear bomb was dropped on Alabama

One family was killed

What did the late bomb squad technician say about his recently popular Reddit post?

I did not expect this to blow up.

What did Selensky think when he quit Comedy to become the Ukranian president?

"I am so done with bombing!"

Remember when some guy put a bomb in his shoe and tried to get on an airplane?

Now we all have to remove our shoes just to get past security and get on a flight. I wish that had been a woman with a bomb in her bra.

I always bring a bomb with me on an airplane

Because the probability of there being *two* bombs on an airplane is nearly zero.

Why are color blind people not allowed to join the Air Force?

Because they won’t know who they’re supposed to bomb.

Since Russia took away Ukraine's Nuclear Bombs, what do they have now

Depleted Ukranium

Scientists have invented a bomb that explodes when the temperature hits absolute zero

It's called the "0K Boomer"

Yesterday was my first day on the job defusing bombs, and I had to cut some wires

Turns out, I’m colorblind

A crazy scientist asked strangers on Reddit to help him make a bomb

Edit: Wow this exploded! I didn't expect that, Thank you guys!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bomb went off near Hitler and some shrapnel got in his eyes. He went to the optometrist and when asked why Day was wrong he said

I can Nazi

How do you defuse a time bomb?

Help i need answers really qui

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Someone just shoved a bomb into a bull's ass.

Just abominable.

Why shouldn't you start a war with a comedian?

They have a lot of experience with bombing.

Three men are sitting on an airplane.

One has a a banana, one has a skateboard, and one has a bomb. The first one peels the banana, eats the banana, and throws the peel out the window. The second man just throws the skateboard out the window. The last man lights the fuse on his bomb and throws it out the window.

When they arrive ...

A bomb just went off in a paris cheese shop

There is de brie everywhere!

I had to use a yardstick to stop a bomb explosion...

Drastic times call for drastic measures

You hear about the Polish terrorist at the spa?

He came in with bath bombs strapped to his chest

What did the clean Uranium bomb say to the DIRTY plutonium bomb?

P u

So yesterday there was a bomb at my school

It was a blast!

A joke my Polish friend loved.

[Full of errors I'm sure. On to the brilliant joke.]

A polish farmeris tilling his field. It's another beautiful spring day when suddenly his plough hits something. Upon inspection he sees that it's some sort of golden lamp. He dusts it off and a genie comes out of it and says to the humble p...

What does a redditor in the military say when his station is bombed?

Damn, this post blew up

IAMA professional bomb diffuser. Ask me anything.

edit: wow, this blew up

If you say AT&T backwards

You sound like a Canadian Bomb Technician.

What is a suicide bomber's greatest fear?

Dying alone

What happens if your cake day bomb ends the world?

Karmageddon.

Did you hear about the two atomic bombs that got into an argument?

They had a fallout.

The odds of getting on a plane with a bomb on it are 950,000 to one -

The odds of getting on a plane with two bombs on it are closer to 700,000,000 to one So, to be safe, I always bring my own bomb.

S. W.

With all the bombings in Kabul, Afghanistan, authorities are planning to rename the city

They’re aiming for Kabum

Bomb Compliments

“You da bomb!”

“No, you da bomb!”

It’s a compliment in America but an argument in Al Quaida meeting.

I've spent my life savings building the world's first Apathy Bomb and it just blew up in my face.

And here I am posting OC on r/jokes. Stupid thing didn't even work.

What’s the easiest way to sneak a bomb onto a plane?

Buy a galaxy note 7

There was three guys and they decided to chuck something out of an aeroplane. The first guy dropped out a dagger. The second guy dropped out a boulder and the third guy dropped out a bomb. The first guy went home and he saw his dad crying in the yard and he asked his dad “what’s wrong?”

The dad says “a dagger fell out of the sky and hit my wife on the head and now she’s dead.

The second guy went home and it’s the same story, he asks his dad “what’s wrong?”

“A boulder fell out of the sky and hit my wife in the head and now she’s dead”

The third guy got home, a...

Why can't you trust a duck with bomb defusal?

They quack under pressure.

A mathematician is afraid of flying because of the risk of a terrorist bombing it in mid air. So he takes a bomb in his hand baggage

"The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero.

I made a bomb today with the help of my Twitch viewers!

"Wow this really blew up! Thanks guys!"

Two newspaper bosses are sent into a huge bank vault and find it stacked to the ceiling with piles of 24-karat bars. They can keep them for good, but only if they are able to diffuse a bomb first...

Editor 1: Thanks for the gold.

Editor 2: This blew up.

I was going to make a joke about a defective bomb.

But it probably won't blow up.

I had to put a bomb inside a bull today. So I guess you could say he’s

__*Abominable..*__

Half Italian, half Irish?

Call that *Spaghetti alla* car-bomb-*ara*

What do you get when you put a bomb in a bada-Bing?

Bada-Bing-bada-boom!

Why did Oppenheimer invent the atomic bomb?

Because he wanted the world to lighten up.

Did you hear about the guy selling bombs disguised as prayer mats?

Prophets were going through the roof

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