What did the robber say after detonating a bomb inside a bank?

EDIT: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!

I had to put a bomb inside a bull today. So I guess you could say he’s

__*Abominable..*__

Did you hear about the guy selling bombs disguised as prayer mats?

Prophets were going through the roof

I was going to make a joke about a defective bomb.

But it probably won't blow up.

I make bombs for a living

Business is booming

When it comes to atomic bombs

You have to go double or nothing

I'm trying to convince my cousin not to bring a bomb to school.

He thinks it'd be a real blast.

What do you get when you drop a nuclear bomb over Paris?

French fries.

“You’re the bomb!” “No, you’re the bomb!”

In America, a compliment.

In the Middle East, an argument.

Charles, Angus and Patrick are in a helicopter when the pilot informs them they are losing altitude.

Desperately, they throw out whatever they have on them. Charles throws out his teapot, Angus throws out his bagpipes and Patrick throws out a bomb. The helicopter recovers and they land safely.

When Charles gets home, he finds his father in the garden crying. When he asks him what happened, ...

Why did the statistician take a bomb on a plane?

Because the odds of there being 2 bombs on the plane was practically 0

Do you know why you should always bring a bomb in your hand luggage when you’re flying?

Because the chances of one person bringing a bomb, is very low.
But the chances of two people bringing a bomb, is almost impossible.

Where does the suicide bomber go after dying?

All over the place

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate having to break up with Japanese women

You have to drop the bombshell twice before they get the point

Anyone hear about the Mexican train bomber?

They say he had loco motives.

I stop my microwave at 0:01

to feel like a bomb disposal expert.

I tried posting a joke about a malfunctioning bomb earlier

But it never blew up

Remember, if a Communist is blowing up something, it is not your bomb or my bomb

it Tsar bomb

What did the Iraqis say when when an American plane dropped a bomb on a bank accidentally during the Gulf War?

Whoa! This has blown up. Thanks for the gold and silver kind strangers!

Where do suicide bombers go after they die?

Everywhere.

Airport security agents do a great job preventing people smuggling bombs on their heads...

You've got to take your hat off to them.

A suicide bombing instructor stood up in front of the class.

He said, "Now pay attention. I'm only going to show you this once."

Redneck vasectomy

After the birth of their 9th child, a redneck couple decided they'd had enough because they couldn’t afford a larger bed. The husband went to the veterinarian and asked to be snipped. "Me'n my cousin don't want no more kids"

The vet told him he could get a vasectomy, but it was expensive. "Th...

A terrorist walks into a store

"How much for this bomb?" he asks.

"$500", said the clerk.

"Will you take $450?" asks the terrorist.

"I'm sorry sir," replies the clerk, "We don't negotiate with terrorists."

An explosives expert liked to blow up bombs beside the city's underground septic lines. One day, while planting a device, he made a fatal mistake...

The newspapers called him a sewer side bomber.

If you activate a bomb, how do you deactivate it?

Quick answers please.

What do you call a bomb in a bull?

Abominable

My wife said she wanted new kitchen appliances or some new bath bombs for our anniversary.

I compromised and bought her a toaster.

The military has announced they are going to bomb Syria off the map.

They are naming the bombs "Son of Sam" and "Jack the Ripper."

They're Syria killers.

Did you hear about the failed Canadian plot to bomb Mexico with a nuclear missile?

It went south fast.

My girlfriend is the star of the local police department’s bomb squad.

When asked what is her secret to such skilled techniques, she responded:

“Plenty of practice every night with a short fuse and explosions that go off early.”

A mathematician is afraid of flying due to small risk of a terrorist attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with him in his hand luggage.

“The probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero!”

A man is driving along a country road and sees a sign; "$5 for talking dog, take next left."

Thinking this is some sort of joke, the man decides to check it out. So the man takes the left onto a a farm, and a farmer comes out.

F: You here about the dog?

M: Yeah, does the dog really talk?

F: Sure does, come here and I'll show ya.

The man and the farmer walk to the...

What do you call a soldier who survived pepper spray and then a mustard bomb attack?

A seasoned veteran.

Dogs are great at sniffing out bombs but terrible at defusing them.

They always end up cutting the grey wire.

[BREAKING NEWS] A bomb has just exploded in a Paris cheese shop.

Eyewitnesses report there is currently de Brie all over the place.

Dave walks into a bar and sees President Donald Trump and Vice-President Mike Pence at a table, deep in discussion.

He doesn’t want to interrupt, but they see him, invite him over and they soon get to talking.

“We’re on track to bomb the Middle East,” excitedly claims the President. “We’re going to reduce those towelheads to a shadow of their former numbers. We’re going to kill 3 million Syrians, 4 millio...

As a colour blind bomb technician

You only defuse a bomb once

A Redditor is trying to make a bomb in their garage, but it wont detonate so they decide to make some changes

Edit: wow this blew up

"Now cut the red wire to defuse the bomb, sir" said the defusing expert calmly to me over the phone

What an explosive way to find out you're colourblind.

Bad part about being a bomb disposal technician.....

It takes me 6 hours to open my Christmas presents.

Where did Mary go when the bomb went off?

Everywhere.

what does it feel like to join a suicide bomb squad?

I don't know, you'll have to C4 yourself!

What do you call a French conqueror who stands too close to a bomb?

Napoleon Blown-apart

The odds of getting on a plane with a bomb on it are 950,000 to one -

The odds of getting on a plane with two bombs on it are closer to 700,000,000 to one So, to be safe, I always bring my own bomb.

S. W.

Why wont ISIS bomb my local Walmart?

...because its not a Target.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Japan bomb Pearl Harbor?

Because someone asked for supplies

I'm so tired of racial stereotypes. Not every Arab makes bombs...

Some of them make Slurpees

What size envelope do you need to send a letter bomb?

C4

Did you hear about the bomb that went off in the cheese factory?

All that was left was da-*brie*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Japanese ex-girlfriend kept trying to get back with me

I had to drop the bomb twice before she finally gave up.

There was a terrorist with a bomb attached to his bowels.

He had explosive diarrhea.

I think the $250 million we spent on bombs for Syria would have been better going to schools in our own country

Then there wouldn’t be any teachers left to give raises to.

A Statistician Refuses to Fly

His friend asks him, "Why do you have this irrational fear of flying?"

"Irrational?" the statistician replies, "Not at all. I've merely calculated the odds of a bomb being placed on a plane and it's much too high for my comfort."

A few days later, the friend boarded a flight only to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese chick?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

It bombs

What happens when you tell a joke backwards?

2 guys are hiding a bomb under a car.

Guy 1 - What if the bomb goes off while we're still under the car.

Guy 2 - Don't worry, I've got a second one in my backpack.

If 'womb' is pronounced as 'woom' and 'tomb, as' 'toom'

Shouldn't 'bomb' be pronounced 'boom'?

Two terrorists are in a car, driving to bomb some place.

One had a bomb on his lap, the other was driving. The car went over a speed bumper too fast.

"Hey, watch it, Joe! You are gonna set this bomb off!"

"Relax, dude, we have a spare one in the trunk."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bloke walks into a pet shop and places a bomb on the counter and says ” you’ve got one minute to get out”

A tortoise in the back shouts ” you bastard!”

Never take a nuclear bomb to church.

That could become a critical mass.

Talked with a former officer in the Bomb Disposal Unit

I asked him how he dealt with the stress of the job?

"Never had any stress with it." he said

When I asked how come, he said, "It's easy. I either get it right, or it's suddenly not my problem anymore."

Did you hear about the bomb in South America?

Everything around it blew up into a Bolivian.

What do you call a bomb made of cows

A mooclear missile

What is a suicide bomber's greatest fear?

Dying alone.

Where did Sally go during the school bombing?

Everywhere.

I did an exam on marijuana and ballistic weaponry.

Scored high on the first part, but bombed the second.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When people tell me that the U.S. made the first hydrogen bomb, I always have to correct them...

It was obviously the Nazis with their *Hindenburg*.

I Recently opened up a Bomb shop.

Business has been booming lately!

There were three guys who decided they would bring gifts to the queen. The first guy brought a sack of apples, the second guy brought a sack of oranges, and the third guy brought a bomb.

On their way there, the plane started crashing down, so the first guy lands with his parachute and sees this kid crying he asked, “what’s wrong?” The kid says, “a sack of apples fell from the sky and hit my mom in the head,” the guy apologizes and walks away.

The second guy lands and sees thi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Roosevelt say after the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor?

I won't stand for this.

So the US Military dropped a 22,000 lb bomb on ISIS today.

That moves Amy Shumer's special to the second spot for largest bomb for the year.

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