There was three guys and they decided to chuck something out of an aeroplane. The first guy dropped out a dagger. The second guy dropped out a boulder and the third guy dropped out a bomb. The first guy went home and he saw his dad crying in the yard and he asked his dad “what’s wrong?”

The dad says “a dagger fell out of the sky and hit my wife on the head and now she’s dead.

The second guy went home and it’s the same story, he asks his dad “what’s wrong?”

“A boulder fell out of the sky and hit my wife in the head and now she’s dead”

The third guy got home, a...

Did you hear about the guy selling bombs disguised as prayer mats?

Prophets were going through the roof

If "womb" is pronounced "woom", "tomb" is pronounced "toom" then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced

"BOOM"



I hope that blew your minds

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Someone just shoved a bomb into a bull's ass.

Just abominable.

If the ISIS decided to suicide bomb in Hawaii

will they shout "allahu akbar" or "aloha akbar?

What did the reddit user say after detonating a bomb inside a bank?

EDIT: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!

I was going to make a joke about a defective bomb.

But it probably won't blow up.

I bought this old Russian car from a guy down the street from me... Little did I know it was fitted with a bomb and warning sound.

The explosion was like Lada-bing, Lada-Boom.

Why did Oppenheimer invent the atomic bomb?

Because he wanted the world to lighten up.

My grandpa survived both the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings.

Being in Australia helped.

“You’re the bomb!” “No, you’re the bomb!”

In America, a compliment.

In the Middle East, an argument.

What do you get when you drop a nuclear bomb over Paris?

French fries.

The terrorist behind the underwear bomb died today.

Which is good. Because no one likes a guy who goes off in his pants.

What's the difference between 9/11 and the Oklahoma City Bombings?

Once again, foreigners can do it better, cheaper, and more efficiently.

I make bombs for a living

Business is booming

Where did Sally go after the bombing?

Everywhere.

I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making

by making you an otter you can't defuse.

I had to put a bomb inside a bull today. So I guess you could say he’s

__*Abominable..*__

I came up with a joke about an unreliable bomb

Chances are it won't blow up

When it comes to atomic bombs

You have to go double or nothing

Airport security agents do a great job preventing people smuggling bombs on their heads...

You've got to take your hat off to them.

I tried posting a joke about a malfunctioning bomb earlier

But it never blew up

Why did the statistician take a bomb on a plane?

Because the odds of there being 2 bombs on the plane was practically 0

Do you know why you should always bring a bomb in your hand luggage when you’re flying?

Because the chances of one person bringing a bomb, is very low.
But the chances of two people bringing a bomb, is almost impossible.

Remember, if a Communist is blowing up something, it is not your bomb or my bomb

it Tsar bomb

If you activate a bomb, how do you deactivate it?

Quick answers please.

A man is driving along a country road and sees a sign; "$5 for talking dog, take next left."

Thinking this is some sort of joke, the man decides to check it out. So the man takes the left onto a a farm, and a farmer comes out.

F: You here about the dog?

M: Yeah, does the dog really talk?

F: Sure does, come here and I'll show ya.

The man and the farmer walk to the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A suicide bombing instructor stood up in front of the class.

He said, "Now pay attention. I'm only going to show you this once."

A mathematician is afraid of flying due to small risk of a terrorist attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with him in his hand luggage.

“The probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The interviewer asked him to follow one rule.

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?”

He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”

“Have you ever been in the military service?”

“Yes” he says, “I was in Iraq for two years.”

The interviewer says,...

An explosives expert liked to blow up bombs beside the city's underground septic lines. One day, while planting a device, he made a fatal mistake...

The newspapers called him a sewer side bomber.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

My wife said she wanted new kitchen appliances or some new bath bombs for our anniversary.

I compromised and bought her a toaster.

What are bath bombs for suicidal people?

Toasters!

Bean Disaster

During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't). When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A British pilot was shot down behind enemy lines...

A British fighter pilot was shot down over German occupied airspace and was captured by the Nazis on the ground.

He was beaten up pretty bad in the dogfight and parachute landing, and they had to amputate his leg, so he begged them "Please, if you have to take my leg, can you drop it over my...

What do you call a soldier who survived pepper spray and then a mustard bomb attack?

A seasoned veteran.

The military has announced they are going to bomb Syria off the map.

They are naming the bombs "Son of Sam" and "Jack the Ripper."

They're Syria killers.

Did you hear about the failed Canadian plot to bomb Mexico with a nuclear missile?

It went south fast.

My girlfriend is the star of the local police department’s bomb squad.

When asked what is her secret to such skilled techniques, she responded:

“Plenty of practice every night with a short fuse and explosions that go off early.”

Charles, Angus and Patrick are in a helicopter when the pilot informs them they are losing altitude.

Desperately, they throw out whatever they have on them. Charles throws out his teapot, Angus throws out his bagpipes and Patrick throws out a bomb. The helicopter recovers and they land safely.

When Charles gets home, he finds his father in the garden crying. When he asks him what happened, ...

When in the Middle East, I found out that Google alters your search results depending on where you are.

I also found out how to make a bath bomb that will absolutely blow you away!

As a colour blind bomb technician

You only defuse a bomb once

How did osama bin laden do on his history exam?

He bombed it.

[BREAKING NEWS] A bomb has just exploded in a Paris cheese shop.

Eyewitnesses report there is currently de Brie all over the place.

Terrorist comedians.

They can bomb and kill at the same time.

"Now cut the red wire to defuse the bomb, sir" said the defusing expert calmly to me over the phone

What an explosive way to find out you're colourblind.

If at first you don't succeed,

The bomb squad is not the job for you

Where did Mary go when the bomb went off?

Everywhere.

Why wont ISIS bomb my local Walmart?

...because its not a Target.

Where does the suicide bomber go after dying?

All over the place

A Redditor is trying to make a bomb in their garage, but it wont detonate so they decide to make some changes

Edit: wow this blew up

Bad part about being a bomb disposal technician.....

It takes me 6 hours to open my Christmas presents.

what does it feel like to join a suicide bomb squad?

I don't know, you'll have to C4 yourself!

Anyone hear about the Mexican train bomber?

They say he had loco motives.

You've never partied till you've partied with a terrorist.

Because they the bomb.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Japan bomb Pearl Harbor?

Because someone asked for supplies

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate having to break up with Japanese women

You have to drop the bombshell twice before they get the point

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Japanese photobomb?

Hiroshima.

I stop my microwave at 0:01

to feel like a bomb disposal expert.

The odds of getting on a plane with a bomb on it are 950,000 to one -

The odds of getting on a plane with two bombs on it are closer to 700,000,000 to one So, to be safe, I always bring my own bomb.

S. W.

What do you call a French conqueror who stands too close to a bomb?

Napoleon Blown-apart

The head instructor at the Al-Qaeda's training camp starts his lesson on suicide bombing...

"Now listen up closely everyone, I'm only gonna be showing this once".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the hardest part of having a "it's not working" conversation with your japanese girlfriend?

You need to drop the bomb twice

After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...

...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:

"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages suicide bom...

There were too many suicide bombings happening in Iraq.

I think it is fair to call it abomination.

Decrease the odds of terrorism on a plane

The odds of a suicide bomber being on your plane are 1 in 10 million.

The odds of two random unrelated suicide bombers on the same plane are virtually impossible.

So if you want to guarantee that you won’t die from another suicide bomber on your flight then you should wear a bomb.

What size envelope do you need to send a letter bomb?

C4

Did you hear about the bomb that went off in the cheese factory?

All that was left was da-*brie*

I think the $250 million we spent on bombs for Syria would have been better going to schools in our own country

Then there wouldn’t be any teachers left to give raises to.

A blonde joke a friend told me sometime ago (I'm sorry if this offends you)

Three women named Katie, Rachel and Karen, our blonde protagonist, attempted to rob the local bank.

Katie explained the plan to both of them. They went through it once again and then left for the bank.

While Karen went inside the bank, Rachel waited in the driver's seat and Katie was l...

2 guys are hiding a bomb under a car.

Guy 1 - What if the bomb goes off while we're still under the car.

Guy 2 - Don't worry, I've got a second one in my backpack.

I'm so tired of racial stereotypes. Not every Arab makes bombs...

Some of them make Slurpees

It bombs

What happens when you tell a joke backwards?

There was a terrorist with a bomb attached to his bowels.

He had explosive diarrhea.

Did you hear about the bombing at the garment factory?

Apparently there were over 100 casual tees.

Two terrorists are in a car, driving to bomb some place.

One had a bomb on his lap, the other was driving. The car went over a speed bumper too fast.

"Hey, watch it, Joe! You are gonna set this bomb off!"

"Relax, dude, we have a spare one in the trunk."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bloke walks into a pet shop and places a bomb on the counter and says ” you’ve got one minute to get out”

A tortoise in the back shouts ” you bastard!”

There are three rockstars on a plane

There are three rockstars on a plane. To celebrate the success of their recent tour they each decided to throw something out of the plane. The first throws a watermelon, the second throws yogurt, and the third throws a bomb. When they land they decide to go on a walk. The come across a boy in his ya...

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