If "womb" is pronounced "woom", "tomb" is pronounced "toom" then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced

"BOOM"



I hope that blew your minds

What did the reddit user say after detonating a bomb inside a bank?

EDIT: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!

I asked an EOD guy about the stress of bomb defusing.

He shrugged and said: "Its not. I'm either right or suddenly its not my problem any more."

There was three guys and they decided to chuck something out of an aeroplane. The first guy dropped out a dagger. The second guy dropped out a boulder and the third guy dropped out a bomb. The first guy went home and he saw his dad crying in the yard and he asked his dad “what’s wrong?”

The dad says “a dagger fell out of the sky and hit my wife on the head and now she’s dead.

The second guy went home and it’s the same story, he asks his dad “what’s wrong?”

“A boulder fell out of the sky and hit my wife in the head and now she’s dead”

The third guy got home, a...

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Someone just shoved a bomb into a bull's ass.

Just abominable.

Did you hear about the guy selling bombs disguised as prayer mats?

Prophets were going through the roof

“You’re the bomb!” “No, you’re the bomb!”

In America, a compliment.

In the Middle East, an argument.

Did you hear about the bomb that went off in the Newcastle terrarium?

It was turtle annihilation

What did the explosives specialist say when he was about to hit the switch on his first bomb?

Please let this blow up

What did the bullet say to the bomb?

OK Boomer.

If the ISIS decided to suicide bomb in Hawaii

will they shout "allahu akbar" or "aloha akbar?

Where'd Sally go when the bomb went off?

In her pants.

I was going to make a joke about a defective bomb.

But it probably won't blow up.

What are bombing instructors in Jihad camps getting tired of hearing?

"Ok Boomer"

I bought this old Russian car from a guy down the street from me... Little did I know it was fitted with a bomb and warning sound.

The explosion was like Lada-bing, Lada-Boom.

I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making

by making you an otter you can't defuse.

Why did Oppenheimer invent the atomic bomb?

Because he wanted the world to lighten up.

The terrorist behind the underwear bomb died today.

Which is good. Because no one likes a guy who goes off in his pants.

My grandpa survived both the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings.

Being in Australia helped.

I came up with a joke about an unreliable bomb

Chances are it won't blow up

I had to put a bomb inside a bull today. So I guess you could say he’s

__*Abominable..*__

I make bombs for a living

Business is booming

What's the difference between 9/11 and the Oklahoma City Bombings?

Once again, foreigners can do it better, cheaper, and more efficiently.

What do you get when you drop a nuclear bomb over Paris?

French fries.

At work today we got a call saying there was a bomb in the building

So me being a security guard and my friend went to go check it out. They said it was a grey bag and when we found it we saw it was full of sandwiches.

Friend: “do you see any wires?”

Me: “no”

Friend: “is it ticking?”

Me: “no it’s cheese and ham”

I'm trying to convince my cousin not to bring a bomb to school.

He thinks it'd be a real blast.

When it comes to atomic bombs

You have to go double or nothing

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A suicide bombing instructor stood up in front of the class.

He said, "Now pay attention. I'm only going to show you this once."

I tried posting a joke about a malfunctioning bomb earlier

But it never blew up

Why did the statistician take a bomb on a plane?

Because the odds of there being 2 bombs on the plane was practically 0

Do you know why you should always bring a bomb in your hand luggage when you’re flying?

Because the chances of one person bringing a bomb, is very low.
But the chances of two people bringing a bomb, is almost impossible.

Remember, if a Communist is blowing up something, it is not your bomb or my bomb

it Tsar bomb

What did the Iraqis say when when an American plane dropped a bomb on a bank accidentally during the Gulf War?

Whoa! This has blown up. Thanks for the gold and silver kind strangers!

The aircraft carrier captain saw a light

"Tell the signalman to warn that boat to turn to port to avoid a collision."

But the light flashes back "*YOU* turn to port to avoid a collision."

The captain, incensed, sends the message "This is a 200 kiloton aircraft carrier with 50 war planes, atomic bombs and cruise missiles! ...

Airport security agents do a great job preventing people smuggling bombs on their heads...

You've got to take your hat off to them.

A man is driving along a country road and sees a sign; "$5 for talking dog, take next left."

Thinking this is some sort of joke, the man decides to check it out. So the man takes the left onto a a farm, and a farmer comes out.

F: You here about the dog?

M: Yeah, does the dog really talk?

F: Sure does, come here and I'll show ya.

The man and the farmer walk to the...

If you activate a bomb, how do you deactivate it?

Quick answers please.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys were on a plane

Three guys were on a plane to try skydiving. The 1st guy throws an apple and jumps out. He lands to find a child crying. He asks the child what was wrong.
The child says "an apple came from the sky an hit me on the head" the man apologises
The second guy throws a banana and jumps....

A mathematician is afraid of flying due to small risk of a terrorist attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with him in his hand luggage.

“The probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero!”

Junior Terrorist

A junior terrorist is thinking of ways to revolutionize the ways terrorism is done and has many ideas ranging from cyber-attacks to psychological warfare to biochemical strikes. The junior terrorist brings these ideas to the senior terrorist that has been with the organization for decades.
T...

An explosives expert liked to blow up bombs beside the city's underground septic lines. One day, while planting a device, he made a fatal mistake...

The newspapers called him a sewer side bomber.

What are bath bombs for suicidal people?

Toasters!

My wife said she wanted new kitchen appliances or some new bath bombs for our anniversary.

I compromised and bought her a toaster.

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The interviewer asked him to follow one rule.

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?”

He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”

“Have you ever been in the military service?”

“Yes” he says, “I was in Iraq for two years.”

The interviewer says,...

A Statistician is caught trying to sneak a bomb on a plane....

When asked why he would do such a thing, he replied:

"To reduce the probability of a bomb being on the plane"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

What do you call a soldier who survived pepper spray and then a mustard bomb attack?

A seasoned veteran.

The military has announced they are going to bomb Syria off the map.

They are naming the bombs "Son of Sam" and "Jack the Ripper."

They're Syria killers.

Why wont ISIS bomb my local Walmart?

...because its not a Target.

My girlfriend is the star of the local police department’s bomb squad.

When asked what is her secret to such skilled techniques, she responded:

“Plenty of practice every night with a short fuse and explosions that go off early.”

Did you hear about the failed Canadian plot to bomb Mexico with a nuclear missile?

It went south fast.

Dogs are great at sniffing out bombs but terrible at defusing them.

They always end up cutting the grey wire.

[BREAKING NEWS] A bomb has just exploded in a Paris cheese shop.

Eyewitnesses report there is currently de Brie all over the place.

A Redditor is trying to make a bomb in their garage, but it wont detonate so they decide to make some changes

Edit: wow this blew up

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A British pilot was shot down behind enemy lines...

A British fighter pilot was shot down over German occupied airspace and was captured by the Nazis on the ground.

He was beaten up pretty bad in the dogfight and parachute landing, and they had to amputate his leg, so he begged them "Please, if you have to take my leg, can you drop it over my...

"Now cut the red wire to defuse the bomb, sir" said the defusing expert calmly to me over the phone

What an explosive way to find out you're colourblind.

The odds of getting on a plane with a bomb on it are 950,000 to one -

The odds of getting on a plane with two bombs on it are closer to 700,000,000 to one So, to be safe, I always bring my own bomb.

S. W.

Bean Disaster

During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't). When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he wa...

Charles, Angus and Patrick are in a helicopter when the pilot informs them they are losing altitude.

Desperately, they throw out whatever they have on them. Charles throws out his teapot, Angus throws out his bagpipes and Patrick throws out a bomb. The helicopter recovers and they land safely.

When Charles gets home, he finds his father in the garden crying. When he asks him what happened, ...

Bad part about being a bomb disposal technician.....

It takes me 6 hours to open my Christmas presents.

what does it feel like to join a suicide bomb squad?

I don't know, you'll have to C4 yourself!

What do you call a French conqueror who stands too close to a bomb?

Napoleon Blown-apart

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Japan bomb Pearl Harbor?

Because someone asked for supplies

Where does the suicide bomber go after dying?

All over the place

Anyone hear about the Mexican train bomber?

They say he had loco motives.

The head instructor at the Al-Qaeda's training camp starts his lesson on suicide bombing...

"Now listen up closely everyone, I'm only gonna be showing this once".

After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...

...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:

"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages suicide bom...

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I hate having to break up with Japanese women

You have to drop the bombshell twice before they get the point

When in the Middle East, I found out that Google alters your search results depending on where you are.

I also found out how to make a bath bomb that will absolutely blow you away!

I stop my microwave at 0:01

to feel like a bomb disposal expert.

How did osama bin laden do on his history exam?

He bombed it.

There were too many suicide bombings happening in Iraq.

I think it is fair to call it abomination.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Japanese photobomb?

Hiroshima.

I think the $250 million we spent on bombs for Syria would have been better going to schools in our own country

Then there wouldn’t be any teachers left to give raises to.

Did you hear about the bomb that went off in the cheese factory?

All that was left was da-*brie*

What size envelope do you need to send a letter bomb?

C4

If at first you don't succeed,

The bomb squad is not the job for you

I'm so tired of racial stereotypes. Not every Arab makes bombs...

Some of them make Slurpees

2 guys are hiding a bomb under a car.

Guy 1 - What if the bomb goes off while we're still under the car.

Guy 2 - Don't worry, I've got a second one in my backpack.

You've never partied till you've partied with a terrorist.

Because they the bomb.

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