If "womb" is pronounced "woom", "tomb" is pronounced "toom" then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced

"BOOM"


I hope that blew your minds

My sister asked for a bath bomb for her birthday, so I gave her a toaster.

Same thing if you think about it.

A crazy scientist asked strangers on Reddit to help him make a bomb

Edit: Wow this exploded! I didn't expect that, Thank you guys!

Get to the bunker, a nuclear bomb is dropping

"You can't force me in a bunker, I am an American, I have rights"

I am going to become a bomb defuser.

It is one job where....

Either i'm right.

Or suddenly its not my problem anymore.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom", "tomb" is pronounced "toom" then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced

"BOOM"



I hope that blew your minds

What do you call surfing terrorists who commit suicide bombings?

Radical

Bomb Compliments

“You da bomb!”

“No, you da bomb!”

It’s a compliment in America but an argument in Al Quaida meeting.

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A bomb went off near Hitler and some shrapnel got in his eyes. He went to the optometrist and when asked why Day was wrong he said

I can Nazi

What’s the easiest way to sneak a bomb onto a plane?

Buy a galaxy note 7

"You the bomb", "No you the bomb"

A compliment in america, an argument in the middle east

What did the reddit user say after detonating a bomb inside a bank?

EDIT: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After having their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough,...

...as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly al...

Whats a suicide bombers worst fear?

Dying alone

I've spent my life savings building the world's first Apathy Bomb and it just blew up in my face.

And here I am posting OC on r/jokes. Stupid thing didn't even work.

Where do suicide bombers go when they die?

Everywhere.

I made a bomb today with the help of my Twitch viewers!

"Wow this really blew up! Thanks guys!"

Two Italian guys, Dino and Marcello, go fishing on a boat

Suddenly, Dino spots an old WWII bomb floating towards them.

Dino screams "Marcello! Look! It's a mine!"

Marcello -scared- replies "Okay okay Dino, you can a have it!"

Did you hear about the terrorist who strapped bombs loaded with Coronavirus to his chest?

He blew up and went viral.

An airplane dropped a shipment of oranges, knives and bombs onto an island......

He then proceeds to land the plane to retrieve the items. While walking down the road, he notices a beggar laughing with joy. He asks him, "Why are you laughing?" The beggar responds, "I was walking down the road and oranges fell from heaven!"

After getting the oranges, he continued walking ...

What do you get when you put a bomb in a bada-Bing?

Bada-Bing-bada-boom!

Two newspaper bosses are sent into a huge bank vault and find it stacked to the ceiling with piles of 24-karat bars. They can keep them for good, but only if they are able to diffuse a bomb first...

Editor 1: Thanks for the gold.

Editor 2: This blew up.

A man is planning on taking a vacation but is afraid of flying

He is afraid of someone bombing the plane, so he asks a statistician what the odds are of a bomb being on a plane. He says the odds are one in a million and he shouldn’t worry about it.

He asks what the odds of 2 bombs being on the same plane are, and the statistician says the odds are so lo...

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A terrorist on a suicide mission

So while the other terrorists were wrapping him with all kind of bombs they looked him in the eye and told him: you're going on a suicide mission so don't fail us. The terrorist replied: I'm prepared to die!!
And so they sent him to the city and he goes to a school and he calls the base: should I...

How do you defuse a time bomb?

Help i need answers really qui

Why can't you trust a duck with bomb defusal?

They quack under pressure.

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A man dies and goes to hell...

He arrives in hell to find Satan standing behind a podium, like a game show host, there are 3 doors behind him, marked 1,2 and 3, coloured Red, White and Blue.

The man walks up to Satan, Satan says “ Choose a door, but beware, once in you cannot leave” The man asks “ well what’s behind the do...

Two kids go to a sauna

When they are inside they see a fat man and one of the kids asks: "why is your belly so big?"
the man smiles and then replies: "because there is a bomb inside." Then the other kid takes a good look at the man and says to his friend in a scared voice: "we need to go right now."
The first kid re...

Suicide bombing is one of my favorite pastimes.

Once you try it, you'll never go back.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl

You have to drop the bomb twice before she finally gets it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Job Interview

A guy goes into the US postal service to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"OK, have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."

Th...

This is a joke

This is a joke we used to tell as kids and I thought I'd post it here. Feel free to point out any mistakes as English isn't my first language


Bernhard is flying on vacation with his grandmother. As they are sitting in the plane, he asks her:
"Can I throw this banana peel out of the win...

A guy walks into an appliance store...

Manager: Can I help you?

Guy: Yes. I'm looking for one of those bath bomb thingies that burns bread.

Manager: Do you mean a Toaster?

Guy: That's what they're called??

Scientists have invented a bomb that explodes when the temperature hits absolute zero

It's called the "0K Boomer".

A Scottish man, English man and an American are in a hot air balloon.

A Scottish man, English man and an American are in a hot air balloon. It's sinking fast. They need to throw something out that they have a lot of or they will crash into the houses below. The Scottish man throws out a haggis. English man throws out a cup of tea. The American throws out a bomb. They ...

I like my coffee how I like bombs

Arabic

I tried to make a living as a comedian, but I constantly bombed every sets.

So I joined Al Qaeda instead.

I hate planting bombs now.

Everything is blown out of proportion.

Did you hear about the guy selling bombs disguised as prayer mats?

Prophets were going through the roof

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Someone just shoved a bomb into a bull's ass.

Just abominable.

There was three guys and they decided to chuck something out of an aeroplane. The first guy dropped out a dagger. The second guy dropped out a boulder and the third guy dropped out a bomb. The first guy went home and he saw his dad crying in the yard and he asked his dad “what’s wrong?”

The dad says “a dagger fell out of the sky and hit my wife on the head and now she’s dead.

The second guy went home and it’s the same story, he asks his dad “what’s wrong?”

“A boulder fell out of the sky and hit my wife in the head and now she’s dead”

The third guy got home, a...

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Soviet Russia. Verbal history exam

The professor asks the first student

"Comrade, what ideology does your father follow?"


"He is a monarchist" replies the student


"And when was our great nation established" asks the professor.


"Tsardom of Russia was established 1547" replies the student ...

What do you call a hot Indian girl?

Bomb Bae

Suicide Bombing School

Imagine a school where suicide bombing Is being taught, the teachers would say to the students.
.
Please, pay attention, I'm only going to do this once!

An old Soviet anecdote [WARNING: GORE]

A chief talks to his tribe:

— Are we the greatest tribe?

Entire tribe shouts:

— YES!!!

— Then we need our own nuclear bomb and a rocket to carry it!

— YES!!!

— Let's build them then.

The tribe chopped down the thickest and tallest tree in the forest, ...

A Catholic priest, a rabbi, and a Muslim extremist walk into a bar and all sit at the counter.

The bartender hands each of them a menu then turns to the priest and asks, "what can I get you to drink, Father?”

The priest replies, "oh I don't drink, but I have to ask, does this really say you could get me the blood of Mary?"

The bartender responds, "No no no, Father, you misunders...

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A Boy came home from Sunday School

His mother asked what he learned that day, the boy replied.

'They were teaching us about Moses. Moses had to take the Jews across the Red Sea, so he ordered his military engineers to build a bridge so they can cross the Red Sea, but the Egyptians came chasing after them , so moses ordered his...

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Three not-so-wise men

Three men are preparing to go on a sightseeing plane ride. They were just about to leave, but then they decided that they wanted some snacks for their plane ride, so they head to a local grocery store before going to the airport. While there, the first man buys an apple. The second man buys a pear. ...

The aircraft carrier captain saw a light whilst at sea

"Tell the signalman to warn that boat to turn to port to avoid a collision."

But the light flashes back "\*YOU\* turn to port to avoid a collision."

The captain, incensed, sends the message "This is a 200 kiloton aircraft carrier with 50 warplanes, atomic bombs and cruise missiles! \*Y...

If the ISIS decided to suicide bomb in Hawaii

will they shout "allahu akbar" or "aloha akbar?

What did the explosives specialist say when he was about to hit the switch on his first bomb?

Please let this blow up

What did the bullet say to the bomb?

OK Boomer.

Why did Oppenheimer invent the atomic bomb?

Because he wanted the world to lighten up.

My grandpa survived both the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings.

Being in Australia helped.

Where'd Sally go when the bomb went off?

In her pants.

I make bombs for a living

Business is booming

I had to put a bomb inside a bull today. So I guess you could say he’s

__*Abominable..*__

I was going to make a joke about a defective bomb.

But it probably won't blow up.

What are bombing instructors in Jihad camps getting tired of hearing?

"Ok Boomer"

I once dated a russian girl and told her she was "blyatiful"

We are happily married now with 2 tanks and a tzar bomb.

Donald Trump is visiting a school

He enters one of the classrooms and asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a tragedy.

One little boy stands up and says, "If my best friend was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy."

"No", says Trump. "That would be an ACC...

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A Chinese man and Spielberg.

A Chinese man walks into a bar in America late one night and he sees Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get outta here!"
The astonished...

I have a muslim friend who's a really bad comedian

You could say that all of his jokes bombed

I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making

by making you an otter you can't defuse.

What do you get when you drop a nuclear bomb over Paris?

French fries.

What's the difference between 9/11 and the Oklahoma City Bombings?

Once again, foreigners can do it better, cheaper, and more efficiently.

I bought this old Russian car from a guy down the street from me... Little did I know it was fitted with a bomb and warning sound.

The explosion was like Lada-bing, Lada-Boom.

I heard they made a Minesweeper movie

It bombed at the box office, but somehow ended up sweeping the oscars.

The terrorist behind the underwear bomb died today.

Which is good. Because no one likes a guy who goes off in his pants.

Why wont ISIS bomb my local Walmart?

...because its not a Target.

Why did the statistician take a bomb on a plane?

Because the odds of there being 2 bombs on the plane was practically 0

What movies teach us:

AMERICAN MOVIES TEACH US:

1. Chinese have nothing better to do than teaching or practice Kung Fu.

2. More than 50% of U.S. population are FBI/CIA agents, working undercover.

3. The purpose of school system of U.S. is to promote basketball / baseball.

4. Aliens have specia...

I tried posting a joke about a malfunctioning bomb earlier

But it never blew up

Remember, if a Communist is blowing up something, it is not your bomb or my bomb

it Tsar bomb

COVID Humor

Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerato...

Do you know why you should always bring a bomb in your hand luggage when you’re flying?

Because the chances of one person bringing a bomb, is very low.
But the chances of two people bringing a bomb, is almost impossible.

A mathematician is afraid of flying due to small risk of a terrorist attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with him in his hand luggage.

“The probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero!”

What do you call an explosive cow in the winter?

An a-bomb-in-a-bull snowman!

The odds of getting on a plane with a bomb on it are 950,000 to one -

The odds of getting on a plane with two bombs on it are closer to 700,000,000 to one So, to be safe, I always bring my own bomb.

S. W.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got arrested and put on a watch-list at an air port.

All i did was yell "This shit is the bomb!" after trying a Snickers bar.

If you activate a bomb, how do you deactivate it?

Quick answers please.

Airport security agents do a great job preventing people smuggling bombs on their heads...

You've got to take your hat off to them.

A basketball player, a Mexican, and a terrorist are all on a plane. Long

The plane is going super slow so they all got rid of some weight. The basketball player said, "I have a ton of basketballs, I don't need this many," and threw some off the plane. The Mexican said, "I have a ton of tacos, I don't need this many," and threw some off the plane. The terrorist said, "I h...

A jihadist tried stand-up comedy.

He bombed.

A man is driving along a country road and sees a sign; "$5 for talking dog, take next left."

Thinking this is some sort of joke, the man decides to check it out. So the man takes the left onto a a farm, and a farmer comes out.

F: You here about the dog?

M: Yeah, does the dog really talk?

F: Sure does, come here and I'll show ya.

The man and the farmer walk to the...

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