Just been in to Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask

I asked "Why are you wearing a surgical mask?"


She said "I'm not, it's a coughy filter."

I feel so bad for the deaf people who need to read lips to communicate, because of all of the face masks right now.

Let's give them all a moment of silence.

PSA do not wear a washington wizards face mask.

CDC studies have shown they provide no defense

Bruce Willis has admitted to making an "error of judgement" after reportedly being asked to leave a Los Angeles store for refusing to wear a face mask. Apparently, he wasn't even aware of the effects of his actions until a young boy walked up to him and said...

"I see dead people."

They’re running out of face masks in China

No big supplies there.

The doctor on the radio said to treat your face mask like you do your underwear

So I turn in inside out every day

You can recycle an old brassiere into a face mask. It is important to remember to only use the left cup...

otherwise you will end up looking like a right tit.

Just a question for people that put the face mask when they're alone in their car,

Do you put the condom when you're alone in bed?

Today at the pharmacy I saw a woman without a face mask buying a pregnancy test.

She clearly isn’t a fan of protection

LPT for people like me who couldn't breath with a face mask on

..
..
Take it out of the plastic bag first. I haven't felt like I was suffocating since I learned this.

when did you start wearing woman's panties for a face mask?

Since my wife found them in the glove box.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm gonna lose my mind if someone says they cant breathe or talk wearing a face mask

I had a girl in my basement for seven months wearing a ball gag and she's fine

A lot of people have been making money off face mask in fact I have too.

Because they’re not expecting me to rob the place.

What does a house full of frat boys partying without face masks and a cage full of Chinese pangolins have in common?

They're all nocturnal. What did you think I was going to say? (Seriously, though, wear a mask.)

A guy with a face mask is leaning up against the outer wall of a Wells Fargo bank.

A police officer comes and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm holding up this bank," the man says.

"Very funny. Now move along."

The man walks away, and the bank falls down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are people cutting bras in half to make face masks now

Some of them look like right tits.

All the Asians who’ve been wearing face masks are laughing now

I assume

I was wondering why my face mask crashed...

Turns out it's one of those WiN95 masks.

Everyone at my work insists that I wear a face mask.

But I don't care, it's my choice how I perform surgery.

Yo mama so stupid

She wears a face mask on a zoom meeting

Now that I'm wearing a face mask all day, half my face is constantly hot.

Not too bad being a 5/10

People wear masks that cover o my half their faces in the bank and they are “responsible” ...

But I wear a full-face mask in the bank and suddenly I’m “dangerous” and “a criminal”?

The Hypocrisy!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thoughtful Gesture

N Y Governor Cuomo assured the public that he always wore his face mask while sexually harassing his accusers

The 12 Days of Corona

In the year 2020, the pandemic gave to me:
12 Cancelled Plans
11 Face Masks
10 Sanitizers
9 Murder Hornets
8 Zoom Calls
7 Mental Breakdowns
6 Feet Apart
5 Curbside Pickups
4 Quarantines
3 Travel Restrictions
2 Karens Complaining
And a massive shortage of Grocery S...

If this isn't in a movie in the next two years then this year has been a waste!

Setting: Our hero, tied to a chair in a laboratory.
Evil torturer: "So you won't talk, eh?"
Our hero: "You will never make me talk."
ET: "Even if I force you to wear this?" (Whips around. Our hero sees he has a face mask in his hand.)
OH: "No not that! Anything but that. I will tell all....

A Republican walks up to a Democratic with a face mask and say, “do you know what I say to sheep like you?...

Whatever the Republican Party tells me too say.”

I get why Karen’s hate wearing face masks

Because they make mouth breathers smell their own breath

Yo momma is so ugly.....

Walmart started requiring her to wear a face mask 10 years before they even heard of coronavirus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Well, it finally happened today, I knew it would eventually so I was ready.

I came out of Walmart with my mask on and keeping six feet away from everyone, I pushed my cart to my car, all the while wearing my face mask. A woman was getting out of her car next to me with no mask. As I'm putting groceries into my car she says, "Let me guess - you're a liberal - ‘cause that ma...

This is an important message from Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe:

Having to wear a face mask along with your glasses?
You may be entitled to condensation.
Call us today!

Time machine back to 2019

Dr. Fauci is at the beach when he discovers a bottle, he opens it and a Genie appears.

The Genie says, "I have been trapped for 1000 years.
As a reward you can make a wish."

Dr. Fauci thinks about it and says - Get me time machine so that I can go to 2019 and stop the Chinese spr...

It makes sense that venice has been hit hard by the virus.

where else can you be guaranteed that they won't run out of face masks?

Topical Jokes for 10/19

(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)

Carmaker Audi has tested a driver-less car at speeds of up to 140 mph. The driver-less supercar is perfect for the parent who’s too drunk to drive, but needs to pick their kids up from school in three seconds.

In Be...

I heard the FBI and NSA is rejoicing at the rescue of those Thai students.

Now they can go back to monitoring Redditor accounts for "Thai, boys, deep, hole, wet, rubber face mask and sedatives" without all those pesky false positives.

Man with a beard a 100 years ago: "Ok, I'll go chop down some trees."

Man with beard today: " I found a great face mask that's gluten and cruelty free."

If you ever feel like your life is meaningless

Just remember that someone out there provides Donald Trump with face masks.

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