Passenger: why should I have to wear a mask if yours works?

Passenger: why should I have to wear a mask if yours works?

Driver: damn good point *turns off headlights*

Passenger: what are you doing it’s dark

Driver: chill the other cars have them on

There is a law that says you don't have to wear a mask

It's called Natural Selection

In 50 years: "You know, kids, back in my day, we had to wear masks everywhere we went at one point."

We didn't have those fancy hazmat suits you all wear today

I was going to make a joke about lifting the mask mandate in Texas

but it's too soon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A pretty, young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

'Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask. 'Are my testicles black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'

He struggles to ask again,...

Why do the french wear their mask on the neck?

They don't want cou vide .

The CDC is now recommending wearing TWO masks as a way to get a better seal around your nose and mouth.

It's also a good statistical approach to get the average American to wear ONE mask. (Sorry, that was a mean joke.)

Now with the new lockdown, they told me I could go to the supermarket with just a mask and I'll be ok....

F-ing liars... everyone else had clothes on too!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I am dreading the day when you no longer have to mask up in the supermarket.

Everyone will know I'm the cunt with the Tourettes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I ran into the gas station with my mask on saying, "This is a Stick Up!"

The clerk laughed.

The man paying for a coffee laughed.

The lady grabbing a candy bar laughed.

They thought I was joking, so I quickly made a small purchase.

When the cashier had the drawer open, I said hand me the large bills and a carton behind the counter.

The c...

I don’t understand people who say they cannot wear masks because of their big nose

I wear my underwear everyday and don’t complain

A man is shopping without a mask on....

Man: *looks at store items without wearing a mask*

Shop Keeper: Hey sir, you can't shop hear without a mask on.

Man: Nah I have a Medical condition that makes it hard for me to breathe.

Shop Keeper: Oh, what condition?

Man: Covid-19

I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus...

It’s nothing flashy, but it fits the bill

What do you call it when you're finally able to take off your mask?

An airgasm

PSA do not wear a washington wizards face mask.

CDC studies have shown they provide no defense

Despite CDC guidelines, there's no reason to worry about people not covering their noses with their masks.

They're mouth-breathers anyway.

If you see somebody wearing a mask pulled down below their nose, don’t worry...

Those people are all mouth-breathers anyway

my teacher asked why do you have a mask on?

I unmuted my microphone and said “my computer has a virus”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I put on my mask before I entered the bank, but everyone still got super pissed at me.

Turns out, you're not allowed to go in with a shotgun and loudly ask to make a substantial withdrawal.

A guy walks into a liquor store without a mask on...

He says, "I'd like a six pack of bud light and a case of corona"

Without a mask on, I shopped at a store that had a strict mask policy.

Before leaving, I asked the security guard why he let me shop without a cover and he said that Halloween masks are acceptable too. :\_(

People refuses to wear a mask is actually making the humankind smarter

By nature selection

What do condoms and masks have in common?

Its safe to come inside if you're wearing them

How do you get a trump supporter to wear a mask?

Convince them to storm the capitol building

People with fogged up glasses from wearing a mask: have you considered using a monocle?

It only fogs up half as much.

A condom and a mask are sitting together on a park bench.

A condom and a mask are sitting together on a park bench. The condom looks at the mask, and says “they won’t wear you either, huh?”

Bruce Willis has admitted to making an "error of judgement" after reportedly being asked to leave a Los Angeles store for refusing to wear a face mask. Apparently, he wasn't even aware of the effects of his actions until a young boy walked up to him and said...

"I see dead people."

Punxsutawney Phil came out wearing a mask

6 more months of Covid

Masks are like bra.

If the strap slipped and it is not at place, people keep pointing out
and if you entirely forgot to wear one in public, people go on staring like hell.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do people refuse to wear masks?

Because they can't stand the smell of the shit that comes out of their mouth.

I noticed a barista working alone in a small shop was still wearing a mask.

She said, "this is a coughy filter"

I hooked my blind friend up with a guy in a Pennywise mask as a prank

They hit it off last night.
She totally didn't see IT coming.

If Covid 19 has forced you or a loved one to wear a mask with your glasses,

You may be entitled to condensation.

A Karen Refuses To Wear a Mask

Because she says it's MANdated not WOMANdated

Dogs are getting stressed and confused because they’ve noticed their owners are now wearing masks

Cats are unaffected though as they’re yet to notice their owners at all

After 6 months (or so) of listening to people talk with masks on

I finally understand what Charlie Browns teacher was saying

Ive noticed recently that I can guess what style of facial hair someone has behind their mask.

I think I might be hairvoyant

WARNING!! They said you only have to wear masks and gloves to go grocery shopping but they LIED!

Apparently you have to wear clothes too.

I've worked with that dude for six weeks, but saw him with his mask off and thought he was a stranger!

It was a simple case of mask-staken identity.

LPT for people like me who couldn't breath with a face mask on

..
..
Take it out of the plastic bag first. I haven't felt like I was suffocating since I learned this.

Your mom is so ugly...

That the world faked a pandemic just so she has to wear a mask

I was told that wearing a mask and gloves would be enough during the corona virus pandemic

but when I got to the store I was told that pants and a shirt were also required

A lot of people have been making money off face mask in fact I have too.

Because they’re not expecting me to rob the place.

The people who wear their masks below their nose actually makes sense...

They're just dumb mouth breathers

I feel so bad for the deaf people who need to read lips to communicate, because of all of the face masks right now.

Let's give them all a moment of silence.

All the people who still need to debate the wearing of masks in public...

Are guilty of public mask-debation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of golfers get stuck behind a really slow group

Four golfers (a doctor, a lawyer, a priest, and an engineer) are stuck behind a really slow group of golfers. They start to get frustrated, so they call up the course's pro.

"Hey, how come you're letting guys like this on the course? They're hitting their balls all over the place, spending wa...

What do you call a parade where everyone wears masks?

A mask-arade

The doctor on the radio said to treat your face mask like you do your underwear

So I turn in inside out every day

You should wear your mask when you go to a cemetery during this pandemic.

Cemeteries have a lot of coffin.

Wearing a mask without it covering your nose, is like wearing a condom but poking a hole in the top.

Sure, it’s on, but sooner or later something bad will happen because of it.

Everybody wearing masks at Walmart like it's no big deal,

but suddenly I'm the weirdo for adding tights and a cape.

Stop telling me to wear a mask!

It's stressing me out so much that I can barely breathe and I'm getting a fever.

Wear a mask before seeing posts that are trending

Because they are viral

My wife said I should put the mask on if I'm leaving the house - and so I always do.

But my dog has to be so sick of that stupid movie by now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party

A young couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party and have a good time. Being the devoted husband, he protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed. She told him the...

My wife keeps asking me how her clothes look. Today she asked me if she should wear a mask.

As usual I said, "Yeah, it makes you look better." Apparently, this time it wasn't the correct answer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is in the hospital wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth.

"Nurse" he mumbles. "Are my testicles black?"

The nurse lifts up his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other...she takes a close look and says "There's nothing wrong with them, sir."

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly "Thanks ...

Why do some guys not like to wear a mask?

Because it threatens their mask-ulinity!

Why do vampires need masks?

They're always coffin

I’m really annoyed by people who get off on arguing over mask wearing.

Damn mask debaters.

An armed masked man bursts into a bank yelling "EVERYBODY PUT YOUR HANDS UP, THIS IS A ROBBERY!"

The patrons and staff, terrified, comply.

He's loading up his sack with cash when his mask slips off. He quickly pulls it back up and sees two guys who may have seen his face. He points his gun at the first.

"Did you see my face?"

"Yes"

BANG, he shoots him.

He ...

“Thou shalt wear a mask”

Hygenesis 20:20

I no longer need to wear a mask

Now that I have my COVID 19 positive shirt people juts avoid being near me

I support the anti-mask people

Thanks to them the average IQ is rising

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to the bartender, "This is a stick-up! Put all your money in this bag!"

The frightened bartender pleads, "Don't shoot, please! I'll do as you say!" The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!" The bartender says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a wife and kids! I'll do whatever you say!"

The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the bartend...

You can recycle an old brassiere into a face mask. It is important to remember to only use the left cup...

otherwise you will end up looking like a right tit.

They’re running out of face masks in China

No big supplies there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny showed up to school butt naked except for a mask on his face.

When the teacher asked why he came to school like this, to which Johnny replied:

"They said admittance will be with mask only, so I came with a mask only."

Walmart has announced it will now require shoppers to wear masks in its stores.

However, pants will still be optional.

Attractive people of reddit, how has your life changed since wearing a mask?

oh, sorry... forgot where I was.

Starbucks is missing out on a huge business opportunity by NOT selling masks that you can drink through.

They could call them coughy filters.

I walked into my local bank, they asked me to remove my mask..

I said there was no way I was going risk my life or theirs by exposing us to an unprotected face.

.


.


.


Then I gave them 1 minute to fill the duffle bag.

A Republican walks up to a Democratic with a face mask and say, “do you know what I say to sheep like you?...

Whatever the Republican Party tells me too say.”

Did you hear about the Starbucks no-mask deal? Mask-less customers who buy a Grande hot coffee today...

Will get a free Venti later

Today at the pharmacy I saw a woman without a face mask buying a pregnancy test.

She clearly isn’t a fan of protection

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife has taken mask wearing very seriously

She even makes me wear it during sex

Not only should masks be mandatory in public spaces

But womandatory and childrendatory too

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Masks

I saw someone yesterday take off their mask to sneeze into the air and then put the mask back on.

That's like wearing a condom during sex and then taking it off just before you cum inside.

Man walks around with a dead fish in his pocket instead of wearing a mask

In thier community almost all of them caught the virus and this guy never did. The community head was curious and invited him to learn his secret and to talk to him as the smell was harassing this community.
Man came to the head's with the dead fish in pocket.

Man: I will talk to you only...

Today I was in the bank when two men came in wearing masks...

Everyone felt a huge relief when they told us it's only a bank robbery.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks in a sperm bank with a gun.

A man walks into a sperm bank with the gun, and orders the lady at the desk to open the safe. Startled, she tells him "sir this is a sperm bank, there is no money in here." Annoyed, he then tells her "I told you to open the damn safe!"

She opens it and gets a vial of sperm out. "Now drink it...

I completely support people's choice to not wear masks and gather in large groups during a pandemic.

So would Darwin.

Why did the Capitol police decide to use teargas?

They knew nobody was wearing a mask!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm so tired of women making we wear a mask during sex

And now with this pandemic I have to keep it on after, too

What does a house full of frat boys partying without face masks and a cage full of Chinese pangolins have in common?

They're all nocturnal. What did you think I was going to say? (Seriously, though, wear a mask.)

While living alone and always wearing a mask in public, I grew a mustache without anyone knowing.

It’s my secret ‘stache.

I wear a mask. Not because I want to, but because it is considerate of others and helps stop the spread of particulates.

I also wear underwear. Not because I want to, but...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIFU by trying to punish my son after finding bondage gear, fetish masks, and milf porn in his room

I really shoulda thought twice before spanking him

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm gonna lose my mind if someone says they cant breathe or talk wearing a face mask

I had a girl in my basement for seven months wearing a ball gag and she's fine

Why do some people wear masks while driving?

They don't want to catch corollavirus.

My uncle got an award for not wearing a mask.

The Darwin Award.

I think after the pandemic ends I'm still gonna wear masks when I exercise.

It's a bit of a running gag.

Ladies and gentleman, Los Angeles has become the epicenter of this horrible disease. But if we work together with my new plan, we can make sure it doesn’t get worse.

So that’s why I’m calling on you, to stay home — if you want to. It’s good if you stay home, but you should go out to support local businesses, but safely at home unless you want to go.

And if you want to go to the mall: don’t, but you can, but you shouldn’t, but you won’t, but if you work at...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fellow stuck in a coronavirus outbreak, prayed to God for help.

Soon the head of the WHO came by. He said “Try social distancing! It can save you!”

The fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me.” So the head of the WHO went on.

Then Dr. Fauci came by and told the man “Wear a mask! It can save you!”

The ...

I thought that people getting mad over wearing a mask was not real, but today it happened to me as well. He told me Im an idiot for wearing a mask during a situation like this..

Like dude wtf, you're a dentist, aren't you like a doctor or something?

I finally figured why Trump decided to wear a mask!!

Some one told him it was made from Ivanka's underwear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why doesn't Chuck Norris wear a coronavirus mask in public?

He does.
Because Chuck Norris isn't an asshole.

Me: "Officer, I'll now take off my mask."

Officer: "Fine for me."

The arguments between the "pro-mask" and "anti-mask" groups is really intense! People are even PRACTICING their arguments at home first.

Just yesterday I heard a 14 y/o boy tell his friend that at home he mask debates into a sock!

Are you an N95 mask?

Cause I want you on my face

Wearing a mask below your nose...

is like wearing a condom with the tip cut off.

There are some loopholes with masks.

They go around your ears.

What do you call a person refusing to wear a mask now days?

Maskhole

A man was talking with a doctor about the best material for a homemade mask

Man - Doc, what is the best material to use for a homemade mask?

Doctor- If you must make one at hone I’d recommend an old shirt. Although buying a N95 would be the best.

Man- What would be the worst things to use?

Doctor- Obviously anything that would smother you for example, ...

What’s the reason batman has a gap in his mask

So that cops know he's white

A guy with a mask and a green jacket walks into a creperie

The waiter knows something crepe-y is about to unfold.

Masks

There are a lot of people arguing about whether you should wear a mask or not wear a mask.

does that make them all Maskdebaters?

A woman works in a sperm bank. She is taking a bottle of specimen when a man wearing a ski mask and a gun suddenly bursts into the room.

The gunman points the gun at her, and tells her to drink the specimen. The woman is both scared and shocked. Afraid for her life, she opens the bottle and swallows the liquid. The gunman removes his mask, revealing himself to be her husband, and says:
'See, that wasn't so hard, was it?'

Do you find it uncomfortable wearing a mask?

Well guess what, coffin would be worse

Having to wear a mask at school removes all the fun.

You never know who you're shooting.

I can't wait to see the dim bulbs who are upset they have to wear a mask to prevent corona when...

...they find out what they have to wear to prevent the clap.

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