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A man is in an hospital bed wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth.

‘Nurse’, he mumbles. ‘Are my testicles black?’ Nurse raise his gown, hold his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other. She take a close look and says ‘there nothing wrong with them sir’. Man pulls off the oxygen mask, smile at her and says very slowly, ‘ Thanks for that, it was lovely but l...

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A masked man enters a sperm bank with a gun.

He points the gun at the woman behind the desk. Shivering in fear she says, "take anything you want!"

"Open that cup of semen."

The woman looks over at a tray of recent sperm samples with a disgusted look on her face.

He yells, "Do it!"

Shivering in fear she grabs the co...

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NSFW: what do The PJ Masks ‘Gecko’ and ‘Cat Boy’ use to clean up after sex?

A moist Owlette.

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A man wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun bursts through the door of a Bank.

"Go to the back and give me everything you've got " the man said.

The woman replies, "Sir, this is a mistake, this is a __sperm__ bank."

"I don't give a shit, you go get me what I told you!"

The woman goes to the back and comes out carrying a tray full of sperm samples.

"...

Boy: What's a palindrome?

Teacher: racecar

{10 years later}

Boy: [bursting out of bank in ski mask] where's the palindrome

Getaway driver: [sitting in kayak]

What does the cat in bird mask say?

Me owl

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The bus driver, the hippy, and the nun.

A bus driver, a hippy, and a nun are all on the bus as it comes to a stop. As the nun is getting off the hippy says to her “I am going to have sex with you.” The nun replies “like hell you are and leaves.” The buss driver says “do you see that grave site over there?” Hippy replays “yes.” “Well every...

TIFU by accidentally cheating on my wife at a BDSM convention with a woman who was wearing the same leather mask

Whoops, wrong sub

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A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled

The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man.

“No way! No needles! I hate needles!” the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.

“I can’t do the gas thing – the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!” ...

Have you heard about the new online game where you’re a masked wrestler who tries to beat all the other wrestlers to get as big as possible?

It’s called raymyster.io

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I love how the ninja turtles wear masks

Great way to hide your identity, it's not like you're a giant fucking turtle or something

I lost my sleeping mask.

I won't rest until I find it.

NSFW - A masked man bursts into a sperm bank with a gun...

He runs up to the woman working the front desk and screams, "OPEN THE VAULT!"

The woman is frightened and confused, "Sir, this is a sperm bank!"

"OPEN IT!", he yells while waving the gun.

She complies and opens the vault.

"Now take out a sample and drink it!", he demands....

I know this is r/Jokes but on a serious note, I need everyone to wish me luck.

I have a meeting at the bank later and if it's a success, I will be out of debt and own everything I have now. I'm so excited, I can barely put on my ski mask..

Does that masked man look suspicious to you?

Not really. The mask makes it hard to tell.

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A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse...

Back in the 80's, Brian was walking in Belfast when he was accosted by a masked man, brandishing a gun

The masked man asked "Are you a Catholic or a Protestant"?

Brian replied "Neither, I'm an Atheist"

The masked man was silent for a moment, then finally said:

"Is that a Catholic Atheist or a Protestant Atheist"?

A weasel walks into a gas station with a ski mask and a gun, demanding that the cashier puts everything in a bag for him. The cashier says “wow! A weasel!! I’ve never seen one in real life before!”

*pop goes the weasel

Robber and walker

Late one night in the capitol city an Army deserter wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.

"Give me your money!" he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this
...I'm a Member of Parliament!"

"In that...

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A woman pregnant with twins is in a bank when two masked men enter with shotguns, a shot goes off and the woman is hit in the stomach by two stray pellets in the crossfire.

The woman goes to the doctors and they tell her that the pellets hit the unborn infants but that they would be ok, they'll just naturally pass the pellets as they get older. Years pass and the now mother is approached by her daughter "Mom, Mom I was on the toilet and a pellet came out!" The mother t...

Why does Batman wear a mask?

Because the citizens of Gotham aren't morons, like those idiots over in Metropolis

My friend Ara and I agreed to meet up a mask party.

When I got there she was wearing a mask completely made of Makeup.

I looked at her and said, “That’s some nice mask Ara.”

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Are my Testicles black?

One day an old man was taken into the recovery room he had a biopsy, he also had an oxygen mask on. The nurse walks in and takes his vitals to which he asks "Are my testicles black?". The nurse looks confused and brushes it off. When shes done he asks again "Are my testicles black?". Again she ignor...

The 3 robbers

There was a group of 3 robbers, one named billy, one named, bob, and one named jeff. One day jeff suggested that they rob a bank. They all thought that this was a good idea so they found a bank and the next day after they planned t out they went to rob it. However once they got to the safe the reali...

A doctor is operating on a patient.

He says to his assistant: “Helium please” so the assistant wheels over a tank of helium.
The doctor proceeds to put a mask on the patient so he can inhale the gas, but the patient doesn’t respond to the treatment.

The doctor turns to his assistant again. “Curium please”. And the assistant...

A man wearing a mask walks into a bank

He yells for everyone to get on the ground and fires a couple of shots into the air. He takes one of the female clerks hostage and tells her to lead him to the vault .
'' I am sorry sir but I don't think that you understand. ''
'' Just take me to the vault .'', he responds quietly.
'' Pleas...

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A masked guy comes into a bank with a gun.

He presses it against the teller's forehead and demands money.
The lady behind the counter says "sir, i think you messed up, this isn't just any bank, we don't deal in money. We keep semen. This is a sperm bank."

"Oh yeah??!" says the robber...
"Why don't you take a vial and chug it the...

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A guy runs into the sperm bank with a mask and a gun...

"Hands up, lady!" he yells.

The woman behind the counter puts up her hands. "Sir! This isn't a real bank! It's a sperm bank!"

"Never mind that! Just open the vault! Now!"

So she does.

"Get in there! Grab one of them vials!" he says, waving the gun at her.

"But the...

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I once came home to find 4 masked men beating up my younger brother. Obviously I rushed over to help out.

...the little shit didn't stand a chance against all 5 of us.

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A man bursts into a sperm bank, wearing a mask and weilding a gun.

He goes to the woman behind the counter, puts the gun in her face and screams "OPEN THE VAULT!" She timidly stammers, "Sir, this is a sperm bank. There's no money..." He cocks the gun and screams, "I SAID OPEN IT!!!" She reluctantly leads him to the big freezer, "see" she says, "it's just test tubes...

A masked man goes to rob a sperm bank

He tells the girl at the front
"This is a robbery," the girl replies "sir we dont have much money, this is a sperm bank," the man says "I know, get two containers of sperm," the girl gets them and the man says "drink it,"
The girl all confused says "what?!"
The man says "do it or ill shoo...

I bought a TV from a guy wearing a white outfit and a white cone mask

It was a 3k tv

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Two dyslexics decide to rob a bank

They drew up the plans and had everything in order. The day came and they drove to the bank, pulled up in front and put their ski masks on. They got out, burst through the front doors and screamed, "Air in the hands mother stickers, this is a fuck up!"

A man in France tried to rob a bank using underwear as a mask...

...the cops put him in jail right after a quick debriefing.

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BANG BANG

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber runs out and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay and the surgeon decides to leave the bullets where they are as it is too risky to operate.

All is fine for 16 years and then one ...

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How do you know that Darth Vader isn't a black man underneath the mask?

He claims to be your father.

How does Darth Vader manage to eat through that mask?

He's force fed.

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Positive Attitude

Late in the night, he finally regained consciousness.

He was in the hospital, in terrible pain.

He found himself in the ICU with tubes in his nose, needles and IV drips in both arms,
a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function, and a nurse hovering over him.

He reali...

A bank robber's mask falls off mid-heist.

He makes eye contact with a hostage directly facing him and shoots him. He puts his mask back on and turns to face the other two hostages, a man and a woman. "Did either of you see my face?!" He yells.

The man answers, "I didn't, but I think my wife might have..."

What do you call a moose wearing a mask?

Anonymoose

A masked man walks into a sperm bank with a gun.

He points the gun at the receptionist and tells her to open the safe. She says: but you don't understand. This is not a normal bank. This is a sperm bank. The man says: I know exactly what this is. Now open a sample and swallow the whole thing. The woman opens one and swallows it all. The man then t...

My social life is like an oxygen mask

Nonexistant unless something bizarre happens

A cop was interviewing a witness to a bank robbery...

Cop: Did you see the robbers?

Witness: Sort of. There were three guys wearing ski masks and an elephant.

Cop: An elephant?!

Witness: Yeah, an elephant.

Cop: Was it an African or Indian elephant?

Witness: I didn't ask where it was from.

Cop: No, Afric...

If I had a mask that only revealed the attractive parts of my face...

People would think I was really in to BDSM

A masked burglar goes in to a bank

He goes to the teller, points a gun to her face and says "This is a robbery! If anybody moves or tries any funny business, they get shot!"
The teller then reaches over the counter and grabs the mask, revealing the face of the burglar.
The burglar says "you've seen my face!" and shoots her dead...

I need advice. I was whipping someone in a gimp mask during a BDSM session, but when he took it off - it wasn't my husband.

Whoops, wrong sub.

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An entry level nurse walks into a patient's room...

She smiles at him, and says shes just there to give him a sponge bath.

Through his oxygen mask , he asks; "Are my testicles black?"
The nurse is taken aback, and explains again shes just there to bathe him.

He asks again, more firm, "nurse, are my testicles black?!"

"I dont...

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A man is at the dentist for a root canal.

The dentist, picking up a syringe, moved toward the patient.

“WHOAAA! What’s that for?” Asked the patient

“Well, this injection will numb the area around your tooth and keep you from feeling pain during the procedure” explained the dentist.

“No way! I am deathly afraid of needl...

A robber walks into a sperm bank wearing a mask and carrying a gun...

... he walks up to the counter and points the gun at the lady and shouts "open up that safe!! Now!!".

The lady says "sir, we're a sperm bank, we don't have any money on the premises".

The robber screams at her "i don't care! Take everything out of the safe and put it on the counter"...

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A man is in the hospital.

He has some respiratory issues so they have him wearing a mask. He's all tucked into bed when a nurse comes in to do her rounds. He asks the nurse "are my testicles black"? The nurse thinks this is odd, but lifts up the sheets and says "No they normal". The man pulls of the mask and says "No, I aske...

A blonde and brunette rob a bank

A blonde and brunette decide to rob a bank. "So you remember the plan?" the brunette asks. The blonde smiles and nods. "I'll keep the car ready.. Good luck!"

The blonde runs in, mask on, and pistol in one hand. 5 minutes pass and nothing. The brunette glances at her watch nervously. 10...

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A man's entire family was killed by a masked dolphin...

He set off on a quest for vengeance. He searched high and low for the identity of the masked dolphin. He traveled the world, asking dolphin Gurus and dolphin historians. He searched for ten years before he found his first clue.

In a shallow pool at the top of a tall mountain he found a dolphi...

A masked priest just threw some holy water at me...

... I think it was a blessing in disguise.

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[NSFW] The nun and the pervert

Jeff was on his morning commute when a beautiful young nun walked on. He couldn't help himself and began trying to flirt with the nun, who just sat there in silence and got off at the next stop.

The bus driver overheard Jeff's attempts and decided to let him in on a secret.

"She prays...

Why didn't Jason wear his hockey mask for Halloween?

Because you don't wear white after Labor Day.

Husband comes back home from work...

Instantly he sees clothes all over the place and rushes to the bedroom. There he sees his wife in a latex suit spanking a guy in ropes and a mask.
Frustrated husband jus says:
- Okay so I guess beating you up isn't a good idea...

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A masked robber enters a bank...

A masked robber enters a Sperm Bank with a gun and starts pointing it at one of the nurses.

The masked robber points to a test tube on the counter and asks the nurse, "What is this liquid?"

"Um... This is the semen that was just donated to us."

"Drink it!"

"No! Why??"
...

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A teacher gives 7 grade students a task

to learn about a topic from a given list (which goes: food, water, cows, horses, airplanes etc) and then present it in class the next week with props and costumes. One of those students, George, felt that this was a stupid thing to do and didn’t prepare that day. The following day, his parents got a...

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The Welder's Mask

A kids walking along the street and he sees a welders mask.
So the kids excited and he picks it up and puts it on. He plays with the eye visor, flipping it up and down.

Just then a guy in a van comes along and says "hey kid, you want a ride?"

The kid thinks why not so he gets in the...

A man decided that he wanted to learn how to scuba dive.

He spent weeks getting certified, and hundreds of dollars on all of the top of the line equipment he could get - fins, a wetsuit, a mask, and even a waterproof notebook with a pen that could write underwater.

When he finally got down underwater for the first time, he was surprised to see a m...

A woman is talking to her next door neighbour and she says I'm worried about my 16 year old son...

I looked in his school bag and found a gimp mask, nipple clamps and a whip. What should I do.
And the neighbour replyed I'm no expert but I wouldn't spank him.

My daughter wanted to photoshop over my face, but I wouldn’t let her...

I’d feel too E-mask-ulated.

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The pregnant lady and the serial killer.

Once, a lady pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when suddenly a man wearing a black mask and a hood came up to her and shot 3 bullets in her stomach.

She was rushed to the hospital by a witness while the culprit fled the scene. Miraculously, they all survived, but the babies ...

Masked man robs a sperm bank...

... He approaches the safe with a gun and yells at the nurse,
"Open up this safe!"

Nurse replied in fear, "But sir this is a sperm bank, we don't have any money here."

I said open up this safe now!" he yelled again and the nurse opened it up.

"Now drink this viel!"
...

Who has two thumbs and wears a mask?

Disguise!

A masked man walks into a bank

"Open the safe" he shouts at the woman behind the counter.
"Sir I think you've made a mistake, this is a sperm bank."
"I SAID OPEN THE SAFE!" He repeats.
The woman opens the safe.
"Take out one of the vials" says the man.
she takes out a vial.
"NOW DRINK IT!" he yells.
The woma...

Sperm Bank Robbery

It was a normal day at the local sperm bank, when all of a sudden, a man bursts in with a mask a and a handgun and yells "EVERYONE! ON THE GROUND!"

Once every person in the facility is lying down, he walks over to the refrigerator area for very-recent donations, then turns around, facing the ...

2 onions fall in love and mate, they give birth to a beautiful son!

One day, they leave the front door open on accident and the young onion rolls out into the world.

While crossing the street, the poor onion child gets flattened in the road...

He is then rushed to the hospital, the father rolling around in the hall, extremely anxious to hear any news.<...

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[long] A pregnant woman was standing in line at a bank.

All of a sudden a masked man bursts through the front door waving a gun wildly around. He shouts that he is robbing the bank and that everyone in it is now his hostages. The police soon arrive and in the ensuing stand off shots were exchanged from both sides, the woman was struck three times in her ...

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The Nun

One day a Hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a Hot Young Nun.
He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have Sex, to which she immediately says NO and walks off the bus.
The Bus Driver leans over and says "Hey guy I know how to get that nun to have Sex with you.....

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We're making self portrait masks in art class.

I think I'll get an A+.

I could just be getting ahead of myself.

A masked thief bursts into a bank...

As he climbs over the counter his balaclava catches and comes off for a second, before he quickly puts it back on.

The thief says to the cashier "did you see my face?", the cashier says "yes, I did!". Then the thief shoots her dead.

The thief then goes up to a customer and says "did yo...

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A guy is lying in his hospital bed

He is wired up with drips and monitors, breathing with the aid of an oxygen mask. A young lady comes round the ward with the tea and newspaper trolley. Approaching him she asks if there is anything she can do for him. The guy looks at her and asks "Are my testicles black?"


"I’m sorr...

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Nun on a bus

A man gets onto a city bus and sees an attractive nun. Wanting to have sex with her, he goes up and asks, "Will you have sex with me?"
"Of course not!" the nun said unnervingly and got off the bus.
Before the depressed man left the bus, the bus driver stops him and says, "I know how you can sc...

I hate going into jewellery stores with my girlfriend , all the staff always assume we're there for the engagement rings.

Mind you, the ski masks probably don't help.

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The Welding Mask

It's Johnny's tenth birthday, so his mother gives him five bucks to go to the candy store down the street to buy whatever he wants. During his walk he goes through a construction site and sees a welding mask on the ground that he thinks is cool so he decides to pick it up and put it on.

As he...

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A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun.

He yells to the bartender, "This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!"

The scared bartender pleads, "Don’t shoot, please! I’ll do as you say!"

The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!"

The bartender says, "Okay, okay! Just don’t shoot; I have a wife a...

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Whenever I have sex, i feel like a superhero

Mostly because I'm wearing a mask

A Bank Robber Forgot His Mask

A bank robber wanted to keep his identity a secret, but he forgot to bring his mask. He told everyone in the bank not to look at him or he would shoot them.

One foolhardy customer sneaked a look, and the bank robber did what he said he would... he shot him. The robber asked the crowd if anyon...

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Welders mask

A kid is playing in his front yard wearing his dad's welders mask. A car pulls up and the guy driving shouts out "Hey kid, I have some candy want to go for a ride?"
The kid gets into the car and he's sitting there with the welders mask on. They are driving for a little bit when the driver lean...

So a man with a ski mask on...

...walks into a bank with a gun in hand. He runs up to the first teller and holds the gun up to her.
"This is a robbery! Gimme everything you got!"

"Bu...but sir i dont think you understand. This is a sperm bank" said the teller.

Obviously thrown off guard, the robber stands there ...

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Black testicles

When I was nursing, a poor old gentleman lying flat on the bed, wearing an oxygen mask asked me “Are my testicles black?”

So I pulled back the covers and raised his gown to take a look.

All seemed normal and I was puzzled as to why they’d be black when he was admitted with a lung prob...

What does someone who steals a Tesla wear?

an Elon Mask.

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A robber breaks into a bank

He points his gun at the lady at the desk and says “open the vault bitch”
The woman says “sir this is a sperm a bank, there’s no money here”
The robber says “ Open the fucking vault or I’ll blow your head off now”
The woman opens the vault and turns back to the robber, who tells her to take...

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The Black Bra

Three lady friends had their weekly lunch together. One is engaged, one is a mistress and the third has been married for 20+ years. They were chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes....

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A man found an attractive girl in a bus, he tried to get her number...

She was disgusted, and left the bus. After a few minutes, the bus driver came in the bus.
“I saw that. Look, she’s a very pretty girl, and I’ll tell you this: she’s very religious. She goes to church every Sunday. If you go there and dress up as God, she’ll probably agree to have sex with you....

inspired by frontpage's TIL about the guy fawkes mask: how many occupy protesters does it take to change a lightbulb?

none, occupy protesters can't change anything.

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A lonely man looked far and wide....

A lonely man looked far and wide for his true love.

He decided to travel the world in search for the fairest maiden in the land.

He went to France, and he found nothing.

He went to America, and he found nothing.

He went to Japan, and alas, he found nothing.

The man...

100 people get the Swine Flu and everybody wants to wear a mask. ...

100 people get the Swine Flu and everybody wants to wear a mask.

A million people have AIDS and no one wants to wear a condom!

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A kid walking along the road finds a welding mask...

He's walking along playing with the mask when a stranger stops and asks if he needs a ride. The kid is a ways from the part of town he's headed to so he accepts. After a bit the guy says "Hey kid, do you know what frottage is?" The kid says "Nope." The guy continues "How about voyeurism?" The k...

The Bank is giving out free money!

If u go in with a gun and a mask.

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