Passenger: why should I have to wear a mask if yours works?

Passenger: why should I have to wear a mask if yours works?

Driver: damn good point *turns off headlights*

Passenger: what are you doing it’s dark

Driver: chill the other cars have them on

I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus...

It’s nothing flashy, but it fits the bill

They said a mask was enough to go to the grocery store.

They lied. Everyone else had clothes on

Without a mask on, I shopped at a store that had a strict mask policy.

Before leaving, I asked the security guard why he let me shop without a cover and he said that Halloween masks are acceptable too. :\_(

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do people refuse to wear masks?

Because they can't stand the smell of the shit that comes out of their mouth.

There is a law that says you don't have to wear a mask

It's called Natural Selection

Having a big nose isn’t a good enough excuse to not wear a mask.

Take me for example. I still wear underwear.

Just been in to Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask

I asked "Why are you wearing a surgical mask?"


She said "I'm not, it's a coughy filter."

I feel so bad for the deaf people who need to read lips to communicate, because of all of the face masks right now.

Let's give them all a moment of silence.

The doctor on the radio said to treat your face mask like you do your underwear

So I turn in inside out every day

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny showed up to school butt naked except for a mask on his face.

When the teacher asked why he came to school like this, to which Johnny replied:

"They said admittance will be with mask only, so I came with a mask only."

My wife keeps asking me how her clothes look. Today she asked me if she should wear a mask.

As usual I said, "Yeah, it makes you look better." Apparently, this time it wasn't the correct answer.

I no longer need to wear a mask

Now that I have my COVID 19 positive shirt people juts avoid being near me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Masks

I saw someone yesterday take off their mask to sneeze into the air and then put the mask back on.

That's like wearing a condom during sex and then taking it off just before you cum inside.

Starbucks is missing out on a huge business opportunity by NOT selling masks that you can drink through.

They could call them coughy filters.

While living alone and always wearing a mask in public, I grew a mustache without anyone knowing.

It’s my secret ‘stache.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to the bartender, "This is a stick-up! Put all your money in this bag!"

The frightened bartender pleads, "Don't shoot, please! I'll do as you say!" The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!" The bartender says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a wife and kids! I'll do whatever you say!"

The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the bartend...

What do masks and condoms have in common?

It's safe to come inside if you're wearing one

Wear a mask before seeing posts that are trending

Because they are viral

Walmart has announced it will now require shoppers to wear masks in its stores.

However, pants will still be optional.

Has COVID-19 got you wearing glasses and a mask at the same time?

You may be entitled to condensation.

EDIT (July 14, 2020 7:40PM PST): Um, wow. I did not expect the 2.9K likes, especially since I didn't come up with it. Thanks for the support guys and y'all got me, I read it somewhere else and shared it.

I support the anti-mask people

Thanks to them the average IQ is rising

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is in the hospital wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth.

"Nurse" he mumbles. "Are my testicles black?"

The nurse lifts up his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other...she takes a close look and says "There's nothing wrong with them, sir."

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly "Thanks ...

Man walks around with a dead fish in his pocket instead of wearing a mask

In thier community almost all of them caught the virus and this guy never did. The community head was curious and invited him to learn his secret and to talk to him as the smell was harassing this community.
Man came to the head's with the dead fish in pocket.

Man: I will talk to you only...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm so tired of women making we wear a mask during sex

And now with this pandemic I have to keep it on after, too

Have you been forced to wear a mask? Do you wear glasses?

You could be due condensation!

Me: "Officer, I'll now take off my mask."

Officer: "Fine for me."

You can recycle an old brassiere into a face mask. It is important to remember to only use the left cup...

otherwise you will end up looking like a right tit.

People who don't wear a mask

Make me sick .

Did you hear about the Starbucks no-mask deal? Mask-less customers who buy a Grande hot coffee today...

Will get a free Venti later

Today at the pharmacy I saw a woman without a face mask buying a pregnancy test.

She clearly isn’t a fan of protection

I finally figured why Trump decided to wear a mask!!

Some one told him it was made from Ivanka's underwear.

Masks

There are a lot of people arguing about whether you should wear a mask or not wear a mask.

does that make them all Maskdebaters?

It’s not called driving with a mask on

It’s Mask Car Racing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party

A young couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party and have a good time. Being the devoted husband, he protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed. She told him the...

A man walks into a bank wearing a mask. Everyone freaks out.

“Relax” he says, “I’m just here to rob the place”

What do you call a person refusing to wear a mask now days?

Maskhole

I wear a mask. Not because I want to, but because it is considerate of others and helps stop the spread of particulates.

I also wear underwear. Not because I want to, but...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm gonna lose my mind if someone says they cant breathe or talk wearing a face mask

I had a girl in my basement for seven months wearing a ball gag and she's fine

People with masks that don't cover their nose don't really bother me...

they're all mouth-breathers anyway.

Do you think more people will realize that their cars have a built in feature called a “turn signal” and that it can be turned on and off with a stick next to their steering wheel now that they are hanging their face masks from it?

Probably not.

“Thou shalt wear a mask”

Hygenesis 20:20

There are some loopholes with masks.

They go around your ears.

People not wanting to wearing masks is natural.

Natural selection.

I walked into my local bank, they asked me to remove my mask..

I said there was no way I was going risk my life or theirs by exposing us to an unprotected face.

.


.


.


Then I gave them 1 minute to fill the duffle bag.

Your mother is proud of you for wearing a mask

But she is also disappointed because look how nice you would have looked everyday if you became a surgeon.

What should you use to fix your mask it it breaks?

Masking tape

when did you start wearing woman's panties for a face mask?

Since my wife found them in the glove box.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIFU by trying to punish my son after finding bondage gear, fetish masks, and milf porn in his room

I really shoulda thought twice before spanking him

A Republican walks up to a Democratic with a face mask and say, “do you know what I say to sheep like you?...

Whatever the Republican Party tells me too say.”

A guy with a mask and a green jacket walks into a creperie

The waiter knows something crepe-y is about to unfold.

The arguments between the "pro-mask" and "anti-mask" groups is really intense! People are even PRACTICING their arguments at home first.

Just yesterday I heard a 14 y/o boy tell his friend that at home he mask debates into a sock!

I know there's a lot of people who don't want to wear masks, but you know what I don't get?

Coronavirus.

My uncle got an award for not wearing a mask.

The Darwin Award.

Having to wear a mask at school removes all the fun.

You never know who you're shooting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why doesn't Chuck Norris wear a coronavirus mask in public?

He does.
Because Chuck Norris isn't an asshole.

Has COVID-19 caused you to wear a mask and glasses at the same time?

You may be entitled to condensation.

I thought that people getting mad over wearing a mask was not real, but today it happened to me as well. He told me Im an idiot for wearing a mask during a situation like this..

Like dude wtf, you're a dentist, aren't you like a doctor or something?

Do you find it uncomfortable wearing a mask?

Well guess what, coffin would be worse

Are you an N95 mask?

Cause I want you on my face

Wearing a mask below your nose...

is like wearing a condom with the tip cut off.

People need to calm down about Walmart making wearing a mask mandatory.

You can still wear your pajamas.

A guy with a face mask is leaning up against the outer wall of a Wells Fargo bank.

A police officer comes and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm holding up this bank," the man says.

"Very funny. Now move along."

The man walks away, and the bank falls down.

What does wearing a mask and a condom have in common?

It always feels better not wearing one!

I was wondering why my face mask crashed...

Turns out it's one of those WiN95 masks.

It is now recommended to wear a mask inside your own home

To avoid being 400 lbs. by the time the quarantine is over.

A man was talking with a doctor about the best material for a homemade mask

Man - Doc, what is the best material to use for a homemade mask?

Doctor- If you must make one at hone I’d recommend an old shirt. Although buying a N95 would be the best.

Man- What would be the worst things to use?

Doctor- Obviously anything that would smother you for example, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fellow stuck in a coronavirus outbreak, prayed to God for help.

Soon the head of the WHO came by. He said “Try social distancing! It can save you!”

The fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me.” So the head of the WHO went on.

Then Dr. Fauci came by and told the man “Wear a mask! It can save you!”

The ...

I can't wait to see the dim bulbs who are upset they have to wear a mask to prevent corona when...

...they find out what they have to wear to prevent the clap.

I completely support people's choice to not wear masks and gather in large groups during a pandemic.

So would Darwin.

What’s the reason batman has a gap in his mask

So that cops know he's white

What do you call someone who frequently engages in arguments about masks?

A public mask debater.

I think after the pandemic ends I'm still gonna wear masks when I exercise.

It's a bit of a running gag.

What do you call it when you see people wearing masks everywhere?

2020 vision

“A Hand-sanitiser and a mask is all you need to be safe!”

So they said......
But then I found out they were all wearing clothes as well.
(This is a regional joke I hardly think you guys will like it)

You know why women's eyes are so noticeable these days?

It's the mask era.

My wife and I went grocery shopping with our masks on

when we got home and took off our masks, I discovered I brought home the wrong wife. Stay alert people!

They’re running out of face masks in China

No big supplies there.

Doesn’t wearing a mask make you more likely to get the virus?

After all, your face is covid.

My wife said I should put the mask on if I'm leaving the house - and so I always do.

But my dog has to be so sick of that stupid movie by now.

I've been spending a lot of time trying to come up with a way to wear my mask incorrectly.

I feel like the answer has been right under my nose this whole time.

(Edit: i actually think it would actually be worded better as "i finally found a way to wear my mask incorrectly")

To the thief who broke into my costume shop and stole the most terrifying mask I had for sale:

I don't know how you can look at yourself in the mirror.

Wear a mask and save people's lives!

If they recognize you, you'll have to kill them.

Why is peeing normally similar to going outside without a mask

I haven’t done it since April

I get why Karen’s hate wearing face masks

Because they make mouth breathers smell their own breath

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, pleas...

Yo mama so ugly

Yo momma so ugly the whole world faked a virus and ruined the economy just to make her wear a mask

so now it’s cool to walk into the bank with gloves and a mask

but when i wanted to do it, it was a felony

I get why a lot of people don’t properly wear masks over their noses

It’s because they’re mouth breathers

I figured out why President Trump thinks he doesn’t have to wear a mask to protect himself from viruses.

Somebody told him he had diplomatic immunity.

Lol plague inc easy mode is so unrealistic

Like who wouldn’t wash their hands and wear a mask during a global pandemic.

Today I was in the bank when two men came in wearing masks...

Everyone felt a huge relief when they told us it's only a bank robbery.

Why don’t Karens wear masks?

Because they are mouth-breathers.

I used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask.....

Yet here i am, stuck at home in this covid19 Thriller,
Beating it.....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apparently sneezin in your mask is the new shittin in yer pants

-Jimmy Shubert

Southern States Have Declared A Shift In Strategy to Encourage Their Residents To Wear Masks

KKK members are now permitted to wear their masks in public places

COVID is bringing everyone a little closer to being Batman

Either you are wearing a mask or your parents are dead.

Now that I'm wearing a face mask all day, half my face is constantly hot.

Not too bad being a 5/10

Why did a retirement center worker not wear a mask?

They hoped for an early retirement.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

These masks, man. I was standing in line to get in the grocery store, when I saw my friend, Steve was ahead of me in line.

I say, “hey man, long time! How’s it going?”

He says, “oh, hey! Pretty good actually, considering my wife left me.”

“oh yeah, that was a bummer, cheating on you with your brother like that!”

He’s shocked, “what? It was my brother?”

“wait wait, are you Steve?”

“No,...

This morning at the bank, while I was in line, two people with masks entered...there was TOTAL PANIC..

Then they said: “This is a robbery”...and we all calmed down...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wrong bank

A man walks into a sperm bank with a ski mask and a .45 pointed at the woman behind the counter."Open the safe " .The woman pleads "Sir is not that kind of Bank". "Open the safe and remove the contents" . She removed a test tube tray full of sperm samples. The man puts the gun in the woman's face an...

Sickening! I went to the bank today and even in this pandemic I was the only one wearing a mask!

Mind you, I was robbing the place.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The interviewer asked Kevin if he had any special skills not mentioned on his resume...

Kevin thought for a second and replied, "Well I do know an usual number of people in the world. Even celebrities." The interviewer played along and asked, "Alright. How about Tom Cruise?". Kevin chuckles and says, "Yep! Tom and I go way back actually". Figuring Kevin was just trying to look impressi...

I was told that wearing a mask and gloves would be enough during the corona virus outbreak

Upon getting to the store i was told that pants and a shirt was also required

I think it's a bit harsh to criticise Trump for trying to ban the export of masks

He's just following medical advice and trying to keep 3M away from everyone else

Just a question for people that put the face mask when they're alone in their car,

Do you put the condom when you're alone in bed?

People wear masks that cover o my half their faces in the bank and they are “responsible” ...

But I wear a full-face mask in the bank and suddenly I’m “dangerous” and “a criminal”?

The Hypocrisy!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A masked gunman storms into a sperm bank.

He runs up to the counter, pointing his shotgun at the receptionist there, and shouts, "This is a stick-up!"

The receptionist raises her hands and says, "But sir, I don't think you understand. This isn't a regular bank, this is a sperm bank."

He says, "Don't tell me what I don't unders...

I tried to make a breathing mask out of pita bread.

But it just made me falafel.

Batman’s mask

Is worthless against the COVID.

A woman works in a sperm bank. She is taking a bottle of specimen when a man wearing a ski mask and a gun suddenly bursts into the room.

The gunman points the gun at her, and tells her to drink the specimen. The woman is both scared and shocked. Afraid for her life, she opens the bottle and swallows the liquid. The gunman removes his mask, revealing himself to be her husband, and says:
'See, that wasn't so hard, was it?'

Wearing a mask at work

So I was at work, and cleaning off my desk, writing a few notes for the next shift. That’s when I saw it. One small hair on my desk. So instinctively I put my head closer, and tried to blow it away. That’s when it hit me.

Why does Batman's mask hide only half his face?

So that the cops can see he's white and not shoot him on sight.

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