My son is a man trapped in a woman’s body..

He’ll be born in March.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The police asked me to identify what they thought was my girlfriends body.

They pulled the sheet back to show her blond hair, blue eyes and pretty face. "I can't be certain." I said. The sheet went down to reveal her creamy white breast and perky nipples. "Sorry, I'm still not sure." They took the sheet completely off. I stared at the pale body and shaved pussy, "That's de...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge...

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."





"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away."





"I should be in charge,...

When wearing a bikini, women reveals 96% of their body.

But the men are so polite, they only look at the covered parts.

A man is on trial for murdering his wife, although a body has not been found. [long]

His lawyer says there is not enough evidence. "The ex-wife is not even dead, I am going to prove it to you, she is going to walk through the door in about one minute."

All eyes are focused on the door. A minute passes. Another minute passes. And another.

The prosecution says: "she didn...

What do you call a guy with no body or nose

Nobody knows

My wife laughed when I said I had the body of a 20 year old

Then she looked in the freezer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The average speed of ejaculate leaving your body is 45 km/hr.

So *that's* why I got arrested in that school zone!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Most Important Body Part

One day the different parts of the body were having an
argument to see which should be in charge.

The brain said "I do all the thinking so I'm the most
important and I should be in charge."

The eyes said "I see everything and let the rest of you
know where we are, so I'm the m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After death, the only organ in the female body which remains warm...

is my penis.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's a math teacher favorite part of the female body?

Quantitties.

What’s another name for a noisy body of water?

A creek

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My daughter has started asking me questions about the human body

I thought I locked the basement I don't know how she keeps getting down there

My friend asked me how I got such a nice body

I tell him "you have to choose your victim wisely"

You know how they say that the human body is 60% water...

I’m not fat... I’m just hydrated AF

My son is a boy trapped in a womans body

He's coming out in 6 months

My wife saw an ant picking up a leaf 5 times its body weight, and told me, “Can you imagine being that strong?”

So I picked up the leaf and said, “Yes.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A study was made and 100 women were asked what body wash they prefered. 99% of them replied with:

Get the fuck out of my bathroom you pervert!

I used to be a man trapped inside a woman’s body...

And then my mom gave birth

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange

:Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. It was revoked when I got my 5th DWI.

Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of...

What did the body builder say when someone stole all his protein powder?

No Whey! Not a gain!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Boss Of The Body (not mine)

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.

The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."

The hands said, "We s...

The brain is the most important organ in your body.

-Brain

After you die, what part of your body is the last to stop working?

Your pupils. They dilate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What organ in the woman's body is still warm 15 minutes after her death?

My cock.

If wine is Jesus's Christ's blood and bread is Jesus's Christ's body

Then what is mayo?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the warmest part in a dead girls body?

My Penis

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"The first thing you should know about working in a mortuary," the teacher said as he removed his latex glove and inserted a finger right up the ass of the body on the table, "You can't be squeamish." He then stuck his finger in his mouth.

The students grimaced as he motioned for them to line up and do the same. 

When the last student had stuck their finger- right up to the knuckle, the teacher insisted- and stuck the finger in their mouth, the teacher said- "The second thing you should know about working in a mortuary is atten...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the second most talkative body part behind your ass

It's your mouth

What were the monster's first words after Dr. Franksenstein brought him back to life after sewing together different body parts?

Thanks for re-membering me.

When priests take the Eucharist, it's apparently "the body of Christ" and they're "doing the lord's work."

However, when I do it, I'm "committing cannibalism" and "need to get out of this graveyard and seek help".

I had no idea I wasn't allowed to remove body parts from the morgue until the mortician told me.

When he said it, I was takin' a back.

I'm okay with my wife selling her body to pay for college.

But I don't know why she needs three PhDs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.

The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Darryl and Gary. The three men had always done everything together!

Darryl arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Darryl said, “Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know semen leaves the body at almost thirty miles per hour?

This means it's illegal to ejaculate in a school zone.

I don't think the speed was why I was arrested though.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I knew a guy who committed suicide by furiously masturbating until he ripped his dick from his body.

To be honest, I'm surprised he pulled it off.

Contrary to your body not feeling good while you are sick, your nose must feel the best ever.

Because it keeps on running.

Did you hear about the guy who lost the entire left side of his body in an accident?

Don’t worry…..he’s all right now.

Little Tommy was born as just a head, no arms, no legs, no body.

One day he turns to his Mom and says, “Mommy Mommy, if I’m a good boy all year and I eat all my vegetables will Santa bring me a body for Christmas?” “We’ll see!”, says Mom. The year goes by and Christmas arrives, Little Tommy wakes up bright and early to discover, right below his neck, a torso. He ...

What do you call a large body of water that's made of money?

A currensea.

Alabama Pastor

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the most sensitive part of a man’s body when he masturbates?

His ears

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Golf Joke...What do you call the part of the body in between the vagina and rectum?

The driving range, because that’s where you hit your balls

Three engineering students were discussing how God designed the human body.

The first one says, "God must be a mechanical engineer. Just look at the muscles and joints."

The second one says, "No, God is an electrical engineer. See all those neurons."

The third one said, "Actually, God is a civil engineer. Who else runs a toxic waste pipeline through a recreati...

I called my wife at work and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Sounding concerned, she said, "No."

I responded, "How about now?"

My girlfriend wishes I had the body of Thor, but I already do...

She just hasn't seen Endgame yet

When you die and go to heaven..... which part of your body goes first?

A nun teaching religion was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to heaven..... which part of your body goes first?

Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think its your hands."

"Why do you think its your hands, Suzy?" said the Nun.

Suzy ...

The body of Christ

A man.

I’m the perfect girlfriend - I have the brains of a genius, and the body of a supermodel

They’re really starting to smell though, so I should probably get rid of them

When I die, I’m donating my body to science.

It’s the only way I’ll ever get into medical school.

Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago, her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the dating world.

Finally, Anna said she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone.

Her daughter immediately replied, “Mum I have someone for you to meet.”

Well, it was an immediate hit.

They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Paris. Their first n...

Does the body burn fewer calories in a day in amputees?

Yes. By an arm and a leg.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day, when the daughter said, "My hands are freezing cold!" The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up."

The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day, the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said, "My hands are freezing cold!"

The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up."

He did and warmed his hands.

The following da...

A young man named Dave bought a horse from a farmer for $250

The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up to Dave's house and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died"

Dave replied, "Well, then just give me my money back"

The farmer said, "Can’t do that. I went and spent it already"
...

If you had to choose one body part to smell . . .

Would you pick your nose ?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend told me I have the body of the statue of David

She meant the penis part

Three nuns passed away and went up to Heaven. They were pleasantly surprised when Saint Peter informed them that in exchange for their many years of servitude and chastity, God Himself was going to bestow upon them each one wish...

The first nun said with a blush, "This is slightly embarrassing, but I have to admit, while I did love serving the Lord, the vow of chastity was really tough on me. May I return to Earth for a weekend of unbridled lust, with the face and body of Angelina Jolie?"

Saint Peter said, "Your wish i...

A boy was born without a body

A boy was born without a body, no arms, no legs, he was just a head.

So for his 18th birthday his dad takes him the pub for his first pint. He takes a sip and BOOM - his body pops out. "Take another sip!" everyone shouts, then BOOM - his arms pop out. "Another!" everyone chants, so he takes a...

My son is now at that age where he's curious about the human body.

I guess I'll have to hide it somewhere else now.

Fun Fact: If you were to take out all the organs in your body and stretch them out

You'd die.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them,

"In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." As an ex...

So a naked woman walks into a bar and asks for a beer...

The bartender stares at her body from head to toe then serves her a beer. She drinks it and asks for another beer. The bartender stares at her for longer and serves her a second beer. The woman again drinks it and asks for a third beer.

Then the bartender starts to look at her with an amused ...

I lost half of my body

The doctor said although there isn't much left of me, I am going to be all right

My body is a temple

Mostly ruins

I know the human body has 206 bones, but how many do you actually need?

Money is tight right now

A young man is uncomfortable with his body weight and therefore goes to the gym.

In front of it the man sees two queues. One of them seems to be a few people shorter so naturally he lines up there. As he reaches the end of the queue, a muscular MMA fighter rushes out of the building and hits the young man right where it hurts.

The young man gasps and crashes to the ground...

What is the smallest body of water in the South?

The gene pool.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some would say that the most sensitive part of your body when masturbating is your genitalia.

But it's actually your ears.

I have a body like a god!

...shame it's Buddha

My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body

Now 207
Now 206
Now 207

When i was 7, they said my body was a temple

I guess thats why priest came into my body every day

The detective picks up a scent of Cuban tobacco on the victim’s body.

From this, he deduces that the killer was a smoker. He also discovers a crumpled up sheet of paper that has an address scribbled out on it. This leads him to the doorsteps of an old apartment. The detective readies his gun and barges in, eager to find a clue that ties the house to the suspect. But o...

I've developed a new method of excercise that strengthens your fetishes rather than your body.

It's good in concept, but I haven't worked out there kinks yet.

My body is in a disgusting, embarrassing, totally repulsive state right now

New Jersey, I'm in New Jersey

A bodybuilder and a Blonde

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a great chest you have!"

He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby."

He takes off his pants and the blonde says,' "What massive calves you have!" The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby."
<...

What do you call a Mexican body builder?

A Flexican.

When a woman wears a bikini, she has 90 percent of her body exposed

Men, being the gentleman that we are, only look at the other 10 percent. (Hopefully not a repost)

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi (not a rabbit) want to see who’s best at his job.

So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister,...

What same things does a car and a dead body have

They both can be found in my garage

A man walks into a psychiatrist office naked except his lower body is covered in Saran wrap...

As soon as the docter sees him he says”I can clearly see your nuts”

My 14 year old is finally earning money. It turns out he started selling his body parts to cannibals.

Now, he's a pro-teen.

Did you hear about the man who cut the left side of his body?

He thought he's going to be all right, but due to the nature of our bodies, he quickly got drained of blood and died an awful death.

As an employee in the health care industry, I make it a point to keep up with all the latest medical news. Just the other day I read about a man who had the entire left side of his body amputated.

After that, he was alright.

A fourth grade biology teacher is asking a series of questions to her students

Eventually she asks "What part of the body can grow ten times its normal size when stimulated?"

As soon as she asks that, a girl at the back of the class stands up and yells "EWW, THAT'S SO GROSS. HOW DARE YOU ASK THIS TO SMALL CHILDREN? I'M GOING TO TELL MY MOTHER ALL ABOUT THIS", then storm...

What to use if you want to count the amount of meth grams in your body?

Methmatics

Always treat your feelings like a dead body.

You gotta bury it.

I keep getting that Justin Timberlake song about a body of water in the Ukrainian peninsula annexed by Russia stuck in my head.

"Crimea Riverrrrrr"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just found a dead body in the street

So I took it home and put it on the cat's pillow


See how she fucking likes it !

What human body part is long, hard, bendable, most useful when erect, and contains the letters p,n,e,s,i?

Your spine

Igor Frankenstein entered a body building competition.

When he arrived, he realized he misunderstood the objective.

FUN FACT: if you fart and sneeze at the same time

Your body takes a screenshot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm 45 and have the body of a 25 year old model

She's in my basement. What do I do?

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.