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Wears Jokes

Who wears a red suit and knows if you were naughty or nice?

The Spanish Inquisition.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can tell just by the shoes a woman wears if I'm going to fuck her or not.

If she's wearing 3" heels or higher, I'm definitely going to be fucking her.

If she's wearing nice comfy running shoes, I'm probably not going to be able to catch her.

Mark Zuckerberg says he wears a grey t-shirt everyday because he doesn't want to waste time on things that don't matter.

He runs Facebook.

When a woman wears a bikini, they leave 90% of their body exposed.

Men, being the gentlemen that we are, only look at the other 10%.

If Mississippi wears her New Jersey, what does Delaware ?

I dunno, Alaska.

Ever wonder why Ariel wears seashells?

Because she outgrew the B-shells

What does Mrs Claus get when she wears tight pants?

A mistletoe.

My wife sorted out some clothes she no longer wears.

I said what are you going to do with them? she replied give them to charity, I said why don't you just throw them away, she replied, there are a lot of starving women out there that will appreciate them.

I replied, anyone that fits into your clothes are definitely not starving.

My dad wears the same trousers as his dad. His dad wears the same trousers as his dad and so on.

That's jeans for you.

Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesn't wear shoes to protect his feet from the ground...



He wears them to protect the ground from his feet

I take LSD every time I go to a dubstep concert, but it always wears off.

I think it’s because the bass neutralizes the acid

A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a stripper who wears suspenders?

Strapped for cash

What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?

A coconut on vacation, lol!

What marine animal wears a red jacket and a sequined glove on its flipper?

Thriller Whale!

Yo mama's so fat, when she wears yellow...

I praise the Sun.

They call someone who wears boxer shorts a boxer, they call someone who wears swim shorts a swimmer, but what do you call someone who doesn't wear any shorts at all?

A swinger.

A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the bartender delivers it, the cowboy looks around and notices the bar is completely deserted other than himself and the bartender...

"Where is everybody? This place is usually packed this time of day," the cowboy says.

The bartender replies, "They've gone to the hanging."

"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"

"Brown Paper Pete," says the bartender.

"What kind of name is that? Why do they call him Brown Pap...

Ms Sarah never wears a brassiere.

She's very happy about it though, there's always a bounce in her step.

What do you call an alligator who wears a vest?

An investigator.

What do you call an American rapper who wears an open-fronted knitted sweater?

Cardi Gan

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cowboy walks into the bar, only to find it's empty.

Only the bartended, polishing a glass, is behind the bar.

"Where's everyone at?" Asks the cowpoke.

"At the hangin'." Bartender says.

"Hangin'?!" The cowboy asks. "Hadn't heard. Who are they stringing up?"

"The Brown Paper Kid."

"The Brown Paper Kid?"

"That...

My buddy wears a watch round his forehead

You could say he is ahead of his time

Batman wears dark colour clothes at night so that Batman doesn't get shot.

Robin wears light colour clothes at night so that Batman doesn't get shot.

"I really like the outfits my mechanic wears"

"Any particular reason?"

"Nah, just an overall fan"

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