The 135+ Best Without Jokes

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A perfectly normal couple has a baby, but, very unexpectedly, the baby is born without arms. Or legs. Or even a body. It's just a head...

Nevertheless, the couple embrace their roles as parents and, as unusual as it is, they raise their baby, trying to make his life as normal as possible. Obviously, it's a struggle, but they manage... and they love and treat their son like any other normal kid. Well, as much as possible.

On the...

I swiped right on a girl without a picture, and we matched.

# So after a brief chat i went to go pick her up. I wasn't expecting much, probably 300 lbs with bad skin, but hey, I was so desperate it was this or join an incel chatroom.

I walked up to the door and lo and behold, 5'2", baby blue eyes, strawberry blonde hair, all the right curves in all th...

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Day 317 without sex

Went jogging in flipflops just to remember the sound.

Without Arabs, we wouldn't have 9/11.

We'd have IX/XI instead.

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There's love without sex and there's sex without love...

Then there's You, without either.

Happy Valentines

My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!

Man, that sentence was way too long!

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You meet a man on the Oregon Trail. He tells you his name is Terry. “Terry?!” you say laughing, “Terry’s a girls name!” Without any hesitation, Terry pulls out a gun and shoots you dead.

You have died of dissin’ Terry :(

"Tell us you're wealthy without saying you're wealthy"

"Jeeves, tell those people I'm wealthy"

The furniture store salesman told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”

I said “Where am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”

Saw the CEO arriving to work in a Ferrari this morning. He noticed i was looking and he told me "if you work hard for this company, if you stay overtime without asking compensation, if you truly believe you can make a difference and instill the same passion into your colleagues...

... then probably next year I'll be able to go for a Lambo"

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Mother superior tells two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. One nun suggests to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."

So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The nuns look at each other and one nun says, "He's blind, so he can't see. What could it hurt?" They let him in. The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you wan...

How can you tell a chemist from a plumber without seeing them?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized."

A man in an interrogation room says "I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present."

Cop: You are the lawyer.

Lawyer: Exactly, so where's my present?

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate

And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.

What do you call a dragon without its silver?

Dr\_ \_on

It's a stupid science joke that lives in my head rent free.

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'Earth' without 'Art' is just 'Eh'.

Just like 'The United States of America' without 'heunedtatesam' is just 'Tits of Erica'.

A Russian had a talking parrot that constantly trashed Putin. When the man's friends came over he'd take out the parrot and bird would stuff like "Putin is a moron", "Putin without a shirt looks like a ballerina", and "Putin cannot swim cuz sh!t floats". one day banging on the door, "KGB open up!"

The man panics and hides the parrot in the freezer. The KGB ransack the house and can't find the parrot. After they leave the man takes the parrot out of the freezer and says "you see how stupid the government is". The parrot shaking start saying "Putin is a genius", and "Putin is the best democrati...

In a world without Muslims, there wouldn't be a 911.

We'd have to say CMXI instead.

I saw Black Panther 2 without knowing anything about it.

I had no idea Wakanda movie it was.

A boy was born without a body

A boy was born without a body, no arms, no legs, he was just a head.

So for his 18th birthday his dad takes him the pub for his first pint. He takes a sip and BOOM - his body pops out. "Take another sip!" everyone shouts, then BOOM - his arms pop out. "Another!" everyone chants, so he takes a...

The Fremen just concluded a longterm study on the best ways to walk without rhythm.

The results were staggering!

I told a girl, "you look great without glasses"

She said, "but I don't wear glasses."

I replied, while polishing my lenses, "yeah, but I do."

What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?

Homeless

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"I'll bring your family back to life if you can fuck me 5 times without dying."

There's this farmer, his wife, daughter, and three sons. The farmer walks out one day and finds his only cow dead on the ground. "Shit! That was the only cow we had, how will I feed my family?" and he blows his brains out with a shotgun. The wife comes out to investigate the gunshot, finds her husba...

Told by a 7 year old boy: How do you drop on an egg on a concrete floor without cracking it.

Concrete floors are really hard to crack.

Then he said "you were thinking about the egg weren't you!"

TIL of a reality show where the goal is to do as much drugs as possible without dying or getting caught.

It's called the Tour de France.

My cousin was going on and on about how an onion is the only food that can make you cry without eating it.

So I hit him in the face with a coconut.

Did you hear about the limo driver who was in business for 25 years without a single customer?

All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.

I'm pretty sure this is the joke that will yield me my fortune.

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You can't spell advertisements without

semen between the tits

A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, "Can you make a sentence without using 'E'?"

"I doubt I can. It’s a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It’s as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would ...

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Day 173 without sex

Threw the blue shell in Mario Kart while I was already in first place to remember what it's like to get hit from behind.

A boy is born without a body

A boy is born without a body and miraculously survives. Even though he has no body parts below the neck he manages to make it through high school and on his 18th birthday his father takes him out for his first drink.

The boy drinks his first beer and instantly grows a torso. In utter shock, t...

life without love is meaningless..

Love without life is necrophilia.

School students are taught that lying is a sin. However, instructions also advise that using a bit of imagination was OK to express the truth differently without lying. Below is a perfect example of those teachings.

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they...

They say you can’t get a decent job without education.

But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the moon!

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Four older gentlemen are out golfing, sharing about their lives and eventually the topic of their children's professional success is brought up. The first guy steps up, hurriedly takes his shot, wiffs the ball off into the woods, and starts walking to find his ball without saying a word...

The second man steps up to take his shot and confidently reports, "My son is doing pretty well. He's just been promoted to manager of the car dealership he works at. In fact, he's doing so well gave the last lady he was seeing a brand new sports car." Then he takes takes a swing and drives the ball ...

What do you call a person without a son?

Per

Friend: do you know that one guy who just cant have a conversation without quoting star wars?

Me: well of course I know him, he is me

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What are boobs without nipples?

Pointless

I bet my butcher $1,000 that he couldn't reach the beef on the top shelf without a ladder.

He said the steaks were too high.

My Wife said :- You got vasectomy without even telling me . Are you serious ?

I said :- I am not kidding you .

How do you call a country without nobility?

A Baron wasteland.

Today I am celebrating 100 days without alcohol!

Not consecutively, though.

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A few years ago, baby boy was born without eyelids…

so when they circumsized him, the plastic surgeon used the foreskin to make eyelids. Now he walks around cockeyed.

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What would a world without women be like?

A pain in the ass.

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Last week, after a one night stand with a woman, she had the gall to get up and use my toothbrush without even asking first. I told her, "That's disgusting!" She replied, "Well, we just had sex, so what's the big difference?"

I answered, "The difference is, I was gonna use the toothbrush again."

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Sex without light

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the ...

From how high can you drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?

Higher than you would think, the structural integrity of a well laid concrete floor renders it virtually indestructible towards an incoming egg, even at terminal velocity.

TIL it's possible to jump without a parachute from the top of the Grand Canyon all the way to the bottom.

But not twice.

I looked at my bank account and found I could live the rest of my life comfortably without working...

... as long as I die on Thursday.

What do you call a circumciser without a knife?

A ripoff

My friend said that, apparently, you cant make a sentence without the letter 'a'...

I don't know if they're right. Do you guys know if its true? I'm honestly kind of lost on this one...

How do you cuss someone out without saying a cuss word?

You are a total British person saying the word "can't."

What do you call a horse with the horn? A unicorn. What do you call a horse without the horn?

A eunuchorn.

What dou you call you german friend that tends to just get up and go home without telling anybody?

Up and Heimer.

I just came up with it and im not sorry.

The pharmacist took an extended lunch break without telling his assistant.

When he was gone, a man with severe cough came in for a consultation and was informed that the pharmacist was out to lunch, and the assistant wasn't sure when he was coming back.

The man begged the assistant for help since he was so miserable, and the assistant had to think quick.

An...

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A guy walks into a bar without money…

He asks the bartender if he can get a free drink. The bartender kindly replies there are no free drinks on offer, but he could actually try the challenge and win free drinks for the rest of his life…

Naturally, the guy is interested; ‘So tell me about that challenge!’

The bartender exp...

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A baby is born without an eyelid and referred to a Plastic surgeon

Plastic surgeon : You’re lucky it’s a boy. We will perform a circumcision and reconstruct the eyelid with the foreskin.
Mom (not entirely reassured): Will he be ok ? Will he be cockeyed?

Plastic surgeon : Oh no Ma’am, in fact he will have foresight.

Layer at the police station: "I won't say anything without my lawyer present. "

Police officer: "YOU ARE THE LAWYER!"

Lawyer: "Yes, I know, so where's my present?"

So china is making phones without Google apps now

Guess it was always my way or the huawei

*i'm so sorry, I tried*

How do you survive a fall without a parachute?

Just like any other season

For many years, Jack and Emily have been living together without being married.

One day, Emily says:

• Jack, this situation isn't working like this, let's get married already, she said.

Jack, quite calmly:

• Who would marry us at this age, Emily?

I drink alcohol without hesitation, but drugs,

…drugs is where I draw the line.

A taxi driver speeds through a red light without even looking

And the passenger says, "whoa, what are you doing?! That was a red!"

The driver replies, "don't worry about it. My cousin, he does it all the time."

The passenger sits back until the driver blows through another red. He practically leaps out of his seat, "what are you doing?! You'll ge...

I don't enjoy music without lyrics.

It just doesn't speak to me.

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A boy was born without eyelids the other day.....

So they grafted some of the foreskin from his penis to make him some eyelids. He's expected to be fine but the doctor said he'll be a little cock-eyed.

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So there's a guy born without a body...

He was born as a head, nothing else. The doctors said he would never live, but somehow, he did. He had a rough childhood, but he learned to get around, rolling where he needed to, putting up with the teasing and looks. He just tried to fit in as best he could.

By the time he's in high schoo...

Did you hear what happened to Jimmy? Tertible! His wife divorced him and left him without a single penny!

\- Well, I have it far worse. Not only is my wife ileaving me without a single penny, she also has absolutely no intention to divorce me.

I can't believe that viruses and bacteria would just invade my body without a permission.

That makes me sick

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Guys without balls applies for a job

"You're hired! Report tomorrow at 8am"
\- Thanks! There's just one detail I'd like you to know about me. I lost my balls during the war. But I can otherwise function perfectly fine.
"Ah ok, then you can come tomorrow at 9am"
\- Sir, I appreciate the consideration, but I do not expect ...

If a service dog without a person approaches you, it means the person is down and in need of help.

Follow the dog and you'll get a free purse or wallet.

How do you go over the speed limit without speeding?

You hit the sign

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"So I went to this convention called, "Ladies Without Legs", and man...

was that place crawling with pussy." - Willie Nelson

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How did the man remove the Swiss Army knife from his rectum safely without hurting himself?

Please answer soon it’s starting to hurt

2023 is a bad year to be a hot air balloon pilot without a radio.

credit to iBeej for this one!

Recently, i’ve tried to make a car without wheels.

I’ve been working on it tirelessly.

What do you call the game Operation without the batteries?

Autopsy

This high school guys was born without one of his eyes.

He was given a wooden eye as a prosthetic. His whole life he has been self concious about his wooden eye.

Eventually senior prom rolls around and he want to take someone out.

He sees a girls with a hair-lip. Thinking that she may also be self concious about her malformity, he thinks h...

Jim: "I gave the postman a big shock today - I went to the door without any clothes on."

Jack: "Surely he has seen stuff like that before."

Jim: "Yes, but what really surprised him was that I knew where he lived."

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What do you call penguins without a gun?

Penis

I have the IQ of a pencil without an eraser

I create problems and make someone else clean them up

Without a mask on, I shopped at a store that had a strict mask policy.

Before leaving, I asked the security guard why he let me shop without a cover and he said that Halloween masks are acceptable too. :\_(

As a kid I always thought a snail would move faster without its shell...

But they only became more sluggish

Do you know anyone who will be alone without family or friends for Christmas?

Because I need to borrow some chairs.

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Therapist : your problem seems to be over attachment, a tendency to fall in love very quickly without regards of other person's feeling.

Me : please don't talk like this, baby doll.

I don't have a single pair of underwear without holes in them

I mean... How else am I supposed to put them on?

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My wife and I keep on collecting 5k race t-shirts, without actually participating in the races.

It’s our running joke

So "naked running" is going for a run without smartphones or earbuds!

I wish I knew this two hours ago

What do you call a pig without clothes?

A bacon strip!

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West Virginia is the last US state without a confirmed case of COVID-19.

Not because they don’t have it, but because they can’t figure out how to read the tests.

What do you call it when someone makes you an impressive and expensive feast without asking your permission first?

Pre-sumptuous.

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Did you know that camels can last longer without water than sex?

They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.

Q: What do you call a bass player without a girlfriend?

A: Homeless.

These just jokes people...

My wife said she's leaving me because I keep making coffee without the filter. The judge agreed

Apparently it's grounds for a divorce

A man was taken into custody and questioned about a robbery committed by a man wearing a skirt. The man was freed without charges.

He never made an admission of kilt.

Genie: I shall grant you three wishes. Me: I wish for a world without lawyers. Genie: Done, you have no more wishes. Me: But you said three.

Genie: Sue me.

My ex who cheated on me with 5 guys without condom used to love instant noodles.

Guess you could say she liked Raw'men

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A teacher was testing her students' ability to guess what objects were without using their sight...

She had the kids all blindfolded and gave them things such as pine cones, little bars of soap, or small toy animals, and they had to figure out what they were by using their sense of touch or smell. Then she gave them a real treat, Life Savers in all kinds of flavors, and they had to taste them to g...

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How is college like sex without a condom?

It's really fun until you get tested.

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443rd day without sex:

Watching the clock at 4:43 just to see when it's gonna be on all fours.

An overconfident MMA fighter entered the cage without proper warmup and had not trained for months. Subsequently he incurred a severe injury for which the doctor advised to not enter the ring ever again. Thus it is appropriately said...

A grapple a day keeps the doctor away

A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons...

She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip.

She tr...

What do you call a beehive without an exit?

Unbelievable

If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills

# For all who know/knew that poem of Rudyard Kipling’s, “If”

**A delightful take-off!**

**If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,**

**If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,**

**If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,*...

Roy and Ernest went moose hunting every winter without success.

Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.

They set themselves up on the edge of a clear...

I was wondering what my parents did without the internet

and none of my 7 siblings could tell me

Chuck Norris once went skydiving without a parachute...

The place where he collided with the earth is now known as the Marriana's trench.

what do you call John, Paul and George without Ringo?

The Beatless

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Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby but it was born without ears.

Little Johnny and his mum went to visit the baby but he was warned if he mentioned its ears he would be in trouble.
Johnny looked into the cot and said 'what a lovely baby, good feet hands and skin. How is his eyesight?'
The Baby's mother replied that it was perfect.
Jonny replied 'That's...

What do you call a human without a brain?

A politician

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Kid born without eyelids.

I just read where a kid was born without eyelids. The doctors have came up with a way to correct the problem, they are going to use his foreskin to make him eyelids. The doctors said that they will work fine and the kid will live a normal life. The only problem is that the kid will be a little cocke...

Asked Google how to start a campfire without any tools

It gave me 20 million matches.

Let they who are without sun…

Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. "What's going on here, anyway?" he asked.

"This woman was found committing adultery and the law says we should stone her!" one of the crowd responded.

"Wait," yelled Jesus, "Let he who is without sin cast the firs...

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Doctor: So your child was born without eyelids.

Mother: Well isn't there anything you can do?

Doctor: Yes, when we circumcise him we can take that excess skin and make him eye lids.

Mother: Will he be okay?

Doctor: Yeah, he will be fine, just be a little cock-eyed.

If the FBI needs to get into someones's iPhone without permission..

They should just call U2 and ask how they did it

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What do you call a cow without legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow masturbating?

Beef stroganoff. (technically cows can't masturbate)

What do you call a deer without any eyes?

No I-deer

An opinion without 3.14

Is just an onion...
DEEP

How to put 2 elephants in a jar without them touching each other?

You just put a third elephant between them.

What do you call a kitty without a tail?

A kittv.

Someone just asked me how to say no without speaking

Smh

I can't go in public without people staring at my body

Now I just leave her at home

To everyone with covid, walking around without a mask on,

You people make me sick

Meanest insults without cursing

Example 1. " Your existence only proves that your dad shouldve put you in a washcloth instead of your mom "

Thanksgiving An old couple had been married for 50 years. Every morning (without fail) the man produced a massive fart when he got out of bed and then laughed like a madman.

Also every morning, his wife would admonish him: "One of these days you're going to fart your guts out."

It's Thanksgiving morning. The old man is sleeping in and the old lady is in the initial steps of preparing the turkey. While she has a handful of turkey innards, she gets an idea:

...

Abraham Lincoln went to see a play without bringing the Secret Service

He never heard the end of it

My faithful old shredder has finally given up the ghost after 15 years without a single problem.

I'm tearing up here.

What`s the difference between a Doctors Without Borders hospital and ISIS?

How would I know, I`m just a US Air Force Operator.

My friend has hired a Butler without a left arm.

Serves him right.

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The baby without ears.

Little Johnny’s neighbor had a baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny’s family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny’s dad had a talk with him and explained that the ba...

You hear about the Italian kid born without any arms?

Poor kid never learned to talk.

What do you call a teacher without pupils?

Blind

What do you call a Magician without magic?

Ian

"Let he who is without sin throw the first stone," Jesus said.

As the stones began to fly, Jesus realized he might have made a mistake by including the local narcissists.

Can you write a whole paragraph without the letter A?

I wouldn't recommend it.

Honestly, your sentences willl just sound wrong.
Everyone will notice you're doing something
different. Your writing won't flow smoothly. You'll
use weird words.

It's not worth the effort involved in spending
time online looking up tons of synonym...

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