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Hide Jokes

Einstein, Newton and Pascal play hide and seek together

Einstein, Newton and Pascal play hide and seek together.

It's Einstein's turn to count, and he closes his eyes. After counting to 10, Pascal runs away and hides.

Newton, on the other hand, very calmly draws a square on the ground, 1 meter on each side, in front of the place that Einste...

Sometimes I hide my girlfriend's inhaler

So the neighbors think I'm a stud when they hear her panting, "Give it to me!"

Where's the best place to hide after committing murder?

Behind a badge.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees?

Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.

Why do elephants paint their balls red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.

What's the loudest sound in the jungle?
Giraffes eating cherries

Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.

Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.

Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He’s sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.

Einstein says “Newton, you’re terrible, I’ve f...

Sometimes I hide my wife's inhaler....

The neighbours think I am a stud when they hear her panting heavily "give it to me!"

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt. I’ll explain later..

The nun agreed…

A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, “Sister, have you seen a soldier?”

The nun replied, “He went that way.”

After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, “I can’t thank you enough, sister. You see, I don’t want ...

Why did the egg hide?

It was a little chicken.

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Sex with me is a lot like hide and seek

I count down from 10 and shout “Ready or not, here I come”.

One day, Einstein, Newton and Pascal decided to play Hide & Seek...

Einstein volunteered to be "it".

As Einstein closed his eyes and counted to 100, Pascal ran away and hid, but Newton stood right in front of Einstein and drew a one meter by one meter square on the ground around him.

When Einstein opened his eyes, he immediately saw Newton and said "I ...

A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and ...

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For my first cake day I want to share a joke my dad told me when I was probably too young to really understand it. How does an elephant hide in the jungle?

Climbs to the top of a cherry tree and paints his balls red.

What’s the loudest sound in the jungle?

Giraffes eating cherries!

(Apologies if you’ve heard it before fellow Redditors! Maybe by next cake day I’ll get better material)

A woman wanted to know how her husband would react if she left him. She wrote him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore. She put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home.

When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it. After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a numb...

How do you hide an elephant in a strawberry patch?

Paint it's toenails red.

Don't believe me? Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch?

Where did the Mexican man hide when he was scared?

Hispanic room

Yo Mama so fat, You can hide behind her back and still be visible...

Because of Gravitational Lensing.

Where is the worst place to hide in a hospital?

In the ICU.

I was playing hide and seek at the hospital...

I kept ending up in ICU.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pot head gets really high on some good shit and goes home

Gets inside the house and sees his fathers shoes

Oh shit, I better hide somewhere before my pops finds out that I got high again!!

Ok, Ok, I am gonna hide in the living room...

Opens the living room door and sees his dad sitting there and reading a newspaper.

my bad p...

Me and dad went outside to play hide and seek

It's been 17 years and I still can't find him.

Have you guys seen that clown that hides from disappointing people?

Nah, me neither

I helped my friend hide a dead body.

He said "Thanks."

I said "Don't mention it."

Everytime I go to work, I hide because..

Good employees are hard to find

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Women can hide the fact they are horny…

Us guys stick out

I used to cough in public to hide my farts.

But nowadays, I am farting in public to hide my coughs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where do ducks hide their cash?

In their butt-quack

Hide and Seek

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"


Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the b...

Scientists Play Hide-and-Seek

All the great scientists throughout history are brought together for a game of hide and seek. They draw straws and Einstein is "it" first. He starts counting back from 100 as all the other great minds run hither and thither looking to hide. Newton runs over to the bushes but Heisenberg is already ...

Why do women over 30 stop playing hide and seek?

Because nobody is looking for them.

I went back to the Jurassic period to hide from 19th-century female novelists

But Brontesaurus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife has been trying to hide the fact that she's been masturbating while on her period.

But I caught her red handed!

My dad and I play hide and seek a lot to beat each other's record. My record is 2 hours until he found me.

His record is 20 years and still counting.

What’s the best place in the house to hide from ghost?

The living room!

I think it's funny when dogs hide under the bed when they're scared.

I'm like "You idiot, that's the first place monsters go!"

Why do you never play hide & seek with mountains?

Mountains peak.

Putin's inner circle is trying to hide the news that the war isn't going well in parts of Ukraine from him...

They have a very strict Donetsk-don't-tell policy.

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket...

You can hide but you can't run!

Why did Ash Ketchum always win at hide and seek?

because he'd Pikachu

I'm trying to organize a hide and seek tournament but it's really difficult... Good players are hard to find."

but it's really difficult... Good players are hard to find

If you ever want to hide something...

Put it on the second page of Google

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does the Easter Bunny hide its eggs?

It doesn't want anyone to know it's fucking a chicken.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A women is cheating on her husband we she hears him returning. "Quick hide!"

The man desperately darted around the room looking for somewhere to hide. Before he could find a good hiding space it was too late, the husband was already making his way up the staircase. Losing all hope the man hid in the bathroom. As soon as the husband arrived in the room he told his wife he goi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Her: "Hey, you wanna play hide n seek" ? Me: "Not really.."

Her: "You can fuck me if you find me.."

Me: "What if I can't find you" ?

Her: "I'll be over there, behind the haystack.."

What's the safest place to hide a dead body?

Page 2 of Google search.

What has 50 teeth and hides a monster?

My zipper

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At times I hide my girlfriends asthma inhaler

just to make her scream
“give it to me, give it to me,”
so that my neighbour thinks I have a great sex life.

How do you hide money from a Republican?

Put it in a science textbook.

Police arrested a man after he used a strobe light on a group of photosensitive epileptics during a game of "Hide-And-Seek"

He was charged with "Search and Seizure"

I’ve started playing hide and go seek alone.

I just really needed to find myself.

On what day of the week do chickens hide?

Fry-day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A game of hide and seek

4 brothers were playing a game of hide and seek; Manners, None of your business, Shit and Trouble.
Manners, being the oldest, is elected as the seeker. Not long after finishing counting, he finds None of your business and Shit. Trouble, the youngest of the brothers, is noted as the best hide and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A horny gorilla sees a lion bent over a small stream, taking a drink

The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. The gorilla then takes off running, with the very angry lion on his heels. As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a bit of a lead, and sees a British safari camp ahead.

The gorilla enters the camp, grabs some k...

Why did Jiminy Cricket hide in a seashell?

He was hoping to be somebody's Conch-ience.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What can't you hide in a basement full of dead hookers?

My erection

The limo driver opened an animal hide gallery.

The chauffeur show furs

2 Boys decided to play hide and seek

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and b...

In case of a zombie outbreak, quickly hide inside the nearest Walmart

Nobody has teeth there so you are safe from bites

The best armor for sneaking is leather armor.

Because it's made of hide

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