I recently entered a competition to see who had gained the most weight and lost the most hair.

Obviously, it wasn’t called that. It was advertised as a ‘School Reunion.’

My bald dad commented on my hair earlier.

He said I had hair like an emo.

He wasn’t too happy when I said he had hair like a chemo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 60 year old man was starting at a 17 year old teen, particularly his hair, on the bus.

The boy, who had just coloured his hair various shades started feeling uncomfortable by the old man's gaze. Unable to take it anymore, the boy shouted - "What is it old man? Can't stomach when people do wild things?"

The old man replied - "I once fucked a peacock when I was a teen. Wondering ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Donald Trump's hair and a thong have in common?

They both barely cover the asshole.

If Satan ever loses his hair...

...there will be hell toupee.

Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?

Because he conditioned it!

A blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes going around and decided to dye her hair brown.

She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

"Hey, shepherd! If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?" The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. Out of the blue, she blurts out "352!" He is stunned but keeps his word and allow...

A guy on the street asked me how I keep my hair looking so slick..

I guess he was gel-less.

How do you get gum out of your hair?

cancer




(Sorry for offensiveness)

I asked my brother why he keeps his hair long

He said : well, I didn't like at first, but then it kind of *grew on me*

I found my first grey pubic hair today.

However, i didn't freak out about it like the other people in the elevator.

Girl: Look mommy, my (you know what) is growing hair!

Mom: That's okay, it's natural that we grow hair on our monkeys!
Girl: Look sister, I'm growing hair on my monkey!
Sister: That's nothing, my monkeys already eating bananas!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.

She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

“We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the...

3 blondes are lost in the desert

They come across a river that they have to get over, but it's swarming with crocodiles.

Luckily, a genie just happened to pass by on his flying carpet. He said: "Ah, you are lucky! As I have found you here, I will grant each of you one wish."

The first blonde wished she was an excellen...

How do you stop children with thick curly black hair from jumping on the bed?

Put velcro on the ceiling.

After his last appointment, my son complained about how his hair looked. I told him it'll grow on him.

His oncologist, on the other hand, is not as optimistic.

I'm just 30 and already lost 25% of my hair

Now I only have air.

A blonde colors her hair red and moves countryside

She meets a farmer and challenges him: "If I can guess your profession, I get your dog for free."
The farmer agrees.
The blonde declares that he is a farmer, and wins the bet.
As she's stuffing the animal into the trunk of her Fiat, the farmer says: "if I can guess your real hair color, ca...

What do parsley and pubic hair have in common?

.
.
.
You just push them aside and keep on eating

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I tried to set up my hipster friend with this awesome guy. He’s rebellious, has dope beard and long wavy hair, hangs around with quirky outcasts, hikes, doesn’t want to own useless crap and knows all the coolest party tricks.

Yeah. Turning hipster girls into Christianity is surprisingly easy.

I asked this woman if I could touch her hair.

She said yes. I ran my finger over her lip and that's how the fight started.

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'

'Of course child. What may I do for you?'

‘Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes ...

Who Did Princess Leia's Hair? (My daughter's joke)

Darth Braider



(I know, I know. She's a kid though. Lol)

How does the man in the moon cut his hair? (From my 9yo child)

Eclipse it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

#NSFW #Religion - A porn actor walks into a hair salon

He is seated behind a nun. And struck with her beauty, he tells her:

"I wanna have sex with you."

She turns her head and looks at him with disgust.

"I'm a nun. I can't do those things."

Irritated, she stands and leaves the hair salon.
The barber comes to him and says:<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest gets his hair cut.

He goes to pay the barber who refuses his money. "I cannot charge a man of the cloth." So the next day the grateful priest sends him a dozen roses.

A minister goes to the same barber. He gets his hair cut. He goes to pay the barber who refuses his money. "I cannot charge a man of the cloth."...

My barber cut my hair too short for my liking...

But it's slowly growing on me.

Trump tries to avoid the wind, not because of his hair...

But because of the draft.

Even in the morning, when most people's hair is scruffy and looks bad, Will Smith's still looks amazing.

Some call him the Fresh Prince of Bedhair.

What do you call a nut with facial hair?

A pistachio...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Life is like your ass hair

Short and full of shit

What do you call a blonde that has dyed her hair?

Artificial intelligence.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald trump and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barbershop.

Donald trump and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barbershop.



As they sat there each being worked on by a different barber not a word was spoken the barbers were even afraid to start a conversation for fear it would turn to politics.



As the barbers finished the...

Three Southern Ladies Are Chatting In A Hair Salon

First lady says "I call my man Sugar"

The others a ask "Why?"

"Because he' so sweet"

Second lady says "I call my man Tree"

The others a ask "Why?"

"Because he' so big and firm"

The third lady says "I call my man Courvoisier"

The others a ask "Courvois...

I was just fired today, simply for telling my co-worker that her hair smelled nice.

I think they are discriminating against me for being a midget.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks up to a woman in the office and tells her that her hair smells nice

The woman immediately goes to see the HR manager, explains what happened, and says that she wants to file a sexual harassment complaint.

The HR manager is puzzled and says, "What's wrong with the co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "He's a midget."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW

Sally has been feeling harassed by one of her coworkers, John. She tells her employer that he has been harassing her and he asks her, "What does he do?"

She says, "He always tells me my hair smells nice."

Her boss replies, "That's not really sexual harassment."

Sally says, "He's...

A barber gets his first client of the day and begins cutting his hair

The barber asks the client “What do you do?”
The client responds “I’m a waiter at the Italian restaurant down the street.”

The barber says to him “You’re in the service industry, I’m in the service industry, this haircut is on me.”

The next morning, the barber comes back to his shop...

A barber asks his client, how do you want your hair cut?

The client replied 'in silence'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An older gentleman was standing at a bus stop, observing a young man with orange, green, and blue spiked hair.

After a few moments, the young man said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild?"

The old man smiled and said, "Well, yes. I once had sex with a parrot, and I was wondering if you might be my son..."

I wanted to tell a joke about pubic hair to a unvaccinated child.

But i said he won‘t get it anyway.

(From my wife) - “What do you call someone who has spent a lifetime braiding hair?”

Master-braider

:-)

Hey, waiter, there is a hair in my dinner! This is disgusting.

What are you eating, sir?

Rump roast.

The balloon was very happy when I rubbed on my hair.

It was ecstatic.

My hair and I have a love-hate relationship

It's always sticking up for me, even when I don't ask it to

My girlfriend got fired today for putting her hair in a bun.

She's hoping to find another bakery to work in soon.

I used to hate facial hair,

But then it grew on me.

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair

Fuzzy Wuzzy's matches on Grindr were pretty disappointed by this discrepancy.

What's the difference between a slap and a nice head of bouncy hair

The word that you end the sentence "I would like you to give me a blow _____" with.

Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?

The baabaa shop



(the other best joke from my son)

What do you call a bee having a bad hair day?

A frizzbee

Why is a bees hair sitcky?

Because it uses a honey comb

I was really not of fan of body hair.

It's grown on me, though.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy says to the hairdresser, I want the hair on top shaved down the middle on the side one shaved all the way the other side leave as it it is, hairdresser replied, sorry sir but I cannot do that.

I said well you fucking did last time.

If someone stole your favorite hair piece.

What is the price you are willing toupee to get it back?

The hairdresser was washing my hair, she said "Do you want any conditioner?"

I said, "Extra volume?" and she said "DO YOU WANT ANY CONDITIONER?!"

What do you call the girl with dandruff who missed her appointment at the hair salon?

Flakey

What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his teeth?

A glad-he-ate-her.

What do you call ninjas with red hair?

Ginjas....

What's the best way to get bubblegum out of your hair?

Cancer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked the hairdresser to cut my hair like Elvis.

Stupid bastard started dancing around the shop.

After years of being bald, the idea of hair doesn't sound too bad.

It's starting to grow on me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sometimes I tell everyone I'm going for a shit, then sneak off and wash my hair instead.

I have a sham-poo

Breaking News: Thieves break into Wig Factory; Steal 500 pounds of hair.

When questioned by the press, the owner said, "When these guys are caught, there's gonna be hell toupee!"

What's the most effective way to remove a sticky chewing gum from your hair ?

Cancer.

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair

Her mom calmly said, “That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair.” the girl smiled.

At dinner, she told her sister, “My monkey has grown hair.”


Her sister smiled and said, “That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas.”

Gimli was going on a date last night, so I let him borrow my hair gel and my shaving foam.

And my Axe.

What’s the difference between a bad hair day and a queef?

One is a fussy part.....

There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked.

He asked his mother what the hair between her legs was.

She responded,"My washcloth."

Weeks later after the mother had the baby, the young boy walked in on his mother again. While she was in the hospital, the doctor shaved her pubic hair.

The boy asked his mother, "What happen...

If Trump's hair sees it's shadow...

the government shutdown will last for 6 more weeks.

I just started a pubic hair removal business, and I’m only taking in female customers for the first few months.

I don’t want to go nuts right away.

What type of facial hair does a ghost have?

A soul patch

So a ginger friend of mine got their hair dyed, I guess you could say they are now...

A transginger

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back.

Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

I went to the barber shop a few days ago to cut my hair...

I didn’t like my haircut first, but then it grew on me

Pubic hair that glows in the dark

Is easier to get out of your teeth

Greying hair

A boy asked his dad "Why does hair turn grey?"

His dad considered his own grey hair and said "Son, everytime you do something shameful, I get a grey hair. Whenever you don't try your best, I get another grey hair. And when you don't listen to your parents, I get another grey hair!"

T...

A lawyer, garbage collector, and hair stylist sit down at a bar

The lawyer orders a shot of whiskey and drinks it right away. The garbage collector orders some tequila and downs it immidiatly. The hair stylist says "I don't do shots" and then quickly dies of polio.

I was at a barber shop in Bangkok and I asked to get my hair dyed, and for the barber to surprise me. I noticed that it was taking a bit longer than hair dyeing normally would, and when I looked at the finished job in the mirror, I noticed that they were in rainbow swirls.

When I asked the barber, "What is this?" he told me,"Well, it's a Thai dye."

A blonde dyes her hair brown and goes for a drive in the countryside

While she is driving, she stops for a shepherd who is crossing with some sheep.
She asks,"If I can guess the amount of sheep you have, can I keep one?"
The shepherd replies,"Sure, why not"
So the blonde (now brunette) thinks for a while and says,"261"
The number is right, so the shepherd...

So my brother has been taking rill good care of his hair

After his hour long showers all my conditioner is gone

I swiped right on a girl without a picture, and we matched.

So after a brief chat i went to go pick her up. I wasn't expecting much, probably 300 lbs with bad skin, but hey, I was so desperate it was this or join an incel chatroom.

I walked up to the door and lo and behold, 5'2", baby blue eyes, strawberry blonde hair, all the right curves in all the...

I happened to be in court when I noticed a wrinkled old lady with grey hair sat up high...

I asked her, "You mind if I ask how old you are?"

She shouted back, "Thirty, love!"

I thought she was just messing with me so I replied, "No, really, how old are you?"

She yelled at me, "Forty, love!"

I realised then I should get back to my tennis match.

I videotaped my hair today

I’m going to watch the highlights later

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met this bitch today,brown hair...

cute eyes, lovely smile so I adopted her.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know what we call the patch of hair between grandma’s breasts?

Her vagina.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between men's hair and women's hair?

35 extra minutes in the fucking shower, apparently!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nice Smelling Hair!

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.


After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to HR.
Without identifying the guy, she tells them what the co-worker do...

My grandma changed her hair colour while taking a nap...

She dyed peacefully in her sleep

A blond is driving down country roads feeling smart because she dyed her hair brown

She turns a corner and finds the road completely blacked by sheep. The farmer comes it the the window and apologizes for blockage, he says they’ll be past in a few minutes. The “brunette” looks at the sheep and back at the farmer and says “if I can guess how meant sheep are there can I have one?” Th...

I went to the gents barbers today and he asked me "Do you want your hair cut around the back?"

I said "Nah buddy, in here is fine."

What is Pavlov's favorite hair product?

Conditioner

A man goes into a barbershop for a shave and a hair cut.

The man sits down and the barber lathers him up for his shave. The barber hands the man a little wooden ball and says “Put this in your cheek so it’s stretches the skin.” The man chuckles and asks “What happens if I swallow it?” To which the barber replies “Just bring it back tomorrow. At least that...

How did Moses comb his hair?

He parted it in the middle.

Just learned that eggs are good for men's hair.

That's why roosters always have a comb.

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