This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What does Donald Trumps hair have in common with a thong?

They both barely cover the asshole

Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?

Because he conditioned it

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

#NSFW #Religion - A porn actor walks into a hair salon

He is seated behind a nun. And struck with her beauty, he tells her:

"I wanna have sex with you."

She turns her head and looks at him with disgust.

"I'm a nun. I can't do those things."

Irritated, she stands and leaves the hair salon.
The barber comes to him and says:<...

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'

'Of course child. What may I do for you?'

‘Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes ...

How does the man in the moon cut his hair? (From my 9yo child)

Eclipse it.

The balloon was very happy when I rubbed on my hair.

It was ecstatic.

A barber asks his client, how do you want your hair cut?

The client replied 'in silence'.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

NSFW

Sally has been feeling harassed by one of her coworkers, John. She tells her employer that he has been harassing her and he asks her, "What does he do?"

She says, "He always tells me my hair smells nice."

Her boss replies, "That's not really sexual harassment."

Sally says, "He's...

What do you call a blonde that has dyed her hair?

Artificial inteligence.

I wanted to tell a joke about pubic hair to a unvaccinated child.

But i said he won‘t get it anyway.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks up to a woman in the office and tells her that her hair smells nice

The woman immediately goes to see the HR manager, explains what happened, and says that she wants to file a sexual harassment complaint.

The HR manager is puzzled and says, "What's wrong with the co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "He's a midget."

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Donald trump and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barbershop.

Donald trump and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barbershop.

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As they sat there each being worked on by a different barber not a word was spoken the barbers were even afraid to start a conversation for fear it would turn to politics.

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As ...

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair

Fuzzy Wuzzy's matches on Grindr were pretty disappointed by this discrepancy.

I was just fired today, simply for telling my co-worker that her hair smelled nice.

I think they are discriminating against me for being a midget.

Who Did Princess Leia's Hair? (My daughter's joke)

Darth Braider

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(I know, I know. She's a kid though. Lol)

A blonde colors her hair red and moves countryside

She meets a farmer and challenges him: "If I can guess your profession, I get your dog for free."
The farmer agrees.
The blonde declares that he is a farmer, and wins the bet.
As she's stuffing the animal into the trunk of her Fiat, the farmer says: "if I can guess your real hair color, ca...

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An older gentleman was standing at a bus stop, observing a young man with orange, green, and blue spiked hair.

After a few moments, the young man said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild?"

The old man smiled and said, "Well, yes. I once had sex with a parrot, and I was wondering if you might be my son..."

(From my wife) - “What do you call someone who has spent a lifetime braiding hair?”

Master-braider

:-)

What do you call a bee having a bad hair day?

A frizzbee

What do you call it when a blonde dyes their hair brown...

Artifical intelligence.

Why is a bees hair sitcky?

Because it uses a honey comb

Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?

The baabaa shop

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(the other best joke from my son)

What's the difference between a slap and a nice head of bouncy hair

The word that you end the sentence "I would like you to give me a blow _____" with.

My girlfriend got fired today for putting her hair in a bun.

She's hoping to find another bakery to work in soon.

My hair and I have a love-hate relationship

It's always sticking up for me, even when I don't ask it to

What do you call the girl with dandruff who missed her appointment at the hair salon?

Flakey

What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his teeth?

A glad-he-ate-her.

After years of being bald, the idea of hair doesn't sound too bad.

It's starting to grow on me.

I was really not of fan of body hair.

It's grown on me, though.

If someone stole your favorite hair piece.

What is the price you are willing toupee to get it back?

I asked this lady if I could touch her hair

She said yes, so I ran my finger across her lip and that's how the fight started.

What do you call ninjas with red hair?

Ginjas....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Sometimes I tell everyone I'm going for a shit, then sneak off and wash my hair instead.

I have a sham-poo

The hairdresser was washing my hair, she said "Do you want any conditioner?"

I said, "Extra volume?" and she said "DO YOU WANT ANY CONDITIONER?!"

I used to hate having no hair

Then it grew on me

Breaking News: Thieves break into Wig Factory; Steal 500 pounds of hair.

When questioned by the press, the owner said, "When these guys are caught, there's gonna be hell toupee!"

What type of facial hair does a ghost have?

A soul patch

What’s the difference between a bad hair day and a queef?

One is a fussy part.....

What's the difference between a person who pulls out all of their hair, and someone who cuts it off instead?

One has a sore mane, and the other is more sane.

What's the best way to get bubblegum out of your hair?

Cancer.

Gimli was going on a date last night, so I let him borrow my hair gel and my shaving foam.

And my Axe.

What's the most effective way to remove a sticky chewing gum from your hair ?

Cancer.

There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked.

He asked his mother what the hair between her legs was.

She responded,"My washcloth."

Weeks later after the mother had the baby, the young boy walked in on his mother again. While she was in the hospital, the doctor shaved her pubic hair.

The boy asked his mother, "What happen...

A man goes to get his haircut and the barber asks, “Should I cut the hair in back?”

The man replies, “What’s wrong with doing it right here in the chair?”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I asked the hairdresser to cut my hair like Elvis.

Stupid bastard started dancing around the shop.

I just started a pubic hair removal business, and I’m only taking in female customers for the first few months.

I don’t want to go nuts right away.

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair

Her mom calmly said, “That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair.” the girl smiled.

At dinner, she told her sister, “My monkey has grown hair.”


Her sister smiled and said, “That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas.”

I went to the barber shop a few days ago to cut my hair...

I didn’t like my haircut first, but then it grew on me

If Trump's hair sees it's shadow...

the government shutdown will last for 6 more weeks.

Greying hair

A boy asked his dad "Why does hair turn grey?"

His dad considered his own grey hair and said "Son, everytime you do something shameful, I get a grey hair. Whenever you don't try your best, I get another grey hair. And when you don't listen to your parents, I get another grey hair!"

T...

Pubic hair that glows in the dark

Is easier to get out of your teeth

So a ginger friend of mine got their hair dyed, I guess you could say they are now...

A transginger

I was at a barber shop in Bangkok and I asked to get my hair dyed, and for the barber to surprise me. I noticed that it was taking a bit longer than hair dyeing normally would, and when I looked at the finished job in the mirror, I noticed that they were in rainbow swirls.

When I asked the barber, "What is this?" he told me,"Well, it's a Thai dye."

A lawyer, garbage collector, and hair stylist sit down at a bar

The lawyer orders a shot of whiskey and drinks it right away. The garbage collector orders some tequila and downs it immidiatly. The hair stylist says "I don't do shots" and then quickly dies of polio.

I happened to be in court when I noticed a wrinkled old lady with grey hair sat up high...

I asked her, "You mind if I ask how old you are?"

She shouted back, "Thirty, love!"

I thought she was just messing with me so I replied, "No, really, how old are you?"

She yelled at me, "Forty, love!"

I realised then I should get back to my tennis match.

Where do women have short curly black hair?

Fiji

A blonde dyes her hair brown and goes for a drive in the countryside

While she is driving, she stops for a shepherd who is crossing with some sheep.
She asks,"If I can guess the amount of sheep you have, can I keep one?"
The shepherd replies,"Sure, why not"
So the blonde (now brunette) thinks for a while and says,"261"
The number is right, so the shepherd...

I videotaped my hair today

I’m going to watch the highlights later

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I met this bitch today,brown hair...

cute eyes, lovely smile so I adopted her.

I suggested my wife that she'd look better with dark hair

Apparently that's an offensive thing to say to a cancer patient.

My grandma changed her hair colour while taking a nap...

She dyed peacefully in her sleep

How is pubic hair like parsley?

You push it to the side before you start eating.

So my brother has been taking rill good care of his hair

After his hour long showers all my conditioner is gone

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the difference between men's hair and women's hair?

35 extra minutes in the fucking shower, apparently!

A blond is driving down country roads feeling smart because she dyed her hair brown

She turns a corner and finds the road completely blacked by sheep. The farmer comes it the the window and apologizes for blockage, he says they’ll be past in a few minutes. The “brunette” looks at the sheep and back at the farmer and says “if I can guess how meant sheep are there can I have one?” Th...

How did Moses comb his hair?

He parted it in the middle.

I went to the gents barbers today and he asked me "Do you want your hair cut around the back?"

I said "Nah buddy, in here is fine."

Why did the Rastafarian refuse to cut his hair for ten years?

He was dreading it.

A man goes into a barbershop for a shave and a hair cut.

The man sits down and the barber lathers him up for his shave. The barber hands the man a little wooden ball and says “Put this in your cheek so it’s stretches the skin.” The man chuckles and asks “What happens if I swallow it?” To which the barber replies “Just bring it back tomorrow. At least that...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Nice Smelling Hair!

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.


After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to HR.
Without identifying the guy, she tells them what the co-worker do...

A wife returns from the salon, "Honey, I took your advice and got a new hair color, what do you think?"

Husband: I think you misunderstood what I meant when I said "it's time to diet".

I hope I see some moose in Canada

My hair is a mess.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Do you know what we call the patch of hair between grandma’s breasts?

Her vagina.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What kind of fake hair does a stuttering rapper use?

XXXtentions

What is Pavlov's favorite hair product?

Conditioner

Why don’t conservatives use conditioner on their hair?

Because the bottle says “Apply liberally”

I thought I had a hair in my mouth...

But it was all in my head.

I cut some hair off the front of my wife's head and took it to dinner

because I wanted to go out with a bang

Why are hair stylists the best psychopaths?

Because they want everybody to dye.

I woke up with a really stiff neck. I got out of bed, went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, my face was white as a sheet! i had a big red nose, bright red fuzzy hair and a really tiny bowler hat on top. I turned on the tap and glitter poured out. Then i realised what had happened..

I slept funny.

My wife was doing her hair for Christmas Eve

She seemed to be struggling to comb it. I told her she should have written to Santa about it - he could have told her if her hair was knotty or nice.

As a girl, I really enjoy having my hair short.

Because now the only thing I can let down is my parents.

It's interesting how different a US president looks at the end of their presidency. Obama had gray hair. Bush had a bunch of wrinkles..

At the end of JFKs presidency, half of his head was missing.

I found my first grey pubic hair today

I just didn’t expect to find it in my Big Mac

What's the most expensive haircut?

Chemotherapy

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An elderly gentleman walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is in his mid-80s, well-dressed, hair well-groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of an expensive after shave. He presents a very nice image.

Seated at the bar is a classy looking lady in her mid-70s.

The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits alongside her. He orders a drink and takes a sip.

He slowly turns to the lady and says: "So, tell me; do I come here often?"

The way I combed my hair in 7th grade

is the worst part.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A son goes up to his father,

And just turning 16, asks him "Dad, can I take the car? I'd really like to take this girl on a date."
His father looks at him, and says "Son, if you want to take my car, there are three things I'm going to need from you.
First is that you need to start helping your mother around the house. N...

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.'

The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses wai...

At first, I wasn't too happy the way my barber cut my hair, but honestly..

It's starting to grow on me

Everyone hates my facial hair for No Shave November

But it’s growing on me

My hairdresser asked me how I wanted my hair cut

Me : Anything that will make me look good

Hairdresser : oh uhm. \**awkward silence*\* I can try

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why is semen good as hair product

Because its palm made

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was Having my Pubic Hair Waxed

The woman cut above my penis. She then proceeded to lift it to cut underneath. After a minute I told her "you can let go now, it'll stand up on it's own".

Do you know why ghosts always have long hair?

Because all the hair salons are closed at night.

That’s a lot of zeros

An aide comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump:

"Sir, three Brazilian solders were killed in Afghanistan last night."

Trump looks absolutely devastated, nobody's ever seen him like this.
He sinks back in his chair, saying “oh my god” over and over.

Then he composes h...