What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brunette?

Artificial Intelligence

As I sat there winding my hair through my fingers, I thought to myself

"I really need to shave my ass"

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A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, th...

There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...

He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."

"What I want ...

How does the moon cut its hair?

Eclipse it.

There was a sale on hair color at the salon.

Three people dyed.

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A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs.

She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.

Her mom calmly said, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair."

The girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister, "My monkey has grown hair."

Her sister smiled and sai...

What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth?

A glad-he-ate-her.

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So I handle financial transactions for a multibillion dollar company and I am working and this complete bitch with brown hair walks into my store and you know what she says to me?

Woof woof woof woof woof.

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Things that have hair.

A teacher asks the kids at class:

"I want you to name things that have hair on it"

"A cat!", the first kid says.

"That's correct", teacher replies. "A cat has hair on it. Can anyone tell something else that has hair?"

"An owl!", says another kid.

The teacher said:...

What is the worst name for a hair salon?

Cut and dye

My daughter asked if I could braid her hair and the result was

a parentally knot.

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A blonde is sitting next to a brunette on a plane. She turns to the dark haired woman and asks, "Where are you from?"

The brunette haughtily replies, "I'm from a place where we know better than to end a sentence with a preposition."

The blonde pauses for a second and then asks, "Where are you from, bitch?"

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What do you call the hair between your grandma's tits?

Her pussy!

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course child. What may I do for you?"


"Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhap...

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You and 2 friends of yours walk through a forest

after a while you lot stumble upon a hut, from which a weird old lady, resembling a witch, comes out from. She slowly says
*"...do not step on the purple flower..."*
and then goes back into her hut.

A little confused, you exchange looks with your friends, shrug, and keep walking.
...

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A gray haired Army general walks into a hotel bar and sits down next to a young, attractive woman.

They hit it off, and she likes a man in uniform, so she says, “Why don’t you come up to my room?”

The general says, “I’m flattered but at my age I’m not sure if things would work the way you hope.”

She says, “But you’re in good shape...tell me, when was the last time you had sex?”
<...

I wish my pubic hair was emo...

...so that it would cut itself.

I didn't used to like facial hair...

but then it grew on me.

I am usually not a fan of chest hair...

But its been growing on me lately.

Blonde dyes her hair brown, because she's tired of all the blonde jokes

this blonde girl dies her hair brown because she's tired of all the jokes she decides to take a ride one day in her convertible. She's got the top down and she's cruising up an Old country road.And comes across this sheep herder. So she stops and pokes her head over the convertible and says excuse m...

Where does a horse have the most hair?

On the outside.

Someone said to me that my hair gel looked like snot:

I replied: "No! It's not!"

A cult attempted to indoctrinate a hair stylist...

But despite their efforts, they just couldn’t condition her.

My homeboy got rear-ended on a motorcycle wearing a bright green shirt, with shiny red hair: It kind of makes sense....

It was hard to miss him

Did you guys hear about the lady who put Gorilla Glue in her hair?

She asked for a refund, but they won't give her silverback.

Three women (one blonde, one brunette, one black haired) are sentenced to death by firing squad.

The commander says to his troops, "Ready, aim, " but before he could finish, the brunette yells out, "Tornado!" This distracts the officers and she runs free. The commander starts again and says, "Ready, aim," but the black haired woman yells out, "Hurricane!" This again distracts the officers and s...

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use honeycomb

Walked into my barber's shop today and he said wow you really need a hair cut.

I said no I need them all cut.

Because of lock down my hair has never been longer

But it is really starting to grow on me

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Scarlett Johansson and some guy were the only survivors of a shipwreck.

They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was...

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him... after all, there wasn't anybody els...

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My favourite joke to perform. Terrible accent recommended.

Pierre, zee French fighter pilot is with his amour.

"Oh, Pierre, I want you to kiss me", she exclaims.

And so he tilts her chin up and leans in, but just before he plants a kiss on her lips, he pours a little red wine on them, and then goes in for the kiss.

"Oh, Pierre, mon di...

Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?

Because he conditioned it.

Why did Pavlov have such great hair?

He conditioned it well!

I just saw a sign that said "laser hair removal 50% off"

I guess that might be acceptable for some people, but I want it 100% off if I'm paying for it.

So I nutted in this girls hair a few weeks ago....

I know Im black, but she didnt need to call it gorilla glue ):

Why is pubic hair curly?

So it doesn't poke your eyes.

What did the police say about the hair stylist turned super villain?

Their evil plans were dye-a-follicle.

So the Pope goes down into a deep vault below the Vatican, where they keep the most ancient sacred texts.

Scholarly Priests spend decades examining these handwritten scrolls for translation errors. The Pope finds one of them hard at work and asks if he has found anything.


"Why yes, your Excellency. Look here, where we have always thought it said 'smite', but there's an 'R' there, it clea...

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Yesterday when I got home from work I pointed my wife's hair dryer at my balls and turned it on. My wife asked, "What in the world are you doing?" I replied, "Warming up your dinner."

Unfortunately, I didn't realize she had just started a new diet.

Homer Simpson takes his yellow, spiky-haired son to a bar. The bartender pulls up a shotgun and aims it at the boy.

I regret saying this, but the bartender lives up to his name.

A man goes to the barber and the barber asks, 'how would you like your hair cut?'





The man replies : "In silence"

For the first time in history, a US president haven't grown old, gray haired and tired by the stressful tasks of his presidency ...

... Instead everyone else did.

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"Why do you women use hair straightening irons?" "To make our hair look longer!"

Doctor: "How did you manage to get that burn on your penis, Sir?"

A blonde is tired of being teased, so she dies her hair brown and moves to the countryside...

A blonde is tired of being teased, so she dyes her hair brown and moves to the countryside. As she’s driving home one day she spots a farmer leaning on a fence chewing a piece of straw.

“Ha, I’m going to put one over on that dumb farmer!”, she says to herself, pulling over.

“Greetings,...

My hair is always really messy, and I can never get organized.

I asked me friend today ''hey Jess, how do you get your hair like that?'' and she told me it's natural.


I wish that I had Jessie's curl

I've never had my hair so long in my life. At first I hated it.

I'm not sure why but it's growing on me.

What did Che Guevara get stuck in his hair?

Guerrilla glue.

A policeman was interviewing 3 guys who want to become detectives.

To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh....

A guy walks into a bar and sits down. There is a small menu on the bar, so he picks it up and reads:

"Cheese sandwich: $2.50
Handjob: $5"

A gorgeous woman is the bartender, and she comes over to get the guys order. He asks her "are you the one who gives the handjobs?" The leggy blonde flips back her curly hair and silkily says with a wink and seductive smile "why yes, I am."

"Well...

Found a human hair in my McDonald’s burger. I was so surprised....

... I didn’t know that they use natural ingredients.

Looking back on 10 years of marriage

Wanted to save this story for one of my favorite subs.

When I first met my wife we went on our first date and I was pretty nervous. I wanted to take her somewhere different to break the monotonous “first date” vibe of coffee or drinks so we decided to go to a local apiary to help transpla...

There was a curly haired painter who was very successful.

There was a curly haired painter who was very successful. But then there came a new artist who's painting rivaled even his own best pieces. The usually very calm and docile curly haired man started to resent this competition and plotted how to get rid of him. Over the years he tried, unsuccessfully...

In Minecraft nobody can grow pubic hair

They can only grow cubic hair

A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store with a beautiful, much younger gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring o...

When I was growing up my Mum always use to wash my hair in lager

It wasn't until many years later that I realized I had been fostered......

What do you call it when a person using glue as hair spray gets into arguments with people online who are laughing at them?

Gorilla Warfare.

How does Moses style his hair?

With a parting

I told my wife she looks better with her hair back

She explained "that's not how cancer works"

A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

They were appalled at his spiky hair, pierced nose, tattoos and a bad attitude. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Honey," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."

"Of course he is," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing...

People that grow facial hair as they get fatter

Are morebeardly obese.

Howdy this is Elvis and I have a joke for you fine people today. How come my hair has turned grey?

Because I never dyed.

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I emptied a bottle of leftover hair-dye down the toilet.

Shit got dark pretty fast.

“Mommy, why is some of your hair white?”

“Well, you see my child,” says the mom.

“Every time you make me sad, one hair turns white.”

“Oh really mommy,” exclaims the daughter.

“So then what did you do to grandma?”

What’s the difference between parsley and pubic hair?

Nothing...

When encountered simply move aside and carry on eating

I went to get my hair cut today but there were so many in front of me.

After an hour the manager started to hand out hot dogs and burgers as an apology for the long wait.

It was the Best Barber Queue ever!

A blonde changed her hair color

There was a blonde who was fed up with all the blonde jokes she had heard. So she changed her hair color to to brown.

She was driving along a country road and saw a shepherd herding sheep. She stopped and dared the shepherd. She asked if she could take a sheep if she could guess how many of t...

"Doctor, I think I'm going deaf."

Doctor said, "Describe the symptoms."


\- "Well, Homer is bald, Marge has blue hair..."

People say that stress can make you lose your hair...

and pulling your hair can be a root problem.

An elderly couple named Bill and Helen went to the county fair each year.

One year, a man at the fair was giving helicopter rides for 50 dollars. Having never been in a helicopter in all his years, Bill begged Helen to let them ride. She refused, quipping "50 bucks is 50 bucks."

The following year, the man was there again, and again Bill begged for a ride. Again H...

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What's the difference between ball-hair and a hairball?

One is found under a dick, the other comes from a pussy.

My hairs been getting long lately, my family keeps telling me to cut it, but I dont know...

Its kinda been growing on me

Three "facts" school taught me that turned out to be false

1. Pluto is a planet
2. You won't always have a calculator in your pocket
3. Girls don't like having their hair pulled

What’s the most expensive haircut in the USA?

Chemotherapy

I just found my first grey pubic hair!

Normally these things don’t bother me but it was in my Big Mac...

A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively "You've got great hair!" The man looked around but couldn't see where the voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer.

A minute later, he heard the same soft voice say "You're a handsome man!" The man looked around, but still couldn't see where the voice was coming from.

When he went back to his beer, the voice said again "What a stud you are!" The man was so baffled by this that he asked the bartender what ...

I used to have a friend with the most beautiful blonde hair

I haven't seen them in so long and I really hope they didn't dye

What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?

No, seriously. This thing is scaring the hell out me.

Ugh... My hair has never been this long before, and all the salons are closed due to the pandemic. I wish I had emo hair...

...so it would cut itself.

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A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap.

He’s telling a dumb-blonde joke when a young platinum-haired woman jumps to her feet.

“What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands. “What does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?”

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology....

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My friend was dating two blonde haired, blue eyed twins from Sweden, but he couldn’t tell the difference between them.

He finally worked out that Anna has a little freckle on her right butt cheek, and Bjorn has a moustache.

A blonde moves out to the country....

A blonde moves out to the countryside because she's tired of people in the city assuming she's dumb because of her hair color. She dyes her hair brown, packs up, and moves out. On her way to her new house she passes a shepherd with a herd of sheep. Eager to start her new life, she pulls over and pos...

$50k in hair extentions was stolen from a downtown hair salon,

Police are still combing the area for clues.

As I stood infront of the mirror, combing my hair to one side, I couldn't help but shed a tear.

Alas, parting is such sweet sorrow.

miracle

One day in heaven, Saint Peter decided that it was time for a vacation, so he asked Jesus to watch the gates for him for a bit. The first day on the job Jesus saw an old man approaching. The man had white hair and a beard, and he looked somehow familiar. He spoke to the man and asked, "Have you been...

If Satan ever lost his hair

There would be Hell toupee


(I’ll see myself out)

A Woman & a Shepard

(Preface: My father told me this joke when I was little.)

There once was a woman who was sick of all the blonde jokes she had been the victim of. So, she decided to make a change - she dyed her hair, freshened up her wardrobe, even bought herself a new car. Feeling like a bee person, she vent...

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A 60 year old man was starting at a 17 year old teen, particularly his hair, on the bus.

The boy, who had just coloured his hair various shades started feeling uncomfortable by the old man's gaze.

Unable to take it anymore, the boy shouted - "What is it old man? Can't stomach when people do wild things?"

The old man replied - "I once fucked a peacock when I was a teen. Wo...

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Mercedes

A police officer was standing on the side of the road, as he saw a dirty beggar drive past in a brand new Mercedes. He thought to himself:

"That's unusual."

So, without hesitation, the officer jumped in his car and pulled the beggar over, came up to the window and asked:

- Tel...

Ive noticed recently that I can guess what style of facial hair someone has behind their mask.

I think I might be hairvoyant

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Your hair smells nice.

Everyday a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the water cooler, inhales deeply then tells her "your hair smells nice." A weeks of this and she can't stand it anymore, she takes her complaint to a supervisor in personnel and states she wants to file a sexual harassment grie...

Hairdresser: Would you like a haircut ?

Boy: No, I’d like them all cut

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A horse has been stolen from old farmer Sven, so Sherlock Holmes was called to the scene to investigate the crime.

The horse was black with white big spots on it according to farmer Sven. Holmes searched for clues together with his trustworthy friend and assistant, Dr. Watson, and found a vague trail of horse cloves and a persons shoes going away towards a strangers stable.

Holmes knocks on the door to t...

Where does The Joker get his hair done?

Arkham Hairstylum

A new competition!

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I recently entered a competition to see who gained the most weight and lost the most hair," he tells the bartender. "What the heck? Why?" the bartender asks. "Oh, they didn't call it that," the guy replies. "It was advertised as 'high school class reunion,'...

A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.

When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".

There is a reason why Daniel Craig has grey hair in the new James Bond film.

It's because he's got 'No Time to Dye'.

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear

Fuzzy Wuzz had no hair.

If Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear without hair, Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t very fuzzy was he?

(This still cracks me up 20+ years outside the 2nd grade classroom where me and my boys gut-laughed to tears over this)

Since I haven't cut my hair since the lockdowns, I told my wife, "My hair is longer than my johnson."

She said, "that's not saying much."

What zodiac sign doesn't have hair

Cancer

What’s 30 metres long and has no hair?

A conga line at a cancer clinic

Bath night

A couple take in a beautiful young lady as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath but if she wanted to she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.......

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said...

I asked this lady if I could touch her hair.

She said yea. So I rubbed my finger across her top lip and that’s how the fight started, your honor

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A little girl goes up to her mom and asks “Why are you getting gray hair?”

A little girl goes up to her mom and asks “Why are you getting gray hair?” The mother responds, well every time you do something that upsets me I vet a gray hair.

The girl thinks for a minute. Then says, wooow you must of really pissed off grandma.

Two cannibals meet one day.

The first cannibal says, “You know, I just can’t seem to get a tender missionary. I’ve baked them, I’ve roasted them, I’ve stewed them, I’ve barbecued them, I’ve tried every sort of marinade. Just can’t seem to get them tender.”

The second cannibal asks, “What kind of missionary do you use?”<...

I love running my fingers through my wife’s hair.

It’s a nice way to remind her that I love her, and also that we’re out of napkins.

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A woman walks into a doctors office

After getting through the door she stomps her way to the reception desk. Not waiting for even a greeting she blows up " I WANNA TALK TO DOCTOR JOHNSON AND I WANNA TALK TO THAT MOTHERFUCKER RIGHT NOW!" With eyes the size of dinner plates the receptionist rushes to retrieve the doctor. Moments later ...

A priest goes to the barber and has his hair cut.

He wants to pay but the barber says it is free of charge for a man of faith. The next morning the barber finds 5 silver coins in front of his door.

A buddhist goes to the barber and has his head shaved. He wants to pay but the barber says it is free of charge for a man of faith. The next mor...

A rope walks into a bar and orders a beer

The bartender says “we don’t serve ropes at this bar, you gotta leave.”

The rope goes into the parking lot and messes his hair up and ties himself into a box knot.

He goes back inside and orders another beer.

The bartender says, “aren’t you the rope that was just in here?”
...

My wife claims that she can wax off my chest hair without causing any pain, but I’m a little nervous.

I don’t think she will be able to pull it off.

My parents never taught me how to groom my hair.

It all fell on my shoulders.

A long haired 16 year-old with a rich grandmother is trying to get her to buy him a car, but she says she will only do it if he cuts his hair

Not wanting to lose his long hair, the teenager argues with her over the course of days. "Grandma, all the other kids have a car!" She replies "I don't care, cut your hair and you can have one too." This argument is repeated multiple times a day, with him also making other arguments. Grandma doesn't...

She went missing !

Husband: My wife is missing. She went mountain biking yesterday and has not come home!

Officer: Age?

Husband: I'm not sure. Somewhere between 25 and 35. We don't do birthdays.

Officer: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

OFFICER : Weig...

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Whats the similarities with Donald Trump's Hair and a thong?

They both barely cover the arsehole.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How can you tell Donald trump has fake hair?

Is that your final answer?

>!Dude holds all press conferences next to a fucking helicopter and his hair doesn’t move!<

I started shaving my beard recently

I've finally started growing facial hair, so I shaved for the first time this morning. I'd say I did a pretty good job, but I think I missed some spots when I was drying off. I'm still a little wet behind the ears.

A ventriloquist is performing and makes a blonde joke.

A blonde woman in the audience is offended and says “How does my hair color affect my intelligence and value as a person?” The ventriloquist apologizes and promises not to make any more blonde jokes for the rest of the performance. The blonde says “I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to the guy o...

If that fly laid eggs in Pence’s hair

...He damn well better carry them to full term!

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