There was an old man who lived by a forest.

As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting.

He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the...

Why was Pavlov’s hair so messy?

Because he didn’t condition it.

Asked my wife if I could run my finger through her hair

She nodded and said she would like that.

I started brushing across her top lip,

And that's when the fight started....

I recently entered a competition to see who had gained the most weight and lost the most hair.

Obviously, it wasn’t called that. It was advertised as a ‘School Reunion.’

A blonde woman was getting tired of all the blonde jokes she heard, so she dyed her hair and set out to prove them wrong while “undercover”

She came across a huge heard of sheep and saw their shepherd.

“Hey! If I can correctly count all your sheep, can I have one?” she asked, eyeing a chance to prove blondes could at least do basic math.

The bored shepherd answered, “Yeah, sure”.

The blonde set about counting and...

I went to the barbers earlier and said I wanted my hair cutting like Tom Cruise.

So he put a cushion on the chair.

"I really don't think you have a case, sir," said the detective as my wife washed her hair and cried from the bathroom.

"How can you say that?!" I demanded. "That hairstylist is a monster!"

"Look, sir, I can't just go around arresting every barber that gives a bad haircut." He glanced at his notes. "Even if he made her 'look like Captain Kirk.'"

"I never said he made her look like Captain Kirk!" I barke...

What does parsley and pubic hair have in common?

Push it aside and keep on eating...

Lot of good things about having a mum who's a hairdresser. Getting my hair dyed at home, for example.

That's a personal highlight.

I found my first grey pubic hair today.

Normally things like this don’t bother me, but it was in my Big Mac.

If Satan ever loses his hair...

...there will be hell toupee.

What does Batman use to wash his hair?

Conditioner Gordon.

NSFW How do you get rid of unwanted pubic hair?

Spit it out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s does Donald Trump’s hair and a thong have in common?

They both barely cover the asshole.


Thank you for the silver anon person!!

I used to hate facial hair

But then it grew on me.

What do you call it when someone makes fun of your facial hair?

A side-burn

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 60 year old man was starting at a 17 year old teen, particularly his hair, on the bus.

The boy, who had just coloured his hair various shades started feeling uncomfortable by the old man's gaze. Unable to take it anymore, the boy shouted - "What is it old man? Can't stomach when people do wild things?"

The old man replied - "I once fucked a peacock when I was a teen. Wondering ...

My girlfriend wanted to dye her hair red...

But she spilled it all over the bathroom.

It looks like someone dyed in there.

Three women are looking at their hair in the mirror.

The first says, "I really need to get this cut and styled so I can have pigtails."

The second nods. "I'm looking for more of a ponytail look." She laughs. "Isn't it funny how many styles are named after parts of animals?"

The third girl laughs. "I know right? Just the other day, I got ...

What is it called when a sick wookie loses all its hair?

Wookemia

Why did cavemen drag their women by the hair?

Because if you drug them by their feet they'd fill up with dirt

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little girl and her muffin

A little girl goes to the barbershop with her father.

She stands next to the barbers chair, eating a muffin while her dad gets his haircut.

The barber smiles at her and says, "Sweetheart, you wanna sit down and watch your daddy you're gonna get hair on your muffin."

"I know," sh...

Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?

Because he conditioned it!

What is 200 feet long and has no pubic hair?

The front row of a Jonas Brothers concert.

A blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes going around and decided to dye her hair brown.

She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

"Hey, shepherd! If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?" The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. Out of the blue, she blurts out "352!" He is stunned but keeps his word and allow...

I went to get my hair cut today

But there were so many in front of me.

After an hour the manager started to hand out hot dogs and burgers as an apology for the long wait.

It was the Best Barber Queue ever!!

Someone suggested I grow out my hair, but only in the back.

Told him I'd mullet over.

My bald dad commented on my hair earlier.

He said I had hair like an emo.

He wasn’t too happy when I said he had hair like a chemo.

Today a large truck full of hair restoring tonic, overturned and flooded the street.

Police are combing the area.

I used to rub and tie my hair together whenever I got stressed.

Now I’m dreading the consequences.

A blonde colors her hair red and moves countryside

She meets a farmer and challenges him: "If I can guess your profession, I get your dog for free."
The farmer agrees.
The blonde declares that he is a farmer, and wins the bet.
As she's stuffing the animal into the trunk of her Fiat, the farmer says: "if I can guess your real hair color, ca...

A guy on the street asked me how I keep my hair looking so slick..

I guess he was gel-less.

When a short person says you have nice hair.

You quickly check your zipper.

Why woman play with their hair when they wake up?

Because they have no balls

How does the man in the moon cut his hair? (From my 9yo child)

Eclipse it.

Girl: Look mommy, my (you know what) is growing hair!

Mom: That's okay, it's natural that we grow hair on our monkeys!
Girl: Look sister, I'm growing hair on my monkey!
Sister: That's nothing, my monkeys already eating bananas!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.

She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

“We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the...

When I started growing my hair out, I really didn't like it at first.

Then it grew on me

Every time my wife gets her hair dyed, she records it on her phone.

I think she watches the highlights later.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A very elderly gentleman,mid ninety's,very well dressed, hair well groomed,great suit,flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good aftershave,presenting a well looked after image,walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.

Seated at the bar is an elderly lady,mid eighties.

The gentleman walks over,sits along side of her,orders a drink,takes a sip,turns to her and says"So tell me do I come here often?"

How do you stop children with thick curly black hair from jumping on the bed?

Put velcro on the ceiling.

I asked my brother why he keeps his hair long

He said : well, I didn't like at first, but then it kind of *grew on me*

A crook robs an old man with gray hair...

A crook runs out of an alleyway to rob an old man with gray hair.

He runs up in front of the man, pulls out a gun and then says, “Give me all your money!"
The old man says, "But I work in congress!"
Enraged, the crook yells, "THEN GIVE ME ALL OF MY MONEY!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know what we call the hair between grandma’s boobs?

*her vagina!*

My local hair dresser just got charged with drug dealing.

I am shocked. I've been a customer of his for years. He never told me he cut hair.

Who Did Princess Leia's Hair? (My daughter's joke)

Darth Braider



(I know, I know. She's a kid though. Lol)

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'

'Of course child. What may I do for you?'

‘Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried to set up my hipster friend with this awesome guy. He’s rebellious, has dope beard and long wavy hair, hangs around with quirky outcasts, hikes, doesn’t want to own useless crap and knows all the coolest party tricks.

Yeah. Turning hipster girls into Christianity is surprisingly easy.

After his last appointment, my son complained about how his hair looked. I told him it'll grow on him.

His oncologist, on the other hand, is not as optimistic.

My hair is straight but my body isnt...

...I have scoliosis

Three Southern Ladies Are Chatting In A Hair Salon

First lady says "I call my man Sugar"

The others a ask "Why?"

"Because he' so sweet"

Second lady says "I call my man Tree"

The others a ask "Why?"

"Because he' so big and firm"

The third lady says "I call my man Courvoisier"

The others a ask "Courvois...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest gets his hair cut.

He goes to pay the barber who refuses his money. "I cannot charge a man of the cloth." So the next day the grateful priest sends him a dozen roses.

A minister goes to the same barber. He gets his hair cut. He goes to pay the barber who refuses his money. "I cannot charge a man of the cloth."...

What do you call a blonde that has dyed her hair?

Artificial intelligence.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Life is like your ass hair

Short and full of shit

Even in the morning, when most people's hair is scruffy and looks bad, Will Smith's still looks amazing.

Some call him the Fresh Prince of Bedhair.

A barber asks his client, how do you want your hair cut?

The client replied 'in silence'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW

Sally has been feeling harassed by one of her coworkers, John. She tells her employer that he has been harassing her and he asks her, "What does he do?"

She says, "He always tells me my hair smells nice."

Her boss replies, "That's not really sexual harassment."

Sally says, "He's...

Hey, waiter, there is a hair in my dinner! This is disgusting.

What are you eating, sir?

Rump roast.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An older gentleman was standing at a bus stop, observing a young man with orange, green, and blue spiked hair.

After a few moments, the young man said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild?"

The old man smiled and said, "Well, yes. I once had sex with a parrot, and I was wondering if you might be my son..."

I wanted to tell a joke about pubic hair to a unvaccinated child.

But i said he won‘t get it anyway.

Trump tries to avoid the wind, not because of his hair...

But because of the draft.

Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?

The baabaa shop



(the other best joke from my son)

The balloon was very happy when I rubbed on my hair.

It was ecstatic.

A barber gets his first client of the day and begins cutting his hair

The barber asks the client “What do you do?”
The client responds “I’m a waiter at the Italian restaurant down the street.”

The barber says to him “You’re in the service industry, I’m in the service industry, this haircut is on me.”

The next morning, the barber comes back to his shop...

My hair and I have a love-hate relationship

It's always sticking up for me, even when I don't ask it to

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair

Fuzzy Wuzzy's matches on Grindr were pretty disappointed by this discrepancy.

I applied for a hairdressing course the other day

Sadly i didnt make the cut

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked the hairdresser to cut my hair like Elvis.

Stupid bastard started dancing around the shop.

(From my wife) - “What do you call someone who has spent a lifetime braiding hair?”

Master-braider

:-)

What's the best way to get bubblegum out of your hair?

Cancer.

I was really not of fan of body hair.

It's grown on me, though.

What do you call a bee having a bad hair day?

A frizzbee

Why is a bees hair sitcky?

Because it uses a honey comb

If someone stole your favorite hair piece.

What is the price you are willing toupee to get it back?

After years of being bald, the idea of hair doesn't sound too bad.

It's starting to grow on me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back.

Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

The hairdresser was washing my hair, she said "Do you want any conditioner?"

I said, "Extra volume?" and she said "DO YOU WANT ANY CONDITIONER?!"

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair

Her mom calmly said, “That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair.” the girl smiled.

At dinner, she told her sister, “My monkey has grown hair.”


Her sister smiled and said, “That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas.”

There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked.

He asked his mother what the hair between her legs was.

She responded,"My washcloth."

Weeks later after the mother had the baby, the young boy walked in on his mother again. While she was in the hospital, the doctor shaved her pubic hair.

The boy asked his mother, "What happen...

What do you call the girl with dandruff who missed her appointment at the hair salon?

Flakey

What type of facial hair does a ghost have?

A soul patch

What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his teeth?

A glad-he-ate-her.

What's the most effective way to remove a sticky chewing gum from your hair ?

Cancer.

A Man Goes to the Barber and the Barber Asks, "How Would You Like Your Hair Cut?

The man says, "In silence."

If Trump's hair sees it's shadow...

the government shutdown will last for 6 more weeks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sometimes I tell everyone I'm going for a shit, then sneak off and wash my hair instead.

I have a sham-poo

What do you call ninjas with red hair?

Ginjas....

Breaking News: Thieves break into Wig Factory; Steal 500 pounds of hair.

When questioned by the press, the owner said, "When these guys are caught, there's gonna be hell toupee!"

I just started a pubic hair removal business, and I’m only taking in female customers for the first few months.

I don’t want to go nuts right away.

So a ginger friend of mine got their hair dyed, I guess you could say they are now...

A transginger

What’s the difference between a bad hair day and a queef?

One is a fussy part.....

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