What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A hooker can wash her crack and use it again.

Every recipe for meatballs I find says to crack open a couple of eggs into some ground beef.

I guess that's why the two yolk is always in the cow mince

A Holocaust survivor goes to heaven. He finds himself standing in front of God. Being a funny guy, he cracks a joke about the Holocaust.

God: "That's not funny."

Survivor:. "Huh. Guess you had to be there"

I'd crack open a cold one, but...

The hospital won't let me back in after last time.

What is a crack head's favorite song?

I wanna rock!

How many New York City cops does it take to crack an egg?

None. The egg tripped.

I became a crack addict...

When I started going to the chiropractor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm an ass man. Addicted to ass.

It's like crack to me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If doing crack makes you a crackhead, doing meth makes you a tweaker, what does heroin make you?

Really fucking high.

Have you heard about the pothead who tried crack for the first time?

He thought it was dope!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I woke up at the crack of Dawn yesterday

Told her to get her ass out of my face and get dressed.

This is now the longest government shut down in US History. In lighter news, if seeing who will crack first on the border wall is prolonging it, then this shut down truly is...

a Mexican stand off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wanted to crack an ass joke

Butt fuck it

A cocaine guy, weed guy and crack guy had one thing in common.....

They all take the “high” way to their destination.

My friends say that my sudden urges to crack open a cold one is becoming a problem.

I just don't see the issue with necrophilia.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you sniff coke off of someone's butt

...is it called crack cocaine?

My coworker asked me if I wanted to crack open a cold one after work.

And that’s how I learned he was a necrophiliac.

Crack flavoured pringles

once you pop, you really can’t stop

Apparently the former limbo world champion is now a homeless crack addict...

Just makes you think, how low can you go?

Can I tell you an egg joke? Its gonna “crack” you up!

Sorry I got so eggcited I forgot what the yolk was.

Our crack team of experts has done the research

They need more crack.

I woke up at the crack of dawn...

So I told her to get off my head and let me get some sleep.

Cant beat the classics.

If a crack forms in your yard

Is it your fault?

Why did H2O crack down on the NaCl?

They tried to un-ionize.

What's 7 inches long and hasn't been sucked in over 2 years?

Whitney Houston's crack pipe.

I once met a recovering crack addict

He couldn't stay clean for more than a day. His quest for sobriety was a pipe dream.

A manager cracks a joke. Everyone in the team laughs except one guy.

"Didn't you understand?" the manager asks.

The guy replies : "I resigned yesterday."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a guy dies...

...and finds himself in hell. Walking around, he runs into the devil.

Devil: Why are you so sad?

Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.

Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Devil: Well ...

I’ve only smoked crack once...

For 5 years!!!

A German taught me how to crack eggs today.

It was ei-opening.

How do you crack a joke on r/Jokes?

ctrl+v.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was working on sealing a leak in a crack in my foundation when a friend told me I should look for one at the sex shop...

...At first I was skeptical but I gave it a try and I must say, I was quite disappointed because it was everything but plugs.

I'm a programmer, my wife works part-time in tech support. (NSFW)

Last Friday night, we felt a little frisky, so we made a trip to the bedroom. For her, everything went great. For me... Not so much. An hour later, I had yet to climax once.

So my wife had a brilliant idea. She went to our living room, grabbed some books we'd bought so we could teach our kids...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can't believe...!

Person 1: I can't believe after all that shit they're back together!!!
Person 2: Who?!
Person 1: My ass cheeks.

I've used this many times in person, and it still cracks me up to this day lol

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men go to hell and they’re pissed

“Surely we weren’t that bad?” they ask themselves. “There has to be something we can do to get out of here.”

Satan suddenly appears and says “Oh, but there is! Withstand ten whippings from my trusty whip here and you’re free to go. I’ll even let you pick something to cover your back with”
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed,

A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by her saying,
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."

The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'

The little girl said, "I don't know...

Always cracks me up when I hear this one.

Professional Overwatch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a crack house that sells breast implants?

A booby trap.

I started making love at the crack of Dawn

And I finished on her face

A guy buys the new Iphone 8 , He puts it in his back pocket when he hears a crack

I hope that was my spine he said.

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did...

Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return.

Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple.

"Who is it?"

"It's Mark."

Jesus opens the door.

"What did you bring Mark?"

"Marijuana from Colombia."

"Very well son, ...

A man walks into a bar and sits down He asks the barkeep "If I can show you something you have never seen before, can I drink here for free tonight?"

The barkeep thinks about it and says "well I have seen a lot of stuff, if you can genuinely show me something I have not seen before, I will pick up your tab tonight".

So the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a minature piano and sets it on the bar, then he reaches into his other pock...

I'm new to drug jokes

But I'll take a crack at it

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