Why does Batman only wear dark colors? Easy. Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colors?

Easy.


Batman doesn't want to get shot.

Man: My girlfriend is pregnant, but I always wear a condom. How did this happen?

Doctor: Let me tell you a story; a hunter carried his gun with him everywhere he went. One day, he mistakenly grabbed his umbrella and went out. A lion attacked him and hoping to scare it off he pointed the umbrella at it like a rifle and yelled "Bang" and the lion dropped dead.

Man: That's i...

Why does Waldo wear striped clothes?

Because he doesn’t want to be spotted.

Trump is 72 years old and doesn't wear glasses.

I think this is because he's got 2020.

Did you know Ghandi didn't wear shoes and often fasted?

Walking barefoot all the time hardened his feet, but hunger weakened his body and made his breath smell terrible.

In fact, you could say he was a
super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis

Why don't cows wear shoes?

Because they lactose


(Lack toes)

What do you call it when Iron-Man wears the Ant-Man suit?

Tiny Stark

What do you call a cat that you wear on your wrist?

Aristocrat

What size shirts do psychics wear?

Medium

Why do java engineers wear glasses?

Because they can't C#

Did you hear about the French man who always wears denim?

His name is Jean Jaquette.

I think it’s a good idea to wear two different deodorants, one under each armpit.

But that’s just my two scents.

Why did the Little Mermaid wear seashells?

Because Dshells were too big.

Why does Ariel wear seashells for a bikini top?

Because the B-shells were too small.

Why can’t Iron man wear Spiderman’s suit?

He’s dead

Why don’t Painters wear sweaters?

..............................cuz they already put on two coats!

What does an Australian bricklayer wear at work?

A bloody hell, mate!

What did the Little Mermaid wear to math class?

Her algae bra.

I usually don’t wear these socks out in public...

They’re not for goin out, they’re for coming in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do black people wear hoodies more than white people?

Black people wear them outdoors, on the streets while white people wear them indoors at their weekly meetings.

What do ghost cowboys wear?

BoOoOts

Little Girl says to her Mum, I want to donate a lot of the clothes I don't wear to all of the little girls that don't have any, Mum says who are these Girls??

You know, the ones on Daddy's computer.

Thirty children dead after their school mandated they wear bulletproof vests to prevent shootings.

Swimming lessons should probably have been exempted.

Real men don't wear sunscreen.

They cry at night.

Thanks to global warming, Inuit women are being forced to wear less and less clothing.

*No ice.*

What fashionable shoes do ninjas wear to the anesthesiologist?

Numb Chucks.

What type of shoes do frogs wear?

Open toad.

For our recent field trip, our teacher told us that jeans were appropriate, but we weren’t allowed to wear pairs with holes in them.

I still don’t know how we’re supposed to get the darn things on!

Why don’t woodpeckers wear underwear?

Because their peckers are on their faces.

If you are wearing formal wear, try this: Roll up the big tongue and small tongue of your necktie and let them go at the same time, guess which tongue would roll out completely first?

It's a tie.

What do thin alleles like to wear?

Skinny genes.

What does a wheel wear

Attire

Why do the French wear such big underwear?

It's easier to make white flags.

What do you call a reptilian detective that wears a sleeveless shirt and just can't let something go?

An InVESTed Gator

If any of you here are thinking of getting married, consider the following before you do.

On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.

On the other hand, you don’t.

Why didn't Confucius wear condoms

Because he who has a hot iron, melts rubber

Do you know why golf players always wear 2 pants?

In case that they get a hole in one

Why do the Welsh wear kilts?

Because sheep can hear zippers from a mile away

Why does Waldo wear stripes?

He doesn’t want to be spotted


*edit: now if I ever tell people this joke, I risk people thinking I copied it off of reddit D:

This power washer says you're supposed to wear safety goggles when you use it.

I can't see why.

Why did the Italian wear handcuffs to bed?

So they wouldn't talk in their sleep

Why should you never wear soviet era pants?

Chernobyl fallout

What do clouds wear under their shorts?

Thunderpants!

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don’t work!!
#dadjokes

What did the lawyer wear to court

Lawsuit

Why don’t witches wear undies?

To get a better grip on their brooms.

Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear casual clothes so they won’t be identified as clergy.

They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and soon hit the beach. They notice a gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini.

"Good afternoon, Fathers," she says as she strolls by.

The men are stunned. How does she know they’re clergy? Later they buy even wilder attire: surfer shorts, tie-dyed T-shirt...

I hate guys who wear UFC attire, like Tap Out gear. They think they're telling the world, I'm tough, don't mess with me.

But what they're really telling the world is I only get to see my kid every other weekend. I don't think that's anyone's business.

Why do nuns wear the same outfit every day?

It's a habit.



(I made this one up. I doubt I am the first to do it. )

What kind of makeup does a sad clown wear?

Frowndation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with five penises went to the doctor and the doctor asked how he wears a condom the man said,

“Like a glove”

What does a programmer wear?

Whatever is in the dress code.

I don’t know why people wear players’ jerseys at games.

Who do they think they’re fooling?

Why kind of clothes do cowboys wear?

Ranch dressing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.

Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.

He eventually decides to go and see a Doctor.

The Doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicle...

Q is showing James Bond a new super high tech spy earpiece and Bond says, "why don't I just wear an airPod? Everyone has them hanging out their ears nowadays. I won't draw any suspicion."

Q responds, "we researched them. Ours are less expensive."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why doesn't Donald Duck wear pants?

He has feathers to cover his butt quack.

I’d make a joke about foot wear but...

I probably shoe-dent

What would a house wear?

Address

What does an undertaker wear?

Underwear...

I'll let myself out...

What did medieval postmen wear?

Chain mail

What kind of underwear does an artist wear?

Drawers

What kind of athletic garments do knights wear beneath their suits?

Under Armour

An estimated 70% of women who wear yoga pants don’t do yoga.

An estimated 100% of straight men do not care.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate it when they wear condoms in porn. What's the point?

Men can't get each other pregnant.

Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?

In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.

The wife asked if she could wear one of my wife beaters today...

I was like "Yeah, knock yourself out".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I didn't know what to wear to the premature ejaculation club

So i just came in my pants

Girl, I want to wear you like a pair of sunglasses...

One leg over each ear...

A girl won't date me because she'd be taller than me when she wears heels

It's her sole reason.

I'm looking for the man who wears a paper towel as a hat...

...he has a bounty on his head.

What shirt size does Bill Gates wear?

Excel.

What do thermometers wear for underwear?

Kelvin Klein

What do you call a guy who only wears a loincloth and a crown of thorns?

A cross-dresser

A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives.

To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...that'...

Why does Putin often forget to wear a shirt?

Because he's always Russian.

LPT: Always wear hearing protection when you go to concerts

This is sound advice.

What did Fred Weasley wear?

Forever 21

My employer made a rule forbidding females to wear yoga pants or leggings to work and the women are very upset about it.

I think they should just put on their big girl pants and get over it.

I was out shopping tonight, when I saw a new brand of condoms called, "Olympic." Trying to get in to the spirit of things, I bought a pack and when I got home, I sprinted in singing the Olympic theme song and proudly showed them to my wife...

"Olympic condoms!?" she asked. "What makes them so special? Are we only going to use them once every four years?!"

Chuckling, I replied, "No,no! You see, there are three colors, Gold, Silver and Bronze!"

"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asked cheekily.

"Gold of co...

When is the best occasion to wear a gravestone marker hat?

When your hair is dyed

I told a girl she looks better without glasses

Girl: "But I don't ever wear glasses"

Me (while cleaning my glasses): "But I do"

Q: Why did Ariel wear seashells?

A: She outgrew her B shells.

What does a guy with two left feet wears to the beach?

Flip flips

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have an appointment with a premature ejaculation support group tomorrow. I wasn't sure what I should wear.

They said just come in your pants

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