Why does Waldo wear stripes on his shirt?

Because he doesn’t want to be spotted.

Why does Batman only wear dark colors? Easy. Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colors?

Easy.


Batman doesn't want to get shot.

Man: My girlfriend is pregnant, but I always wear a condom. How did this happen?

Doctor: Let me tell you a story; a hunter carried his gun with him everywhere he went. One day, he mistakenly grabbed his umbrella and went out. A lion attacked him and hoping to scare it off he pointed the umbrella at it like a rifle and yelled "Bang" and the lion dropped dead.

Man: That's i...

What kind of socks do bears wear?

They don’t, they go bear foot.

Why dont witches wear panties?

So they can grip their broom better.

What does a house wear?

Address

Why shouldn’t you wear Russian Y-fronts?

Because Chernobyl fall out.

Why do cows wear bells around their necks?

Because their horns don't work!

What does chromosomes like to wear?

Genes.

The day before my wedding, my dad sat me down and said, “Before you get married tomorrow, consider the following carefully. On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring...”

“And on the other hand, you don’t.”

What does a snail wear when they need to carry a lot of things?

Escargot Pants

What kind of shoes does lord Voldemort wear?

Horcrocs.

What kind of shorts do clouds wear?

Thunderwear.




I’ll let myself out...

People who wear glasses must be really excited for next year.

It's the first time they'll see 2020.

What kind of pants do tires wear...

...when they go hiking?

Cargo shorts!

....when they're in the pool?

A speedo

My 8 year old's work. I've never been so proud of her!!

I think it’s a good idea to wear two different deodorants, one under each armpit.

But that’s just my two scents.

Why doesn't Donald Trump wear glasses?

BECAUSE HE ALREADY HAS 2020

Why do Scottish men wear kilts?

Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

Trump is 72 years old and doesn't wear glasses.

I think this is because he's got 2020.

I went on a diet so I could wear a watch instead of a belt!

Total waist of time.

What kind of deodorant does Leonardo DiCaprio wear?

Old Sport

Did you know Ghandi didn't wear shoes and often fasted?

Walking barefoot all the time hardened his feet, but hunger weakened his body and made his breath smell terrible.

In fact, you could say he was a
super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis

Why do lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin down.

Why does the Little Mermaid wear seashells?

Because D shells are too big.

Why can't you trust people who wear sunglasses?

Cause they are shady as hell. You can see it in their eyes

I wear diapers for 2 reasons

For number 1 and for number 2.

What did the biologist wear on his first date?

Designer genes!

I used to wear a lot of women's clothing

Eventually they found out and I had to buy my own.

Why does Jesus wear Crocs?

Because they're holy.

What shoes does hilliary clinton wear.......

Scandals!!!!!

My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with wearing a different t shirt every hour.

I said, “Wait, I can change.”

Why does Snoop Dog wear a raincoat?

For drizzle

What kind of pants to Mario and Luigi wear?

Denim denim denim

What does a short sighted detective wear?

Suspectacles

They've invented a new version of rugby where only people who wear glasses can play it.

It's a non-contact sport.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Mrs. Ippi bought Virginia a new winter coat. What did Della wear?

Idaho. Alaska.

I don’t like girls who wear makeup...

Because they mascara me away

To wear or not to wear single vision glasses

As a long time vision glasses user I just love it when people try to uplift my spirit saying :
"-OMG, you look so much better without wearing your glasses!...
To which I started to reply :
-Why thank you, indeed, you're looking so much better as well when I'm not wearing them "

What do you call a cat that you wear on your wrist?

Aristocrat

Why don't cows wear shoes?

Because they lactose


(Lack toes)

Why do Java developers wear glasses?

Because they can't C#.

Why can’t Iron man wear Spiderman’s suit?

He’s dead

What type of underwear do long distance runners wear?

Marathongs

What do you call it when Iron-Man wears the Ant-Man suit?

Tiny Stark

What size shirts do psychics wear?

Medium

Why does Waldo wear stripes?

He doesn’t want to be spotted


*edit: now if I ever tell people this joke, I risk people thinking I copied it off of reddit D:

Little Girl says to her Mum, I want to donate a lot of the clothes I don't wear to all of the little girls that don't have any, Mum says who are these Girls??

You know, the ones on Daddy's computer.

Did you hear about the French man who always wears denim?

His name is Jean Jaquette.

What do you wear to a Mexican funeral?

A somberero

Why does the cow wear a bell?

Because the horn isn't working.

What do ghost cowboys wear?

BoOoOts

Why does Ariel wear seashells for a bikini top?

Because the B-shells were too small.

What does an Australian bricklayer wear at work?

A bloody hell, mate!

Why don’t Painters wear sweaters?

..............................cuz they already put on two coats!

I usually don’t wear these socks out in public...

They’re not for goin out, they’re for coming in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do black people wear hoodies more than white people?

Black people wear them outdoors, on the streets while white people wear them indoors at their weekly meetings.

What fashionable shoes do ninjas wear to the anesthesiologist?

Numb Chucks.

What does a frog wear when playing sports?

Lily Pads

Thirty children dead after their school mandated they wear bulletproof vests to prevent shootings.

Swimming lessons should probably have been exempted.

Thanks to global warming, Inuit women are being forced to wear less and less clothing.

*No ice.*

Real men don't wear sunscreen.

They cry at night.

What does a wheel wear

Attire

If you are wearing formal wear, try this: Roll up the big tongue and small tongue of your necktie and let them go at the same time, guess which tongue would roll out completely first?

It's a tie.

Do you know why golf players always wear 2 pants?

In case that they get a hole in one

Why do the French wear such big underwear?

It's easier to make white flags.

What do you call a reptilian detective that wears a sleeveless shirt and just can't let something go?

An InVESTed Gator

For our recent field trip, our teacher told us that jeans were appropriate, but we weren’t allowed to wear pairs with holes in them.

I still don’t know how we’re supposed to get the darn things on!

Why did the Italian wear handcuffs to bed?

So they wouldn't talk in their sleep

Why didn't Confucius wear condoms

Because he who has a hot iron, melts rubber

This power washer says you're supposed to wear safety goggles when you use it.

I can't see why.

What does a programmer wear?

Whatever is in the dress code.

What do you call a lizard that wears cloths?

Mark zuckerberg

What did the lawyer wear to court

Lawsuit

Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear casual clothes so they won’t be identified as clergy.

They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and soon hit the beach. They notice a gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini.

"Good afternoon, Fathers," she says as she strolls by.

The men are stunned. How does she know they’re clergy? Later they buy even wilder attire: surfer shorts, tie-dyed T-shirt...

Why do nuns wear the same outfit every day?

It's a habit.



(I made this one up. I doubt I am the first to do it. )

I don’t know why people wear players’ jerseys at games.

Who do they think they’re fooling?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with five penises went to the doctor and the doctor asked how he wears a condom the man said,

“Like a glove”

I hate guys who wear UFC attire, like Tap Out gear. They think they're telling the world, I'm tough, don't mess with me.

But what they're really telling the world is I only get to see my kid every other weekend. I don't think that's anyone's business.

What kind of makeup does a sad clown wear?

Frowndation.

Q is showing James Bond a new super high tech spy earpiece and Bond says, "why don't I just wear an airPod? Everyone has them hanging out their ears nowadays. I won't draw any suspicion."

Q responds, "we researched them. Ours are less expensive."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I didn't know what to wear to the premature ejaculation club

So i just came in my pants

What does a ghost wear when it's raining outside?

Booooooooooots

I’d make a joke about foot wear but...

I probably shoe-dent

An estimated 70% of women who wear yoga pants don’t do yoga.

An estimated 100% of straight men do not care.

The wife asked if she could wear one of my wife beaters today...

I was like "Yeah, knock yourself out".

Why kind of clothes do cowboys wear?

Ranch dressing

Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?

In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why doesn't Donald Duck wear pants?

He has feathers to cover his butt quack.

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