What do you call Iron Man without his suit?

Stark naked

A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit...

.... The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit.
She ...

A man walks into the tailors and asks to try on some of the suits

The salesman obliges and gives him some options. The customer, however, hates all the options and after an hour of trying them on, throws the suits down in disgust. “These are all terrible!”, he cries.

Exasperated, the salesman throws his hands in the air and says, “Fine, suit yourself!”

Johnny died. The same day Jimmy died. Johnny’s wife brought his suit to the funeral home. Jimmy’s wife brought his motorcycle jacket to the funeral home. The funeral director was getting ready to roll Johnny out to the viewing when his wife realized that Johnny was not wearing his suit, But instead…

... was wearing a motorcycle jacket. The funeral director apologized and said he take care of it.

The funeral director rolled Johnny back to the back room and within two minutes brought him back dressed in a suit.

His wife was amazed. “How did you change the suit so quickly?” She asked...

In the bedroom, my girlfriend really likes it when I wear a suit.

She’s got this kinky fantasy where I have a proper job.

How much does a furry suit cost?

Your dignity

A blonde and a brunette are on an elevator as a gentleman in a suit gets on.

The gentleman gets off and the brunette notices he has a dandruff problem. She says to the blonde, “someone should give that man Head & Shoulders!”
The blonde says, “how do you give shoulders?”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Joe goes to buy a new suit after surgery

This joke belongs to Buddy Hackett (August 31, 1924 – June 30, 2003)

I never saw a version here that correctly attributed this to him.

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Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.<...

Who wears a red suit and knows if you were naughty or nice?

The Spanish Inquisition.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An elderly gentleman walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is in his mid-80s, well-dressed, hair well-groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of an expensive after shave. He presents a very nice image.

Seated at the bar is a classy looking lady in her mid-70s.

The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits alongside her. He orders a drink and takes a sip.

He slowly turns to the lady and says: "So, tell me; do I come here often?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A great fitting suit

The fellow was being sold a very cheap suit. “But the left arm is a lot longer than the right arm,” he complained.

“That’s why the suit is such a bargain,” the sales clerk explained. “Just cock your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like thi...

What do you call a long, skinny fish wearing makeup and a suit of armor?

Pretty Sir Eel

What do you call a suit that's been tailor-made for a ghost?

Bespook

When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings...

You know she's a keeper...

I keep having this recurring dream about a horse wearing a suit of armor

Actually, it may be more of a knight mare.

Some guy is looking for a job.....

.….so he checks the zoo which is the only place left. Desperately, he asks the zookeeper "Sir, are there any job openings available? I'll do anything." So the zookeeper says "Well, our gorilla just died, so we need somebody to put on this gorilla suit until we can finally get a real gorilla to repla...

A young man robbed a bank wearing a suit made of many mirrors

But he turned himself in after taking some time to reflect.

Luckily the judge was lenient as he saw a lot of himself in the young man.

Since you're in a suit & tie, I'll have to charge you a $20 fanciness fee.

"Fanciness fee? What the hell is that?"

"It's a sircharge."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I bought a defective pack of playing cards. It had only three suits and all the cards were jacks.

I'm still trying to get a refund from those heartless bastards.

A man in a business suit walks into a bar during normal working hours

He yells "Barkeep! I'll have a shot and a beer"

Bartender pours his drinks and slides them over to the man.

The man pounds the shot and takes a sip of his beer. He smiles at the barkeeper and says, "That's certainly refreshing after the day I've had"

The Bartender replies, "I wa...

As a defense attorney for ED malpractice suits, I had a terrific strategy. . .

but it didn't stand up in court.

What do you call a magician wearing a rainbow colored suit?

Hue-dini

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her mom that she has missed her period for two months.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Fer...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I actually find one piece bathing suit to be more sexy.

Doesn't matter if you keep the top or the bottom.

As a social experiment, I wore a fat suit for 1 month.

It was a test to see what it was like to be your mom.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a black man in a space suit?

An astronaut, you fucking racist

Suit sales.

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk’s hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him.

“Guess what, sir?” the clerk said. “I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we’ve had so long!”

“Do you mean that ...

What's the best type of food to eat while wearing a suit?

Thai Food!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you say to a black man in a 3 piece suit?

Will the defendant please rise?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A lady had lost her husband almost two years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her to get back into the dating world. Finally, she said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.

Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom, I have someone for you to meet!"

Well, it was an immediate hit.

They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain.

Their first night there, she undressed and so did he.

There sh...

What do you call a man from Sydney in a suit in the middle of the desert?

A lostralian.

Whats The Difference Between a Hobo On a Unicycle And a Man In a Suit On a Bike?

Attire.

A robber held a man in a suit at gunpoint

"Give me your money," demands the robber
The affluent man replies, "You can't do this! I'm a US Congressman!"
The robber shouts, "In that case, give me **MY** money!"

I heard Darth Vader's suit was really expensive.

It must have cost him an arm and a leg.

What do Iron Man's suit and the small bus have in common?

They both transport Downey jr.

What did T'Challa ask Tony Stark about his suit?

Wakanda suit do?

So these two ladies walk into a mortician's office.

The first woman says to the mortician, "I've got my husband here in his very best blue suit, but what I'd really appreciate is if you could have him in a black suit for the funeral. Here's a blank check, use whatever you need, I just want him in a black suit."

The mortician agrees and thanks...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Hearts, diamonds, clubs, spades... oh? Looks like this house of cards has a fifth suit.

Sexual harassment suit.

Why is Christmas just like your job?

You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

A man walks into a tailor to buy a tuxedo. He confidently tells the tailor he doesn’t need any assistance. The tailor says…

... "Fine. Suit yourself."

Did you hear the story about skin-toned bathing suits?

It was fake nudes.

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Well, ...

A hillbilly walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for divorce.

Attorney: "May I help you?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces".

Attorney: "Well do you have any grounds?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I got about a hundred acres."

Attorney: "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"

Hillbilly: "No, I don't have a Cas...

I threw my dog a stick and he brought me back a suit.

It was quite fetching.

A banker decided to get his first tailor made suit.....

A young banker decided to get his first tailor made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business.
As he was preening himself in fron...

While on trial, the defendant shows up alone in a suit of armor. The judge is perplexed.

The judge, curious as to what the hell the defendant is doing, asks him why he's wearing the suit of armor.

The defendant announces,

"Your honor, I wish to defend myself!"

I put on a full suit to check my grades

I wanted to look my best at my funeral

What do you call Dora the Explorer in an Iron Man suit?

FeDora

I'll see myself out.

I had an idea for a suit made entirely of banana skins...

but no one seemed to find it very appealing.

One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers.

One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers. They traveled to a Hydra base surrounded by four barriers.

When they got to the first barrier, Hulk smashed it.

When they got to the second barrier, Tony Stark fired up his Iron Man suit and blasted a hole through it.

When they got to the t...

I was going through my wardrobe, trying to select a suit for my grandmother's funeral.

I said, "What shall I wear?"

"I don't really care," said my mum. "As long as you don't you stick out."

It's not easy being a necrophiliac.

Woman: "I'm a sucker for a man in a suit and tie."

Man: "You had me at 'I'm a sucker'."

What kind of suit does a lawyer like best?

The Spanish Inquisition.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

James is suffering from severe headaches. [Long]

For as long as he can remember, he's had debilitating headaches that have hampered his life in every way. He finally seeks medical help. After some tests, the doctor returns:

"James, I don't know quite how to say this. It seems your testicles are pressing against the base of your spine, pi...

An astronaut is the first to step onto an alien planet.

An astronaut is the first to step onto an alien planet. The alien's are so excited that they change all their signs to English, and even rename some of their places and landmarks after Human places and landmarks and things.
The astronaut decides the first place he wants to go is a pub. He sees ...

What is space like without a space suit?

Breathtaking

I walked outside my house wearing my Saran Wrap suit,

my neighbor said "I always knew you were crazy, but now I can clearly see your nuts!"

A man stranded on a deserted island sits looking out over the ocean as he has done every day for the last 7 years...

Always the same view. Today however he spots something among the waves. Rubbing his eyes in disbelief he realizes it's a person swimming towards shore. He jumps to his feet and begins running down towards the beach. Is he going crazy? Is this real? It's been so long since he has seen another human. ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 men are wandering the desert and find a magic lamp

One of them picks it up and gives it a rub and a genie pops out.

"Thank you for freeing me, as a sign of gratitude I shall grant each of you 3 wishes."

The first man quickly speaks "I wish I had a million dollars!" the genie nods and the man gets his phone, checks his bank account and ...

Wore an orange suit for the first time today...

I stand by my convictions.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Gave a random guy in a suit a ride to his job

He has a chest with him so my friend asked him what he had in his box and he told me friend "it's none of your fucken business" then I asked him the same question and he said "just like I told your fucken friend that it's none of your fucken business. I pulled over and kicked his ass out of my car ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Bill suffered an excruciating pain in his balls since childhood. No doctor could ever diagnose what was wrong with them. So finally, they suggested him to get them operated.

After the operation, now being a free man, with slightly lesser pain than earlier, he was happy and wanted to start his life afresh. So he went to the garments shop closest to the hospital.

'Excuse me, I'd like to buy a suit, could you please take my measures?' said Bill to the owner of the s...

A man has been stuck on a desert island for 10 years

when he notices an unusual speck in the distance.

“It’s certainly not a ship,” he thinks to himself.

As the speck gets closer and closer the man starts to rule out the possibility that it’s a small boat or even a raft.

Suddenly, emerging from the surf, is a beautiful blonde woma...

C, E-flat, and G go into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bathroom, saying...

Arriving home from a shopping trip, a wife was horrified to find her husband in bed with a pretty girl.

Just as the wife was about to storm out of the house, her husband called out: ‘Before you go, I want you to hear how all this came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired. I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had for...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The new suit

There is a man who is afflicted with the most terrible excruciating headaches, every minute of every day for the last 15 years of his life. he goes from doctor to doctor but none can diagnose his condition or provide any lasting treatment. but he doesnt give up hope and one day finally comes across ...

What did Thor start calling Ironman after he learned the suit was made out of gold titanium alloy?

Ironyman

... To be fair Goldtitaniumalloyman just didn't have the same ring.

A man was stuck at a desert island for 20 years. One day, he saw something approaching.

With joy, the man looked at the approaching blur.
At first, it appeared to be a ship, then a boat, then a raft and ultimately a woman in a diver's suit came out of the water.
They talked. The woman asked, "How long since you last had a cigarette ?"
The man said, "20 years !"
The woman un...

A young guy suffers from debilitating headaches (slightly long)

After going through many tests over several months the doctor says the only way to cure them is to cut off his balls. After another couple months the pain is so great the patient finally agrees to the operation. A week after the operation the patient is super depressed and asks the doctor what he c...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Newlywed Couple Waited for Marriage to Have Sex...

A couple wanted to wait to have sex until the night of their wedding. As the big day got closer the bride tells the groom she has a confession to make.

"I am as flat as a board. I'm sorry, I have been using the best padded bras on the market to make people believe I actually have breasts. I ...

A teenage boy asks his crush out to prom...

She agrees and he says he is going to make it the best night of her life. He doesn't want to let her down so he goes to buy a super nice suit, but the line at the suit store is massive. He groans and reluctantly waits in line for hours before finally getting his suit.

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Nex...

Q: What do you call a trucker wearing a suit and tie?

A: the defendant

Source: I'm a trucker. (reformed)


For the young and/or foreign:

Defendant - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defendant‎
In a criminal trial, a defendant is any person accused (charged) of committing an offence (a crime), an act ...

What do you call a guy in a suit sitting in a tree?

Branch Manager

Why didn't the vampire purchase the expensive suit?

He just couldn't ever see himself wearing it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Marcus and Yacov, two Hasidic Jews, went to Pincus the tailor for new suits.

"Pincus," Yacov said, "the last time we came to you for new suits, we told you we wanted black suits. The suits you made were not black. They were sort of dark grey maybe, but not black, We need new suits, and this time we want black suits, from the darkest cloth there is."

Pincus reached beh...