My friend is making easy money by selling photos of salmon dressed in suits.

It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

How does the Hulk look in a suit?

*Smashing.*

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A man was in line to meet the Pope. He was wearing his best suit.

The Pope came towards him. But, he stopped and whispered something in the ear of the man right next to him. This man was a bum dressed in a dirty shirt, ripped pants, and he smelled bad. “Of course,” thought the man.”He wouldn’t stop to meet me.The Pope only talks to the needy and misfortune.” So, h...

What happens when you go inside in a snow suit?

It melts.

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A very elderly gentleman,mid ninety's,very well dressed, hair well groomed,great suit,flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good aftershave,presenting a well looked after image,walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.

Seated at the bar is an elderly lady,mid eighties.

The gentleman walks over,sits along side of her,orders a drink,takes a sip,turns to her and says"So tell me do I come here often?"

Why can’t Iron man wear Spiderman’s suit?

He’s dead

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If I saw a man in a suit, jump into a phone booth and then Superman jump out. I’d be like “Holy shit!”

A fucking phone booth!

What do you call a latex suit with spikes inside?

S*pain*dex

What do you call a chicken in a shell-suit?

An egg.

A man dies wearing, a succulent black suit, and his body is taken to a morgue...

.... The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives t...

What do you call it when Iron-Man wears the Ant-Man suit?

Tiny Stark

A boy is preparing his suit in a hotel room alone.

But he doesn’t know how to tie his bow tie. Unable to figure it out he asks the man at the room next door if he can. The man says, “Sure, just lay down on the bed.” The boy is hesitant but in a rush so he follows his instructions. The man hovers over him and quickly ties the bow tie. The boy sits up...

A young banker decided to get a tailor-made suit.

So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business.

As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in th...

I keep having this recurring dream about a horse wearing a suit of armor.

Actually, it may be more of a knight mare.

In another town, the cowboy rides in wearing a paper suit. Paper pants, paper jacket, paper chaps. Even a paper holster!

He wasn't in town ten minutes before he was arrested for rustling.

What do you call Iron-man when he can't take his suit off?

Tony Stuck

"I built a new life support suit that allows me to not have to be entirely confined to a helmet and full body outfit."

\~ Darth Innovader

When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings

you know she's a keeper.

A guy walks into a bar wearing a head to toe radiation suit

The bartender says “I’ve heard of clothing that protects you from the elements, but this is outrageous”

I played cards with a guy in one of those T-Rex suits...

He was a small arms dealer.

What kind of athletic garments do knights wear beneath their suits?

Under Armour

What does a lawyer wear to court?

A lawsuit.

Who wears a red suit and knows if you were naughty or nice?

The Spanish Inquisition.

In the bedroom, my girlfriend really likes it when I wear a suit.

She’s got this kinky fantasy where I have a proper job.

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Joe goes to buy a new suit after surgery

This joke belongs to Buddy Hackett (August 31, 1924 – June 30, 2003)

I never saw a version here that correctly attributed this to him.

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_

Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.<...

This travelling to different countries to watch Suits is getting real expensive!

Netflix US.

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An elderly gentleman walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is in his mid-80s, well-dressed, hair well-groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of an expensive after shave. He presents a very nice image.

Seated at the bar is a classy looking lady in her mid-70s.

The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits alongside her. He orders a drink and takes a sip.

He slowly turns to the lady and says: "So, tell me; do I come here often?"

How much does a furry suit cost?

Your dignity

What do you call a long, skinny fish wearing makeup and a suit of armor?

Pretty Sir Eel

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I bought a defective pack of playing cards. It had only three suits and all the cards were jacks.

I'm still trying to get a refund from those heartless bastards.

Some guy is looking for a job.....

.….so he checks the zoo which is the only place left. Desperately, he asks the zookeeper "Sir, are there any job openings available? I'll do anything." So the zookeeper says "Well, our gorilla just died, so we need somebody to put on this gorilla suit until we can finally get a real gorilla to repla...

A young man robbed a bank wearing a suit made of many mirrors

But he turned himself in after taking some time to reflect.

Luckily the judge was lenient as he saw a lot of himself in the young man.

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A great fitting suit

The fellow was being sold a very cheap suit. “But the left arm is a lot longer than the right arm,” he complained.

“That’s why the suit is such a bargain,” the sales clerk explained. “Just cock your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like thi...

What do you call a suit that's been tailor-made for a ghost?

Bespook

Since you're in a suit & tie, I'll have to charge you a $20 fanciness fee.

"Fanciness fee? What the hell is that?"

"It's a sircharge."

A man in a business suit walks into a bar during normal working hours

He yells "Barkeep! I'll have a shot and a beer"

Bartender pours his drinks and slides them over to the man.

The man pounds the shot and takes a sip of his beer. He smiles at the barkeeper and says, "That's certainly refreshing after the day I've had"

The Bartender replies, "I wa...

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What do you call a black man in a space suit?

An astronaut, you fucking racist

Suit sales.

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk’s hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him.

“Guess what, sir?” the clerk said. “I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we’ve had so long!”

“Do you mean that ...

What do you call a magician wearing a rainbow colored suit?

Hue-dini

As a social experiment, I wore a fat suit for 1 month.

It was a test to see what it was like to be your mom.

Whats The Difference Between a Hobo On a Unicycle And a Man In a Suit On a Bike?

Attire.

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I actually find one piece bathing suit to be more sexy.

Doesn't matter if you keep the top or the bottom.

I heard Darth Vader's suit was really expensive.

It must have cost him an arm and a leg.

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A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back...

The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.

A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the so...

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What do you say to a black man in a 3 piece suit?

Will the defendant please rise?

What do you call a man from Sydney in a suit in the middle of the desert?

A lostralian.

A man walked into a bar. He sat down and asked the bar tender "If I impress you, can I have a free drink?". The bar tender said sure, so the man reached in his pocket and pulled out a tiny piano. He then pulled out a small rat and set it by the piano. It crawled on to the bench and began playing

music. The bar tender was amazed, so he gave the man a beer. Next, the man said "If I impress you even more, can I have free drinks for life?". The bar tender didn't think it was possible, so he agreed. The man pulled a frog out of his pocket, and it began to sing by the piano. The bar tender smiled...

So these two ladies walk into a mortician's office.

The first woman says to the mortician, "I've got my husband here in his very best blue suit, but what I'd really appreciate is if you could have him in a black suit for the funeral. Here's a blank check, use whatever you need, I just want him in a black suit."

The mortician agrees and thanks...

A robber held a man in a suit at gunpoint

"Give me your money," demands the robber
The affluent man replies, "You can't do this! I'm a US Congressman!"
The robber shouts, "In that case, give me **MY** money!"

A man walks into a tailor to buy a tuxedo. He confidently tells the tailor he doesn’t need any assistance. The tailor says…

... "Fine. Suit yourself."

What did T'Challa ask Tony Stark about his suit?

Wakanda suit do?

Why is Christmas just like your job?

You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

JUDGE: I order you to pay $10,000 - do you understand?

MARIO:

JUDGE: It’s a fine.

MARIO [sadly]: No, itsa not.

A popular gorilla exhibit at a local zoo had its only resident pass away

The zoo, not having enough time and money to replace the perished primate, gave one of their employees a gorilla suit and told them to go into the exhibit and act like a gorilla. He at first disagreed, like anyone would, until they offered an enormous raise. He then of course accepted the money and...

What do Iron Man's suit and the small bus have in common?

They both transport Downey jr.

Did you hear the story about skin-toned bathing suits?

It was fake nudes.

I had an idea for a suit made entirely of banana skins...

but no one seemed to find it very appealing.

What do you call Dora the Explorer in an Iron Man suit?

FeDora

I'll see myself out.

I threw my dog a stick and he brought me back a suit.

It was quite fetching.

I put on a full suit to check my grades

I wanted to look my best at my funeral

What's the best pattern for a banker's suit?

Checks!

My dad told me this one, a great man!

A man dies and he's greeted by a man in a suit,
"Welcome to the realm of the dead! Heaven or Hell?" He asks
"Well, ill see which one I like better!"
The man in a suit sends him to Heaven and God greets him, "Hello there, here you will do your chores, live happily, work, etc, just like on E...

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An 18 year old Italian girl tells her mom that she has missed her period for two months.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Fer...

C, E-flat, and G go into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bathroom, saying...

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A Man, A Woman, A Hobby!

A man has been alone on a deserted island for ten years. One day a beautiful woman in SCUBA gear swims up on shore.

"Oh, thank God! I've been alone here for so long!"

She unzips the side of her wet suit, revealing a shapely arm, and says, "Then, you've probably not had one of these ....

Husband Wife and Audi A8

Husband: I lost my wife, she went shopping and hasn't come back yet.

Inspector: What is her Height?

Husband: I never checked

Inspector: Slim or healthy?

Husband: Not Slim, can be healthy.

Inspector: Color of her eyes?

Husband: Never noticed.

Inspector...

What kind of suit does a lawyer like best?

The Spanish Inquisition.

Woman: "I'm a sucker for a man in a suit and tie."

Man: "You had me at 'I'm a sucker'."

I walked outside my house wearing my Saran Wrap suit,

my neighbor said "I always knew you were crazy, but now I can clearly see your nuts!"

I was going through my wardrobe, trying to select a suit for my grandmother's funeral.

I said, "What shall I wear?"

"I don't really care," said my mum. "As long as you don't you stick out."

It's not easy being a necrophiliac.

On the first day of Juvenal court, the judge was sitting down to start reviewing the day's cases.

"Bring out the first defendant," He said to the new bailiff. He left, and came back a moment later with young boy who was accused of shoplifting. He was covered in black soot, wore tattered overalls, and over-sized work boots and gloves.

The judged asked the boy why he came to court ...

What is space like without a space suit?

Breathtaking

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