Why is your nose in the middle of your face?

Because it's the scenter.

An America couple was being shown around Moscow one day, when the man felt a drop hit his nose.

“I think it’s raining,” he said to his wife.

“No, that felt more like snow to me,” she replied.

“No, I’m sure it was just rain,” he said.

Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing.

“Let’s not fight about it!...

If your nose runs and your feet smell

you're built upside down

What do you call a man with one eye, two noses, and three ears?

Ugly

My uncle had a goat with no nose.

It smelled terrible.

The people who wear their masks below their nose actually makes sense...

They're just dumb mouth breathers

What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?

*FULL*

Woke up with 2 batteries in my nose

Doc says I am Double A Symptomatic for COVID-19.

Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?

Cause then it would be a foot silly

What do you call someone with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows

Why shouldn't you go out with somebody who got a nose job?

Because they pick their nose

People with masks that don't cover their nose don't really bother me...

they're all mouth-breathers anyway.

Everyone tells me nose jokes stink...

but I think eye jokes are cornea

Wearing a mask below your nose...

is like wearing a condom with the tip cut off.

30 years ago my uncle stole my nose, and he hasn’t given it back.

-Lord Voldemort

There are ear rings, nose rings, even lip rings

But the ones on the finger they just call them rings and not finger rings.

I gave my girl a banging finger ring and she loved it.

I have green skin, a nose three times the size of the horn on my head, four brown teeth and my neck is covered in furry scales... what am I?

Ugly.

What do cannibals use to clean their noses?

Nose tissue.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a duck without a nose?

A duck. They don’t have noses. They have beaks.

What do you call a dog without a nose?




Whatever his name is. Don’t be a jerk and call him names because he has no nose.

You can’t breathe through your nose while smiling.

Of course you can I just wanted you to smile!

She has ear rings, a nose ring, a lip ring, tongue ring, and nipple rings.

Tell me why I got slapped when I said "I want to give you a finger ring".

I get why a lot of people don’t properly wear masks over their noses

It’s because they’re mouth breathers

I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose.

No one does that to a woman, not on my watch...

I once lied in biology class and told everyone I could touch the tiny hairs in my nose - They all laughed.

I'd never felt cilia.

Why do kids get bloody noses more often than adults?

Sharpe fingernails!

Ian had a swollen nose

One day Joe went to see his friend Ian, and noticed he had a big swollen nose.

“Whoa, what happened, lan?” he asked.

“I sniffed a brose,” Ian replied.

“What?” Joe said. “There’s no ‘b’ in rose!”

Ian replied, “There was in this one!”

Notice how every girl on buzzfeed has a nose ring?

That’s because nobody will ever put one on their fingers

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A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, pleas...

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For the longest time, I never found my ears, eyes, nose, or tongue very sexy.

Then one day, I came to my senses.

Having a big nose isn’t a good enough excuse to not wear a mask.

Take me for example. I still wear underwear.

What do you call cheese stuck up your nose?

A CheeseBooger

Ivanka recently got a nose job.

When she asked her fathers opinion he said “Fake Nose!”

A man returned home with a bloody nose

His wife asked, "What happened? Why are you beaten up?"

The man said, "I was in the elevator, and I farted."

The wife was furious, "What is wrong with society? Someone punched you because you farted?"

The man winced, "no... because I glared accusingly at the guy beside me so no ...

Saw the ticket inspector on my train ignoring passengers and picking her nose.

I reported her for gross missed conduct.

How did Michael Jackson pick his nose?

From a catalog

Imagine if honey was regurgitated through a bee’s nose rather than it’s mouth

Then it really would be the bee’s sneeze

My nose is like all the boys I make eye contact with-

It started running and won’t stop.

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There once was a child born missing an eye...

At birth the doctors decided it best to give the child a wooden eye until the family could afford to get the baby a nice glass eye.

Sadly the family could never afford it. And the boy was bullied a lot in school over it and eventually was taken out and home schooled. Everywhere he went he had...

What do you call a man with no legs and a really big nose?

An amputee.

When I was baptised, the priest wore a fake nose, moustache and pair of glasses.

It was a blessing in disguise.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If your sex doll gets a runny nose, it's not because she's sick

Its because she's full

Yesterday I went to the supermarket, had a stuffy nose when an old lady asked me:

“Are you sick?”

“No, it’s just cocaine”

She looked at me and replied:

“Thank god young men”

What bear always has a runny nose?

A drizzly bear.

While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth.

While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth. Just as he throws another peanut into the air, the front door opens, causing him to turn his head. The peanut falls into his ear and gets stuck. His daughter comes in with her date. The man explains the...

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If a kiss-ass is called "brown nose,"

Would a drunk kiss-ass be called "shit-face?"

Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer has a little known brother.

Randolf the brown nosed reindeer,

he can run as fast as Rudolf, he just can't stop as quick.

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An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day, when the daughter said, "My hands are freezing cold!" The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up."

The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day, the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said, "My hands are freezing cold!"

The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up."

He did and warmed his hands.

The following da...

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A teacher in 1st grade at school is angry with a student that always swears and pays no attention to the lesson

"what's your problem?" Teacher asks

"Miss, I think I shouldn't be in the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm far smarter than her. I should be at least in the 3rd grade" he replies.

She goes with him to the principal, with whom agree to do some knowledge tests.

-wha...

I went outside for a shopping trip today, and i think i'm starting to get a runny nose.

EDIT: Thanks for the cold, stranger!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call an Italian with a golden shower sex fetish and a long nose?

Peenocchio

I was picking my nose and my wife said it was disgusting!

She’s not a big fan of plastic surgery.

Did You Ever Hear About Christopher, The Brown-Nosed Reindeer?

He could run just as fast as Rudolph, he just couldn't stop as quick...

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A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane. The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat.

The man isn’t sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading.

A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat.

The man is becoming more and more curious about the shuddering.

A few more minutes ...

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Bless you

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.
The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading.
A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tiss...

A urologist and a ear nose and throat doctor are golfing

When one of them sees an owl asleep in a tree by the ninth hole. The urologist looks over to the ENT doc and says “hey! I bet you 200$ I can give that owl a vasectomy without it waking up!”
The ENT doc says “you’re on!” The urologist goes up to the owl, rubs a special spot on its neck and perfor...

Where do noses work at?

The ol' factory

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yesterday I hit my face on the door and yelled “I think I have a bloody nose!”

My British friend got upset and said “I know you have a nose dumbass.”

A joke inspired by my 5 year old daughter who was trying to make up jokes.... why was the booger who was stuck in your nose so upset?

Because he wasn't picked yet.

Obviously this is where dad jokes and humor come from.

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Why do noses run and feet smell?

I don't know, but my ass itches and my finger stinks.

Did you know you can not breath through nose when you smile

Haha I just made you smile

I need to get myself an electric nose hair trimmer

Scissors just won't cut it anymore :/

What did one electron say to the other electron that was picking its nose?

You repulse me in so many ways

TIL the scientific name for mucus in your nose is nasal ejaculent

No it's snot

Contrary to your body not feeling good while you are sick, your nose must feel the best ever.

Because it keeps on running.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A young woman seduces and marries a 90 year old rich man in hopes of quickly inheriting his wealth...

She’s convinced he won’t even survive their wedding night so she takes care to find the sexiest negligee and high heels certain to give him a heart attack on sight. That night after the wedding she finishes getting ready in the bathroom and she seductively saunters out to the bedroom expecting to ma...

A blond sits for a medical school entrance exam.

Needless to say, he failed.

These are his answers:

Antibody - against everyone

Artery - the study of painting

Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria

Caesarean section - a district in Rome

Cat scan - searching for a lost kitty

Chronic - neck of a crow
...

A Man goes to a bar with his friend at his friend favourite bar after they are few drinks down someone yells 26

Everyone starts laughing including his friend and this guy is confused he asks his friend what's happening before his friend can answer someone else shouts 94 everyone including his friend is in splits now the guy starts getting really confused. After few moments of silence someone says 153 eve...

When you pick your nose it's ok but when someone else does it it's disgusting.

Pick your own nose.

I have 3 eyes , 2 noses and a mouth. What am i ?

Ugly.

Rudolph the Red-nosed reindeer died today over Barcelona. He was struck by a flock of seagulls and a 747.

Eyewitnesses say the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.

doctor 1: this sailor broke his nose from crashing onto land.

doctor 1: Luckily they're just mariner injuries.

doctor 2: are you shore? they seem pretty bad to me.

doctor 1: nonsense, you can seafarer self.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman calls her husband in panic...

"Honey, my lips are swollen. I think I may have an allergic reaction!"

Her husband drives home as fast as he can to bring her to the hospital, but when he gets home he sees nothing out of the ordinary about her.

"Honey, you said your lips were swollen?", he asks. She looks down with an...

Why do gorillas have such big noses?

Because they’ve got big fingers!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On Sunday, I walked into the weapons store one day and noticed a banner advertising sarin gas.

I went up to the cashier and asked, "Isn't this stuff illegal?"

The cashier replied, "This isn't your ordinary sarin. This type helps you lose weight," gesturing towards another banner claiming that inhaling a whiff of it every day would help me lose 50 kilos by the end of the week.

Fe...

I have four eyes, three noses, five mouths and seven ears. What am I?

Ugly

A man and his wife went fishing one day. As they were fishing, they spotted the Coast Guard coming towards them.

Wife: "Honey, we caught four fish, and we are only allowed three, so lets throw one back into the sea."

Husband: "Are you mad, woman, that's our food for tonight. Take one fish and hide it in your panties."

wife: "And what about the smell???"


Husband: "Just block the fish'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A notorious loan shark is driving drunk one night...

As he's speeding down some curvy mountain roads, the shark loses control of the vehicle and crashes head-on into a tree.

When he comes to, the man finds himself lying on a sofa in a fairly modest looking waiting room. Dizzy, he looks around and sees what appears to be a reception desk at the ...

What was the snowman doing with his hand in a bag of carrots?

He was picking his nose.

Everyone knows how Bert the Brown Nose reindeer got his name, but nobody knows how Rudolph did

Rudolph the regular nose reindeer was on sabbatical and took a brief trip through Portland Maine.

While Rudolph and his life partner Gary were there, they spotted a fortune teller on the other side of the street. As the pair crossed the road, a truck carrying industrial red naval paint swerv...

A guy goes to the doctor...

A guy goes to the doctor, he walks into the doctor's office with a carrot in his ear and a courgette (zucchini) up his nose.

The doctor immediately says '*before you sit down, i can tell what's wrong with you.'* *'Oh yeah!?'* says the guy.

*'Sure'* says the doctor - *'you're not eating...

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Three vampire brothers decide to hold a competition to see which one of them is the most powerful

The first brother is the strongest.

"Watch this," he says, and takes off at nearly 100 miles per hour. Two minutes later, he returns, his mouth covered in blood.

"What happened?!" his brothers exclaimed.

"You see that mansion over there?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I went over...

Man goes to the doctor with some lettuce growing out of his nose.

Doctor says "is it painful?"

"Painful? That's just the tip of the iceberg."

Ran into a Chinese guy on the street with his car up on a jack and a bloody nose.

He was trying to change a flat tire. I asked him what had happened and he told me in broken English that he had tried to borrow some tools from the house across the street and the husband attacked him. I asked him what he said to the man that made him so angry.

He said:

"I told him I ...

I've got my mother's eyes and my father's nose

I think my brother got the better deal, he got left their house and money.

An Aussie phones an ambulance because his mate's been just hit by a car

Aussie: Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I think both his legs are broken.

Operator: What is your location sir?

Aussie:On Eucalyptus Street.

Operator: How do you Spell that sir?

Silence..... (heavy breathing) and after a minute or so....

What is a man's Ultimate embarrassment?

Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.

My nose is too big.

It can run but it can't hide.

Some people say they pick their nose

I think I was just born with mine.

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