This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane. The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat.

The man isn’t sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading.

A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat.

The man is becoming more and more curious about the shuddering.

A few more minutes ...

Why can’t your nose be 12 inches?

Because then it would be a foot.

What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?


What do you call a nose with no body?

Nobody knows.

Why is the nose in the middle of your face?

Because it's the in the scenter.

A man walks into his doctor's office with a carrot in his ear and a banana in his nose. He asks, "What's wrong doc?"

The doctor replies, "You're not eating right."

When your nose is a-runny, and you're out with your honey, don't think it's funny...

...Cuz it's snot.

I just scratched my nose and a screw fell down

The moment I took to realize it was from my glasses have been the most unsettling five seconds of my life.

I played "I've got your nose" with a clown

... but the police caught me red handed

What is green and races out of your nose at 200 MPH?

A Lambooghini!

Nose jokes stink

But eye jokes are cornea

Patient: “Doc, it hurts when I touch here (taps forehead), here (taps nose), here (taps chin), pretty much everywhere.”

Doctor: “You have a broken finger.”

I have three noses, twenty arms and 10 eyes, what am I?

A liar.

what do you see in a cows nose?


When your nose is really runny everybody thinks it's funny

But it'snot.

I thought I had something in my nose

But when I looked in the mirror there was snot

What happens when your nose falls off?

You as-Sphinx-iate!

I’ll show myself out.

A man went to a doctors office with carrots sticking out of his nose, and broccoli coming out of his ears.

The doctor took one look at him and said, “Well I can tell right away you‘re not eating right.”

My nose gets clogged and unclogged periodically

It's sinusoidal

What do you call the long part of your nose?

The hypotenose

Why do pigs have a ring through their nose?

To make pulled pork.

A nose walks into a bar and asks for a drink

Bartender says; I cant serve you, your already off your face

Today I learned where plastic surgeons get new noses for their patients...

At the olfactory.

My daughter said her nose is running.

So I made a finish line by the door.

After a night out partying, my brother shows up with a huge bandage on his nose. His girlfriend said,"His nose was broken in three places."

Turns out it was exactly the same three places I had warned him not to go when he'd been drinking.

If your nose is running and your feet smell..

You are upside down...

What do you call a deaf guy with three legs, two noses, four ears, and a unibrow?

It doesn't matter, he isn't gonna hear you.

Why does the Great Sphinx not have a nose?

Chuck Norris once told it "There's something on your chest."

What has three eyes, two noses, and a tail?

Antivax baby.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

You know you have a small pp when

..when you run into a wall with a boner and break your nose first.

I woke up with a really stiff neck. I got out of bed, went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, my face was white as a sheet! i had a big red nose, bright red fuzzy hair and a really tiny bowler hat on top. I turned on the tap and glitter poured out. Then i realised what had happened..

I slept funny.

Where do you strike a captain on the nose?

the bridge

My nose is exhausted

It's been running all day.

Thanks Dad.

I feel like my nose is bleeding.

It's snot though.

Lost my watch at a party last night. Saw a guy stepping on it while he was harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose.

No one does that to a girl...not on my watch.

A man jumps into a lion's cage to save a 5 year old boy by punching the lion in the nose

Soon, reporters are on the scene.

"Why don't you tell us a bit more about yourself"

"Well, I'm currently a stockbroker, but I got out of the Army only two years ago"

"What do you do for fun"

"I'm an avid fisherman, and I teach rifle safety classes for the NRA"


My daughter asked me, "Daddy, why is your nose in the middle of your face?"

I smirked and replied, "Because it's the scenter."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I went to a party, but to my horror, everyone was wearing costumes! I opened my wallet, pulled out a condom and rolled it over my nose. The frowning host asked me, "What're you supposed to be!?"

I replied, "Fuck knows."

There used to be a girl nicknamed Rudolph at my school, not because she had a red nose...

...but because she used to go down in history.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
'Nurse,' he mumbles from behind the mask. 'Are my testicles black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'

He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please ...

Told my friend his nose was runny

He said it’s not

Little Johnny comes to class with a swollen nose..

Teacher " what happened ?"

Little Johny : I tried to smell a brose .

Teacher : there is no 'b' in a rose.

Little Johnny : well there was one in the one I smelled.

There are two kinds of people in the World. People who pick their nose,

and liars

I hate people who don’t cover their noses and mouths when they sneeze.

They make me sick.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man was arrested for ejaculating out his nose

But he did nutting wrong

I keep blowing my nose

My friend is telling me it’s a cold but I keep telling him it snot.

You know what they say about guys with big noses?

They smell well.

Why didn't the viper viper nose?

Because the adder adder 'andkerchief.

My nose is having a marathon today.

It can't stop running.

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose...

... but you can’t wipe your friends off underneath the couch.

What do you call a creature with 6 legs, 3 eyes, 2 noses and no ears?

Anything you want, it can't hear you

A man walks into his doctor’s office and says: “My nose just keeps on running,”

“But that’s not even the worst part about me either, doc. My feet smell an awful lot! Surely you must have a remedy for both.”

The doctor replies: “Well I’m sorry to tell you there’s nothing I can do. It doesn’t seem like you need a medical professional, but rather a bio-mechanical engineer!”...

What has 4 arms, 2 noses, and complains all the time?

My pregnant wife

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the difference between a brown-noser and a shithead?

Depth perception.

Why is Owen Wilson’s nose all messed up?

He KaCHOO’ed too hard!

Did you hear about the assassin with no nose?

He retired. Couldn't handle the scentless violence.

What's the worst thing that can happen to a man?

Running into a wall while erect and breaking your nose.

Why is your nose in the middle of your face?

Because it's the scenter.

Most of my friends pick their noses...

But I was just born with mine.

I have three and a half legs, four arms but only two hands, two noses but only one nostril and one eye. What am I?


Mum was asking her three Sons what part of their body they would change if they could: So Billy what would you change? my nose because it is too big, Brian, my Eyes because they are brown, Johnny my Bum, Mum says why is that Johnny is it too fat??

No it's got a Crack in it.

The police just found a pizza topped with human noses in a serial killer's fridge.

It was a Dahmer nose pizza.

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