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What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?

Full

Having a big nose is not an excuse for not wearing a mask.

I still wear an underwear.

If your nose runs and your feet smell

you're built upside down

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Although COVID spreads mostly through the mouth & nose..

..scientists now conclude the greatest risk comes from assholes.

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were ...

Why was Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer getting a divorce?

Because every time his wife went out, she'd end up blowing 50 bucks

Why can’t you have a 12 inch nose?

Cause then you have a foot on your face, which is an improved look for you actually.

What would have Bigfoot been called by Native Americans if he had a big nose instead of big feet?

Schnozzsquatch

At first, I really hated the large pimple on my nose.

But it’s grown on me.

Why is your nose in the middle of your face?

Because it's the scenter.

Why isn't the human nose 12 inches long?

Because then it would be a foot

What do you get when you pick a pigs nose?

Ham boogers.

What do you call a Nose that has a job as a Health Inspector?

A Scenter for Disease Control.

Mildred, the local gossip and self appointed keeper of the church’s morals, kept poking her nose into other people’s business.

Several members of the church did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but kept to themselves in fear of reprisal.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused a new member, George, of being an alcoholic after seeing his old pickup parked outside the town’s only pub one afternoo...

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How do you break a blondes nose?

Put a dildo under a glass table

What do you call a man with one eye, two noses, and three ears?

Ugly

What happened to your nose?

One day Max went to see Carl. Carl had a big swollen nose.

“Whoa, what happened, Carl?” Max asked.

“I sniffed a brose,” Carl replied.

“What?” Max said. “There’s no ‘b’ in rose!”

Carl replied, “There was in this one!”

A man with a large growth on his nose is in a failing marriage.

He comes home from the doctor, and his wife asks how it went.

The husband replies "Wonderful! I've lost two inches from my waist, my blood pressure is in a healthy range, and I no longer have any problems with my posture."

The wife looks perplexed.

"In fact" the husband conti...

The people who wear their masks below their nose actually makes sense...

They're just dumb mouth breathers

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A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her 3rd grade class.

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Princip...

Why shouldn't you go out with somebody who got a nose job?

Because they pick their nose

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Two virgins get married

Two virgins get married and go on their honeymoon.



Unfortunately, neither of them knows what to do so they call the groom's mother for advice. The mother says that they should sit together on the bed, kiss and snuggle, and things should happen from there.

The newlyweds do that ...

Wearing a mask below your nose...

is like wearing a condom with the tip cut off.

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An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day:

The daughter said to her mother. “My hands are freezing cold.”

The mother replied. “Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up.” The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said. “My hands are freezing cold.”<...

Woke up with 2 batteries in my nose

Doc says I am Double A Symptomatic for COVID-19.

What do you call a nose that’s not attached to a body?

Nobody knows!

My dog's got no nose.

How does he smell?

Awful!

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The third grade teacher was teaching English and repeated for her class...

"Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow/And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go." She explained that this was an example of poetry, but could be changed to prose by changing the last line from "the lamb was sure to go" to "the lamb went with her."

A few days lat...

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A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane..

The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading.
A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, and then shuddered violently once more.
The man assumed that the w...

People with masks that don't cover their nose don't really bother me...

they're all mouth-breathers anyway.

I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose.

No one does that to a woman, not on my watch...

What do cannibals use to clean their noses?

Nose tissue.

A man murdered his wife and was sentenced to death.

There was a crowd waiting around the gallows to watch. As the hangman put the noose around his neck, he was asked, “Do you have any last words?”

The murderer said, “Yeah, I have a joke that I came up with while I was waiting.

“So, I hadn’t showered for a week by the day I killed my wif...

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A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, pleas...

What do you call cheese stuck up your nose?

A CheeseBooger

Why do kids get bloody noses more often than adults?

Sharpe fingernails!

You can’t breathe through your nose while smiling.

Of course you can I just wanted you to smile!

Everyone tells me nose jokes stink...

but I think eye jokes are cornea

30 years ago my uncle stole my nose, and he hasn’t given it back.

-Lord Voldemort

I have green skin, a nose three times the size of the horn on my head, four brown teeth and my neck is covered in furry scales... what am I?

Ugly.

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What do you call a duck without a nose?

A duck. They don’t have noses. They have beaks.

What do you call a dog without a nose?




Whatever his name is. Don’t be a jerk and call him names because he has no nose.

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For the longest time, I never found my ears, eyes, nose, or tongue very sexy.

Then one day, I came to my senses.

I once lied in biology class and told everyone I could touch the tiny hairs in my nose - They all laughed.

I'd never felt cilia.

George Carlin once famously joked, "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

Thanks to all those people wearing masks but leaving their noses fully exposed, the stupider half is now a lot easier to spot.

I bought my wife a pug recently

Despite the flat nose, ugly wrinkles and bulging eyes, the pug likes my wife

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.

'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.
'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman.
I directed them to leave her alone, but they wo...

My uncle had a goat with no nose.

It smelled terrible.

She has ear rings, a nose ring, a lip ring, tongue ring, and nipple rings.

Tell me why I got slapped when I said "I want to give you a finger ring".

There are ear rings, nose rings, even lip rings

But the ones on the finger they just call them rings and not finger rings.

I gave my girl a banging finger ring and she loved it.

A young couple in poverty give birth to identical twins.

After much consideration they decide that the best thing for the baby boys would be to give them up for adoption so that they can have a better shot in life. One boy goes to a Spanish family who name him Juan, the second goes to an Indian family who name him Amal.

18 years pass when the birth...

Notice how every girl on buzzfeed has a nose ring?

That’s because nobody will ever put one on their fingers

Ivanka recently got a nose job.

When she asked her fathers opinion he said “Fake Nose!”

Saw the ticket inspector on my train ignoring passengers and picking her nose.

I reported her for gross missed conduct.

My nose is like all the boys I make eye contact with-

It started running and won’t stop.

How did Michael Jackson pick his nose?

From a catalog

When I was baptised, the priest wore a fake nose, moustache and pair of glasses.

It was a blessing in disguise.

NSFW Husband catches wife...

I came home early from work the other day & caught my wife in bed with my best friend!

So I did what any man would do in a situation like that. I hit him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper & told him, "Bad dog, very bad dog! Get down! You know you're not allowed on the bed! Very ...

I get why a lot of people don’t properly wear masks over their noses

It’s because they’re mouth breathers

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If your sex doll gets a runny nose, it's not because she's sick

Its because she's full

A very handsome man gets into a terrible car accident....

The doctors save his life, but he loses one eye.Before a nice glass one can be fitted, he's temporarily given a wooden eye.

The man becomes very depressed because of his eye loss and sits at home, moping around.Eventually his friends come over and drag him out to a bar to try and cheer him u...

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I've never seen this here, and it's long and gross.

There's a farmer, who is having a hard time getting his cows to mate. Specifically, the bull doesn't seem like he can ever get into the mood. He's tried everything he can think of, but this bull just won't do it.

So he gives up on his own wisdom, and consults a cow expert. He approaches the e...

Yesterday I went to the supermarket, had a stuffy nose when an old lady asked me:

“Are you sick?”

“No, it’s just cocaine”

She looked at me and replied:

“Thank god young men”

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Fred mistakenly gets on a bus full of war veterans, but upon discovering it is going his way, decides to stay on for the ride...

He sits down next to a guy that jerks his head to the left every few seconds, over and over. This really starts to get on Fred's nerves so he asks him, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

The reply is, "l got this in the war."

Fred finds this pretty annoying so he switches seats. ...

Imagine if honey was regurgitated through a bee’s nose rather than it’s mouth

Then it really would be the bee’s sneeze

Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer has a little known brother.

Randolf the brown nosed reindeer,

he can run as fast as Rudolf, he just can't stop as quick.

I spent years searching for the perfect mustache

It was right under my nose the whole time.

What does a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? NSFW

A wet nose.

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A man walks into a bar

And sees a huge sign behind the bar that says, "free drinks if you can complete the bar challenge". The man orders a beer and asks the bartender about the bar challenge. The bartender tells him that its a rigorous 3 step challenge that if you complete it you get all your drinks that night for free. ...

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If a kiss-ass is called "brown nose,"

Would a drunk kiss-ass be called "shit-face?"

What’s red, green, and smells?

An apple, a frog, and your nose.

It’s my cake day. Had to post something.

I was picking my nose and my wife said it was disgusting!

She’s not a big fan of plastic surgery.

Dog paws smell like Fritos. What to horse hooves smell like?

A broken nose.

Did You Ever Hear About Christopher, The Brown-Nosed Reindeer?

He could run just as fast as Rudolph, he just couldn't stop as quick...

While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth.

While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth. Just as he throws another peanut into the air, the front door opens, causing him to turn his head. The peanut falls into his ear and gets stuck. His daughter comes in with her date. The man explains the...

What bear always has a runny nose?

A drizzly bear.

I went outside for a shopping trip today, and i think i'm starting to get a runny nose.

EDIT: Thanks for the cold, stranger!

Where's the best place to go to pick your nose?

Plastic Surgeon

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Old World War II political joke my granddad told me when I was a kid.

I'll try to retell it exactly as he told it to me when I was about seven or so.

>There's this intersection with a four way stop. Four cars displaying reichstag flags approach the intersection. You know, like those official flags the president's got, except they got the kraut eagle and car...

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What do you call an Italian with a golden shower sex fetish and a long nose?

Peenocchio

My daddy loves sugar so much

He eats it through his nose

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Why do noses run and feet smell?

I don't know, but my ass itches and my finger stinks.

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Yesterday I hit my face on the door and yelled “I think I have a bloody nose!”

My British friend got upset and said “I know you have a nose dumbass.”

A urologist and a ear nose and throat doctor are golfing

When one of them sees an owl asleep in a tree by the ninth hole. The urologist looks over to the ENT doc and says “hey! I bet you 200$ I can give that owl a vasectomy without it waking up!”
The ENT doc says “you’re on!” The urologist goes up to the owl, rubs a special spot on its neck and perfor...

Some African animals playing cards in Las Vegas.

Lion: Stop taking extremely quick glances at my card, you're a cheetah!

Cheetah: No, your Lion!

Warthog: You guys are just ignoring the guy with the super long nose who can suck up cards while nobody notices.

Elephant: Well I wouldn't be so hungry for cards if you weren't HOGGIN...

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There once was a child born missing an eye...

At birth the doctors decided it best to give the child a wooden eye until the family could afford to get the baby a nice glass eye.

Sadly the family could never afford it. And the boy was bullied a lot in school over it and eventually was taken out and home schooled. Everywhere he went he had...

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