What do you call a hooker with a runny nose...


Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?

Because then it'd be a foot.

I have three noses, twenty arms and 10 eyes, what am I?

A liar.

After a night out partying, my brother shows up with a huge bandage on his nose. His girlfriend said,"His nose was broken in three places."

Turns out it was exactly the same three places I had warned him not to go when he'd been drinking.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do Jews have big noses?

Because the air is free

Where do you strike a captain on the nose?

the bridge

Why is your nose in the middle of your face

Because its the scenter

A man went to a doctors office with carrots sticking out of his nose, and broccoli coming out of his ears.

The doctor took one look at him and said, “Well I can tell right away you‘re not eating right.”

What do you call a deaf guy with three legs, two noses, four ears, and a unibrow?

It doesn't matter, he isn't gonna hear you.

My nose is exhausted

It's been running all day.

Thanks Dad.

When you're out with a honey and your nose is a-runny,

Don't think it's funny 'cause it's snot.

I feel like my nose is bleeding.

It's snot though.

What do you call a guy with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows!

Lost my watch at a party last night. Saw a guy stepping on it while he was harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose.

No one does that to a girl...not on my watch.

Why does the Great Sphinx not have a nose?

Chuck Norris once told it "There's something on your chest."

My daughter asked me, "Daddy, why is your nose in the middle of your face?"

I smirked and replied, "Because it's the scenter."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy with a dick-shaped nose walks into a bar

“Why the schlong face?” Asks the bartender.

I woke up with a really stiff neck. I got out of bed, went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, my face was white as a sheet! i had a big red nose, bright red fuzzy hair and a really tiny bowler hat on top. I turned on the tap and glitter poured out. Then i realised what had happened..

I slept funny.

Little Johnny comes to class with a swollen nose..

Teacher " what happened ?"

Little Johny : I tried to smell a brose .

Teacher : there is no 'b' in a rose.

Little Johnny : well there was one in the one I smelled.

There used to be a girl nicknamed Rudolph at my school, not because she had a red nose...

...but because she used to go down in history.

You know what they say about guys with big noses?

They smell well.

I hate people who don’t cover their noses and mouths when they sneeze.

They make me sick.

Told my friend his nose was runny

He said it’s not

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man was arrested for ejaculating out his nose

But he did nutting wrong

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose...

... but you can’t wipe your friends off underneath the couch.

There are two kinds of people in the World. People who pick their nose,

and liars

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I went to a party, but to my horror, everyone was wearing costumes! I opened my wallet, pulled out a condom and rolled it over my nose. The frowning host asked me, "What're you supposed to be!?"

I replied, "Fuck knows."

My nose is having a marathon today.

It can't stop running.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the difference between a brown-noser and a shithead?

Depth perception.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
'Nurse,' he mumbles from behind the mask. 'Are my testicles black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'

He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please ...

What do you call a creature with 6 legs, 3 eyes, 2 noses and no ears?

Anything you want, it can't hear you

A man jumps into a lion's cage to save a 5 year old boy by punching the lion in the nose

Soon, reporters are on the scene.

"Why don't you tell us a bit more about yourself"

"Well, I'm currently a stockbroker, but I got out of the Army only two years ago"

"What do you do for fun"

"I'm an avid fisherman, and I teach rifle safety classes for the NRA"


Why didn't the viper viper nose?

Because the adder adder 'andkerchief.

My dog has no nose

My dog has no nose.
“How does it smell” you may ask.
It doesn’t it has no nose

A man goes to the doctor with a carrot in his nose, cabbage in his ears and ham over his eyes. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.

The doctor replies “Well it looks like you’re not eating right.”

Why is Owen Wilson’s nose all messed up?

He KaCHOO’ed too hard!

A man walks into his doctor’s office and says: “My nose just keeps on running,”

“But that’s not even the worst part about me either, doc. My feet smell an awful lot! Surely you must have a remedy for both.”

The doctor replies: “Well I’m sorry to tell you there’s nothing I can do. It doesn’t seem like you need a medical professional, but rather a bio-mechanical engineer!”...

Most of my friends pick their noses...

But I was just born with mine.

What's the worst thing that can happen to a man?

Running into a wall while erect and breaking your nose.

The police just found a pizza topped with human noses in a serial killer's fridge.

It was a Dahmer nose pizza.

I have three and a half legs, four arms but only two hands, two noses but only one nostril and one eye. What am I?


Why is your nose in the middle of your face?

Because it's the scenter.

Did you hear about the assassin with no nose?

He retired. Couldn't handle the scentless violence.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What happens when a Jew with an erection walks straight into a wall?

He breaks his nose.

Did you hear about the New Mexican woman who stuck a banana up her nose?

Yeah, you've got to admit it, Alba's quirky.

We call rings in ears earrings, in eyebrows eyebrow rings and in noses nose rings. Why don't we apply the same to fingers?

And with this fingering I give you my hand in marriage....

My wife said, "it looks uncomfortable growing all that facial hair under your nose..."

must ache

Is there a correlation between the size of a nose and the sense of smell?

Because I read somewhere that back in World War II people with big noses smelled gas much more often.

My mother is so good at sticking her nose in my business....

... she can win a gold meddle.

How did Michael Jackson pick his nose?

Out of a catalog.


What do you apply to a sore pig's nose?


Why didn't the Eskimo rub noses with his non-Eskimo girlfriend?

She just wasn't Inuit.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Black eye and a broken nose

How do you give a blonde a black eye and a broken nose without touching her?

Wave a dick under a glass table.

caution: high altitudes under certain conditions can cause a bloody nose

Like on Mt. Shasta I heard a guy saying, "I just wanted to show people that it's possible to do things like hiking and Crossfit on a vegan diet, and besides I needed something to do after I retired at 30 on my Bitcoin investments" so I punched him in the nose.

woke up this morning, changed a light bulb, crossed the road (with a chicken) walked into a bar, went knock, knock and then found out that my dogs got no nose.

I thought, my lifes just one big joke.

What do you call the King of the Noses?

His Royal Sinus