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Christopher Jokes

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Hi, I'm Jane" she said. "I'm Christopher" I replied "but everyone calls me Dick for short". "How do you get Dick from Christopher?" she asked.

"You ask nicely" I said.

Answer: Christopher Walken

Question: Whats something you'll never see at the Reeve household?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A British spy goes undercover in America and tries to infiltrate the political ranks.

To get into politics, he has to pass an oral exam.


Examiner: When did the USA gain independence?
Spy: July 4, 1776


\- Good. How many continents are there?
\- Easy peasy, seven.
\- Damn, you're good. Which continent is Turkey in?
\- Technically, Turkey...

What does Christopher Walken say to the driver that almost ran him over?

“Hey, I’m Walken ‘ere”

23% of the crew aboard Christopher Columbus’ ship Santa Maria were named Juan

That’s almost a three to Juan ratio.

Did You Ever Hear About Christopher, The Brown-Nosed Reindeer?

He could run just as fast as Rudolph, he just couldn't stop as quick...

Christopher Walken has never had a problem getting a haircut appointment.

His barber doesn’t have a problem with walk-ins.

Is it pure coincidence that in Spanish Christopher Columbus is called Colón?

Or was he given that name because he COLONised?

Jeff Goldblum, William Shatner, and Christopher Walken walk into a bar...

*dramatic pause*

If a guy named Christopher goes out for a stroll...

Does that make him Christopher walken?

Christopher Museum

I was walking through the Christopher museum and the tour guide was showing me some of the exhibits.

He said this hat was worn by Colombus, these gloves were owned by Nolan,

and these boots are made for Walken

Winnie-the-Pooh is on a Picnic with Christopher Robin, Piglet and Eeyore. Christopher Robin says “Pooh, you haven’t touched any food yet. What gives?”

Pooh: “I’m stuffed”

Christopher Reeves went to the cobbler to pick up a pair of boots he was having custom made...

...he asked the cobbler if the pair he was working on was his to which the cobbler replied, "No, wrong Christopher. These boots were made for Walken."

Three guys making a movie

Christopher Nolan: I'll produce

Leonardo Dicaprio: I'll act

Matthew McConaughey: I'll write I'll write I'll write

How much oil did Christopher Columbus need to reach America?

3 Galleons.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Christopher Titus joke

"I have 2 kids. Why did I stop at 2? Because my wife's vagina was busy elsewhere. Yea, It had a guest list and I wasn't on it"

Christopher Columbus is like...

...the person who comments “First” on a post even though they are not the first.

Christopher Nolan always turns down the chance to smoke a blunt

He prefers a BONNGGG

What’s the difference between OJ Simpson and Christopher Reeve?

OJ got to walk, Christopher got the chair

If Christopher Walken gets an incurable and fatal disease...

Would that make him a dead man Walken?

Chris Evans, Chris Pine, Christopher Walken and Christopher Eccleston attend a church sermon together

Carol Spinney, the actor for Big Bird, happens to be sitting in the front row.
He asks the priest “hey, father, are those guys over there the real deal?”
The priest replies: “oh yeah, it’s a Chris mass, Carol”

Christopher Nolan was directing a scene when the chopper Batman was flying suddenly burst into flames.

Nolan yelled, "CHRISTIAN, BAIL!!"

I heard there's a new Christopher Nolan movie

It's about time

Two guys in an insane asylum are up for parole

The first guy goes into see the commitee, and they ask him some questions.

C: "Who discovered America?"

IG1: "Christopher Columbus."

C: "How long ago was that?"

IG1: "Around three hundred years..."

C: "Do aliens exist?"

IG1: "It's possible, but there's no pr...

If Albert Finney and Christopher Walken had a kid, he'd have quite a strut.

Cuz he'd be Walken Finney.

Christopher Walken really wanted new shoes so he went to the shoe store.

He browsed the whole store until he came across a pair of boots. They were nicely made with gray leather and he really liked them but he preferred black boots. He asked the store manager if they sold them in black but unfortunately they did not. Christopher was disappointed and was going to leave th...

Who's faster than Christopher Walken?

Christopher Runnen

Who's slower?

Christopher Crawlen

When Christopher Hitchens was on his death bed he called for a priest...

And converted him into an atheist.

Son: When I grow up I want to be like Christopher Columbus.

Dad: An explorer? That’s great, son.

Son: No, I want to get lost, spread diseases, steal tobacco and still be celebrated.

Chris Pine was approached to star in Christopher Nolan's 2017 WW2 beach epic...

"No thanks, I've done Kirk"

How did Christopher Marlowe keep his writing secret from the other prisoners when he went to jail?

He separated the prose from the cons.

If Christopher Nolan makes a sequel to Inception,

He should start at the top.

How do you celebrate Christopher Columbus day?

Barge into your neighbor's home and claim it as yours.

Did you hear about the weekly poker game with Vasco da Gama, Christopher Columbus, Leif Erikson, and Francisco Pizarro?

They can never seem to beat the Straights of Magellan.

Where does Christopher keep his dance shoes?

In the Walken closet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stuck in their apartment with their kid during the COVID quarantine, the Smith’s are desperate to fuck...

So they send little Johnny out on the balcony with a popsicle and a notebook with the directions to log what all the neighbors are up to during the quarantine.

After they finished with their twenty minute *alone time,* Mr. Smith lets Johnny back in from the balcony. ”So, Johnny, what did you...

How do you know you've found Christopher Walken's house?

It has a recognizable gait

A Buddhist goes to a hotdogvender.

He asks him: "Make me one with all"


After the vender give the Buddhist his hotdog, the Buddhist gives the vender 20$. The vender puts it away and goes on with his business.
The Buddhist asks: "and my change?"

The vender replies: "change comes from within"



Credit t...

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