Christopher Jokes - 39 Hilarious Christopher Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Hi, I'm Jane" she said. "I'm Christopher" I replied "but everyone calls me Dick for short". "How do you get Dick from Christopher?" she asked.

"You ask nicely" I said.

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken

upvote

downvote

report

Winnie-the-Pooh is on a Picnic with Christopher Robin, Piglet and Eeyore. Christopher Robin says “Pooh, you haven’t touched any food yet. What gives?”

Pooh: “I’m stuffed”

upvote

downvote

report

Answer: Christopher Walken

Question: Whats something you'll never see at the Reeve household?

upvote

downvote

report

What did Christopher Robin's mother say when she got tired of cleaning up after him

"Stop leaving Pooh lying around!"

upvote

downvote

report

Christopher Columbus is like...

...the person who comments “First” on a post even though they are not the first.

upvote

downvote

report

Did You Ever Hear About Christopher, The Brown-Nosed Reindeer?

He could run just as fast as Rudolph, he just couldn't stop as quick...

upvote

downvote

report

I got a new refrigerator from Christopher

it's a walk-in

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A British spy goes undercover in America and tries to infiltrate the political ranks.

To get into politics, he has to pass an oral exam.

Examiner: When did the USA gain independence?
Spy: July 4, 1776

\- Good. How many continents are there?
\- Easy peasy, seven.
\- Damn, you're good. Which continent is Turkey in?
\- Technically, Turkey...

23% of the crew aboard Christopher Columbus’ ship Santa Maria were named Juan

That’s almost a three to Juan ratio.

upvote

downvote

report

Christopher Columbus got lost

Because the directions weren't 'pacific

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stuck in their apartment with their kid during the COVID quarantine, the Smith’s are desperate to fuck...

So they send little Johnny out on the balcony with a popsicle and a notebook with the directions to log what all the neighbors are up to during the quarantine.

After they finished with their twenty minute *alone time,* Mr. Smith lets Johnny back in from the balcony. ”So, Johnny, what did you...

If a guy named Christopher goes out for a stroll...

Does that make him Christopher walken?

upvote

downvote

report

What does Christopher Walken say to the driver that almost ran him over?

“Hey, I’m Walken ‘ere”

upvote

downvote

report

How much oil did Christopher Columbus need to reach America?

3 Galleons.

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Christopher Titus joke

"I have 2 kids. Why did I stop at 2? Because my wife's vagina was busy elsewhere. Yea, It had a guest list and I wasn't on it"

Chris Evans, Chris Pine, Christopher Walken and Christopher Eccleston attend a church sermon together

Carol Spinney, the actor for Big Bird, happens to be sitting in the front row.
He asks the priest “hey, father, are those guys over there the real deal?”
The priest replies: “oh yeah, it’s a Chris mass, Carol”

upvote

downvote

report

Jeff Goldblum, William Shatner, and Christopher Walken walk into a bar...

*dramatic pause*

upvote

downvote

report

Christopher Walken has never had a problem getting a haircut appointment.

His barber doesn’t have a problem with walk-ins.

upvote

downvote

report

Who's faster than Christopher Walken?

Christopher Runnen

Who's slower?

Christopher Crawlen

upvote

downvote

report

I heard there's a new Christopher Nolan movie

It's about time

upvote

downvote

report

What’s the difference between OJ Simpson and Christopher Reeve?

OJ got to walk, Christopher got the chair

upvote

downvote

report

In a very Catholic country, a man was arrested for impersonating Christopher Nolan's Batman.

Out of fear for his cape, no Christian bail was set.

upvote

downvote

report

Christopher Reeves went to the cobbler to pick up a pair of boots he was having custom made...

...he asked the cobbler if the pair he was working on was his to which the cobbler replied, "No, wrong Christopher. These boots were made for Walken."

upvote

downvote

report

How do you celebrate Christopher Columbus day?

Barge into your neighbor's home and claim it as yours.

upvote

downvote

report

If Christopher Nolan makes a sequel to Inception,

He should start at the top.

upvote

downvote

report

Son: When I grow up I want to be like Christopher Columbus.

Dad: An explorer? That’s great, son.

Son: No, I want to get lost, spread diseases, steal tobacco and still be celebrated.

upvote

downvote

report

When Christopher Hitchens was on his death bed he called for a priest...

And converted him into an atheist.

upvote

downvote

report

If Albert Finney and Christopher Walken had a kid, he'd have quite a strut.

Cuz he'd be Walken Finney.

upvote

downvote

report

Christopher Nolan was directing a scene when the chopper Batman was flying suddenly burst into flames.

Nolan yelled, "CHRISTIAN, BAIL!!"

upvote

downvote

report

Chris Pine was approached to star in Christopher Nolan's 2017 WW2 beach epic...

"No thanks, I've done Kirk"

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher asks the children in her class what they done at the weekend...

"I went out for the day, and rode on the choo choo", said Billy.

"Billy", said the teacher, "we don't use childish and immature language in my class. You rode on a train... Steve?"

"My dad and I went go-karting but I crashed and got a boo boo", said Steve.

"Steve, I just said we...

Where does Christopher keep his dance shoes?

In the Walken closet.

upvote

downvote

report

Christopher Walken really wanted new shoes so he went to the shoe store.

He browsed the whole store until he came across a pair of boots. They were nicely made with gray leather and he really liked them but he preferred black boots. He asked the store manager if they sold them in black but unfortunately they did not. Christopher was disappointed and was going to leave th...

upvote

downvote

report

How do you know you've found Christopher Walken's house?

It has a recognizable gait

upvote

downvote

report

How did Christopher Marlowe keep his writing secret from the other prisoners when he went to jail?

He separated the prose from the cons.

upvote

downvote

report

In honor of his birthday

What's got four legs and is stronger than a Superman?

Christopher Reeve's horse

And what's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken

upvote

downvote

report

There should be a holiday episode of Man vs Wild with Christopher Walken

It would be called Walken in a winter wonderland!

upvote

downvote

report

Did you hear about the weekly poker game with Vasco da Gama, Christopher Columbus, Leif Erikson, and Francisco Pizarro?

They can never seem to beat the Straights of Magellan.

upvote

downvote

report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.