What’s the difference between OJ Simpson and Christopher Reeve?

OJ got to walk, Christopher got the chair

What did the director Christopher Nolan say to Tom Hardy when he asked him to cast in the movie Tenet ?

Sorry, Tom,.......it's Hardy.

What's the opposite of Christopher Walkin?

Christopher Reeves!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Christopher Titus joke

"I have 2 kids. Why did I stop at 2? Because my wife's vagina was busy elsewhere. Yea, It had a guest list and I wasn't on it"

Winnie-the-Pooh is on a Picnic with Christopher Robin, Piglet and Eeyore. Christopher Robin says “Pooh, you haven’t touched any food yet. What gives?”

Pooh: “I’m stuffed”

Christopher Reeves went to the cobbler to pick up a pair of boots he was having custom made...

...he asked the cobbler if the pair he was working on was his to which the cobbler replied, "No, wrong Christopher. These boots were made for Walken."

Jeff Goldblum, William Shatner, and Christopher Walken walk into a bar...

*dramatic pause*

If Christopher Walken gets an incurable and fatal disease...

Would that make him a dead man Walken?

Did You Ever Hear About Christopher, The Brown-Nosed Reindeer?

He could run just as fast as Rudolph, he just couldn't stop as quick...

Chris Evans, Chris Pine, Christopher Walken and Christopher Eccleston attend a church sermon together

Carol Spinney, the actor for Big Bird, happens to be sitting in the front row.
He asks the priest “hey, father, are those guys over there the real deal?”
The priest replies: “oh yeah, it’s a Chris mass, Carol”

How much oil did Christopher Columbus need to reach America?

3 Galleons.

Almost every Christopher Nolan movie have drugs in it, these drugs belong to Christopher Nolan

When Nolan Works on a movie he says "I want my cocaine in it".

I heard there's a new Christopher Nolan movie

It's about time

Christopher Columbus got lost

Because the directions weren't 'pacific

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stuck in their apartment with their kid during the COVID quarantine, the Smith’s are desperate to fuck...

So they send little Johnny out on the balcony with a popsicle and a notebook with the directions to log what all the neighbors are up to during the quarantine.

After they finished with their twenty minute *alone time,* Mr. Smith lets Johnny back in from the balcony. ”So, Johnny, what did you...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Hi, I'm Jane" she said. "I'm Christopher" I replied "but everyone calls me Dick for short". "How do you get Dick from Christopher?" she asked.

"You ask nicely" I said.

Two native Cubans are going for a stroll through the forest.

The first guy mentions that he didn’t finish his hunting quota in time for supper, and explains that if he doesn’t find something suitable soon, his wife is going to be very cross with him.

The second guy, recognizing his friend’s plight, offers to assist the first in his hunt but asks a favo...

If Albert Finney and Christopher Walken had a kid, he'd have quite a strut.

Cuz he'd be Walken Finney.

Christopher Columbus is like...

...the person who comments “First” on a post even though they are not the first.

When Christopher Hitchens was on his death bed he called for a priest...

And converted him into an atheist.

Christopher Nolan was directing a scene when the chopper Batman was flying suddenly burst into flames.

Nolan yelled, "CHRISTIAN, BAIL!!"

Son: When I grow up I want to be like Christopher Columbus.

Dad: An explorer? That’s great, son.

Son: No, I want to get lost, spread diseases, steal tobacco and still be celebrated.

Famous people and their mothers

*Issac Newton's mother--* "But did you wash the apple before eating it?"

*Archimedes's mother--* "Didn't you have any shame running naked in the street from? And, WHO is this girl Eureka???”

*Thomas Edison's mother--* Of course I am proud that you invented the electric bulb. Now tu...

Why did Christopher Robin have to wash his hands?

He’d been playing with Pooh all day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stone skipping

Three boys were sent to the headmaster’s office.

“What have you been up to?” the headmaster asked the first one in his sternest voice.

“I played ‘Stone Skipping’ by the pond,” he answered.

“Stone skipping? I see nothing wrong with that, I did that a lot when I was young too. Ju...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Settling The Ultimate Debate (LONG, OC)

Jerry didn't really like his name, but it could have been much worse. He could have been named after his father Zorelle. Jerry had a dyslexic brother named Dave who worshipped Christopher Reeve and loved quoting the old Superman movies.

One day while in quarantine, Jerry was up early browsin...

Christopher Walken really wanted new shoes so he went to the shoe store.

He browsed the whole store until he came across a pair of boots. They were nicely made with gray leather and he really liked them but he preferred black boots. He asked the store manager if they sold them in black but unfortunately they did not. Christopher was disappointed and was going to leave th...

How did Christopher Marlowe keep his writing secret from the other prisoners when he went to jail?

He separated the prose from the cons.

Who's faster than Christopher Walken?

Christopher Runnen

Who's slower?

Christopher Crawlen

Chris Pine was approached to star in Christopher Nolan's 2017 WW2 beach epic...

"No thanks, I've done Kirk"

If Christopher Nolan makes a sequel to Inception,

He should start at the top.

Apparently they asked Chris Pine if he wanted to be in the new Christopher Nolan movie that's out this week ...

"No done Kirk" he said.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken.

Edited for spelling, even though the guy was a stuffy old turd about it.

:D HEYOOO

How do you celebrate Christopher Columbus day?

Barge into your neighbor's home and claim it as yours.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Noah do with all the shit from the ark?

He threw it overboard. A few thousand years later Christopher Columbus discovered it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher asks the children in her class what they done at the weekend...

"I went out for the day, and rode on the choo choo", said Billy.

"Billy", said the teacher, "we don't use childish and immature language in my class. You rode on a train... Steve?"

"My dad and I went go-karting but I crashed and got a boo boo", said Steve.

"Steve, I just said we...

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken.

(Not sure if it's a repost, but I don't think I've seen it posted here.)

Where does Christopher keep his dance shoes?

In the Walken closet.

Why was the Amish girl excommunicated?

Two Mennonite

-Christopher Hitchins

Honeypots

-Hey, what’s going on, Pooh?

-Hello, Piglet. Christopher left us 10 honeypots. That makes 8 for each.

-No, Pooh, that makes 5 for each of us.

-Dunno about that, already ate mine.

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