What do they call Miley Cyrus in Europe

Kilometery Cyrus

Two Americans are touring Europe, and are scheduled to arrive in France Sunday afternoon.

Two American men are touring Europe, and are scheduled to arrive in France Sunday afternoon. However, they arrived several hours early, and had little to do on Sunday morning while everything was closed.

"Well," one says to the other, pointing to a nearby Cathedral, "why don't we attend Mass?...

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Why does Europe look so sexy all of a sudden?

Because it has lost a few pounds.

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The biggest, toughest American soldier in the platoon in Eastern Europe limps in, badly injured.

His Captain yells, "Good Lord Corporal! What happened to you?"

"Well Captain", he says, wiping blood from his face, "I was out on watch, and I looked across the road. And I saw this Russian soldier, real big bastard. And I looked at him, and he looked at me. So I started walking towards him, ...

I recently went on holiday to Europe after studying languages when I was younger...

It's turns out my German has gone from Bath to Sausage

A magician is traveling through Europe performing his flashy new fountain-pen act

He sells out shows in Paris, London, Berlin, Prague, and Amsterdam. People begin calling him "Bic Jesus"

Everywhere he went, crowds would gather to see him perform his Montblanc mastery. Men wanted to be him, and women wanted to be with him.

This all changed one fateful spring day. ...

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Europe lays there like a prostitute.

England is finished but won't pull out.

LPT: Use a name brand shopping bag as a trash bag while traveling in Europe

Once the bag is full, take some photos of your surroundings looking away from the shopping bag. By the time you look back, you no longer will have trash to get rid of.

What do you call Bigfoot in Europe?

Big Meter.

What is a gerbils favorite place to go in Europe?

Hamsterdam

I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is "the stupidest country in the world."

Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.

Two Americans were backpacking in Europe

...when a car pulled up next to them. The driver rolled down his window and asked in german:” Where is the nearest petrol diner?”

The two Americans, not knowing a fraction of German, stared blankly at the driver. “Sorry, but we have no idea what you are saying.”

The driver tried again ...

My last trip to Europe reminded me how bad I was at chess

I was beaten by a Czech mate

Since Vampires are supposedly hurt by holy water, I always wondered why priests don't just say a prayer over every storm cloud, kill the vampires from above. Then I realized why so many Vampires are from Europe...

Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa

How can you tell if a church in Europe has no money?

It’s Baroque

What do you call a skeleton who conquers Europe?

Napoleon Bonyparts.

So Europe have the euro....

Why don't Africa have the afro.

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Picture the scene, it is 1915 and the Great War is raging in Europe.

The war brought forward many brave fighting units and among those there were none so brave as the aviators of the French Flying Corps. Every weekend these modern day gladiators would fly to Paris and install themselves in the Grand Hotel. The locals, particularly the young ladies, would be desperate...

In Medieval Europe, there once was a triangular lake.

This triangular lake was quite large; so large, in fact, that three separate kingdoms were built on each side of this lake. These kingdoms were very different one from another.
The first kingdom was the richest - smooth stone walls built like a fortress, lavish houses for all, and a generous king...

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There have been troubling developments with Europe’s terror threat levels, recently:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1...

"Mommy, mommy, I don't want to go to Europe!"

"Shut up and keep swimming."

I once knew a bunch of these. How many do you know?

Another one: "Mommy, mommy, I hate my sister's guts!" "Shut up and keep eating."

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A luxury airplane is flying over Europe, carrying five passengers: representatives from England, Japan, USA, Canada, and Russia.

The pilot emerges from the cockpit, interrupting their conversation. "Slowly but surely, we are falling. I will attempt to crash-land as smoothly as possible, but I urge you to jump out with a parachute."

After briefly explaining how to use the parachutes, the pilot goes back to the controls....

I went on a limbo tour around Europe

My best performance was in Norway.
There I went Oslo as I could go.

What nationality are you when you are in the bathroom?

European

An American man was on business in Europe...

When he gets a call from his wifes lawyer saying she has found another man and wants a divorce. Upset, the man gets the earliest flight home which unfortunately crashes on a deserted island. While on the island the man sees a bottle sticking out of the sand. He picks it up, wipes it off and of co...

Four friends are touring Europe...

One is English, one is French, one is Spanish, and the last one is from Germany. In Paris, they see a group gathered around a street performer. After several minutes of trying to see with no avail, he notices them trying to see him and stands on a box and shouts to the four friends, "Can you gents i...

Where does Justin Timberlake like to visit when he's in Europe?

The Crimea River.

Did you know that the capital of Ireland had the maximum growth of Europe?

It's Dublin every year

Have you ever noticed that nearly every map of Europe...

...forgets the "L" in Australia?

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While one a flight to Europe, a stewardess discreetly asked Trump if he wanted a blowjob.

He replied: What’s in it for me?

Why is Europe like a frying pan??

They both have Greece at the bottom!!

An international conference was being held..

In which USA, North Korea, Europe and Africa were taking part.

The judge said,"I would like to hear your opinions about shortage of food in the rest of the world, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask us".

African president asked, "What is food?".

Europe asked, "Wha...

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Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.

The loan officer was quite taken a back, and requested collateral.

"Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the man said.

The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safekeeping, and gave him $5,000.

Two weeks later, the man wal...

What's Justin Timberlakes favorite part of Eastern Europe?

The Crimea River.

A son of a wealthy arab prince goes to college in europe

After a few months he gets a letter from his father asking how he is, and how's college life, etc.

And he replies to his father: "oh, everything is fine here, but it is really strange, most people here come to college by train and bus, and I'm the only one driving a golden Ferrari every day t...

A man tried smuggling sausage and vodka out of Europe and his suitcase caught fire and they had to evacuate the plane.

The whole event was pretty terrible.

It was the Absolut-wurst-case scenario.

Best Women in Europe

An Englishman, A Frenchman and a Russian are debating who has the best women.

The Englishman says, "English women are the best. When they sit on a horse their feet can touch the ground. It's not because our horses are short, but because English women have the longest legs in all of Europe!"...

Knock Knock

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, You're a poo!

Three women - two from Eastern Europe, and one from America - walk into a bar.

The three of them all sit at the bar.

Suddenly, one of the women, originally from Czechoslovakia, starts ranting about her ex.

"I'm just so fed up!" she cries. "Twenty years ago, my husband left me, and I still can't get over how he used me just for my looks!"

The American wo...

Boat trip to Europe

A young woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier crying.

He took pity on her and said, "Look, you'v...

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Statistics in Europe

In Europe, every manifestation of gay pride counted, on average, 100,000 people.

Each manifestation Against Corruption had on average about 2,500 people.

Statistically, it's proved that there are more people fighting for the right to fuck an ass, than to fight not to be fucked in the a...

Why don't they listen to Miles Davis in Europe?

Because they listen to Kilometres Davis instead.

Message from Europe

European: If your house is burning, should firefighters help you?
American: Yes of course. That is logical. And im willing to pay tax for it.
European: If you get robbed, should the police help you?
American: Yes of course. That is logical. And im willing to pay tax for it.
Europ...

Rich sheik's son studies abroad

The rich sheik's son is sent to Europe to study. After a month, he writes an e-mail to his father:

"Father,
I'm doing great here. My classmates are nice, the professors are great and the courses are well-structured and organized. There's one small thing though - I feel kind of embarrassed ...

Josh in Europe.

A guy shows his painting of a couple making love to a friend.

A friend than asks:

"What is it called."

Artist replies:

"Josh in Europe."

A friend asks again:

"Who is this woman on the painting."

Artist answers:

"That is Joshes wife."

Fri...

What's the difference between America and Europe?

In America, we call our inbred hillbillies.

In Europe, they call them royals.

A moment of silence in Europe

because they think today is the anniversary of 9/11

Just found out that Norway has the highest cost of living in Europe...

There's Norway I could A-Fjord to live there.

Europe be like...

eu: uk bro?

uk: it's not eu, it's me.

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Last summer, I traveled to europe for a 2 week vacation..

On the last night, I decided to go to a club for some action. As I approached the entrance, there was nothing more amazing i'd seen in those last 2 weeks than the bouncer. He was buffed up at least 4 inches taller than me, had long hair, a braided beard, hell he looked like a viking. Surprisingly, h...

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A college student is going to Europe for spring break

He asks his grandfather for some advice, which he happily provides.

"Kid, you gotta go over there and really get rowdy. Fuck any girl you meet, beat the shit out of anyone that gives you the side eye, get your buddies and really tear the town up. You're only young once, and those bastards don...

Which part of Europe took in the most refugees?

The Mediterranean sea

There was a peasant married couple in Switzerland during WWII.

They had just had twin sons that they knew weren’t safe in Europe with the bombing and havoc around their country. They separated them by sending one of them to Mexico and one to Arabia. The Mexican brother was named Juan by his foster parents, and the Arabian family named the other brother Ahmal. T...

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Mother Superior and a young nun are driving across Europe...

The young nun is driving. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, a diminutive vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!!" shouts the young nun, "What shall I do?"

"Turn the windscreen wipers on, that will g...

Why did Africa pull a prank on Europe?

He thought he was GHANA get away with it. KENYA blame him? He's BENIN worse situations before. OMAN, I gotta stop. I can't BELIZE i'm saying these words right now. There's NORWAY anybody is gonna find this funny. Nothing ISRAEL to me anymore. How much do you want TIBET this will get downvoted to obl...

Help! I spilled polish remover on a globe

Now there’s a hole in Europe

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There was a group of 1940s German mathematicians...

They told the world they had discovered the perfect ratio of plutonium to uranium in order to create fuel capable of space travel. They said it was simple, two parts plutonium, one part uranium. However, the rest of Europe didn't believe them because they were a bunch of fibbinazis.

How much free space does Europe have ?

1 GB.

The Geography of a Woman

The Geography of a Woman

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is li...

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"Hey girl are you from Europe?"

"cause europiece of shit"

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A man backpacking in Europe...

Comes across a small village with no modern technology. It's starting to get dark so he asks a villager if he can stay the night. The villager agrees.

As the night goes on, the man gets bored and asks the villager if there is any way he can have a good time. *Wink wink*

The villager sa...

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The seven dwarves went to the Vatican

While six stayed back a few yards Doc went up and knocked on the front door.

"Your Excellency," he said. "I wonder if you could tell me if there are any 3 ft tall nuns in Rome?"

"No, my son, there aren't," the Pope replied.

So Doc went back and told the others. Pretty soon Ba...

I once met a Redditor in Europe.

His username Czechs out.

A couple was traveling across Europe but had to stop abruptly at Finland's borders. Why?

Because it was the Finnish line.

What happened when the bankrupt eastern european jumped off a building?

The Czech bounced.

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Old Gramps

Grandson visited his old Gramps.

"Hey Gramps, i make a trip with some friends to Europe. We want to visit Paris."

​

The old man smiled and replied:

"Oh, thats really nice. I was with my buddys there as well when i was younger.

We had a lot of fun. Best ...

In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

“Father, where is the United States,” Hans asked.

His father pointed at a map towards North America.

“Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be,” he questioned his fath...

"Travel Bags?" "Check" "Snacks?" "Check" "Going to a place in Europe?"

"Czech"

Why did Europe start the first World War?

They did't like being sans-Ferdinand.

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A Young Greek Woman Marries

she is a virgin, and her mother is concerned. as they are getting her gown on, her mother warns her that her husband will probably ask her to "turn over" for sex, and to NEVER turn over. Innocently, she agrees.

Thanks to generous gifts from their family in Europe, they honeymoon in Majorca,...

Say what you will about terrorism in Europe

At least our planes take off and land at an airport.

How did Europe feel after switching to the metric system?

Defeeted

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What do you call a cousin-fucker in the U.S?

A redneck.

What do you call a cousin-fucker in Europe?

Your Majesty.

I was walking through a graveyard in Europe...

When I heard some strange music coming from one of the graves. Turns out, it was coming from Beethoven's grave. I took out my phone and recorded it, then took it to a friend of mine to identify.

"This is really strange...", he said. "This sounds like one of Beethoven's Symphonies, but it's ba...

Two Israelis are sitting on the beach in Tel Aviv, reading.

One has got a quality newspaper, the other an antisemitic rag. "Why on earth are you reading that?" one asks. "I used to read a quality paper like you," the other sighs, "but I couldn't handle it any more – the rockets from Gaza and Hezbollah getting stronger every day and the Iranian nuclear progra...

How did the Mongols get to Europe?

Steppe by steppe.

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The French fencer

There once was a famous French fencer. He learned how to fence at a young age and honed his skills over time, his prowess with the foil unmatched in all of France. After defeating all French contenders, he moved on to defeat fencers in nearby countries, eventually becoming the best in Europe. As his...