Chip Jokes - 70 Hilarious Chip Jokes

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

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I tried to share a bag of chips with a homeless person on the street.

He told me to fuck off and buy my own.

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A man goes home to his wife, after being fired from his job at a chips factory..

The wife acts surprised, because the man has been employee of the month for 13 months in a row.
She asks "What happened?"
"I got fired for putting my penis in the potato cutter. It's been a dream of mine, and I couldn't resist it anymore", the man replied.
The wife, even more surprised afte...

A hungry traveler stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where a brother was frying chips...

"Are you the friar?" he asked.

The brother replied "No. I'm the chip monk."

What's Fozzie Bear's favorite chip dip?

Guaca-wocka-mole

I rang the wife last night after work to say I'd pick up fish and chips on the way home.

I was met with a stoney silence. Something tells me that she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.

How does a male potato chip mate with a female potato chip?

He Lay's on her.

What did the potato chip say to the battery?

If you are Eveready I am Frito Lay

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I walked into a fish & chip shop

And ordered fish and chips. The guy served me and I said "that fish isn't cooked properly"!

He said "what makes you say that'?

I said" well..... It looks like its eaten half of my fucking chips"

Why does the tortilla chip always beat the potato chip in a debate?

The tortilla chip has a point.

fish and chips jokes

I don't take anything serious in the newspaper, except for fish and chips.

And even that I take with a pinch of salt.

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Did you hear about the fight outside the local fish and chips shop?

The fish got battered.

What are Santa's favorite kind of potato chips?

Crisp Pringles

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My asshole of a boss just yelled at me in front of everyone for eating chips at work.

“John, you’re a fucking croupier!”

What style of potato chips does Santa Claus like best?

Kringle Cut

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This guy walked up to the counter and said 'Burger and chips please,'

'Certainly sir,' I replied. 'Are you eating in or taking out?'

'Fuck off you cunt,' he snapped, before walking off with his food.

I love working in the prison canteen.

The wife told me the cat had to be chipped.

I only have a nine iron but i still got it over the shed

Why do bags of potato chips have so much less chips these days?

Inflation

How are a push-up-bra and a bag of chips alike?

It is only when you open them, that you realise they are halfway empty.

*PS: i work in a chips factory and i know the reason why the bags contain so much air*

Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips?

Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips?
This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas , but there are more Catholic churches than casinos.
Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
Si...

what is an Arabic ruler's favorite flavor of potato chips?

Sultan vinegar.

In Las Vegas people can tithe by dropping casino chips into the offertory.

And at the end of each weekend, there is a Brother that goes around to all the casinos to cash them out and make a deposit.

He's the Chip Monk.

What kind kind of triangle is a tortilla chip?

An i-salsa-les triangle

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Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church.....

They all look at you with disgust, but deep down, you know they want some, too.

Chip shop fight

I got into a fight with a chip shop owner, we were wrestling on the floor and one of his assistents chucked yellow gunk over us, as I got up the owner pushed me and I fell into the fryer and in that moment I knew i'd been battered.

What do a bag of chips and a gun have in common?

When you pull them out in class suddenly everyone wants to be your friend

I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

A man asked a frog how to open a bag of chips

The frog said, “rip it”.

Scottish chip shop joke

scotsman: Chips and a steak and kidley pie please

Server: you said kidley

scotsman: no I didley

Back in my day I went to the store with only $1 and came back with 2 bags of chips, 1 carton of milk, and 3 boxes of chocolate

Now they have cameras

What's a nuclear engineer's favourite meal?

Fission chips!

A penguin grows tired of the cold winters in Alaska...

So he buys a used Corvette and heads south for warmer weather. About five hundred miles into the trip the Corvette starts to overheat.

He stops in a small town and finds a mechanic to get the issue fixed. The mechanic says he is not going to be able to look at the car for an hour, so the Pen...

Today is National Puzzle Day and National Corn Chip Day

I thought of a joke, but couldn't quite piece it together. Side note: corn chip puzzles are difficult to assemble but they taste good!

Thank goodness it's my first cake day!

What do You Call Tortilla Chips With Guns?

Loaded Nachos

Dip Chip Anyone?

A man answers an ad for a sales position. The hiring manager says "We sell toothbrushes. You'll be on a 30 day probationary period. In that time you need to sell at least 100 units on average each week. If you make that goal you'll be hired on full time."

The man agrees and starts work immedi...

After trick-or-treating on Halloween, a teen takes a shortcut through a cemetery.

Halfway across, he's startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man chipping away at a headstone. "I thought you were a ghost," says the relieved teen. "What are you doing working so late?" "Oh, those idiots," grumbles the old man. "They misspelle...

People always make fun of my dad because his name is Chip and he is a Dorito farmer

You might think that is cheesy but actually we got to grow up on a really cool ranch

[nsfw] What did the amorous potato chip say to the battery?

If you're ever ready, I'm free ta lay.
(Everyready/Frito-Lay).

I have lived with this joke shrapnel for years and I thought I would share.

Did you hear about that music band formed from ex potato chip workers?

They called themselves “panic at Nabisco”

Decided to eat some chips yesterday

Apparently that's "super weird" and "completely inappropriate at a poker game"

Once I got fired from my job just because I was eating chips while I was working.

And after that, I couldn't get a job at any of the other casinos either.

Elon Musk unveils pig with chip in its brain...

...it was from the Kenosha County Sheriff's Department.

Give a man a fish and he'll ask for chips.

Give a man chips and he'll beg for salt.

Give a man salt and he's going to want a drink.

Give a man enough drink, and he'll start complimenting your wife.

Give a man your wife and you can go fishing as much as you'd like.

Heard the government was putting Chips on people...

Hope mine is sour cream and onion://

Have you heard about the fight in the fish and chip shop?

2 fish got battered.

We do not have enough micro chips to build new cars

Is it because we used them all in the vaccines ?

Why does nobody touch Sean Connery's chips?

They heard their flavor was shower cream and onion

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Our farm failed because we planted buttermilk-flavored Dorito chips instead of seeds...

But at *least* it was a **cool** ranch.

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Two Soldiers Walk Into A Bar...

It’s the height of the Vietnam War, and deep in the jungles U.S. Army Privates Chip and Dan have just been promoted to Sergeants.

Now Chip hasn’t always been the brightest bulb, and he’s been known to need some time to process big changes.

As Chip and Dan are doing their rounds one aft...

Raisin Cookies That Look Like Chocolate Chip Cookies

Are The Reason I Have Trust Issues !

A man goes to confessional and tells the priest, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I took the Lord's name in vain while golfing."

"I understand, my son," the priest says. "I play the game as well, and it can be frustrating. What happened?"

"Well," the man says, "I hit my drive on the fifteenth green and it sliced to the right, into the trees."

"Was that when you did it?" The priest asked.

"No, the ball b...

How do you make any bag of chips into a family size

Give it to an orphan!

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On his 90th birthday his friends chipped in to hire a hooker.

On his 90th birthday his friends chipped in to hire a hooker.

She danced seductively, then sat on his lap.

She whispered in his ear "I'm here to give you super sex!"

The man thought about it and then asked her "what kind of soup?"

My friend was mad at me because I ate all the chips at her party

I'm no longer welcome to play poker with them

I go to the store and buy 4 bags of chips and 6 sodas, if I eat 3 bags of chips and drinks 5 sodas what do I have?

No self-control.

A rich Arabian business man brought all the chip shops in the UK

He was Sultan vinegar

A man walks into a library and orders fish and chips.

The librarian says, "this is a library."

The man, says, "oh. Sorry." (Then in a whisper) "I'd like some fish and chips."

Roses are red, potato chips are savory...

The United States prison system is legalized slavery.

I like my jokes how I like my Lay's chips

Original.

I remember when I was a kid I could go to a store with a dollar and get two big bags of chips, a 2 liter of Sprite, 6 bags of Skittles and 6 Slim Jims.

Nowadays they have cameras everywhere inside.

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A kid shows up to class with $2,467...

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Suzie led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the custo...

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iBoob

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The iBoob will cost between $499 and $699, depending on the speaker size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained ab...

Have you heard of Cape Cod Potato Chips?

apparently they are so good they actually named a whole cape after them

Tortilla chips

So, a guy walks into a mexican restaurant and takes a seat. Before he gets to order a his food, the bowl of tortilla chips in front of him says "Hey, you're a handsome fellow."

The man tries to ignore the chips and orders a soda. The chips says "Ooooh that drink is delicious. Great c...

What did the bag of chips say to the angry pigeons?

I don't want to ruffle any feathers

Fish & Chips

A man walked into a fish and chips shop run by two priests, but only one was out front. He asked, "Are you the fish friar?"

The man replied, "No, I'm the chip monk."

A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey...

A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey.

The barkeep says "That'll be 2 pence"

"2 pence!?" said the man. "That's cheap! Do you sell food?"

"Yep" , said the barkeep

"Alright, I'll have a steak and chips" replied the man

"Sure" said the barkeep, "That's also 2 pe...

What's a cannibals favorite thing to eat with tortilla chips?

People de gallo.

I grabbed the chips out of the pantry

and looked through the fridge for some dip.

It wasn't where I thought it should be.

I glanced in askance towards my wife who was warming up noodles on the stove.

Next to her on the counter, a visibly empty jar.

Aghast, I shouted: "That was NACHO CHEESE!"

What do you call 26 letters chipping in to make a big gamble?

An alpha bet.

When I get my vaccine do I need to do anything to keep my micro chips charged?

Or is getting a 5G signal enough?

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