The 101+ Best Chip Jokes

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A man goes home to his wife, after being fired from his job at a chips factory

The wife acts surprised, because the man has been employee of the month for 13 months in a row.

She asks "What happened?"

"I got fired for putting my penis in the potato cutter. It's been a dream of mine, and I couldn't resist it anymore", the man replied.

The wife, even more...

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

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I tried to share a bag of chips with a homeless person on the street.

He told me to fuck off and buy my own.

A hungry traveler stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where a brother was frying chips...

"Are you the friar?" he asked.

The brother replied "No. I'm the chip monk."

I rang the wife last night after work to say I'd pick up fish and chips on the way home.

I was met with a stoney silence. Something tells me that she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.

Back in my day I went to the store with only $1 and came back with 2 bags of chips, 1 carton of milk, and 3 boxes of chocolate

Now they have cameras

What's Fozzie Bear's favorite chip dip?

Guaca-wocka-mole

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My asshole of a boss just yelled at me in front of everyone for eating chips at work.

“John, you’re a fucking croupier!”

I remember when I was a kid I could go to a store with a dollar and get two big bags of chips, a 2 liter of Sprite, 6 bags of Skittles and 6 Slim Jims.

Nowadays they have cameras everywhere inside.

What did the potato chip say to the battery?

If you are Eveready I am Frito Lay

How are a push-up-bra and a bag of chips alike?

It is only when you open them, that you realise they are halfway empty.

*PS: i work in a chips factory and i know the reason why the bags contain so much air*

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I walked into a fish & chip shop

And ordered fish and chips. The guy served me and I said "that fish isn't cooked properly"!

He said "what makes you say that'?

I said" well..... It looks like its eaten half of my fucking chips"

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This guy walked up to the counter and said 'Burger and chips please,'

'Certainly sir,' I replied. 'Are you eating in or taking out?'

'Fuck off you cunt,' he snapped, before walking off with his food.

I love working in the prison canteen.

What style of potato chips does Santa Claus like best?

Kringle Cut

What are Santa's favorite kind of potato chips?

Crisp Pringles

The wife told me the cat had to be chipped.

I only have a nine iron but i still got it over the shed

what is an Arabic ruler's favorite flavor of potato chips?

Sultan vinegar.

In Las Vegas people can tithe by dropping casino chips into the offertory.

And at the end of each weekend, there is a Brother that goes around to all the casinos to cash them out and make a deposit.

He's the Chip Monk.

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Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church.....

They all look at you with disgust, but deep down, you know they want some, too.

How does a male potato chip mate with a female potato chip?

He Lay's on her.

fish and chips jokes

I don't take anything serious in the newspaper, except for fish and chips.

And even that I take with a pinch of salt.

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Did you hear about the fight outside the local fish and chips shop?

The fish got battered.

People always make fun of my dad because his name is Chip and he is a Dorito farmer

You might think that is cheesy but actually we got to grow up on a really cool ranch

What do a bag of chips and a gun have in common?

When you pull them out in class suddenly everyone wants to be your friend

A penguin grows tired of the cold winters in Alaska...

So he buys a used Corvette and heads south for warmer weather. About five hundred miles into the trip the Corvette starts to overheat.

He stops in a small town and finds a mechanic to get the issue fixed. The mechanic says he is not going to be able to look at the car for an hour, so the Pen...

I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

A man asked a frog how to open a bag of chips

The frog said, “rip it”.

Why does the tortilla chip always beat the potato chip in a debate?

The tortilla chip has a point.

Once I got fired from my job just because I was eating chips while I was working.

And after that, I couldn't get a job at any of the other casinos either.

Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips?

Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips?
This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas , but there are more Catholic churches than casinos.
Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
Si...

What kind kind of triangle is a tortilla chip?

An i-salsa-les triangle

[warning dad joke warning]I visited a monastery and as I walked by the kitchen I saw a man frying chips. I asked him “are you the friar?”

He replied”no I’m the chip monk”

Why do bags of potato chips have so much less chips these days?

Inflation

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On his 90th birthday his friends chipped in to hire a hooker.

On his 90th birthday his friends chipped in to hire a hooker.

She danced seductively, then sat on his lap.

She whispered in his ear "I'm here to give you super sex!"

The man thought about it and then asked her "what kind of soup?"

Did you hear about that music band formed from ex potato chip workers?

They called themselves “panic at Nabisco”

When I was a kid, you could walk into a gas station with a $1 bill and leave with a bag of chips, a candy bar, and a coke.

Now, they have cameras everywhere.

We do not have enough micro chips to build new cars

Is it because we used them all in the vaccines ?

Give a man a fish and he'll ask for chips.

Give a man chips and he'll beg for salt.

Give a man salt and he's going to want a drink.

Give a man enough drink, and he'll start complimenting your wife.

Give a man your wife and you can go fishing as much as you'd like.

What do You Call Tortilla Chips With Guns?

Loaded Nachos

How do you make any bag of chips into a family size

Give it to an orphan!

My friend was mad at me because I ate all the chips at her party

I'm no longer welcome to play poker with them

[nsfw] What did the amorous potato chip say to the battery?

If you're ever ready, I'm free ta lay.
(Everyready/Frito-Lay).

I have lived with this joke shrapnel for years and I thought I would share.

When I get my vaccine do I need to do anything to keep my micro chips charged?

Or is getting a 5G signal enough?

Today is National Puzzle Day and National Corn Chip Day

I thought of a joke, but couldn't quite piece it together. Side note: corn chip puzzles are difficult to assemble but they taste good!

Thank goodness it's my first cake day!

A rich Arabian business man brought all the chip shops in the UK

He was Sultan vinegar

Have you heard about the fight in the fish and chip shop?

2 fish got battered.

When I was younger, I used to go to the store with a dollar, and come out with a pop, a bag of chips and a pack of gums...

Now, they have cameras.

I'm making a cookie brand called NIT (new incredible taste). It will be shaped like a chocolate chip cookie and will contain a fortune on the bottom.

FortuneNIT for you.

I heard the government is going to put chips in our brain.

I want sour cream and onion.

Elon Musk unveils pig with chip in its brain...

...it was from the Kenosha County Sheriff's Department.

What do you call 26 letters chipping in to make a big gamble?

An alpha bet.

A man walks into a library and orders fish and chips.

The librarian says, "this is a library."

The man, says, "oh. Sorry." (Then in a whisper) "I'd like some fish and chips."

Couldn't astronauts just bring thousands of chip bags to the moon with them?

They get both air and chips.

I like my jokes how I like my Lay's chips

Original.

Chip shop fight

I got into a fight with a chip shop owner, we were wrestling on the floor and one of his assistents chucked yellow gunk over us, as I got up the owner pushed me and I fell into the fryer and in that moment I knew i'd been battered.

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Remember the good old days when you can walk into a gas station with $1 and walk out with two bags of chips, beef jerky, and a drink?

Nowadays, there’s cameras everywhere.

Dad: Son, you know what? Back in my days, I walk in a store just with a single dollar and come home with a bag of potato chips and two chocolate bars.

Now they have cameras everywhere.

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When a priest really has to crap, he says "holy shit!". When a priest needs some dip for his chips, he yells "holy guacamole!" What does a priest say when masturbates without any lubrication?

Holy smoke!

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A man walks into a bar, orders a beer and chips, and receives an apple

"What is this?!" He says

"Take a bite" the bartender replies

He begrudgingly obliges and bites the apple

"Wow!" He exclaims "This takes just like a cold beer!"

The bartender nods and says "Turn it around"

The man does, and when he takes a bite he exclaims "This tas...

I go to the store and buy 4 bags of chips and 6 sodas, if I eat 3 bags of chips and drinks 5 sodas what do I have?

No self-control.

Scottish chip shop joke

scotsman: Chips and a steak and kidley pie please

Server: you said kidley

scotsman: no I didley

A man goes to confessional and tells the priest, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I took the Lord's name in vain while golfing."

"I understand, my son," the priest says. "I play the game as well, and it can be frustrating. What happened?"

"Well," the man says, "I hit my drive on the fifteenth green and it sliced to the right, into the trees."

"Was that when you did it?" The priest asked.

"No, the ball b...

What did the bag of chips say to the angry pigeons?

I don't want to ruffle any feathers

I don’t insert my card into the chip reader until the cashier tells me the price,

Because consent is important.

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A business man is leaving his wife for a week and has concerns about her straying while away.

He visits a number of adult toy stores looking for something that will keep his wife "busy" while he's gone. After hours of searching he eventually stumbles into a Chinese Herb and Erotic Tincture shop in Chinatown. After telling the old man running the store of his dilemma, the old shopkeeper think...

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Can your dick touch your ass?

A son walks into his fathers room to find him eating a bad of potato chips. He kindly asks his father if he could have some.

His father replies “well son, can your dick touch your ass?”

The boy seems puzzled and replies with a simple “no?” and his father explains they’re his and the bo...

What did Andrew Cuomo's battery say to the female aide's chips

I'm Eveready if you're Frito Lay

I know for a fact corporations are trying to put chips in our bodies

Lay's and Ruffles are buy one get one free at the grocery store

Two priests decided to open a Fish and Chip shop...

... One was a Fish Friar, the other was a Chip Monk.

Why does nobody touch Sean Connery's chips?

They heard their flavor was shower cream and onion

I know a well-off foot fetishist, who took up a gig at a potato chip factory in his spare time.

When I asked him why, he says he heard "something about Free Toe Lays being one of the perks".

I walked into the store and asked "do you have any helicopter flavoured chips?"

The cashier says "no , we just have plain".

Sitting with my shoes off next to a warm campfire eating corn chips.

Tostitos

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender "Do you have any helicopter flavored chips?"

The Bartender says "No, we only have plane"

What's a cannibals favorite thing to eat with tortilla chips?

People de gallo.

When i was a kid, you could go into a store with a dollar and walk out with a soda, 4 candy bars, chips, and some gum...

But now, they have security cameras everywhere

[not my joke, I got it from somewhere just don't remember where, and it's provably unfunny but it made me laugh a lil]

Decided to eat some chips yesterday

Apparently that's "super weird" and "completely inappropriate at a poker game"

Have you heard of Cape Cod Potato Chips?

apparently they are so good they actually named a whole cape after them

You know why jokes about chips with cheese on them are the best ?

They're NACHO JOKES !

Did you hear about the fish and chip shop owner that was taken to court?

He was charged with assault and battery.

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I was in a porno cinema the other night.

I hadn’t been there five minutes when some guy started yelling at me: “Oh, you’re a beast, you’re despicable!”

So I said to him: “Listen mate, we’re all here together, you’re just as despicable as I am.” But then other people started chipping in, shouting stuff like “How do you sleep at night...

I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies

They smell just like burned toast

Roses are red, potato chips are savory...

The United States prison system is legalized slavery.

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What is a horny stoner's favorite chip?

A baked lay :D

What do you call an empty ring of wet wood chips?

Mulch a-dew about nothing

I grabbed the chips out of the pantry

and looked through the fridge for some dip.

It wasn't where I thought it should be.

I glanced in askance towards my wife who was warming up noodles on the stove.

Next to her on the counter, a visibly empty jar.

Aghast, I shouted: "That was NACHO CHEESE!"

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Thanks to chip readers strangers are always offering sexual advice

Go ahead and insert it, It’s not in far enough, Put it in again, Pull it out, You pulled it out too soon,It works better if you hold it in there, It’s taking a little longer today than usual

What’s the difference between Lays potato chips and a balloon

Balloons should be filled with air

What kind of sandwich would a golfer use to chip a ball?

A sand wedge.

I could see she was about to fold when I put my chips on the table…

"Move them," my wife said, "I'm doing laundry."

Lucky day for Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly.

Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly was watching the news when he witnessed something astounding. A young Syrian man had just thrown a hand grenade over 100 yards through the window of a building into a room that housed a sniper. He was so impressed that he had the man found and brought into t...

Dip Chip Anyone?

A man answers an ad for a sales position. The hiring manager says "We sell toothbrushes. You'll be on a 30 day probationary period. In that time you need to sell at least 100 units on average each week. If you make that goal you'll be hired on full time."

The man agrees and starts work immedi...

Recent mobile phone technology has linked up with micro chip brain implant technology so that when your phone rings it can immediately connect without making a ringing sound.

It just won the Nobel peace prize.

What do you call a chip manufacturer who isn’t doing their job?

Lays-y

After trick-or-treating on Halloween, a teen takes a shortcut through a cemetery.

Halfway across, he's startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man chipping away at a headstone. "I thought you were a ghost," says the relieved teen. "What are you doing working so late?" "Oh, those idiots," grumbles the old man. "They misspelle...

A man walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk if he's got any helicopter flavored potato chips.

The clerk's replies, no, sorry, we're all out...

But, I've got plane.

A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey...

A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey.

The barkeep says "That'll be 2 pence"

"2 pence!?" said the man. "That's cheap! Do you sell food?"

"Yep" , said the barkeep

"Alright, I'll have a steak and chips" replied the man

"Sure" said the barkeep, "That's also 2 pe...

Why was I charged so much for eating chips?

The casino man said he'd never seen anything quite like it

Grandad "Here's 5 bucks, bring me back a 6 pack and a bag of chips." Grandson "Grandad, 5 bucks isnt enough" Grandad "back in my day...

2 bucks could get you a beer, chips, a chocolate bar, a sandwhich and a newspaper!

Nowadays you can't do that anymore, there's cameras everywhere!"

Whenever I make chocolate chip or blueberry muffins, I make sure one muffin is just batter.

I like to play Muffin Roulette.

Why didn't the potato chips believe anything the sandwich said?

Because the sandwich was full of baloney

A man walks into a chip shop with a fish under his arm and asks "Do you have any fish cakes?"

"No," replies the owner "we've sold out."
"That's a shame," says the man "it's his birthday."

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