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The wife of a wealthy business man calls their butler into her bedroom while her husband is away on a trip for work

"Jeeves," she says at once, "take off my dress."

"Yes madam!" He replies, unbuttoning the top of her dress and watching it fall to the floor.

"Now, I want you to take off my bra."

"Oh, yes ma'am!" replies Jeeves, unhooking the front clasp of the fancy lace bra and throwing it ca...

How much would you pay to watch James Bond's secretary and Bruce Wayne's Butler team up for a Spy Action Thriller?

However much, you can bet you'd get your MoneysWorth.

What does a dolphin's butler do?

Serves a porpoise.

[Long and semi not safe] The butler and the wife

There was a butler named James who worked for an old decrepit Billionaire that had a smoking hot 25 year old wife. James was infatuated with her and knew she wasn’t being satisfied by ole crusty.

He was caught staring at her longingly more than once and she seemed flattered more than offende...

I managed to get a butler who works for free

I normally have really rotten luck, but I managed to get a butler who works for free. However, when I saw him, I realised he has lost his left arm;


Serves me right...

About a wealthy man, his wife and their butler John

Wealthy man and his wife decided to go to a party. They planned on staying there for the night, so they gave the butler a day off.

Sadly, the wife wasn't pleased with the party so she decided to go home. When she arrives, she saw John in the dining room. She took him to the sleeping room, an...

A lady calls her butler into her room and says, "Jeeves, take off my dress"

He casually says, "Yes, Madam", and removes the dress. Then she says, "Jeeves, take off my underwear". Again, he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the undergarment. She then says, "Jeeves, take off my bra". Again, with no hesitation he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the bra. Then she says, "Now ou...

"Clean this up! I’m not your personal butler!"

At this point batman realized how severe Alfred’s Alzheimer’s has become.

A friend of mine has a butler whose left arm is missing.

Serves him right

A man calls his home and his newly appointed butler picks up the phone...

Still a little nervous about his newly assigned duties, the butler answered nervously “Hello, who’s this?”

The man was a little frustrated with the butler’s lack of experience and so he replied impatiently “It’s your boss you idiot!”

Feeling guilty about not recognizing his own boss’s...

Lord Williams turns to his butler

Lord Williams turns to his butler: "Jones, please prepare my black suit and binoculars. I'm going to a funeral."

"But why do you need binoculars?" Asks Jones

"My distant relative has died." Says Lord Williams

What do you call a depressed butler?

A coat hanger.

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The Duchess returned to the Manor one evening and encountered her butler in her boudoir

She looked the butler straight in the eye and said:

“James, take off my dress.” James took off her dress.

“James, take off my petticoat.” James took off her petticoat.

“James, take off my bra.” James took off her bra.

“James, take off my panties.” James took off her p...

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The Duchess and the Butler.

The Duchess arrived home early having imbibed a little too much wine. When about to enter her bedroom she noticed her butler Jeeves down the hallway.


"Jeeves," she called, "Come here immediately," Yes Ma'am," answered Jeeves.

She sat on the bed and asked Jeeves to sit beside...

A lady and her butler

A rich couple was going out for the evening. The lady of the house decided to give the butler, Throckmorton, the night off.

She said they would be home very late and he should just enjoy his evening.

As it turned out, the wife didn't have a good time at the party, so she came home ear...

Mr.Bates gets a butler

(My dad told me this joke)
Butler:Good Morning Mr. Bates.
Bates: Please address me as master from now on
Butler: My sincere apologies Master Bates...

One-armed butlers .....

... they can take it but they can’t dish it out

What is the perfect name for an Indian butler?

Mahatma Coat

Bill Gate's butler was giving Bill's old friend a tour of Bill's house.

The friend couldn't help but notice that everything in the house was digital. They didn't even have a physical tv. Everything was a hologram. Heck it felt like the house itself was digital. Further away into the tour the old friend couldn't help but notice a piece of paper with some ink on it that l...

A woman calls her butler into the bedroom

A woman calls her butler into the bedroom and says:

"Jeeves, take off my gloves."

Jeeves replies: "Yes my lady."

The lady then continues by saying:

"Now Jeeves, I want you take off my dress and corset."

Jeeves replies: "Of course, my lady."

The lady then sa...

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One day a multi billionaire was bored, so he asked his butler to get him 3 men.

A few hours later the butler comes back. The man says "OK I've got a deal you can't refuse. Whoever can swim successfully across this pool filed with sharks, eels, and leeches may have whatever his heart desires."

No one replies so the man gives up.

All of a sudden the man hears a sp...

I wanted to hire a marsupial butler...

but none of the applicants were koala-fied.

What do you call a butler with a new set of teeth?

An endentured servant

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Husband says to his wife that he is going golfing. She gets upset because she thought they would spend the day together.

Husband: "honey just give me the day I need to relieve some stress. Besides You don't even golf."


Wife: "I want to learn and besides it's something we can do together."


The husband begrudgingly accepts his wife request and they go to the golf course. On the first tee the hu...

I can't believe my son is dating a butler.

It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Jeeves.

A husband, wife, and son arrive at the entrance to an English royal palace for an evening dinner...

Before each guest enters the palace, a butler formally introduces each family to the guests with an announcement. As the family approaches the butler at the entrance, the butler asks:

Butler: “And your family name, sir?”

Husband: “Bates”

The butler opens the door and with loud ...

There’s a knock at the door

The butler goes and answers the door.

“Sir, there’s a man at the door with a mustache.”

“I’m not interested, tell him I’ve already got one!”

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A turtle and a cat are gardening...

A turtle and a cat are gardening one day when the realize the need fertilizer. Their butler is too old to run the errand so they ask their friend rabbit to get it for them. Sure. After a couple hours the rabbit comes to his friends house and rings the doorbell. The butler answers. The rabbit asks...

1960s Batman Phase (Original Joke Fight Me Reposters)

A director wanted to make a movie about Batman, but sadly D.C. wouldn't allow him to film it. So he decided he will just make the movie but instead of using the character's real names he would just take away the last letter of their names. Batman became Batma and he fought crime with his trusty part...

Lady of the house: "I want you to stand at the front door and call the guests' names as they arrive."

Butler: "Very well, madam. I've been wanting to do that for years!"

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A man and his wife are out golfing together

The man accidentally swings his club a little to hard and sends the ball flying through the window of a nearby house. After approaching the window, they see a little man sitting on the couch next to the window and a vase that the ball had broken. After the couple apologizes for the vase, the little ...

A comedian was on vacation in London.

A comedian was on a vacation in London when he came across a large crowd. He pushed and squeezed his way past the ocean of people and saw the Royal Family who were on their way to have lunch. As he takes out his phone to snap a photo, he saw from the corner of his eye a shady man pushing past the cr...

Rich man shenanigans

There was once an extremely wealthy man who was known for his eccentric habits. One fine evening, he sent out an invite to all the young, able-bodied men of his city for a very "special" dinner, promising a grand prize for one lucky soul.

Knowing the rich man's generous nature, a hundred you...

A man is stranded on an island when he comes across a genie in a bottle

The genie tells the man that it has been quite some time since another human has found him so he will grant the man 3 wishes.

The man’s first wish is for a big house with a pool, butler and fully stocked kitchen. Working his magic, the genie grants the man’s first wish.

Second, the m...

The curse of the coffin

Three men, Gary, Dan, and Job, grew up together as best friends. They dreamed of one day becoming rich and would do anything to attain wealth. One day, as they were sitting in the local bar, they overheard another group of men discussing the long lost buried treasure of Captain Sleazybeard. The thre...

Obedient server!!

Rich Man : Michael (the Butler), for 30 years you have been bringing me coffee, filled to the brim, without even spilling a drop. How do you manage that over these stairs?


Michael: Sir, before I climb up the stairs I take a big sip, as I get upstairs, I put it back.


Unfortunate...

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This message is for those who appreciate the finer points of the English language

His Lordship was in the study when the butler approached and coughed discreetly.

"May I ask you a question, My Lord?"

"Go ahead, Carson ," said His Lordship.

"I am doing the crossword in The Times and found a word the exact meaning of which I am not too certain."


...

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A mysterious millionaire decides to throw a pool party

People all over town receive invitations, and they're confused having never heard from him before. But they all show up to his house and proceed to the backyard, as instructed by a butler. When they're in the backyard, they're all looking around at the amazing landscaping and they all gasp when they...

The billionaire was taking his bath when he had to fart...

Not wanting to embarrass himself in front of his manservant, he said "Jeeves, go downstairs and fetch me a cup of coffee."
"Very good, sir" said the butler and made for the bathroom door.
By now the billionaire was struggling to hold it in, but finally Jeeves closed the door behind him. A subs...

Donald Trump has a phone call with Queen Elizabeth II

Struggling with problems in his Cabinet, he asks her "I hear you run a very tight ship over in England. Would you mind giving me some advice or telling me some secrets?".

The Queen replies "It is very easy and simple. Just surround yourself by smart people. For example, listen to this".
<...

What did Batman say when he found a stranger in the Batcave?

I can't believe it's not Butler

A 6th-grade teacher posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes:

“A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars.

One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity.

Now, what does each get?”

After a very long silence in the classroom, one little boy raised his hand.

With ...

An old joke that my grandad told me.

A rich man had invited a group of friends to his home for dinner. He was very much looking forward to this, but there was one problem: he had a horrible cold, and his nose was running.


He said to his butler, 'Oh Butler, what shall I do? I cannot have my nose running everywhere while ther...

A Priest and a NY Cab Driver died together and went to heaven

A Priest and a NY Cab Driver died together and went to heaven. They get to the pearly gates and an angel greets them. First the angel takes them to the NY cab drivers house in heaven. It's amazing it has marble floors a butler and maid and a swimming pool it's awesome, the Cab drivers thanks the ang...

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A collection of lawyer jokes.

My grandfather was a lawyer & judge and had a fantastic sense of humor. He has many humorous law books, and the following are some his favorite selections from Larry Wilde's book *The Ultimate Lawyers Joke Book*. Hope you enjoy..

___________________________________________________________...

A scientist is dining with a duke one day...

A scientist is dining with a duke one day, talking of chemistry and such. All is going well until the duke rings a bell and demands a test tube from his butler, who brings it to him forthwith. The duke sticks it in his pants, lets loose a thunderous fart, then caps the tube and hands it to the shock...

A rich man decides to visit Europe

After a few weeks, he received a message from his butler simply saying, "Your dog is dead." Upon his return, the rich man began to scold the butler for how poorly he had handled the situation. "How should I have handled it sir?" The butler asked.
"Well, you could have started with, your dog is on...

Heaven vs. Hell

In Heaven, you get a French lover, an English butler, a German housekeeper, and an Italian cook.

In Hell, you get a German lover, a French butler, an Italian housekeeper, and an English cook.

The gentleman husband called home...

... and the butler picked up.

Husband (H): Where is my lady? Give her the phone.

Butler (B): Good Afternoon Sir, umm, well, she is in the bedroom with someone.

H (Infuriated): What? What are they doing?
Butler checked and informed him that they were kissing.

H (Very ...

The World Tour

A wealthy man and his wife had been wanting to go on a world tour for a long time, with the only thing preventing them from doing so being the wife's devotion to their cat, Mittens. She simply could not bear the thought of being away from Mittens for a couple of months while they go and visit all th...

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Golden Duck

Two guys are fishing in a lake and the fish just won't bite. Then they see a duck, so they decide to catch it. The duck says: "Please don't take me, I'm a golden duck, I will lay an egg for each of you. You just make a wish, crack the egg and it will be done." They think for a while and decide: "Ok,...

Dead Cat

A rich businessman goes on holiday .While he is away his butler sends him a message saying “Cats dead”.

Distraught at the death of his beloved pet the man returns home and berates the butler for being so callous.

“You should break bad news gently” says the businessman .“If I had been ...

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The Golden Toilet

A guy was invited to this lush party by his boss, a very wealthy man. He is very excited as he was born an raised poor and in poverty and had never been to a formal party before. He borrows a tux from a friend and heads to the party. The booze was flowing free of charge so the guy has more than h...

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Mrs. Johnson had a very beautiful and intelligent parrot.

He had just one problem: He liked to fuck Mr. Hawkins' chickens. Mrs. Johnson scolded him time and time again, but he would just laugh at her. Finally, she told him that if he did it again, she would cut off all of the feathers on the top of his head. Well, he resisted the urge for a week, but on...

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A wealthy woman with a headache goes with her husband to a party.

After 20 minutes, she says, "Honey, I'm not feeling too well. You stay and have a nice time. I'll be at home waiting for you later.

She drives backs to her large home, walks upstairs, begins filling the tub, and walks into her bedroom. The butler is there.

She says to him, "Unbutton ...

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