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Campbell Jokes

The Florida man accused of stealing a truck full of $75,000 with of Campbell's soup is finally going to trial...

I, for one, hope they lock him up for M'm! M'm! Good!!!

Paintings from Andy Warhol’s infamous “Campbell’s Soup” series were stolen

When they're caught, they will be put away for m'm! m'm! good.

Why did the chicken love Campbell's Soup?

Because his family had stock in the company.

Last night I woke up with Pamela Anderson and Naomi Campbell in my bed

I let out a sigh, got up and taped the posters back to the wall.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Earlier today I saw a highways worker doing nothing but gossiping whilst drinking cordial and listening to Glen Campbell.

Just seen him again, and that bitchy tarred roadman is still on the lime!

Why did it take so long for Labour to expel Alistair Campbell

It's really difficult to draw a pentagram around a moving target.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Campbell's CEO Denise Morrison leave Trump's Business Council?

She didn't want to become known as The Soup Nazi.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kid goes into funeral business

A kid from Pennsylvania's gone to Chicago to study the funeral business with Frank E. Campbell, the world's most renowned mortician, and he calls home.


He says, "Pop, you wouldn't believe how exciting it is working with Frank E. Campbell. It's unbelievable."


His father sa...

Peter calls up Satan (long)

"What do you want Peter?
"I need you to take three people. We are renovating and they need a place to stay. You'll need to take them for a week. No torture! Treat them well."
Three volunteer to endure Hell for a week. Pope John Paul, Alexander Campbell, and Kenneth Copelan.
After the fourth...

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At school, children learn about cucumbers

Miss Campbell starts the class by drawing a large cucumber on the blackboard. The whole class starts laughing. Miss Campbell blushes and questions Little Johnny:

'What do you think I drew on the blackboard?'

'A dick!' exclaims Little Johnny.

Miss Campbell is taken aback and runs...

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Galley Chick

The Airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc.

Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination."

Ed sitting in the ...

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There's a sexy new teacher at school

In grammar class, she asks who can say a sentence including an expression of politeness. Naughty Johnny raises his hand.

'I would be most delighted to make out with you Miss Campbell... and bang you, too!'

Miss Campbell blushes and yells:

'Out!'

Naughty Johnny gets his th...

Great Scot!

Waiter: Are you here for a special occasion?
Campbell: Aye, we won the third prize in the annual Robert Burns contest... A haggis dinner for two.
Waiter: What were the other prizes?
Campbell: Second prize was a single haggis dinner, and if you won the first prize, you didnae have to eat th...

I hacked the recipe computers

at the Campbell's Soup Company. Do you want me to post them in their entirety,

Or just the condensed version.

On a night out, a man finds himself in a bar where a local band is performing.

During the performance he comes across a woman who introduces herself as Teri Campbell. After a bit of flirting, they find themselves up against an amplifier, getting a bit spicy. Now he’d never told anyone before, but he had a fetish for vinegar. Anything with vinegar, it could be pickles, brown sa...

Sod's law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

Moore's law: The complexity of integrated circuits doubles every 24 months.

Campbell's law: The more any quantitative social indicator is used for social decision making, the more subject it will be to corruption pressures and the more apt it will be to distort and corrupt the social processe...

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So a son goes up to his dad one day looking very sheepish.

He finally works up the courage and looks his father in the eyes and says, "Dad, I think I'm gay."


Now the father is shocked by all this but he says to his son, "Now that's quite a thought. Know that I'll love you no matter what, but I have to ask, why is it you think you're gay"

<...

Condoms galore

Nike Condoms: Just do it.


Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.


Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.


Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.


Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.


Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: T...

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