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Boss said his secretary that he wanted to have sex with her.

A boss said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done.

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him fo...

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Larry got the new Secretary

**Garry:** Your New Secretary is very Sexy....

**Larry:** Thanks! she is actually a Robot, Named Doreen, if you squeeze her right breast, she takes dictation & if you squeeze her left breast, she types letters. Will Work as long as you like, no complaining, no sick days, no medical, no de...

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Two CEOs meet after....

One of them has visited Japan. So they are talking about how the trip was and one says:

"look I got this amazing robot secretary from there, it does everything human secretary does except 20 times faster and 200% more efficiently."

The other one says: "that sounds impressive but does ...

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing e...

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m.

As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt.

Mystifie...

Why is it easy to accidentally walk in on the White House Press Secretary while she is in the bathroom?

The P is silent.

At first I thought it weird that Joe Biden wanted to make his press secretary staff all women

But then I remembered that meant he didn't need to pay them as much

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What does a secretary say to Bill Gates when she sees his dick ?

A secretary walked into Bill Gates office . She chats with him and manages to seduce him . She convinces him to have sex and he agrees . When he whips his dick out what does she say ?


Micro-soft

What's the difference between a good secretary and a personal secretary?

One says "Good morning, boss !".

The other says " It's morning, boss !"

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A secretary tells the therapist "you have a new patient here"

Secretary: He wants you to help him because he believes he's invisible. He doesn't have an appointment, though.

Therapist: "No appointment?! Tell him I can't see him."

Memo from the secretary to the boss

Memo from the secretary to the boss:

I've got good news and bad news. The **good news** is that you're not *sterile*.

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Trump's new Secretary of Defence decided the first thing he would do would be..

Trump's new Secretary of Defence decided his first action would be to order a test of how US Air Force planes would hold up in case of a bird-hit. He gave his brother-in-law's poultry business a contract to shoot birds at huge speeds at the latest F-35 at 1,000km/hr. Everyone expected the chicken t...

A secretary is helping her boss sort through job applications to pick a winner

The first thing the boss does is close his eyes, pick out 5 at random, and throw them in the trash. Puzzled, the secretary asks "why did you do that?"

The boss responds, "I dont want to hire an unlucky person"

A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called and asked to speak to his client.

"Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "You know, I've had an awful day, Jack, so
let's hear the good news first."

The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed
me that she has invested only $5,000 in two very n...

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A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: "Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary."

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: "Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen year old boy toy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely appreciate that l8 goes ...

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A woman walks in on her husband performing anal sex on his secretary.

The wife screams, “You can’t do this to me!”

The husband says, “I know. That’s why I’m doing it to her.”

A man had an affair with a school secretary.

A man had an affair with a school secretary. A few years later, the secretary got the wrong number and called the man...

“Sir, I’m sorry to inform you of this, but your child has committed a serious crime on school ground.”

“Oh no,” the man replied. “Was it arson?”

What happens when everyone forgets your birthday

It is so sad when everyone forgets your birthday.

Well, last week was my birthday and my wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday in the morning before I went to work.

My parents forgot too and so did my kids.

I got into work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday....

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A crusty old man walks into the local Lutheran Church and says to the secretary, "I would like to join this damn church."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church." And with that said, the secretary lea...

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A man is having an affair on his wife with his secretary

One day after work they lose track of time while making love in his office. In a panic the man exclaims he must get home now or else his wife will surely know. Worried, the secretary asks what he will say. The man has an idea, and tells her to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass while h...

Husband's 19 year old secretary

A woman finds a note from her husband on the fridge one morning.

"My dear wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter I hope that y...

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At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.

The drunk tried it and said, “It's a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acc...

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I was fucking my secretary up her arse and my wife walked in.

She said "You cant do this to me!" I said "I know... that's why i'm doing it to her."

Why I Fired My Secretary

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.


I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me.


As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alon...

I asked the secretary for a copy of a floppy disk.

She put it in the photo copier.

I recently hired a temp to fill in while my secretary was off for six months on maternity leave.

Trying to arrive at an agreeable wage, I
asked her what she expected to earn.

The temp replied, "Well ... the minimum I could possibly work for is
four hundred a week."

I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure.

The temp shook her head and replied, "With 'pleasure'...

Health secretary in a briefing to Trump: "Sir, in Chennai, India 36 Tamillians have been killed due to Corona Virus"

Trump is silent. His lips quiver. His hands shiver. His eyes wells up. He is unable to speak.

Health secretary is stunned. He never imagined that this event could affect him so badly.

After a few minutes, in a trembling voice, Trump asks "So, how many millions are there in *one tamilli...

Secretary walks into the President's room

Secretary: Mr.President, Hurricane Florence is causing trouble.
Trump: Offer her the same deal as Stormy Daniels.

The secretary of defense entered Donald Trump's office.

He told Donald Trump that a drone strike in South America had killed 4 brazilian people.

He expected Trump to take this lightly, but much to his surprise, Trump's face turned white with shock, and he promptly fainted.

After Trump awoke, the secretary of defense said "I didn't know you ...

A Chinese citizen and an American citizen are arguing which country is better

The American citizen states "My country is the greatest country in the world; as an American I can go to Washington D.C., go to the White House, walk into the Oval Office, pound my fist on the desk and say 'Mr. President, I don't like how you are running this country!'"

The Chinese citizen la...

An Arrogant Boss

The secretary saw that her boss' zipper was open when he walked out of the bathroom.

Hey boss, "Your garage door is open."

The arrogant boss walked real close to her and said, "I hope you got a good look at my Ferrari."

The witty secretary quickly said, "No, but I did get a gli...

A 15-year old boy came home with a Porsche.

His parents began to yell and scream. “Where did you get that car?”

He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”

“With what money?” Demanded his parents. “We know how much a Porsche costs!”

“Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.”

The parents began to yell e...

Old soviet man is lying on his deathbed...

...as his end is nearing, he surprises everyone by inviting communist party secretary instead of priest, saying he wants to join the communist party before he dies.

"Why did you invite me here? Your whole life you didn't want to join, what changed your mind now?" wonders the communist officia...

I’ve lost count of the number of times my secretary has been late, so I’m finally doing something about it.

From now on I’m using condoms.

During a quiet moment at a White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State, Tillerson.

"I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say more than two hundred words!"

“Wow, that’s impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they all mean.”

"Oh, I know"...

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Choosing a Secretary

A businessman decides that it is time to hire a new secretary and has it narrowed down to a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. Unable to choose between the three of them, he decides to conduct an experiment. At the end of the day he places a five dollar bill on the ground in his office to see how ea...

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.

So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way...

General secretary Gorbachev is going by car to a meeting.

Suddenly, his driver hits a pig near a small village and stops the car.
Gorbachev gives him 100 rubel and tells him, “Take the dead pig, go into the village, find out who it’s owner was, apologize to him, and give him this money.”
Several hours later the driver returns totally drunk. Gorbachev...

A guy comes home from work and he is clearly upset.

His wife looks concerned and asks him what's wrong. He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.

Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.

"Honey, what is it? I've never seen you like this before," the wife says.

"It's . ...

Shout out to WorstJokesEver.com

After getting in the White House, D.Trump gets a letter… … from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:

370HSSV 0773H

All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the me...

Hard to find good help nowadays

A secretary walks into her boss's office and says, "Can I use your Dictaphone?"
He says, "No, dial with your finger like everyone else."

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During an ecumenical assembly, a secretary rushed in shouting, “The building is on fire!”

The Methodists prayed in a corner.
The Baptists wondered where they could find water. The Quakers quietly praised God for the blessings that fire brings.
The Lutherans posted a notice on the door announcing the fire was evil.
The Roman Catholics passed the plate to cover the cost of the ...

The New Secretary

Mr Robinson hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. While taking dictation one morning she noticed that Mr Robinson's fly was open. Upon leaving the room she said "Mr Robinson, your barracks door is open." He was puzzled by her remark but later in the day noticed that his zipper...

A psychiatrist's secretary walked into his office and said, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he's invisible."

The psychiatrist replied, “tell him I can’t see him.”

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I caught my Boss having sex with his secretary in his office

"Close the door!" he said angrily.

"Can't you see that we are having a debriefing!".

My Executive Assistant just got diagnosed with Covid.

That means my Secretary is nsfw

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A man goes to a urologist...

...and says he has a problem with his penis.

"OK, well, can you urinate, can you get an erection?"
"Sure, no problem."
"Ermm, well how about your sex life, can you describe it to me?"
"Well, I wake up and have sex with my wife. Then I make some coffee and vreakfast, and when she co...

Who is Black Panther's Secretary of State?

Wakandaleezza Rice

Pedro gets a New Secretary.

He faces a volley of rapid fire questions from his wife, who is always a bit suspicious of her husband’s roving eye.

Dora (Pedro's wife): “Does your new secretary have nice legs?"

Pedro: “Didn’t quite notice."

Dora: "What color are her eyes?"

Pedro: “Haven’t had the time ...

My secretary called this morning and said she cant work anymore because she lost her eye. After assuring her that was understandable, I asked her to send me her resignation in writing for HR purposes.

"Dear Smon,

The past year has been terrfc, but t s my sncere regret to nform you today wll be my last day wth the organsaton ... "

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A married man had a sweet young thing of a secretary and decided to take her to dinner.

A married man had a sweet young thing of a secretary and
decided to take her to dinner. He called his wife to tell
her that he had to "work late" and she said, "no problem."

After dinner they went back to her apartment and had mad sex
for hours. On the way home he noticed a huge hick...

On and On

Mr. Johnson told Mary his secretary that he was going on a business trip to Chicago the following day and he wanted her to come with him. They'd be staying there for 2 days.

As soon as she got home, she told her husband Bob about this.
"Honey, my boss asked me to go on a business trip to...

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An old jew visits the pope

The pope was sitting in his office one day when his secretary came running in.

“Your Holiness, there’s an old jew who’s been sitting outside your door every day for the last few weeks. He said he wants an audience.”

The pope was surprised by this statement, but seeing as the jew had w...

Philip was a junior office assistant at a large company.

Keen to make a good impression on his boss, he often stayed up late working. One evening, he was just about to head home when he saw his boss standing in front of the shredder holding a document.

"Ah, Philip, I'm glad to see you're still here working hard at this time. Now, I was wondering i...

A large multinational company puts out an application for a secretary.

A golden retriever applies for the job, passes the written test and is scheduled for an interview. At the interview the interviewer asks, "Can you speak any foreign languages?"

And the golden retriever says, "Meow."

The Goldberg Brothers - Are well known as the Inventors of the automobile Air Conditioner.

Here's a little known fact for automotive buffs, or just to dazzle your friends. The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Maxwell, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. 

The four brothers walked...

How much would you pay to watch James Bond's secretary and Bruce Wayne's Butler team up for a Spy Action Thriller?

However much, you can bet you'd get your MoneysWorth.

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My secretary reminds me of my wife.

I was unbuttoning her blouse at lunch today when she said, "Remember, you have
a wife."

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The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich African king who was a very important client.

The client, out of the blue, suddenly asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her, ...don't reject the guy outright.

So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her. After a few minut...

I'm going to hire a secretary based on ability, not looks, this time.

I just need someone who can answer phones while I'm banging the hot one.

The Blond Secretary

One day the boss walks in and see's his blonde secretary sobbing on the phone He asked " What's wrong" she replied " My mother just died" he says " maybe you should take the day off" But she stayed at work a couple hours later he walks out and see's his secretary is balling again and he says " what'...

I was a secretary in an office...

And one of my coworkers, Herald, had a beautiful parakeet that he kept on his table in his office cubby. It was named "Dimes" after his love of small shiny objects.

Anyways at the office one day, I get a call from Herald's table and it was the parakeet. He was tired of being the only one in t...

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My boss told be there would be a training seminar about sexual innuendo in the workplace and asked me to invite my secretary.

I left her a post it note saying if she couldn’t come I’d happily fill her slot for her.

Stalin is talking to Churchill on the phone.

No... No... No... No... Yes... No... No...

Stalin hangs up. His secretary asks, "Comrade Stalin, what is that you agreed with Churchill on?"

Stalin replies, "He asked me if I can hear him."

A young doctor was just setting up his first office when he was told by his secretary that there was a man that wanted to see him.

The doctor wanted to make a good first impression by having the man think he was successful and very busy. He told his secretary to show the man in. At that moment, the doctor picked up the telephone and pretended to be having a conversation with a patient.

The man waited until the "conversa...

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How can you tell your blonde secretary is having a bad day?

Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.

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In Kent a business man was con

In Kent a business man was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Essex and I need some help. If I were to give you £20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take o...

The effects of COVID-19 on Trump

White House press secretary Kayleigh McEnany said “President Trump remains in good spirits, has mild symptoms, and has been working throughout the day.”

Who'd have guessed COVID-19 would improve Trump's work ethic?

Arnold Schwarzenegger joined an Easter egg hunt but didn't find any eggs. His secretary asks "Does this mean you hate Easter now?"

He shakes his head and responds:
"I still love Easter baby."

A political assassin, a cabinet secretary, and a narcissist walk into a bar

A political assassin, a cabinet secretary, and a narcissist walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "The usual, Mrs. Clinton?"

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An important business man needs to find a new secretary and HR gives him three candidates from who he must chose

To do this he asks the three girls the same question, "if I gave 1.000.000 dollars to take to the bank and when you get there they tell you they only need 500.000, what would you do? "
The first girls says she would give the bank the rest of the money and tell them to store it. The second girl sa...

A secretary knocks on God's door.

"The atheists are here to see you" she says.

God replies, "Tell them I'm not here"

The Boss asks his secretary for some paper

Secretary: A4 paper right?

Boss: No, A for apple.

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What did the US Treasury Secretary Say to the Chinese Central Banker After the Currency Devalued?

What the fuck are Yuan?

A man nervously dialed the office of his attorney.

"I'd like to speak to my lawyer," he told the secretary who answered the phone.
"I'm sorry, sir," the secretary told him, "but he has passed away. He's dead." The man hung up with a mumbled "Thank-you."

A week later, though, he called back. "Could I talk to my lawyer?" he asked. "Have...

Whats you father's occupation?

Asked the school secretary, filling in the forms at the start of the academic year. "He's a magician," said the small boy. "How interesting! What's his favorite trick? "Sawing people in half." "Really? Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?' "Yes, one half brother and two half-sisters."

I'm a doctor, and my old secretary was a cannibal. She always ate clients in the waiting room, and one day I caught her in the act.

I fired her then. For the longest time, she was trying my patience.

HR to a girl during an interview for the post of the secretary

HR: "what's the difference between a paperclip & a screw?

Girl: I don't know, I've never been paperclipped

Most people don't know that Adam Smith was caught up early on in the #metoo movement, when he was accused of groping his secretary.

But he insisted it was just the invisible hand...

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How to fire an Employee...

All the members of the company's Board of Directors were called into the Chairman's office, one after another, until only Ted, the junior member, was left sitting outside.

Finally it was his turn to be summoned.

Ted entered the office to find the Chairman and the other four Directors s...

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At a news conference, a journalist said to the politician running for the presidency, "Your secretary said publicly that you have a small penis. Would you please comment on this."

"The truth is," replied the Politician, "That she has a big mouth."

Amazed by the stunning beauty of their new secretary, two corporate executives resolved to make her adjustment to her new firm their personal business...

“It’s up to us to teach her the difference between right and wrong,” said the first executive. “Agreed,” exclaimed the second. “You teach her what’s right.”

[ORIGINAL JOKE] A secretary is like...

a pencil sharpener, you can't really say it's yours until you screw it on your desk.

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A new hot secretary joined a company...

Two guys of this company start to speak about her:

"Holy molly she is so hot, we should really try to sleep with her"

So they start flirting with her.

One week later, the first one manages to sleep with her. His friend asks him "So, how was it?" "Meh, my wife is better".

...

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A little girl has her first day at a new school...

Her teacher asks her what her name is and the girl replies "It's Happy Butt." The teacher says in disbelief "That's not your name. Go see the principal."

She walks into the principal's office and the secretary asks for her name and the girl replies "It's Happy Butt." The secretary says in dis...

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A boss wanted to fuck his secretary

He calls her secretary and tells her that he wants to have sex with her, right here, in the office.

She denies by saying "it's not possible, somebody would notice them"

But the boss says "nobody will look. I'll make it quick" he says "i'll drop $500 to the floor and by the time she pic...

I found out my secretary cheats on me...

with her husband

A girl and her mom are in a car.

Girl: "Why is my name Rose?"

Mom: "Your dad loves roses."

Girl: "Why is my brother named Robin?"

Mom: "Your dad loves the bird."

Girl: "Then why is my sister named Secretary?"

Mom: "That's why we are driving away from home."

An American was arguing with a Russian on which of their governments were better...

The American made the case, “you know in the United States of America you can march into the White House, slam your fists on the president’s desk and say, Mr.President, I don’t like the way you are running this country.”

The Russian replied,”I can do that”.

The American in a bit of s...

Years ago I used to work as a secretary for the mafia.

I was involved in very organized crime.

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A man calls his secretary...

A man calls his secretary, but the call goes to his boss instead. The man says “Hey! Get ur lazy ass up and bring me a damn coffee!” The boss, a firm believer in respect in the workplace, is outraged! She says “Listen here, sir! I am the manager of this company! Furthermore, I own this entire buildi...

There was a little boy who needed $10 and he prayed to God for two weeks to get the money...

But nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to God to ask for the $10. When the post office was to sort out the boy's letter addressed to 'God, America', they decided to deliver it to President Donald Trump. The President was impressed, touched and entertained by the boy's letter. He tol...

My secretary doesn't wear any bra or panties to work.

But he types really well.

This joke was stolen from Ronald Reagan. And it’s good.

One day, an order went out to the police departments in the Soviet Union that anyone caught speeding, anyone, no matter who, gets a ticket. One day, the General Secretary was late leaving his country home to get to Moscow. He runs up to his limousine and tells the driver to get in the back, and that...

The top executives of the Budweiser beer company decide they need a fresh, new marketing initiative. One suggests that the Catholic church, being a well known, global brand just like themselves, would be a suitable sponsorship partner, so they send two of their most persuasive directors to Rome.

They are granted an audience with the Pope and explain that they want a commercial link-up with the Vatican. This would, of course, involve some careful 'product placement'. What they suggest is that the words in the Lord's prayer , 'Give us this day our daily bread', be replaced with, 'Give us this...

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Leonid Brezhnev, Soviet General Secretary, calls his head of the KGB, Yuri Andropov, into his office...

Brezhnev: "Comrade, how many Jews do we have in the Soviet Union?"

Andropov: "Approximately five million, Comrade."

Brezhnev: "And how many Jews do you think would leave if we allowed them to?"

Andropov: "Approximately 20 million, Comrade."

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A man was humping his secretary in his office up her ass when....

His wife walks in on them unannounced.

Horrified, she screams " Honey, you can't do this to me".

Man calmly replies"Right, that's why I am doing it to her".

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Stalin's secretary hears one of his generals say "mean Mr Moustache"

She quickly runs into Stalins office and reports the words. Stalin thanks her, and calls for the general to be brought to him.

When the general arrives, Stalin sits him down and asks "I've received a report you said 'mean Mr Moustache'; is that correct?"

"Why yes comrade, it is." The g...

A blind guy (Dale) goes to a lumber yard looking for a job. Once he finds the freemans office he introduces himself and asks for a job.

The foreman (Greg) is unsure how a blind guy can work at a lumber yard and expresses his concerns.

Dale explains that bind people usually have heightened senses in the other areas. In his case his sense of smell is extra keen.

Greg tells him Dale that he doesn't understand how that wi...

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The Shredder

A young engineer was leaving the office at 5:45 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainl...

At the Washington Summit in 1987, US President Ronald Reagan asked Soviet General Secretary Mikhail Gorbachev in private if the rumored "Dead Hand" nuclear retaliation system really existed.

Gorbachev laughed and patted Reagan on the back, saying "no, comrade, is only blyat earth conspiracy."

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A secretary received an expensive pen as a gift from her boss.

She sent him a "Thank You” note the following day.

The boss's wife read the note and filed for divorce.

The note said: Your penis wonderful and I enjoyed using it last night. It has extra ordinary smooth flow and a firm stroke. I loved its perfect size and grip. Felt like I was in hea...

The Boss calls his secretary..

The boss calls his female secretary & says:"Get ready for the weekend, We are going on a business trip."

The secretary calls husband & says:"Me & my boss are going on a business trip for 2 days so takecare of urself"

The husband calls his girlfriend & says:"My wife is g...

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During the height of the Great Patriotic War, Stalin is listening to the updates his marshals give him on the situation on the fronts

When the meeting is over, Zhukov is the first one to step out.

"Mustachioed asshole" he mumbles as he slams the door.

Stalin's personal secretary, Poskrebyshev happens to hear Zhukov's outburst. Being the loyal servant to the cause, he immediately reports it to his boss. Stalin orders...

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This was a joke that I was told last year by my tour guide in Berlin about Cold War-era Russia.

Every morning, General Secretary Leonid Brezhnev would go out onto his balcony and stretch. He would look up at the sun, rising in the East and go, “Good morning, Sun. It is a beautiful day outside.”

The sun would reply, “Good morning, General Secretary! Thank you for admiring my work!”
...

A secretary, a salesman, and their boss...

A secretary, a sales rep, and their boss are walking to lunch when  they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out in  a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you one wish."  

The secretary says, "I want to be in the B...

While interviewing a potential client, the executive switched on his intercom and commanded:

"Get my broker on the telephone."
"Yes, sir", responded his secretary, "stock or pawn?"

Wife: I heard you have a new secretary today?

Husband:Yes.

Wife:Is she smart?

Husband:Yes.

Wife:Is she pretty?

Husband:Yes.

Wife:How did she dress today?

Husband:Very quickly.

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