What was Lawrence Welk's favorite mountain range?

The Polkanos.

Why didn't Johnny Lawrence's sensei have any children?

Irons became so popular in the 1960s that not a single girl had a Kreese in her pants.

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Dusty Hill Blinked his eye open.

His head felt fuzzy. His eyes sticky. Dusty Hill Blinked his eyes open. "Wake up Dusty" said a familiar voice. His eyes focused, his brain whirled. It couldn't be who it seemed to be. Jimi mother fucking hendrix?

.

"Wake up Dusty. It's showtime!" Said the coolest voice ev...

Did anyone know Lawrence Welk had 4 daughters?

Anna 1 Anna 2 Anna 3 Anna 4.

Old Butch

John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young laying hens, called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

Any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roost...

Billie Piper has ruled out a return to Dr Who and adventures in the TARDIS...

She said if she wanted to hang around with an eccentrically-dressed know-all who constantly got them into misadventures, she'd remarry Lawrence Fox

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Jennifer Lawrence has said that those who saw her nude photos should cower in shame...

...I don't know about all that, but I did shower after I came.

So I hear there is going to be a sequel to Lawrence of Arabia

It's going to be called Lawrence of Two Rabias.

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Jennifer Lawrence, a Frenchman and an Englishman are riding a train.

The train enters a tunnel and in the darkness the sound of a slap rings out. When the train comes out the Frenchman is rubbing his bruised cheek.

The Frenchman thinks, "The Englishman must have tried to kiss Jennifer and she slapped me by mistake."

Jennifer Lawrence thinks, "The Frenc...

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Did you hear they found the body of the guy that leaked the Jennifer Lawrence nudes?

They say he's the first person ever to be hi-fived to death.

On the one hand I feel bad that Jeniffer Lawrence privacy was invaded, but on the other hand

...well that hand is busy.

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Best Come Back Line Ever.'

Police work must be entertaining as well as dangerous .

In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, in a pumpkin patch 12.01 a.m. on Friday.

On Monday, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public i...

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So a Japanese company and a North American company decided to have a canoe race...

So a Japanese company and a North American company decided to have a canoe race on the St. Lawrence River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The North Americans, very discouraged and depressed, deci...

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What do you call an Arab who's really good at eating pussy?

Lawrence of the labia.

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Young Jimmy got mixed in with a bad crowd and found himself headed to jail. Being his first time, he was a little intimidated by the things he’d heard, so he was looking for some advice.

His uncle was a colorful fellow and a world traveler, and Jimmy figured he probably knew his way out of a dangerous situation better than anyone else he knew. After Jimmy explained his predicament, the uncle said:

“Yeah, I reckon I have some advice. Some years ago I was overseas riding throu...

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The other day, I died and went to hell...

(Note: replace the name 'Jim' with the name of someone in the group that you're telling this joke to)

The other day Jim and I were walking around town when, out of nowhere, we get run over by a truck and die, and we both go straight to hell.

In hell, I'm greeted by the devil, who tells...

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A man is shipwrecked on a deserted island...

...and spends many months alone. Just as he's reaching the point that he's starting to go crazy, he spots a ship in the distance and, all excited, lights a fire on the beach that he'd prepared for just such an eventuality.

He's overjoyed when he sees the ship change course and start heading f...

Our two new mods, ElderCunningham and iBleeedorange

Hey guys,

Not too long ago we started advertising new moderator positions for /r/jokes, and after receiving a bunch of submissions, we found our two candidates.

I've asked them to write up a brief introduction for themselves.

First up is /u/iBleeedorange, who also mods /r/diablo...

My aim in life is to turn negative into positive...

...which is how I lost my job at AIDS clinic.

By Andrew Lawrence

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A businessman returns home early from his business trip...

...and calls out to his wife. Hearing no answer, the businessman thinks that she must be out, and decides to go to his room to unpack and wait for her. However, when he reaches his room and opens his wardrobe, he discovers his wife inside, barely clothed. Suddenly, a naked man bursts out from behind...

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Three ugly girls go on a quest to change their ugliness...

Their quest has them finding a magic swimming pool guarded by a fairy.

"I all know your plight and now I present you the solution to all your problems! Just run and dive to this pool and while you're in the air, scream the name of the person you want to be as beautiful as and you shall ge...

Answer: Wicker Chair

Question: What did Elmer Fudd do when Jennifer Lawrence stood up?

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Let's Talk

A stranger was seated next to Ken on an empty flight to England. The stranger turned to Ken and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passengers.”

Ken, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the strange...

Angel

Lawrence: Mom do you know that our maid is an angel? Mom: Why do you think so?
Lawrence: I saw her naked today with her hands on the wall screaming "Oh my God I'm coming!!..if it wasn't for Dad that was holding her tight from behind, she would have gone to heaven..

My friend Larry says he knows everyone...

During President Obama’s inauguration, Larry told me, "You know, Obama and I are buddies." said, "Sure you are." He said, "No, really! Just turn on your TV tonight to the Inaugural Ball. You'll see me." Sure enough, I turned on the TV that night, and there was Larry, talking to President Obama w...

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